Weekly News, Volume 1, Number 14, Rising Sun, Ohio County, 26 May 1854 — Page 1

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An Independent Paper Devoted to the Interests of the People, News, Agriculture, Education, Literature, the Markets, &c, &c. VOLUME 1. RISING SUN, INDIANA, FRIDAY, MAY 26, 18-51. NUMBER 14.

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THE WEEKLY HEWS,

iv tjwxx. i Otivi'.,r....M.,;.,nt.,.:-.1 ..... ' Let drib's Grvcvrv St-re. liism. Sim. Ind. t rth's Uroeerv St.-re. litem Sun. Iud.' ! O:,"" "aC" 1 " Per;vnn,u"; i 4. -. i Ou- cfpy. if tmi.i within six moniV - - I va-iw.!i ii-.-i vuta until tile -ci.xs vl Uie . v.--r - -- -- -- -- - S2:.Vi IsT'Th.-? TVrm.-i will be stripy udhurd to i tvi-rv iu.HiK-c K;Ue of Ad rrii-.in-.r, - 1:00 f.wrv sulw-iunt nir-erti'-n. - - - - - Advertisements by the Year, i ''; )'7"(''V uart-li, or at A(vr't 1 'leisure. ' . x -' ' ; ------ - iii.on : - -------- 4'-t.'M f ;vd c-f 1 nm-hansreable. - - o."0 I -Tran.iieut udvcrti.cmUs hist bo paid in U a'lcr. A communications eonnecU-J J be t-puid to ensure atu-n- j . ; 14T All letvrs kh the oliicc :nu tivii. Us Kind to the VMrv and Orphan. BY Kr.5. FiBAIl T. KOLTOX. Be kind to the widow, her hopos are all crur-hcJ. Ti.c lijrht vf hvr spirit ha.- t; The dear voice that ever cvusvl.-d 1- r is LhvU. ikr pathway is dreary and ione. L'.! kind to the widow the rainbow that ejist Lues en life's stream II.i.s vanished away, and the joyt Are iiotiiina to her. but a drcs of 'I :ie past JS- kind to the wi.Iow. forsvrow- and fears Have stc.lv n the light from her brow lkr vhi-ek. oiiee so luvely, is lade 1 with tear?; Jier h,ri. is all disola'c now. I'e k:ut the widow, who toils tbrvUirh lone 1. u-s A'.ue 1 r are. L-orless h.-artb. WiiiM oth.-rs :'.ovt;, Ar.d wnn-'a v.ieaU.ii'.'r ffav ! gay irananas 01 iO. moment.- vi:h mirth. lie k'.nl to the rphsn. and teach him t meet Vi'i.h finitflcs- the snares he must brave 'lb- heart tliat t iii- n o re-; oUsiwiy !cat, Sleeps I...W- in the night i the grave. Be kind to the orphan he cannot forget Ti.e dear ol:e wl;o loved him of v. .re. And far i".-..: th-y m,-: He we. ps i lie Vin 1 to ti Wi:i tc.npl -i.' 'a!' AY ben ii :"e 1 the Loiiif and the hearth where hat hcy meet nevor mere. orphan, for many a lure, him to wander astray. V Yr , irtue ah' e can .-iKbir-:, ivit.1l its dreams fades awav. e kind o the orphan, the h nc one apart, bowed down y the ch:istei:iii2 rel ; tr-.Ide his you:..? f-otsteps and tcadi his ; 3..art, To uu.-t in the promise of God. .it: ; THE GHOST RAISER. Mi uncle Bealcv, who commenced his comme'evv! career very early in the present ! century as a bagman, will tell stories. I Among them, he toils his single ghost story : fo often, that 1 am heartily tired of it, In ' ?elf-defe:.ce, therefore, I publish the tale in , order t.r.ti when next the good., Kind oid gen- : . . ; t'cnian ofters to bore us with it, everybody; may say tncy Know word of it. it. I remember everv ::e fii.e autumn cver.ii g. about forty years ag I was travelling on horseback from Shrewsbury to Chester. I felt tolerably tired and was beginning to look out for some snug way -side inn where I might pass the night, when a storm came on. My horse terrified by the lightning, fairly took the bit between his teeth, and started off with me at full gallop, through lanes and cross roads j until at length I managed to pull him up just near the' door of a neat-looking country inn. "Well," thought I, "there was method in your madness, old boy, since it brought us to this comfortable refuge." And alighting, I ave him in charge to a stout farmer's boy who acted as hostler The inn kitchen, which was also the guestroom, was large, clean, r.cat and comfortable, very like the pleasant hostlery described by Isaak Walton. There were several travelers already in the room probably, like myself, driven there for shelter and they were all warming themselves by the blazing fire while waiting i f.rsuiper. I joined the part r. Presently! belog 'summoned bv the host4, we all at ! down, twelve in nnmher, to a smokin- renast ! of bacon and eg-, coaei-o.- ,4ts 1 vi-3 1 e.n.c a c . . .. -.tOt.s, 1 ar l stewed hare 1 1 'C"CJ n.re. . The conversation turned naturally on the j mishaps occasioned by the strm, of which i ,vrv m-ro s,.mio,1 to h.ii-A lir.,1 Vicf.,!! d J .Ulan, : O.ie had been thrown off his horse; another ; driving m a gig, had been upset into a dyke; j all ha 1 got a thorough wetting, and agreed j that it was dreadful weather a regular w,tchs' sabliath! ( 'Witches and ghosts prefer for their sab- j bath, a fine moonlight night to such weather1 J1."' These words were uttered in a solemn : toi., and with strange emphasis, by one of. the company. He was a tall, dark man, and I had set him down in my own mind, as a traveling merchant or pedlar. My next ne'ghbor w 5 a gay well-looking, fashionably dressed young mac, who bursting into a peal of laughter, said: "You must know the manners and custAms of ghosts very well, to be able to tell that they dislike getting wet or muddy." The first '-r.v??-, g;v'r- b:.rr? dsi More

j "Young man speak not so lightly of things ! above vour comprehension."

such things as "hosts?" . . ?roaps inere are ;i you naa courage to ; 1 cru:U lutre r J ou Iiaa couragT l Tl , I The young man stood up, flushed with an- ! ger. But presently resuming his seat he said ' i , . "That taunt should cost you dear if it was ; trf ciidi 9 Crt!-! .mi.. ' i to "A foolish one,'' said the merchant throw- ! ins: on the table a heavy leather purse."There arc fifty guineas, I am content to lose, - ir .11 iiti . if before another hour is ended, I do not succeed in showing vou, who are so obstinatelv rreiudiced, the form of any one of vour de1 J 1 ceased friends; and if after you have rceogn;zeJ h;m you al,ow h;m to k;ss your p ., Wc all looked at each other, but my young RC:ghtor stiu in the same mocking manner, replied: "You will do that, will you?"' "Yes," said the other "I will stake these fifty guineas, on condition that you will pay I a similar sum if vou lose." After a short silence, the young man said lily: "Fifty guineas, my worthy sorcerer, are I more than a poor college sizar ever possessed, but here are fiv, which, if you are satisfied i I shall be most willing to wacrer it.' The other took up his i.urse, savin- in a I j contemptuous tone: ' I .Yourr mtVnnn vo i w-sh to dnw ! ! back.- j ! "I draw back?" exclaimed the student. j ! -'Well, if I had the fifty Guineas, vou should ' see whether I wish to draw back'.'' ! 'Here,'' said I, "are four guineas which I : ' w ill stake on your wager." j ! Xo sooner had I made this proposition i than the rest of the company, attracted by j ' the singularity of the affair; came forward j I to lay down their money and in a minute or! ! two the fifty ermneas were subscribed. The merchant n ppeared so sure of winning that ' all the stakes in the student's i a ne lnaced all tne stakes 111 .hand and prepared for Irs experiment We ' I selected for the purpose a small summer-' I house in the -arden perfectly isolated, and j ; having no means of 'exit but'a window' and j U ,?,.or -wb wo rMlr ftm,l ofiori placing the young man within. We put writin- materials on a small table in the! summer-house and took away the candles, i We remained outside with the pedlar amongst ; us. In a low solemn voice he began to ' I chant the followins lines: "What riseth slow from tlie ocean waves. And the stormy surf' The phantom pale sets bis blackened foot On tlie fresh srreeii turf." Then raising his voice solemnly he said: j "You asked to see vour friend. Franris: Yilliers, who was drowned three years ago off the coast of South America what do W ' . v , . , . , . v , , t 1 see. rer ed the student, "a white l:rht ; .. ... , ' ; rising near tue w inaow; out it nas no lorm; : ; it is like an uncertain cloud." ; ! We the spectators remained 1 rofound- i , ly silent. j "Are you afraid?" asked the merchant in ; a loud voice. t "I am not," replied the student firmly, i After a moment's silence, the pedlar stamp- ' ed three times on the ground, and sanjr: "And the phantom white, whose clay-cold fa. e ' I w s once so lair, Dries with bis shroud his cbneincr vest, . , , . , , . ,. I And his sea tossed hair.-' ! Once more the solemn question: 1 1 iou, who would see revealed the mysteries of the tomb what do you see now?" The student answered in a calm voice but like that of a man describing things as " j they pass before him: "I see the cloud taking the form of a phantom; its head is covered with a longj veil it stands still!" "Are you afraid?" j "I am not!" j We looked at each other in horror-stricken I vi'lonro vliil tK mri liiiit. niciru-r liic nrmc , "' ;' o ' cha"ted m a sePulcbral V1Ce: "'f l s:'.i'1' b,;r'w from thc wave, , ' ? -,- -f , j will jo to mv friend, irav, sinilniT uni fotid, -' " . As m our tirst youin: ' ..What do you see'" s vid he sce the ,hiUltom aava,lce'; ho Uft8 h5s . - . . veu 'tis r rancis uliers. he approaches the table-he writes!-'tis his signature!" .-Arc you afraid?" A fearful morm,nt 0f Bjlcnco ensuaj. thcn the sUldeut but in an altered voice. i am not W.th strange and frantic gestures he then sang: "And the plmntom aid to all the mocking sneer, I enme from the s..mv Put thy band on my baud thy heart on my heart, 1 hy mouth on my mouth'." "What do you see?" "He comes ho approaches be pursues me he is stretching out his arms ho will have me! Help! help! Save mo!" Are you airaid, now.'" asked the merchant in a mocking voico. A piercing cry, and a stifled groan, were the only reply to this terrible qnsstion. "Help that rash youth!" said the mer - ! rhir.t bitterly. "I nve, I t.birk, wont!

wager; but it is sufficient lor me to have giveu him a lesson. Let hiui keep Lis mou-

ev ami be wiser for the future He walked nidiv awav. ... . . c opened , , iue uoor 01 uio umier uouse uu iuuuu the student in convulsions. A paper signed with the name "Francis Yilliers," ,,,, was on I the table. As soon as the student's sense j were restored, he asked vehemently where was the vile sorcerer who had subjected him j such a horrih e or.l.-a! be would kill him! ' He sought him throughout the inn in vain; I lie sougut him tlirougtiout tue inn in vain; then, with the speed of a madman he da.h-! ed off across the fields in pursuit of him- j and we never saw either ot them again. That, children, is my Ghost story. "And how is it, good uncle, that after , that, von don't, be- eve. in rhosts? sa d T ; the first time I beard it. j 'Tiecause, my hoy," replied my uncle, neither the student or the merchant ever re turned: and the forty-five guineas belonging to me and the other travellers continued equally invisible. These two swindlers I carried them off, after having acted a farce, j which we, like minnics, believed to be real. , A Yankee Wedding. Chancing to visit the office of ulderlan , the other dav. we witnessed a hymer.ial ceremony that will bear narrating. J The bridegroom was a weather-beaten i countryman, a pcrlect picture 01 goou nature. lut s0 taU that in c"tcring the portals ; of the office an involuntary obeisance was j necessary; while the artificial hollyhocks on j the summit of the bride's bonnet just touch- , cd the elbow of her expected lord. Their entrance w as proceeded by an urchin with j dilapidated garments, who claimed and re-, ceived ttiree coppers as nis iee ior guiauig , them to the spot. j "What can I do for you, my good friend?" j asked the urbane alderman, as if in utter ' i-morance of the object of their visit. "Be. seated, madam." "Well, squire," answered the groom, with : complacent glance at the filagree breastlm that fastened a dashing ribbon around . the lady's neck, "old Mrs. Bettibone down to ' Lynn, I reckon you've hear'u tell about j her?" "Well, reallv. I think I hardly know I : guess not. j "Not heard tell of her, squire! why she ; makes about the best pumpkin sass you ever ; put into your stummik, I reckon, slips deown jist as slick as a greased cat crawlin' through j a jint of stove-pipe." j "Very happy to be introduced to her, sir; i but don't let me interrupt you. Bray pro- ! ceed." i Jos' so. ics' so. Wel old Mrs. Bettibone I giu mc Dianthy, here, to git spliced to. si,..v , ,.-;.i,i,.r ,enm-,n on.l r.ld ,i,mB Pt.. tibone made rones of money in the shoe-pes ' business, when he w as aiive, and I larn't the j .... .: .1 J ,, - ,., , , , " , , , , , , . . '. n,-,1 v T lil o.l tli. rrol mid t nl.l bi.1v m n 1 0 ' - 0 consent; so, ct yew'U pronounce the ceremonv. vour money is ready." ,- vOII w ish to be married, eh?" nueried 1 the alderman, willing to spend a few leisure moments in conversation. "May 1 venture 1, .i,, :.i .1 ,. t. ,i,,u ! a bachelor's life?" "Sartin. squire, sartin. You see it'snat'ral Who ever hearu tell of a bachelor chippin bird or a bachelor bob-o-link? I recken 110body has. And tbon nin't. ,l,MIn kitwb.r 10 :,. 111 1 1 1, nat'ral Ain't double roses, and double pin- . . , , , , yes the pootyist, and don't everybody like , , ,i, : 1 o nn " l em better than single ones? 1 he amount on it is. nater teaches it. squire, clear through the programmy, beginning with thc robins and leaving off with apple blossoms." "Very true, my good sir; a very philosophical view of the subject. (Turning to the lady,) And you, madam, have you given this subject the attention it merits?" "Never mind her, squire, jest let me settle that are business; 'taint no kinder use to trouble your bowels about Diauthy. Jest yeu fetch out yer books aud fire away." rri 1 nc ceremony was soon penormcd. Uur j "reform" alderman has carried improvement i eVCtl illto tbat dePartr,lc,1t of bi dutiesI and a two dollar bill was duly placed in his H, by the newly-made husband. After , , , .1.1., - , , , he had congratulat A the pair, and wished I 0 1 ' S,1CCCSS" Jonathan claimed: " trumP. and if you ever come to Lynn you'll find a Btoppiu' place and a rouisiC welcome. But squire," and Jonathan facetiously inserted his fore-finget in the region of the alderman's ribs, "I'm done with one-horse belsteads, I am. Good bye, squire." Journal of Commerce. Jovaii Tckned Up. Not long since, in South Carolina a clergyman was preaching on the disobedience of, Jor ah commanded to go and preach to thc Ninevites. After expatiaating for some time on the truly awful conse quences of disobedience to tho Divine comj mamis, he exclaimed in a voice of thunder, . that ra8Sed through the concregation like an ! electric shock: "And are there any Jonah's hero?" There was an old negro present, whose , name was Jonah, who thinking himself called on, immediately rose, with his broadest grin, ' ad beBt bow, very readily rs'-rH: 'Hers be ct, maixa!"

Haydn, the Musical Composer, j

On the evening of a day in the bvginning i ,,1... , na were assembled to witness t.h tmr nnn. I i . " ' tiiiuiuiiiiineui. uan ueeu given hi i;onor 01 i n onynn.-iciip n F fl-i-if ir-.l.i. n-nvl.- tliu .3'.... i trious llaydn, by hid numerous friends and admirers. He had been drawn from Gun his retreat in the suburbs, the co,-I l" - ""' ' . rt- .. 1.1 v.- - 1:..,. , l-l io 7' l'e, a Samen W",cn UJ n rrcuaseu alter u:s retirement trom , ' " "db na-i - . - k" t' , "" fcilct1 w nun 1 auu.v,..v,0 .w c w, anu gtceieu mm . rapturous applause the white haired man, who, led lorward by the most distinguished j , , , , . . . , nobles of the citv, was conducted to thr. ! , , , , .... piace of honor. 1 here seated, with princes-1 ses at his riht hand- bc!Ult-v smil5nS vPn bii'ii- thp Pi'nl.pr nf a rirrlo nf nnlilitt the

observed and admired of all, the object of j A Wakxixu Story ron Loud Derby. the acclamations of thousands, who would ! Lord Derby has avowed his chivalrous deternot have said Haydn had reached the sum- j initiation to run at the press, when offended mit of human greatness, and had more'than ; ly the light cast abroad by it upon any subject realized the proudest visions of his youth? j that, as his lordship believes, ought to remain His serene countenance, his clear eye, his j in sacred obscurity. For the timely instruc-

air of dignified self-possession, showed th.it I prosperity liad not overcome him, but that ' "- gotten the true excellence of man. "The Creation,'' the first of Haydn's oratonos, was regarded as his greatest work, and ! had often elicited the most heartfelt ap- j plausc. Now that the aged and honored composer was present, probably for the last ; t:me to hear it, an emotion too deep for ut- j -ew.. re...v ; blagc. The feeling was too reverential to ! 1,0 expressed by the ordinary tokens of : pleasure. It seemed as if every eye in the j assembly was Uxed on Hie calm, noble face ; of the venerated artist; as if every heart ; beat wuu love lor mm; as it alt leared to , lroak the spell of hushed and holy silence. I A 11 BUlira"" ' -"'v : melodies, the music of the "Creation," and the listeners felt as if transported back to j tlie infancy of the worIJ- ! At the words, L there U hyhf, and tuere . - ' -. u;v.,-.-.-. ....... umtcd ln one fuU burst ol por-..Aus harmo- j "3 emouon seemeu to muiuu me w noie ; trame ot tlie aged man. 11 is pau, lace crim-, soned; lus bosom heaved convmsivoiy; he. ' raised his eyes, streaming with tears, towards heaven, and lifting up his trembling

hands, exclaimed his voice audible in the : bull, that lay so much beef upon the railpause of the music "Not unto mc not ; way.

unto me but unto Thy name be all the glory, O Lord." From this moment Haydn lost the calmness a,,a serenity that had marked the ex- : liression of his countenance. The depths of j his heart had been stirred, and ill could his wistod stronth snst iin tho tido nf hi fWl- ' " asicu sirc.iiu buai.iiu 1110 ikic 01 nis ieei-, ing. When the superb chorus at the close j of the second mrt. announced the. rnmnlo. i tioa of th,J work of "Creation," he could bear the excitement no longer. Assisted by 1 i. t.; .1,. .,.! 1 ,.r 1.:., : l""ies --.:. .u u. ma j friends, he was carried from the theatre.! mnc;n (a m n lt 1L- r r..it.i rr.ic.l ; ,w io.rfn! voc fi tra who had so nobly executed his concep-! tion, and followed by the lengthened plau - dits of the spectotors, who felt that they were never to look upon his face again. Some weeks after this occurrence, Manuel, w ho had sent to inquire after the health of his infirm old friend, received trom him a j carJ; 0,1 whicU he baJ writtcn. to notes of! music, the words expressive .it decline, "My strength is gone." Haydn was in the habit of sending about these earls, but his increased feebleness was evident it! the handwriting of this; and Manuel lost 110 time in hastening to him. There, in his quiet cottage, around which roiled the thunders of war, terrifying others but not him, sat the venerable "composer. His desk stood on . one side, on tuo other his piano, and he looked as if ho would never approach cither again. But ho smiled and held out his hand to greet his friend. "Many a time," he murmured. '''you have cheered my solitude, and now you have come to see thc old man die." "Speak not thus, my dear friend," cried Manuel, grieved to tho heart, "-ou will re cover." "But not here," answered Ilydn, and pointed upwards. He then made signs to one of nis attendants to open thc desk and react him a roll of papers. From these he took one and gave it to his friend. It wis inscribed in bis own hand "Catalogue of all my musical compositions, which I car, remember, from my eighteenth yoar. Vienna, 4th December, 1805." Manuel, as he road it, understood the mute pressure of his friend''- hand, and sighed deeply. That hand ft-ould never trace another note. "Better thus," said Haydn, scftly, "than a lingering old ago of care, diseasj, perhaps of poverty! No 1 am happy. I have lived not in vain; I have accompli&htd my destiny; I have done good. I am &dy for ihy call, 0 Master!"

i

A Irrg silwics follo-ytd, for the ifdjhavebrci9rwhoIa fI."

man was wrapped in devotion. At length

he asked to be supported to his piano; it was opened, and as his trembling fingers touched the kevs, an expression of rapture " ' r 1 Kindled in nis eyes. The music that auiswered to his touch snonied the. miwi,- of in. I . . T, . .. ,,,,,, isniration. But it r-radnVdv f-i.lpd mvn- il-.. - ' 1 Hush gave place to a deadly paleness; and while his lingers still rested on the keys, he j , , ! f a,1Td ! (passed as in a happy strain of melodv! J .v......v. f xi, rrince Estcrhazv diJ hoRor tQ Uij mcm ory of hia j fHend fU!ler,d ceremonies. His remains were trausported to Eisenstadt, in Ilungarv, and placed iu the Franciscan Tault. The prince- also i purchased, at a high price, all his books and l niini:jrrnitc onr? frVi nnrnurAii!! iTu li n , , ,. . , T, , , . , , , had obtained. But his fame belongs to the , , , . ,, , ., , , world: and in all hearts sensible to the mu- - , , . . . , ,, I memory of Haydn. ti0i,s and benefit of Lord Derby, Mr. Punch humbly begs permission to relate to him a true story : About tw-o it may be three, it surely is not four vcars afro, there was a bull pastured in a field skirting a railway. The bull a weakness with bulls in general had a high SCnse of his dignity. It may be he was a l,nU 0f long decent, come down to us from the grand old bulls of the Caledonian forest. LlC UliS as u may, tne una nan, it was oelieved, been much annoyed by the rattling, bellowing, steaming of the railway train, that would pass him contemptuously pass him o wheels of thunder. "Shall I, a bull. ! permit this?" asked Taurus, as was thought from the sequel. "By no means. I will when next disturbed pitch into the train run at it toss it oil tne rail tnrow it into j,:finitc space." The night-train appeared, and by way of mockery of the magnificent bull, carried two flamit.- r-d lights! Now the bull had a natural . -.- "c.i.spuwa.iugi rm. Whereupon, true to his eteimination, but furtbpr stimulated by the new insult, the bull threw un his tail. lowered his head, shut cve3 rau fuu butt at the raiiway train. And the train, in one moment, knocked every puff of breath out of the body of the The house of Derby is famous for its breed of cocks. Let his lordship take heed lest he complete the tale making the story a double story of a cock aud a bull. I'uneh. . llIEY WEIiE EVER Ciiillben-.'W e talk o Adam and Lve as having been, belore the 1:lll 111 a vcr.v haIT.v condition, but one thing they missed they never were children. Ex True. We never thought of that. Adam never played marbles, lie never played "hokey." He never drove a tandem of boys with a string. He never skated on a pond, or idaved ball, or rode down a vr played oan, or roue uown hill on a I hanU-sIeigU. AiidJve, she never made a I,laT bousc; she ncver ate with a,10t-hcr litte ! Sirl from lhc tea table. set out with thc to-v j lca thi,'ors; she never rolled a hoop, or jumped a P1". or Ficced a babJ" 'luilt or dressed a UH- Thei' never played "blindman's buff," I c'r "lmss.v xvants a comer," or "hurly. burly," or anJT of the Samcs ith wbich childhood disports itself. Ilow blank their age must have been, wherein no memories of early youth came welbng up in their hearts, no visions of childhood floating back from the long past, r.o mother's voice chanting a lullaby to thc ear of fancy in the still hours of the night, no father's words of kindness speaking from the churchyard where he 1 sleeps. Adam ana &e, ana tney aione 01 all the countless millions of men and women ' i.t.i. TWL rtlwl.Ul. . 1 , , -r, . , , f lUi" "u u" lulwuw'' Albany Register. fjy A Yrankeo met a celestial in the btreets of San Francisco, and with the characteristic of the race, accosted him as follows: "Where aro you from?" "Hong Kong." "Where are you bound?" 'Gcclong." "What tea aro you most fond of?" "Souchong." "What kind of fowls do you consider the best?" "Chittagong." "What kind of grapes do you prefer?" "Scnppernong." "What's your uarao?" "On go long." (7- Tiron, tho French author having been taken up by the watchman of the night, in the streets of Taris, was carried, on tho following morning boforo.the Lieutenant of Police, who haughtily interrogated him concerning his business or profession. "I am a poet, sir," said Tiron. "Oh! oh! a poet are you?" 6aid the Magistrt.. "T bttvA & hrothiir wbn ia .1 runt. "Then we are ven," said -JPiroT), "for I

One of the Witnesses. The late J. S., a man of infinite wit and humor, and who had probably seen as much of life in America as any one, used to tell the followiug story, which is too good to be lost, though probably no one but he could do justice to it. If we err not, it ran somehow thus:

Yhat railroad stock is in the East, steamboat shares are in the West; and as almost verybody owns more or less, it is almost an impossibility to procure a judgment against any company for injury, carelessness, or even loss of life. Such strange suits are very frequent, and give rise to some strango contretemps. Not long since, it seems a steamboat called the "Old Kentuck" blew up, near the Trinity, at the mouth of the Ohio, where it is a well established fact that a great many musquitos will weigh a pound, by which accident a lady rejoicing in the name of Mrs. Jones, lost her husband and her trunk, and for both of which an action was brought. There was, strange to say, great difficulty in proving that Mr. Jones had been on the boat at the time of the collapse, that worthy having beeu notoriously drunk on the wharf-boat just as the steamer left Trinity. Many witnesses were examined to prove the fact, until finally a Mr. Deitzmar, a German, was placed upou the stand. Our friend J. S., was attorney for the boat, and elicited from Mr. Deitzmar this testimony. "Mr. Deitzmar, did you know the Old Kentuck?" Vni, t-, i,im.nm m;tU !

"Were you on board when she collapsed j hcs the following item, which gives evi- ,. ,1 " donee of rising talent among the juvenile

her Hue? "When she bust do bile? yar, I wash dare." "Did you know Mr. Jones?" "To be sure. Mr. Jones and I took passenger to-gedder." "You did? Yhen did you last see Mr. Jones on ljoard the boat?" Well! I didn't see Mr. Jones aboard de boat last time." J. S. fancied his case was safe, and with a most triumphant glance at the jury, said: "You did not? Well, Mr. Deitzmar, whsn last did you see Mr. Jones?" 'Widl. when de sebmokn nine and mo . was going up, wo met Mr. Jones coming .10 wu. 07" Ike took the paper from Mrs. Partington's hands. She had bought the fourth edition, with "all about the war" in it, as proclaimed by an urchin one of those war's alarms that are almost daily brought to our door. Turning to the war department he read "The Emperor of Russia has ordered off all the buoys serving as guides to safe navigation in the Baltic, to be removed previous to the arrival of the British fleet." "Isaac," said Mrs. Partington, laying her finger on bis knee and interrupting him with a smile, "there you see what a kind hearted man be is, after all the calomel excrescence that has been heaped upon him. lie has ordered the boys to be removed so that they should not cet hurt in the war. He outrht to be canonaded as a saint." "He would'nt get nie out of the way, I guess," said Ike, looking warlike, and bending up bis huge fist; "I'd hide away somewhere where I could peep out and see thc fun." "Ah Isaac!" said the dame gravely, "war isn't any boy's play, and widows and orphants have no reason to bless it." She discontinued here, as the vision of war's horrors, like the spirits of Kossuth's countrymen passed before her mind's eye, and Ike, whose notions of war were allied with martial music red plumes and guns, indulged in some speculations whether the Emperor of Russia's army was as good looking as the first regiment of Massachusetts volunteer militia. Boston Post. Smart Lad. A negro boy being sent by his master to borrow a pound of lard from a neighbor, thus delivered his message: "Missus Thompson, massa sent me over to borrow or beg a pound of hog tallow; he say he got de old sow up in de pen, fattenin; he gwine to kill her day before yesterday, and he come over week before last, and pay all you owe us." He's a Bkick. The origin of this term issaidtobeas follows: One eastern prince went to visit another, who, having been shewn all the curiosities and attractions, he expressed a wish to see the fortifications. Hereupon his entertainer took him to a review of his troops, and exclaimed, "There are my fortifications every man is a brick!" QT" "Swear not all, Abiuiolech, swear not all." "That's just what I docs. I do not swear at all, I only cusses the school master." Tho last we saw of Abimelech, ho was going over a garden fence, closely pursued by a raw hide. 07" An Irish attorney, not proverbial 1 - . . , . . 0 going iruiu , iuuiuw iu x.'uuiui. .ins lainer next day meeting Baron O'Grady, said "My Lord , have you heard of my son's robbery?" "No," replied Baron; "who did ho rob?" 07" A itriking picturo of sundown according to Puooh, is t father ktosking down his Vv.

Cool. "Well Bob," said Jim, "did you have a nice time down at Miss Sally's last evening?" "Wal, I dunno, Jim; just midlin.'' "Why, my dear sir; what's up? I thought you always had delightful times with theladies: you have such a winning way about you." "Yes, 'spect my comportment's sorter winnin', but 'tween you and me, Jim, Sally got me down a peg or two last night."

'How pray -? "Yy, you know," said Bob, "when I past you on my way down to Sal's, I was starched up still" as Grandad's old poker. Wal, when I got to Mikel Snob's Rosterdant, I thought I'd jest call in and take a little of the critter to keep a flow of spirits. When I was arovcu to the door, I pounded it sum with my fist, and purty soon I beam her cummin, gosh! how light her lectio trotters cum down on the floor. The door opened, and I ejaculated, "how do you do Sally;" and she said, "good evenin, Robert," and at first seemed purty 'fectionate; but after a leetle, as was passin close by my rum hole, she kinder started as if suthin skeereu her, (claimed, "laic, sir, Bobby, do you drink?" and fainted. She cum down ka-bounce ou the floor, and made such a thunderin racket that I beam the old man cummin in, so I 'eluded to vamboose. Thats the last you'll hear of this child singin "Sally is the gal for me." You ken bet high 011 that. A Smart Boy. The Boston Tost furpopulation in that city: A bright little boy, about nine or ten years old, makes it a business to peddle lozenges in one of the Chelsea ferry boat?. On offering his sweets a day or two since to a couple of smart young men, they took occasion to banter him. "What do you ask?" "Two cents a roll." "Well, that's cheap enongh: I'm afraid you'll fail," said one. "Yes added the other, "your expenses must be enormou3; I should think you'd strike; just reflect what it costs you for shop rent; however, we'll take a roll apiece." "They're three cents ! now," said the bov. "Three cents! vou said l"ey ere ouiy iv.o. "Well, I've sh-U'V." I The vouni men acknowledged the corn by buying the lozenges at the advanced rate. That urchin will be sure to make his way up in the world. Jcmf Is. So said a good-natured gentleman riding along in his chaise, as he overtook a young man on foot several years ago. The youngster jumped in and was much obliged. Since that time he ha3 often thought of the timely and very acceptable invitation then extended to him; and now when he overtakes a long traveler, wayworn and weary, he pays tho old debt, by repeating the invitation "jump in." A small matter, surely, to help a stranger a mile or two on his way; yet it is one of tha little things which go toward making up the sum of human benificence, and which pays the doer a large sum on the amount invested. ! ClIAUMIK'J I LACE OF UEsIPENCi:. A Washington correspondent, in describing a beautiful young lady, says: "She has a fac a painter might dwc'l nym. SnooTiSG lir Accident. 'Plaise your Lordship's honor,' replied Tim, 'I ahot tho hare by haccident.' 'By accident!' said his Lordship. 'By haccident,' repeated Tim: 'I was firing at a bush, and the baste ran across my aim, all of his own accord.' 'The game-keeper tells a different ttory,' replied his lordship. Och! don't put faith in what that man say?,' replied Tim, 'as he never cares about speaking the truth anyhow, lie told me, t'other day, yer Lordship was not so fit to fill the chair of justice as a jackass!' 'Ay, indeed! and what did you say?' 'Plaise yer Lordship, I said yer Lordship teas.'' Not, Ba.t In the New York Independent we find the following from a mother: "But did I tell you what a time I hai with my little Joe?" "No; what was it?" "Why, I was showing him the picture of tho martyrs thrown to the lions; ai d was talking very solemn to him, trying to mako him feci what a terrible thing it was. 'Ma'.', said he, all at once, 'Oh, ma! just look at that poor little lion way behind there, be won't get any!" 07" An elderly female or. being examined before the magistrate of Bungay, as to her place of legal settlement, was asked whit reasons she had for supposing that her deceased husband's settlement was in St. Andrews. The old lady, looking earnestly over the bench, said "He was born, and married there, and they bnrriod him there, and if 1 that isn't settling him there, I don't know what is." 07" Never allow a man to do a favor for you without paying him, for he will get treble the pay before he has done with you. 07 A first class surgeon k n ows no more about kindewe thaa a short hoTcad 1 kcftB about tie Ttalrci nf Dtvfd.