Weekly Messenger, Volume 1, Number 34, Vevay, Switzerland County, 8 May 1832 — Page 4
Frrr tt-e New Yo- k Uiwor THE BlOGRAfHT OF A CONTESTED HANWritten by K'jmtlf. I wa so much flensed with the article in the Inst number of the Mirror, which appeared a? the fragment of a letter from a barber, that I jesolved, it being extremely laconic, to indulge sny literary propensities so far as to -end yon a little bbgraphy of myself, interspersed with lome remarks, the results of my long experience upon the subject of my profession. Yon must know, that being in early Voy hood of 9 weak and sicklv torn of body, and a rather contem phtive character of mind, my father,, a lusty
Hew England firmer, was- at a los wh:it to do
with me. Be a farmer I would not, and indeeii ! im convinced my talents pointed out a highet
path A sailor' life was very moth against
my iurlinationa, for I have always had an antip
athy to salt junk, and to being turned out of bed
at nights. My mtlo has always been, enjoy the present, take comfort while you can gel it ;'
or, as my father used to say, '-make hay while
the sun shines. i here was some talk of keep ng me at school, and bringing me op to a pro fesrion. Thank yoo, my goo 1 folks," said I, join kindne? exceeds your figure. A profession indeed'. I laughed in my sleeve, and aim;.
my sleep, at this plan; which was, I have nr."?
had reason to believe, a freak of my poor, dear
foolish mother's. Good soul! she believed
there was n one like Bob. I should certainly be a judge or a bihp; or. if the bent of my
genius was warlike, who knew what might hap
pen? General Bob Jenkins Commodore Boh
Jenkins. I have no doubt, bless and rest her
ml, that if she had been much pressed, she
would hav been satisfied with a captaincy
As for me. I always hi) a dash of good sense
in my composition. V ou have found soch peo
pie,' good reader, sometimes, have you not?
rl iii fellows that ee at . glance in a plain way
what the most re fcned and sentimental minds
with all the grace of feeling and the advantage of education, fail to discover. Now I had three
brothers, yon must know, and as different from
me as black is from white- Their names were Peter, Jack, and Ohadiah. Peter, with a good
deal of trouble, got into the navy; Jack went to
teachng school, in a little village in Connecti
cut; and. at the same time, studied law. Oba
cliah s'a-I on the farm, and worked like a horse
1 remem'ier one day we were all assembled in
the ol-l house, Peter, with his new uniform coat
and dihy buttons, as proud as a peacock; Jack
bent half double from close attention to his books and already beginning to talk pieces of Latin
the naticr. h&v oprnng opic. I kuow oae ia reststt TTot eo is ai'uc; f-r walfc it fs hntxiMa witch f nrd t the Theeheter fast nil ir.ad' particular; always shave him when he comes to and honest, it is easy and free from care, and by the Hairoite of the play her to Mo town. He commenced by teaching little boys (in your ear) as for wealth, the profits of my when wee l.U be anittd st ike ly H:cr n the the multiplication table, and now I should not hist year eiceeded the income of the chancel- Bond of'Hithmen New Flowers o weeiied Loot . - I ' I i 1 1 LI. II. ... V . . ' A .-
nnrlr if h !- nridnt hpfnrp hl 4 eS. Or Ot tblS State. "".' Dc" "
I I n mnk fr VnnliBA irKnntmailarl Thr are!
odd. ronsrh creatures at first, but fine men. Do
Ai d we shali s.e rothipg but, a p nest before tuJtLIA
you mind that, my pretty city squash? Such
an one may charge the jury yet in a suit in
which vou are defendant.
Well, as others did, so did we. Jack became
a lawyer, Peter spent his youth tost about over
every ocean, and Obadiah worked the farm af ter the old folk? died. They happened to be all in my shop office (as Jack called it) ye
leiday. I shaved them all round for nothing, and in mine own opinion, they all thought six
pence saved was as good as a shilling gained;
it least they talked so Jack's law business
lid not agree with him much; he was not so
urre?fu! as he might have been. He said the T ie-sion was excessively crooked; he cnuld
c.ii nely get along.
Peter had gained some credit abroad on board
f the United- StatPs ships, but tken he bad lost
in arm-in an encounter with a piratical vesel.
and bad received a gash over bis face, which twisted his right optic down, like a wall eyed
horse. Honor is a capital fine thing, but then
-. arm? an eye! Only think of it. As for O
oidiah, he was. I think-T rather more fortunate
than either of the others. To be sure, he had
world of trouble with the farm, and had a
touch of fever and ague, which being prevalent in the neighborhood, not only kept him sick, hut prevented his selling the f;rm. He had, therefore, nothing to do but to remain. Kgue or no ague, for he was loo poor to let ii at a loss;
but ihen he had neither lost his eye nor his limbs, and seemed, on the whole, tolerably satis-
tied His aspiration had never been verv brrll
int. My own ndventuies were of a very differ
ent cast. I had roved about nearly all over the states. There i scarcely to be found a pretty
tow within a hundred miles that has not, for some time at least, keen ornamonted with my pole. I hive shaved high and low. far and wide. I havt had under my close inspection
human faces till I am as learned in the art of
physiognomy as Lavater himself; and as for hap
piness, believe me, if you want to find it, pass by y "ur palaces and tessples, keep away from
courts and coun:ry seats, follow not the wealthy, the wie, the great, poets, orators, nor author?,
but come into my shop, and you have the man. I have heard cries from all quarters, that hu man nature is depraved, that the world is wretched. A nddiestick for such stuff 1 am a right merry walking contradiction; not but that I have met with ihe reverses, but when ! Kpv ramp t Mnarmprl rnv nmr. or f kam le rA
and other nonsense: and Obadiah , in his linsey i m ....n- i .. ' . i . . . ' J m V razors, inillfcj on mv nnip and arnrlpn nit in
woolsey trow?er and short sleeves, with a great' l " i j rn J " o e .rcn Ot somp moip ansmmnna uhnHo I n uuu
the truth, I have been driven to this very often.
I have been ruined twenty time, but what is
e. j . . . I
,ew ca2'? Slnce wa ,n rornpnny M if von wish to Kf,d handsaw to this lelter-
very respectable mechanic of this place when ir ' In thp tti. OIl, .. var, .tack.
the conversation happened to torn upon dreams,! wash vtf , it he observed to roe " you knew Col. Sittler, tvhor " j was killed by a fall from his horse in Nashville Tkg Cfl and lh(, eJr.-...The f0Howin. dd'nt you! 1 answeicd m the atBrmat.ve, and I (lf iht, . M. u u Dp Im r.ni.
stated that I believed it happened in 183S. He then observed that he had a remark-iMe dream about it, and which he related snbstan dally a? follows: " We were doing seme work for GI. Sittler; one eveninicg he came to the shop and re:naio ed for some time chatting with the hands. He
fore he took his leave, he observed h? would start in the morning for FaytttviUe, or Pulai-ki, I
have forgotten which. On that morning, three
of us had assembled in a piazza, for the pur
pose of wishing- I had just dried my face and hands, and handed the towel to the one standing nearest me, observing at the moment I dreamt last night, that Col. Sit'.leiV Ii msp threw him near the female Academy, and killed him on the spot; and that I saw the horse, as plain as ever I saw any thing in my life, run by here, with the saddle bags on. The words were scarcely out
of my mouth ,when one of the two, looking down
the street, exclaimed 'by beie coms Col.
Sutlers horse, sure enough and the saddle
bags are on him loot' The sight made a start
ling impression on me for the moment. It was the same hore, (a large roan) and the saddle
bags were Sapping about him as he run. just as
I had witnessed in the dream. In a few mo
ments: a negro came running fJong after the hor-e and told us he had just thrown his rider
opposite to parson Lanier's, and killed him
We immediately went to the spot, which I re cognized to be the same presented in the vision It was fifty or sixty yards from the Academy The body, the clothes, the spot all' looked as fa miliar to me. as if I had witnessed the accident
That I did witness it is certain; but how, (shall
leave to be settled by those who are more learn
ed in such matters; and why the warning (if
such it wa intended) was given to me, and not
to the deceased. I refer to the same tribunal " The gentlemen to whom the dream was told in the piazza, are now living in Nashville, and
will testify to the correctness of this rtateroent.
as having faiieti within his own observation.
"I once a-.v, says he, "a lectori r upon expe rimental philosophy place a at under the giass receiver of an air pump, for the purr,rae cf demonstrating thai very certain fact, that life cannot be supported without nir and respiration. The lecturer had aliehdv made several t-trokts upon the piiton, in nrder to
xhausl the receiver of air, when the ai imal,
who began t feel herself very inrrmfortabl&
n th i aiined atmosphere, was foitunate e-
nough to discover the source from whence
her uneasiiiecs proceeded. She dared her paw upon the htde through which the nil es
caped, and thus prevented any more from
assing out of the receiver. All the exer
tions of the philosopher were now unavailing
-in vain he drew the piston -the cat s paw ffcctually prevented its opeiaticn. Hcpiiig
to effect his purpose, he let nir again into the
rect iv r, which, as soon as the rnt perceived.
site withdrew her paw from the aperture; but
whenever he attempted to exhaust the receiver, she applied' hm paw as before. AW the spectators flapped tl.eir hands in admiration
of the woi deriul (-nuac ity ot the animal; and
;he lecturer found himself under the i erespitv of libelling her, and substituting in her place another that possessed less penetration, and enabled him to repeat the cruel experi
pair of hands hardened with honest labor, and
a face bronzed with constant exercise and expo sure. They all went on about their own busi ness. The lawyer was going to make a tremendous noise, one of these days; the sailor
thought it so noble to fight and die for oneTs
country; the farmer intended, it ever he had a ny money, to buy the farm adjacent to ours, to cultivate the grape, and supply the country with domestic wine
rin to mef I h;ve always laughed at it. I
was expelled fiom one country village because I kept my shop open on Sunday moiniag. and
from another tie . aue I kept it shut on Satur
day. I have roamed and travelled, always
light hearted. I have shaved in steamboats and hotels, ani as for this city, there is not a
!f:4CP nt sinv nntp uhntit Man ihut I rtnn't bnnw
. i.t ii jr.ii .i l. J ' ""
ilS,.Mmulrr.ul,s,n,!, uu."uS,m , . Not rtnlv m Inc.
J J -
quail ted wth a vast variety of facet, but I have
studied the geogiaphy of each one with care,
and know every line mark and wrinkle there on, well enough to draw a chart vf them. I
flatter myself 1 am not altogether ondislinguish
1, I have made rh'ice of a profession None
of your stuff about dyii.g for your country, but a decent easy idle. hinet calling, guarded from half ihe troubles of life, safe from the summer's heat and winter's cold, safe from bodily and
mental labor, safe from politics and danger, from envy, hatred, and malice. I don't care
a farthing about the opinions of other people, I want to enjoy my life myself. Learning! fiddle sticks. Look at your students your lawyer
your farmers, your doctors, yor soldier. Glo
ry'. Die for your country! Have your head
shot otT. to be put in the newspapers I was ex
tremely chimed, but had rather be excused.v
So I did f rthwith reveal to my aspiring friends
ment." Pletsant travelling. In Edtngburg resides Mr. C- , who is a huye, though not as witty, as Falstaff. It is his custom when he travels to bok two places, and thus secure half the inside of the coach to himself. He sent his servant the other day to book him for
Glasgow. Tin- man returned with the fol.
lowing pleasing intelligence: "I've book'd
you, sir; there weren l two inside places lelC so I booked you one in arid one out
ed in my profession. I appreciate fully the
important duties 1 have so frequently to per
torm. Whcsf a man takes off his coat, and sits
down to be shaved, I have noticed that he un
lergnes a singular revolution r f character. He vow insensibly that for the Mme beitghe will
nentangte mmseit trom every care. H is
-omething like a warm bath. He it about to enjoy a luxury He is ijoing to be waited on.
lie lolls himself with pleasant reveiies He
VVe belieVe the custom of sending Valtn
tintss nearlv exploded. Some there are, however, who still cling to it as a valuable relic of by-gone days; and one calculated to es
tablish kindly feeling!. To such as these
we recommend the following, not only for
the ingenious simplicity of the contrivance hut the exquisite perfection of the orthogra phy, Saturday Cour
ORIGINAL SPECIMEN Of A VALENTINE.
Dear Mi . Editor 1 was yesterday very
much surprised, on putting on a pair of lambs1 wool stockings, to find a small hole in the heel of one. of them darned with brown silk: I, of course, wondered much at this phenomenon; and for the whole day, and the greater part of last night, I was racking my brains to discover what my laundress could mean by such a freak. The enclosed Valentine, which
I received this morning, explained the mvs-
tery; and as it may perhaps amuse some of ) our readers, 1 have taken the liberty of sending )ou the original, as received.
I am yours, Ate. O. N. Hocrmc.
my dare friend, i hav ben a long time a
tacked too u but newer dust ditkiver the tin
der pinching, as the french call it, in my brest
for u however this is hp yare nd the ld
Worshipping the Sun. Noticing the late
fogs iii London we find the observation of a
writer thnt ihey put him in mind i-f Persian ambassador's witty retort on the c-ld Sc 'ch
lady, who annoyed rim with questions, and at last enquired "Thev woiship the sun in
your country, sir! "Yes, madam, and 89 would they in your's if they had ever setTl him." Lord Dormer and Air- Edward Moncktoft
both stuttered dreadiurly. On. e upon the occasion of their meeting ir London, Mr. Monekton, seeing L id D-rmer making a vain attempt to give utterance to his words, said to him, "My dear lo or ord, wh j do 'nt you go to the man that cu cu -car cured me?"
wet pair. On a verv rainy day, ma&
entered hie house and whs accosted v his
wife in the following manner: "Nrw my dear while you are wet, go and ffc h me a bucket of water." He obeyed, hroaght the water and threw it all over her, saying at the same lime, 4,Now my dear, while you are wet go fetch another.1'
A Comic Magazine is announced for pul.lica-
and relatives that I had discovered which way' r .J c u j .u 3 un.es not cate two farthings for any body in the
my genius lay
My father looked at me, my mother's face Srightened, the boys stated at each other, and winked. I guess a doctor," said my father. "A clergyman," said my mother. " A lawyer," said Jack ' My fiiends," said I. with that sort of resolute composure, which on? puts on when he knows w! at he has to say will rather ki:k up a bohbr-ry . vou are wrong. I am going to New York, i am goinng to be a birher."
4- rvhal?'y burst from every hp. The boy s
laughed, my faiher looked snrpiird, my mo
world, except such as he can remember wiih sat-
sfaction. He. is a lord, an emperor. I have
often had occasion to remark thin species of
transformation i have sometimes vhaved the
merest vagabond, a fellow absolutely ot at the elbows, with a beard an inch long, and like a
!-bne-bi'U"h, and the whole exterior of one wb
was a wretch without being (as the man in the play Says) proud of wretchedness, and who I knew, moreover, the moment he quit'ed my
.reence, would sneak off with the unquivocal humility of a dog flying from a broomstick ban die! yet, in my chair he wuld bttry that lurk
ing consciousness that uses cecretly in the heart
r j i
dies may say what they lick, I am detarmin tion in London. People would always rather
ed no longar to keep the eickrat in my bux-l laugh than cry so we give them the very lazum, for when I am nllone I mourn my fat asjtest good tin A sleepy hat. "Why . Bob, what
the tender turkey dove dux her lost Mat and a sleepy hat youvve got! Sleepy hat ! What whips my telf at such a rat that I fair my grifjdo yon mean by that?" Why it must be sleep-
will in iag me to mv graf before my Tim
My murther his Now out! and farther is noil near so I seire the hoppertunitea to teacup my Pin to scratch these fue lines to you, and O! my Deer, my Hart Doe jump as i dug so i Get on slowly as I hav only a Still pin which sleeps threw the paper every minuet i Hav no other pin but a quill and no pinnifn sept farthtr's racer which is locked up in the Thickhaddy. U may wunder hoo your Crossponder is like, I ham a ta! gal my fetters are good tho pitied with th snial poghekes, ! ham allso
considered a sharp gal for my Edge which is
rintin t Ham allso A very good skoldharu at
, , ' . of humblest individual undergoing the agrcea hock nolcc and i Ham very fond of Reading tva m.tde vip. and so were my arrangements. ,, . c , , , . , .. , , . . . J . . J S I flip nnPrMfirtri ill sh-.l.kn l Kirli iilIaa the rli. Wilra an,i fk'it flit! nnl tt.vt rnnu 1 1 roarl
. , I ........ ..-1 c-...,w, -it'v. uuiaiii uiitt uuilfcel'l. ill (it inui Si'- in. . n.
lection ot a good artist, I fearlessly assert is sept the Tims noopepper witch Bob t lie pot
one ot the most delichttol to which an inlelli
gent individual can be subjected. It furnishes an excitement without any consequent depress
ion of spirits; and the languid inanimation into
which every one falls while surrendering him self lhu to the discietion and taste of the bar
ber, is the lest evidence theieof. Yet, eentle
reader, there be people who look down un my virtuous, useful, and simple business v ith con- . I V -. I . I t
tempi. lawyer, lorsoom ami nal IS a lawyer? one whose trade it is. lo. make light wiong, nl wrong right; and a soldier? one who kills fir pay; and all your host of grpat and proud men! What are they better than I? Nay, ire I hey s gjorl? Is there not in every other
business ; dash of temptation to do evil, which
1 was tn:;i sixteeen. Lvety body knows, or ev
ery body ought know, how the Yankee lamilies manage these matters. A hot of sons grow cp to he great, tall, gawky hoys, and then sis persp. to seek their fortunes Snme them go to the smith, clear forests, bny plantations, without any money, and pay for them out of the proii's. open stores and taverns, and all that.
Some, by hook r by crok, heaven only knows
hov. go to the legislature, and get to be great
men. ari'i members ot congiess. borne tiirn
peddlers, g to Louisiana, and p.tas themselves for colonU. Whole shoals float down to New York, and te i a school. Tint's regnUi Y in keo. Set one ofihe-eraw farm hoys down in the m:dst ot a strange city, and he goes to teach ing school the first ttiin. If he does not know ho v4 L leitofl. fiose cf tb.c n n,cn Jt1
y it'm an lvnrr flinrf it Knrt u nan
Another. I never will many a woman who
can't carve, said W . TVhyr because sne-
woald aot be a help meat to me.
Utt of Xotorietf. The pamphlet f tht'rer. Dr. Wilson, who, n acctunt of it, was expelled from acting as chaplain to the New York legislature, sells s rapidly that in one day, ayt a New Yoik paper, a single bookseller sold nough to pay for publishing antlber edition, which will imrjidiatly succeed the first editita. of 10,000. fMts auecdott. A wealthy farmer in the State of New York, having Waa sued by Mr. Haven, wrote the. following classical epistle to his attorney: " E?q 8ur if that state Heaven' goes a , gin nie I want to carry it up to a higher carta
for God noes Idont otu him one cant.
boy brings nctioually with the Bcnrscpt when
wi! get Hah- at the Hinlermidyat shops i duz Ic-vo to se men lick u with grate wis
curs Hit j;ivs them the grand tnaiital luck of
han Off fie Sir Haid ho! if you wood cut inee hof a bite of yon ear!! Wood put it in a Lowrat and keen Hit for voui ai
Hi Ro i size wen i Thick i ioe not hoc t Ham and Hit duz not biccum a modat Gal ro speck out loo plainlie Bui praps u Will riuvi Me' howl vve n tt l ii lAat yore.
Larns ocl stockings j'o. 3 od a l.t'J? ole m tin j It is said that Pennsylvania sir.ee adoption of tic last Wick witch is now mrndcafl :vilh brnrcn her constitution has invested 'he sum cfthiitt slk!! Sow hs mo Howl if y u can Ueven millions of dolhrs ii: internal improve--hopping fat will Won day bring I '.ir. tu oen. . She has laniti? hvr t.un.oro- - t h
re.ithpr I irnal Itnnklude. this Vu t.istol u( 1.a 'tol.Jie works tnirtY-St v.. ta( .. - s
Aprtscnt. The keeper of the Menagerie in South tilth Mrect was very unexper tcdly greeted the oilier morning when he opened the shop, by an addition to his stuck in trade, in the person of a yoi.ng camel, wbose nim'r hail thus endured the puns of a double 'confinement'.
v- .it
evcu the best. enciitisi cauuot always entiiely fure it Ilcff I will Snsh with a spich licit of the iS.i.
K