Walkerton Independent, Volume 34, Number 18, Walkerton, St. Joseph County, 16 October 1908 — Page 7

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X" DE shack wanted ye z tuh heave clinkers, he did, ■ huh? Well, I s’pose yez tole where t’eli he got off, didn’t yoz?’’ "Naw, not fer dese weary meat ' hooks. I piles me carcus off de blind at dis hole in de woods an’, wedder permittin’, me and de boes from de Ollie Magoo belt’ll roost here ’til de

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snow flickers.” “Soy, how's de brakies down dat way? De last time me an’ de Honyak wuz dere, de connie elevated us from the inside of a empty inter a cactus garden, four hundred and eighty-wan miles from grub. We walks de ties fer tree weeks. Den we hits Alberquerque an’ I near had tuh beat a carpet tuh git grub. De ole gurrul would uv had me woikin’ only she grubs me foist, befoar she brings out de woik tools. Den I digs.” “Dere’s nuttin’ like dat, dere, dese days. Dey leaves de pies an’ eats out in de opun an’ de bo wot can’t freeze to wan meal an hour don’t git no soft woids from dis lulu.” That animated, brilliant and engrossing repertoire was only one of several thousand of the same variety, which comprised hobo reminiscences told by members of the great army of the unwashed which assembled in convention not many months ago at Clifford, 111., for the National Hobo reunion. Small tramps, fat tramps, tall tramps, short tramps, red-headed ones, blondes, colored tramps, low-down tramps, tramps with high personal regard for their vocations, and others who were sneaky and might be caught working, were it not for the watchfulness of their brothers, all assembled in solemn conclave to worship their goddess, Rest. These sons of rest —but they were not all sons, there were several daughters of rest —all paid their respects to the cause for which they are fighting in their own tactless way. They, for the nineteenth time, swore loyalty to the association’s motto: "Work, washing and worry are weapons of the devil and he who would knowingly or intentionally invite the descent of his platonic majesty in that manner, he it is who is no true Son of Rest.” Slothful Sam, President Weary Willie, Ragged Rufus, Tattered Tom, Reeking Relgnald, Dinky Dan, the best dressed “bo” In the association; Handout Hank, Pieface Peter, Loping Louie, Walking’ Walter, Frayed Francis, Mirthful Mike, Tin-Can Teddy, and all the rest of the influential brethren of the Fraternal Order of the Unwashed, were there. The attendance was as large as usual. There were some missing, of course. Roll call revealed the fact that Secretary Sighing Sinkers was unavoidably detained by friends among the authorities at the Desplaines street police station in Chicago. He was booked as a “vag,” much to the unwashed chagrin of President Weary Willie, who in the course of his opening address remarked that it was “De woist coise dat wuz ever put fort’ on dis susietie, tuh t’ink dat one uv de most necessary poisons of dr' order should be cumpelled tuh miss dis intellergen’ meetin’.” All the old officers of the association were reelected, the minutes of the meeting being inscribed upon the brain of President Weary Willie until Secretary Sinkers should be released from his sojourn in Chicago. The members of the association, the most easily satisfied crowd on earth, then adjourned. This action consisted of the chief executive dropping into a sound sleep. Others did the same. The following day the annual games of the organization were given. There were several innovations, hitherto not introduced. The long distance snoozing contest drew out several hundred entries and it required three days before the judges were able to render a decision. Wakeful Waffles was returned victor eventually, but up to the time of writing he was still snoozing noisily, utterly ignorant of the honor which his happy faculty had thrust upon him. The handsomest, hobo contest was captured by Dinky Dan, who in a little address to the slumbering contestants in the long-distance sleeping contest, declared that in the absence of any prize, the honor alone gave him plenty of satisfaction.

FAT MAN WAS EXCUSED

But Woman Left Him in t'npleasant Frame of Mind. After the fat man had struggled and jammed and twisted past the woman in the end seat of the summer car and sat down with a bang it was seen that his face was red and his feelings were nurt. He held on to himself for a block and then .-aid;

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It was decidedly appropriate that Handout Hank should corral the

laurels in the handout roping contest. The pies, which proved the articles of war and also the prizes, were placed on a ledge on the outside of a house loaned for the purpose. Hank, instead of struggling with his fellows on the outside, stole a pitchfork, went insi^-the-heMse and speared the pies, one by one, from the second story window. Then to rub in the defeat inflicted upon the rest of the convention, he sat on the sill of the open window and slowly munched the pastry delicacies, to the discomfiture of several hundred upturned hungry faces. Several weeks before the session wis called to order Slothful Sam appeared as an advanqe guard of the army of the unwashed and prepared a set of rules, which were turned over to the meeting, but were turned dowm by unanimous vote, the members fearing they might inflict punishment upon themselves by voting for the proposed regulations. Following were Sam’s proposals: That one month’s growth of beard be made the maximum. That special refrigerator cars be provided for tanks. That questionable touring anecdotes be punished according to the veracity of the tales. That any member guilty of work be made to toil and wash daily. That hoboes found guilty of aiding in perpetuating the ancient tin can joke be shunned by their fellows. That members apprehended with soap upon their persons be given capital punishment. That rewards of merit be devised for those who promised to work, secured a meal upon that basis, and then deserted. That a system of chalk signals be arranged to designate homes where the lady of the house is generous. That the war on savage dogs be carried on with the extermination of all canines in view. That brakemen be ma.de honorary members of the order. That those brakemen who have distinguished themselves in the aid of members be awarded rewards of merit. That thorough tests, mental and physical, be provided for taking in new members. That beer be made the official drink of the order. That water be shunned with customary regularity. President Weary Willie pointed that these rules showed the deep thought of Slothful Sam. The president ruled that a man guilty of thinking should be watched, for he might work. So fearful lest there should be a joker concealed somewhere within the resolutions, the convention turned them down flat. "Even wld dese t’ings aside,” soliloquized Weary, "it needs woik ter keep dem resolushuns on de members’ min’s an’ woik is de most hated uv de order’s enemies.” So that ended Slothful Sam’s great coup. He said he thought he had a great idea, but he had not figured that in nursing his plans he had infringed upon one of the most sacred traditions of his brothers. Before members were allowed to enter the field in which the convention was held, a thorough inspection was made of the man’s credentials. Bona fide proof of membership was necessary. Traces of prosperity about the hobo’s person relegated him to the position of a rank outsider. Special arrangements were made with railroad companies for the transportation of such undesirables. The meetings, as a rule, were held in Riverview park, Clifford, but occasionally committees met wherever there was standing room. A grand parade

"Madam, when I started to board । this car it was under the impression I that you were a lady.” i "Yes, sir,” she replied. , “I believed that you would move I along and give me room.” j ‘‘Yes, sir.” “I believed that you, as a lady, ' would much prefer moving along to ■ having me climb over your feet in the | way I was compelled to.”

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"Yes, sir.” "But, madam, you did not move — not an inch.” “No, sir, I didn’t.” "On the contrary, you sat tight. You even grasped the stanchion in your hand, as if to prevent me from ousting you.” “Yes, sir.” "Then, madam —then, in consideration of the above incontestible and incontrovertible facts, I am obliged to observe that to the best of my knowledge and belief you are no lady.”

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of hoboes took place on the third day of the conventic a and It was watched by hundreds of townspeo-

pie. The hobo association of a i iear-by district gave an excursion, and a feast, a fter which the members disbanded to their regular territories, most of them going into winter qul .rtere. The reader will wonder where the wayfarers -slept while they were engaged in e&M-.ing out their convention plans. otLeL? wondered; too,— Vut jane, early-rising farmer near Clifford determined for himself when he fouund the co inn It tee upon the extermination of water snoring in key of A In a manger early one morning. Othjers took to reclining benches in the parks, sonn 5 utilised fence corners, while the more listless of the order satisfied themselves with such luxuries < >f sleep as were furnished underneath front porchi >s. All in all, it must be said that the convention was a great success, more enthusiasm attending the meeting than ever before. 1 'here was more grub, less allusion to soap and w ster and lots of sleep for the tourists. THE WARPED SENSE OF HUMOR. It is a big thing to be born with a sense of humor. It will force smooth sailin gon life's roughest seas, and will make even dru igery bearable. The woman who caunot see a ; oke, even at her own expense, is to be pitied—and so a^e her funloving friends. There is nothin? harder on both sides than a humorism that falls flat. The good people who are inte rested in the decrease of divorce should have a la w passed that the serious minded and the joker may not wed. It means ructions ere the orange bldssoms fade. A man not long ago was bewaiillng a broken engagement. A friend who knew them both said: “It is the Lord taking a hand) to save you from a lifetime of misery. Georgia Wouldn’t see fun if it were labeled JOKE, and you i couldn’t help joking though it meant a separation from those you loved best.” But it is one thing to have a sense of humor and another to have a warped sense of humor. There is no one more maddening ths n the person who roars at our mishaps and things it “so funny” to mortify his friends. You can afford to laugh—if I you feel like it—■ when you fall in a crowded ballroom or lose your false puffs in church; but you (have no friendship so tender that will warrant a smile when a friend does the same.. I It is the woman with the Imißplaced sense of humor who tells embarrassing anecdotes about family makeshifts, or who repeat^ as a good joke to a common friend something wju have said about her but never intended her tcLhear. One of these misplaced humorists is the husband who thinks it funny to ask a luest to have certain dishes, and when she acceptpHo tell her “We ar® just out of it” | Have you never been covered with embarrassment by having such a man ask you to say grace at his dinner table and shriek v^ith laughter at your efforts to get out of it? Then there are humorists who, when you tell a good story, think it “smart” to receive it with forced guffaws, and others who willfully refuse to laugh at the point. Laugh all you can, but have a sense of fitness in your laughing. To joke oYer the bumps in your own life will do much to smooth them; to find humor in the mishaps of your flriends is soon to find yourself friendless. | No matter how keen yourfsense of humor, use discretion in sharing a joke idth a friend. Humor is like lightning. It rarely i strikes twice in the same way.

“No, sir,” was the sweet reply. “If you had ieen, you would have hitched along.” “Yes, sir. Yfes, sir. If I had been a lady, I should have hitched along into the pool «>£ molasses that came from somebody's broken bottle, and should have been stuck fast to the seat, as you are now. I am no lady, and you are a gentleman, and I get off here and I excuse you, sir, and hope you won't tear up the seat getting out.”—Rochester Democrat and Chron icle.

BUFFALO HAS J REAL LIVE GHOST “SPOOKY” APPEARANCE SCARES PEOPLE IN YARD OF MURDERED MAN’S HOUSE. TWO BROTHERS SEE SPECTER Believed to Be Spirit of Man Recently Shot by Wife—Description of Apparel Tallies with That Worn by Him. Buffalo, N. Y.—Out on Niagara street near the scene of Buffalo's last murder case, the ghost of Alexander Sutherland walks at night time. At least there are men who are firmly convinced they have seen the spirit of the dead man in the quiet hours that just precede the dawn, and they insist that their belief is well founded. Immediate neighbors who have seen anything of the apparition cannot be found, but this may be because the folk of the neighborhood retire early. Two men, Fred Maigh and his brother, Charles Maigh, are the witnesses to the ghost story. The Maighs live in a boarding house about a block from the Sutherland house: One night about ten days ago Fred Maigh saw what he thought was a ghost. A few nights later the two brothers saw it, or else both were decidedly deceived. At any rate, they were much frightened. Fred Maigh told about his experience, and it was not of a nature inclined to make a timid man want to go hunting for more adventure of the same sort. He was homeward bound after two o'clock in the morning and walked past the Sutherland house. His own words best describe what happened. “I ’as walking along without paying any particular attention to my surroundings,” said he, “when I heard a clattering noise as if a man fell and then bumped down a stairway. The noise may not have come from the house. I really could not tell where it came from, but I looked into the yard. There I saw a figure of a man in trousers and shirt, a black shirt

Si Jc ow •iiJ -+^7} — * I' ' X’M" L r'V—u: . J k > The Specter Held One Hand Over His Breast.” open at the neck. He held one hand over his breast. It was not a usual sight at that time of night, for the man wore no hat, but I did not connect it with the Sutherland case. I glanced up and down the street. I suppose it was instinctively, to see if I was alone on the street. When 1 looked in the yard again nothing was there. “The disappearance of the man was so sudden it started me thinking, and then I recalled that in the house near by Alexander Sutherland was shot and killed by his wife. I can tell you my hair stood on end and I did not linger in the neighborhood to investigate. The next day I told my brother Charley of the experience, but he didn't take any stock in it. He does now, though, because he was with me last Thursday night, or rather Friday morning, and saw something of the same sort.” Charley, who was with his brother when the story was told, verified the account of the latest occurrence. The two brothers were bound home after midnight and when near the Sutherland house heard a clattering noise. Both were pretty much frightened, because the noise was similar to to Fred’s description of what he heard preceding the first apparition. To gether the} 7 looked where he had previ ously saw what he took for a man Nothing was there. Then his brothei seized his arm and exclaimed: “Look there, back by the barn." The form of a man was seen moving out of the space between two houses The two men were so nervous the? did not examine it closely enough to describe accurately its appearance, they say, but in a general way it answered to the description of the man previously seen by Fred. It stood still a moment, then walked forward and disappeared. The peculiarity of apparel, tallying as it does with Sutherland’s when he was killed, the clutching of the breast (Sutherland was shot through the breast) and the other unusual features of the case, however, seem enough to warrant them in their belie’ that they really saw the spirit of th* deal? man. Australia’s Famous American. In Melbourne the American sailors saw the style and title of a famous countryman of theirs, Capt. Freeman Cobb. It was he who in the early 'sos established the coaching firm of Cobb & Co., which became a. household word all over Australia. There were few railways at that time, and Cobb's six-horsed coaches became the regular means of communication between Melbourne and Ballarat, Bendigo and most of the other up-country gold fields. That cute Yankee, Capt. Freeman Cobb, who saw the opportunity and grasped it, soon returned to America with a handsome fortune, but Cobb <fc Co. is still at the head of the coaching business in Australia.

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India’s Precious Metals. It is estimated that $1,500,000,000 in gold, and perhaps as much in silver, is hidden away in the Hindu stocking Vast quantities of the precious metals are known to be kept in the form of personal ornaments. From time immemorial India has been a reservoir into which the precious metals have flowed from all quarters of the globe, only to disappear from statistics. Could the idle wealth be drawn upon, the effect on the industrial and commercial life of the country would be very great. It is, therefore, a matter of concern to try to turn India’s dormant capital to active use. It may be impossible to do it. The Oriental mind views everything in away incomprehensible to westerners. But if only a tithe of the concealed hoards of India were vitalized a new aspect might be given to the conditions of life in England’s great eastern empire. How’s This? We offer One Hundred Dollars Reward for any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured by Hall's Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHENEY A CO.. Toledo. O. We. the undersigned, have known F. J. Cheney for the last 15 years, and believe him perfectly honorable in all business transactions arid financially able to carry out any obligations made by his firm. Wauuno, Kinnan A Marvin, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo. O. Hal!’* Catarrh Cure is taken Internally, acting directly upon uie Blood and mucous surface* Os uc system. Testimonials sent tree. Price 75 uuu per bottle. Sold by all Druggists. Take Hall’s Family Pills for constipation. Imaginary Holidays. I know a man who cannot afford to travel, and yet has a delightful way of deceiving himself. He learns about the cost of traveling, the proper clothing to he worn, gets a time table, and arranges excursions for himself to various places, and then reads about them in books of travel. To the man with imagination it is a captivating occupation.—Hearth and Home. A very simple and efficient Stock Tonic or Stock Food may be prepared at home at small cost by using ten pounds of wheat bran or other ground food, two and one-half pounds of oil meal and two and one-fourth pounds of Compound RoC. Compound RoC may be had at any drug store, and should not cost to exceed one dollar for two and cne-fourth pounds. Upward by Degrees. For man must be disappointed with the lesser things of life before he can comprehend the full value of the greatest. —Lord Lytton. Instant Relief for All Eyes, that are irritated from dust, heat, sun or wind. PETTIT’S EYE SALVE, 25c. All druggists or Howard Bros., Buffalo, N. Y. It’s a pity some people can’t marry for brains instead of money.

Habitual Constipation Hay permanently overcome by proper personal efforts vntMhc assistance of the one truly kenejicial laxative remedy, Syrup of tigs and Kluir cf Senna, which enable 5 one io form regular nabits daily So that assistance to nature may be gradually dispensed**JK when no longer needed a$ the best of Vein edies, when required, are to assist nature and not to supplant the nalur. al functions, which must depend ultimately' upon proper nourishment, proper efforts, and ri^ht living generally. To get its beneficial effects, always buy' the genuine Syrup^figs^Elixir Senna w,anu|actu by Mv California Fig Syrup Co. only SOLD BYALL LEADING DRUGGISTS one cue only, regular price 50? per Bottle HI Throat and Lungs UI need just the protection aguinct cold MH and disease that is obtained from Piso's Cure. If you have a cough ASI or cold, slight or serious, begin tak- [jSj j ing Piso’s Cure today and continue HHn until you are well. Cure the cough |rSj|l while it is fresh, when a Jew doses of Piso’s Cure may be all that you will need. Famous for half a cen- maw lury ’ ,o ?aF,e - F ree from oflgg opiates and harmful ingredient*. SPES At all druegista', 25 ct*.

CASH For Infants and Children. The Kind You Have Always Bought Bears the v ft Ju ' n nJ v For Over Thirty Years CASTORIA TH« CSKTAUR COMPANY, REW TORU CITY.

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