Walkerton Independent, Volume 34, Number 13, Walkerton, St. Joseph County, 11 September 1908 — Page 2

I? — $ i Sultan to Decapitate j | His Court Astrologer * I By WILLARD W. GARRISON I i Soothsayer Gets In Bad with the Stars and Is Now in Jail !

Wise Sage Will Offer Up His Head as । New Year’s Gift to Turkey’s Highest Potentate —Recital of the Country’s Trials and Tribulations — Some High Officials »«*Hee—Others Are Jailed Before They Can Escape — How His Majesty Feels About the Regal Distress.

J " X-CO U R T ASETROLOGER ABDUL HUDA’S New Year’s of-

<or by Lord High Guardian of His Maj jesty’s Wearing Apparel Mafld Mobammed. who whispered the words across the plaza to a tall blonde lady who was interested in stars before 'they thrust Huda into jail. It all came about in this manner: At a recent star chamber session -between his majesty and the court •astrologer, Huda informed the sultan Chat as far as he could discern by daylight the orbs of the universe were <n their correct positions, thus lending •security to the monarch. A few days later the Young Turks started revolution. A few days after that the sultan was compelled to proclaim that the equaleights constitution of 1876 would again be in force. This he did with one I I J •_. ___ IW -a j v ABDUL HUDA. eye pinned upon the threat that the empire would be disrupted by the malcontents. Then he fired the cabinet. And appointed a new one. Tonally a minor palace official attempted to locate his majesty’s vitals between the ruffles of the latter's coat -of mail. Each day as his majesty smoked his long pipe, dismissed these disturbances by a new shifting motion, the impression began to gain strength with him that ail was not serene. The use of the word serene in his ‘thoughts immediately recalled the star predictions of Abdul Huda, but then no better star-gazer was to be found in the empire, for had not the imperial guardian of the Turkish empire tested •him many times and found that Abdul’s predictions were always true? He had. Then mentally the sultan went over what his astrologer had told him only the Friday previous. Mars, the star which portended for war, was gradually fading away, and Huda, had also said that within a few weeks there would probably be no Mars. 'Fhe. big dipper, suggestive of the horn of plenty, was brighter than ever. Si was true, for had not Huda in all liis wise raving said it? Mercmy. the swift one. whose ex'iKtence was a memory of work, was .-(Mm to go into a perpetual total •< lips< . so had Abdul said. Huda's inside reasoning bad also depicted the eventual union between Jupiter and Venus, which, of course, augured well for friends of the sultan. Surely, then, there was no cause for trouble, the ruler soliloquized to himwlf. He paused and pondered and then lit up with a new kind of tobacco. Fifteen minutes elapsed. “Ha, 1 se<> it all," he whispered to the Foyil fox terri'! "Huda’s in bad with the stars." Then in a loud voice: “Corporal ;f the imperial guard, front!” in cr.tm she trusty band, weapons in i and. "HuiF up Abdul Huda, royal astrolo-

•'i / * 4 *’ ? ' \ 8, / t ■:' - ' .f. , ' f . / • ' / y 9. r J 1 ? 1 - •.H I /Jr/ 1 - ' 5 " ’I 1 I A* -v . ■ r-:’^ X- J . kL - : Si .^o^^ rwS*•w*- ‘-T"" * 0 jOoiM l* 1 V \ xN R PALACE OF THE SULTAN IN CONSTANTINOPLE *

sering to the sultan of Turkey will be the former's head. This is the latest bit of wireless news from the imperial palace at Con stantinople, and it is vouched

ger. and bring him hence," ordered his majesty. Within a few minutes, Huda, his trunk packed for his vacation, was 1 ushered into the regal presence, well knowing that the signs had been switched under his eyes. "Off with his head!" shouted the sultan, rising from the divan. Fifteen brown forearms pulled 15 । shining sabers and were ready to deliver the fatal stroke with the same regularity that governs up-to-date melodrama. "Stay, slaves,” quoth his highness, “I would fain give him a worse punishment before I am ready to deprive him of what little gray matter there mav ho beneath that bald pate. To the dungeon with him.” The day's routine over, the sultan reseated himself upon the divan and thought of what had best be done. Finally he decided that there could be no place just like jail as a punishment, and so Huda remained there. However, the story goes, the former student of the stars will offer up his head on New Year's day as his sacrifioe for getting into the evil graces of the stars. Previously everything had looked ' splendid to the monarch. The Young Turks had not objected to his harem until Huda got in bad with the planets and many of that party had promised to leave the country rather than be called to purgatory by decapitation. Now all was changed. It certainly must have been the star expert, the ; ruler mused to himself. His staunchest regiments were constantly deserting him, the Young Turks were coming closer to his palace in a menacing manner, despite the fact that the con- । stitution had been granted. Would ; they never be satisfied with what was due any respectable slave? They were getting control of nearly every branch of the government and now it was necessary to discharge his own ministry because they were polluted with ideas of the party which he wished had never been devised by his enemies. As each step in this fearful condition of things came to his mind his royal highness decided that it looked < darker for Abdul Huda’s head and also rather dark for Abdul Second s safety, the latter being the sultan himself. i There was no one else to blame it ; on except the astrologer. Had not his

plea of sickness when other nations he has to empty the court water pitchslllll \ P z ^~7 / i %\ W L ^****~" ' ABDUL HAMID, 11. Sultan of Turkey.

pressed him for the return of their loans, always been sufficient to quell them? It had, and he could see no other reason for the status than by returning to his original reason. If things went wrong in this manner Huda must have been in league with the palace camarilla. A double tap at a secret bell, an order shouted down the speaking tube and the officials of the palace camarilla were pinched. This retinue included Riza Pasha, the former minister of war. and Rughib Pasha, one of the justly exalted and highly honored court chamberlains. Because he considered tho dig nity of his position Raghib barricaded himself within his cyclone cellar a few plazas from the royal mansion and prepared to sell his life as dearly as possible. He opened fire on the I police, but his ammunition soon gave i out and the minions of the law es-1 corted him into the royal presence, j who meted out 30 days and costs in ' the royal dungeon. Because the court soothsayer's report had been doctored, the sultan set about to corral the entire body of hangers-on, who daily loafed about the court. This done he issued notice that parliament, representing the people, would be held in the fall. He had to issue the notice himself, for the former power behind the throne—Achmed Izzet Pasha, his secretary—smelling the trouble by a far better method than that which the astrologer possessed, skipped the country and a few days later was reported in the United States. Then in view of the new order of things within his realm, Abdul II decided to call home his ambassadors at foreign capitals. Hence not long ago we read in press dispatches that Mehmed Ali Bey had been recalled from Washington and a successor appointed. The Turk recalled from the national capital is no other than the father of the missing secretary, and as a consequence it was expected that the pair would connive together as to the best mode of procedure in the present case, for both might be made a part of the consignment of corpses which the sultan had billed for the morgue on New Year's day. Thus by the foregoing will be seen that things are in a bad way in Turkey, and despite the fact that they cheer the sultan outside of the palace until

“Power Behind the Throne” Gone and the Monarch is Compelled to Dictate His Own “Copy”— Cheering of the Multitude Outside the Royal Palace Greatly Disturbs thejbßuler-— Granting of J^onstitu1 Grr4»Victory 1 so? Young 1 urks Part^—Other Events in Revolution of Form of Government. < J

I er upon them so that he may sleep in peace, many of the tall Turkish minds have announced that they "are going away from here, never again to return." Achmed Izzet Pasha’s absence was told by cable from Constantinople, but the source would not be divulged by the wise heads which gleaned the news. A cable stated that Izzet Pasha, as he is more familiarly known, went on board of a steamship near Constantinople and did not return. It was believed by those who have had the news from the Turkish capital that Izzet Pasha took passage for this country, where It was possible to find a safe asylum while political affairs in Turkey are adjusting themselves. For the last year at least Izzet Pasha had been a power at the palace of the sultan. And the cause of all this trouble, according to those who sympathize with his majesty, is none other than Huda himself. Therefore he is pining away the idle hours in the jail's solitary confinement pen. playing solitaire with the covers from Turkish cigarette boxes, which the guard shoves toward him with his manna and water twice a day. The only solace which he had on first entering the jail was that within two months he would have a full pack of cards for they furnished " X——» । ii a b J? n ;V /Y jp& b IZZETT PASHA. him a box of cigarette* with each meal. That is, his friends did. For they provide his luxuries, while the actual bodily necessities are given by the ruler himself. However, let it be said that the as trologer does not know of his fate, and he probably will not until the time comes for him to be led out to sacrifice his star-filled cranium to the art which he has studied throughout his 49 years. As Turks go he is a young man still, and being unmarried there probably will be few who mourii him. His only acquaintances were coart officials, and they had little love fpr him for the reason that he would at every opportunity take their predictions from their months and turning them intc magic Turkish words Velum them to the sultan as sayings ^m the Zodiac Put Blame in Right Place. Bachelors are fond of talking about the extravagance of wo^nen and giving that as the excuse for their not marrying while they knowM their hearts that there are lots of J women whom they might marry who are not extravagant, as regards clothes at least. But. these women they look upon as dowdies, and don't waist them for life partners, which goes Ito show that it is the extravagance i)f the bachelor that reacts and mak^s extravagant women.—Exchange. The Official 1/lind. The government requires 43,925 quarts of writing fluiq (recent statistics) simply because when the government wants to tell a. man—say, an examination candidate-t-to sit down at his desk, it says not “Pray be seated.” but "The candidate (or candidates) is (or are) requested and commanded to take (or adopt.) his (oi her) seat (or seats) at 'he table (< “ tables) with his (or he?) pen (or 1 as) in his (or her) hand (or hands) —The London Daily Mirror. Large Chinese nport. England semis to C (a every year : 6.000,000 pounds of c f densed milk । and 5,000.000 pounds o biscuits. L

YOUNG WOMAN CRAWLS OVER DESERT FOR HELP TRAVELS THROUGH BURNING SAND ON HANDS AND KNEES TO SAVE HELPLESS MAN. I Los Angeles, Cal. Harold Braly assistant superintendent of the Skidoo mint', near San Bernardino, and Miss , Lottie Davis, postmistress at Skidot), recently had the most hairowing des- : ert experience of the year, and both ' came near losing their lives. That i they did not is owing entirely to the । heroism of Miss Davis, who crawled I many miles over the burning desert sands after their lUtomobile had broken down and reached a civilized camp, whence a searching party was sent out after the unconscious mine superintendent. Braly and Miss Davis spent live days in crossing the desert between r She Crawled for Miles on Her Har-Js and Knees. San Bernardino and Skidoo. This stretch of sand is ordinarily traversable in an ;.uto in five hours, but one accident after another occurred. Finallj the auto was entirely disabled and, after futile efforts to mend it, Braly gave up. The girl worked with him for some time, then, as he bename delirious, she ivalized that if he was to be saved at all she must trust to her own exertions. She started to go to the railroad , station at Wild Rose. Four miles out of town her strength failed her and she was compelled to crawl on her ! hands and knees the remainder of the distance. She finally reached the , town, barely alive, told her storu, । and a searching party was at once dispatched for Braly. He was found , lying unconscious beside his auto. , They had practically nothing to eat . ! or drink for four days. RECEIVES OWN FUNERAL BILL. i Mistake in Names Causes Wife Needless Alarm. Philadelphia.—That Andrew Keiser of Seventh ami Diamond r-.'-t- a member of the staff of the office of the rcrL-trn of siud statistics, is not , on the list of "dead ones" is not due Ito any fault of Undertaker Henry I Schneider. Some time ago the wife of Mr. i Keiser received a bill for funeral exi penses incurred in the supposed burial jof her husband. Not knowing the meaning of the bill. Mrs. Keiser rushed i upstairs to her husband's room, where he was peacefully sleeping, and, awakI ening him, handed him the bill, de- ■ manding to know the meaning. i Keiser looked at the letter in amazei ment, and proceeded to get in touch ‘ with the man who had charge of his funeral. He called Mr. Schneider to find out the cause of the mistake, and, after a great effort, he finally convinced the undertaker that he still is alive and happy, notwithstanding the latter’s j attempt to put him on the list of the residents of the other world. After investigating Mr. Schneider I found that he had buried a man in i | Mr. Keiser's neighborhood who bore ■ j the name of Kayser, and thus what s । almost became the official loss of a ■ i worthy citizen was averted, to the ; satisfaction of all concerned. । i Rats Feast on B.by’s Foot. , 1 New Orleans.—After two burly rats I each had eaten enough of his feet to , i give them a good meal, Morris Ta- - I quino, three years old, son of George | Taqulno, a ladderman in the New Or- ' leans fire department, was taken to , ! the Charily hospital, where part of J one of the rat's tooth was found im--1 bedded in its foot. While the rats were feasting on the | boy he was squalling lustily in an at- * tempt to wake his n\other, who was 1 lying by him in the same bed. She i did not wake until the rats had eaten h?.lf of one of the child's big toes and had gnawed gashes in his heel. At the hospital where Morris was take: 1 , the injury was declared to be ' not serious and after the wounds were ; bandaged the boy was taken home. I Students at the hospital said they had ' never hpard of such an injury and ! that the} had never treated a person | who had been injured by ravenous I rats. The Taqmno home is one of the oldI est buildings in New Orleans, and is infested with a swarm of rats. Brilliant Mr. Wu. Os the 1 famoua Wu Ting-fang, who is said to have become a recent convert to vegetarianism, a Washington eorre Spondent said the other day: "Vegetarianism may strengthen Mr Wu’s body; his brain requires no tonic. A more brilliant mind doesn't exist. In my last interview with him he rattler! off, as you or I would rattle off weather talk, these epigrams: " He who expects to find pleasure In vice and boredom in virtue is still a novice in both.' “ ‘The most timid woman has courage enough to talk scandal.' " ‘The rich meet relations in the most distant foreign lands, but the poor man can hardly find them in his own family.’ “ The prison, though locked day aad ' jight, is always full.’ ”

VISITS WlTH]l WAOJ'Jg/ Slivers of Thought. 7i ■ ■ ' k 1 ■ G - ' • i i There is one nice thing about these । physical culture girls. In after years, they have plenty of muscle for applying a slipper to Willie where it will do the most good. * A ☆ If Rockefeller spent his income in postage stamps, lie would have to lick eighty two-cent stamps a second. That would be going some, wouldn’t it? i it ☆ Some are weatherwise and some are otherwise, while still others are Johnny wise. ir it ft । lowa claims a male child, born during convention week and not named Bill! * t'he man who is on top always be-; lieves in the survival of the fittest. ' O O O A Perfect Husband. । Indiana is boasting of a perfect husband. and a lot of the girls in our set are planning on spending their vaca ; lion in the literary state hoping to , get one like him. This husband never : stays down town late nights, is never ’ cross, brings home all his salary, j ' never mixes in politics, does not be-1 long to a club, never drinks, smokes ' or swears, is morally perfect and has ! • warm feet. The only possible thing ’ 1 can think of that might not be right about this man. is his breath. That might be bad! o o o In Love. When Phoebus sinks beneeth the sea 1 And vesper twilluht blends above, ’Tis then that Venus sallies forth To rule the rosy land of love! To weave a magic spell of bliss—i The sesame, a lover's kiss! PW f i 1W lit v । [ : . I > I AM. Fabian, defer no more’ The chaini ol Eove Is m the air And dewy eve lies sparkling here > In diamond hues beyond compare—- ' Oh, yield to Eros ere the light | Has faded into grewsome night! ■ i Aurora’s car stands idle now And Phoebus slumbers in the sky. I The night wind, soughing through the wood. Is chanting twilight’s lullaby— I Now Cupid is the welcome king । That rules the fate of everything! । Come, yield unto the hour of night When moonlight ripples on the crest And let us drift in plighted bliss . ' I'pon the glint of Lethe’s breast! Oli. in the waning hour of light. 1 I Say yes, my love—say yes, to-night! 1 o o o Letter from William Butterworth, Desirable Citizen, to Sylvanus . Clegg, Plumber. DEAR SIR: . Some days ago I ordered a water i , jack from you. What you sent me j seems to belong to another branch of i , ' the jack family! It makes a lot of t noise when it breathes, but it won’t 1 , work. What 1 want is a water jack and not a jasack! , I want a water jack that will pump water from my basement —that is. the basement of my house —into my attic, not a machine that squirts water back- j wards into the hired girl’s eye! > J When I turned a faucet in the bath- j room, T want water, not hot air. I ■ didn't buy a boneyard attached to my kitchen sink. I want water, not • sewer gas! I'm not in the balloon : business! I have no use for a machine that pumps wind. We don't wash in wind at our house. Now, I want you to come up to my place about as quickly as the Lord > will let you, and take this infernal ma- ' ‘ chine out of my internal region and ini I stall therein a gasoline engine that । will gas. 1 m tired of monkeying with a water jack that won't jack! What ’ ! I want now is something that will do ' i mitre work and not blow so much “ ■ about it. Yes, I got your biH. I've put it in i the ice house. Maybe you think you i can work off that kind of a knocki i kneed, wind-broken. bone-spavined ; water jack on ME. but vou’ve hitched your asinine pretention to the wrong • ' water system, young feller. Get busy! : । Calmly yours, William Highbrow Butterworth. Desirable Citizen A Gentle Criticism. ’ The difference,” remarked the drug . store philosopher, as a motor car > barely missed him, “is that wild geese honk, continually, while the educated , goose is the fellow who forgets to । । honk.” AM Cater to Foreign Trade. Owners of even the smallest toy > manufacturing establishments in the . Nuremburg district. Germany, cater । | for the foreign trade. Factories employing from six to twenty people art* । I au exception

HOUSE WORK f—l Thousands of American women in our homes are daily sacrificing their lives to duty. In order to keep the home neat and pretty, the children p t il dressed and tidy, women overdo. A fem.de weakness or displacement, is often brought on and they suffer in silence, drifting along from bad to worse’ knowing well that they ought to have help to overcome the pains and aches which daily make life a burden. It is to these faithful women that LYDIA E. PINKHAM’S VEGETABLE COMPOUND comes as a boon and a blessing, as it did to Mrs. F. Ellsworth, of Mayville, N. Y., and to Mrs. W. P. Boyd, of Beaver Falls, Pa., who say: “ I was not able to do my own work, owing- to the female trouble from which I suffered. Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound helped me wonderfully, and I am so wch that I can do as big a day's work a° I ever did. I wish every sick woman vomd try it. FACTS FOT S3C&C WO&3EN. For thirty yecxs Lydia E. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound, made from roots and herbs, has been the standard remedy for female ills, and has positively cured thousands of women who have been troubled with displacements, inti; mmation, ulceration, fibroid tumors, irregularities, periodic pains, backache, that bear-ing-down feeling, flatulency, indigestion, dizziness,or nervous prost rat ion. Why don’t you try it ? Mrs. Pinkham invites all sick women to write her for advice. She lias guided thousands to health. Address, Lynn, Mass. Danger in New York Roads. There is an average of seven car collisions a day on the steam. Subway, elevated and surface railways of New York. Lewis’ Single Binder cigar—richest, most satisfying smoke on the market. Your dealer or Lewis' Factory, Peoria. 111. Pretty teeth are responsible for a good many smiles. Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Srrnp. For children teething, softens the gums, reduces tnCsmtuation. allays pain, cures wind cello. 25c a buttle. The man who pays his debts is true lu Uis trust.

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