Wabash Scratches, Volume 2, Number 1, Lafayette, Tippecanoe County, 27 March 1848 — Page 4

A YANKEE SPECULATION. The other, day, being in the vicinity of the old Cradle of Liberty, we paused to witness the operations of a cute Yankee at a refreshment stall. The object of our attention was a. stalwart, red-cheeked youth, with fox skin cap, blanket coat, woolen mittens, and might have come down from Vermont with a load of venison and poultry. It was evident from his manner, that he had got through with his business, whatever it was, and was now a man of leisure. The chapman displayed his most tempting edibles, for he saw before him acustomerable to extend a liber al patronage. The Yankee looked over his whole stock of trade, and priced every article he had. "How much is that ere candy a stick ?" he would say. , , Two cents.' 'Whllbut by hulsalef Twoicents a dozen.' , WalR-but seein U's me.' 'Seeirjit's you, you may have a dozen sticks foi a sixpence.' .'Do you think I'm made of gold, you .shaver?' retorted the Yankee. 'Never mind drive on How's doughnuts?' As he fixed upon a plate of those- delicious Yankeeisms his avid and devouring eyes. , Here he stood on safe ground; some of the other fixena were beyond his compre hension but 'he knew doughnuts as well as he knew beans,' 'How's doughnuts?' , 'Doughnuts has riz,' replied the vender, with ftn air & proEtfid iipoan t intelligence. j 'The continuence of the Mexican war,', lie added, raising his right arm oratorically, and transforming himself into a human teapot, 'the proposed loan and the drain of specie, has caused a rise of breadstufis ' flour has riz, and doughnuts has gone up: ; " ; ; 'What's all that are nonsense about the Mexican war fur, you d -d jackass?' said the Yankee. 'How's doughnuts?' , 'One cent per nut,' replied the vender, lowering his arm and tone. Mought a fellow take his pick?' inquired the customer, hesitating with his cent in his left mitten. v, 'Oh! certing certing,' replied the dealer." The Yankee deposited the specie, and seized on a doughnut which , he had before selected with his eyes. Itwas a sockdolager as big a as Baldwin apple, 'Anything else?': Inquired the vender, as he swept the coin into his drawer, and noted the sale on his slate. 'Not to-day,' replied .the Yankee with a gleam of satisfaction, as he withdrew pwith his prize. , We were curious enough i to follow him we watched him as he set v his teeth into the immense mass. Alas! for the vanity of human hopes. That doughnut was an imposition a sham a mere batter bubble ; blown into the semblance of solidity. . . Loud were the imprecations of the, Yankee. .' " - " " 'Taken in, by thunder !' be exclaimed. 'These Boston chaps do beat the devil! He " done me out of that ere cent as slick &3 grease upon a cartwheel. Might

have bought an apple with it- might have bought two sixes might have bought a world of notions and car'd home presents to the family and nowTm"burnt and bubbled. It's too bad!' And we left him 'fit to weep,' and 'not to be consoled. A raw looking genius a wag, by the way stepped into Halliday apothecary shop, yesterday morning. Do you keep drugs and medicines here!' s'aid he to Halliday, who was busy at the counter. ' Yes sir.' V How much are they?' The proprietor smiled, looked quizzically at the stranger, and replied About a feet, I reckon.' 'Well I'll take one of each!' continued the other. Halliday concluded he wasone of 'em' who had just come to town, and cordially invited him to take a glass of something to take! OT'Look a-AeaA, you Paddy' whr wha-what is you a huggin, and kissin, dat a post for?' said a colored man, a day or two since, on seeing an Irishman tightly embracing of the telegraph posts, near this city, on the New York line. 'Howld yer toong nagei : don't be playin' boderation wid jae now whin yez saa I'm ingaged intirely! replied Pat. 'I-I-I-dusn't want to boder ye but I'd like to know what you's doin', dats all.' 'Och ye smutty-faced bla'guard, don't ' yez saa that Tse tst'alin this ' opportunity! on the tilegraph to make love to me darlin' little ooman in Philadelphia?' ( 0?"A droll fellow was asked by an old lady to read the newspaper; and taking it up, began as follows: 'Last night yesterday morning, about two o'clock in the afternoon before breakfast, a hungry boy about forty years old, bought a fip custard for a levy, and threw it through a brick wall nine feet thick, and jumping over it broke his ancle right off above the knee, fell into a dry mill pond and was drowned. About forty years after that on the same day, an old cat had nine turkey goblers, a high wind blew Yankee Doodle on a frying pan, and knocked the old Dutch church down, and killed. an old sow and two dead pigs at Bosling, where a deaf and dumb man was talking French'td his aunt Peter.' The old lady, taking a long breath, exclaimed 'Du tell !' It takes the Vidders! Quit a mistake lately took place in a love affair at the north. A coup'e of young agreed to elope together, and by some mistake in the preliminary arrangements the lover put his ladder up to the window next that in which his sweitheart slept, which proved to be that in which her mamma, a handsome widow, reposed. She turned the mistake to her. own advantage, got into his arms returned his embraces, wa3 bora by him to the carriage, and by preserving a becoming silence, until daylight, kept him in error, aSd then by the potent ' power of her blandishment actually charm cd him into matrimony with her.

TEMPERANCE STORY. The wags tell a story of Deacon A one of the Massachusetts delegation in Congress. On newyear's day he accompanied others in the round of caUs on distinguished citizens of the national metropolis, officials, &c. On returning to dinner, "the member" was observed to be quite glib of tongue and flushed of countenance. The conversation turned on the pleasant calls of the morning, and Mr. A. expressed himself highly gratified. "Did you drink the apple toddy at Mr. W 's?' inquired a friend.; "Oh, no!' said Mr. A. "I am president of the county temperance society! but I took some of his custards and found them delicious!' Like Davy Crocket, the deacon called things by the wrong name. The custard was a beverage called "egg nogg," served in small glasses. 'Ma has Flour been sick?' 'Sick? Why no! you sarpent! What under the canopy made you ask that question? 'Coz the Express says ' Flour is better;' don't see how it could be better if it hadn't been wuss: nor how it could have been wuss if it hadn't been sicJc. Thai's the how on't mother,' 'Jake;' - 'Waal, mother?' You'll be the death o f somebody yet.' 'Yethem.'

A PlXK OF A'- Bjf-Atr -The -Mlsg'sa'p pi -Telegraph published in Louisville, Miss., says: .

The Publisher of this paper would

respectfully inform the public, and the ladies especially, that he has gotten thro' with the press of business, and is now ready to attend quiltings, candy-pullings and other parties on the shortest notice, with neatness and despatch.' 'Sam, do you know any songs?' ; 'Yes I know two.' 'What are they Sam?' 'One's Old Hundred, and t'other aint.'

'Jim,' said Abner Phelps the other day to his son 'Jim, you are lazy; what on earth do you expect to do for a living?' Why, father, I've been thinking as how I would be a Revolutionary Pensioner!'

A writer some where saya : 'The march of civilization is onward onward like the slow but intrepid tread of a Jackass towards a peck of oats.' A horseman stopped at a tavern, and without dismounting, called for a pint of beer He liked it and took another. After the second, he said, 'Landlord, whose beer is this?' 'Perot's sir.' 'Well

its excellent stuff I'll get oil and try some.' . O-'Sammy, Sammy, my son, don't stand there scratching your head; stir your stump8,or you will make no progress in life.' , -."..'-.; Why, father, I've often beard you say that the only way to get on in the werl'i was to tcrateh ahead.1