Vevay Times and Switzerland County Democrat, Volume 4, Number 12, Vevay, Switzerland County, 22 February 1840 — Page 4

POETICAL.

Interesting Dialogue. A PARODY.

Out or Ciuracte*.— Under this, head, the Baltimore Clipper tells the following anecdote: Yesterday wo saw a' full-blooded Irishman' eating tour Iron/, sod accused him of his want of nationality. “Paint!” exclaimed he,' “the least you say about it the better; I have been so long amongst the American Dutch, that I hardly remember my own nativity—and I’m now an American Dutch Irishman.* I eat potatoes, sour-krout,. and no smalt portion of porkund beens,ihus amalgamating tho national character of eich.V ‘‘But did, you make this sour-kroutl” asked we—laying a trap to find'out where bi^‘true nationality laid. “That X did, ’faith—and I’re got now eoveo,ty fine beads of cabbage hanging by the hind legs in my Cellar.” ■ Ho was genuiho Irish after all,-

DR* O. II. BROCKLEBANK.

very ditenre which-lhcy are employed to cure, Ij it then Jjj- the usc of purgatives, exefariTely formed of vegetable cbropbuBtlr, which, possessing within them-* telrcf.no dcktcriooi agencies, which combinalion, or alteration can devclopo or bring into action; and therefore capable of prodneibg no effect, lave that which, ii tleiired—that a safe reatdvii found. -

Democratic Song. JVrven by J, B. Shfyti Etq.,far ihs JV. Y. Era . Hark! hark! from hill and. vallay The cry of Fueedoji cpmc=: She catc her eons to rally From lugh and humble hoinei! , From sacred field of glory ’ Where gallam heroes felll • ■ Sho breathes the inspiring story ■ Of those wbo'lovcQ her well. Then to your guns,. / Vo true born sons, -■ ‘ And curs’d to they who dare to flee— ‘ Oh! peal on high The battle cry. Columbia ciutvbe free—my boys! Columbia shall be free! _

. *fltoh7jon.—How do you do Mrs. Whmgcry, and how does 31rs. Conservative do! I meant to have come down afore this, and shook hands with you, and seen you o/one a while; but my time, has been bo much the affairs of Cinquez & C., that I could’ai come. JFhiggery—Va so sorry you could’nt come that I’« just ready to fly offl I aint quilo so Well as I'waa in 183-1 and 1837, I’m afraid I've got the quick consumption—<iad Mrs, Conserva-tive,-who has been nursing mo for two years past, is frightened mo most to death,’ to think s)ie has catched the disease of me; she looks aw(ulIyfAta, and has applied toour.old lira.’Harrison, the catnip and roullen doctress, for-help. You know'bHo was dreadfully .opposed to Mrs. •Harrison three dr four years ago, and said every' thing agin her she could* and said she wonl'dal never touch a speck of her medicine if she died for want. Hut site’s changed her mind now, seein I told her if she’d take arbs, I would; pat a plaster of bine Federalism on her eyes what is so inflamed, besides boarding and clothing her for nothing a spell. Well,'-seein sfao was. most gone, she was rightglad to*hear this, and eo now she swallows whole stalks of catnip and mbllen, after all she’s said agin them. Abolition—Wei], if she’s got to tint pitch, ! guess its best to giro her a good deal of medicine. I’ve got some a equal to mullen.and .catnip, and smeUs sweeter than cither of ihero, . ■ '\ „ ‘"v JVhigery—O, she’ll swallow that Without wincing; she knows she can’t, be 'any worte, and so she’ll takc any thing—-no matter bow tlrong it is. . ‘ - *■ ■ ’ ■

/. SUHaBOirJDBKTISl\ HAVING located himscld in Vevay fora lime, respectfully tenders hia services to the citizens of this place, vicinity, and the adjoining towns. And having been for several engaged in his profession, flatters himself that he may not only merit, a reasonable share of public patronage, but give general satisfaction to all who may favtfr him with a call.: He has taken a room at UjerVevay llotel/wbdro bo may at all times be found, 1 unless absent oh; professional business. He will attend to the varione operations of the teeth and Earns; inserting from one to a full set, both on plate and pivot; plugging; separating to remove- caries, scaling or.cleansing, extracting fangs, &c.j and treat the diseases of the gums, such ns scurvy, ulceiations; ab-scesses,-and all tenderness' arising from ad unhealthy or diseased action of either., All operations done on safe and sure principles, and extracting with the least possible pain. He has a superior set of extracting and other instruments; alro materials of the best quality, and flattering 'testimonials as to character and skill in his profession. Ladies watted on at their residence, if desired. Tooth paste, for beautifying' and preserving the teeth, always on* hand, 1 ,. Dec. 7,1839. Hf.

The PILLS Md PHENIX BITTERS bare proved to bo the most happy in tbeireffects in com of' billions diseases, of any purely vegetable preparation ■ ever offered to the public. If the rtomach it foal, - they cleanse it by exciting it to throw off its contents.; if not, (bey pan to thb duodenum without exciting vomiting or nausea, in "ihe stomach; stimulating the neighboring vicera, at the liver and pancrat,yo ni to produce a more copiout'*dow of their secretions Into the-Intestines {‘stimulating the cxhalenl capillaries, terminating in the ioncr coal, which an increased’doir of the useless particles of the body, foreign raaliert, or retained secretion*, ore completely dUchtrged. For sale wholesale and retail by'the proprietor, WILLIAM B. MOFFAT,375Broadway-toN. Y. whom all letters relative to the Medic&cs or orders must be directed.*' • , - **

A -physiciah seeing a friend about to drink a glass of brandy, tad, Don’t drink that filthy stuff—brandy is the worst enemy ; you have.” ”1 knaw that,” replied he, “hat you know wo are commanded by scripture to love our enemies.”.

Upon the highest iqqoniain ‘' Let our proud banner waive, Its shadow on the fountain . Shall fright th’o despot slave’* Far on the helving ocean 'i'he hardy tar shall hail ' ’ Amid tin; wild commotion • A beacon in the gale;’ , Then to yonf.gims, dccV

OZrTbc Good Samaritan, explaining more-folly Mr. Moffat’s theory of diseases, may.be had gratiint the office,375 Broadway. ;. * ' , r

; ;EitbAobdinabt Pet.— There is a" gentleman at Christs church who keeps t pet-oyster, of the largeit and.finest breed; it is fahon oatmeal, for-wbich it regularly opens its shell, and is, occasionally treated* with a .dip in. its native element; hut tbo teore extraordinary trait in this amphibious pet has proved itself an excellent roouser, having already killed 1 five mice, by. crushing’the beads of such as, tempted by the odoriferous meal, had the temerity to intrude llieic. noses ■ within his bivalrnler clutches— Twice bava'two of iheso little marauders suffered together. —Salisbury Journal.' t >

FKVEU AND AGUE POSiTiyjELXCURED.— Fever and Ague i| a most oDstinatediscaic', and ia warm and humid climates, freqacntJ/ rcsisU eTciy ordinary mode of cute, so as to become very distress* in- to the patient;, and bV tho extreme debility which, the disease induces, it often gives rise to other chronic comphinU. Marsh miasmata, 'or the effluvia erising from stagnant waterj‘is tho most Ircqucn) exciting cause ot this disease; and one of its great pecoliariiici is Its susceptibility of a renewed from very 'slight causes, such as from tho prevalence ofan cut- - erly wind—even ivilhout lEe repetition of Ibe onginal exciting qansc, In this, Fever and Ague differs from < most other fevers; os it is .well known, that after gw.. ordinary fever has once occurred, and been removed, the petsoh affected is not * liable tSVficsh attack as ' one who was not so affected. These circumstances reader'll extremely difficult fo.cffect a permanent, core of Fever and Ague, though to relieve the patient for the time being is a tcry easy task . ' . ; * j Mortir’s Lira PjiTls i.nd Pjilmx Bxttebi have . been thoiroughly tested, and proved to be a roitma AND radical etixe of Fever aml Aguc,Hundreds of “ his fellow-omens in the West, have voluntarily come forward, to assure iUr, MOFFAT that the LIFE MEDICINES arc the only medicines that willrsoioccntr effect a removal of this inert tedipus qtid disagreeable disease. ‘ , * Others who have emigrated to that rich'and promttog portion of our country—men who went out full of- - hope, and coulidcht of winning a competence from the luxuriance of the soil; or who carried to the out posU of our sclOcmcnlt the mercantile or occkanical - experience in the crowded cities a»d towns of the older states, have either returned with shattered ‘ constitutions and depressed spirits, or they remain in their new homes, dragging out* a weary Hie;'at last to s^ukyunder some disease to which they arc predisposed by that terror of the WestJ fie FEVER AND AGUE. Their hopes are blasted—their business en- • ergics destroyed—llicir El Dorado becomes a desen, 1 and the word of promise, made to the ear,.is btokea * to the hope. - ’ To-these,Individual*, Mr. .Moffat would say—“Try the LIFE MEDICINES, nod you will yet anticipate your most sanguine expectations, for they-will ccf- ' tainly restore yon (q health.” V : FEVER and AQUE is a complaint which requires to be met at its Erst approach, and combatted at every stage. Seldom fatal to iketf, it reduces the strength, and impairs the funt’ons'of the organs, so that upon t he'manifestation of disease Nature it uunhlr, ena*- . tilled, to resist. tho inroad. Tie Life Medicines, ‘ when taken strictly according to dtfbctfens wi’.I cure, it, and give to the weak and trembling ?ictim o; oti- ' case, new health, life, and strength.

The bonest bold Mechanic* • Who wields tlw sledgo all day, Who spurns the Bankiio’s panic And will-not. tribute pay:' ; Ho honors men of noble souls, . In dealing he is fait: ;;' * | ; . Tho CoNsTiTi’titis heunrols,"; And'finds his Charter-there, . Then to* your guns, «fu. ;

83 00 REWARD! ; : * STRAYED from the farm of William Park, living in Craig township, Switzerland county 1 , Indiana; on or about-the‘Uiof June one red and moly Steer, and one pale yellow colored homed Heifer, each about 18 months old* Any person giving information respecting the pbbvo Wrays,/communicated to William Phrk or to Montgomery Patton at the Vcvay»IIotel,Eo that they may be recovered, will received reward of three dollars. '• Feb. 1, 1640. • 9c .

. .46oh7iod—I'll hare the dose prepared. * ry. —A n d I'll rub her face oven with toft nap, so as-to make her jaws work easy— Harford Times, • ' _ \ * .*

The" following is one of the manycutioUacp itapha which maybe foydd on the ancient tomb' Blonta in the village church yards in England:— ‘, The wedding day jippoinled was, • And wedding clothes prov.Iqcdf ' , But ere that day did come, 1 alas! f HoaictehMjand hediedid. :

Thc/arraer turns hts furrow I With independent pride: & : Ilfs days updimmed by sorrow^. Like his own streamlets' glide; Hts grain dll'bright Abd yellow, - Waves b'er the fertile plain;' ’ He gets—the happy.fellow!— £ ; ■ Gold'Kacles thr his grain;? j Then to your gans, &ci '

*‘5 Is ter js’apce and the Acer**

We were travelling, not, long since, in Illinois, and called at a h&use near" the road side to solir cit a drink of water, when the .following conversation; occurred; '* Well, my‘boy how long have you liked here!' * ' *1 don't know, sir,, but mother says ever since I was horn.* ■ • . . ‘Have you any brothers or sisters!" . - • *Ves,a few.’ - ’ • *116 w many!* •' ‘Ton or'leven ! I reckon." ‘Pretty healthy here, ia’nt it!* ‘Yes; but sometimes we haven little ager.' ‘Any of you got it now!*' * . • ‘Yes,’a few on ua goto* to We the shakes this arternoon.* * . ' \ ‘How many!’ ‘Why all on us, cxcupHister Nance, and she's sick a darn a lion cross critter,, the agef won’t lake on her; and if it did, she is so cussed contrary she wotild’nt shake .no how you could fir her!’— St. Louit Pennant .

JUSTICE’S BLANKS of every description for sale at this office,

Rnicnixs.—For sea; sickness-stay on ihore. . For drqnkcnesb—drink cold water, and repeat the-prescription until yon obtain relief. For board with the printer, * To keep out of jail—kill no; ohdyj rob no bo* dy, aUnder ho body, get in debt to no body, and mind your own,business.. -. - \

Administrator’s Notice*NOTICE is hereby given that the undersigned has taken out letters of administration on the estate of Henry Blain, late of Jefferson township, Switzerland county, Indiana, de\ ceaied.. All persona indebted to said estate are requested to come forward pno make immediate payment; and those having claims against the tame, will file them'in the Clerk’s office, duly authenticated, for adjustment. The estate is supposed to be insolvent. ; J.C. BROWN/ Adm’r, 8c*.

Our fathers sold their-valleys/v Their green high-wooded lulls,*" Their brooks and aheUer’d-efleys,' For Con tiuen tal Bills!'' ; • . -. They now look down from Heaven] 1 ", On us, tljeif hbiris of fame; | And say—“Die imforgiveu, ,* If e’er you do the same!". ' . Then to your guns, - Ye true born sons, . And curs’d be'they who dare to flee—fOh peal on high The .battle cry, ■ Columbia shall be free—my boys.' ''Columbia suall be free!

What. 'is to bk -doijeI— Done! Why go to lajr.oflfyoor gloves, pl&nl and hoe potatoes, weed ihd'garde'n, and spend, leWmoney. The daughters of Ere/too. muflt lay aside their painting and tight lacing. quit shopping, and fake'the btd spinning wheels 'theft-' mother;, used, and make their ownclothing, and the preiuure will coon heorer; ‘ j; ■ .

Jan. 25,1840.

CLEAN cotton and linen Tt AOS nrcatnll timet purchased at this office. j

NEW ESTABLISHMENT.

! Webbt Modest, wxbhtI— Mrs/Hirrison has ■published ft csurd ia tho; newspapers, promiiing ibtt ip elected t6 the Presidency* she will be content to servo buto Unn!, Theniodfsly of the old lady ia cVmmendable,’bat th« people decline; the acceptance of her service* even for ao short a time, .. They consider that even one term of FeUicoat government, would he four years too mucA. ■ .They vrlil therefore scarcely, giro the old lady an opportunity to prove the sincerity of her professions.—J&prfone. ' ' ■ -

THE underpinned respectfully informs the citizens of- Vevay,and the public general)/, that he has established a . Blacksmith Shop . at'the lower end of Market street, where heiSprepared lo do any work in toolinV,in the best manner, and attreduceJ prices., Having engaged agood\vorkraan, be hopes to merit end receive a'share oif public patronage,' . ‘ * BENJAMIN DETRAZ. ! N.B. An apprentice to the'aboVo trade want* ed immediately. ' * . Dec. 7.1939.. ... > - Itf

VARIETY,

A Lady’s GJeeat Toe.—We met day before yesterday a young woman with a hat and ornaments, which might.Have cost from ten to twen-ty-five dollars. Over her shoulders was a rich shawl, trimmed with fur, probably worth, with the little'muffin which her hands were'cased, 40 or 50 dollars." Her frock was of light materials, and although wedid not see Hof. bands, we presume that the taper fingers thereof were loaded with, jewelry of more value than all the duds an editor can afford to put upon bis ■ back. Under all these expensive'-articles, she had such slight shoes, that the ball of her great toe (we know ironj this fact that women have toes) peeped out from a rip in the side of the delicate shoe aforesaid. Not even her hose protected her feet; for the bare flesh of that mirror of foes was manifest. The walking 'was exceedingly wet and napty, and ‘ our Own ungainly pedals were protected with water-proof boots.' Wesbppose the young lady is wondering how she took cold by this time—A", Y. Detpalck . ■ , '

A.Slight Mistake.

How often are our highest hopes and expectations, like the milkmaid's calculations upset when wo think', theiti all but consummated.—r We heard of a case in point a few days since. ' A negro, the holder of a ticket in the grand real estate lottery with one number-on it, came rushing.into a .lottery office in a great state of excitement. Throwing, it down on the counter, ho exclaimed,—* , ' 4 ■ . .‘•—.dir—look o’dat—I got lunar Look dar—ya, ya, whooh.’

Nipulwa wu & ptte'tjiauiec of. blender women, moro cspcciallj 'whendreisedin. while. He could not beat colored, giudydresees, end fre* qttotul/gavc Josephine direction* about faer'lotlet. ■ /• •-

MOFFAT’S, VEGETABLE LIFE PILLS At PIIENIX BlTJ’ilES.—Tot onutuii (armno.'*, in which the celebrated PiJU nml Phcuix. Bitters are be)H, ij satisfactorily demonstrated bytho' increasing 1 demand for them in every Stale and station oflhs Union, and by the voluntary tcsiinicnialito ihcirremarkable efficacy which «re.evcry where ofjered. lltj uol losi from a deeply gratiiying confidence that tbej aro the means of wtenfiro and inestimable good among bis abided fcUotr creaUres, thani from Interested considerations, that the proprietor oflhwc pre-eminently successful medicines is «eriTons of keeping them constantly before the publico re. Tbosijlc dtcycry additional box and bottle is a guarantee that some persons will be rejiered from -a greater or Jess degree of suffering, and be improved in general health; for in no case of suffering from disease can they be taken pi vain. The proprietor has rierer hnpira or been informed of an initancein which they ham failed to do good. In the tnost obstinate cases of chronic disease, such as chronic dyspepsia, torpid Kver, rheumatism, and hilliour head ache, ooslivcness, piles, general jlebility, scrofalotis swellings and ulcers, scurry, salt rheum and all other chronic affections, of; (he organs and membranes, . they effect cares frith a rapidity and permanency which few persons would theoretically believe, but to which thousands hnjrh testified from happy experience. In colds and ctoqghs, which, if begirded, superinduce the most fatal diseases of the lungs, and indeed the viccra in general, these medicine, if taken bat for three or four days, never fail. Taken at night, they promote the-insensible perspiration, and to relieve tbc system of febrile action and fecplenfobslroctiorls, as to produce a most dclighlfal sente of convaleiencein tho morning; and though (he usual symptoms of a cold should partially return during the day, the repetition of. a suitable dose at' the next hour of bed-tuso will almost invariably effect permanent relief, without further aid. Their effect upon fevers of - a more acute and violent kind is not less sure and speedy if taken in .proportionable quantity; and persons retiring to bed with iq£atomatorr symptoms of the most alarming kind, will awake with the gratifying consciousness that the fierce enemy has been overthrown, andean easily beiabdufed. la the tame way, visceral lurgesencej- tbongh long established, ‘ and visceralinflaamtiobs, however critical, will yield—the former to smell and latter (o large doses of the Lirz Piuxjand so oho hysterical affections, hypocondriocism, restlessness, and very many other varieties of ; the neurotica) class of diseases, yield to the efScucv of tho T11EN1X BITTERS. Foil directions for the cue of these medicines, and showing tbcir.distincUvo applicability to different complaints, - accompany themjnnd thqycan be obtained wholesale and retail, dt 37o Broadway, where numerous certificates of; their unparalleled success are always open toiaipeclion. ,

'What is tjia matter Sambo)* said the clerk, ’took heerf” dtini Sambo me no more—I’m a gentleman now—Sambo done gone. See dat, white f raan—look Jar,’ holding up the ticket which some mischievous wag had stuffed him up whs the very ope which bad drawn, the Camp street theatre: ‘dat’a the unfortunate ticket wat’$ did the tma’pesa—ya, ya, ya., Jea lian* oh or dat small theatre, will yal’ , ’•You have oftly one number on this ticket,’ continued the clerk.- . - - • ‘Ony one) den gib'mo a third obit. -Who’s ile oder fort’nate hodersl’ . . •But you have'drawn nothing.* •Noting.* ‘Nothing at all,* - ‘Den its all .wat dey calls a gum game, and I’ll ’splainify de ting/ said the chop fallen negro, whose face looked like a distress memorial on a parson who had lost a year’s salary at allfours when he was told that hie ticket was of ‘no account/ ‘You pulls wool ober do eyes ob de people when you say a dat do person- wat’s got - de Are, second, and third numhoreon him drows de theatre. Now I’s got oncob dem same numbers on mine and you doca’ot gib mo noting*— I I’ll peal to do desultory laws of do country for dat satiscashua wat you don’t gibhea, dat’s wat I will. I'll bring a factfon for—now, look hea, now wont you gib me a block ob houses or something like dat for'distichm)’ * z ■ ‘CaaVrlq anything IpPyou,* said the clerk coolly.

An Irishman fras asked howVhis mother did. “My JcwelV’kiid he, “J am piicfi obliged to you Tor yodr inquiries, -but'-T never hVd’a mother.” “How is lhatjV sai'4 his friend. “ Why, don’t yonknow,” said’Paddy, “that 1 am ibo son of-my aunt!” * "' " •’ •’ ' '

Blank deeds and mortgages-formic dt Ibis office. . ‘ . . -x, DRUGSt DRUGS! / TIII$ subscriber having 'pyrchased'lha Drug Store of Co., has removed it (o the* boose formerly occupied by-W. Browning, next door to Clarkeon . Dufour’s Store, and hopes by a strict attention to. bust nee to morlt a share of public palronaee.; •. NfB, Advice givcngratuitoosly, v ; ‘ DR. S. CLAJUJSON j. % *> Would inform the; citizens ofVevay and its vicinUy that be has resumed the prabtice of 5Io : dicine/&c., and ban al all Vimcs befCund. at bis Drug Store, except when absent on professional bilsiness.' r . ■ . ■ ■ ' ' f . Vevay, 9ept v 2R, 1839. ; ' 47tf

Art Impossibility.— Dip'the Mississippi dry with a teaspoon; stop the Second Municipality from going your heal into the top of your boot; make- postmasters- perform their promises; send up fisbingdiooks with balloons and bob for stars; get astride of a gossamer and chase or comet; when's rain storm isycomtog down like the cataract of Niagara, * remember where you left your umbrella; choke a musqmto with a brick bat. In short, prove all things hitherto considered impossible to bo possible, but never attempt to coax, a woman to say she will when she has once made up her mind to say she jvont.— Picayune* ]

Mother,’ inquired & rdstic urchin/'ainl the houses all numbered in great big cities!' ‘Yes, soaney,* • ’ * Wei),' our old bibio says, the hairs'on our heads are all numb ered, Grahdpa haint got on* ly five or six; and I poked them over when be was pad couldn't nod a single "‘huinber da’ cm.* . •• = • ’ ' >■

Cotb ConioaT.— ‘Mother mayn’t I wotr my new clothes io-day.” said an urchin who was just supplied with hie winter suit.- ‘ •

The . cause ofv-Bilious igqmplaints AND A .MODE OFCURE.-iA.welI regulated and proportionate quanUty'of bile bn the stomach is always requisite Cot the promotion of sound heilth—it Stimulates digestion^and keeps, the intestinal cabal i free from all bbslructidoi. On the infcciorsutAce bf the liver- ii a pcculiud bladder, in‘which the bile is first preserved, being Termed by the liver from the blood.. Thence it passes into tbe stomach and intestines, nod regulates tbe indigestion. Thus ire see when there is a deficiency of bile, the body is con* itanfly costsvc. Oo the other baud, an overabundance’ of bile, causes frequent nausea' in (tie stomach; and often promotes very revere attacks of disease, which sometime* end in death. ; ■ Fevers pte always preceded by symptoms of a disordered stomach; as arealso scrofulous disorders, find all sympathetic functional, organic or febrile diseases. From the same came, the natural and healthy action of (ho heart, aid the whole vascular system it impaired and reduced below its natural standard; as exhibited in' palpitation*,’ languid pulse, torpors of the limbs, tyncopq, and even death itself, in consequence of an overabundance of a peculiar offensive substance to the digestive organs. . The approach of bilious dieisc* if at all times attended by decided symptoms of an existing diseased stale of the stomach and bowels ;i.c, with those .signs which are known to point out their contents to he of a morbid irritating nature; bat whenever the alimentary canal happens to be loaded with .irritating matter, somodcrangement of the healthy operation, either of the gihcral system, or of somk particular organ of (hebody is result; and when this state happens to be united with any. other symptoms of disease, its effects are always thereby much aggravated. The progress of organic obstruction is often so rapid as scarcely to admit of time for tbe application of such aid as is to be offered by art, yet, id general, the premonitory symptoms of gastric load are jcrceptiblo fora day or two previous-to the naroxisms, a period, when the most efficacious assistance may bo givenj by unloading the stomach and alimentary canal of the susceptibility of disease. ‘ * -* . m6FFAT»3 : LIFB MEDICINES, ibrmld always be taken in the early stage*of bilious complaints; and if persevered in strictly according to the directions, will positively effect a cure. * .The mineral medicines often presented in these diseases, although they may effect a temporary pure, at tba Unie time create an unhealthy stale of the blood,! and consequently tend -to promote a retuVn ef the|

Oh no, my dear, tho the* weather is too warm entirely;’ )■ • ■■■ / ,No but'mother I'll keep on the tha/ly fide Ol the street/ ■

Fon a hump dack!— A French preacher was once descanting from the pulpit with great eloquence on* the beauties of creation. "Whatercr, n said he, "comes from the bands of nature, is complete—she forms every, thing perfect.”— One .of his congregation very much deformed and having a very large bump, went up to him at the close of his discourse, and asked—"What think you of me, holy father, am IperftelV*: To which the preacher replied very coolly. "Yes, for a humpbacked man, quite ppfecfP

Printers havo the advantage of other meeban* ics, and the' very good reason' is, that they «1 and stand, both aUhe same time.

’ In (he back-woods of ibo'West, a saucepan is worth a dozen pianos and a whole .legion of guitars.

‘Den I’m udonogono busted nigga, thua, and dese lotteries is all nonsense. - You’s got all my.money and t has’nt got no show for. You may catch dis child in another fix like Uis, but if you does I’m— The ftegre now look up bis ticket and,marvelled,—Picayune.

A father exerting bis eon to early rising, re? lated a story of a person who early one morning found a largo purse of money.—‘yVell, replied the youth, .bill the pereoji%ho lost it rose earlier.

Food' Vou. RnFincnoiT.— A clergyman in an inland county lately concluded his 'stfrmon with the, following words:—“Brethren, next Friday is my tithe day, and those who bring tbcif tithes, which are duo to me, shall bo' rewarded with a good dinner; but thosa who do. not may depend that on Saturday they will dine on a lawyers letter.” .

Turning the Tables.

Toe Fabmeb.—\yith no inheritance but health, with no riches but industry ,»and with no ambition but virtue, is the sole king among men, and tbc only man among kings.

In ane of our exchange papers, it is said that an excellent woman, the mother of five children who had been ptade a widow by the deni and the giag-sdcalof combined, bad a bill similar to the following sent to her a few'weeks after her husband's demise;

PbEBExu pLtuBAifraT.—A Frendh Abbe, who who was extremely corpulent, coming late one evening taa fomfied town, asked a countryman whom he mol, *Jf ha could get in at the gate!* ‘I should tltidk you might, said the peasant, looking at; him jocosely, ‘fori saw a wagon of hay go in this morning.’

■'Value o? ornrnso—A young lady in Baltimors lately fell from the top to the bottom of a fligbf 'of stairs. The fall would probably hare been fatal, bad abo not fortunately fallen upon her Bustle which eared her life.

_ ' M $Ir. —■ — rloJ. r- , Dr, For refreshments at different times, $8 HI.” As an offset to the above bill, the lady presented tbo following clincher: . f-To eight-,weeks.confinement to my bed id consequence of an injury 1 received from my unfortunate husband, while uu- , dertho influence of your liquor. ‘ 418 To sundry brcakinga.by him, while id the - Vreame state, * . . , .' . ' *■ * go 'fo maintenance of mo and my family for ■ seven successive months, N, B—If you think this is hat aanfficiedt offset, there are certain expenses for the burial of my triurdcred husband; and if tbit fad*, u k yoateoDBcieace, if you have any,-if you are not ynilty of mardarWZoui, -Gar,

_f rench, German and Spanish directions can be obtained on application at thccffice, 375 Broadway. ' All post paid lei ten will reedre immediate attention. ’ Sold wholesale and retail by W.M. B. MOFFAT, 375 Broadway, N. Y. A liberal deduction made to those twbo purchase to sell again, dgmU —The Life Medicines may alio be bad of the principal Druggists In every town throughout the United States and’Canadas. Ask for Moffst’e Life Fills and Fhcnix Bitten; and be tore that a fan simile of John Moffat 1 * signature is upon the label of each boUlsjof Bilim, or box of RD*. For full particulars 0/ the mode of treatment, the reader is referred to the Good Samaritan, a copy of which accompanies the medicine. A copy may be obtained of the different agents who hare the medicine for sale. For sale at (be store of CLARKSON & DUFOOS, .Vetey, Tt. ■ Joly 3,1839. , • tfl/

Love.—A gentleman a few days agq, in walk* ing.up ;streot discorered, written in chalk, on tome big door, the following accurately transcribed Jibes: . . ‘ ‘ . When i Come a Gain ' ' if you «r Not cro 0 i Nerer Will Come a Gain ' 60 i bid you fare Weil,' MyfPear. ■* ’’

We find the following m one of our exchange papers; It is good philosophy. ’ ‘ . “I heard the hammer of a mechanic, that owda me, at 4 bclock this morning; I’ll trust him till April. • ' 1 1 saw another,'yesterday afternoon, who has plenty of work on band, lounging tube door of a grog shop; 111 have him- before the squire next week.”

A street whistler begged a passer-by for chirir ty, in s beary shower of rain,“Why; hahg it, pay good.feilow,” said the latter, "can't you.be content Hav’nt yon bid enough already to'tori your wAiifk' whbV*’ ' * * ■

Cars it.— A wise prpviiion'by' which constables get a liyming. ..