The Syracuse Journal, Volume 29, Number 2, Syracuse, Kosciusko County, 7 May 1936 — Page 9

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SYRACUSE JOURNAL

Stationary There was a dense summer fog and the officer on the bridge was becoming more and more exasperated. As be leaned over the side of the bridge trying to pierce the gloom be saw a haay fignre leaning on a rail a few yards from bls ship. He almost choked. -What do you think you’re doing with your blinking shipr he roared. “Don't you know the rules of the seaT* “This ain’t no blinking ship, guv’nor,” said a quiet voice; “this ’ere** a lighthouse.-—Answers. Gets Most Hiamo Little Sarah and her little brother quarreled «>ne day. An older sister trying to find ■ which child was at fault finally said: -Oh, I think it was just six of one ■nd haif-doxen of the other." Uttfe Sarah began to cry. *T know you mean I'm the half-dozen,” she sobbed. “I always get the most blame” —lndianapolis News.

FABLES IN SLANG Be H Syndlcste By GEORGE ADE WNUSarrtee | ". ~ ' W'JBXoW j It Struck Him That Being a Preacher Was the Duck Soup.

ACROBATIC HOROSCOPE ONCE there was a Boy named Jefferson who lay on his Back in an Orchard one whole Alternoon mapping out his Future. He was Five Years Old at the time and still carried his Milk Teeth and a tew Pin-Feathers but already he had begun brooding over bls Career. After a Survey of all Business Occupations and Professions It struck him that being a Methodist Preacher was the Duck Soup. He had been watching one of them and It seemed to him that this Bird had everything organised and was riding high, wide and purty. Nothing to do all Week except wear a Dark Suit tn conjunction with a pseudo-Panama and beam like a Head Light whenever addressed. Jefferson had It on good Authority that the Parson didn’t have to pay any House Rent. No matter where he went, the Folks who saw Mm coming began to kill Yellow-Legs and lay the Foundations of an old-fashioned Strawberry Short-Cake. At every Wedding he could go as far as he liked on the Ice Cream. Neighbors often sent in the first Lilac Cuttings and usually he had Corn on the Cob about a week ahead of the Stores. Easy Picking was the only Name for it The Job seemed to have no Drawbacks. On Sunday Morning the Preacher was Boss of the whole Show. He picked out the Songs and no matter what he said, no one dared to give him any Slack. It seemed to little Jefferson that a Feller who had a chance to be a Minister and then got hooked with some other kind of a Job was a little shot in the Upper Story, to quote the picturesque Idiom of some three Decades ago. THE WEBSTER STUFF By the time that Jeflie was 10, and sat on a baggage Truck at the station every Day to watch the Choo-Choos wham by he bad forgotten all about his Determination La free-hmch his way through Life as a Parson. Jefferson knew all the Trains by Number and was saving up to buy a heaVy Silrer Watch. We discover him at the Age of 15 eating Throat Lozenges and making hurried Preparations to be a great Political Orator. Jefferson had tried out his new Baritone on Norval, whose Father fed the Flocks, on the Turk who lay In the Guarded Tent at Midnight, and on Spartacus. who formed the first Equity Association among the Actors doing stunts in the Arena at Rome He was one of the main Elocuters in Lincoln High and bjs Stuff bad been going over big. Consequently, when he came under the Spell of a Visiting Wind-Jammer Who Spoke for nearly two Hours In Court Square House he was carried completely off his Feet and resolved that he would be a Public Speaker or bust his Vocal Cords In the Attempt The great Word-Painter who had so impreese<] our Young Friend belonged to the Old School of Platform Performers who loved Metaphors and hated Hair-Cuts. The Type is still hanging on In the Chautauqua* but the radio has biro on the Ropes. Along about 1905 he was a Darb. The one admired by Jefferson wore a doublebreasted P. A. and was trying to be a Carbon; Copy of Daniel Webster and was getting away with all of the standardized Tricks. He knew how to wave the Flag and Cry and pluck the Stars out of the Firmament, so every time he hit a Yap Town the. Farmers would drive in from miles around In order to have their feelings massaged and get all bet up. try-out years Let us now check up on Jefferson at the ripe Age of 20. He is a Junior at a College which Is trying to dispense Knowledge and collect Endowments. Through his membership in a Frat and because of his natty Appearance be has been given the principal male Pan In a Performance by the Dramatic Cub ORIGINATED FLETCHERISM FAD Horace Fletcher, author, food expert and lecturer, was born at Lawrence. Mass.. In IS4H. He was educated at Dartmouth, traveled widely and engaged In numerous occupations. In lt®s he began to deyote his attention to sociology and especially to research in human nutrition. His views concerning the mastication of food gave rise to the cult of Fletchertem which had a considerable vogue at one time. He died in 1919.

and he has learned that he is saturated with Histrionic Ability. Therefore he has made up his Mind to be a celebrated Actor. The Fact that the Local Sheet did not go into any of the harrowing details merely proves that more News is suppressed than ever gets into Print Jefferson decided to go ahead and take his Degree rather than disappoint his Parents but he was just aching for a Chance to Join a regular Company and Have his Photo In a Frame tn front of the Grand Opera House. Between the Period of his College Triumphs and his 25th Birthday he had quite a few Experiences. Statistics prove that almost anything may happen~to a Graduate Just after he Is deprived of the Checks from Dad and find himself trying to get a Grape-Vine on the World. He suddenly ascertains that the Task is a good deal like trying to upset a Brick House without the help of a Lever. It is during the cruel tryout Years that the one who has prepared himself to be a Landscape Gardener suddenly decides that he can do better by playing the Plano In a good Movie House and the Incipient" lawyer goes out in a Ford taking Orders for a Nursery. Jefferson got shut of Actoritis without suffering a single Cramp. It seemed to work out through the Pores. In fact, he told his Relations on Commencement Day that he had almost decided to take up Social Service and be a Settlement Worker and go about shaking Hands with Ix>wly Rough-Necks whether they wished to be annoyed or not. When he made this noble Resolution he was still under the Influence of the Baccalaureate Sermon which, very often, will help to guide Young Men and Women through Life for least a Week after they have heard it. THE DEMON REALTOR Jefferson copped his z Sheep-Skin in June and along in July Ms Male Parent asked him if he was going to play Tennis indefinitely and he said No he had been looking around for the Agency of some good Car, so along in September we find him soliciting Life Insurance, only to learn that all persons still living were fully covered. So about ail he did for the remainder of the year was to play Santa Claus at a Yuletide Festival put on by the Church. Early next Spring, in order to relieve the Tedium of Life in a Small Town and to prove that two may live as cheaply as one if they stay In Bed and don’t eat, he up and got Married. When he announced his Intentions, the Parental Blessing could have been heard a Block away. Now we find him at twenty-five in a Boom Town helping to lay out a Residential District costing S4O an acre and about to be sold for SIOO a Front Foot He has a Bungalow, a Baby Carriage and a set of Golf Clubs and is active in the Chamber of Commerce, having been selected to give out the Identification Badges at the regular Luncheons. £•• It seemed that Jefferson at the age of thirty had struck his Strike, rung the Bell, and brought home the Side-Meat He was worth a World of Money If all of his Property was worth what he was holding it at Every day be sat around with other busy Cigar-Smokers, talking about building a Million Dollar Hotel, than which there is nothing more easy to talk about Now we come up to the Present and we find Jefferson back In the Home Town running the General Store founded by his Father In 1877 and also having general Supervision of the two Farms. He is just where he was destined to be from the Beginning. He still has some Holdings In the Town which started out to be another Chicago and then stubbed the Toe. They are Corner Lots and will be all right some Day, If not sold for Taxes. MORAL: All Roads lead to the Lunch-Wagon. THE DIVINING-ROD When the divining racket was at its height in the Middle ages, says Collier’s Weekly, the dowsers not only claimed that they could locate underground water, minerals and treasure, but also stolen property, missing persons, dead bodies and criminals. Furtbermore. they not only used twigs and v metal rods bnt also knives and forks, scissors, candle snuffers and other articles and even the sausage known as knackwurst