The Syracuse Journal, Volume 6, Number 2, Syracuse, Kosciusko County, 8 May 1913 — Page 7

wQnSOgy I mil * Jll<m Cz ■g® » Z i ~ yjfiyiy ANOTHER WORRY FOR MARIA Farmer’s Wife Objected to Cuckoo Clock Because She Had All the Birds She Could Feed. \ That there is a limit to the cares and responsibilities of the housewife was demonstrated by a little story told in an after-dinner speech by Governor Fletcher of Vermont. “A middle-aged couple from one of the back counties visited Montpelier one day,” said the governor, “and while rambling down the main street looking at the sights their attention was attracted by a cuckoo clock in the show window of a jewelry store. “The clock was striking at the time, and as the cuckoo came out and chirped the hour the rural couple looked on with mingled admiration and wonder. “•Well, I declare!” exclaimed the farmer’s wife as the cuckoo concluded his announcement and retired within the clock, ‘never in all my life did I see anything like that!” - “ ‘Ner me. neether,. Maria,’ responded Hezekiah, still retaining his look ■of astonishment, ‘an sence we need a new clock at home, what do ye say if we buy thet one?’ “ ‘We won’t do anything of the kind. Hezekiah!” was the emphatic declaration of Maria. ‘Don’t ye s’pose I’ve gdt enough chickens, an’ ducks, an’ geese, an’ turkeys, an’ other things to look after now without feedin ’a pesky bird ?’ ” —Philadelphia Telegraph. Voices of the Night. “Go to sleep again. Maria. That wasn’t a gun—nothing but an, auto tire busted!” “John, did you remember to order that ton of coal today? I knew you’d forgotten it! And there isn’t more than a bucketful left in the—l won’t hush!” “If the next car that comes along doesn’t stop, by George, I’ll smash a window.” “Duckie, how about going skating tomorrow even — Say, you, there. Buttinski, get off the line!” “Gosh: It’s a motorcycle! I was dreaming there was an earthquake 1 and the house Was falling down!” “It’s too bad, Henry, but you’ll have i to walk a while with the baby again.” “Me-a-ow! Me-a-ow!’ Spft!.Spft!” Marrying Parson’s Record. Forty pairs for December was the record made by the Rev. Alfred H. Burroughs, “parson” of the Bristol Gretna Green. Referring to this the face of the eighty-year-old minister lit up with a smile when he remarked: “But the record was not satisfactory to Cupid, I am sure, for he brought me seven young pairs on New’ Year’s Day. These young pairs all came from Virginia and West Virginia.” Dr. Burroughs has married about 4500 pairs, and although an old man he expects by cherishing a happy disposition to be able to make his record 5000 before yielding to Father Time. — Nashville Banner. A LOOK BEYOND. He—So you’ll be mine! I never dreamed there was such happiness in etore for me. She—Oh, there’s no happiness in etore for you, I assure you! Fine Distinctions. “Why don’t the daughters of these millionaires speak to each other?” “Because they are In different classes.” “What do you mean?” ‘One’s father made his money in refined sugar and the other only in crude oil.” What Aldrich Missed. "Do you think that we should have a. more elastic currency?” asked the Old Fogy. “It is elastic enough,” replied the Grouch. “Why don’f they make It more adhesive?” Compensations. “Isn’t it' horrible, this scientific proposition to kil* idiots in their infancy?” “All wrong, of course, but then tliere would be none left to rock boats.” Element of Uncertainty. “What is your idea of the tariff?" “Wdl,” replied Senator Sorghum, the tariff is a good thing to get •votes with before one election. But It’s mighty liable to make you lose «*ni before the next.”

FOND WIFE WAS PRACTICAL Husband Discovers His Young Bride Has Arranged With Her Mother as to His Allowance. “My dear,” murmured the young man. after the usual half-hcur of whispering and cuddling, “we must now talk about practical things. It serins a profanation, I know, but it will be well to get some of these things arranged.” “Yes, darling,” she answered fondly, “I am going to be a practical wife, and I have already thought of ways and means. I have even talked them over with mamma. What do you want to discuss first?” “Well, there’s the subject of a certain alowance every week for spending money.” ‘l’ve thought of that.” “Oh—er —you have?” “Yes —now you mustn’t think me mercenary. But I’ve talked it over with mamma, and she agrees that a certain allowance is right and proper. Now, your salary is $3,000 a year, isn’t It?” “Yes, and I want it to go as far as possible toward your happiness.” “I know it, precious boy. So I’ve decided that about $5 a week will be about right.” “Why, little girl, that, won’t be enough! You’ll have to have —” “Yes, mamma and I think it will be a plenty, you extravagant thing You’ll have your breakfasts and dinners at home, and you don’t drink, and you’ve told me that you only eat light lunches. So $5 a week ought to pay your car fare and give you quite a lot to spend just as you like.” —Cleveland Plain Dealer. MONEY WASTED. 1 H '-i Harold (yawning)—Y-a-a-s, weally, it cost me ten thousand a year just to live, doncher know. Evelyn—How foolish of you to pay ! it! It isn’t worth it! Those Gift Cigars. Hemmenhaw handed his best friend a cigar. ‘Have a smoke.” he said. “Sure,” said the friend. “There, I’m glad that’s off my mind!” “Off your mind?" “Yes; that cigar is the last of a box my wife gave me for Christmas, and I will tell you in confidence I have been handing them out all day. You got the last. Ha. ha!” “Well, the laugh is on you.” “On me?” “Yes; I went with your wife to pick out those cigars, and they were the very best I could find in town.” Rapid Descent. At the exhibition of post-impres-sionist paintings in New York, two Boston men were standing in front of the much-talked-of canvas alleged to represent a figure descending the stairs. “This is the worst yet,” cried one. “Look at it.! It is simply a tangled mass of streaks and splotches.” “I think,” said the other after gazing at it a moment, “that the fault lies in the title, which is not sufficiently explanatory. It should tell us that it is a figure descending the stairs after the careless scrub woman had left a cake of soap on the top step.” Drifted Apart. “Yes; the engagement is off.” “What came between your two loving hearts?” “I hardly know. I told her I was unworthy of her. and she agreed with me so heartily on that point that our courtship kind of languished after that.” Proving It. « "Foreigners are always misplacing prepositions in their speech.” “Sure. The one who married my daughter told a friend they were coming back from their travels to live WITH the old man, when he meant ON the old man.” His Character. Lady—So your husband is in jail ag*in? Poor Woman —Yes’m. Lady —He does not seem to be a man of stable character.' Poor Woman —Well, I don’t know as to that, mum. He’s a hostler. A Woman’s Question. Paying Teller —I cannot cash this check, madam. She —Why not? Paying Teller —There isn’t enough money here to meet .It. She —Then can’t you meet it halfway? „ Necessary. *« “Why must you have a steamer trunk? You ain’t likely to cross the ocean any time soon.” “Maybe not. But I found a label from a French hotel, and I gotta have a trunk to paste it on.” Charming.* “How does Mary look in her new Balkan suit?” asked Marrionne. “If she only had a beard she’d be the perfect image of the magazine pictures of ‘Tolstoi in peasant garb,’" answered Myldredde. Some Weight. “Cholly complained of having something on his mind.” “I know what it Is. I saw him strike his head against a lot of cobr webs in the owner.”

IRON HMM EGYPT Lord Kitchener’s Sway in Nile Country Is Masterful. Speaking of Education of Youths. “We Don’t Want Them to Get Their Hands Soft,” He Says—Holds Some Unique Views. Cairo. Egypt.—No explanation of the government of Egypt is adequate without the presentation of the name of Lord Kitchener, who since his appointment as British agent in October of 1911 has been increasingly the unique and dynamic force behind all the government agencies, alike the protector of imperial English interests and the humanitarian regenerator of the land he loves, writes Clayton Sedgwick Cooper in a letter from Cairo to (the Christian Science Monitor. He .came to Egypt to assist in the completion of the splendid work of regeneration commenced by Lord Cromer. He himself had before contributed to the problem as the soldier leader in Khartum, the conqueror of the Khalifa, sweeping out of the Sudan the fanatical dervishes, nor did he arrive one moment too soon to arrest the tide that was surely carrying Egypt backward from the high and superb statesmanship of Lord Cromer’s regime. The presence of an iron hand was needed and not a few of Egypt’s leaders were unconsciously turning in their minds toward Kitchener. As the conversation of a certain Egyptian officer who commanded a brigade at Omdurman infers: “Lord Kitchener is a soldier. He is a man of iron. He made a clean sweep of the Sudan. He is just, but he is not to be trifled with. There is not a nationalist in Egypt who would not bury himself in the sand if Lord Kitchener came to Cairo. He is the man for the job.” After an interview, with Lord Kitchener in Cairo I realized that h£ was r Kitchener of Khartoum. “the man for the job.” I also realized why the people of the Nile country, when asked why the nationalists were quiet, why the schools of agriculture and commerce were thriving, why thousands of acres of rich Egyptian land were being reclaimed by new systems of irrigation and drainage, why the European timeserver is unceremoniously disappearing, why the journals of the agitators have been going out of business at the rate of one each day, why thousands of fellaheen were beginning to have a growing confidence in the government as evidenced by their trust in the postal savings bank, or why Turkey did not send its soldiers across Egypt in its war with Tripoli—yes, and why even Downing street seemed affected with a new confidence —always gave the same answer—Lord Kitchener. It is said that without bayonets behind or before, moral force cannot exist. Egypt sees in the soldier who drove out the mad Mahdi hosts the spirit of command, which seems to be the only attitude deeply respected by

WED AT COFFIN OF MOTHER I

Chlcagp Couple Carry Out Woman’s Last Dying Wish—Funeral a Wedding Trip. Chicago.—The most urgent request of the late Mrs. Peter Peterson, 1422 East Seventieth street, to her son. Christ Peterson, during her final years was that he get married before her death. “If not before I die, then at least before I am buried," she told him. The son was in no hurry, and not thinking there was any likelihood of his mother dying soon, he kept putting it off. Perhaps one factor in the postponement was the hesitating attitude of the girl of his choice, Miss Hannah Jensen, 6838 Adams avenue. But on last Saturday Mrs. Peterson while visiting a neighbor was stricken with apoplexy. Young Peterson remembered the last wish his mother had expressed. He telephoned Miss Jensen and obtained her consent, then telephoned the license clerk and discovered it was too late to get a marriage license. The Rev. William Steinmeyer, pastor of the Zion Lutheran church, was asked to officiate. On Tuesday the minister was telephoned again and asked to appear a few minutes before the time set for the funeral service. He was escorted

SWISS LAW AIDS MOTHERS Insurance Against Illness and Maternity—Only Seven Per Cent, of Women Have Sufciscribed. Geneva. —The insurance of Swiss women against illness and in view of maternity, as provided by the new federal law —which measure is known in this country as the “pearl of the new code”—has received general approval but so far only 7 per cent, of the Swiss women have taken advantage of the

SUFFRAGETTES STORM THE CAPITOL w I rBBn WHS' S 3 ■BMr /3888 88M18 HH WhS 3HB II w INIi il Or* .’.f Scene at the front steps of the capitol in Washington showing the women who are working for equal suffrage marching into the halls of congress to present petitions to the lawmakers for equal suffrage.

Orientals, especially in certain stages of their development. As Lord Kitchener sat and talked and questioned in the British residency with its beautiful tropical gardens sloping down to the Nile; as he spoke in short, crisp phrases his gospel, the new plans for the fellaheen, telling us of his ideals for the practical rather than the theoretical education of Egyptian youth—“We don’t want them to get their hands soft” —I was inclined to agree with the Egyptian opinion. It is to be hoped that this efficient official who commands an army to whom the name “Kitchener” is an incentive similar to that of the name “Napoleon” to the old guard, and who in a comparatively brief time has gained the confidence of the Egyptians who have most at heart the country’s good, will receive the unstinted support of the home government in the progressive and highly utilitarian measures which he is now promulgating for the new Egypt.

CRUSADE ON NOISE

Woman’s War on Nuisance Becomes World Wide. Battle Begun in New York City Eight Years Ago to Suppress All Needless Clamor —Zone of Quiet 'Extended. New York.—That movement to suppress unnecessary noise which Mrs. Isaac L. Rice began in this town eight years ago has now extended to foreign countries, and the suppression of unnecessary noise has been added to the reforms of international scope, says the Evening Post. Three years ago Prof. Theodore Lessing of Hanover, through the efforts of Mrs. Isaac L. Rice, the founder of the Society for the Suppression of Unnecessary Noise has been added to the band, the first organization of its kind in Germany. Today there are 39 local societies scattered throughout that country, and Professor Lessing, who is in constant communication with Mrs. Rice, reports the movement is steadily growing. In England practically nothing had been done until Mrs. Rice had successfully launched her campaign in this city. - There is, however, at this time the Betterment of London association, working along these same lines, with the hope that its efforts will eventually be emulated throughout England.

g, into the room where the casket lay. At the head of the coffin In deep mourning stood young Peterson and Miss Jensen hand in hand. Some ohe whispered the circumstances to the shocked clergyman, and after he had regained his composure he marched forward, forgot the funeral service temporarily, and united the couple in marriage. Mr. and Mrs. Peterson took their places with the other mourners and the funeral proceeded. They went to the cemetery, watched the burial, and returned to the house. That was their only wedding trip. Peterson said philosophically. HAS BALE OF WIGS TO SELL U. S. Seized Them When Attempt to Smuggle Was Discovered in Hoboken. Jersey City, N. J. —Going! Going! Who wants a wig? The United States government advertises for sale a whole bale of them, of all kinds and colors of hair. The sale will be at auction in the Jersey City post office. The wigs were seized recently by customs officials in Hoboken when an attempt to smuggle them into this country was discovered.

law, which came into force two months ago. Several women’s societies are therefore arranging and giving conferences to make the law known, especially among the women of the working classes. For a minimum yearly subscription there is provided medical assistance, necessary repose, and a daily allowance to women who are expectant mothers or are ill. It is believed that with an active propaganda the majority of Swiss women will, i within a year, enjoy the benefits of the new code in this particular.

MIRROR AS A LION PACIFIER Cleveland Officials Take Odd Action Following Death of Female Animal at “Zoo.” Cleveland, O. —To console Columbus, the big lion in the Brookside zoo, for the loss of his mate, park officials will place a mirror in the side of his cage so that he will gaze at the reflection of his neighbor, the leopard, and believe a new companion has been sent to cheer him. The deception will be practiced on Columbus to prevent him dying from grief over the loss of his mate. Live Leeches in Parcel Post. Middletown, Conn.—The postofficq is holding a parcel post package containing a dozen live leeches for lack of sufficient address. The. package, which was deposited on Saturday, iq correctly stamped, but bears only the address “N. Y."

Through the association in New York all unnecessary noise has beeu regulated in hospital zones, and night, with “its great gift of sleep,” is no longer a menace to the patient. School zones, too, though they do not rejoice in primeval quiet, are no longer beset by the noisy pests which once destroy-i ed the nerves of teachers and made real work for the children difficult. Mrs. Rice feels, however, that the greatest work of the association has been done in promoting and popularize ing the sane Fourth throughout the country. There is still a great chance to extend this branch of the work, and an effort is being made to convince the school children, not only of the danger of the firecracker, but of the pleasures to be derived from the new method of celebrating. Statistics show that in 1908 there were 5,623 casualties resulting from the efforts of Young America to cele, brate the national holiday. In 1912 this number had been re. Dr. N. H. Maxwell. duced to 988, but from these figures one can easily see that there is still much to be accomplished. Mrs. Rice has had the co-operation of the mayors of many cities, who have put themselves on record as opposed to anything but the same celebration. Since the crusade against unnecessary noise was started in 1905 there has been an Improvement of 85 per cent, in tugboat whistling on the river. It was then a personal matter, but as the Hudson is a federal waterway, William S. Bennet, member of congress from New York, succeeded in having a bill passed on February 2, 1907, which regulated this unnecessary disturbance. Last year, through the rul* ing of the board of health, the noise of motor boats was also regulated. Associated with Mrs. Rice as an advisory board are William Dean Howells, Nicholas Murray Butler. Cardinal Farley, Dr. W. H, Maxwell and others, while the board of directors is made up of various superintendents of hospitals.

Pastor Urges Sunday Beer. Boston. —Giving his hearty support to the proposal of the board of license commissioners that a limited number of license be granted for the sale of light wines and buers in cases on Sundays, the Rev. Herbert S. Johnson, pastor of a Biptlst church, administers a stinging rebuke to those who are opposing the commissioners’ suggestion. The plan proposed, he says, is in ths direction of moral reform, while opposition to its is nothing but pure hy pocriajr.

Lass on Rollers. Little George, aged five, had never Been roller-skates or anyone skating an them. His favorite toys were bls engines and trains of cars. At the window one day he chanced to see small Nancy of seven, his special playmate, skating on the asphalt street with steel rollers. Rushing to his mother in great excitement he exclaimed: “Mudder, look! there goes Nancy on a train of cars!” Consoling. Rev. Dr. Joseph Krauskopf says that failures lead to success. Well, there is some consolation in knowing one fs on the right road.—Washington Post. Petted Darling. *' “My wife treats me like a dog.” “Humph! I wish my wife would treat me like hers!” Girls may not be much good at playing baseball, but they can play the players. Delicious brown cakes made from Mrs. Austin’s Bag Pancake Flour. AU grocers. Adv. Fortunately, one’s ambitions are not limited to the attainable.

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