The Syracuse Journal, Volume 5, Number 34, Syracuse, Kosciusko County, 19 December 1912 — Page 3

Oral I , WIWI / ■aUh A pt? WHY SOME MEN LEAVE HOME Wife Could Not Clearly Understand Husband’s Explanation of Ossified Man’s Hard Life. "Circus men must leave a hard life!” “Indeed they do. Especially the ossified man.” “The ossified man?" “Yes, the ossified man, see? A hard life. Hard—ha! ha! ha!” “You don’t mean that really, do you?" “Os course, dear. Don’t you see, a hard life! H-A-R-D hard, life. I think that’s a pretty smooth one. Ha! ha! ha—er, don’t you get it?” “But I don’t understand. The ossified man certainty doesn't have any work to do—” “Os course not, but you see—” “Then if he doesn’t have any duties to attend to, how can he lead a hard lifer “He doesn’t! He doesn’t! He doesn’t! It's the married man that leads it Well, I’ve got to be getting to town.” His Tip. Billy—Then your engagement with Maud is off, old fellow, eh? Tom—Yes; I’m rather afraid Maud will be contrary in matrimonial harness. She will not care for team •ork. Billy—No? How did you reach that conclusion ? Tom —Well, I asked her, supposing we were married, if she would vote ns I did. Billy—And what did she reply? Tom—She said: "No, I should vote the other way.”—Judge. Do You See? “Why is Mrs. Wombat wearing meh dowdy clothes lately? She ipends half her husband’s income on Iress. But why is she wearing such bum clothes just now?” "Her husband's mother is visiting aer just now. See?” The other woman saw, WHAT DID HE MEAN? Miss Gusher —Oh! how I wish 1. ;ould paint a pretty face! De Auber (the artist) — You wouldn’t if you possessed one! The Gift Horse Idea. Wiseman —1 see a dentist says a nan intending matrimony should look •arefuly at the teeth of the young woman selected. I Cynlcus —No doubt a scientific conclusion. But it will not appeal to the foreigner of title in search of Amer\can i^oney. —Judge. Bathing Sults, Mayhap. Hub (looking up from newspaper) —My dear, have you seen any of (hose invisible suits yet? Wise —Invisible suits! What are rou talking about? Hub —Why. here’s a New York lalies’ tailor advertising: “Suits made to order with or without material." Promise Well. Intimate Friend—Squiggles, how does it seem to have a baby in the house? Young Father —I didn’t think much of him at first, but the little—er—beggar improves wonderfully on acquaintance. The Anxious Husband. “My love, I don’t want you to do your work when we are married." “That’s considerate of you." x “And that brings me to a delicate guestton. Have*you enough money to enable us to keep a hired girl?** Charming. •Tve just been introduced to Prof. Smythe; such a charming man to talk to. He doesn’t make one feel a fool in spit® of his cleverness." *Ah, my dear, but that’s because of hie cleverness.” —Punch. A Correction. “We are drifting toward a paternal form of government," said the economist “Pardon me, if I correct you.” responded the suffragette, gently: “to be accurate, you should say a maternal form) of government”—Case and Comment. Appropriate. “Tinker®, th o watch-mender, is often heard to quote Shakespeare." “What is his favorite quotation from Shakespeare?” “‘The time is out of joint*"

WHY HE CONTINUED TO CALL Extremely Busy Man Finally Understands Why Caller Insists on Intruding His Presence. “See, here," said the great man when the caller had finally been permitted to enter the private office, “this is the sixth time you have come to discuss this matter. I told you in the beginning that I would notify you when I was ready to take it up- Why do you insist on bothering me about it?” “I m sorry it's a bother to you to have me call.” “You must understand that Im a very busy man. I can’t understand how you are able to afford to waste so much time hanging around here, waiting to see me, when you must know that your coming isn’t going to do you any good. I’ll take up your case when I come to it in its regular order, and not before. I've told you that a number of times.” “Yes, I know you have; but that pretty girl who sits in your outer office, telling people you are busy, is one of the most entertaining girls I ever ntet.” Little by Little. "Do you remember that ancient hero who trained himself by carrying a calf a certain distance each day?” "Yes; the calf grew day by day, and the athlete eventually found himself able to carry a full-grown ox.” “Just so. Well, I’m going to try that scheme under modern conditions. I’ll start w’ith the Monday paper, and maybe by the end of the week I’ll be able to carry the Sunday paper home." 1 COULDN’T SEE THEM. MO® She —Women like to be admired by men. He—Then why do they always try to knock out men's eyes with their umbrellas? Shifting the Scheme. "Did you strike copper on that land?” “Nope.” “Then I suppose you will return the money and take up the stock you sold?" “Not exactly. We shall promote an orange grove on the land. Two shares of the new stock for one oi the old.” Metropolitan Ways. "But you really can’t call Metrepolisville a city." “We can’t, huh? Why, we’ve got a street car strike on that lasted a month, two murder mysteries, the mayor and the chief of police undei grand jury indictments and thirty seven dictaphones in the city hall."—• Life. His Pet Play. Edith—That Mr. Phan is con veins, tlonally impossible. Ethel —Why so? Edith—We were talking about the theater, and when I inquired what was his favorite play, he said if he had any favorite it was seeing a man steal second. Didn’t Wait » First Newsboy—A guy handed me a half-dollar for a paper dis morning. I went outer de depot to get de change an* when I came back he was gone. Second Newsboy—How long was you gone for de change? First Newsboy—’Bout two hours. The Deceased. "Unfortunately the girl in the boat with him when he rocked the boat did not know how to swim.” “That was unfortunate." “For him, yes. You see she clawed him under the surface and stood on his face to keep her head above w» ter." Law in New York. “Tour honor, I ask for a special venire of 600 talesmen. It will tak« us some time to select a jury." “Why so?" “The defense will accept only mar rted men with blue eyes and warts os the nose, just like the defendant* Another Needed. Wise —Oh, George, dear, do order a rat-trap to be sent home today? George—But you bought one lasi week. Wise —Yes, dear, but there’s a rat iy that —London Tatler. Poor Mrs. Noah. Mrs. Styles—And you say they onlj had two of each kind in the ark? Mr. Styles—Yes, my dear. Mrs. Styles—And did poor Mrs Noah only have two dresses? And Fairy Tales. Mr. Crimsonbeak—Why, dear, yow hair is turning white! Mrs. Crimsonbeak—l guess thi ghost stories you have told me, John have something to do with it Unafraid. Goodman —And do you expect t< face your make? with the smell a liquor on your breath? Rounder —Oh, 1 don’t expect t« have any breath when that happens And She Knew. Patience —What is Will doing now? Patrice—He’s writing breakfast-foot poetry. Patience —Well, he always did wrltt the mushy kind.

Jf O'hr isf air rs itirre ■

w* S Christmas a sea- ■ son of plenty? ■ Face to face with I this timely quesB tion I have been I thinking of the J 'Jj ft ■ households in our \ cities. In many / of t^em - 1 know, / / t jLj tables will / rl-grr groan under an ar- '■ ray of substantiate and dainties, taste- | ful enough to make I FuufvT mouth of an TsKJw * epicure water. There will be that lovely loan from the pretty customs of the German fatherland — the Christmas tree —laden with Its numerous gifts for family and friends; the will rejoice in toys and candies; those a bit older, in a wealth of books and games, while fathers and mothers will have exhausted their ingenuity in discovering each others desires and those of their children in order that all may be gratified on this anniversary of Christ’s coming. In well-ordered households those who serve the family will be welcomed around the tree and merriment and song will add to the gayety. If he in whose name it will all be done were right here in the midst of them, what more could he ask? And I dreamed a dream —that he had come once more upon earth, had come right down among us and was looking with eyes of deep questioning at what was being done in honor of his former coming. And as he walked around hidden from all eyes but mine own, his glance seemed to pierce beneath the seeming and reach the heart of the festival. He passed by the well-wanned and lighted homes, where all was happiness and content; he went into the places where those of whom he said “Os such is the kingdom of God” were playing in the path of death, and his glance was stern as he saw one of “these little ones” sweep into eterity beneath the iron wheels which crushed its tiny form almost out of all semblance of the beauty and sweetness which belonged to it. His look said: “What gift has been given to this child in honor of my birthday? Has it had not even that right of every creature, a safe place to expand Its nature in the play which it must have in order to grow?” And he went among the homes of those who serve tfn* people in the marts of trade, great and small. Surely there we would find the Chirstmas good cheer of which I had been thinking. But in too many households we found only worry and anxious care for the morrow and for the health of those who were tired almost to death after their long hours of labor for the thankless, rushing crowd of searchers after “Christmas gifts;” they were not thinking of Christmas festivities, but only “Lord, give rest and bread to eat —rest, Lord, rest.” We left the middle-class homes and wandered on our quest into that great neighborhood of the weavers, men and women by the thousands, who in the best of times can never be sure that the wolf is far from their doors, and who, during these late years of costly living, have not often seen the best of times. There were attempts in many humble homes to celebrate the coming of the Prince of Peace, but, oh, how pitiful was their setting forth of the good things we all think belong of necessity to this blessed season! “What are you doing to these my little ones?” said the sad eyes with the deep questioning look. “Is this the best you can give them in honor of me? Why, these are no longer children; they are dwarfed men and women, with the spirit of play gone from them and the weight of years upon them in their very childhood.” And he went farther among the weavers, and came to the homes ( of . those who had abandoned all hope of better times; the homes where the season of Christ’s birth could not be celebrated for even their utmost efforts could not still the howl of the wolf right upon them, not at, but within the door. Theirs was the cry of the poor women of the roads in the German fatherland in a century long gone by, to the appeal of the priest who consecrated his life to such as they. “Give us only bread and water, and we will follow thee.” And these poor households said, “Giye us to know where tomorrow’s bread is to come from, and we will be happy and make a festival for thee; all we ask it to be free from the wolf; we are willing to work, but work Is not plentiful enough, and some of us must always go hungry.” And the face of the Christ grew sadder. And we passed into the home of one of those whose grief must be greater than that of her from whom death has taken the husband and the father of her little ones; of one

TRUST HIS LOVE

They are few who have not sometimes, said like Jaob, “All these things are against me.” We cannot wonder that he thought so; but he was mistaken. They were working for his good, and the time came when he knew it. We cannot see the bright light that is in the storms that afflict us, and our faith is so small that our hearts are troubled. But when our spirit is overwhelmed within us God

“More Nat’ral.* In Denver there is said to be a parvenu nabob who ordered for himself, through a friend in New York, a half-dozen pieces of the finest statuary in the metropolis. When they arrived, they all proved to be bronze. The nabob was greatly disgusted. The statuary of his neighbor, whom he was imitating or trying to excel, was of marble. Os course, that, was the proper thing. He retired that night In a moo*! of great displeasure. Next morning, before the sun was up, be

zM I B .< /

from whom the man has gone away, leaving the woman to fight singlehanded against the wolf. The effort there to keep up heart and to hold together the children in the home, with the handicap of the lower wage which is meted out to the working woman, seemed even more desperate. The little ones looked hungry; the Christmas tree had shrunk to a tiny sprig of green; there was little light, and it was, oh, so cold, and the tiny babe on the mother’s arm was the only soul that smiled. And this at the time of plenty, when all should rejoice! Is the mother at work at a time like this? Yes, in spite of all the world has to tell us of “sacred motherhood,” the woman with. the babe on her arm is not exempt from this harsh demand, and at work she must be, even on this day of days, or risk the dole which is all that stands between her children and the wolf. And deep in the saddened eyes of the Christ I read the condemnation and the question: He that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?” Is the rush of the gift-buying a sign either that there Is plenty in the land or that we really love to celebrate the birthday of the Christ? If you think so, listen to the groans of the overburdened father of the family when approached with the request for Christmas moneys; hear what weary women say to each other in passing concerning the unwelcome necessity of “exchanging gifts” with so many people "who look for something from you.” What of the original spirit of Christmas is there left in this “exchange.” this giving in the expectation of a return in kind? Thousands upon thousands of gifts are “exchanged” by people who bought them with the money which was really needed for the dally uses of their own households, bought them grudgingly in servitude to custom and without a particle of real Christmas spirit accompanying the selection or the giving. But this Is not the worst of it; the children, even, have come to know in many families that the gifts to those outside the family circle are given not because of loving desire to give, but in the spirit represented by “that wicked dollar,” which Emerson said was given in order to save himself the unpleasantness of refusing or the trouble of investigating some demand made upon him. Which has the better claim upon the time and the purse of the man of small means—those dear to him who actually need comforts, or the richer friend who in no sense needs the thing sent and who In turn will feel obliged to make a gift to keep his record clear? Shame upon the weakness which forces the “exchange” of what should be an outpouring of good feeling or else has absolutely no raison d'etre. But is there any righteousness in the feeling of smug comfort in the homes of the well-to-do at the Christmas season? Is the full table and the joy of one’s own household a fair offering in honor of him whose coming we pre supposed to be celebrating? While we are pretending to be a Christian community what are we doing to the weak and the helpless? Can there be any greater wrong to the children of any community than

knows our path. The deepest lessons, and the most salutary, of our lives come through our adversities. An thlete cannot ’be trained without difficult exercises, the mind is developed by hard studies, the heart is enlarged and humbled and purified by affliction. Our transient troubles are working for us “more and more exceedingly an eternal Weight of glory.” Our faith is small because the temporal

went out on his lawn, bucket and paint brush in hand, a£d painted white each piece of the next pronze statuary. He was at work on “Venus at Her Bath,” when his friend, who had purchased the artistic images for him, happened along and inquired in dismay what he was doing. Said the man of wealth: “Do you suppose I want any Ute squaws in my yard? Not by a sight!” The friend amusedly watched the artist until he bad completed the job of giving the shapely Venus a flesh coloring Then

to permit the years during which they should be laying the foundations of knowledge most easily, to find them so crowded by thousands out of the schools or sitting on the window ledges or (with doubly worked teachers trying to instruct two sets of youngsters) on “half time”? And yet we go calmly on year after year permitting money to be misused while the little children pay the bills in wasted years; and then, when Christmas comes, the children’s festival par excellence, we lift up our eyes to heaven with the prayer of the Pharisee and rejoice over the Christmas season and its joy for the children! Can there be any neglect of the commonwealth’s interests greater and with results more lasting, than < our failure to consider every child an asset to be treasured and and appreciated, to be educated to its utmost possibilities? We are all prone, men and women alike, to look mostly at immediate effects. If some one we know goes out to nurse a poorer neighbor stricken down with typhoid or any of the other preventable diseases, we exclaim over the lovely charity of the action and praise the kindness of heart which prompted It. “That,’’ says the average person, “is true charity and neighborly love.” But if that kindly woman to give half the time and effort to help along a crusade for pure water or for the prevention of consumption or for the cleaning up of a pestilent neighborhood, she would probably be called by those immediately around her, if not a muckraker, at least an uncomfortably active reformer. Yet the prevention of the Illness would mean more to the poorer neighbor than all the kindly nursing during its continuance. All we mag do in the way of juvenile courts for the young offenders is not to be compared with giving them just their bare right to playgrounds and good teaching, with plenty of room for all and well paid teachers to work for and with them. When we know that the coming of Christmas, the children’s festival, is going to make all the young boxmakers in our city slaws extra long hours, in order to fill the rush orders of the season, shall we not be shaken out of our smug rejoicing over this as a time of plenty for all? Not enough schools for the city’s children; not enough food for them, even when they do get into the schools; not enough wages for their parents to enable the mothers to remain in the ’homes to look after them; not enough money spent by the municipality to give them places to play in safety; not enough care for their lives to clean up the neighborhoods in which they fairly swarm, not enough Christmas joy to go-round to all the city’s children —such is our record as we prepare to celebrate with merriment and feasting the advent of the Christ Child. Is it a record of which we dare be proud ? May we offer it as a meet festival in honor of the coming into our world of him who said: Whosoever shall cause one of these little ones that believes on me to stumble, it were better for him if a great millstone were hanged about his neck and he were cast into the sea."* Who lives for humanity must be content to lose himself.—Frothingham.

has too strong a hold on us. If our vision were always fixed on the things not seen and eternal we would rejoice in our tribulation. One of the greatest goods of life is the severity of its spiritual discipline. To those who trust him God gives the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places. We cannot comprehend his perfect plan for our lives, but it is our blessed privilege to trust his unerring wisdom and his infinite love.

stepping back, he -viewed the effect of his work critically a moment, went Into the house, and, returning with a pot of colored paint, commenced to decorate the limbs of Venus with red garters. The effect very much pleased the manipulator of the brush, because he said It made It appear “more nat’ral-like.” Every woman whose husband is a failure is sure he would have been a howling success had he followed her advice.

Equivocal Reply. « A nonconformist clergman in Manchester is chuckling over a letter he recently received from the vicar of a certain parish. He had written to the vicar asking for permission to conduct a funeral in the churchyard. "He immediately sent me a most courteous note,” the nonconformist clergyman says; “but I could not help noticing that it would be possible to give to his word a sinister meaning. The note ran: ’You will, both tomorrow and at any other time, be most welcome in our churchyard.’ ” — London Tit-Bits. Where Autos Are Barred. Prince Edward island bars automobiles, not because the islanders cannot afford the machines, but because of accidents caused by the recklessness of drivers who brought in the first cars. They caused many runaways, and a few had tragic endings. The legislature at once passed a law barring autos from the island. Some of the leading cities have since endeavored to have the enactment repealed, but the country influence has always been strong enough to overcome all such efforts. Why Girls Postpone. Nell —Isn’t Alice soon going to marry Jack? Belle —I don’t know. She says she hates to give up the dollar and a half shows for the ten-cent moving pictures. s Good Reason. “Mrs. Comeup is always boasting that her husband can take any man’s i measure.” “That’s true. He used to be a tail or.” Retiring Place. “Where have you put your essays on the dove of peace?” “In the pigeon hole.” Dr. Pierce’s Pleasant Pellets cure constipation. Constipation is the cause of many diseases. Cure the cause and you cure the disease. Easy to take. Adv. It’s a safe bet that most of* your friends are people who want you to work for them without pay. Mrs. Winslow’s Southing for Children teething, softens the gums, reduces inflammation, allays pain,cures wind colic. Ssc a bottle.Mv. A dog may worry a cat, but a man, being nobler than a dog, worries some woman. Fresh sup’ply Mrs. Austin’s Bag Buckwheat now on hand at your grocers. Adv. Mind unemployed is mind unenjoy ed. —Bovee.

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