The Syracuse Journal, Volume 5, Number 1, Syracuse, Kosciusko County, 2 May 1912 — Page 3

11 Every Picture Tells a Story" BAD BACKS DO MAKE WORK HARD Backache makes the daily toil, for thousands, an agony hard to endlire. Many of these poor sufferers have kidney trouble ana don’t know it. Swollen, aching kidneys usually go hand in hand with irregular kidney action, headache, dizziness, nervousness and despondency. Just try a box of Doan s Kidney Pills, the best-recommended special kidney remedy. This good medicine has cured thousands. HERE’S A TYPICAL CASE— J. L. Richardson, Red Key, Ind., says: “My back ached as if it would break. I could not move without intense pain. The kidneys were in such shape it was necessary to draw the secretions. Doan’s Kidney Pills cured me completely after doctors gave up hope and I have not had the slightest trouble since.” Get Doan’s at any Drug Store, 50c. a Boz DOAN’S ft*'

agents wasted— Exclusive territory. Good chance to build up permanent business. Mall us 110 for 86 lb. Feather Bed and recelve.without cost, 6 lb. pair pillows. Freight on all prepaid. New feathers, bestticking. Satisfaction guaranteed. T>n»rS Cornwell,Feather Deaton, Itept. to, Charlotte, K. C. Bet. Com’l Nat’l Bank. over ioo YEARS OLD Beauty specialists encounter many hard lines. For torpid, inactive or disordered liver, take Garfield Tea. All druggists. Dream of marriage signifies madness. Mrs. Wtnslow'a Soothing Syrup for Children teething, soften* the gums, reduces inflammation, allays pain, cures wind colic, 26c a bottle. The man with money speaks the truth. T Shrewdness. “And why are you writing ‘Personal’ on that envelope?” “I want the man’s wife to read the letter.” All Interested. “Is your bookkeeper’s heart tn his office work?” “Everybody’s heart is in the office work since the blonde stenographer came.” Reduced. Potash —Cohen can nefer make a goot golluf blayer. Perlmutter —For vy not? Potash —He neffer hollers fore—always he yells dree ninety-eight.—Wis-consin Sphinx. o A Correction. “We are drifting toward a paternal form of government," said the ecqnomist ' "Pardon me if correct you,” re- ! sponded the suffragette, gently: “to be accurate, yqu should say a maternal form of government.” Not Needed There. Dr. Harvey W. Wiley was asked the other day if he had heard anything about the recent invention which gives to new wine all the properties of old wine. “N'o, I haven’t,” Doctor Wiley replied. Then, with a smile, he added: “But, by Jove, I attended a musical comedy performance the other night which certainly must have been treated with thfit invention.”

Every Crisp, Little Flake Os Post Toasties has a flavour all its own. “Toasties” are made of selected white Indian com; first cooked, then rolled into wafer-like bits and toasted to an appetizing golden brown. A favorite food for breakfast, lunch or supper in thousands upon thousands of homes where people are particular. M The Memory Lingers” Sold by Grocers Postnm Cereal Company, Limited Battle Creek, Mich.

I P ,, y ;■■■- - , 'A'TTTTTTFi the ii Hair Grower i; ' ’ Os Puoroa ™ ""¥<l He wasn’t a liar, at least he wasnt a confirmed liar. I found him on one of the benches in Union Square, and we immediately became friends. On spring days the seats near Broadway and Fourteenth street are veritable treasure grounds, and the astute searcher after human bric-a-brac can pick up anything from a Polish count to a South Sea buccaneer with little effort. “You have never heard of Zirgstauk’s Hair Grower?” he remarked quietly. “No of course you have not. I am the inventor, Dr. Ulysses G. Zirgstauk. No, I never marketed it. This country is not kind to the inventor, but it is a grand spot for the imitator of the inventor. If I put Zirgstauk’s Hair Grower on the market I’d waste all my time serving Injunctions, while every unprincipled idea pirate between Duluth and Galveston would be getting rich by selling my stuff.” “But the patent laws?” I inquired. Zirgstauk sniffed haughtily at a wandering puff of cool air that came up from the North river and soothed his nerves by bringing a worn boot heel and a match into violent collision. “They’re all right,” he murmured. “All right for the gentlemen I mentioned and the persons you hire to get the patent. The Inventor gets between the two and he gets hurt. Yes, sir, I’ve taken out 126 patents in the United States, and iriy feelings have been battered into a state of shivering Insensibility, and I’m a peripatetic bankrupt standing on my pride and two injured shoes.” I sympathized clumsily. “When I invented the hair grower,” he continued, “I knew I had the greatest halr-hustllng compound that had ever been offered. I tried it in a dozen £ IKMS I Cut Hair From Daylight Till Nightfall. ways and I was satisfied. Then I sat down to commune with myself. ’Ulysses G.,’ said I, ‘if you market that stuff you’ll be hanging round the trilbies of justice askinggfor a square deal, while every woman in the five continents is growing a six-foot thatch with a compound that has been supplied to her by some scoundrel that has stolen your prescription.’ That is what I said, sir. I had 126 object lessons up to that time, and the remnants of my charity wouldn’t bring three cents in an auction room. That’s when I got the idea. It came to me one night, and next morning I was on my way to ’Frisco en route for the South Seas.” I looked surprised, and Zirgstauk Smiled. “Why the South Seas?” I questioned. “I intended to grow hair and sell it to them instead of selling them the preparation,” he snapped. “Do you understand? I was out to circumvent those thieves who prey on unfortunates like me who spend our time corraling every little idea that blows our way; ‘Hire niggers down in the islands to grow you six foot fleeces with the help of your tonic,’ were the exact words of the dream, ‘and then cart the wigs heme and sell them to every short-haired female in the United States.’ “Four weeks afterward I was at Auckland, New Zealand, and from there I got a passage down to Puroroa, one of the outliers of the Gilbert group. I was far away from Broadway on that little spot, and after I mixed a few gallons of the tonic I .got busy. I rubbed the heads of a few score of those niggers, after making an agreement with them regarding the crop that would result, and then I wandered round and made calculations concerning the value of a few hundred six-foot wigs delivered in Broadway or Piccadilly.” ’ > Zirkstauk paused and watched a man swinging lb space above a new building. The thin wire support was i hardly discernible. “That fellow up there is in no danger,” he murmured. “We might think he is, but the chances of one of those trees falling cn our heads is far great-

er than the chance of that wire snapping. I’m just trying to £how you that we haven’t got down to the proper method of guessing how and when and where old Nemesis is going to kick us. I was in the fool mob when I was at Puoroa calculating upon the value of those six-foot lengths that were growing faster than corn in spring time. Those nigs grew five inches of hair every day, and I was beginning to sharpen the shears when trouble fell upon me like the wrath of Heaven.. “One of those pot-bellied native youngsters stole a five-gallon can of the hair grower, and six hours afterward I had struck the champion bad luck patch of my career. Yes, sir, I was in it up to my neck. That kid rubbed the stuff on his old man’s nose while the father was asleep; splashed; it pretty freely over his mother’s facial* rind, and decorated himself in such ai manner that he looked like one of| those King Charles spaniels the moment the tufts of hair started to shoot. 1 Nothing could keep the hair off any: part of the body touched by Zlrg-l stauk’s Hair Grower. • “If I got that can back I might have stopped the trouble, but the youngster ( traded it all round the place, after het had worked off his spite against hia parents, and before nightfall there were three hundred Puroroans grow-; ing hair in places .they didn’t want hain to grow, and using up all the cuss ( words of the Pacific on yours truly; They came down to my hut in droves to give personal testimony to the effU cacy of the hair, grower, and the only, way I could repair the damage was to, offer to barber them free. My get-busy days started just then. The kid’s; father who got the splash on the nose came up to have it trimmed everyj morning, because he hair grew that fast over night it muffled his voice} when he started to order his breakfast of fried yams and cocoanuts. His wife! was in.the same fix, and every day my troubles increased. Those copper-col-, ored heathens found that Zirgstauk’si Hair Grower was the most effective! stuff In the world for getting even; with an enemy, and, Instead of prod-1 ding a foe with a knife, they would! syringe him with a half-pint of the* mixture and come round next day to} grin when he was turning into the wild} man from Borneo at a fast gait. I cut! hair from daylight till nightfall, and) even did a bit of rough trimming when! the moonlight was strong enough to! let me work.

“Then I struck the climax before I was prepared for it. I used to sleep with the shears under my head, because, being the only pair on the island, it was a pretty valuable posses-! sion, so you can imagine the shock I, got one morning when I woke up and found some one had stolen it while I! slept. I guessed Puoroa would be too warm for me without that scissors, and I knew I had little hope of getting them. Just as I was debating about the best way of skipping out, a few of my early morning customers started to batter the door, so I loped out the back way and made for the beach. I stole a canoe and pulled as hard as I could toward the horizon, and that evening I was picked up by a copra schooner .arid taken on to Melbourne. No sir, I never went back, but if you see any abnormally hairy specimens of the human family on exhibition in the Bowery it is safe betting that they hail from Puoroa, and if you question them they’ll support my story.” I stood up, but he put out his hand and detained me. “I said I never marketed it.” he murmured, “but occasionally I sell a bottle to a person whose evident respect ability is proof that he is not one of those thieving-—. Thank you. sir; fifty cents. lam delighted at meeting you, and if ever you meet one of those Puoroans ask them about Dr,. Ulysses G. Zirgstauk.” , I have the bottle of hair tonic on my desk; I am waiting to present it to the first baldheaded book agent that invades my office. With the Rothschilds. What chiefly struck one at the funeral of the late Baron Gustave de Rothschild was the great, multiplicity of relatives descended from his father, the first Baron James, the shrewdest, and most funnily humorous member of the Paris branch of the Rothschilds, that he founded, says a writer in London Truth. Among these descendants were a son, grandsons and great and great-great-grandsons — Rothschilds, Lamberts, Leonios, Ephrussis. Sterns, Sassoons, Bubbays. They represented not only the principle of 'blood relationship, but the finance’ of Paris. Brussels, Genoa, Milan, Odessa, Bombay and Calcutta. Among the numerous multi-millionaires descended from the first Baron James there was- one who devoted himself to medical science, dramatic literature and the collecting of autographs of writers — Baron. Henri, only son 6f the second Baron James. Dog’s “Stunt” Almost Fatal. The state water analyst in Kansas City has a curious dog—a hr indie bull —who licks stamps. Any morning until very recently he was to be seen accompanying his master to his laboratory. At the laboratory he made his nest in an unused locker. But the dog wasn’t there merely for looks. He had a stfecific object in life. When bottles were to be labeled he would emerge from bis hole at the snap of his master’s fingers, obediently stick out his tongue and neatly and cleverly lick thejlabel extended to him. But the combteatfon of glucose and cow’s hoofs on the label is not the best diet for bulldogs. The glue must have come off and stuck in his throat, ioi he now lies on a coiich of old*coats with a goitre on his neca, swathed ii bandages of cotton and cold cream.

czSeT lx NOT LOOKING FOR ARGUMENT Among Other Things Was Willing to Give Women Right to Vote and Same Wages as Men. • “Don’t you think a man is a fool to try to drown his sorrows in strong liquor?” “Yes.” “And don’t you think chewing tobacco is an awfully filthy habit?” “Yes.” • “Don’t you think a man who smokes is foolish to burn up money In that way?” “Yes." . “Don’t you think it is ridiculous to deny women the right to vote when tramps and ignorant foreigners who have no knowledge of our institutions are permitted to cast ballots?” “Yes.” “Don’t you think a woman who does a man’s work as well as a man could do it ought to have a man’s pay?” “Yes.” “Well, for mercy sake, why don’t you spunk up and argue about something? Haven’t you an idea of any kind?” Didn’t Bother Him. Musician—ls it not a distressing thought that some of our greatest composers made very little money in their lifetime? Philistine—No. It’s my only consolation when my wife "drags me to the opera.—London Opinion. Fit Designation. “My dear, what is your kitty’s name?" “What kitty, my love?” “The kitty you talk about in your ileep that you have at your club?” “As far as I am concerned, my dear, Its name is Dennis.” Agreed. Tapper—How do you get along so frell with your wife? Topper—We made an- agreement that she wouldiPt interfere with my stenographers if I wouldn’t interfere -ith her chauffeurs.—Judge. Paradoxical. “An heiress does one thing contrary to everyone else.” “What’s that?” “She is apt to be most wasteful of aer riches when she husbands her re- ■ lources.” ' 4 THE USUAL WAY. T /' \\\\\ Ws Mrs. Jackson—-Before we were married you said you’d lay the world at my feet.. Mr. Jackson —Well? Mrs. Jackson —Now, you are not even willing to lay the carpet. AU the Same to Him. “Have you a few minutes to spare?” asked the agent. “No,” replied tlje busy man. “Well, I have” a proposition that I think will interest you.” All Useful. , “I call ’em the cutlery family.” “Why so?”’ “Well, the daughter spoons, the father forks out the money and the mother knifes the other guests.” A Suspicious Case. “What makes you think his credit Isn’t good?” called in a doctor to treat him for a stomach ache, and the doctor didn’t tell him he had appendicitis.” Charcoal Eph’s Philosophy. “Es de worl’ was jess lak hit staht- ’ Bd off,” said Charcoal Eph, ruminatively, “you’d fin’ nearly everybody shinnln’ up dat pl’ apple tree. Try some biscuits, Mistah Jackson.” Comparative Values. “My wife can make a tart reply.” “My wife can do better than that. She can make a pie speak for it•elf.”

ACTOR AND THE PLAYWRIGHT Former Resents Idea That He Is Given Vehicle to Express Talent and Genius to World. “You don’t seem to have a very high opinion of the man who wrote the ply in which you are appearing." “Why should I have a high opinoin of him?” asked the popular young actor. “He has given you the opportunity to become a public favorite.” "He has given me the opportunity? My dear sir, he is not responsible for the talent, the genius, the artistic temperament I possess.” “No, but if there were no playwright to provide you with a vehicle how would you find expresion for your talent, your genius, your artistic temperament? It seems to me that you owe everything to the man who gives you lines to speak.” “My dear boy, you have a primitive mind—very primitive. You could not drive .your automobile if there were no mechanics to make the wheels and the brakes and the engines; but do you feel that you owe all to the besmeared mechanics? Pardon me for a moment while I indulge in thought. It is my favorite recreation.” Heredity. “Give me a kiss!” pleads the suitor of the lovely . daughter of the eminent ; philanthropist. “I will,” she replies thoughtfully, ; “on condition that you raise three more within five minutes."—Judge’s Library. { HIS PURPOSE. ) I* itJ First Senator—What makes you keep declaring that you will never agairi be a candidate for public office? Second Senator — Well, I’ve got to keep saying something in order to prevent my friends from overlooking me as a possible candidate. A Tender Plea. “I see that Jack has colored his hair black where it was turning. Why did he do such a foolish thing?" “Well, his girl asked him to do it, and, of course, no man could refuse a loved one’s dyeing request.” In the Blood. . “Why do American heiresses persist in marrying impecunious noblemen?” “I suppose with the American woman’s instinctive love of bargains, they, cannot, resist the prospect of getting anything that’s reduced.” The Question Today. “Are you making.history?” inquired the Mexican insurgent. “What a question, general.” “I ask it seriously. Are we making history or just a fq®^ films for the moving picture people?" Average Time. “Which of these clocks is right?” “I don’t know. We’ve five clocks When we want to know the time we add ’em together and divide by five, and even then we’re not certain."— London Opinion. The Only Way. “I think, dear, I'll make my will.” “Why should you do that? You haven’t anything to leave.” “I know; but it seems to be the only way in which I can hope to have a will of my own." At It Again. • The Doctor —I see there has been some discussion as to whether it should be a Norwegian or an English flag that? flies from the south pole. The Professor —The honor belongs to neither. It should be Polish. Time to Roost. “Doctor,” said a despairing patient, “I’m in a dreadful way—l can neither lay ner set. What shall I 4°-” “Well,” said the medical man gravely, “I think you had better roost” inexcusable Ignorance. Rankin (trying to remember) —Who and what are the “geisha gl’ls?” Fyle—The gay Shaw girl*? I don’t know. Why not read hi» Btuff yourself and find out? Lost Time “When you make aw engagement, you are always righ< on the minute keeping it, aren’t “Yes, I have lost a lot of time that way.” Her Untrained Ear. “Yes, I enjoyed my visit to Boston ever so much.” Miss Cahokia was saying. “What a curious—er—brogue they speak there, don’t they?” The Cause. “I don’t look well in a steamer cap.” "Few people do. You see, it is a sort of hand) cap.”

POINTER HERE FOR FARMER One Good Thing, at Least, That He May Place to the Credit of the Auto. The farmer may not venerate the automobile, but he' must admit that, although the automobile teaches others extravagance, it has taught him a very valuable lesson in economy. Everybody knows how plant lice, oraphis, overrun and destroy plants and how the sole protection against plant lice has heretofore been patent powders more or less costly. But of late years farmers have noticed that, while all the plants in field or garden were covered with aphis, all the roadside growths, white with dust from flying automobiles, had not a single aphis on them. Hence an experiment. Turnips, peas and cabbages were coated with ordinary dust instead of costly powder. Result, disappearance of all insect parasites. The automobile, in a word, has taught the farmer that dust, which costs nothing, will protect his plants from plant lice and other pests just as competely as the most expensive powder can. ALMLST CRAZY WITH ECZEMA “I, the undersigned, cannot give enough praise to the Cuticura Remedies. I had been doctoring for at least a year for eczema on my foot. . I had tried doctor after doctor all to no avail. When a young girl I sprained my ankle three different times, paying little or no attention to It, when five years ago a small spot showed upon my left ankle. I was worried and sent for a doctor. He said it was eczema. He drew a small bone from the ankle about the size of a match and about an inch long. The small hole grew to about the size of an apple, and the eczema spread to the knee. The doctors never could heal the hole in the ankle,* The whole foot ran water all the time. “My husband smd my sons were up niglu and day wheeling ine from one room to another in the hope of giving me some relief. I would sit for hours at a time in front of the fireplace hoping for daybreak. The pain was so intense I was almost crazy, in fact, 1 would lose my reason for hours at a time. One day a friend of mine dropped in to see me. No more had she glanced at my foot than she exclaimed: ‘Mrs. Finnegan, why in the world don’t .you try the Cuticura Remedies!’ Being disgusted with the doctors and their medicines, and not being able to sleep at all. I decided to give the Cuticura Soap and Cuticura Ointment a trial. After using them three days that night I slept as sound as a silver dollar for eight long hours. I awoke in the morning with but very J little pain, in fact, 1 thought I was tn heaven. After using the Cuticura Remedies for three months I was perfectly restored to health, thanks to the Cuticura Soap and Ointment. I will be sixty-four, years of age my next birthday, hale and hearty at present.” (Signed) Mrs. Julia Finnegan, 2234 Hebert St., St. Louis, Mo., Mar. 7, 1911. Although Cuticura Soap and Ointment are sold by druggists and dealers everywhere, a sample of each, with 32-page book, will be mqiled ! free on application to “Cuticura,” ! Dept. L, Bostop. What Make. Tittle —Hardup bought his wife a ; machine. i Tattlb—Touring, talking, sewing or ! washing?-—Judge. 1 ~ " — - ■ The (more birthdays a woman has ' the lesh she has to say about them. Nothing pleases a woman more than i her inability to show her age. No harm ful drugs in Garfield Tea, It is composed wholly of simple health-giving herbs. A girl .can be sentimental even about I the way she eats pickles.

HAPPY THO’ MARRIED ? There ore unhappy married lives, but a large percentage of these homes are due to the illness of the wife, mother or daughter. The aA' nervousness, the befogged mind, the ill-temper, the pale and wrinkled face, hcifcw and circled eyes, result most often from those disorders peculiar to women. Rw the woman to be happy and good-looking she must naturally have good health.. Dragging-down feelings, hysteria, hot-flashes or constantly returning panu and aches—are too great a drain upon a woman’s vitality and strength. Dr. Pierea’®Eavorite Prescription restores weak and sick women to sound health by Bating and correcting the local disorders which are generally responsible for above distressing symptoms.

“I suffered greatly for a number of years and for the ttoeeyears was sc bad that life was a misery to me," writes Mrs. B. E. ItaCSE—OVER, of Utica, Ohio, Route 4. “The doctors told me I wonk! bars tox go to a hospital before I would ever bo better. A year ago this wtrtlFW and spring I was worse than ever before. At each period I suffered li>. er one in torment, lam the mother of six children. I was so bad far five months that I knew something must be done, so I wrote to Dr.JB. O'Pierce, telling him as nearly as I could how I suft ered. He ontnnad * course of treatment which I followed to the letter. 1 took two betticai 1 of ‘ Favorite Prescription ’ and one of ‘ Golden Medical Discovery and • fifty-eent bottle of Smart-Weed,’ and have never suffered much ssncai I wish I eould tell every suffering woman the world over what u Been I)r. Pierce's medicines are. There is no use wasting time and doctoring with anything else or any one else.” The Medical Adviser by R. V. Pierce, M. D., Buffalo, N. Y., aaswers hosts of delicate questions about which eve/!y woman, single or married ought to know. Scat /rssw on receipt of 31 stamps to pay for wrapping and moiling oo4y.

Sj s, ' Mas. Dickoveh.

W. L. DOUGLAS

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SUFFERED EVERYTHING For Fourteen Years. Restored' To Health by LydiaE.HiJbham’s Vegetable Compound. Elgin, HL—“After fourteen yeu»<C suffering everything from female «n»-

plaints, I am at bant, restored to henSKh“I employed best doctor* mti even went to torn hospital for treatment and wan toiitl there was so heip&Br me. But white taking Lydia EL Plnbkham’s Vegetable Compound I begaoa to improve and -I

pontinued its use until IwasnaadeweE. I** 1 ** —Mrs. Henry Leiseberg,743Adam* 9c. Kearneysville, W. Va.—“l feel it my duty to write and say what Ly&a K. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compomad tes done for me. I suffered from weakness and at times felt so miaembt* I could hardly endure being on my “After taking Lydia E. Pinkbaze’iaVegetable Compound and following your special directions, my trouble is gums. Words fail to express my thankfulne**I recommend your medicine to all any friends.’’-Mrs. G. B. Whhtingtom. The above are only two of the tboosands of grateful letters which are cessi stantly being received by the PinkhassEb Medicine Company of Lynn,Mass.,wbfcrii show clearly what great things Lydia JE. Pinkham’s Vegetable Compound does for those who suffer from woman's . If you want special advice write atas Lydia E. Pinkham Medicine Ca. («*a®dentlal) Lynn, Mass. Your letter be opened, read and answered by * woman and held in strict cenfldesnsa-

Make the Liver Do its Duty Nine times in ten when the fiver to right the stomach and bowels are xigsht. CARTER’S LITTLE LIVER PILLS gently butfirmly . ■;; pel a lazy liver do its duty. ; Cures ttipation, In- afligSlfclay i digestion, 3 S'ck Wr;™ 11 and Distress After Eating. SMALL PILL, SMALL DOSE, SMALL PMOfc Genuine must bear Signature

MOTHER GRAFS SWEET POWDERS FOR CHOIO Relieve Feverishness. CemKswation,Colds and correct rtisordtaxetf . . the stomach and bowels. Mothers for 22 years. At all Ovsw~ gists 25c. Sample mailed VRIW'.. . Address A. S. Olmsted, L. Wwr.

v TBADBMARK.

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