The Mail-Journal, Volume 15, Number 36, Milford, Kosciusko County, 27 September 1978 — Page 26

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Side gfKds By Roger W. Dana J

As most parents know, school days can be the best days of your life if your kids are old enough to attend. When I see my kid lying on the floor studying by the light of the TV tube, it reminds me of Abe Lincoln. My kid’s teacher told me that my kid is not only the worst behaved kid in school, but he also has a perfect attendance record. Arriving home from school his first day, my kid said, “I’m not going back to school tomorrow!” “And why not?” I asked. “Well,” he replied, “I can’t read, can’t write, and the teacher won’t let me talk, so what’s the use?” A teacher is someone who makes little things count. She asked my kid, “If I lay two eggs here and three over there, how many eggs will I have?” My kid’s answer was, “I don’t believe you can do it!” She also asked him where the English channel was. “Are you kiddin’?” my kid replied. “We can only get the local channels on our TV set.” Here is a comforting thought: We’d have less trouble with our kids, This is a fact worth knowing; If they had to chop some wood, To keep the TV going! My kid is more interested in sports than school. His teacher asked him to write a short paper on who were the nine greatest Americans ? All the kids turned in their papers, except mine. “Can’t you finish your list, Billy?” asked the teacher. “I’m still undecided,” replied Billy, “about the first baseman!” My high school son is always late for school. The principal told him, “Young man, you ought to take a lesson from the busy bee.” My son replied, “I did, Sir, I was out late last night with my honey!” I’ll have to admit, though, kids in high school do have it pretty rough. I found out when he asked me to help him with his homework. My son asked me to take a look, At his school “mystery” book. He named it right, (as I can see) It’s on advanced geometry. Because of this, I have decided to spend more time helping my younger son with his school work, starting right away: This year there’s one job I won’t shirk, That’s help my son with his homework.

We turn off the TV appliance, And buckle down to math and science. Why do I help this little guy? I must admit this fact, that I, Next year will be of little aid — As he might pass into fifth grade! Since I have been helping my kids with their homework, their teacher says they seem to be trying harder. I thought this was good news until their teacher sent me this note: Your kids claim that they try so hard, To get good grades on their report card. “Yes, they have improved, are really clever. To me, thev seem more trying than ever!” Os course I want my kids to have a thoroughly modern, up-to-date education, including Latin. “Yes, of course, your son can take Latin,” the principal told me, “though Latin is, as you know, a dead language.” “Well, that’s all the better,” I replied. “My son wants to be an undertaker.” It’s very discouraging for a parent when he sends his kid through four years of high school and then discovers that your parakeet has a larger vocobulary. The teacher was explaining to the class the meaning of the word “recuperate”. “Now, Billy,” she said to my son, “when your father has worked hard all day, he is tired and worn out, isn’t he?” “Yes, ma’am.” “Then when night comes, and his work is over for the day, what does he do?” “That’s what my mother wants to know,” my son replied. Os course my Billy is smart in some ways. His English teacher asked him to write a sentence with the word “analysis” in it. He wrote on his paper: The teacher told me to look up the word “analysis” in the dictionary. Sometimes kids will try to put the blame on the parents when they don’t do so well in school. Just the other day, my kid said, “Dad, I got into a lot of trouble at school today, and it’s all your fault.” “How’s that?” I asked. “Remember I asked you how much $5,000,000 was ?” “Yes, I remember.” “Well, ‘a helluva lot’ ain’t the right answer.” I seldom help the kids with their homework anymore. I prefer to let them get it all wrong by themselves. I’m going to send my son to college though. It’s the only vacation he will ever get between his mother and wife.