Terre Haute Weekly Gazette, Volume 8, Number 10, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 12 October 1876 — Page 5

RESIGNED HIS POSITION.

New York, Oct.

Rev.

12.—The

Charles

Evening

Post has the following Rev. E. De witi Tallmadge has reined his position a editor of the Christian at Work somewhat abruptly. According to the story lie left the office of the Journal M»nday afternoon. 'Visiting the press room he inserted a farewell card to his readers, and induced the foremam to print the edition the (same night instead of Tuesday morning. It is. said that the publication of the card was the first intimation the publishers had of his intention to resign. The edition was suppressed and a new one printed in white. It was announced that the Christian at Work would hereafter be edited by Rev. Dr. W. M. Tavlor, of Broadway Tabernacle. Tallma^e says he ha:l frequently expressed his intention to leave the paper, but that the trustees were unwilling to part with him and he was compelled to take the matter into his own hands, lie becomes editor of the Advance, a Journal published in this city and Chicago and with him arc associated the Rev. Dr. Storrsof Brooklyn and the

II. Spurgeon of London.

1 HE CENTENNIAL NEW HAMPSHIRE DAY.

Philadelphia, Oct.

12.—New

Ilamshire

dav at Centennial is being celebrated by a veiv large attendance. Exercises were a a in a 1 1 morning. General IIawley made an address of'welcome and George Clieiu-y responded, after which Ilutcheson sang. The old granite state monument to Christopher Colurn bus was unveiled at the Centennial grounds this afternoon. Ttie prciimhi ary proceedings consisted v/l a grand parade of the Italian citizens through the principal streets to the grounds. 1 his morning at the monument, after the prelimary s|X"eches by Comsi Alor.zo Vita of Italy and Rev. Isolere ot Italian church in this city, the monument was unveiled by Goveanor J. T. Ilartranft, and Ablani Envoy Extraordinary and Minister-Plenepotentiarv ot 1 lis Majesty the King of Italy, and Royal ComCommissioner to the International exhibition. 'I he other ceremonies was a salute of artillery, and an oration by lion Judge Daily of the Sup re .e Court of New York and President of the American geographical.societjr. 'I lie presentation of the monument by Nunzio l'ineli, President of the association to the Park Corusis city of Philadelphi. The acceptance by Hon. Morton McMichael, president of the park committee

Horrible Affair iti Abyssinia.

4,000 MEN MASSACRED.

London, Oct. 12—The Paris cones pondent telegraphs an account of an interview with an officer in th Egyptian Army, who gives the circumstantial details of the horrible events which have taken place Abyssinia during the attempt of Egvp' to chastise Abvssinians. There have been two expeditions. 1 he first which was dispatched in October, 1871 consisting ot four thousand men was surprised in Defile of Goundel and massacred to the last man. The second expedition 01' 6,000 men started in February in Delile of Goura and was overwhelmed, 4,000 men being killed. The Abyssinian King then went into the interior, and accord ing to the latest reports lias repeated what he did in Defiles of Goundel and Goura by again crushing the army ol Egyptians. Details of this as ot other cxpe.litiops are guarded with ^reat secrecy.

A JAIL ENTERED AND THE STATE ARMS TAKEN. Chicago, Oct, 12—The Herald of South Carolina special says, Governor Chamberlain has extraordinary information to the effect, that,, on Monday night about nine o'clock 300 armed men opened County Jail of Edgefield and took Irom it 370 stands of state arms which were stored there. The acting deputy sheriff and Jailer and W. P. Sentinel who was on post not over 200 yards distant were not aware of presence ol the armed band nor the carrying off of the arms. Nobody says the Governor, but those concerned in the plot know anything about it. and he, of course, believes that white men perpetuated this fresh outrage. These arms were taken from the negro militia at a time of great disorder in Edgefield countv, in 1874, upon condition that the rifle club would disband, and have «incc been stored tiiere. They wore principally breech loaders.

E~M0CKI NG "B7RD~CREW.

Erie, Penn., Oct. 12.—The revenue, utter, Perry, brought over from Long Point yesterday, Master Captain Leland and crew of the bark Mocking Bird, of Chicago. This vessel left Buffalo last week with a cargo of coal, bound tor Chicago, She lay under Long Point several davs waiting tor the weather t. moderate.

Monday

morning she started

up the lake, cncounteriug heavy winds, and when about

60

miles to

the ind

westward she sprang a leak, turning aoout, ran for Long When rounding the point.she tilled and sank The l-'ght keeper launched a boat and took the crew off. One of the men, Frank June, had a collar bone and shoulder crushed bv the main boom falling on him. Capt. Clelanu, part owner ot the Mocking Bird, considers her a total loss. Amount of insurance unknown.

Point.

COLLISION.

Cincinnati, October is.—A special en cine of the Ohio and Mississippi R. last evening ran into a switching engine near Aurora Ind. killing the fuenmn of the latter, Frank Woods who was oiling his enuine at the moment of the collision, and badly injuring E.Gaskell a helper on the engine, and slightly injuring Ross, engineer of special.

What Kind of Yarn.—An elderly German women entered one of the leadin" dry-goods stores a few days since, and endeavored to make herself understood bv the voung lady clerks. Failing with them, she turned to a young man who had sprouted up through a standing dicker and at last conveyed the intelligence that she wanted to look at yarn. "What kind of yarn? in­

quired

the clerk. "Yoost pout der same init dot!" said the old lady, at the same time planting one foot on the counter and displaying aWth of hose that filled the voung man with astonishment, lilted his shirt collar, and induced the young lady clerks to step to the front door and look out for runaway teams or something. The counter was piled high with samples of yarn in less than a minute.[—St. Paul pioneer.

-T

THE EIGHTY ONE TON GUN.

Recent trials—A Seventeen Hundred Pound Shot Hurled Soven Miles-

Guns, great and small, are fired everyday over the sands, from this solitary and remote corner of Essex, and tiie inhabitants of its little town and garrison are so accustomed to loud and sudden noises as scarcely to notice sounds which would tortue the untrained ear but to-day has been a day of dread, and its population, to the last man, woman and child, has been all day in a state of nervous excitement ar.d apprehension as to the possibil ities attending the discharge of such an unwonted monster as the eighty-one ton gun, with its 370 pounds of powder, and its three-quarters of a ton shot, "lhere was real Iv some ground for alarm because the gun docs not stand wilh the rest of the guns at this school of gunnerv,'but is placed on the beach close to the barracks and its contiguous thoroughfares, and barely fifty yards in front of a rather extensive block ot soldiers cottages and no one could say what effect the concuswon might have upon adjacent buildings, while some ot the more 'timid began to speculate even on the contingency of the gun bursting and scattering its fragments like hail upon the devoted colony. The breaking of windows and crockery had been a foregone conclusion, ar.d, yesterday, a Sergeant partv went round proclaiming, with the

sound

of tl»e trumpet at the street corners, that from 10 o'clock till five to-day, to-morrow, and 1' riday, people who were wise would leave their windows and doors open as some sort of precaution agaiust the expected disturbances of the atmosphere by violent explosions. The inhabitants were given tf) understand likewise that if, notwith standing their caution and care, damage should be done, it would be made good of the public funds, but these warnings and promises

did

v. &

not tend to allay the

popular disquiet and apprehension. It certainly appeared as

if

all the inhabitants

were out of doors ::ome of the shopkeep crs, as an extra precaution, shut up their shops entirely, and everybody seemed to bedrawn to the spot, where the terrible giant lay. Theie were not many strati gers were present, lor Shoeburyness is tar removed from populous places, and difficult of access, the nearest railway station being that at Southenu, four or live miles distant. The officials in attendance were those who have been associated with the gun in its earlier trials.

The trials were to have begun at 10 o'clock, but it was two hours later before the order was given to make ready, he loading apparatus worked admirably under the

control

of about a dozen artillery­

men, and the time required to tun the shot and cartridge do .vn from the maga zine and to ram both home down the muzzle of the gun was barely five minutes. The loading carriage and derrick were then drawn under the chase or barrel ofthe gun, the fire-buffers of the gun carriage having been removed in order to gain more space, the electric tube was inserted, and the bugle sounded to prepare for action. The extremely cautious betook themselves to safe distances, every one gave the gun a wide berth, and most of the spectators gazed out seaward, in the hope of catching sight of the wonderful projectile in its flight. 1 he gun, through an alteration in the programme was laid at an angle of seven degrees, by which the muzzle was to some extent elevated, and about 6,000 yards away was a range party, consisting ol halt a dozen gunners in a wagon and two mounted seageants in charge, were posted to keep observations and signals by flags to the firing point. An admiralty tug was said to be engaged in

warning

intruders lrom the

dangeious ground, but she was not to be discerned among the many vessels which crowded the horizon, and contributed

something

of hazard to the day's

experiments, 'lhere was no target to lake aim at, but a straight range had been pegged out for four miles, and the tramping of ho semen had made the pjith of the shot very legible for some distance. The bugle sl nded the order of fire, an officer in the instrument room touched a stud, the crash came, and then the 1,700 pound shot was clearly seen cleaving its way through the air to an attitude of apparently several liurdi ed yards then descending and diminishing until lost to view, until, after what seemed tt long interval, it struck tiie earth, throwing up a volcano of mud and water, and bounding on again, to tall and bury itself with another splash lar beyond. It was afterward reported that the shot made its first contact at a distance of 4,687 yards, and that the ricochet carried it about as far again. The next consideration was the gun, and how had the carriage withstood the unaccustomed strain consequent on the higher elevation. Both gun and carriage were in perfect condition, and then came a question as t* what had been the consequences of the must atmospheric disturbance. An officer went round to take an inventory of the damages, and the soldiers' wives came about him with dismal records of broken windows and shattered celings. Mostol the cottages along the sea front has one or two broken panes of glass, several had their roo.v.s littered with plaster from the walls and ceilngs, and one or two had their window-sashes blown completely out, but the most remarkable effects were manifested a greater distance. Tne plate-glass window of Mr. Cause, grocer opposite Mr. Kirkwood's canteen, fully 500 yards from the gun, was utterly destroyed, and tne glass, a quarter of an inch thick, scattered- about the road. The barrack gate was burst open and its lock broken, several .sashes had vanishsd, and there were bioken windows in every street. Each subsequent round added something to the damage, but the greatest mischief was necessarily done at the first discharge. Four other rounds were fired at the same elevation, namely, seven degrees, and each shot fell within a few feet of the same distance, two appearing to bury themselves at once, and the other two bounding after No. 1, into the German Ocean. The gun was then depressed to an angle of only one degree, and two shots were sent skimming over the water, making 'ducks and drakes' several times before they disappeared. The second was observed splashing up foam at a distance of 11,500 yards, or nearly seven miles from the shore, and as the 'twist' in the projectile gave it a constant tendency to the right, it seemed to get ur.plesantly near to some shadowy looking steamers in the hazy distance. It was consequently somewhat of a relief to a portion of the

IS THERE SUCH A WORLD

COLOGNE.

CitST

Dit.

THE TERRE HATJTETWEEKLY GAZETTE.

spectators when the order was given to cease firing for the day. The gun, carriage, and all the arrangements Cor the firing stood the test well, the only defect being a slight depression in the recoil line after the fourth round but this proved of no disadvantage.''

The Planet That is Supposed to

Wander Near the Sun.

From the Kofnische Zeitnng. The report has run through a number of German and foreign newspapers, recently, that the often conjectured planet within the path of Mercury, had been seen on April 4th, in three different places—Munster, Zurich, and Athens and that consequently its existence had, been firmly established. In order to check further circulation of this report, which rests on a misapprehension, I venture to comSnunicate the actual facts.

Leverrier?in Paris had determined, years ago, for reasons which it is not ne cessary to staSe further here, on the existence of a placet standing nearer* the sun than Mercury, and a French physician, Lescarbault."on March 26, 1S59, -ctuallv saw a round "black point 011 the sun's disc, which was taken to be the planet in question. Although other observers likewise had occasionally in earlier years, seen such dark circular spots on the sun's disc, and Prof. Wcflf, of Zurich, was able to bring the most trustworthy of these observations into agreement by giving the supposed planet a period of revolution of Irom twenty-one to forty-two days still the question remains undetermined, because the planet has since been sought lbr*in vain, even on occasion of total eclipses of the sun.

In the beginning of August, this year, I received from one of my correspondents, Ilerr Weber, in Pekcloh, for many years a watchful observer ofthe sun. a report in the usual form on his observations of spots on the sun in the months ot April and May, and in that report the truth is found which has served as the starting point for the numerous contused newspaper reports' In the forenoon of April 4 I lerr Weber found the sun sp'U less in the afternoon the sky wa troubled, but between 4 and 5 o'clock the sun broke through for 20 or 25 minutes TlrC observer at once seized the oppor tunitv, and examined the sun's disk again without soeing traces of spots. "Suddenly, he writes, "there appeared to my vis ion a rounded disk of alxuit 12 seconds in projection. It stood 11 seconds time removed from the eastern border ot the sun. Still, I had time to examine the nearest circumference of the spot more closely, but there was nowhere a slight streak or flame, nor cloud of va tood out from the sun, but the little disk alone. I thought immediately of the discovery, which Lcscarbanlt thought he had made, but in which until that moaient 1 had but little faith. The thing could have been easily determined if the sun had remained perfectly clear few minutes longer. But I was obliged to leave it undecided. On the morning of April 5, I renewed my observations, but could'not find the little spot again, notwithstanding my earnest searches." Such are the facts of the observation.

After I had allowed the foregoing to be printed iu No. 34 ofthe Weekly Bui letin of Astronomy, Prof. Wolf, of Zu rich, wrote to me that he had found the sun free fro"-: ^oots on the morning of April 4, an-' -hat ro oV'ock in the morning of th 1 .rector Schmidt, in Athens, had perceived 110 spot. By this, however, the correctness of Weber was not contradicted, but it was rather sustained, as it is improbable that a spot of that size could have been sound in several hours, at a time when the sun has a minimum of spots. Prof. Wolf remarked also in his note that the spot observed by Weber had been seen 148* 42 02 days later than that seen by Lescarbault. If both spots were reallv the passing over of an intramecurial planet it must in the interval have accomplished 14S revolutions each 0142 02 duration. It could be sincerely wished that on the afternoon of April 4th, about 4 or 5 o'cloc k, an astronomer had by chance observed the sun's disc and been favored by the weather. Unfortunately such was not the case. With relation to the intramercurial planet, a certainty has not been ittained. and the report that it was seen at the same time in Munster, Athens and Zurich, is deprived of all foundation, notwithstan ling its having been, as noticed, announced by Leverrier to the Paris Academy.

HERMAN I. KLEIN.

Ills

BANK CHECK.

As a colored man was walking out to the postoffice yesterday morning with proud step, having just been handed a letter at the general window, he was overhaul by a brush boy in a barber shop, who called out: '•So de tailor has sent in his bill—yi yi!' "Boy said the other in a lofty tone— "boy I is-expecting a check from Toledo.' 'And it'sin a etter, eh?" "Dat's de suppersition, my son."'

I'll wait and scr,' chuckled the young ster, and he stood beside the other when the envolope was torn open and a handluil of election slips were taken out.

Gwine to nit dat check cashed right awav sneered the bov. "Bub, you area small chile yet, answered the other, "an it would he frowing time away to splain to you dat dese slips always come one day ahead ob de checks on de bank.

When you is a few veahs older you's know fur more."— [Detroit Free Press

HAD BEEN THERE.

Yesterday as a pale-faced, hollow-eyed man was walking along Woodward avenue, useing a cane to suppert his feeble steps, a pedestrian halted him, reached out his hand and said: "Why,Tom,is this you?" "Yes, it's me." was the mournful reply. "Aud what's the matter?" "I'm all run down and I've lost my place." "Lost it How Been discharged? "Yes,"sadly replied the poor man. "I'm iookmg for a job now. "I know of a coal dealer who wants a driver, "suggested the friend. "No good—no good with a mourn ful shaks ofthe head. "I've been to twoor three, and as soon as they found that my weight was down to one hundred ruid twenty pounds they turned right a way from me. Coal is down, you know, and they have to make it up in the weight ofthe driver.

1

A SMART BOOK-KEEPER. :From the Atlanta Constitution.) We asked Amos ho v.- his boy wits get ting along at school. "Pleg take dat boy: I done tuck him awav from dat skool V' "Why, what for "Uh 0I1! he was gettin' mos' to smart down dar wid dat book lamin. Twon't do fer some niggers to be edgikated." "Why not, Amos?" "Well, sail, jess take dat boy frinstancet I put dat boy to keep books fer me, 'bout de sellin' ob de gyarding truck dis summer. Well, sah, he jess ritdown charges dar in de bcok fer all de truck dat I took out de gyarding an' charges fer ail dat 1 sole, and charges fer all dat we eat in de house, an' den credit himself wid de little 'monnts dat I let him hab long at odd 'casions, an' den he go an' add dem all up an' struck er balance, he say!" "And how did you come out?" "Come out?" Fore the Lord Master, didn't come out at all! Dat boy done stuck me fer 'bout thutty-nbe dollars, 'sides his wages as de book keepah—now dat's what the figures sed!'' "Well, what did von doi" "I jess burn up dat book right dar. an' den 'scharge de book-keepah and hire him ober agin to saw wood for his horde and close!" "You did?" "Yes, sah, I did dat! Why boss, if cat boy had kept dat book on me till now, he'd done own dat ho^:so an' gyardin patch, an' bin. chargin' me an' his ole mammy fer bed an' bred! I tell yer dis hyar book-larnin' is ruinin' dis young breed ob niggers—'tis, shore!"

A HORRIBLE MYSTERY. [From the Iron County Kegister.] On last Sunday afternoon the town of Arcadia was horrified by the finding ot the remains of a man who had either been murdered or committed suicide. 15. F. Reynolds, Esq., while walking for exercise and pleasure on the eastern slope of Lewis mountain, just southwest of town, came across some clothing, a partially decayed valise, and other things, which excited his curiosity. Upon further examination he also discovered a few hones, entirely denuded of flesh, and broken in such a manner as to indicate that hogs or dogs had devoured the body. The jaw-bone was found close by. which settled beyond a doubt the question of human identity. Then a strap was found upon a four-inch -apling overhanging a rock adjusted in such a peculiar manner as to indicate that the deceased had hung himself, lie evidently stood upon the rock, which was about four feet high, until the strap was adjusted about his neck, when he completed hisselt-de-struction by dropping his feet ever the ledge. The outer clothes of the dead man were found close In carefully folded up. They consisted of a black cloth overcoat, a coat, vest, «S:c. His hat was also found hanging 011 a bush near by, and the lower part of one hoot wiih some of the hones of the foot inside, was picked up some distance off. The clothing was such as to indicate that the wearer was ofthe higher walks of life. A pistol (English make) and a dagger were also found in the valise, together with a pocket-book containing money of the following denominatisns A two-dellar bill, three silver halfdollars. a silver half-diinc and a nickel. An inquest was held at the court-house on Monday, and a verdict in accordance with the above facts rendered. The few bones were properly interred at the expense ofthe county.

No pipers, such as could lead to the identity of the deceased, were found, and this is one ofthe suspicious circumstances of the case. If it was a suicide, it is not likelv the dead man would have taken such precaution to conceal his identity, while if he was murdered, and afterwards hung to divert suspicion and mislead, of course all papers which could lead to the discovery of the deceased would naturally have been carefully removed and destroyed. It is supposed, from several appearances, that he was a resident ot some Southern state, and in good circumstances—may be, a Texas cattle-dealer

GIDEON GRANGER'S INVESTIGATION It is within the last century that Newark has taken a leap forward anil multiplied her population at least fourteen limes. The same period has wrought the change in the facilitis for communication with New York. The nine-mile ror.d was a little more than a protracted pile of

logs

aud stones, and the only public conveyance was a huge, unwieldy vehicle with a ling body hung upoa iron jacks. The stagecoach carried the mail. During the Postmaster-Generalship of Gideon Granger, sjcrious irregularities occurred in the distribution of letters and as the b..iisness was not yet systematized, with its agents detective's, ect, he determined to travel in disguise over his mail routs, in order to discover what contractor was remits in the performance of his obligation. General Cumming, the New Jersey mail contractor, was privately informed of the movements of his superior by a friend in 'he General Post-office, and instructed his npgro driver how to proceed when he should happen to have a passenger answering to a certain dccription. Not long after, Granger entered the stage at Powles Hook (now Jersey City), ana Sambo, with a wise countcnanee, mounted to his seat, und gathering up his reincs, gave his horses a tremendous crack of his long whip. Away they bounded with fearful celerity over the corcuroy road.

Presently Granger put his head through the window and requested the driver to ko slower. Can not do it. Sir drive the United States mail, "was the reply, accompanied by another crack of the whip over the heads of the leaders.

Again and again did Granger and im plore the obdurate darkey to moderate his speed, and every time came the response. Can not do it, Sir I drive the Unted States mail," with renewed application of the whip- Grange rdid not recover from the bruises ofhis John Glipen nde for weeks, and wa quite satisfied that one contract was honestly fufilled.

The two cities are now connected by four railroads, over which one hundred and two regular passenger trains pass each way daily. The people,of Newark can, at eight o'clock in the morning, take their choice of eight railroad traines which will leave for New York within threequarters of an hour.—MARTHA J. LAMB in Harper's Magazine for October.

CHRISTIAN SUNDAY SCHOOL An effort was made last Sunday by Rev. Peal and others to change the hour of holding the school from morning to afternoon. It was thought by him that in the short winter morning it would be more convenient for the he scholars to come in the afternoon. The matter was put to vote and, it seems, the school thought differently as the scheme was defeated.

lf»l-

Ml

A REMARKABLE DUN.

How a Hard-Us Jndiana Man Collects His Bills.

A business man in New Carlisle, Ind., has issued a circular letter to his creditors couched in the following terms

My Dear Sir—T want to ask you a plain (jpestion in all kindness and sincerity, and I would like tf) have yo.i answer it honestly and candk'lv, not in two or three years and months, but now, this week. Supposing you were as poor as Job's turkey, and had invested $2,000 or $3,000 in an enterprise which you designed to make an exclusively cash business supposing, as a matter of accommodation and good nature, you had trusted it out all over the country from hell to Jericho supposing you bad kept adding to your means and still putting it on the hooks for a few days until your fund. were played out, like old Foot's prayer meeting supposing you had claims against you- in the hands of business men who had accommodated von in good faith and heeded their money supposing you had some pride in you, and meant to be square toed and punctual, and hated t£ see the man you owed when you didn't have the legal tender in your trowsers to pay his just and lawful demands, worse than vou would to see an Indian or the devil, and suppose those whom you had accommodated felt perfectly easy and contented, shied the track when you went to see them, and told the wife of their bosom to answer "not at home," or come into town and left without even paying a part sup posing they held your money and waited patiently for wheat to come up to ninety cents or $1, or pork to bring $5 or $6 a hundred, what would you do? Would you let your debtors go and smile and smile and bL' a villain, or would you sue every mother's son of them that did not pay. If it was the last thing you did in town? li" you were an honest man you would do the latter, and that's just what I shall be compelled to do if the Lord is God or there is a king in Israel. I don't want money to look at I can earn enough for that don't want any to salt down (I never could make it keep) but out 01 several thousands trusted out I humbly want a few hundreds, and I'll be d—d if I won't have it or an execution returned nulla bona. I love you myself as a mother loves her first-born, but I love to pay my debts better than I love any man, woman or child on the face of God Almighty's green earth, and by the Great Jehovah and the Continental Congress I propose to do it, if I have to make costs lor every man in Olive township or in St. Joseph's countv owing me. Now let 11s have the "spoindulix" and sec how sweet and pretty I can smile upon you. Yours, courteously.

"IS A PAINT MULE A HOSS? [San Antonio Herald.] Nothing is more remarkable than the facility with which the colored population become acquainted with the tivms of law, and the practical management of a case in court. There was a striking illustration of this fact in the recorder's court this morning. The prisoner was accused of riding across one of the bridges in a gait faster than a walk, and the proof was that he galloped a paint mule over tiie Houston street bridge He managed his own case.

His honor said, "I think I'll have to fine you, Johnsing," "May I ax ver a few questions "You may." "Ioii't thar a sign over dat bridge warning people how dey must ride "There is. an 1 that makes you all the more guilty." "It does, does it? Now. Mr. Recorder, is dat sign wiiat I has to go bv Is dat de law "It is." "Wei, den, dat sign reads,'Walk your horse or you will be fined.' Don't it don't it boss "Itdoes. Tohnsing." "Well, the proof is I was gallopin'a paint mule, wasn't it, boss "Y-e-s, 1 believe so," replied his honor beginning to smell a rat. "Now, if vour honoris willing to admit dat a paint mule ain't no hoss. I'll rest de case heah, becase you seede law is I shall walk my hoss, and as it was a paint mule, dat is fatal to ihe indictment. You is a lawyer, and you ought, to know dem pints most as well as mvself.', "Recorder—"Ahem! for the purpose of this suit, Johnsing, I'll regard that paint mule as a hoss."

Prisoner—"Your honor will please note my 'ception. I jess wants to make one more pint. Allowin', for the sake of argument, dat a paint mule is a hoss design roads: "Walk your hoss.,, Now I has de witnesses here in court to prove dat paint mule hoss was not my hoss at all. De law say walk your hoss."

Recorder—"I'll fine you $to, Johnsing." Aud as

Johnsing was conducted to the

lock-up he expressed great sympathy for the taxpayers, as he intended to bring a, suit for $100,Soo damages for false imprisonment. Ho is now, however, at work 011 the streets.

HE WORST BOY.

The worst boy is supposed to live in Richmond, Va. He directed a colored hay man to empty his two-ton load iu ih.: back vard of an old lady who was doad. He claimed that the old ladv was his mother-in.'aw. The load of hiv was emptied in her back-yard, and wnen tne driver came to the front door to ask the old lady for his pay she looked upon him with a visage like a thunder-cloud. She called him an iinposter and accused him of imposing upon an old .ir.d lonely female. He showed her the load of hay in her back yard. She told him to take it awav, and remarked that darkies were bigger fools now than ever. The darky worked two hours, got his load back is his cart, and soliloquized thusly: "Nig rers is called fools. I b'lieve dey are in giner'li but cf a man or boy ever catch dis hav goin' oui'n dis cart before de backabiliii-'S is put down, den dis nigger gwine 'vaporate

ANNUAL MEETING.

San Francisco, Oct.

31.

12.—The

Stock­

holders of Nevada bank, had their annual meeting yesterday, and re-elected old officers. The proposition to increase the capital from five to ten million, unanimously carried, and shortly after, Flood & Obrien drew their check for full amount of increase. ,' vjs |N HOC.

New York, Oct.

12.—E.

A.

V*

Making A

YOU CAM'T BE 70 CAREFUL ABQUT !T.

If John Smith a rich New Yorket and desires to leave things in goxl shape for his wife and children, he will make a will. If John Smith is a sensible man he will not rush off to a lawyer's and have a will drawn up without giving an houi to reflection, lie will sit down where ht can rest his back, elevate his feet on a direct line with his chin, and he will give his whole sole to the subjtct of will making for at least a month. If, at the end of or.e month, his soul h.tsr.'t got the particulars down fine, John Smith will devote another four weeks to it. A will should cover every possible contingency and provide for every possible emergency.

Nearly all men who leave wealth and relatives behind them are supposed to have been laboring under a freak of insanity when they dictated their wills. If they hadn't left un^y cash or real estate, their score of relatives would have voted them mentally sound as a brick. A rich man should begin about a year in advancs of the date of his will to show by his actions that lie is perfectly sar.e. He shouldn't carry an umbrella over his right shoulder for people to jab their eyes against. That trick is enough to stamp any man as out of his right mind-

He shouldn't iold his hands under his coat tails, leaving his cane sticking out behind as long as a giraffe's front leg for pedestrians to fall over. When you see a man do that you can safely write him down as a lunatic. I Ie must not shove a quarter into the fare box of a one-horse car and wait for some hidden piece of machinery to tip him back twenty cent* in change, nor must he cuss and take on at the driver for not telling hitn better. Several rich men have done that thing, and several hundred relatives have jotted down date, name, locality and surrounding incidents, and are only waiting for them to die to prove how insane they were. The rich man who really desires to leave a cast-iron will to be admitted to probate will not stand in the centre of the walk, legs'braced out to cover six feet of the public way, and: then and there procee. 1 to argue that Daniel Drew ought to have been born on the Fourth oi' July, or that George Francis Train can never secure the Presidential nomination. As hurrying pedestrians bump up against him they will call him a fool, and as soon as he breathes his last his relatives will make affidavit that he had softening of the brain years before his lamentable taking off.

John Smith might theorize thusly as he theorized over his will: "If there are no relatives there will be no one to contest mv will." Then arises the query: "How will I get rid of my relatives?" There is the pistol? knife, poison, strangulation, and the old and respected Turkish method of bagging up an obnoxious person and dumping him into the water. Anv rich man, by taking time and observing caution, can rid himself of relatives and escape suspicion. Brothers can be, ci.ticed to New York at midnight. Old maid sisters can be nicely dispatched by mixing poison with their hair oil or face powder. They wil' linger a'ong, perhaps, for months, but th( longer they linger the loss they feel liki taking the "bread from fatherless children' mouths. An old nyud sister with a cutaneous eruption is warranted to be perfectly docile in any climate, and to attenc to her own business under all circumstan ces. Uncles and aunt nephews ano cousins can be made dreadful sick by a bag of strichninc hung in the well. The wife's relations may be sent off on a crowded steamboat excursion. Pick out some boat expected to carry fifteen hundred, wait till the captain permits three thousand to walk aboard, and then conduct the said relative over the gang-plank and bid »hem a fond goodbye. They may return all right once or twice, but time will fetch 'em.

John Smith, having (v -d the way for a clear field, will have will drawn. To r'j dispel any lingering doubt as to his sanity he will avoid the usual form of drafting wills, and have his start off with:— "Know ye everybody that, having disposed of all my relatives by the air lifle road, and having just made affidavit that my head is level and my physical health good, I hereby will, bequeath and :'4, devise to my beloved wife and children the following described onehorse wagon, bad debts, garden truck and cash in bank."

Several years of careful observation, added to the months of hunting up con-' tested will cases, has posted tSe Telegram man as to what may be sworn to as evidence of insanity in a will case. VVhere there are only a few thousand dollars left it is sufficient for one or two to testify that th deceased ahva insisted on eating with a knife, and that he would get up at midnight to eat baked 2 beans and custard pic. Where there is a large amou::t at stake the following described actions if well sworn to, will not onlv break the will, but leave the memory of the deceased out in the cold:

Abstaining from political d^cussions in stages and stfeet cart. Attending award caucus t' inate an honest Alderman

Going out of his way to repoi nice to the Board of Ileakl Turning a street eewwer at""a slow pace and th-jrebi preventing a collision.

Paying gas and water bills without swearing that he is being deliberately robbed by a soulless corporation.

Listening t' a story related by some well known liar without feeling a ire :.i if I! one to beat it.

Meeting an old acquaintance without -iski-ig him to take a ink. Enduring winter without finding ftult with the cold, and walking peacefully around in the summer without cur- iog the he-it.

John Smith should make a will, if he has the good of his family at heart but John Smith can't be too careful about it. When relatives swear that a dead .nsk was a fool or a lunatic outside don't cart to dispute them.

ODD NOTES.

Ir »ou want to make sure of a low-bred cur biting you pat him a good ueal and fr

be generafty good to him. Sootier or later he'll bifc you sure. A large Centennial party who visited the White House the other day,asked to be shown "the kitchen where the President cooks." Upon being told that it was pri-

Wood- vate, a slabsided, ah rill-voiced female ex-

ward arrived to-day from Chicago, and claimed: "I guess it belongsto the Uni'ed was committed to the tombs, wh. re he

States,

will await trial on charge of forgery iienion-i ."'d that mr r.CMO.-n.. ii0 Tiiere are five indictments. have JUJne pr*v»e^ 'Otonvacy.

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