Bloomington Telephone, Volume 15, Bloomington, Monroe County, 8 December 1893 — Page 2

7 -'ivsmrs

INDIANA

Wit AND KUMOR. Best place for a boil In the tea ketpkta oato Buiktiru 'frith .nationality wouldn't stand founded on a sham-i-ock. PUtsOurg

"Do yoa think HI ge iHstlco"" O, o. Yoo're all right. They'll acquit Al(iriDacn.wjdoen1t know how to Yen a newspaper has been discovered in IWraska. Inquirer. We live ao fast nowadays that it Iteeps the recording angel busy putting -down "breaks. Brooklyn Magazine. Lel ns learn iSxnch Gbslin. What -do too sayf JQMnrt do it, Dolley; Harper's

Tbiro fcaidly any roan so friendless la this world that be basn1t at least one friend wdy to -toil jhii his faults.

:-'; U Te by what is (wiione

fattier kickeri-w tne ponu-

;r :,:r;::;. Ctonw tike men X alone, but they y get together.

An dxebanee exclaims: "In these

of roi7 niaft most bare lost Wimmab TjjmtiP At any

4: Irate be tK&Bfe to loee v balance.

- 6 - ,

see

vDeeptone's

nt9s . uBiruie.

smartest niAn on earth

SHS fa liable to make fool of himself once1 Ml ttrre Haute Express.

WfWlJWanOMi ciassniaie;

did' he?" feIvYou don't

ivp- patience!" -

imam nmu Jiooa ore aarce-

MEM U ttCII

rot tni3

if . -51

vi- v:..

mora

yoa are aciJxa,bslev He

ftourslie sure-

imuUcu 1 erre

u use an

W-Farco-

repaid, of

arc so

risiliriskly)

ojut; tin top "tor finoYtra:

tfiejrtil'- Wy corresMtfbty.' largo.

Why in

ttinbook?" Pro-

t man who

bis life than

clothes1

Jn love?"

writer ol

.JjScr is married

ffed -Yes,

fciliiatiHg'' circuni-

:as the

tLrLn

r. Tell them

(to

TUatV the

work for. Dl

ir Minneapolis

?tAti$e all, Mr.

advantage of

'ftlJ'. . ifc. ' 1 : i a. L

-O, a great 4a4 ana mar

i-is an in-

DARIUS'S SECRET.

BY HELEN "WHITNEY CLARK, Home Queen.

KM:

yon say

ncrb other in

iny child.1

tfey tliat you're

yuaiuina. wiien

want to see?1'

; the house I wonder

IP? Wrsfc. FangJe ii-the JaJy a

atV'. -.:'.-:t"v V

tfP'i:Ue made

think you

ill X setMU

fofe -tmmP'r Jlenfdense-

trftitite was that

of a Western

local paper

an honest man; jhier Was one of intUUsectioa1

tft help it if

M p t get the

rena you arc

i$d a Int wiil

miBRaU iir an

.aa? wsforra he

Wkut name,

I could see as plain as the nose on my face that there was sometbin hefty a-weighin' on Darius's mind. He wa'nt exactly fractious, but 'peared like it didn't take nothin skeercely to irritate him. After the chores was done of a mornin' or even in he would set in the chimley corner, an' sort o' study about suthin and wrinkle up his furrid, fur a hour at a time, 'stid of reading his paper, or figurin1 on his accounts, sensible like. An it wanJt a grain o1 use to talk to him, or ask him nothing 'cause like enough if yoirdid, he would answer yes or no, permiscus. So at last I couldn't stand it no longer. I begun to git f keered fur fear he was takin' softenin of the brains or suthin' that-away. And one night I spoke right out. "Whatever does ail you, Darius?" says I. "Hey?" says he. "Nothin' donJt ail me. What should ail me, I'd like to know, Nancy?" "That's what I'd like to know, says I. "There youve sot fur the last half-hour seowlio' and fling-in' your arms about like you was flailin' oats or frightenin1 bumble-bees. An' I should love to know what it means," says I. "Fiddlesticks! It's only your notion. You're as full of notions as an aig is full of meat," says he. "I haint," says I. "You've been actin' quare an' absent-minded for a week or more. I 'lowed 'twould wear oflf, but it don't. 'Pears like you got quarer an' absent-mindeder every day of your life. It fairly gives me the nerves to see you settin' there a squinting down your nose, and never savin' nothin1 to nobuddy, nor nobuddy to nothin. I think ycu might say something wunt in a while." "All right, Nancy," says he, "What do you want me to say?" New I leave it to you if that wan't enough to purvoke a saint? It did me, anrhow. "If I've got to put the words in your mouth," says I, "you may as well hold your tongue." An' he suttled back in his cheer agin, an 'twant long afore he was a-iroin1 on in the same ole way, grinning like a baby one minute, an' scowlin' like sin the next. "I give it up," says I to myself, an' I tried to think whether he had eat anything lately that could of give him the digestion. Fur there was sarting somehin' the matter of him; but I couldn't think of nothin', without 'twas baked beans. They say them does set heavy on a buddy's stummick sometimes, an' we had been havin' 'em three times a day, fur a week or so. So I 'lowed he might be a sort o' biliousy, an1 I made him a bowl of yurb'tea, but he wouldn't tetch it. "Wait till I get sick, afore you begin doctorin'," says he. "A ounce of prevention is worth a pound o' cure," says I. "Don't keer if it tfs," says he, "I ain't agoin' to swatler no doctors stuff till Fm laid up on the flat o' my back, an' can't help myself." Nor he wouldn't hear to nothiu' I could say. In general he is the mildest an' obliginest of men, but once he planks down his foot you mout as well try to move a mountain as him. So he kep' agoin1 on, like he had; an I. set it down to mental aboration, as the doctors say. But at last he kind o' changed, an 'stid of scowlin an'clawin' thea!r, he would set an chuckle to hisself, like he was powerful tickled at suthin', an' I begun to hev some hopes that he was a-gitting lucent agin. It was drawin pretty nigh to Christmas times, an' thinkses I, "Darius will oe sartin to give me suthin' or other that I don't want, like he most alius does." So thinkses I, 4 Til give him a hint that a new shawl would be the most acceptable rift he could buy me." But 'peared like he wouldn't take no hints. "Looks like ther was a heap 'o wear in 0 at 'un you've got," savs he. "Bit it's so fady," says 'I . "You must dye it," savs he, "Dimon dye would make it as good as new." An' thinkses T, "there's none so blind as them that won't see." We was settin' out to church, an' he begun grumblin' about his hangkichers. "They look like the last o' p?atime," says he. But I was miffed at the way he tret my hint about the shawl. "If yctu need newhangkichers, why don't you buy 'em?" sys I. An' he snorted right ou1; at that. ''Must think I ra made of money," saw he.

:So we jogged on the balance o' the way as mum as a mouse in a mealchest. But next morning Darius was as glib as ever. "What do you say to goin' to town today, Nancy,?" says he. ' Looks like we mout hev faliin' weather in a few days, an' there's that barrel o' crowt an' them Baldin1 apples I could take along. There's alius a good sale fur 'em just afore Christmas." "Fm agreeable," says I. I had sot my heart on buying a real nice present for Darius, an' had saved up all my turkey money a puppose. An' besides, I cack Hated to buy me a new bunnit. I had wore my ole one five or six year, an' 'peared like 'twas gitting sorter out o style. An I wanted a new one to wear to the donation party at the parsonage Christmas night. "We want to buy some gimcracks fur your brother Lyman's chaps, too," says Darius. So we went, an' while Darius was sellin' his crowt an' Bald in apples on Broadway Market, I hustled off to a Millinery Store an' picked me out a bunnit, a nice black one with snuff colored ribbins that would be durable an not show dirt. An' after the milliner had done it up in a bran new green ban' box with paper wrapped round it I spied a nice, silver plated powder tlask in a shop1 winder. "That'll be jest the thing fur Darius," says I. So I stopped in an' asked the clerk what he would take fur it. "I want it fur a Christmas present for my ole man," says I. An' he smiled real good natured an! said 'twas three dollars. I nearly screamed at the idee of payin' so much for a Christmas gift. But he said 'twas already tilled an' I couldn't find nothin1 1 wanted any cheaper, so I tuk it an' hustled round to where I'd promised to meet Darius. I come on him sort of onexpected an1 ketched him stuflin' away a bundle under the wagon seat. But I never let on. an' he showed me some candy aigs, an' a tin wagon, an' a couple o' Jack-in-the-boxes he had bouirht for brother Lyman's youngsters. Next day was Christmas, an' he couldn't wait till after breakfast afore he showed me my present. "I had a time of it, studyin' what to give you," says he, "an' that's why I couldn't tell what ailed me that time you wanted to dose me with yarb tea. So at last it popped into my head to go to town to one o? them big stores' an' git the woman clerk to pick it out for me. An here's what 'tis." An' he handed me the passel I had saw him stuffin' away under the wagon seat. "Ain't it a stunner?" says he when I had ondid the paper. An' I should say it was a stunner; anyhow it came nigh stunting me. Fur if you'll believe my word, instid of a nice durable shawl like I wanted, it was a blue chanv-silk tea-gownd, real baby-blue at that, truni up the front with swan-down, an' with a trail half a yard long ! An' the waist looked like it wouldn't medgure a grain over nineteen inches round. "Sakes alive, Darius Doolittle!" says I. "how do you reckon Fin agoin' to squeeze into that air buddy?" "Ain't it big enough?" says he. "I swan to Peter I never thunk o' that! Mebbe you could let suthin' out." "Ain't nothin' to let out." says I, "an' if there was 1 couldn't wear it." "Hey? Couldn't wear it? Why not?" says he, gapin' with wonder. " 'Cause I couldn't," says I. "It's too fine." "Fiddlesticks! 'Taint neither," says he. "Nothin's too fine fur my wife." "I couldn't never wear it,' says I, "evea if 'twas big enough; but it aint. I should be a laughing stalk. When a woman gets to be forty odd an' weighs nigh on to two hundred pounds, with a blowsy face and gray streaks in her hair, she wants to dress sort of approbrious. She don't want to wear baby blue an look as sajler as coffee," says I. "Well, if you can't you can't, I reckon," says Darius, "but it's a burnin' shame, fur I give ten dollars fur that frock. The. price was fifteen, the woman clerk said; but bein' 'twas made to order an' was a misfit, she let me have it fur ten." "Lawful sakes!" says I. "You'll scratch a poor man's back all your life, I'm afeared, Darius Doolittle, if you don't iarn to be more e uinoxiai. But 'taint no use cryin1 ov -r spilt milk," says 1, "an' me.be I kin change it fur somthin' sensible. An' here's what I bought fur you," says I, handin' it out. I 'spectod he would almost caper, he'd be so tickled; but he didn't do nothin' of the kind. He stood stock still fur a minute, like he' been turned to marble statter, an' then he fairly snorted. "What under the canopy do you reckon I want of a likker flask?" says he, "an' me a strong prohibitioner?" An' it flashed over me all of a suddint that I'd made a mistake. Sich a awful mistake, too; it fairly staggered me en' I come nigh sheddin tears. "It's a I thought it was a powder flask," says I. "I thought it would look nicer than that old cow horn o' vouru. And it's full o' gunpowder, too." "I should siv 'twfcs gunpowder," FavH he. van kin' off the stopper. ' Take a snift o' that wuust," and he belt it under my nose. An' bh?ss you 'f 'twan't the strongest likker I ever smelt. It pretty uigh keeled m over. I felt powerful decomposed, but Darius was real tickled when he

found I'd made a mess of it as well as him. "We're both in the same box, Nancy." says he. "What's sass fur the goose is sass fur the gander, an' you cant' jaw me about that tea gownd." "I hadn't no idee of jawin'," says I. as stiff as a poker. An' next day we went to town an' changed the pocket-flask fur a walking stick, an' the tea-gownd fur a blanket shawl an' half a dozen men s hangkirchers." But the story lek out some way or other, Darius couldn't keep it, I reckon, an' we like to o' never heared the last of it. An' only t'other day I got a letter from sister Sophrony, that lives out on Duck Crick, a-sayin' she had heared Darius had tuck to drinkin' an' had to be brung home on a wheelborrow, with his hugs and arms a-haugin' over the sides. Did you ever hear the beat ol that? A SUDDEN RECOVERY. The Viflitor Frightened the Pretender Into Lively Health. The doctor of a hospital ship complained to a visitor of a lazy colored man whom he could do nothing with. "We don't like to throw the rascal out, but it is easily seen he is only shamming. He finds, no doubt, his present quarters too pleasant, no work and plenty to eat. I wish I could get clear of the fellow without creating a disturbance," quotes Tid Bits. "Well, doctor," said the visitor, after a little reflection, "lend me a few yards of string, and that nigger will be miles away before night " "You don't mean to strangle him, I hope?" "Oh, no," replied the visitor. "I promise to do no injury to him." He got the twine, and, putting on a melancholy air, he went ou to the darkey's berth. "Very bad? ' he said. "Yes massa," replied Sambo, "dredful sick." The visitor made no further remark, but placed one end of the twine at his head and drew it slowly very slowly until it reached his toes. Then he measured him across the chest. The fellow looked the picture of astonishment and terror, and gasped: "What dis for?" The visitor never answered him. and was walking away, when Sambo sat bolt upright and called after him, imploring an explanation. The visitor pretended to relent, and whispered : "My poor fellow, the doctor knows you are not going to recover, and it is only an expense keeping you here without any chance of doing you good. I have just been taking your measure" here he lowered his voice still more "for a coihn. W e ll bury you with honors to-morrow; it's the custom here in a case like yours. 'Tis best for all hands, you know." No one knew how or when that nigger got clear of the hospital ship, but there was no trace of him in the

THE COBRA-STONE.

explanation of a Mysterious Let-end Aboal Snakes Current la India.

morning.

Plastic Marble. In one account of Koine the author mentions five or six slabs of elastle marble as being in possession of the Prince Borghese. iieing set on end they bend backward and forward; when laid horizontally and raised at one end they form a curve; if placed on a table and a piece of wood or any other substance is laid under them they fall into a kin I of curve, each end touching the table. The Abbe Fortis was told that they were dug up near the town of Mondragon, in the kingdom of Naples. The grain a is like fine Carrara marble, or perhaps of the finest Greek. They seem to have suffered some attack of fire. A slab of marble similar in every respect to those described, and highly polished, has beer, exhibited for more than twenty-five years in the British Museum. M. Fleuvian de Belvae succeeded in making a common granulated limestone, a granular quartz, completely flexible br exposing them to a certain degree of heat. In Lincoln Cathedral, England, there is an arch built of white marble which is quite elastic, yielding to a heavy tread and returning or rebounding to its origidal position on true elastic principles. She Needed It, London Telegraph, A middle-aged woman called at the chemists shop the other evening and asked to De served with morphine, and the assistant replied to her request with: "Is it for your husban l, madam?" "Oh, no, sir, I haven't one," "You don't think of committing suicide?" "Far from it." "What do vou want it for?" "Must I tell, sir?" "You must." "Well, then, don't you think that a woman forty years old, who has hadherfiist offer of marriage less than a year ago, naturally wants something to quiet her nerves and give her a good night's sleep?" The chemist thought so, and she got her nerve-soother. JuBt IjJktr a Man, The small son of the editor of th Western Odd Fellow, on a rcccnl visit to the Orphans' Home, insistcc upon opening a car window. After his mother and aunt had .spoken tt: him in regard to closing it, he shut it with a good deal of emphasis accompanied by the remat'K: "Uec whiz! The next time 1 go on an excursion I'll not take so many womcc along."

The cobra? are perhaps the only serpents which will eat insects. They feed on ants, grasshoppers, a variety of beetles, etc., hut seem to have a ipecial preference for tire-iiie. perhaps because the latter can he caught at night much more easily than any other kind of insect. I hare often for hours watched cobras in the grass catching the lire-flies, darting about here and there, a process which requires considerable exertion on the part of the serpent. Now. every entomologist knows that the living ianipyridis consist -entirely of males. The females, which are not very numerous, are much larger and cannot fly, as they have only rudimentary wings. They sit quietly in the grass, emitting a greenish light, which is much stronger than that of the males, and fades and hecomes brilliant at regular intervals! If a glowworm he watched for a time, a steady current of male insects will he ohservod flying toward it, and alighting in close proximity. Now it so happens that the nnjakalhi, this little pehble of chlorophane or fluor-spar, emits in the dark a greenish light which is so much like that of the female lampyris that it is an easy matter to deceive the male lire-fly with it, by setting it up as a decoy. The cobras have gradually come to take advantage of an experience made by them, accidentally, I dare say, thousands of j ears ago. It may frequently happen, for instance, that a cobra finds o.:r of these shining stones in the gravel of the dry river-beds (where they are by no means uncommon), being attracted to it by its glow at uight, and taking it for a glowworm. It would then, at anv rate, notice that the fire-flies could be caught much more easily and quickly in the neighborhood of th-it shining object than anywhere else, and would habitually return to it. Several cobras might thus come together, and there would be competition, and from this moment to ihs hnding out that success in capturing fire-flies depends on the possession of this phosphorescent pebble, and to the seizing of it in order to prevent another snake from monopolizing it, is, in my opinion, no great step, and involves no exceptional powers of reasoning. The cobra carries it abou utul some learns to treasure it4 for it aflords it an easy means of getting its living. All it has to do is to deposit the stone in the grass at uight, and the obliging insects literally ily down its throat. There are even reasons for believing that no individual experience is now necessary to cause any cobra to act in this manner, but that even a young cobra, on tiudiug such a stone, will instinctively take it up. and use it in the manner I have described. For it must be borne in mind that there is an inI.ier;.ted race memorv among the lower animals which is often far stronger than the memory gathered during the short lifetime of the individual. What causes a blind kitten to spit and put up its hack if a dog Is brought near it? It never saw a dog, neer saw anything, yet it knows there is some danger ahead. Thus the accumulated expe rience of the cobra's ancestors during countless generations now causes it to act in a manner which we refer to instinct. Such are the remarkable facts connected with the naja-kaliu. the cobra's sinning stone. Who cun tell whether the old traditions of snakes carrving piveions stones, of which we still find trucks in our fairy tales, may not have their source ia some such fact as this? I'rufetiiu)' 11, Hcnsoidt, tiu D.t in Uurptr'a Mnj't ilnc. The Penalty of Politeness. Ex-Gov. and Representative Me-(-reary of Kentucky is noted for his politeness. On one occasion he was the guest of a friend in the country. When ne sat down to supper the lady of the house asked him whether lie wished co flee or tea. 'The (lovernor replied: "Coffee, if you please, madam." His fondness for hot coffee is known to his friends, who can well imagine his feelings when the hostess informed him that the cook had neglected to warm the coffee for supper, and that it was cold. Even this information of tli? cook's neglect did not affect the Governor's politeness, and with a smile he replied: TIow fortunate, madam. Do you know, madam, that I am so eccentric as to prefer cold coffee and do net care for it in anv other wav? Your cook's neglect is good news to inc." The relief of the housekeeper can be understood as she handed Gov. MeCreary the eohVe, which he sipped with well-feigned pleasure. The weather the next day was cold and bracing. It was just such a day hs to make the heart of a coffeedrinker long for his favorite driuk. Gov. MeCrearv had forgotten the incident of the night before when he sat down to breakfast. But if it had escaped his memory it. had not that of nis hostess. "I have the coffee cold for you this morning. Governor," she said sweetly. "You see 1 remember that you said you never liked it iu any other way." The smiles on Gov. McOreaiVs face was hardly as angelic as it was the night before, but he drank the cold coffee without a murmur. It was with diflicully. however, that the other guests restrained their laughter over i lie unfortunate predicament in which the Governor had placed nmself by his politeness. A Y. Tribune. IMdu't Hit Her. One of the big ships of the British nay recently ran across a derelict lumber ship in the chan nel, and after tailing to get it in tow determined to biow it up with shells to get it it out ot the way of commerce, The great runs were bred at 1 er for a long time, but the vessel refused to be torn to pieces by the terrible missiles in a lashion that was truly mysterious until the next day when the derelict went ashore of hei own accord, and it w as found that mt one of the shells had hit her, A youth of eighteen at uaysnire, u, 1., has become insane from the excessive use of cigarettes.

NATURE'S CURE FOR UAH

VTlutt the Moxican CUtt PtdjmMI AmP- '';

Once I went with a weary, American man of Impfness to town in the tierral templad, Mexico correspondent of ih

Herald. He was all 'nerves" W

ing a cerebral life, with nerval with eyes turned inward OR He was "poorly" in niany 1 thouirh he had trreat wealth. "

planning new enterprises; Nl

build a new elevator for.liia-

the irreat lakes, and cstabliaftlf

a booniinir town of his StatA

head was full of blahs.

disturbing to him, f or the fiena

sia. racked him, anc nif troubled. He would sriadlr

as cross as he could be, but feto

sense of justice kept him frqUfrf

ing into a passton, or in aay?ji iny himself annovinarto hiaMlfi

He was a noble fellow: h4

riches by unremitting effort, an

cared for father, and motner,

ter. Hp. was accountea a

citizen" in a city where cnernrv are not rare. In fa

a leader jimonfif men. But

business." What a wretcb

can come to be! Well, we tropical town without 4

hotel, but possessing a c with a fairlv erood cook.

lono hours each dav in

flower-plauted alaraeda, hjjf

American man of affairs,

magnetized by tne sun a

came as a child in his en

all. He could sit and

loading a patient donkey hour: he enioved the t&

birds; he dozed like a tired hard stone benches in the

listened contentedly to tm

concerts by the rauuaiy;;

watched with interest the p can trirls promenading in &

of a February evening tmd$f and tranquil skies, and .b&l fileeo of the iust. r r

I watched with interest the?: tv xt. - ;'' M

uame iNUiure who uiii&iug mv friend worried about i

no longer did he re

town because it had no d

a telegraph office, where

tions of stocks were JbxL

had grown sane. The sun

ing his face and the

frrmvn nereenMblv lfi&a

x . x v .

One dav he said, almost.

Kiutna thi4 must fifnn rood.

go back into the whirlpool

After alb mv boy. the game

the candle. But I know pfcp

come for a mmd-cure and Jt

I shall never forgetfthat itarium and the Wisest d are to be found here. I ft:iin: I eat well: I sleen

I am like a strong lad. "M

ft::

Grant's First Speecfe ta

Mai. Joseph W. Whaife

paymaster at Tncsorf, Ar&f

looking after the admst

counts. Early in the war

was a lieutenant in Genu

nient the Twenty-First JJ

a colonel who wore two

belt and made sneechea osi;

rade " he said to a circle '

the Ebbitt last night-

re-enlist unless we could

colonel, and the ease tyaa

Gov. Dick Yates when

was camped at Sprin

then that Col. U. 25. Gran

to our regiment, and th

suggested that the bora

with some speeches by

or two others. The pr

ried out, and the boys, w

worked up to a thfee-e

tiger state of mind and

ed to speeches from their.

called for 'Grant,' Grantg

with the accent on both was a slight kesitatiotv Grant, who had been'

arose and made an eff

without exhausting the 2

j guage. It could hardly & I the three parts required bti

for it consisted of but foutf

wit:: Go to your quarters.

story ouce at a reunion v

was present, and the re

with a storm of applaud

Commander never smiled.

of those incidents of

discipline which tht

never 10 ue auuucu 10 aixi I huve never told itsihee

Star. ' :

A Farmer9

We were within about 1

lay. Ohio, and the train to' slacken speed, when and knew that the 1

struck some eonsu

the seafr next ahead wai-al

ne tnrew up tne sasm head, and exclaimed:

4Bv gum! but To hi ft Vtfhi thv have t3

shouted a man behind

out. "Yes, and it's my h

farmer. 1

But you said you werei

"You bet I am! I've

and down this line for ttye

pass thev gave me for

cow which wasn't worth

rii A-.-iteflAi

xne pass expired yewjriwj

mv old boss, who am t

srits in the way and ia"

Luck! Why, geutvtbfc$i

family pass for Ave

there arc fcgirteeu of us

A Decline In Vi

A 1 l t

Argentine scnexnes nave

serious decline iu the LO

1 market. A tirm which

; cession from the Argentina

and which was in J

60,000 in cash and K

paid shares for it and

sum as being utterly inad

now been unable to uia

session in Londou for the 6,000.

- .ipm.UiJM

A Parts Skating

In Paris there ia a

formed of real Ice on a v&;

of water 'artificially

containing aznmcuU gas.

v. ,