Bloomington Telephone, Volume 15, Bloomington, Monroe County, 1 December 1893 — Page 2

Tllii TELEPHONE.

IF.

ILO Mi G TON

OUPi PLEASURE OLD J). "Hopper was awfully shy about fcoing to the Fair on Chicago d?y." "'He reported a grand time, I suppose." 4G reat C&sar , yes ! 1 1 is n am c headed the list of injured." Mrs. Hashling Here I've invested

in another fraud. This cook-book isu't worth a penny ; "Have vou tried anvof the recipes?" j "Tried them? No, Here's or. c for '

chicken pie. and k caiis for chicken

first thiuir.

A PAMITjY TKEAStmC. Harper11 Bazar.

Hicks Jove! I came near giving you one of Mr. Barton's cards instead of mv own. Caesar Dat's alt right, sah. Ef yo sen ud Mr. Barton's card Miss Polly sho' to come down.

Hrs sympathy for the mm Wlios.i luck and ..e are broke. Whose underwear i- t And whose overcoat s in soak. Little drops of water .vnd little oypte: 8 too. W 1 s c n bo :o'n d toir Vwt To muktt th ck ;rch fair stew

FILLING OUT A CHECK,

Mistress Do you mean to tell me, Margaret, that you let baby eat seven bananas? Bridget An' sure, ma'am, didnt ez tell me, the last thing pom' out, to mornd the baoy. aa sure he ordered the whole seven. Harper's Young People.

NOT COMFORTING.

Judge,

Boy (on safe side of fence) Don't be feared, Padsy; take him by de fift' wertebra of de neck an' choke him do def ! "I wish to ask for the hand of jour daughter in marriage." "But are you in a positiou to support a family?" "Oh, I think so, sir." "Yes, but you must consider the matter carefully, for there are ten of us."

A CUEIOUS PHENOMENON.

Judge.

Johnnie with his mouth open as wide as he can get it (1) for medicine; (2) for honey.

ABjftklBf Rm U Bit Um! Algernon Dearest Emily, I can nd

iceul nf feelioffi any longer. J

Must toll you how dearly I love you. May I hope for your love in return? Emily Certainly. Will that be all tenia f San Franoisoo Eveaing Tout

The of the Bible As the Subject of Dr. Talmage's Sunday Sermon. Onjy Four Steps lUtwecn Faith and Unbe life The Cioapel In the Itelijr oa for Adversity. Rev. Dr. Talmage preached at the Brooklyn Tabernacle iast Sunday, Subject: "The lfs of the Bible." Text Exodus xxxii., 32. He said: There is in our English language a small conjunction which I propose, by God's help, to haul out of its present insignificancy and set upon the throne where it belongs, and that is the conjunction "if." Though made of only two letters, it is the pivot on which everything turns. All time and all eternity are at its disposal. We slur it in our utterance, we ignore it iu our appreciation and none of us recognize it as the most tremendous word in all the vocabulary outside of those words which describe deity. "If!" Why. that word we take as a tramp among words, now appearing here, now appearing there, but having no value of its own, when it really has amillionairedoni of worlds, and in its train walk all planetery, stellar, lunar solar destinies. If the boat of leaves made watertight, in which the infant Moses sailed the Nile, had sunk, who would have led Israel out of Egypt? If the Red sea had not parted for the escape of one host and then come together for the submergence of another, would the book of Exodus ever have been written? If the ship on which Columbus sailed for America had gone down in an Atlantic cyclone how much longer would it have taken for the discovery of this continent? Oh, that conjunction 'if!" How much has depended on it! The height of it, the depth of it, the length of it, the immensity of it, the infinity of it who can measure it? It would swamp anything but omnipotence. But I must confine myself to the "ifs" of the Bible, and in so doing I shall speak of the "if" of overpowering earnestness, the "if" of incredulity, the ''if of threat, the "if" of argumentation, the "if" of eternal significance, or so many of these 4ifs" as I can compass in the time that may be reasonably allotted to pulpit discourse. "First, the "if" of overpowering earnestness. My text gives it. The Israelites have been worshiping an idol, notwithstanding ail that God had done for them, and now Moses offers the most vehement prayer of all historv, and it turns upon an "if." "If thou wilt forgive their sins and if not, blot me, I pray thee, out of thy book." Oh, what an overwhelming "if!" I& was as much as to say: "If thou wilt not oardon them, do not pardon me. If thou wilt not bring them to the promised land, let me never see the promised land. If they must perish, let me perish with tfem. In that book where thou recordest their doom record my doom. If they are 6hut out of heaven, let me be shut out of heaven. If they go down into darkness, let me go down into darkness." What vehemence and holr recklessness of prayer! Yet there are those here who, I have no doubt, have, in their allabsorbing desire to have others saved, risked the same prayer, for it is a risk. You must not make it unless you are willing to balance vour eternal salvation on such an ltif." Yei there have been cases where a mother has been so anxious for the recovery of a wayward son that her prayer has swung and trembled and poised on an "if"like that of the text. "I have for many years loved thee,0 God, and it has been my expectation to sit with Christ and all the redeemed at the banquet of the skies, but I now give up my promised place at the feast, and my promised robe, and my promised crown, and my

gromised throne, unless John, unless eorge, unless Henry, unless my darling son can share them with me. Heaven will be no heaven without him. O God, save my boy, or count me among the lost." That is a terrific prayer, and yet there is a young man sitting in the few on the main floor, or in the ower gallery, or in the top gallery, who has already crushed such a Erayer from his mother's heart. He ardly ever writes home, or, living at home, what does he care how much trouble he gives her? Her tears are no more to him than the rain that drops from the eaves of a dark night. The fact that she does not sleep because of watching for his return late at night does not choke his laughter nor hasten his step forward. Another bible "if" is the "if" of incredulity. Satan used it when Christ's vitality was depressed by forty days' abstinence from food, and the tempter pointed to some stones, in color and shape like loaves of bread, and said: "If Thou be the Son of God command that these stones be made bread." That was appropriate, for Satan is the father of that "if" of incredulity. Peter used the same "if" when standing on the wet and slippery deck of a fishing smack off Lake Galilee, he saw Christ walking on the sea as though it were as solid as a pavement of basalt from the adjoining

volcanic hills, and Peter cried, "If it be thou, let me come to Thee on .he water." What a preposterous "if!" What 'luuian foot was ever so constructed is to walk on water? In what part A the earth did law of gravitation make exception to the rule that a

man will sink to the elbows when he touches the wave of river or lake and will sink further unless he can swim? But here Peter looks out upon the form in the shape of a man defying the mightiest law of the universe, the law of gravitation, and standing erect on the top of the liquid. Yet the incredulous Peter cries out to the Lord, "If it be Thou." Alas, for that incredulous "if!" It is working as powerfully in the latter part of this nineteenth Christian century as it did in the early part of the first Christian century. Though a small conjunction, It is the biggest block to-day in the wjy of the gospel chariot. "If!" "If!" We have theological seminaries which spend most of their time and employ their learning and their genius in the manufacturing of "ifs." With that weaponry are assailed the Pentateuch, and the miracles, and the divinity of Jesus Christ. Almost everybody is chewing on an "if." When many a man bows for prayer he puts his knee on an "if." The door through which people pass into infidelity and atheism and all immortalities has two doorposts, and the one is made of the letter 14i" and the other of the letter "f." There are only four steps between strong faith and complete unbelief: (1) Surrender the idea of the verbal inspiration of the scriptures and adopt the idea that they were all generally supervised by the Lord. (2) Surrender the idea that they were all generally supervised by the Lord and adopt the theory that they were not all, but partly, supervised by the Lord. (3.) Believe that they are the gradual evolution of the ages, and men wrote according to the wisdom of the times in which they lived. (4) Believe that the Bible is a bad book, and not only unworthy of ere dence, but pernicious and debasing and cruel. Only four steps from the stout faith in which the martyrs died to the blatant caricature of Christianity as the greatest sham of the centuries. Bu t the door to all that precipitation and horror is made out of an "if." The mother of unrests in the minds of Christian people and in

those who regard sacred things is the "if of incredulity. Just in proportion as you have few "ifs" of incredulity in your religion will you find it a comforting religion. My full and unquestioning faith in it is founded on the fact that it soothes and sustains iu time of trouble. I do not believe that any man who ever lived had more blessings and prosperity than I have received from God and the worLi. But I have had trouble enough to allow me opportunity of finding out whether our religion is of any use in such exigency. I have had fourteen great bereavements, to say nothing of lesser bereavements, for I was the youngest ol a large family. I have had as much persecution as comes to most people. I have had all kinds of trial, except severe and prolonged sickness, and I would have been dead long ago but for the consolatory power of our religion. Any religion will do in time of prosperity. Buddhism will do. Confucianism will do. No religion at all will do. But when the world gets after you and defames your best deeds. when bankruptcy takes the place of large dividends, when you fold for the last sleep the still hands over the still heart of your old father, who has been planning for your welfare all these years, or you close the eyes of your mother who has lived in your life ever since you were born, removing her spectacles because she wil! have clear vision in the home to which she has gone, or you give the last kiss to the child reclining amid the flowers that pile the casket and looking as natural and lifelike as she ever did reclining in the cradle, then the only religion worth anything is the old-fashioned religion of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I would give more in such a crisis for one of the promises expressed in half a verse of the old book than for a whole library containing all the productions of all the other religions of all the ages. The other religions are a sort of cocaine to benumb and deaden the soul while bereavement and misfortune do their work, but our religion is inspiration, illumination, imparadisation. It is a mixture of sunlight and hallelujah. Do not adulterate it with one drop of the tincture of incredulity. Another bible Mf" is the "if" of eternal significance. Solomon gives us that "if" twice in one sentence

when he says, "If thou be wise, thou shalt be wise for thyself, but if thou scornest thou alone shalt bear it." Christ gives us that 4if" when He says, "If thou hadst known in this thy day the things which belong unto thy peace, but now they are hidden from thine eyes." Paul gives us that "if" when he says, "If they shall enter into my rest." All those "ifs" and a score more that I might recall put the whole responsibility of our salvation on ourselves. Christ's willingness to pardon no "if" about that. Realms of glory awaiting the righteous no "if" about that. The only "if" in all the case worth a moment's consideration is the "if" that attaches itself to the question as to whether we will accept, whether we will repent, whether we will believe, whether we will rise forever. Is it not time that we take our eternal future off that swivel? Is it not time that we extirpate that "if," that miserable "if," that hazardous "if"? We would not allow this uncertain "if" to stay long in anything else of importance. Let some one say in regard to a railroad bridge, "I have reasons for asking if that

bridge is safe," and you would not cross it. Let some one say, "I have reasons to ask if that steamer is trustworthy," and you would not take passage on it. Let some one suggest in regard to a property you are about to buy, "I have reason to ask if they can give a good title." and you would not pay a dollar down until you had some skillful real estate lawyer examine the title. But I allowed for years of my lifetime, and some of vou have allowed for years of your lifetime, an "if" to stand tossing up and down questions of eternal destiny. Oh, decide! Perhaps your arrival here to-day may decide. Stranger things than that have put to flight forever the "if" of uncertainty. You cannot parse my text. It is an offense to grammatical construction. But that dash put in by the type setters is mightily suggestive. "If thou wilt forgive their sin (then comes the dash) and if not, blot me, I pray thee, out of thy book." Some of the most earnest prayers ever uttered could not be parsed and were poor specimens of language. They halted, they broke down, they passed into sobs or groans or silence. God cares nothing for the syntax of prayers, nothing for the rhetoric of prayers. Oh, the wordless prayers! If they were piled up they would reach to the rainbow that arches the throne of God. A deep sigh means more than the whole liturgy. Out of the 410,000 words of the English language there may not be a word enough expressive for the soul. The most effective prayers I have heard have been prayers that broke down with emotion the young man for the first time rising in a prayer meeting and saying "Oh, Lord Jesus!" and then sitting down, burying the face in the handkerchief; the penitent in the inquiry room kneeling and saying "God help me," and getting no further; the broken prayer that started a great revival in my church in Philadelphia. A prayer may have in style a gracefulness of an Addison aud the sublimity of a Milton and the epigrammatic form of an Emerson and yet be a failure, having a horizontal power' but no perpendicular power, horizontal power reaching the car of man, but no perpendicular power reaching the ear of God. A mother, praving for a son's recovery from illness, told the Lord he had no right to take him. and the boy recovered, but piunged into aa abominations and died a renegade Better in all such prayer- pertni?) ing ti our tempo al wei ar t pit an "if" saying "If it be 'Ihy wid.' But in praying for spiritual good and

the salvation of our soul we need

never insert a? "if." Our spiritua. welfare is sure to be for the best, and away with the "ifs." Abraham's prayer for the reseuj of Sodom was a grand prayer i:1 some respects, but there were siJ "ifs" in it, o" "porad ventures.'

! which mean the same thir.g. "Per

adventure there may be fifty righteous in the city, peradventure forty-

; five, peradventure forty, pcradveiN

ture thirty, peradventure twenty, peradventure ten." Those six p.radventures those six "ifs" killed tho prayer; and Sodom went down and went under. Nearly ail the prayers that were answered had no "iiV i:i them the prayer of Elijah that changed dry weather to wet weather, the prayer that changed Itezekiah from a sick man to a well man, the prayer that halted sun and moon without shaking the universe to pieces. Oh, rally your soul for a prayer with no "ifs" in it! Say in substance: "Lord, Thou hast promised pardon, and I take it. Here are my wounds: heal them. Here is my blindness; irradiate it. Here are my chains of bondage; by the gospel hammer strike them off. I am tleeing to the

! city of refuge, and I am sure this is

the right way. Thanks be to Uod. I am free" Once, by the law, my hope wera alala. But now, in Christ, I live uum. With the Mosaic earnestness o ray text and without its Mosaic "ifs," let us cry out for God. Aye, if words fail us, let us take the &ug gestion of that printer's dash of the text, and with a wordless silence implore pardon and comfort and life and heaven. For this assemblage, all of whom I shall meet in the last judgment, I dare not offer the prayer of my text, and so I change it and say, Lord God, forgive our sins and write our names in the book of Th loving remembrance, from which they shall never be blotted out." No Heart to Ask for Moro. Detroit Tribune. The new shades of green wen very becoming to her, and she couh not help but thiuk how beautiful sin was as she stood there and said no Edwin, she didn't believe she would "What!" exclaimed the youth, a he gazed fondly upon thechrysanthe mum in his coat, "not invite them t our wedding?" She shook her head. "But they are old friends," he urged. "I know it, Edwin." "And they are interested in you, surely." "Without a doubt." "But you will not send them an

invitation?" "No " As she spoke she laid her ham trustingly upon hi diamond ring. " dearest, I cannot. They hav given me so much already that 1 haven't the nerve." All he could do was to wonder win it had never occurred tc him.

Five hundred years ago no British town had a population of 40,000,

TOriCS OF THESE TIMES. TUB ANDERSON FISH AND GAME CLUB. The little city of. Anderson has an organization that should be imitated ui every country town in the State of Indiana. It is styled the "Anderson Fish and Game Club," and its r.vowed object is the enforcement of the iish aud game laws of the State. Evidently its membership is made jp of the right kind of material i ;en whose patriotic zeal in behalf of the vanishing wealth of our streams and woodlands is not daunted by a false sentiment that would protect a wealthy clfender while dealing out the full penalty of the law to less fortunate nimrods whose lack of worldly possessions might be the impelling cause that led to their offending. Proof of this has been recent

ly furnished in the cases of no less a parsonage than Mai. Charles T. Doxey and Thos. Stillwell, wealthy and well-known citizens of Anderson, who felt that they must have 4 'quail on toast" before the lawful date. So they went forth in all the glory of breech-loaders and canvas coats and shot a mess, and on their return were quietly escorted, at the instigation of the Fish and Game Club, to the office of a Justice of the peace, where they "paid the fiddler" to the extent of $15 and costs, without protest. Mr. Doxey is a wellknown politician and business man. That ho should bean offender against .so wise a law is remarkable, but he is not alone by any means in this transgression. From all over the State rorr.e reports of "illegal and mmorciful slaughter of poor Bob White." It is a disgrace to the Jitute, a shameful record. The only remedy is in just such organizations as the Anderson Fish and Game Club, that shall be actuated by the s'ime fearless spirit of patriotism to deal with offenders harshly and summarily, and an improved public sentiment that will aid them in such action by a moral support, without which all efforts lo preserve what little game is still left in our forests and streams must prove futile. MORMON POLYGAMY. People have been lead to believe that polygamy among the M rmons of Utah has been practically eliminated if not altogether extinguished, and the sentiment that the Territory of Utah was entitled to admission as a State has rapidly gained ground since the arrest, conviction and imprisonment of prominent Mormon ciders some years since for that offense. Rev. Samuel Wishard, superintendent of the Presbyterian Home Mission of Utah, Montana, Idaho and Wyoming, in an interview in Indianapolis, last week, gave to the public some statements that lead to the conclusion that the crime of polygamy is still firmly rooted in the Mormon creed. He states that the law has for years been enforced only in, the most flagrant cases. Not a single Mormon of the old faith has given up his belief inpo'ygamy. The r-pirit of pei cecution of other religious sects is only dormant and ready to break out on any pretext as opportunity may offer. The Mormon church is now, as it has always been, a political machine, operated very much like Tammany in New York. The conduct of the Mormon authorities has been such as to give the impression abroad that the church had officially abandoned polygamy, but all this, Mr. Wishard says, was done for effect, and all the objectionable characteristics of the Mormon faith are still adhered to with fanatical zeal. PHOSPHATE FERTILIZERS. Artificial fertilizers have long been used in various parts of the United States, especially in the East. So 'mportant has the industry grown that new sources of supply have from time to time ben opened to l he market. Previous to 1841 the orincipal commercial fertilizer was bone dust, but in that year the vuano deposits of the Peruvian islands were drawn upon for the first time and the demand for the com modity rapidly increased because of its superior solubility. The supply, however, proved inadequate, and in '1867 the phosphate industry of South Carolina was established. In Florida the phosphate mines were not opened until twenty-one years later. In 1891 the quauntity of phosphate produced in the United States was 757,133 tons. France in the year named produced 400,000 tons, and Belgium 200,000 tons. The phosphate is in good demand throughout the United States, and is considered especially valuable for the cotton crop of the South and the fruit crop throughout the country. South Carolina has twenty-three land mines and seven river mines; North Carolina has one land mine, while Florida has eighty-eight land mines and eighteen river mines. These statistics are gleaned from a

special report of Carroll D. Wright, Commissioner of Labor, and from this document we learn that the quantity of this valuable fertilizer in sight in South Carolina is estimated at 14,000,000 tons, and at the present rate of production the visible supply will extend over twenty-eight years from 1891. Florida is credited with the enormous visible supply of 133, 056,11(5 tons. The total average number of persons employed in this industry is estimated at 9,175, but this does not include the skilled labor employed in connection with the industry, for which no estimate is reported. A HOLY WAR. The holy wars of past ages are matters of history. The crusades of Peter the Hermit and the later military movements of the Mahdt at Khartoum have all gone glimmeringinto the silence of the past. But fanaticism still survives and its erratic movements have broken forth on the very outskirts of civilization in exhibitions of desperate courage and deeds of heroism seldom witnessed unless inspired by hope of a future reward in the land beyond the shadows. The Spaniards at Mellila in Morocco have been amazed at the courage of the Moors in battle. Repeated and bloody repulse of the savage hordes of Northern Africa only seems to increase their valor and determination. Death has no terrors for them. Led by their chiefs and holy men they marched to certain destruction. The reason for this extraordinary exhibition has been developed through the capture of Moorish prisoners, who have informed their captors that the Moors did not fear defeat or death, and that they were shielded by a supernatural power in their efforts to drive the Spanish invaders from

their soil. Such fanaticism is marvelous in this day and enlightened

age.

The Chilly Banker Warmed Up. Washington Post A well-known contractor walked into a bank in this city the other day to cash a check for $40. The paying teller looked at the check a few minutes, then counted out $400, and handed it to the contractor, who although he noticed the error, sid rot a word, but rolled up the bills and wadded them down into his pocket. This happened in the morning, and about 2 o'clock the some afternoon, hefore the officials! of the bank had an opportunity to discover the error, the contractor walked into the office of the President of the bank. "Is this bank responsible for the errors of its clerks?" he asked the President. "If it can be proved that any of our clerks have erred," replied the President in a very chilly manner, "we will make t le correction." "Well, nobody saw this error made but myself,' continued the contractor, "and my word ought to be sufficient proof, i think" "I am sorry, sir," said the bank President, "but we shall have to hive additional proof. We require this in order to protect ourselves; that's all." "Very well, sir," replied the contractor, rising to go, "I am sorry I cannot furnish what you demand. Tne error I referred to was the payment of $400 for a check that cihed for only $40; but, as no one saw me receive the extra $360, I suppose vou will not want to correct the mistake. Good day, sir." "Hold on! Comeback!" shouted the bank President, who by this time was very wide awake to the abyss to which he had been led. The matter was soon adjusted satisfactorily, and now when any person reports an error at that bank the first question asked is: 'Iu whose favor?"

Can You Gobble? "I think I have discovered an error," writes a correspondent of the Critic, "in 'The Century Dictionary', in the definition of Turkey-call -an instrument producing a sound which resumbles the gobbling of the turkey-cock, used as a decoy.' I have hunted wild turkeys, and decoed many a strutting gobbler and foolish hen to death, but always by imitating the 'yelp' of the female, and I have never seen a hunter who could imitate the 'gobble.1 Perhaps Bettina. in 4The Mascotte,' might do it, but I have heard old hunters say it is an impossibility." Bernhardt's crazy lover, Bcnatre, has mst died in an insane ravlum,

r j - ',7 "

He was a minor omcial of the mumcpality of Paris, and became enamored of the actress from seeing her on the stage. Neglect of business and imploring letters resulted, but they did not affect her. He endured her contempt, however, until she married M. Darr.ala. He then bad to be taken to Bicetre and there he died, having never recovered frooi his hopeless passion. Mrs. Gladstone's regular attend ance at the House of Commons is said to be due less to her interest in the government of her country thaa to anxiety for her husband's health. Unless she is on hand to see that he is properly muffled up when he leave the House, the Grand Old Mao it likely to return home' insufficiently wrapped.