Bloomington Telephone, Volume 15, Bloomington, Monroe County, 19 September 1893 — Page 2

THE TELEPOHNE,

By Waltke Bradjutb.

BLOOMINGTON

INDIANA

Lawrence T. Neal, the Democratic candidate for Governor of Ohio, is forty-nine years old and a bachelor. The Democratic party, in the past, has usually had good luck with ' 'old bachelor" candidates. James Buchannau, Samuel J. Tilden and Grover Cleveland have been conspicuous examples of this. Mr. Neal's father is still an active man at the age of eighty, and resides at Parkersburg, W. Va.

Ten million paid admissions to the World's Fair during the first four months is the record that proves that Chicago, as usual, is making a success of an undertaking that the jealous East predicted was beyond her capacity to manage or ability to successfully carry forward- Prospects indicate that the Fair will even be a financial success something that the promoters scarcely hoped for which is unusual in such undertakings. Very few of the world's great expositions have returned anything to the original stockholders.

Thee are two things about the United States Postal laws that everv one should know. The sender has a right to put his address on the envelope or wrapper of anything mailable, whether letters, printed matter or merchandise. The Dead Lietter office would become unnecessary if all would avail themselves of this privilege. The registry fee is now only 8 cents in addition to the postage, and for that small sum anything mailable can be registered and its safety insured. All packages of value should be registered. The responsibility for a package is thus located and a receipt from the recipient is thu3 secured very important matters in some cases.

The great diamond now on exhibition at the World's Fair by Tiffany & Co., of New York, is valued at $100,000. This diamond is celebrated and has a well authenticated history. It was found in the Kimberly diamond district in South Africa, in 1879, and came immediately into the hands of its present owners. It is the largest diamond in America, and the finest yellow diamond in the world. It is one-fifth larger than the famous Kohinoor stone, which belongs to the British crown. Mrs. Yerkes, wife of the Chicago street car millionaire, is the lady who has the pile that ' 'jerks" this glittering bauble, which she will take possession of at the close of the Fair.

As a purveyor of news, it has again become our painful duty to announce the taking oS of Mr. Schnitzer, alias Emin Pasha, in the wilds of Africa. He is all "cut up'1 this time and has been eaten ere this by naked cannibals. We are aware that this announcement will appear a trifle stale and monotonous, but we can assure our readers that the information has come to us through the regular channels, and is quite as reliable, apparently, as any other piece of news from foreign shores. Emin's entire party were massacred by a band of hostile natives, and Emin's head was cut off by one stroke of a scimitar in the hands of a gigantic savage in a dramatic manner that will delight the heart of Rider Haggard, who will doubtless in due time use the incident as a basis for a new work of horrible African fiction.

The New York collector of customs held that the tomato is a vegetable and accordingly imposed the 10 per cent, advaiorem tax, as prescribed by law. The merchant who was importing what he contended is fruit, which is admitted free of duty, appealed to the circuit court, but that tribunal decided in favor of the collector, and on a further appeal by the merchant to the United States Supreme Court the decision was affirmed. This is important. We ail know now what we are eating when we indulge in the agricultural production in question. This is probably the first time that this vegetable has been brought into court since the days of Pickwick. As all will recollect, it was the message, "Chops and tomato sauce" that precipitated the celebrated case of Bardell vs. Pickwick and brought down so much tribulation on that famous and kindhearted old gentleman.

Mr. Garner, the "monkevologist" and simian expert, having long believed that the amusing animals in which he has taken so great vm interest can and do talk, has prepared a cage for himself in which he fouls safe and is now in the wilds of Africa pursuing the study of the lingo of

the various varieties of monkevs. Word has been received from him in a letter in which he reports satisfactory progress and states that he can conduct a limited but intelligible conversation with his forest friends. Mr. Garner has written to a Boston philanthropist soliciting contributions of rattles, balls, tin trumpets, dolls and other small toys. He will endeavor to educate the monkeys, as an experiment, on their 'native heath," so to speak, and if successful we ma)r look for the formation of the Amalgamated Missionary Union for the propagation of Delsarte ideas among the hairy denizens of the tropics. As Delsartists monkeys would be a great success. They could give the human race pointers on ''falling down stairs" the latest fad that has emanated from the fertile brains of "culchah" and alleged refinement.

The great success of the Encampment managers at Indianapolis in preparing for and handling the immense outpouring of people, and veterans as well, that filled the Hoosier capital as never before, places that city in line for successful competition for the national conventions of the great parties in 1896. Frequent efforts have been made in this direction in the past, but the patriotic efforts of the public men of Indianapolis were hardly given serious consideration by the national committees, for the simple reason that it was supposed that a national gathering of any great organization could not be properly cared for by a city of the size of Indianapolis. Now that it has demonstrated its capacity, with the experience gained by the Encampment, and the added advantage of three years growth before the meeting of the conventions to nominate cauditates for the campaign of '96, the efforts of public spirited citizens are certain to receive a respectful consideration that will more than likely be crowned with success. One or both of the great national conventions will be held in Indianapolis in '96. Paste this in your hat. r The distant cousins and far awav aunts and remote uncles and unheard of relatives of all degrees of consanguinity, by the direct line of hereditary descent or collateral connection brought about by ante-di-luvian nuptials ceremonies, have at last, by the cumulative force of oftrepeated calamities brought a Chicago man to grief, and in the frenzy of despair he has rushed into print in the personal columns of the city papers with an emphatic notice to the world at large that all persons claiming relationship with him in the future, and desiring entertainment during their stay in the city, must be identified. Early in August Mr. McCasiin the person in question, having tried to keep a record of persons entertained by him. because of their claimed relationship, became impressed with the belief that he had been sadly imposed upon. The family had given up their beds to guests, bunking around as best they could. The situation was desperate. Investigation of the family record led to the discovery that twenty-five more visitors had been entertained than could bv the most liberal construction claim relationship. Mr. McCasiin naturally felt that he had done his duty by his relations and accordingly issued the notice that in the future visitors claiming relationship must be identified, and that credentials will be required.

The Queen's Wine Cellars. London World. The Queen possesses an immense quantity of wine, there being very large cellars and most of them full, at St. lames Palace, Windsor Castle and Buckingham Palace. No great stock of wine is kept either at OsJ borne or Balmoral, the supplies for those palaces being renewed us often as may be necessary. The Queen's collection of old port and sherry. East India Madeira and Cabinet Rhine wines is probably the largest and finest in the country, and her majesty has a splendid cellar of Imperial Tokay, which was Prince Albert's favorite desert wine. George IV purchased vast quantities of port, Madeira and sherry, which he was privileged to import free of duty, and in those days members of the household were In the habit of getting a great deal of wine in the same way, under the pretext that it was being ordered by them for the King. Sad Fate of an Office-Seeker. Boston Transcript. President Cleveland caught a shark the other day. On cutting the fish open, it was found to contain a carpetbag, two paper collars, a petition for appointment as postmaster at Wildcat City, Ga., and sixteen testimonials as to lit-icss and character. Byron's household, according to Shelley, consisted, brides servants, of ten hordes, ei jnt e::crmoas dogtf. thrco monkeys, tyro cats, an eagle, a crow and a falcon, and all except the horses went lo and fro in the house al pleasure.

TOPICS OF THESE TIMES. " WHAT IS THE A. 1 A?" It is not the intention of this paper to express an opinion as to the merits or demerits of this muchtalked of order. Notwithstanding the prominence attained in various sections by the organization, there seems to be a lack of definite and reliable information as to its purposes, objects and ultimate intentions, and it is for the puprose of giving our readers the best information on these points obtainable, that this article has been prepared. From what appears to be an official circular, we glean a summary of what purports to be the platform and code of principles of the order, as follows: Protection of the free schools; opposing State and sectarian institutions; favoring restricted immigration; uniform naturalization laws, with extended prolation, favoring election of all officials, independent of foreign, temporal or ecclesiastical control; taxation of church property; opening of all schools, convents and monasteries to official inspection. The order is now about two years old. The place of its organization is not known, the history of the American Protective Association having become confused with other orders having titles with similar initials notablv the American Protestant Association, the National League for the Protection of American Institutions, the American Protective League, and some half dozen other beneficiary, political and benevolent orders, having various and divers objects foreign to the alleged objects of the A. P. A. under discussion, and having no connection therewith, the only similarity being that all the others are also Protestant and patriotic The A. P. A., now under consideration, is not a "benefit" order, and does not pay sick benefits, or give financial aid of any kind. The membership is not confined to native-born citizens of the United States; foreigners above eighteen years of age are eligible to membership if Protestants. The order means fight and proposes aggressive warfare in furtherance of its designs. It claims a present membership of more than one million the most remarkable growth of any order ever known iu the short time it has been organized. Notwithstanding the fact that it is not a financial scheme, and the further drawback that members are assesses for necessary expenses to carry forward the objects in view, it has had an average increase of nearly ten thousand per week, as its circular claims during the past two years. This growth is considered unprecedented in the history of secret societies. The new order numbers among its adherents all classes of citizens, and every shade of political belief. In some Western towns it is claimed that every official, from the mayor down, is a member of the order. The most remarkable feature of the marvelous growth of this society, is perhaps the fact that it is of Western origin, and its growth has so far been pricipally confined to the territory west of Ohio, although it is now claimed that it is rapidly spreading in the East. As is already well known the animus of the whole movement is antipathy to the Roman Catholic church and its institutions. Whatever basis of right or foundation of wrong this gigantic uprising may have, is not the province of this article to determine, the only object being to furnish our readers with what is believed to be an official statement of the aims, objects, purposes, prospects, and intentions, so far as arc obtainable, of a movement that is evidently destined to claim a large share of public attention ; the near future.

THE GRAND ARMY ENCAMPMENT. The twenty -seventh annual encampment of the Grand Army of the Republic at Indianapolis during the week of September 4, was an event of unusual interest and altogether was probably the most important gathei'ing of people that has assembled at the Hoosior capital since the close of the war. Hoosier hospitality is proverbial, and our reputation was well sustained on this occasion. The vast concourse of visiting strangers from other States, and from the outlying counties of Indiana as well, was cared for in a manner very creditable to them anagement having the ceremonies in charge. The beautiful paved streets throughout all the central portion of the city were clean and dry forming a striking contrast to the filthy muddy thoroughfares of Chicago so familiar to hundreds of our people, and the thronging thousands wandered at will over the roadways in perfect comfort and safety. Street car accommodations to the various points of interest were totally inadeqate, but that was to be expected, and

was borne with cheerfully. T'fce hundreds of cars were alwayr. overloaded, but were carefully nu-aaged, and contrary to expectations no serious accidents occurred. The capital city has added laurels to its crown of glory by the large-minded way in which it dealt with the great problem of caring for a multitude that would have taxed the resources of a city twice its size and population, and the managers by their action have made the name of Hoosier a synonym for honorable and patriotic enterprise. It is unnecessary to state that visiting veterans from other States were pleased with their reception, their only regret being that a fear of the incapacity of so small a city to care for so great a gathering had prevented so many of their comrades from attending the reunions so dear to the veteran's heart. BANK STATISTICS. The total number of banking institutions in the United States is 8,0008.700 national, 3,000 State, and 1,300 private banks. The gross deposits in national banks amount to $1,500,000,000; in State banks to 050,000,000; in private banks $100,000,000, a total of $2,250,000,000. This stupendous sum aggregates 50 per cent, greater than the national debt, and is equal to 00 per cent, of all the gold coin in the world. The national banks of the country had loans in excess of two thousand million dollars at the date of the Comptroller of the Currency's report. July 12. The State and private banks, at the same time, had loans to the amount of $1,500,000,000. The combined loans of all banks equalled $50 for each inhabitant of the United States, without regard to age, color, sex, or "previous condition of servitude." The banks of the United States, in the majority of instances, are popular in their respective localities, and it is to this confidence is due the enormous credit system that has resulted from the instrumentality of banks. Without banks the business of the country, as at present conducted, would come to a standstill. Credit could not safely be extended save to a limited degree, and the vast superstructure of business wouid fall to the ground. Hence, people who rail at banks and bankers are attacking their own interests and making a direct assault upon the happiness and comfort of their own firesides. The welfare of mankind, alwavs a matter of intimate concern, is in no single case so plainly exhibited as in the-relations of the honest banker and his home patrons. Honest and reliable banks are the mainstay of the business world as at present organized, and an able and honest banker is the best friend the laboring man can have, though very few of this class can believe-it till panic and ruin and the cessation of business enterprises brings him to a realization of a truth that should be plain to all.

THE BERING SEA ARBITRATION. The decision rendered by the Board of Arbitration, some weeks since, settling the controversy between the United States and Great Britain, was not altogether satisfactory the United States, although reliable authorities contend that each party to the controversy was given all that it asked for. The points made in the statement for the United States were originally form ulated by Mr. Blaine, who was anxious to stop the poaching upon the seal hunting grounds, in what he claimed were United States waters, by Canadian seal hunters. England contended that the United States had not acquired control of these waters by the cession of Alaska to this country by Russia, holding that Russia originally had no paramount rights in the waters in dispute. England also claiming to have a great interest in the preservation of the seal industry, the decision giving that power rights in the disputed waters may'be regarded as a sort of mixed verdict, the result of which, however, will be that if the terms of the decision are lived up to, as they doubtless will be, that the seals will increase in numbers, which, after all is the great end desired by the United States.

A Vleoaant Shave. Texa? Sittings. Customer Vf'hat mafres your hand jerk so with that razor? Barber Why, boss, I'se used to de lies. "The tits?" "Yes, boss, but don't be scart; it is ten minutes befor dcy come on. Jes you res' easy; dat's de symptoms." Faith Cure Veterinarians. A wealthy couple of Faith-Curists in Berkshire county, Massachusetts, one of whose horses was badly cut by a bar bed-wire fence, tore off the bandages applied by the veterinary surgeon, threw away his medicines, and are relying upon prayer to cure the unhappy beast.

BRAZILIAN REVOLUTION. Bombardment oi the Forts at Rio de Janeiro. Probable Overthrow of the Present Government little Damage as Vet Ueiults. The following dispatch was receive at Washington about noon, Thursday: "Rio dk Janeiro, Sept. 14, 1803, k'Gresham, Washington: "At 11 this morning revolutionary forces bombarded foits surrounding entrance of harbor and also the arsenal on a wharf, center of city. A few shells were tired inU the city. A woman was killed ier

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PRESIDENT PEIXOTO, OF BRAZIL. residence. Commercial telegrams have again been forbidden. Charleston has not yet arrived. " Advices received at Washington from Rio de Janeiro. Thursday evening, point in a most positive manner to the overthrow of the present government. The disaffection is not confined to the navy alone, but is spreading to the army, where the opposition to the government is becoming most pronounced. It is said that the Admiral of the navy would never have dared to have taken the bold step he has without assurances of support from a portion of the army at least. It is believed that a dispatch will be very soon received announcing the success of the insurgents. Sonor Demenon?o, the Brazilian minister, is not iu Washington at present. NEAL VS. M'KINLEY.

Hon. Lawrence T. Neal, Democratic candidate for Governor of Ohio, opened the campaign at Newark. Thursday. All the Democratic candidates on the State ticket were present. Large delegations from Columbus, Mansfield and other central Ohio towns were in attendance. Mr. Neal answered thestatments of McKinley at Akron in detail. He held that under our present protective system the whole burden of taxation rested on the consumption of the people. The rich and the poor are not placed on an equality under such a system. The taxes paid are not levied in proportion to their ability to pay. Protection, he said, was an injustice and a crime against the great mass of the people. In conclusion, Mr. Neal said : The defeat of the Republican party in this State next November, will, by cornman consent, be everywhere received as the full and final decision of the American people upon the question of protective taxation. The overthrow of McKinley and McKinleyism in Ohio will atlirin the judgment of the people of the entire country, entered in the Presidential election of last year, in favor of a tariff for revenue alone. I appeal to you then to vote the Democratic ticket. Shall I appeal in vain. It is for you to answer. Hut in answering I beg of you to remember that the Democratic party is the party of the people; that it iias always been the party of the people; that it has at all times, and in all places, and under all circumstances, in sunshine and in storm, in prosperity and in adversity, in peace and in war. watched as a guardian angel over the rights, iutereits and liberties of the people." The New England Idea. Nobody who is anybody cares to deny that the New England of the first, second, even the present, third century, has had her own hands full in wrestling with home infirmities and diabolisms: even thaU on the whole, a Yankee fool, crank, or devil may honestly claim precedence among his fellows in any part of this or any land. Certainly the Puritan parson, in humble imitation of his persecutors across the water, did try for fifty years to make the law of Moses the common law of Massachusetts, and the New England colonial soil uninhabitable to an 3' body but a Calvinistic saint. Certainly, the witches were hung; the uncomfortable agitators, Roger Williams and Anne Hutchinson, were banished or supressed; negro slaves were bought and sold in Boston and Newport ships; the old Hartford convention was held; and plenty of other unpleasant things were said and done, and all still ventilated and put in experiment which have been justly condemned by the impartial jury of American civilisation. But tho real giory of New England is that no respect tble class there objects to putting all these things in a common school of history, and sending the class to the public library to look up the con 11 ic ting testimony on any important point in the controversies. The New England idea is that no class that honestly has its face set to the front to-dav will be bothered by looking over its shoulders or spending time in trying to cover up the tracks of old mistake or old si"- New Eny Magazine. A Hew Jersey Diroree. These are some of the things which made up a New Jersey divorce case: The wife spit in her husband's tea; hit him with a brick; threatened him with a knife; threw ice-water over him while in bed; cut off his mustache; obliged him to eat in the dark; cut six of his shirts into strings, and capped the climax by pouring lye on his "eatin1 11 tobacco. This last was the unkindest linocut of all.

OUR PLEASURE CLUB.

''Why did Mrs, Onlycasa refuse to accept 'the marine views Brushley painted for her?" "She was afraid they would mildew the walls of her new house." "Poor Mrs. Sadd is terribly worried about the silk she bought to make over her dress with." "Don tit match?" "Oh, yes, exactly; but she found it at the first place she went into."

"So she is going to be your wife. "I don't know."

i l

But you said you proposed and

were accepted." "Phew! but that was a full half hour ago." "It's strange Colonel Bluegrass has never crossed the ocean when he enjoys traveling so much." "Oh," no; water on land even makes him sick." The Debutante (aside) How many verses shall I sing? The Professor Do you want an encore? The Debutante Of course. The Professor One. He Wifey, love, I am taking part in a balloon ascent tomorrow. She I have no objection, love, only don't forget to bring me something nice when you come back. When there is tea on the table in some of the hospitable homes of Barbour county, West Virginia, the traveler is sometimes asked: "Will you take wet sweetenin' or dry sweetenin'?" If he elects the former, sorghum molasses is handed to him, while if he takes the latter, he gets maple sugar in little lumps. On the beach, out on the lawa Away to the strove or park. Arise with the lark at early Sawn These arc the nights to spark. O. there ain't no use in talkin': This here government looks slim When the man is on the ox cart And the rope is on the limb ' Anyone who is beginning to learn to use the typewriter can write a first-class magazine dialect story with both eyes shut without half trying.

SEEING HER HOME.

Ally Sloper.

When P. T, liarnum said farewell to a well known Kmrlish circus manage" .hs latter remarked : M e snail meet again in hoaven, my dear Barnum.'' Tho American looked thoughtful for a moment, and ihoti said: Yes, it you are there."

''Now, you go back, Tom; you've seen me quite far enough.11 'Til see you further first." "Why did everybody laugh so long over that story of old Boreby's? It wasn't a bit funny." ''They were afraid he would tell another if they kept quiet." Stiggles What makes you think that he is familiar with Latin? Staggles If he wasn't he would never dare take such liberties with it. Don't ask him if it is. It will never be hot enough for the iceman in this world. It is difficult to convince a girl with a silvery voice that silence is golden. She (an heiress) What trade you love me? I know my face is plain. He (with enthusiasm) Perhaps, dearest, out your figure is most attractive. First Store Boy How do jrou like your new place? Second Store Boy Don't like it. If I don't do things right they'll get another boy, and if I do things right they'll keep me doin: 'em. Mrs. Riter What kind of ammunition do they use in these magazine guns? Mr. R Poetry. I guess. Ail of mine has been iired. Tol;n, there's a storm coniin up; hitch the mule in the front yard." "What fer?" ''Per pertcetion: if it ain't greased lightning, and it slips off of him, he'll kick it all to flinders." Governess How long is it since Rome was founded? Fanny Rome was founded 2.848 years ago. Aged Grandmother Dear me, how time does slip away. "You get out of this kitchen or I'll call my husband," screamed the hard-faced woman. "You ain't got no husband," retorted Hungry Higgins, "If sech a lookin' woman as you had a husband he'd be in hore doing the cookinV Perauite&is. Puck. "You always wear line collars and cutis, Mr. Kink' remarked the colonel to the old darky. " Yessir, ' replied Kink; "dat's one advantage ob pahmittin' jot wife to tek in wabhin sah."