Bloomington Telephone, Volume 14, Number 29, Bloomington, Monroe County, 13 September 1889 — Page 2

Ml

BT ZBVINO J. A. WTJiTnt. 1 Zero's a city quaint and humbly Peopled, yet obscure to eyea; l ea, an unobserved city In itself a paradise, "here's a million fcinds of people Who tre dwelling there to-day, Iiowed with wretched loads of sorrow, Trudging 'long in duty's way, In this city is a structure Being reared, yet never done: "Where they toil, devoid of leisure, And vacation days are none. X very day doth raise the census, Swell the city's thoroughfare ; 1 hough we cannot see or hear them, They are born and buried there. All the sorrows, pains and anguish. Blasted hopes and broken vows, All recorded there foreve Written on the people's brows. All these people, oh, my reader, Of this city quaint, in part, re the troubles of a woman. And the city is her heart. St. Louia ZfagarinA.

"HELD UP."

An Englishman's Experience

in this Country.

BY J. CAMERON LES.

From time to time there have ap

peared accounts in the American newspapers of the robbery of railway trains,These robberies have generally taken place in remote and outlying parts of the States, into which the railway system .has bat lately penetrated. For a train to be what the Americans called "help up9 was, during the last year, rather a frequent occurrence, and the process of "holding up" was done in a manner so skillful as to be generally attended with success. There were cases repoirted in which the robbers got the wors ; of it, but they, too, often made good their escape, not only with their lives but with considerable booty, leaving the train they had plundered to go on its way minus its mail? and the passengers stripped of their money and valuables. Last November, on my way from San Francisco to New York, the train in which I crossed the Rocky Mountains fell into the hands of these maraading gentlemen; and as my experiences may be interesting, I venture to give them here, though they may not be so startling as those of some other travelers who have fallen among thievos. I l4t Salt Lake City on the forenoon of a beautiful day in the fall of the year, and after skirting the river "Jordan" and nhe "Lake of Tiberias, n names whicl. the Mormons have transferred from Palestine to their own territory, the train began to enter a wild and rugged country, and to cross the great mountain rampart by which the plain of the Salt Lake is environed. All the afternoon we slowly ascended, and it

was evening before we reached the Castle Gate, formed by two enormous steep rocky walls, between which the railway passes. There were a good many carriages in the train, and the "Pullman" in which I traveled had about twenty passengers. We were very sociable and time passed quicky. As soon as it was dark the berths on each side of the car were made up by the negro attendant, the heavy curtains drawn, and we all went to bed. I had been sleeping soundly, when I was awakened at 2 in the morning by the train being brought suddenly to a stand-still. Being in the lower berth, I had the advantage of having a window to look out oL I drew up the blind ; a bright moon was shining, and every object outside was perfectly clear and distinct The place looked wild and lonely enough. Huge boulders of rock were strewn about, and the hillsides rose seamed and bare. As there was no railwat station visiblefand the tniin showed no sign of going on, I becaa e convinced that something was wrong, and wakened my traveling companion in the opposite berth. As he was pcurtiaily dressed, he said he would go and see "what was up," and made his way to the open platform of the car. On hif appearing on the outside he was asked by a man standing near tbe track what lie wanted. He replied that he merely wished to know what had stopped the train, when he received the not very reassuring answer, emphasized by a g an pointed at him, "Go back, you lool, or I'll drill a hole through you V Tue occupants of the car were now trida awake, and popping their heads out from behind the curtains of their berths, diaeustsed the situation in a lively manner. It was now evident that we were "held up," and the conversation turned on what was likely to be the upshot. I was particularly struck by the good humor with which every one seemed to regard the occurrence. It apparently was regarded by them as a very amusing experience, and by none more than by the ladies of our party, who joined freely in the conversation. No one could at all have imagined that they were expecting every moment a summons to march out in deshabille and take their stand in a row on the railway bank. Shouts of laughter abounded as one Yankee after another made dry observations as to what was likely no happen, and how the robbers would make hay of the beds while we stood shivering in the moonlight. Amid the merriment, however, there was evidently an effort by the passengers to make their money as safe as circumstances would permit. From all parts of the compartment there resounded the clink of coin. One person, opposite me put his watch into a boot. "Where have you put your money? I heard a passenger in the next berth aay to : mother. "I huve ripped up my mattress and put it there Pui it all in V "Yms." "Weil, then, I guess you had better take seme out. Them boys knows you warn't traveling this line without a cent.1' Then there was more clinking heard, as a reasonable sum was transferred from the mattress to the owner's purse. From an opposite berth I saw a lady emerge, robed in a dressing gown. She marchod down the compart nent to the door, where there stood a large tin cis

tern for holding ied water. The lid of

went back to her conch triumphantly.

"Guess thev won't look there," she

said to me as she passed by.

A long, ttun man, wlia was by pro

fession a "drummer.9 or commercial

traveler, now said he would "pull on his pants and go cat and prospect." In

a few minutes he returned, aud standing

in the doorwav, crave forth ins infor

mation for the benefit of the company. "Ladies and gentlemen," he said,

"the state of matters is this: They are

now in the mail car trying to force the

sale, and when tney ve done we may

eipect the pleasure of their company here." So saying he made a graceful bpw and retired. The black attendant then locked the doors at each end of the car and went to bed. Tse hopes, he said, "they get enough to con cent them without a-com-ing here plenty of shinners in dat safe." Looking out of the window again I saw a curious sight. By the side of the truck stood the engine-driver and two others in a row with their hands up above their heads. They appeared like so many boys at school. I saw no one else, but a stout middle-aged man in a huge cowboy hat, with a gun in his hand. He looked like a well-to-do farmer. While I was watching, the engine-driver and his mates, got up on the train, the engine gave a sharp snort, and to our great astonishment on we went. Sambo, the attendant, rushed out, and said we were

fairly off. We passed the camp fire,

beside which the robbers had waited for

our arrival, snd some logs of wood which had been laid across the track. The

the platform armed with a shot-gun which he said was loaded with swan

shot, "I see one of them there behind that

big stone," he cried; "guess 111 give

him a stringing up.

The other passengers would not allow

him to fire.

They have got Lancaster rifles, you

fool," said one, roughly, and they'll go

popping on sixteen snocs apiece at ine car, and one of them may be 11 go through your demed old head." So the

"drummer" restrained himself.

At the first station we stopped and

the telegraph was set to work sending the news of what had happened up and down the line. We then got information as to what hsd really occurred. The engine-driver had seen a light set on the middle of the track. This was

the usual signal to ttop, and he pulled

up. He iound nve men dressed like

cowboys, and with blackened faces,

waiting for him. who told him and his

mates to come down and hold up their

hands. Each of the robbers carried

pistols and a rifle. Having placed a guard over the three men they proceeded to the mail car. This tiey left

in a state ot inexpressiDie contusion.

Mail bags were ripped up, letters and

newspapers lav scattered about. The

bags, I think thirtv-six in number, con

taining registered letters, they took possession of. They then went to the car where the safe was kept, and ordered the man inside to open it. He had rolled all the heavy baggage against the door, and was slow in obeying their command. They told him to be quick or it would be worse for him. On entering, one of the robbers presented a pistol to his head, and t old him to open the safe. He said tie could not do that, as it opened by an ktrangement of letters composing a word. The

'word had been telegraphed on ahead,

and he did not know it. "Ill give you ten minutes, said the other, "and if you don't open it, guess you'll have to die. w When the ten minutes had elapsed he was going to execute his threat, but one of his comrades interferred, saying he believed the man was telling the truth. They then worked at the safe for some time, but after many attempts had to give up hopes of opening it. Afterwards they held a consultation as to whether they should go through the cars, but decided there were too many passenges for them to cope with. Going down to the track they removed two logs of wood they had placed across the rails. "Get np," said the leader politely to the engine-driver. "Now you may go on good-night!" The whole booty was thus only the mail bags with the registered letters, the value of which it wan impossible to tell. They did not even take the watches and money of the engine-driver and his comrades. The object of their expedition had evidently been the safe, which concaved a considerable amount of gold. In the smoking compartment of the train I listened 'a a livelv discussion as to the likelihood o ib robbers being caught. The general opinion whs that "the Sheriff would nab them," though one "guessed that they would skip out of that territory pretty quick." "You see, stranger," said a fine openfaced man from San Francisco, who from the number of wild adventure he related we called The Scalper," "Uncle Sam don't care .a dime for you find me being robbed, but it's a cussedly different thing touching the mails. You bet ! they'll be nabbed." I asked him whether if they had come to our car there would have been any resistance. Guess," he naid, taking out of his pocket a neat little pistol, "there'ud be some shootin9 going on around. I wouldn't give them my money without pulling on them." Then followed some California yarns, well worthy of Mayne'Reid, how a train had lately beeu stepped at Kansas, how the guard shot four robbers and the rest fled. The State gave him one thousand dollars and the company two thousand. "He lias now changed his trade," added the narator. "What for?" I inquired. "O, he ha been on the drunk ever since," was the reply, givou as gravely as if "being on the drunk" was a wellknown and honorable profession,. Then the "drummer" told how at Eucharist he had waked one nig tit and found a man at work on the lock of his trunk, and getting out his pistol, had shot him through the arm and disabled him. And a ranchman out west , from near Los Angeles, bad a curious story, how the onlv time he was ever without

V

this she opened and dropped in son j his pistol he had been robbed. After a

huudri doilan. Ii ipioeiug the lid she j series of similar tales a grave mia, who

had been silently smoking hij cigar, struck in. "Well, boys," ho said, "I ftm glad them robbers got none of our plunder. But don't you go, any of you, and take the blood out of a fellow-crittur. It's ftft awful thing to do, surely. There was a friend of mine nist shot a man. He saw him put his hand behind lay back, and thought he was going to draw, and pulled on him. The Sheriff was after him, and he camo up to my ranch, and I kept him dark, I did. But he was miserable. He said he could always hear the groans of the dying man. He saw him staring at him awful with all his eyes when he lay down in Ved. He didn't live long after that. It's my opinion that business killed him. Don;t you boys go aud take the life of a fel low-crittur if you can help it !" So ended my adventure in the Rocky Mountains. I may add that I never heard while in America whether the robbers were captured. I don't know yet whether they are still at large. 1 saw, howevor, in a telegram lately that a train on the same line had been "held up," and "that the robbers had got ofl with a rich booty." Possibly they were my old friends of the Bookies still pur suing their calling. What isaCloudltursU In daily speech a heavy wind is a cyclone and a hard showei a cloudburst. But in the language of science these terms are of much narrower significance. What is usually called a cyclone is a whirlwind or tornado, and what is termed a cloud-burst is what comes out in weather bulletins under the denomination of "local rains." The phenomenon known as cloud burst is always the attendant of a whirlwind. The latter is nothing more noi less than an eddy of large proportions in the currents of the atmosphere. Lei a large area become intensely and unequally heated by the sun, as was the

case recently over a very large portion

of the United States, then the heated

stratum in a given locality suddenly rises and colder currents rush in and

cause a rotary motion. Volumes of air

which were close to the earth are driven to a great height, its moisture con

densed, and then follows a hail storm,

or cloud-burst. Sometimes a vacuum hi

formed in the shape of a funnel, and

this is driven along with great velocity.

unroofing buildings, prostrating forest!

and doing immense damage in its

course. Such is the true tornado.

Whether a hail-storm, heavy rain oi

cloud burst follows in the wake of a

whirlwind depends solely upon the condition of the atmosphere at the time. If

there be little or no vapor in the air,

the phenomenon assumes the form of a

drv whirlwind. If there is much

watery vapor presen t its sudden con

densation in the higher regions of the atmosphere congeals it into hail or

causes a tremendous fall of rain over a small area. But when the air is completely saturated with moisture, and a whirl is formed, it is usually much larger, and the heated stratum being heavier is not carried to so great a height. The upward currents being strong, a vast mass of partially condensed vapor is accumu lated in the upper end of the funnel, so to speak, until it finally breaks to pieces of its own weight. The vapor is then rapidly condensed and water falls sometimes in sheets, plowing great holes and furrows in the earth. Cloud-bursts, properly speaking, are of very rare occurrence, and probably not more than one or two have actually been formed during the recent violent storms. "Local rains," possibly atten dant upon whirlwinds, have been especially frequent, however, and in the license assumed in press dispatches have received the common and popular name of cloud bursts. Baltimore Herald. Humbling an Autocrat. The autocrat of the seaside resort is not the man with his millions, but the hotel cook. The clerk in the office may imagine that he owns, most of the earth, and the head waiter may feel that he has a warranty deed of the remainder, but when you come right down to facta the boss of the kitchen is f he boss of the ranch. He is the unseen ,juei' behind the throne to which all b At our hotel the soup invariably been seasoned so high with .ayenne pepper that not one out of en cou." 1 more .than taste it. The same was true of the deviled clams. One day I made a kick and in five minutes I had half a dozen guests with me. We interviewed the landlord and his reply was: "I have nothing to say about it. You must go to the chief cook." We sought an interview with that magnate. He was a colored man with the dignity of a Roman Senator. We made our complaint, and he replied: "I season dat soup an' dem clams to suit my taste." "But it doesn't suit ours." "Can't help dat, sah." "We want less pepper." "Can't help dat." "Do you refuse to make a change?" "I Bartinly do, sah. I 'lows nobody to tell me what to do." We returned to the veranda and went into convention. Every minute added to our numerical streueth, and in a quarter of an hour we numbered forty men. Then it was unanimously "Resolved, That if the cook refuses to use less pepper we seek some other hotel." Delegates were appointed to wait on the landlord, and he replied: 44 Gentlemen, I am sorry, bun I dare not interfere." Forty rooms were vacated, forty trunks packed, and then mine host wilted. He called in the cook, and though that individual attempted to stand on his dignity he had to wilt. By this time the excitement was intense, and had the iorty gone they would have been followed by a hundred more "Less pep er" was the watchword all over the house, and it meant u great deal to that landlord. We kicked, we saw, we conquered, and the next son) and clams exactly noi ted the populat taste. The cook is still the unsee power behind the throne, but he ha skipped a cog and no one is afraid -him any longer. Detroit Free Pre It is not good that repels or evil tha attracts, but the monotony of good am the variety in eviL Atchison Glob

How Sicily Girls Oict Husbands, The following is a description orfa scene whu-h goos on every Sunday morning in the hospital at Palermo: The long dormitories were clean and orderly, but the curious and peculiar feature of this establishment was the parlatorio or reception-room. Picture a large, long room, the greater portion of which is divided oil from the sides and further end by an iron grating which forms a cage entered only by a wellbarred street door through which visitors were admitted from tho outer world. Hero they sit on benches to converse with those on the other hide of the iron grating. Once a M eek, however, Sunday morning, from ten to twelve, this place is the scene of the most novel and ludicrous courtships ever described. One of the objects of this motherly establishment is to find fit husbands for the girls under its charge. The one requisite here is much what it is in society the young man is bound to show himself in possession of sufficient means to maintain a wife in comfort, before he is allowed to aspire to the hand of one of those precious damsels. Having given in his credentials of fitness to the guardian, he receives a card which admits him next Sunday morning to an inspection of the candidates for matrimony. There, sitting on a bench,

if his curiosity and ardor will allow him to remain sitting, he awaits the arrival on the other side of the grating of the lady superior, aocompauied by a girl. She has been selected by order of seniority and fitness for household work from one hundred and more between the ages of seventeen and twenty-one, waiting for a youth to deliver them from their prison. The two young people, both no doubt breathless with agitation at the importance of the ceremony, have to take one long, fixed look at each other. No word is spoken, no sign is made. These good sisters believe so much in the language of the eye that, in their minds, any addition is futile, and might but serve to mystify the pure and perfect effect of love at first sight. The look over, the lady superior asks the man if he will accept the maiden for his bride. Should he answer in the affirmative, the same question is put to her, and if she bow3 assent the betrothal has then taken place, and they part until the Sunday following. The young lover again makes his appearance before the tribunal of guardians, and there the contract is signed, the dav of the marriage fixed and he is

granted leave to bring the ring, earrings aud wedding dress and presents the gifts,throughthe gridiron, of course, to his betrothed. Everything has to pass the scrutiny of the sisters, for fear ot a letter or some tender word being insinuated with the gifts. During the few Sundays that intervene between the first love scene and the marriage, an hour's conversation within hearing of the lady superior is allowed, but not a touch is exchanged. The talk, interspersed with giggling, consists of inquiry as to the wedding dress and the occupation and place of abode of the suitor. Should the voung man refuse the lirst damsel preaeuted to him, he is favored with the sight of two or three r four more; but should he still appear diffident, he is dismissed. The marriage over, the task of the sister is done. Here falls a veil thev never lift; and whether happiness is the result of this rite they never inquire. Our reader must have wondered what inducement there can be to make the youths who have the world to choose from, come here in search of a wife. Two hundred aud fiftv francs are the attraction. That sum is given in dowry with fach of these girls, and for that sum, it appears, a Sicilian is willing to sell himself for life.

Short Names.

Not long ago a man went into a French village to register, as is required by the French law, the name of the newly born child. "What's the name?" the clerk asked him, "Rose B." "How do vou spell it?" (B," "What? Is it Bee, or Bey, or Bea? You must have some other letters to go with your B." "Not at all, sir. The name 13 just B, no more." The clerk was puzzled. It seemed to him quite ridiculous to inscribe a person by the name of B. The man insisted, however, that there was no other letters with it, and never had been. He referred the clerk to other records containing the family name, and it was found to be the case that the family had always gone by the name of B. The B family name is perhaps, the shortest family name in the world excepting, no doubt, the 1 family, which is a pretty large one. There is in Northern France, moreover, a village which has an exceedingly short name. It is the little commune of Y, in the department of the Somme, whose 200 inhabitants are never called upon to lose much time in the dating of their letters, aud who probably could not be induced to exchange the name of their town for Constantinople or Copenhagen, or even for Kalamazoo or Indianapolis. Youth's Companion. More Uniform Than Brains In England we do not dote quite so much upon uniforms as they do in France, and little incidents of this kind are therefore not very likely to occur on this side of the Channel, Still a very well known English Cabinet Minister it is needless to say that he was a Gladstonian did ouce get into difficulties, not through going about in mufti, but through wearing too much uniform. We will not mention the gentleman's name, lor he is vstill extant aud it might hurt his digniiied Gladstonian feeiiugs. This distinguished politician not even his friends ever thought he was a statesman was once upon a time First Lord of the Admiralty. Full of the importance of his office, he determined to wear the gorgeous uniform of Lord High Admiral, "whose representative he was. The first time he had official business wilh the fleet, the right honorable gentleman put on his nniform and went aboard one of her

Majesty's ships. Tho Minister whi liked to look upon himself as Lor( High Admiral, had his fiar? run up an tho vessel started. In a few minute one or the officers came up and politel touched h is hat to the First Lord. L you please, sir, what are your orders?' he asked " Orders ! What orders ?' "As your flag is flying you are in com mand." "But I don't understand a all." "Well, sir, you are in command and in a few minutes we shall run intc the Queen's yacht. Will you give m my orders.? The unlucky First Lore became crimson with vexation; and tht Lord High Admiral's pennant wa( promptly hauled down, St. fimesh Gazette. Under a Lion's Paw. If yon hnve seen a mouse in a cat clutches, you may realize what it is tc be caught by a 11 n. It is an expert ence that has happened to comparatively few men who have lived to relate the particulars, but no two agree as tc the sensations. "While trapping lions in the Hotten tot country for a Hamburg animal house, said a famous animal hunter, "I had opportunities for seeing the king of beasts at his best, and fox making close observations of his character, "No two lions are alike, except in c few leading traits, any more than twe men are alike. Every lion is supposed to roar at night, when abroad after prey, but not half of them do so. When you read of one charging into a camp you praise his courage, but for every one such case I can show ten where the lion skulked about like a dog. "I had been out, one afternoon, with some natives to prepare a bait in a rocky ravine. We had built a stout pen of rocks aud logs, and placed a calf as bait. The sun was nearly down as wc started for camo, and no one had the least suspicion of the presence of danger until a lion, which had been couched beside a bush, sprang out and knocked me down. WI can sty without conceit that I was

fairly cool. Had I moved my hand to get my pistol the beast would have lowered his head and seized my throat. So long as Hay quiet he would reason

that I was dead and give his attention to the natives.

"All of a sudden I barked out like 8

dog, followed by a growl, and that beast jumped twenty feet in his surprise. He came down between me and the natives, and I turned enough to see that his tail was down and he wafc scared. "I uttered more barks and growls, but without moving a hand, and, aftei making a clear around me, the lion suddenly bolted, and went off with f scare that would last him a week." Golden Days.

A Queen as a Balloonist. Queen Christina lias given anothei proof of hex coolness and pluck which has created great enthusiasm among hex soldiers. A detachment of the Royal Engineers, with their officers, were about to make a first trial of .some military balloons recently purchased in France, and were working knee-deep in mud ir the Boyal Park, some miles outside Madrid, when suddenly a royal carriage appoared, in which were seated th Queen, Countess Sorondegui (Mistress of the Robes) aud Col. Ayallon (Aide de-Camp). The Queen picked her way, not easily, through the mud to wher the engineers were preparing the balloon, and she astonished everybody by saying that .she had come for the express purpose of joining in the first ascent. Her lady-in-waitiug declined to accompany her, when Her Majestj lightly stepped into the balloon with Col. Ayallon. The order was then given to let the cable go, and, held bv two slender ropes, the balloon, bearing the Queen, the Colonel and four soldiers, rose to a height of about three bundled yards. After enjoying a splendid view of Madrid, and its environs Her Majesty gave the signal to lowet the balloon, which stopped ten yards from the ground to allow a photograph to be taken, and the Queen landed, welcomed by enthusiastic cheers from the soldiers. The balloon has been christened Marie Christina of Hapsburg. Madrid Despatch to London News.

A Big Fee Made in a Few Minutes. Here is a story of how the late S. L. M. Barlow, the "big fee lawyer" of Nei York, made $25, 1)00 in thirty minutes. "Commodore Garrison and a party oi enterprising gentlemen had made a contract with Gambetta for the supply of a quantity of arms for the French government. The amount of money involved was $1,600,000. Before the contract was filled Gambetta had fallen. Thiers came into power, and thinking the price of the contract exorbitant repudiated it. The party who had contracted for these arms became savage, and not knowing what to do with them began tc quarrel. They were on the point oi appointing a receiver and selling out the whole cargo at auction, when Mr. Barlow appeared among them as the representative of a gentleman who had a $10,000 interest in the concern. Aftei having heard what every one of them had to 6ay, he invited the whole party to his house one evening, explaining to them that their quarrels could not make them any better off, and in half an hour drew up an agreement which ail signed.. A few weeks later the arm; were all shipped and Mr. Barlow received $2&,O0D for half an hour'a work. N'ew York Press.

A Losing Speculation. Mrs. Chitchat (caller) Why, my dear Mrs. Starvem, what is tho matter? You look distressed. Mrs. Starvem (boarding house landlady) Oh, the awfulest thing has happened ! You remember Mr. Griggs, who used to b ard here at $9 a week, and was such a comfort to me? Mrs. C. Yes. You said he had scarcely any teeth left and culd barely eat a thi ng. Didn't cost any more to keep than a kitten. Airs, 8. That's the one, Oh, he's a villain ! Ho came back yealerday, and I let him have board at only $8 a week, and now I find he's got anew set of false teeth, and eats like a horseNew York Weekly.

A CLEVER G 42IE. The Trick lrptirwt;t Uan 0orgt V lasers by JtttlJan Iiar Trainir. One day, soon after noon, an Italian arrived in the village with a dancing bear and a hand-organ, says a letter to the Atlanta Constitution, and two hours later a similar outfit showed up from an opposite direction. While both were Italians they were by no means pleased to see each other, and the two bears had to be kept a square apart to prevent an awful coniiict. One of the men let fall a suggestion which a number of us were not slow to act on. He wished that his bear could get at the other man's bear for a few minutes, and a committee was appointed to sec if a meeting could not be arranged. An interview with the respective owners proved that it could. The bears were about of a size, and it was agreed that if we should raise a purse of $25, to be evenly divided, the animals should bo turned loose in the tavern barn. The idea of a bear fight caught on in great shape and almost every man in town put down his quarter or half, and in one hour the purse was full. There was no secrecy about the matter, but it was understood that those who chipped" should have the front seats, which in thi case were knot-holes or crevices from which the interior could be surveyed, while the stingy ones must take their chance?. When each Italian had received his money one bear was turned in by the front door and the other bv the rear, and we rushed to our lookouts fully expecting to witness the most terri ble conflict oa earth. You can therefore imagine our feelings when those bears approached each other and began to roll and rollick like puppies. There wasn't the slighest growl nor the least desire to tight, and when tho owners were asked to explain one of them said: "Me donta knowa. Can't makaouta that." We made it out later own. The bears and owners were old friends and were working the racket for a regular in come. They hit every town in tha county for $25, aud we didn't get through combing hay-seed out of oui hair for three months. Carl Bunder and the Sbarpcrs, Well?" queried Sergt Bendall, as Carl Dnnder entered the Woodbridge street station, the other day, with hn hat worn jauntily on his ear. "VLell. Sergeant, I vhas going pyr und I shust dropped in a leedle time. "Glad to see you. You haven't been down in some time." "No. I haf some fellers come around to see me again, and I vhas busy." "Swindled again, I presume." w Sergeant," aaid Mr. Dunder as ha flushed clear back to his ears, 44 in ay pe I vhas some haystacks, und maype I knows enough to take care of myself. I vhasn't so shmart ash a policemans, but I can come in when she rains.". "Well, perhaps. What Mere the fellows after?" , "My wife she likes to go to Lansing," replied Mr. Dander, after getting over his mad a little, "und I goes py der depot to puy a ticket. " "How mooch vhas dot ticket: to Lan

Two-forty." "No less for cash?" No, sir." "I gif you two-twenty. "No, sir." "Two-twenty-fife. " "No, sir." "Den I goes py dot way of Shacksoz und you doan' get a cent." "But that must have cost at least $5. "A leedle more ash dot, but you see dot ouder railroad doan9 get one cent, und it makes her so. mad ash nefer vhas." "Well, what olser "A chap comes in my place last week und looks all around und says: "Vhas dis Caul Dunder?" "He vhas." "I vhas glad to see you. I hear aboudt vou all oafer. Mr. Dunder, I

haf some preparation here dot if you rub on your feet no shark will vhill bite you. I warrant it or gif you Itack your money." "And you bought it?w "Hold on Sergeant He hal shust 12 bottles left He asks me $1 a bottle. "But you ?" "Doan' you take me for some fools. I offer him 2 shillings a bottle and he takes it. He likes to beat me, but I knock him oudt. I vhas too sharp for him." "But what do you want of the staff?" "To keep sharks avhay. "But where are the sharks?" Mr. Dunder looked embarrassed and did not reply. Detroit Free Press. Lincoln's Humor. Here is a little Lincoln story : Early in the war a number of young amateurs in Washington formed a club and made preparations to give performances for the benefit of the soldiers. Of course the first thing they gave was "Hamlet; that was to be followed by "Borneo and Juliet." "The Lady of Lyons," and so on. The managers sent to a number of public men and asked them to become honorary members, and tc give liberal contributions to their funds. Among others whom they visited was President Lincoln. He said he would be very glad to bo an honorary memler, and then ho added; "I am sorry I cannot find time to see your performances, but I will send you a check for $25, and that will represent me well enough, I guess. Then the . ftn twinkled in his eye, and he said, "Why can't you let me in as an active member ? I am a fellow of iufinite jest, and I think I would make a good grave digger." Wise Heads on Young Shoulders. One of our Sunday-school teachers, on a recent occasion, told her pupils that when they put their pennies in the contribution box she wanted each one to repeat a Bible verse suitable for the occasion. The first boy dropped in a cent, saying: "The Lord loveth a cheerful giver." The next boy dropped his cent into the box saving: "Ma that giveth to tho poor lendeth to the Lord." The third and youngest boy dropped his penny, saying: "A fool and his money are soon parted." Enterprise (Km.) Indepculent