Bloomington Telephone, Volume 14, Number 28, Bloomington, Monroe County, 6 September 1889 — Page 2

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JMCKPTION.

The year fades, as the west wind sighs And droops in many colored wajw, Bnt your soft presence never diet From out the pathway of my days. The Sprint? is where you are ; but still You, far away, to me can Ming Bweer Hovers and dreams enough to fill A thousjuxd empty worlds with Spring. 1 wal ied the wet and leafless woods, Yot spirit ever floats before, And lights its russet solitudes With blossoms Summer never wore. X sit beside my lonely Are, The shadows almost bring your face, And light wi'h memory and desire My dull and sombre dwelling-place. Among my books I feel your hand That turrs the page just pest my sight ; Some-. irues behind my chair you stand And road the foolish rhymes I write. The old piano's keys I press In random chords until I hear Tour volco, your rustling silken dress, And smoll the violets you wear. 2 do sot weep now any more, I think I hardly ever sing, I would not let you think I bore The kind oi wound of which men die. Believe that smooth content has grown Over th ghastly grave of pain ; Content ! O, lips that were my own Tea : I shall never kiss again 1 -Longman 9 Magazine.

A POSITIVE WOMAN. Mrs. Prindle stood in front of the plate glass trying on a new bonnet. She was a plump little woman with a fair baby-Uk 3 face, and no one conld blame her for g azing at herself with some complacency, for the dainty bit of millinery perched over the curly brown bang was exceedingly becoming. "Theroll be nothing like it in Hutchinviile, " she said to herself wix a thrill of pride, and her fingers meanwhile fluttered like humming-birds among the trimmings, touching here a flower and there a loop. She Has going to Hutchinviile the next week, for the first time since her marriage, to spend a few days with her mother, :ind the bonnet had been selected from Madame Le Grande's latest importations with a view to dazzling her rural friends. I only hope nothing will happen to it before I get there," was her thought s she turned at last from the mirror. Sho even denied herself the pleasure of wearing it to church the next day, fearing u shower, for the skies were lowering. To face her city acquaintances for one more Sunday in the bonnet that she had already worn a whole season require'? far less strength of mind than to take her iieat in the little Hutchinviile

church, conscious that her bonnet, rob- j bed of its pristine freshness, was being I

pcuncea upon oy avery eye in tue congregation; but site could not resist putting it on to let Jack see how he liked it "It's prstty well up in the world." said Jack, viewing it critically, with his bauds behind him : but that seems to be the fashion in headgear nowadays. And really on your head my dear, it looks remarkably well." Mrs. Pi indie preened for a moment before it e glass. She was almost tempted to wear it, after all, but a warning plash on the window kept her from yielding. I wonrisk it,n she said; and, putting the bonnet back in its ntst, hhe stood on tiptoe and pushed the bandbox in place on the upper shelf of the wardrobe. Hutchinviile was a night's journey by boat, and the next day proving a . k -rt ! m

wormy, mrs. Jrrmaie, m terror oi seasickness, decided to defer her trip ; but with the waning of the afternoon the j wind suddenly shifted, the clouds j parted, and the sun burst forth like a t monarch newly crowned. It was going j to be a fair night; it would be too bad to disappoint her mother, who she knew would be looking for her the next morning, tad, ordering a carriage at j the last moment, she hastily gathered '

Up ner baggage and departed. She was a methodical little woman, and even for the short time that she was to occupy her state-room she wanted "a place for everything and everything in its placet;4 but on boarding the boat she met an invalid friend, who detained her for half an hour or more ia the ladies' cabin, and before she could arrange her Itelongings in her state-room the capricious wind had veered again. She stood for a iromemt at the window trying to persuade herself that there Was no cause for uneasiness, but the tain was already driving against the deck, and the increasing roughness soon compelled' her to take refuge in her berth. To all those on board who were predisposed to sea-sickness it was a night of woe, and when the next morning Mrs. Prindle tock the stage for Hntohinville, the little village being about three miles inland, she was too exhausted to give a thought to the baggage; even the precious bonnet had for the moment drifted out of her mind, and it was not until she alighted at her mother's door that the discovery was made that the bandbox was missing. "With hasty greetings and equally hasty directions as to where to find the box, her brother Tom was dispatched on horseback to the boat, and in a disturbed state of temper and nerves Mrs. Prindle seated herself at the breakfast table. ul wouldn't worry about it, Phebe, aid her mother; it'll be all right if you left it in the state-room.9 But Tom shortly came galloping back with the information that the state-room had been searched in vain; not a box of any kind was to be found. "Then the maid must have taken it," Mrs. Prindle declared. 44 She had to go rum aging among my things last night for my bottle of salts, and I daresay the bandbox took her eye. "More likely it slipped overboard vhen they were bringing your traps ghore," remarked Tom, with a boy's repugnance to having people suspected. But Mrs. Prindle, convinced that the bandbox was in the waiting maid's possession, insisted on going herself to see the Captain. The Captain, who had just risen from breakfast hen the carry-all stopped at the gate, lis tened to Mrs. Prindle's story with courteous patience. Mrs. Bates had leen on the boat for thirteen years, he said, and he never had cause to suspect her honesty; but he was willing to investigate the matter. It was possible that Mrs. Bates had taken the box to

ur own room simply for safe-keeping, he suggested. But Mrs. Bates, vho had just finished putting in order tne state-room Mrs. Prindle had occupied, denied all knowledge of the bandbox, and was so indignant over Mrs. Prindle's implied suspicion that the Captain had some difficulty in preventing a scene. "It's very strange," said Mrs. Prindle, stiffly, as the Captain helped her over the gang-plank. "A box like that couldn't have gone off without hands. Somebody must know something about it, and if it isn't the maid it must be some of the passengers." But all the passengers had left the boat, and Mrs. Prindle herself had to admit that to send a search warrant after them would be an unwarrantable proceeding. Beyond question the bonnet was lost, and she returned to Hutchinviile feeling that the pleasure of her visit was already at an end. Even the fact that her traveling hat w as a pretty affair, and not at all out oi style, afforded her little consolation. Still she could have worn the traveling hat in a more resigned state ol mind had the weather been such as to make the other seem a trifle in advance of the season; but from the hour of her arrival until she turned her face homeward scarcely a cloud marred i;he serene azure of the skies. The air was full ol subtle hints of bursting buds, and robin songs filled the perfumed dawns, while up and down the streets from morning till night the merry children trundled their hoops, and high above the tree tops soared the inevitable kite ; but to Mrs. Prindle, bereft of her bonnet, these unmistakable signs of spring served onlv to intensifv her sense of loss, and she M as scarcely sorry when the time came for her to return to town. The los3, trifling in itself, took the beauty out of the velvet lawns,, Jack, like the dutfui spouse that he had always proved himself to be, waa at the landing: to meet her next morn

ing, and on the way home she poured into 1m sympathetic ears the story oi the missing bonnet. "You are sure vou took it with vou?" he asked, when the recital was ended. "Jack ! Of course I'm sure ! You don't suppose I'd have gone off without it, after buying it on purpose to wear it when at home?"' "Hardly; but neve: mind, dear; all you have to do is to go to Madame Le Grande's and duplicate it," said Jack, eager to comfort her. "I may go to Madame Le Grande's and order another, bnt I shall not duplicate it," said Mrs. PrincJe, with much dignity. "I've no wish to have my bonnet a companion piece for Mrs. Bate-.' That woman ought to be brought to justice, and as soon as we're through breakfast, Jack, I want you to take a description of the bonneb to some detective and put him on the watch for her." Jack barely succeeded in suppressing a whistle. Wouldn't it be better" h-? began ; but the stopping of the street-car in front of their own doc served to change the subject. "I fee., like a famished hunter," said Jack, as he timed the latchkey. Mrs. Pritidie was hungry, too, and hen Jack had deposited her parcels she asked him to toll Bridget to put breakfast on the table at once. "I'll be down in a moment," she added, as she pulled out her ha t-pins. Jack started to obey, but before he was half wav down the stairs a crv from Mrs. Piindle caused iiim to face about, and on regaining their room Le found her standing in front of the wardrobe gazing in a dazed way at tie upper shelf. "Jack," she whispered huskily, "ia that a bundle up there?" Jack himself seemed a little dazed. "It looks verv mudh like one. mv dear," he said, slowly, "but of course it is noi the one you took away with you. I'm oh, I'm afraid it 'is. Jack!" gasped Phebe, a Jack took down the box "or rather I'm afraid 1 didn't take it after alL I remember now telling Bridget to put it in with tiie other things in the carriage-she had my bag and umbrella in her hand at the time and just then the door-bell rang, so I told her to go on and I'd bring the box, but I didn't think of it again till I was at the gate, and then Bridget came running out with it, or at least with something that I supposed to be it, and stowed it into the carriage; but now I think of it, it must have been the lunchbox. Oh, Jack, what a goose I've been !n "Moral, 19 said Jack, taking t;he bonnet from the bandbox and perching it on his own head. "Please don't, J ack,w entreated Phebe. "Well, then, let's have breakfast, said Jack, hungry enough to be glad of a truce. But though the object, was not alluded to again that day, whenever Mrs, Prindle shows a disposition t;o be a little over-positive, Jack, with a masculine memory for feminine short-comings, mildly reminds her of the lost bonnet.

Didn't Catch His Meanin

A man was sitting on the th ird seat, in an Allen street car yesterday when a short, fat man climbed abroad and at once began fanning himself with his hat. "Well, this is a hot day, ain't it?" said he, addressing his neighbor. "Beg pardon?" said the first man. "I say, it's a pretty hot day!" repeated the short, fat man, raising his voice. The other put his hand to his ear and answered: "I didn't quite catch that; please repeat it." The little man's ears grew rod as he shouted: "It's a hot day, I tellj'ou!" and people in the back seats began to titter. "I'm a little deaf," responded the first man. "If you will raise your voice." "Confound it, sir! howled the littlo man, perspiring like a sponge. "I say it's hot! hot, I tell you! hot day! D'you hear that?" The other : shook his head, and die little man, casting a look of wrath on him, alighted. Then the first man looked around on the passengers and chuckled gleefully. Buffalo Courier. If you want to find out all about women and their ways ask some young man vho has never been married.

Horace Greele From a chapter of reminiscences, by P. T. Barnum, in tho New York Tribune we take the following: "While I resided in New York Mr. Greeley frequently called on me, and on one occasion stayed with me over a week. He could never write except by raising the desk as high as his head. I arranged in my library a desk of that kind exnressly for his use, and there he sat and wrote every day, his private secretary calling for his manuscript for the Tribune. "He wore a pair o:f thick-soled cowhide boots, and I begged him while in the house and at his work to take them off and put on a pair of my slippers. He peremptorily refused, and said "he was used to the boots, and it was all light." I insisted that slippers would Oe more comfortable, add to his pleasure, and even prolong his life. "I guess not," said Mr. Greeley, "but if it did, that would not be of much consequence. It is not the length of a man's life, but the good or evil which he does while here that counts." I urged him to take of his coat and slip on one of my loose dressing-gowns, which he also declined, but finally accepted. He had manv political callers at mv

residence, asking favors or makiug suggestions. He alwavs answered them firmly and somewhat dictatorially. He evidently understood them perfectly, and all the subjects they brought before him. On one occasion a seedy-looking individual called and asked for Mr. Greeley. At first I hesitated about admitting him, but he said that ho and Greelev wore old "cronies," and he must see him. As soon as thev met Mr. Grseley said, "Sam. have you got around again? What have you been doing?" "Sam," who had a red no.se, which indicated what his principle occupation was, replied, "Well, Greeley, I have been trying hard to make a living, and I can't do it ; I want you to get me some place in the Custom Bouse, no matter if it is only a messengers." "Now, Sam, what :is the use?" said Mr. Greelev, "if I could do that vou would be drunk in two davs and onlv disgrace yourself and give the Collector the chance of lampooing me." "Now, Horace," replied Sam, '"you have helped me a good many times, and I have promised you often to reform ; but, if you will try it once more, you may depend I will stick to my resolutions, and you will have saved me from, the poorhouse." "Well, Sam, it is very discouraging," said Mr. Greeley, ''but I will try you once more." Slipping off his dressinggown and putting on his coat, he took "Sam" into a Fifth avenue stage and. rode down to the Custom House. Ou his return I asked him if he got a place for Sam. "Yes," he said, "I have got him a situation where he can keep the wolf from the door, if he only has the pluck and resolution to do it. But I am afraid it is too late." "Hoav can you have the patience," I asked, "to follow up such fellows and help them to such an extent?" "Oh," he replied, "once in a while we can save a poor fellow, and that pays for the mistakes Ave make in helping those who have not the good sense to help themselves." Old-Time Navigation. In accounting for the frequent collisions at sea nowadays, it is often remarked that there are so many more ships afloat. This is not altogether a satisfactorv reason. It is true that the commerce of the world is greatly increased and extended. To offset this in a measure, it may be shown that our modern ships have a carrying capacity ten times greater than the ships of the last century, to say nothing of what thev were iu earlier times. Again, the improved methods of keeping the ship's reckoning ought to reduce the risks of collision,. The real explanation of the disasters is rather to be found in the circumstance that now vessels sail independently of one another, while a hundred years ago or so the merchantmen used to be despatched in ileets, and these were under a, convoy. An armed vessel was deemed necessary to protect them. An old log recently printed throws much light on eighteenth-century sailing. Commodore Anson sailed down the Channel in 17-40 with ten men-of-war, and in charge of one hundred and fifty sail of merchantmen, all more or less in sight, with nothing but sail power to help them. Hadley's quadrant was invented about 1731, so that there was almost time ten years for it to have been adopted by the navy. But there were as vet no chronometera, and the ancient mariner was forced to depend for his longitude almost entirely upon dead reckoning; feeling his way into the chops of the Channel by repeated casts of the deep-sea lead, and making careful notes of such geology a3 came up on the tallow on the bottom of it. Thus, "Brought too, sounded thirtyfive fathums, ouzy sand and broken shels." "Sounded thirty-eight fathums course grey sand with Hake's teeth." He was Sot P.owing. The old story-books made us believe, says the Memphis Appeal, that April 20, 1775, Israel Putnam was plowing in his field when a messenger arrived in hot haste with news of the battle of Lexington, and that the hero-farmer unyoked his oxen and left them to their fate, mounted a horse, and was off to

the North without so much as saying ! "good-by" to tnoise of his house. And wore we not brought up in t he belief that this line, "They left the plowshare in the mold," ' was inspired especially by his case? And have not wo, all of us, ever since our childhood been familiar with pictures representing him plowing, clad in a trock as long as a nightgown, which no farmer could wear at any kind of work without imminent and unescapa ble peril of being tripped up at every btep he took to say nothing of turning a furrow, when he would be indeed fortunate if he did not find himself under the plowshare? J And to know after many years that there was no plow in the case to liud

out that that, too, is a myth! . It was, indeed, the day a ter the light at Lexington, iu the morning, and Istae) Putnam was at work on his farm

in Promfet, Conn., Bays a Writer it Wide Awake. But he was buildings stone wall, with his hired men, and he had on a leather frock and apron the frock must have been a short one; fancj one of that material coming to his heelsi lie took off the apron, but did not wait to change the check shirt he had worn in the field, and was off without delay. He rode the same horse 100 miles in eighteen hours, and reached Cambridge at sunrise the next morning. Three Wise Boys. Once upon a time an old man called his three sons to him in the dusk of the evening and in a faltering voice said to them : "My boys, in a little while you will have no father. I am standing on the shore of the river of death, and soon I must launch my boat upon it. Now, I have, as you know, a splendid farm, upon which one man can thrive, but a& there are three of you, I have been sorely perplexed as to which should have it. I have, therefore, decided to give each of you $2 that you must spend to-morrow, and to the one making the wisest purchase shall the farm be given. Come to me to-morrow evening at this time and tell me how you have each expended your money. Now, good night, and Heaven bless you all." The following evening the three sons assembled before their father. "Reginald," said the latter to the oldest, "what did you purchase with your $2 ?" "Father," returned the son, "I pondered long that I might make wise use of the money, and at last bought a pair of strong shoes." "Well done, well done. The journey through life is rugged and hard, and the thorns are thick upon the way. You have shown prudence and forethought, and I love you the better for it. And what did vou buv, Augustus?" "I, too, thought long and deeply," responded the second son, "that I might not purchase anything trival or foolish. Since the cap that I wear is worn and ragged I boughka hat with a wide brim, which I show to you, my father." The old man regarded him with a glance of pride and affection, and said: "You, too, have done well, Augustus; often in this world the brow is fevered and the sun's rays beat fiercely upon the aching head, and your hat will comfort yoi. I rejoice that my sons are so filled with wisdom. And you, Theophilus, what did vou buv?" "My father," answered Theophilus, "I didn't ponder worth a cent. As soon as I left you last evening I blew in my stuff for live tickets to the base ball

frames.

With tears of joy streaming down his

furrowed face the venerable man embraced Theophilus and murmured, in a voicehoar.se with emotion: "Had la farm as large as Texas, with a windmill on it, it would be yours!'' And then lleginald and Augustus moved sadly away into the gathering gloom, and while the one tried to keep the Hies off himself with his hat the other kicked himself severely with hit boots. -Lincoln Journal

How Patrick Maiutaius Discipline. Band-Leader Pat Gilmore has been a pretty prominent man out West, where his musicians have been playing at expositions and public performances. How hi retains discipline over his performers is oueof the unfathomable mysteries to the Western mind, but a New Yorker tcils a story which explains it easily. He went up to the band room one moi-n-ing where they were practicing a difficult composition, ami he says: "Mr. Gilmore was standing on a little platform, waving his bacon energetically. The band were playing for all they were worth. Suddenly Mr. Gilmore stamped his foot, frowned viciously, and on the instant the music ceased. I wondered why this was, as my untrained ears could detect no discord. With a stern look on his face the great band-master turned and pointed his baton at a cowering trombone player over in one corner. In a voice that sounded like the wrath of the storm king, Mr. Gilmore said: "Karl, that wa3 very, very bad. The beers are on you." Then he raised his magical wand aloft, and the music began again. "Pat," said 1, shortly afteward, in low, dulcet and somewhat familiar tones, "what did you mean by saying 'the beers are on vou?'" "Don't vou know?" he replied. ""Well, I'll tell fou. When one of my musicians makes a mistake I fine him by compelling him to buy the beer for the crowd after rehearsal. It's a great scheme, and i pleases everybody but the victim' New York Graphic. A Surprise. It was in the days when hotels were not numerous and boarding-houses were resorted to by those who had occasion to make brief stays in our minor towns. The hero of this story had to rise early to get the 5 o'clock stage coach. Leaving his room by the wrong door, he found himself in a bare apartment. The candle he carried threw a dim light over a large, square, shallow wooden box that stood ou trestles in the center of the room. He paused to look at the strange bos, and as he did so he noticed that the bolt of the staple lay upon tho floor. Prompted by curiosity he lifted the hinged lid and looked within. There was nothing but an expanse of gray blanket. He passed hid handover the surface of the blanket. Something beneath it shuddered. Lifting the nearest corner, he found with horror that it covered an immense serpent. He shut the box with a crash, but had presence of mind enough to. pass the bolt through the staple, and left the house without further tarrying. The menagerie was to near die house to be amusing, Subsequently he learned that the son of the proprietor of the house had brought home an anaconda from South America on speculation. The narr tor lived to be au old man, but never forgot the sensation of sickening thrill that came to him when he felt the shudder beneath the blanket.

A Smart Husband. Wife I am a thousand times obliged to you, Gen'ge, for tlris beautiful diamond riug, bat ain't yon a trine extravigant ? Husband No, not at all. The ring cost $800, but I'll get the money back in a short time. "In what way?" "You will not need so many new gloves from now on.

The Preacher mid the Snakes "I want to tell you a good story on Hev. J. Wesley Johnson," remarked a friend of that gentleman to a reporter. "You won't tell who told you, will you?" "Nope." "Well, you know Johnson enjoys fishing abou: as well as the next one, and is quite successful, too; and he thought he understood the ins and outs of the sport pretty thoroughly ; but he learned something the last time he was out. It was one day last week he gathered iu his poles, and, having secured a fine lot of live bait, wont to the lakes southeast of town to put in the day. He arrived safely, and had excellent iuck from the start. Big fat perch and gamey bass nabbed at his bait as soon as hi j line touched the water, and he soon Lad a fine string. After a while, not wishing to bestow all his patronage on one place, he went to another, leaving hi string of fish in the water, tied to a root. "At the new place he caught another nice string, and leaving them where he had caught them again changed lm base of operations. At the third place he had the same excellent luck, and soon had the third string of fine fish. Finally he concluded that he had better gel the result of his catch together, thinking he had about all he could carry to the train station, so he started to the place where his first string was, arid there he beheld a sight which would have struck terror to the heart oi some men, for they would have thought that they 'had 'em' sure. There iu the edge of the water where ho had left his fish, the astonished dominie saw a writhing, seething mass of snakes. He gathered a pole and beat the reptiles oif, and found that they had eaten his fish to the gills. He then hastened to where his second string was and found more snakes tli ere than at the other place, and they were having a great feast of his fish. f.henthe preacher was as mad as a preacher can well get, and the way he uned his pole on the pile of hungry repti les was a caution. He had been thinking all day long how agreeably he was going to surprise his friends by sending them a nice mess of fish of his c; .itching, and then to have them eaten up by a lot of nasty snakes! He started back to where he had left his last string, declaring that he would take that taring of fish and his lines and leave and never again fish iu that neighborhood, which was so alive with the varmints which had been a plague to the world and a companion of the evil one tdnce the time of Adam. "The clerical gentleman's feelings can better be imagined than described when on arriving at his fishing-place he found his last remaining lot of fish surrounded by more snakes than he had ever seen in one place before. As he bsgan winding up his lines preparatory !;o departure he set to thinking seriously. Perhaps this was a plague sent upon him by divine direction tor somethiug he had done which had displeased the E uler of All ; such things were done in oiden times, whv not now? As he was revolving these thoughts in his mind some boys natives of the neighborhood approached, and he addressed them ; JJovs. do you ever fish here?' "''Yep.' " Do the snakes ever bother vour iUhV 'Nope.' " 'Why, I had three strings in different places and the snakes ate them all.' " H-e-1-1, course snakes'll eat 'em if ye leave 'em in the M ater this time o year. Yotter know that much.'" The preacher went home a sadder but wiser man. Joplin (Mo.) jVews. Literature lor the Force The celebrated novelist, Count Leo Tolstoi, as is well-known, gave up his literary work to a great extent, and busied himself chiefly with manual labor, and the spread of the 44 gospel of brotherly love." A short time ago, when driving in the streets of Moscow, he saw a policeman arrest a peasant because of some very slight offence against the police regulations, and lead him along the street. Ordering his coachKan to halt, the Count rushed up to the policeman and asked him if he oould read . "Certainly." "Have vou read the Bible?" The answer was again in the affirmative. "Then," continued the Count to the surprised officer, "do not forget that we are commanded to love our neighbor as ourselves. " The policeman looked at him. in astonishment tor a moment, and then begun an inquisition of his own. "Can vou read?" he asked. "Yes." "Have you read the police regulations?" The Count was obliged to reply in the negative. "Then," answered the ofticer, as he proceeded upon his wav with his victim, "read them before vou come here to mt preach. n Adam's Wooing, All the facts in regard to Adam's wooing have not been told. There was a deception about it that has not been practiced since. For instance: Adam assured Eve that she was "the loveliest of her sex, ' There was so much about the statement that was pleasant that Eve did not stop to analyze it and find just how empty the compliment was. "Yes, mv enslaver " he went on. "vou fire indeed the lovliest of your sex. No woman has over before made such an impression on my heart. Never, till I say you, did I realize what womanly beauty was. "No woman's eyes have thrilled but thine This faithful heart of mine." "Are you sure you never told any woman this but mo?" inquired Eve. "Fair one, I swear it." And in this wav he went on till Eve thought that if she was the handsomest woman in all the world she must indeed be verv beautiful.

Temptation Solicited. Willie (who has eaten his apple) .Mabel, let's play Adam and Eve; yoa U Eve and I'll be Adam. Mabel All ngat. Well? Willie Now you teniot me to eat your apple aud I'll succumb. Muntsey's 'Weekly.

A Railrfetd Man's tieutle Sarcasm. "Bothered by cranks and inventors," repeated the railroad man; "well, I should smile! They will average three per week the whole year round, and their inventions outnumber the stars. " T; re man with the - car coupler turns up pretty - of ten, I suppose?" qiiiriecl the scribe. "Twice a week on the average, but I've known six of them to be iu thia office at once." "Do you make a test o every invention?" "Nearly every one. That's what lam here for. The correct title of rav position :.s, The Bailroad Invention Tester and Crank Discourager! When a chap comes along with a pat ant car coupler I always take him down into the yards and give his patent a trial. "And you hit a good thing now and then, do you not?" "Never. The car coupler of thirty years ago is the best in use, find indeed about the only one. You can get nothing bet ter. However, you have got to prove an invention worthless before you can choke off the inventor. If there is any cost to attach it to a car he pays for it. I had one here last week with a patent freight car coupler which was to be worked by a lever, thus rendering it unnecessary for the brakeman to place himself between the bumpers. I saw half a dozen defects, but he was enthusiastic, and so I had it put onto a couple of cars. We w ent out into the yards, hitched to a suitable engine, and made a trial. The brake failed to work, and the inventor stepped in to toggle at it, and he was caught between the bumpers and smashed so flat that he covered a whole door. He was- No. 36, I believe." "Thirty-six what?" " "V ietims since Jan . 1. I deep a memorandum of then. Most of 'em were l-illed outright, but some went home to die. It is all done by their own inventions, and we cannot be held responsible. I keep tin old door and four yard men han?y to carry off the body, a.: d that's all they can reasonably expect. Ah ! but here comes a man with a patent draw bar. If you can come around about dav after to-morrow I'll be readv to trv it. and it's ten to one you'll see him carried o:T. Had six drawbar men here lat month, and five of 'em were shipued home by the undertaker." Lord Randolph Churchill's Oratory. From the verv first Lord Randolph Churchill framed liimself upon the model of Disraeli, and as leader of the House frequently recalled in a comic way the familiar iigure of Viviau Grey in his favorite attitude, the drooping head, the folded arms, the half-closed eyes and the coat-tail brought carefully forward and covering the knees. Lord jlandoiph did it all religiously, even to the orderly arrangement of the coat-tails, straggling with himself, often ineffectually, to prevent his hands going up to curl his mustache. His peculiar style of oratory, too, is strongly suggestive of "Dizzy" in his younger days, although lacking the polish of the astute gent eman. When Lord Beaconsfield spoka his audience was perpetually on the qui vive for somo personal thrust ct some mutual friend, and they were not often disappointed. This is why the Houste of Commons fills up to hear the disjointed talk of ord Randolph. His a.udacitv is reckless and he hits oui light, and left and generally wounds soniebxiy. On ordinary occasions he spoaks in a low, confidential manner, and in moments of repose his gestures suggest that he is about io peiform some sleight-oi-hand trick, but when he get excited he waves his hands violensly above his head, signalling Mr. Speaker as though he were a horse-car or an omnibus and yells at ths very top of his voice, which is singularly hard and unmusical. Phihtdetphia Tiniest London letter. Marriage Customs. The joining of right hand in ancient times had the solemnity and validity ol an oath. Givi ng a ring is supposed to indicate the eternity of the unioas, seeing that a circle is endless. Under the Eoman empire marriage was simply a civil contract; hence we read of men "putting away" their wives. Among the Jews the rule was for a maidea to marry on the fourth and widow on the fifth day of the week not earlier. In Jewish marriages the woman is set on the right, but through Christendom her place in the' ceremony is on the left. In a Roman marriage the bride waa purchased by the bridegroom's payment of three pieces of copper money to her parents. The custom of puttiug a vail upoa the maid before the betrothal was done to conceal her blushes ut the first touch of the man's hand, and at the closing kiss. Kissing the bride the moment the marriage ceremonial ended, though not now prescribed by the rubric of the Western churches, formerly was an imperative act on the part of She bridegroom. The early marriage ceremony among the Anglo-Saxons consisted merely of hand fastening, and pledging each other love aud affection iu the presence of friends and relatives. 3ot Square, The Teuton is often a long time in learning American idioms. One who had been here for a year or more, and who could speak some English before his arrival, a very short and corpulent man, by the way, went to his grocer's and pc.id a bill which had been standing for several weeks. iQNow you are all square, Hans." ul vas vat?" "You are square, I said. WI vas square?" "Yes you are all square now." Hans was silent for a moment, then with reddening face and Hashing eyes he brought his plunip list down upon the counter and said: See here, mine frent, I vil haf no more peezness mit yon. I treat you like a shentleman, I pay my pill, und you nuike a shoke t; mo vou say I vas square ven I know I vas round as a parrel. I dond like such slickes My pee

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