Bloomington Telephone, Volume 14, Number 23, Bloomington, Monroe County, 2 August 1889 — Page 3

Bloomington Telephone BLOOMINGTON, INDIANA, WALTEK a BILVDFUTE, - - PuBursma,

Cow's liair is now used in the manufacture of carpets. It is said to make the boss carpets.

Buffalo Bill has been engaged by the French Government to tc&ch 100 cavalry officers to ride in the American style. Geh. Sherman's first visit to Denver -was 1866, when the occasion was made a great social event and the old hero entertained by a ball and and public reception. G. B. Studd, the rich Englishman who gave up cricket to go as a missionary to China, lias introduced the game among his converts, he himself playing in native costume. Over twenty thousand French people have been induced to emigrate to the Argentine Republic, and about the same number would be awfully glad to get back to France again. The Queen Begent of Spain is also an expert embroiderer and has done some remarkably beautiful work with her needle. Manv of the dresses of the infant king are the product of her hands. London Justice says that all the people now living in the world, or about 1,400,000,000, could find standing room -within the limits of a field ten miles square, and by aid of a telephone could be addressed by a single speaker. A Georgia farmer prevents bis cows from jumping a fence by cutting off their lower eyelashes, making them think the fence is three times as high as it really is. If you cut the upper lashes a reverse illusion will result, he says. A harmless-looking wire, dangling in the air, at New York, knocked three men and a Newfoundland dog senseless within less than five minutes. It was a severed electric-light wire. When the crowd discovered what it was, nobody made light of it Empress Frederick receives 40,000 a year from the German Government. The fortune left to her by the Duchess of Galliera brings her in 12,000 a year; and she has a life interest in the trust estate of her husband. In all she has about 70,000 a year. A curious fan is exhibited in New York. After a close inspection one would think that the sticks are fringed ith the most filmy and costly lace. But what appears to be lace is human hair. It is split and woven so finely that it nods and waves before the breath like swans' down.

The Chicago, 5 Milwaukee, and St. Paul railroad has just paid all its debts. In order to do so, however, it became necessary to borrow $150,000,000, for which sum a mortgage has been executed. A railroad company that can carry a debt of this kind ought not to be called a common carrier.

The -Coulter brothers of Walker County, Ga, may safely challenge the country to produce their equals. Of the six boys, beginning at the lowest, James is 6 feet 4, Mac is 6 feet 6, Will is 6 feet 6, Tom is 6 U et 7, Oscar is 6 fet8, and Bichard feet 11. Their weights run from 2C0 to 262 pounds, making a total of 1.367 pounds and an average of 223 pounds. Nearly seven-eighths of the population of Zanzibar are slaves. Some owners have 1,000. A negro boy costs about $20, a strong workman about $100 or $120, a pretty young negress from $50 to $100, Abyssinian -women from $200 to $500, while the women from Jeddah, in Arabia, bring fancy prices. Surias for the hiring come higher yet. A Detroit paper offered a $5 prize to the girl who would specify the best picnic lunch, not to cost over 50 cents for each person." An old, growling contemporary, who has not been to a picnic for fifty years, jumps up to remark: This world has few mockeries so hollow as the picnic lunch. The $5 might better be offered as a prize the Detroit girl who stays home from the most picnics this summer." On the occasion of her son Albert's marriage, Mad&me Menier, the widow of the famous French chocolate manufacturer, invited her three sons to dinner. When about to sit down to the table, she said; "I am so glad to have you all three around me to-day, for you know how much I love you; pray be seated." When the young men had sat down they each discovered under their napkins a check for a million francs. Simon Cameron's country place was a square, old-fashioned farm-house, with a long lane leading up to it, and a big barn, in which the old General took a great pride, standing just outside the garden gate. There was no telegraph wire or telephone station within three miles of him. He would have none. When he came to the farm he wished, if possible, to get out of the reach of the men who came to Liai day after day ta hi Hamsbjur, home, loaaed with

propositions and suggestions, and demands. The Empress of Germany has an armv of seamstresses, but it is her delight to preside over and assist in the manufacture of her children's garments. She is a person of great taste, and generally picks her own and her children's hats to pieces and makes them over, after receiving them from a renowned French modiste. She is also an adept in line embroidery in both white and colors, and is as industrious as many a woman of limited means.

As an example of the spirit which animates the German army, and which doubles its force. Prince Kraft Hohenlohe tells a fine story. At the balitle of Chateauduu a battery found itself without ammunition under a heavy ffire. What was to be done? The officer commanding ordered the gunners to take their places on the limbera and shag the "Wacht am Rhein," "in order," as Prince Kraft says, that they might pass the time agreeably while waiting for fresh cartridges." A crnious case of consumption is reported by the British Medical Journal, where a girl of 14 placed in her ears the ear-rings of a friend who had died of consumption. She soon developed an ulcer in the ear which discharged tubercle bacilli Later her neck and then her lungs were affected, and she soon had pulmonary consumption, The lesson is a plain one to scientists, and it must be learned by all, that consumption is infectious and can be brought on us by sleeping with the diseased, or by wearing their clothing, or by any other method that allows the bacilli to enter our blood or our lungs. The Duke of Wellington detested being helped. One day a gentleman nearly as old as himself made some demonstration of assisting him to cross Piccadilly when crowded. When the Duke reached the Apsley House, he touched his hat and said, "I thank you, sir." The stranger took off his hat and said: "My Lord, I have passed a long and not uneventful life, but never did I hope to reach the day when I might be of the slightest assistance to the greatest man that ever lived." The Duke looked at him calmly, qnd replied, "Don't be a fool!" and walked into the Apsley House.

It has been fouqd difficult to get correct soundings of the Atlantic. A midshipman of the navy overcame the difficulty, and shot weighing thirty pounds, carries down the line. A hole is bored through the sinker, through which a red of iron is passed, moving easily back and forth. In the end of the bar a cup is dug out and the inside coated with lard. The bar is made fast tp the line and a sling holds the shot on. When the bar which extends below the ball touches the earth, the sling unhooks and the shot slides off. The lard in the end of the bar holds some of the sand, or whatever may be on the bottom, and a drop shuts over the cup to keep the water from washing the sand out. When the ground is reached a shock is felt as if an electric current had passed, through the line. A Chinese dentist recently arrived in New York is doing a good business there. A ourious visitor found that his methods, as well as the instruments used, were very primitive, yet he did his work like a genius. There was no easy-chair, nor the usual convenient little operating table alongside of the dentist. The patient sat upon a common camp-stool, and there was a smaller stool of tae same height for the foot of the dentist to rest on. The head of the patient wa3 occasionally brought upon the elevated knee of the doctor, and upon the latter's right hand was his operating case, containing curious and quaint instrument. The rapidity with which the Celestial extracted a decayed tooth somewhat astonished the visitor. By close o bservation it was discovered that a certain liquid preparation of a whittish st.bstance was first put upon the doom ed tooth to deaden the pain and to looiien the root of the tooth. The filling of the cavities was accomplished ml h like rapidity with a substance which looked like tin foil.

lie Wanted a Bird, Col. Clo3kwell is very proud of his little son, ani never loses an opportunity to exhibit bis precocity. Several nights ago the Colonel had company. George, the bright youngster, entered the room. "Don't you see the ladies and gentlemen. George?" "Yes." "Well, why don't you speak?" "Cause T. don't wan't to." "You must not talk that way. What have you learned at the kindergarten?" "Ain't learned nothin." "Oh, yes- you have. Who is .the President of the United States?" Harrison." "That's right." "Say," said the boy, looking up with sudden interest; "I want you to get me a bird." "What c.o you want with a bh:d?" 11 Bide on it." "You ca:i't ride on a bird, son. You are too heavy." "No, I ain't, 'cause mamma said you went out on a lark." The examination was brought to a precipitous close. Arkansaw Trav e?r, A Texas, horsenan, convicted of a capital crime wsked the judge if he wouldn't be hung in hiaown house since u' wrvs always gtodoafchohonie stretch.

DUC DE MROiVS DEATH. Erratic Conduct in the HastlUe of the Man llmvo in J Sat tits The last scene of the wavward career of that brilliant Frenchman, the Due de Biron, when condemned to death for open and shameless treason against Henry IV., was of a tragical character. The place of his punishment was the inner court of the Bastille. .Biron seems to have flattered himself that he should be acquitted, and when the chancellor, with some of his officers, presented himself to read the death sentence a. id announce its immediate fulfillment, he broke into a passion of mingled despair and wrath. At one moment ho begged for mercy in tones of the utmost abasement, at "ie next he shrieked out menaces agp Ast all who had ofleinled him or bee, concerned in his downfall. In storm and whirlwind he spent the few hours of his life that remained to him, but was at length induced to make his confession to a priest and to utter a prayer or two to the Divine J udge before whom he was so quickly to appear. A few minutes before 5 o'clock in the af ternoon he was informed that all was ready, and that he must descend into the court of the prison. As he quitted the chapel his quick eye lighted upon the executioner. f Begone ! wretch !'' he shouted; "touch me not till the last moment. If thou come near me till then. I swear that I will strangle thee!" On the scoflold he twice repeated the command and the threat. Looking upon the soldiers, who stood silent in their array, with arquebuses ready and matches ready lighted, he exclaimed in a voico of pathos : "Will none of you put a bullet through my heart and earn my gratitude? Ohf to die like this! so basely, by so disgraceful a blow!" as if the shame lay in the punishment and not in the crime. The representative of the law again read his sentence, Biron violently interrupting when he was charged with having plotted the king's death. Thrice he tied a handkerchief over his eyes thrice tore it off again displaying none of the calm and gallant bearing he had always shown on the field of battle. The executioner wishing to cut off his hair at the back of his neck, he again broke out in a fi t of ungovernable rage. "Touch me not' he said, "except with thy sword! Lay hands on me while I am alive, and I will strangle half the creatures who ate present and compel the rest to kill me!" So fierce was his look, so savage his tone that several persons withdrew in alarm. It was thought that he intended to 6eize the executioner's sword, but it had prudently been concealed. At last, after a painful delay, he requested one of the officers of the Bastille to bandage his eyes and put up his hair, after which he laid his head on the block. "Be quick, quick! quick!" were his last words, and they had scarcely dropped from his lips when the headsman raised his sword. A single blow and Biron was no more. Gentleman's Magazine. A Wire With a History to It. A bit of wire was introduced into oar conversation af the club. It was a silent, uncommunicative bit of copper, about a sixteenth of an inch thick and four inches long. Most any hardware merchant would give you a similar bit of wire, because its value would be so little he could not reckon a price for it. But this particular piece, Mr. Vail, (whose father co-operated "with Morse in inventing the telegraph) carries in his pocket-book as carefully as if it were gold, many times more weighty. It is a passive, pliant substance an inanimate bit of copper, but it gave the first electric thrill that brought the inhabitants of the world close together, conquered time, and annihilated distance. It is a bit of the first three miles of wire ever used for telegraphy.

It is a piece from the experimental line

constructed by Morse and A ail, sr., when they were testing their inventions. Only a little of this wire, Mr. Vail, jr., informed me, has been preserved. After it was taken down from the experimental line, his father used part of it as a trellis for vines on his front porch. Part of it may have been used in the construction of a line between the Capital and Baltimore, but if so, it is lost track of. It was from the trellis that the mementoes were recovered. "1 think I got less than six feet of it," said Mr. Vail. "After telegraphy became a wonder of thfe world we began to appreciate the value of such a memento, and we saved what we could of the original three-mile vire, I have given pieces to a few persons who have been especially interested in it, and some was arranged on a card, with a photograph of the original instrument.

now at the National Museum, that -was sent to the Paris Exposition. Washington letter to Philadelphia Telegraph. The Valuable Mechanic When a young man starts out to learn his trade and gets into a shop totally unschooled in the manual performance of his duties in the new field of life on which he is entering, it is important that he should bear in mind the fact, viz. : That his position., so far as it relates to himself, is intrinsically an .educational one, as much so as in the school or college from which he may have recently graduated. The simple performance of so many hours' work per day, while it has a certain financial measure of value to the employer, has a value to himself when properly considered that is greater than can be measured in currency. As his progress and standing in the school depended on the thorough mental understanding of each progressive step he took, so, only in a more material sense, his advance in mechanical skill and knowledge is dependent on his thoroughly understanding not only the routine details of his work, but the why and wherefore of each operation. There always has been, and probably always will be, two clauses of mechanic.) those who stand at their bench and go through the manual motions of their work like automatic machines, with little more conception of why the results are as they are, and the other that class of men who make no move without knowing why and how results are obtained, and the relative importance of each step. This is the mechanical education that counts, the education that schools the mind to a clear comprehen

sion of principles equally with details, and loads unfailingly to that higher field where skill, diligence and marked ability find their natural level. The young man, who, on beginning his mechanical education, realizes and acts upon these truths, will develop that ability which is not gauged by mere manual dexterity, but rather that which, when in later years he may be called to design, lay out and superintend the work of others, will enable him to creditably fill the position. Such positions come to those who bring thought and brains, as well as manual dexterity, to assist them in their work. To such men we owe the improvements of the age in every branch of mechanics. It is a fact that too mauy mechanics work along day after day accomplishing 'their work by "man strength and foolishness," which is the direct and legitimate result of a lack of proper and thorough applicatiou in their earlier mechanical life. The point emphasized is, that the mind that is able, through careful training and application, to bring to bear a knowledge of principles involved, as well as execution of detail in the work, in one that .approaches that standard of ability which should be the aim of every young man who is beginning his mechanical education his work in the shop. When lie has attained this, no question of wages will ever trouble him. Such men are always wanted. The supply is not equal to the demand. Stationary Engineer How like Got Even. In the aBrushy-Bend" bottoms of Skuhk River, Iowa, a few riiles from the village of Talleyrand, there lives a set of uncouth, unshorn and unwashed natives whose equals for ignorance, meanness and "general cussedness" it would be hard to find. One morning Ike Yike, a "BrushyBender," rode a skinny old mule into Talleyrand and stopped at the ctfice of the justice of the peace, "Marnin' squaw," he said, "I want to git a law suit." "What about?" asked the justice. "Wal, you know that sheep-stealin' Zeke Ash, don't ve?" " Yes. You and Zeke had a fight ?" "Wusser'n that," said Yike, "a thunderin' sight wusser'n that. That Zeke

: Ash is too mean to sleep gooL"

well, what has Zeke done? asked the justice. "Done? You'd better ask what he hain't done. He's up an' left his own family an' run off with my wife, that's what he's done, and I want liim yanked up for it." "Well," said the justice, "this is serious. Do you know where they have gone?" "They've gone down the river nine miles clean to CoppickFord and they're a-livin' in one of old Coppiokues cabins." The justice learned all he could

j about the matter, issued a warrant for I the arrest of both the man and the wo

man, sent the constable after them, and instructed Yike to appear the next day as prosecuting witness. Yike then went to the saloon and related h is bereavement to a crowd of loafers and told them he had a warrant issued for Ash's arrest. "Oh, pshaw," said one of the loafers," I wouldn't arrest him; I'd show my spunk and get even with him in some other way." Yike hung his head for a minute and then slapped his knee and said: "I'm blasted if I haint thought of a bilin' good plan. Jist you fellers wait till tomorrow an' see who's smartest, Zeke Ash er me," and he rode away. The next day when Zeke Ash and Yike's wife were arraigned before the justice Yike was not there to prosecute. The justice sent the constable out to see if any of Yike's neighbor? were in town in order that he might; learn why Yike did not appear. The constable found and brought in old Jake Grissom and when he was asked if ho had seeu Yikq he replied : "Yes, sir; I seen 'im this mornin' 'bout sun peep." "Where was he?" asked the justice. "Him and Zeke Ash's wife wuz a-run-nin' off together." Texas Sifting s. The Quality of Style. There must be workmanship as well as design. The way a thing is done can kill it or give it lite. The touch of Cellini makes the precious metal a hundred fold more precioris. We do demand ideas from an author; but if he does not know, or does not care to know, how to express them, he might as well not have them, and had better set up as a reviewer, It is easier business to disparage literature than to produce it; easier to undervalue style than to acquire it. A notable thing in every work poem, history or novel that has survived its own period is perfection of form. It is that which has kept it. It is the amber that preserves the fly. I have no doubt that thousands of noble conceptions have been lost to us because of the inadequacy of their literary form. Certain it i that many thoughts and fancies, of no great value in themselves, have been made imperishable by the faultlessness of their setting. For example, if Richard Lovelace whose felicities, by the way, were purely accidental had said to Lueasta: "Lucasta, my girl, I couldn't think half so much of you as I do if 1 didn't feel it my duty to enlist for the war. Do you catch on?" if Bichard Lovelace, I repeat, had put it in tb,at fashion, his commendable sentiment would have been forgotten in fifteen minutes; but when he said : I could not love thee, dear, so much Loved I not honor more." He gave to England a lyric that shall last longer than the Thames Embankment. Atlantic. A Natural Curiosity. Charles Walker of West Manchester has a curiosity on his grounds which would eeeni to be a miniature rival to the famous hanging gardens of Babylon. In one of the grand old elm trees which surround his home and at a distance of about thirteen feet from the ground may be seen growing a currant bush in all the pride of richly borne fruit. The bush was first noticed in the fork of the tree about direo years ago, and this is the first reason that fruit has appeared. It must have grown from seed which was carried there by u bird -Manchester Union.

What a Word Did A word whu.pered on an Alpine slope may precipitate an avalanche, and a suggestion spoken by a friend may start a mnn in an honorable career, Sir William Napier, disabled by an incurable wound, and living on half-pay, was walking one diy in London with Lord Langdale. N.ipier had been dabbling in painting and sculpture, and had written for the Edinburgh Review an able article on Jomini's great work On military operations. The two friends conversed, while walking, on Southey's narrative of the Peninsula War, then fresh from the press, and Lord Langdale was struck by Napier's remarks concerning the events of the struggle, in which he himself had achieved distinction. "Napier, what are you going to do?" suddenly askei Langdale. "Do you mean where am I going to dine?" answered Napier 'No, no. What are you thinking of for an occupation? You ought to give yourself to literature. Your article on Jomini proves that you can write. Why not write a history of the war?" Napier wer t home to tell his wife what Lord Langdale had said. He added that he doubted whether he was clever enough to write a history of the Avar. She believed in her husband's talents, and was anxious that he should take up Bomo serious occupation, and accordingly encouraged him to try. He did trv. Day after dav he labored at the desk. His wife, though burdened with the cares of a large family, was his counsellor and amanuensis. She deciphered th 3 whole of Joseph Bonaparte's secret correspondence, written in a cipher which had baffled all the experts who hat", undertaken to read it. "I would have given 20,000," said Wellington, on hearing of her success, to any person who conid have done tbt for me in the Peninsula." Five years alter the conversation with Lord Langdae the first volume of the 'History of "he Peninsula War" was published. It made its author famous. The public w?re delighted to read the book of one "who had nobly shared in making the history he had so eloquently narrated. H s descriptions of battles, sieges and marches stirred the hearts of readers, and school-boys declaimed his most brilliant passages, But the simple word of a friend has started the historian to his work. A Desperate Mother's Ingenuity. Prom a gentleman who resides in that vicinity was obtained last night the details of a most remarkable rescue from death that took place at the farm of Wendell Bussell, about ihi'ee miles fiom Venice, 111. , Monday afternoon. Mr. Russell had removed the pump from the well to make some repairs and had partially covered the aperture with boards, A little four-year-old boy playing in the vicinity got on these boards and fell through, one of the boards going with bin:. His mother heard the cries and rushed to the rescue. There was about twelve feet of water in 1; he well, and the distance from the top to the surface of the water was about fifteen feet. She could see the little one clinging do the board and floating on the water. No assistance was at hand and she Mas thrown on her own resources. Iter wits worked quickly, and she actec. with great promptness. Securing a s;out rope that was near at hand, she fastened one end of it tightly about the bedy of her nine-year-old daughter, and then let her down to the water, where she grabbed the little one and shouted bo her mother to pull her up. Her mother could not do it. While it was a comparatively easy matter to lower the girl steadily and to hold her, it was quite another thing to haul her up, and the mother's strength was not equal to the task. She, however, found a way out of the dilemma. With a few words of encouragement to her loved ones clinging to each other just above the surface of the water, she made the rope fast above, and ran to get a ladder that was leaning against the house. This she let down the well, but it reachel only a little below the surface ot the water, and there was nothing for it to rest on. She secured a stout piece of timber and placed it across the top of the well between the top rouuds of the ladder, thus giving it a firm suppoit, though the lower end Hwung in a manner somewhat dangerous to an unsteady climber. Then she took the rope by which her daughter was suspended ani swung her to the ladder. The girl seized the ladder with her left hand" and with her little brother tightly clasped by her right arm, climbed t he ladder, assisted by her mother with the rope. Both were brought up safely, and the only injuries sustained were a few bruises and a thorough ducking to the little one. St. Louis Globe-Democrat. So Time for Small Matters. A man with a low brow and criminal expression entered the Chicago police headquarters. "Sir," said he to the man in charge, "I want to " 6'Pray don't disturb me just now, I am very busy," replied the chief officer. "But I sav I want n " Couldn't f ossibly listen to you now." 'Yes, I knew, but I " " Can't stop now, I tell you don't you know thtfre has just been a terrible murder comrcitted and I am working on the case?" "Yes, that's just it, I came in to "Now, see here, I tell you I positively can't go away come in next week." "No, Imus; " "Not another word let me alone come in week after next."

But, great Scott, I want to-

BIG FOOTED WOMEN.

"No, tfir! I say. Here, if you want money there's $5 take it and go up to Oshkosh or somewhere. Come in next month ifter we get the terrible murder mystery cleared up. There's the door now gc 1" The stranger took the bill and turned away sadly. On the corner he met a man and said "They wox t have me up at headquarters. I committed the murder thoy are working on and wanted to give myself up, kut ihev wouldn't listen to me." Then he wandered sadly down a side street, met two detectives, gave a policeman a light for his cigar, and disappeared. X. Y. Tribune.

A Ch!nos9 Mv 4arln' Imprest n ol tM JWb:irian Went. A tiavelled Chinese maudirin who has iat ly communicated his impressions of the West to his cotmtryiren deals with particularity with the position anl treatmsnt of vromen in Europe?. These surprise him beyond measui'o. Thus the noiion of husband and wiCo walking arm in arm in public places til U. him with amusement. 4 Nobody smiles at it, ho says, "und eve i a husband may perform any monial task in his wife't presence, yet no one wLl laugh at him Then, again, the notion of e en star ding aside to let t. woman pass, und th code ol politeness which reqtrires men to make way for a woman, are to him incomprehensible. In China when the men are gorged the wemen dine of the scraps; but in the Wsst "at meal-time the men must wait u itil the women are seated, and then ti ike one after another tlir places, and the same rule must b observed -when the meal is finished. Western women have curious notions ebout dress and ajpearanoe. "They set itore by a large bust and slender waist, but while the wi.ist can be compressed, the. bust canno1.be enlarged; the majority have a wicker contrivance made which is conceded ur der the bodice on either side, end is considered an cdornnient. If a woman i:-. short-sighted, she wiil publicly mou it speciiacles. Even young girls ia their teens piss thus along the streets &ud it is not retarded m strange.1 As for low d res tea, he observes in bewilderment that uonien going to court regard a bare skin as a mark Df respect. He is g:3atly exercised how to describe kming: the thing )r word, does not exist F.mong the Chine e, and accordingly he is driven to describe it. "It is," he says, "a form of courtesv which consists in presenting the lips to the lower part o:! the chili and making u sound" again, "children when visiting their seniors, a pply their moutl. to the left or right lii of th elder with a smacking noise Women as shep att endants, women at home, wo men vith mustaches then engage tht writer's attention, and he paiises on to "at homes" and dances. "Besides invitation? to dir ner there are invitations to a tea gathering, such as are occasionally given by wealthy merchar'ss or distinguished officials. When the time comes, invitations ara sent to an equal number of men and women, and after these are all assembled, tea and sugar, milk, bread, and the like are served out uk aids to conversation. More particularly ire the x invitations to skip azpd posture, when the host dec ides w&A man is to be the partner of what man, and what woman of v hat mall. Then with both arms grasping emch other they leave their place 3 in pah's and loap, and skip, poster a id prance for their mr.tual gratification . A man and a woman previously unknown tx e another may take part in :.t,n London $?ime$.

XealDow Ofcys Orders Literally. The Federal and Confederate forces were preparing for a battle. The Federal commander and his staff, seated upon their horses, were const Itiog near the right of the line drawn up in the edge of the woods. Gen. 1 eal Dow, was snandinft in front of his c mmand, a very amall man with a tre nendously big lat on his head and a monstrous sword dangling to the gro ind at his side, it picture such as one sddom seoa outside the comic collections An aide told (Sen. Dow (perhaps h was only Col. Dow then) that the commander wishel to sea him. Gen. Dow strode down the lir e, the soldiers l iughing at the sight. Gn. Ioww said the cemmander, "you will march out into th it opening yonder, take a position on hat knoll and hold it until further orders some thing to that effect. In sight o:! the entire rigl t wing of the army, Gen. Dow went marching into the opening, his long, heavy sword clanking on the ground behind him, kis big hat xr.aking him lool: like a grasshopper under a toadstool. The commander heard the army laughing and koked for the cause. Wiio is that walking across the opening?" he asked. "Ttat is Gen. Dow,w said everybody. An aide was sent to bring lim book. ,6n, Dow," said the eemmander, "why did you go out there alcne? Why did yu nol take vour command with you?" . "Dear me, General," said Djw, "Ibe-g a thousand pardons. I didn't know you meant for me to take anybody with me. You didn't say so, you know. Washington Post mistook the Reading Gilliflowe:: isn't much of a flower, and the oilier t..ght when reading to his old lashionel wife out of a newspaper, he came across ?n item alout some womai having charge of twenty-five kindergartens. The last n leing a little blurred he read it, "twenty-five tied er garters." "Law-sakes!w exclaimed th old lady, as she snatched off her spectacles in as tonishment, "twenty-five kinl er garters ! No wonder there's so mauy busted peopi.e and repytasheas nowadays. Why, when I was a gtl we usod to knit 'em, or use a string, and if vre wanted something right hand some we'd get the salvidge of the cloth when the boys f:ot a pair of trousers mule out ov store cloth. Now everybody must hav lastios. Twenty-tivo kind'c' garters I An', of course, other things iq match! This ;s wht.t Sarah Togy imi Nairy Ganeett Peer's doin' for us. Then she replaced her spec and weal on with her knitting. Teams Sifting $9 They Were Both Qneitr, A young man with a bad eo; dp-wound called at the office of a Lafa; e ;te avenue doctor yesterday to have it dr assed, end the doctor queried : "Have him arrested for it f "No "Got away, eh? "No" " Won't you have him arrest ;d ?w "No" "Yor musi; be queer." "Iam. So is my wife. We har been tiarried onlv six weeks, aud she gave me this because I ooulda t give hot $3. Detroit Free Press.