Bloomington Telephone, Volume 14, Number 21, Bloomington, Monroe County, 26 July 1889 — Page 3

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"WHEN I KNOCK AT YOUR DOOR.

Vben I knock at your door. May Belle, dearest Though 1 know you arc gmciouB and kind, XxaX your friautlnliip ban grown the sincerest, Three things w ill come tip in my mind. I think of the niht I once knocked there, The time that tit i II mattes my heart ache, When 1 got a great backs t ana shock ther By kissing your ma by mistake. When I knock at your door. May Belle, darling, I recall how I went there to -win, fent the bull dog tehind mo come snarling; And I. -without knocking, bulged in, In t he dark I encountered your father. Who thought me a burglar, no doubt, And without anv questions or Hother, Ere I could explain, kicked me oat. When I knock at your door. May Belle, dearest, Though I know that to me they're resigned, And yon love mo with heart the sincerest. Three things M ill come up in my mir.d ; Three thoughts which 1 never can smother Fill my head with a racket and roar, Yourself, and your father and mother, May Bi'Ue, dear, when I knock at your door. Yankee Blade.

A FORTUNATE RUNAWAY. BY M. K. C. The Jhost" was an old white horse. "He's made up of bones and sinews, and I s'pose, was the ghost of his former self, May said, when she first saw him browsing in the pasture. "The Ghost he was called, by all the children, from that time on. Aunt Phoebe was Silas widder," Grandmother Brown would have told you. Although ten years older than Silas, she had persuaded him to marry her when he was barely 21, and ill with consumption. It was hardly to be expected that his father and mother should approve. Old Mr. Brown did not live many years after his son's marriage and death Grandmother Brown was a quite, gentle, home-loving body, an excellent housekeeper and "proper good helpmeet" as her husband always said; but she was as helpless as a baby about settling the estate, and Aaron, her only surviving child, was but a boy of 12, so Phoebe who was a shrewd, unprincipled woman settled it mostly into her own hands. Since then old Mrs. Brown and her boy, as she still called him, had seen many hard times. Aaron Brown was not calculated to get along well in the world, though he was a steady, hard-working man. He toiled away on the little, rocky farm, and his wife helped him as best she could, bearing all the necessary privations patiently. She was a sweet, lady-like looking woman, with pretty, pink cheeks, and light-brown hair brushed smoothly back. She wore neat, calico dresses, often laded and patched. Grandmother Brown thought she looked like a beautiful Madonna; but Aunt Phcsbe always said : "Harriet has no style. Anna once overheard the remark and repeated it to May. Style, indeed !" the child indignantly exclaimed ; " I hope Fm thankful mamma does not look like her, if that's style. Look at her old freckled face, and her little, snapping black eyes, and dyed hair, all sticky with the horrid, dirtysmelling stuff she puts on it. She needn't thing she looks so fine, with those gold spectacles hanging half way down her nose. They'd drop off If her nose didn't turn up so at the end. I know she wears silk dresses, and has new bonnets every time she comes often enough that is, too and mamma never has any new things, but she always looks nice, and Aunt Phoebe looks like the very old cat "Don't say the old cat. May; it sounds awful. Mamma don't like to have you say it. Aunt Phoebe wouldn't look half so funny if she didn't wear such queer colors, and the biggest of everything. Her bustle is 'most as big as she is, and her bonnet pokes up higher'n any other bonnet in the meeting-house, and it is such a bright green ; and then that purple dress and scarlet parasol ! Such parasols are not for old women; I know they are not. The boys on the meeting-house steps laugh when she goes in. I don't blame them, either. Annie loved soft, subdued colors, quiet tones, and quiet ways. The children were playing up in their own room, one afternoon, in early summer. "Did the stage stop here, Annie? I thought I heard it. Do look and see if any one has come. Annie was on her knees on the floor, close under the sir all dormer window.

putting her dolls to bed. She finished tucking them in and stooped to kiss their faces and say:4 Good night, you dear children. Be good while mamma's gone," before sue raised her head, and pushed back the curtain to look out. Annie was never in a hurry. May was standing on the bed at the other side of the room, trying to fasten a patch-work quilt across one end of a steamboat berth. They were going to play take a journey on the steamboat; as neither of them had ever taken such a journey they had no very clear idea how to arrange a berth. "It stopped, yes ; but I can't see who it is. They are in under the porch now. Oh, my goodness! in a tone of dismay. "It's Aunt Phoebe, that's who it is. I see her big trunk on the back of the stage. The driver's just unstrapping it. What shall we do ? "Grin and bear it, I s'pose just as we always have to," pouted May, as she dropped the blankets. "I could cry if I wasn't so provoked with her. "Well have to stop playing now and go down and do something for her she's always coming and spoiling all our fun. Everyone in the house felt just as the children did about the visitor, though no one else was quite so frank and outspoken in regard to the unexpected arrival If the grandmother had heard the conversation she would have said : "Hush, hush, children ! Don't speak like that ; but she looked anxious and worried herself when she heard the loud, harsh voice of "Silas's widder" at the door. You must not think that they were inhospitable people. They were not that ; they were only poor. Aunt PhoBbe had but recently made them a long visit 8he was not expected again so soon. Old Mrs. Brown anxiously whispered: Wtei in the world shall we get for tapper, Harriet? Thexv's notkbg in

the house but a little rye bread and milk, and Phcebe won't touch that." "Yes there is, mother. There is a quarter of a pound of tea I bought for you I krew you ought to have tea, and there is a very little wheat flour. I can make quick biscuit enough for Phoebe; and there is some current Jam, and a little butter. I'm glad I saved it out. Phoebe never thinks sha can get along without butter, as we have to, so much of the time." The Browns had to sell all the butter they could make to pay for Avhat they needed from the store. Though Mrs. Brown had planned one meal for her visitor, she sighed wearily when she thought of the many ethers to be planned before the visit was ended. Aunt Phoebe never stayed less than six weeks. They were just now more than usually pinched, try ing to scrape together money enough to pay for a horse. The children were in the habit of helping their father on the farm. They were delighted to own ;i horse. May, who, though the younger, took the lead in everything, was not long in learning to drive. They had very little time for play, but they never seemed to mind it except when Aunt Phoebe was there. She sent them on so many errands that the little play they had was sadly interrupted. As soon as Aunt Phcebe heard of the horse she said : "Now. brother Aaron, I want you should have the children take me t'morrer, out to Uncle Joseph's to spend the afternoon. I'm so glad you've got a horse, so I can go more when I'm here. So many folks feel hurt 'cause I don't visit 'em oftener. I know Aunt Sarah 11 be dretful glad t' see me, and May's a real 'cute little driver, I just saw her driving into the yard." Mr. Brown had intended to use the horse to cultivate corn; but he had learned long ago that yielding to Phoebe's wishes was the only path to peace, and he knew what a relief it would be to his wife and mother to have her out of the way, so he did not think of refusing her the use of the horse though he felt very sorry for his little girls. He knew that they would have a trying afternoon. May's sunny face clouded when she heard what tbey must do. She had expected to ride the horse for her father to cultivate com. She always enjoyed that. The birds sang so joyously out on the hillside, and she could look off' over the green, cool-looking mowing-lot to the pretty gurgling brook, fringed with ferns, and sweet-flag, and mint. " Never mind, May," Annie whispered, "it will be ever so much nicer than having to run all over town for her on our own feet, as we have always had to before." "How do we know it will be anyeasier to drive to suit her than 'tis to do anything else ? "I wonder you didn't buy a decentlooking horse whilst you was about it, Aaron," Aunt Phcebe remarked, as she climbed into the back seat of the long wagon. She was a tall, large woman. "The Ghost" walked slowly out, a.1 was his habit at starting. "Do 'tend to your drivin, child, and make-that horse go, can't you?" May took the whip and switched him a little. He gave a sudden start and went a trifle faster. "There, May JJrown!- I won't have that ! Don't you whip him again ; he'll run away and throw us all out, just as sure as you do it!" May did not venture to whip him again, but she was reprimanded none the less for that. If he went fast, it was "There now! You'll drive this horse to death, 'foie your poor father ever gets him paid for, too. It's a sin for a child to act so." If he went more slowly, it was, "Now, May Brown, don't you let this horse creep along so; they ain't no sense in it. I know I could make him go good. ' At last she said: "Well, I can't stand your tricks no longer, I'd rather trust Annie- Annie, you drive." The child meekly obeyed, and, in her nervousness, gave a sharp twitch which started up the horse. "There! What're you up to now? Drive slower." They were on the brow of !a long hill, and "The Ghost" was not disposed to go slowly just there. Annie could, not stop him at once. Aunt Phoebe became more and more angry, until at last she stood up, holding in one hand the bright scarlet parasol so obnoxious to Annie's eyes, and attempted to grasp the reins herself. She succeeded only in giving one line a quick, sharp pull. Now "The Ghost' all unknown to his present owners, had been, in his youth, a fiery steed much given to hasty flight s over the roads wlea anything occurred that he did not exuctly understand. That flaming reel thing towering over hi3 head, and the itharp strong pull cn one line acted on him like a draught from the fountain of youth. He instantly turned to the right and flew over the ground like a young colt. Annie and May were thrown out in';o the swamp aud well covered with black mud but nuinjurei. They picked themselves up ar d crawled out to the road, two sorrowful little maidens, with their pretty, cheap sun-hats all crushod and broken, their light calico dresses light no longer, their wavy, brown hair matted with mud, and their hands and faces covered with it. "Papa says some people believe in mud baths," said Annie, with doleful amusement, "but I don't." "Papa'll want to put us in the cornfield to scare the orows away," laughed May. "We look funny enough, I'm sure, but do look at Ar.nt Phcsbe! Oh, it's enough to make the bushes laugh !" "I s'pose 'The Ghost' is running away. I never saw a runaway horse before." "Do you believe he'll upset her and break the wagon ? What would father

do without the wagon?" Annie was half crying thinking what a loss it would be; to her father when May broke out in merry, ringing laughter. "The Ghost" was flying over the crest of hill. He would soon be out of sight. Aunt Phcebe had dropped the lines and was clinging for dear life to the back seat of the wagon. The crooked

end of her long-handled parasol had caught in some fold of her dress and streamed out behind like a fiery banner; the green bonnet would have gone long before, like John Gilpin's liat and wig, had it not been tied under her chin; it had slipped from her head and fluttered alter her like a groat green parrot; her greenish-blue, changeable silk shawl puffed ou t M'ith wind like a gigantic soap-bubble. Altogether it was, as quiet Annie remarked, "enough to make the bushes laugh." "The Ghost" had taken a lonely road as ghosts do. There were few houses and they met no one who could stop the horse. Some children playing by the roadside, ran in to say, "Oh, ma! there's a circus woman coram' ! Look quick, quick !" Long after she had passed they gazed down the road expecting to see the elephant following. A boy, killing potato bugs in a field, looked up when he heard the clattering of the wagon, aud cried: "Good lordy massy! Ef it ain't Aaron Brown's 'Ghost' runnin' away ! Got some crazy critter in there, too. Wall, 'tain't s'prizin' that he sh'd run like that with sech a woman in behind." With wide-opon mouth and eyes he watched them out of sight. An old man hoeing corn over on a hill-top caught a glimpse of the strange apparation, with his dim, blurred eyes, and exclaimed : "What on airthisit?

Is the Day o' Jedgment comin'? Looks j

like er fiery chari'fc. I do' know but the end o' the world'a nigh. I mus' git home t' my ole woman." He hastened down tho hill to his house, where he was met with angry exclamations from that same old woman. "See it! Yis, I saw it," she sneered. "Nothin' in the worl' but er horse runnin' erway with er woman not 'fore her senses hed run erway with her, 'nuther. I do' know but the woiT is comin' to an end when wimmen ole wimmen, too are fio full o' pride and vanity ?t they rig theirsel's out like that searin' ole horses an ole men both out o' their senses- ef thev ever had any." On and on they went, Aunt Phoebt holding fast to the seat, making no at tempt to drive, but every little while shouting, "Whoa! whoa!" Her shrill voice mingled with ths loud clattering noise of the rickety wagon only frightened the horse and made him run the faster. Just as he was getting considerably calmed down, Aunt Phcebe:s courage revived. She held to the seat with one hand, gathered up the lines with the other, and again pulled one line around thev whirled. The shafts were broken, and the wagon turned over, and Aunt Phoebe landed in a tobacco field over the fence. "The Ghost" freed from that rattling thing behind him stopped and waited. Aunt Phcebe called lustily for help. Farmer Jones and his men, working at the other end of the field, witnessed the catastrophe and came quickly to her aid. Fortunately no bones were broken, though she was somewhat bruised. The green bonnet was flattened and the scarlet parasol hai' outlived its usefulness," as oS&glfthe men remarked

HE iOUM MK. SNAGGS

when he picked it up. Her shawl was

in rags, her bustle twisted around on one side, and her nose bloody. "She looks like er game rooster thet's hed the wurst uv er fight," one of the

boys said, as he glanced over his shoul-!

der at her. Farmer Jones was helping her into the house and saying, " Mighty lucky, madam, that you was near a house. You come right in and make yourself as comfortable 's you can. They ain't no woman here to help you fix up the damages, I am sorry to say. I'm er lone man. You won't find everything shipshape ; I ain't a muster hand at housekeepin'. My wife was, though. I lost her Ugh a year ago. Yis, I lost her." He took out a soiled handkerchief and wiped his eyes. Aunt Phoebe looked at him keenly before she said, "I'm a widder, I know how t' sympathize with you." The broken shafts were tied up and one of the men sent home with the horse and wagon. "The Ghost" looked weary and woe-begone enough after his unaccustomed exercise. After dark Farmer Jones drove up to Aaron Brown's. He was in a fine carriage driving a pair of handsome, black horses. Aunt Phoebe sat by his side arrayed in one of his late wife's bonnets. She was no longer "Silas's Widder." They had stopped at the minister's on the wav. She came for her clothes, and to say "good-by." She had made her last long visit at "Brother Aaron's." May wrhispered to Annie, Now we can have peace, and time to play. I just love The Ghost for spilling her over into that man's tobacco field." When they were alone together, Mr. Brown said to his wife: "Harriet, it was a mighty lucky dav for us when we bought 'The Gho.st.'" "

Two Ways of Telling a Story, Lawyer Now, Mr. Costello, will you have the goodness to answer me, directly and categorically, a few plain questions ? Witness Certainly, sir.

"Now, Mr. Costello, is there a female !

at present living with you who is known in the neighborhood as Mrs. Costello?" "There is." "Js she under your protection?" "She is," "Now, on your oath, do you maintain her?" "I do." "Have you ever been married to her?" "I have not!" Here several severe Jurors scowled gloomily at Mr. Costello. "That is all, Mr. Costello; you may go down." Opposing Counsel Stop one moment, Mr. Costello. Is the feuaafo in question your grandmother? "Yes, she is." Fiber and Fabric.

And Probably Kocoi Vi-! More Satisfaction Than lit, Wtintml. "Ha! Caught you at last, have I?" The tall, powerful man who uttered these words stood in the center of a group at a street corner in a far Western town. As he .spoke he brought his hand down heavily on the shoulder of a mild-looking stranger who was passing by and turned him half-way round. The tall, powerful man had previously winked at the bystanders. "You don't remember me, I s'pose?" ho continued, with a tierce frown, as he tightened his clutch on the strauger's shoulder. "Why, no; I can't say T do?" replied the mild-maunered man, looking at him wonderingly, "You've forgot all about the time you leaned out! of a car jest pullin' out of

Cheyenne, and knocked my hat off, I .

reckon ? "I certainly don't remember anything j

of the kind, protested the bewildered stranger. "I never saw you before." "O, yes, you did! ' You may have forgot it. but I haven't. Aud he em

phasized the assertion by a vigorous j

shake. I haven t forgot it, an Ive said a thousand times since then that if I ever met you agin I'd make you apologize or tight." "Now that I think of it," said the mild-looking stranger, stopping to pick up his hat, which had fallen to the ground during the shaking process, "it seems to me I do remember something. I suppose I am bound to give you satisfaction for it." His bewildered look had all gone by this time. Placing himself in an attitude of defense he danced about tho big man in a way startlingly suggestive of previous practice. "Before I mop the sidewalk with you," said the other, "I want to be sure I ain't mistaken. Your namo is is Snaggs, ain't it?" "Snaggs, replied the stranger, planting a blow on his antagonist's jaw, "certainly ! Snaggs will do as well as anything else. Snaggs it is!" "But, hold on! I want to be dead sure! The man I'm lookin' for is Jerusalem Snaggs." "You've found him, my friend," exclaimed the stranger, as he banged him on the nose. "I'm Jerusalem Snaggs," he continued, making a feint with his left and administering a vicious upper cut with his right. "O, yes, I am Snaggs (biff), from (whack) Snaggsville, Snaggs County (bang), near the headwaters of Snaggy Creek. Office hours from 1 to 24. Come early and avoid the rush." With a final blow under the ear he laid the burly fellow flat on the ground. As he turned to go he said: "My name, gentleman, is Jerusalem Snaggs, of course, but for convenience ake I go around under an alias." And he took from his vest pocket a ?ard and threw it on the prostrate body of the big man. After he had gone away somebody picked it up and read: ; D. JEMPSEY, : : PROFESSOR OF SCIENTIFIC BOXIXC. : JWfiPECLlIi ATTENTION DEVOTED : i : to : TRAINING PUGILISTS. : Chicago Tribune.

"How long do mosquitoes live?" asks

a correspondent. That depends a good !

deal on the kind of fellow they light on

Somewhat Too Witty. It's a ejreat thing to be ready-witted. We saw an instance of it the other day. Over at the Union Depot, iu Caual street, they have an "information bureau," and a neat sign over the window announces the fact. It's a very clever idea, since a great many people frequently want to know something about the town or about trains, but it U the only one in town and it strikes unsophisticated folks as very queer. I 6aw a flip young fellow lock at the sign the other day and smile. Then he went up to the window and I knew he was going to try to be funny at the bureau man's expense. I edged up carelessly and heard him ask: "What kind you got?" "Kind o what?" asked the information man. "Kind of information?" said the flip young man. Tbe bureau man "tumbled." in a second. He saw he had run agaiusta joker, buthe didn't show it in his manner. He just isaid, in a business-like tone and a perfectly straight face : "All kinds." "Does it come with or without?"

"Both way. Which'll you have it?" j

"Got any cut bias?" "Plenty, and stripes down the side." "Is it red, white and blue?" "It is, and shot with stars; also fringed. How much'll you have?" The humorist seemed to be disappointed in some way, for he mumbled something and sneaked away, looking as crushed as a banana-peel under a 200pound man's boob. I asked the man at the window if he had many customers of this kind. He laughed and said that thetraveliug men usually had fun with him when they had time. Chicago Mail. A Big Girl. Mothers are always surprised when their daughters grow beyond their reach. Mother England is perpetually astounded at what her huge American daughter has accomplished, and when our enterprise steps in and shows her how to do things she doe3 not always comply with very good grace, The Fall Mall Gazette recently complained of the invasion of England by American girls who carry off the best matrimonial prizes under the very noses of their English sisters. This is not the only form of American invasion of England which has come about in recent years. When we were in Loudon in 1871 the only American products we saw were Wenham ice and the hrrse railroad in the City Road, then jut opened, and which the merchants going down to the city fought very shy, preferring to ride on the top of omnibuses rather than encourage such a new-fangled Yankee notion. We were about the only passenger that ventured to enter the car. But now-a-days American productions are everywhere met in England. To say nothing of American in

ventions like the telephone, there are American plays in English theaters, American books in English shops, and American magazines on English newsstands. Harper has a circulation in England of over 30,000 copies a month, far more than that of any English magazine selling at the same price. With American literature goes American thought, which in time must modify English opinion on many topics of which it now takes a narrow and prejudiced v ie w. Reasons for Insomnia, Are you afllicted with insomnia? Perhaps you have too much time for sleep. Perhaps you depend too much on sleep for rest and recuperation. Eor sleep is not the sole rest of used-up nerves. Sociability, congeniality and the enjoyment of good company rest the body quite as much as sleep. Tho dreary inonotonv of life in many a household, involving this tumbling into bed with the mechanical regularity of a machine at 9 or 10 o'clock in the evening, does not always rest weary bodies. "Early to bed and early to rise" does not always make a man healthy, wealthy, or wise, Numbers of organizations are only capable of five or six hours' sleep at a time, and their early lying down to rest is often tiucceeded by an early waking up and a consequent restless tossing for hours preceding daybreak. Tbe.practicers of punctuality are often surprised after breaking their own castiron rules, and passing two or three later hours of mirth and jollity past their usual bed time, to find themselves even more refreshed in the morning than usual. The relaxation of sociability has rested them mere than would sleep or an attempt to sleep. But these are conditions r ot so easily reached in the average family. In fashionable life we have a formal, exhausting and mechanical evening of more or less dissipation. On the other hand the evenings of great numbers of families are monotonous humdrum. They iuvolve the assemblage of the same people, the same surroundings, the same paterfamilias yawning over his paper, and the same querulous mamma overladen with family cares. Fresh people with fresh thought, fresh atmosphere, anything to stir up and agitate the pool of domestic stagnation, are sadly needed and sadly scarce. There needs to be also a constant succession of such fresh people to bring about these results. The world is full of men and women, and in a better regulated life it would be the business after the day's work was done to entertain each other and give each other fresh life. As it is now, hundreds if not thousands of our households are little better than cells for the incarceration of each family. Thousands are thus worn out prematurely from utter lack of domestic recreation. There might be written over the graves of hundreds of thousands : "Bored to death by the stagnation of domestic hie," The Christian at Work. Ycry Close Quarters. This lively incident occurred during the recent stay of the due d'Orleans in India, where he has been serving as a lieutenant in the British army. He visited Lord Duffer in at Calcutta, and a grand tiger hunt was organized, which lasted six weeks and ranged over 160 miles of country. The duke shot eight tigers. The incident referred to he relates as follows: "Two cubs of a tigress had been shot, and the mother hemmed in by a line of elephants. There was an idea that she was crouching in a small patch of jungle behind a tree on the bank of a small stream, but none of our elephants could be got anywhere near it. After some time, my elephant, being pluckier than the others, wa3 induced to move forward and push a tree down. While thus engaged, the tigress sprang out from beside it with a roar and a tremendous leap right to the top of my howdah, smashing in the front of it breaking my gun with one blow of her paw and exploding the right barrel before I had time to fire. This is the gun," producing a double-barreled rifle broken in two pieces just below the barrels, the trigger guards and metal plates wrenched off and twisted by the force of the plow, and one barrel discharged, the other still at half-cock. "Fortunately for me," continued the prince, "she then tumbled backward, possibly startled by the explosion, and made off for the jungle. My elephant, mad with fright, bolted in the opposite direction, and for a considerable distance nothing would stop her. When at length we got back to the others we found the whole line of elephants so demoralized that we had to give up the sport for the day, and return to the oamp. Next morning we cornered our game in nearly the same spot, and I had good luck to bring her down just as she was crossing the river." "What became of the mahout when the tigress leaped on the elephant?" was asked. "Oh, he managed to slip around in some extraordinary way under the elephant's ears, and was unhurt, but lost his headdress." On and off a Bicycle. Tommy (to amateur bicyclist) Sister said she saw you riding your bicycle last evening. Bicyclist That wis impossible. I have not ridden for a week. Ton'niy (positively) Well, it was quite dark when she saw the fellow she thoupht was you. She was positive it was yen. Bicyclist Why was she so positive? Tommy Because you kept falling off your machine ail ithe time you were in sight. Energetic Sinking. At one of the private schools for little ones in this village a few days ago the teacher was instructing the scholars in singing. They were lather tilow in their time, and she began to beat the time in an energetic manner, and carried it on until they had sung themselves nearly out of breath. When the exercise was over the 4-year-old daughter of one of our physicians exclaimed, between her gasps for breath: "My, Miss , we hooped her up Eliza Jane that time, didn't we? Catskill Mail

A Remarkable Accident "Help! Help! Take it off The above cry startled Principal Huber o! the Evangelical Lutheran School. He rushed from ;he school -house and was surprised to uee one of his pupils, pretty 11-year-old Pauline Arndt, come toward him with a flat tin coffee-can protruding from her mouth. Pauline carries her dinner in a basket. Her coffee she carries in a flat tin can, the cover of wrhich is screwed on. After eating her dinner and drinking her coffee Tuesday nooi she playfully stuck her tongue into the small hele on top, and when she attempted to withdraw that useful member she found she could not do so. She ran screaming to the s ihool-house and Mr. Huber tri d to relieve her, but found he could no do so. The imprisoned tongue had rapidly swollen, making it impossible to draw it back again. Picking her up in hifl arms, the teacher took her to his home, 79 Mitchell avenue. Dr. J. Siofert was summoned and put the suffering little one to sleep by means of chloroform... Piece by piece the can was cut away, but when the small band around the tongue was reached the physician was balked. Only for a moment, however. A file was procured and the band carefully filed away. When this wasi done -the child was brought back to consciousness and taken home. Pauline was all right again in a few hours, and her tongue once more resumed its normal state. Denver Sua. Unfortunate All Around. An Austin man was going North with his wife last week, and the ;rain started off very suddenly while he was talking with his friends. He grabbed hold of a woman, chucked her on the train, jumped after her, and away they went, fifty miles an hour, with his. wife shrieking and tearing her hair o:i the platform, and a woman he neve saw before going into high pressure hysterics in the car, and calling him a monster and yelling, "Save ma!" By a terrible zr istake he had got hold of the wrong weman, or he was the wrong man. At any rate the conductor, refusing to lister to his explanations, kicked him oul of the car, the brakeman chucked him into the ditch, the Sheriff met him before he was half way back to town anc. put handcuffs on him and when at last he got home torn and bleeding his olde st son met him at the gate and threatened to lick him for abusing mother. He entered his house at length and found his business partner holding his "wife on his lap trying to dry her tears and console her, and telling her that there were men in the world who loved, her much better, than her faithless hus band ever did. A great deal of explanation was necessary on all sides. Texas Sifting 9, Going to Washington. Three Philadelphia care, sharjrers entered a train in that city, and succeeded in getting seats beside a tureen looking young fellow, whom the; knew had a big wallet They were very polite, he was genial. He explained that he was going to Washington, they ware, too, so lucky, etc, etc. A little game was proposed and started. The countryman played awkwardly, but was evidently enjoying the fun. High stakes followed, veiy high. They let the countryman van, of course Suddenly he started up. "I must get off here," lie said ; "I ant on the wrong train." "Eh! What ?" they ejaculated; yoi said you were going to Witshington!" "Yes, I am," he replied, "to Washington, Pennsylvania. Good-day. The green sountryman was. not as verdant as he looked, and was not going to Washington, Pennsylvania. He took the next train to the capital. Texan Debts of Gratitude, To the heroes of Texas iihe people ar a indebted for the broad, rertile valleys of the Pacific slope ami the great wealth-produciig hills of the Rocky Mountains, an expanse of country capsble of supporting untold millions of people and destined to be the homes cf their posterity for centuries to come. To their successful resistance to Mexican dictation if directly due the addition of all tho great territory of the West to the domain of the American Union. Many people hve, with heroic efforts, accomplished noble deeds which eventuated much that was great and grand, but the heroes of Texas tail the foundation of an empire, thegrowtti and development of whioh no human foresight can prophesy. Fhiladelphi Times. An Ulustratic n. Jack Handy learned t ie word ditto at school one day, and recited the definition three tines, in chorus with the others: "Ditto, the same; ditto, the same; ditto, the same." Then the teacher told the class that she should expeot a sentence from each one the next day, in which the new word should be introduced correctly. Jack toiled i or a leng time over his sentence that evening, an l just before going to bed, lie showed his paper 1o his family witl. great prii te, as they all sat around the sitting-room table. This was the result of his efforts: "Ditto the same. I bought me a anew nife ls; Saturday, and another boy tought hyn one ditto day.Youth's Companion. Something to Be Tha nkfal Star, "Have you done anything for mel asked the condemned ixan, in pitiful tones, as his lawyer entered the cell. "Yes, indeec," said the legal genth man, gleefully. "Oh, what in it," demanded the murderer, "a pardin?" "No." "A commuthtion of sentence ?w "No." "Then iu morcy's name, what? "I have succeeded," said the lawyer, "in having the day of your execution changed from Friday to "Monday. Friday is an unlucky day, you know. Yankee Bladt . Morals difler from tustonis in so fur as the former are certainly the scienoe of human happiness, while the latter is the result of 1 abit and exam ale, ofton formed, we kr ow not how, and as otUm unwholesome as wholeroihe.