Bloomington Telephone, Volume 14, Bloomington, Monroe County, 28 June 1889 — Page 2

THB MTTU5 THINGS OF i-IFK. Soft scarlet clonda flacked all the aky, Pal twilight still delaying, TOien ko a oaild a mother -wild Cried, "May, where were you straying! "O mother, dear. I wandered far By field and eopsewood cover, Axkl searched in rain oach grassy plate JFor one small four-leaf clover. "I long to dream a lovelydr-am. And wake to lind it real." " ' "Ah. siiviple child." the mother smiled "Too -well you love the ideal. But look beside yon mossy alone, My reckless little rover, For very sear I see from here Your long-sought four-leaf clover. And think. May, while you gather it Green in the cool gray gloaming, ' Bow often grow close by and low The gifts we seek by roaming. Then, if you learn to find at home Small joys you ones looked over, You 11 bless the day you whiled awajr In seeking four-leafed clover."

A JEALOUS HUSBAND.

frAKEXFROM THE RUSSIAN BY EVSXTN THORP.

an;' x

There was a performance that ijight at the Italian Opera. Ivan Audreitch entered the crowded house like a bomb and threw a rapid glance through all the boxes. Oh surprise! His heart stopped beating. His wife was there. She 3at in the same box with Gen. Polooitsine, his wife, his aide-de-camp, a young man in civiliftn's clothes, on whom Ivan Audreitch's attention at once became riveted. "She is here! And she said she would not come !"

These sudden veerings on Glafia's

were killing Ivan Audreitch. Ah !

That unknown young man in civilian's

clothes! In what horrible despair he had thrown the aged husband! Ivan Audreitch sank into an orchestra chair. The first act passed over him as though it had not been. He did not hear a note. But just as the curtain was going down our hero had an adventure. It will sometimes happen that a stray programme comes floating down from tome upper gallery to alight on an ununexpectant head below.- But Ivan

Audreitens adventure was more unheard-of. What the jealous husband received on his honorable bald pate, polished like the knob of a walking stick, was that infamous and ineffable object a scented billet-doux! That it was a billet-doux there could be no doubt For are not such epistles always scented ? Moreover, it was folded, and folded again, in so small and treacherous and coquettish a shape that it could easily have found a place in the palm of a lady's glove. Now I ask the reader to judge Why should Ivan Audreitch have believed ineradicably, at once, that this billetdoux had fallen by mistake, from one certain box out of all the four tiers of boxes in that great theater? But all passions are exclusive and unreason

able, and jealousy, I ween, is the most

elusive and unreasonable of all.

Ivan Audreitch hurried into the foyer and tore the note open. This evening, after the performance, in G street, House, third floor." Ivan Audreitch did not recognize the hand-writing. But what of that, so long as there was a rendezvous on the tapis? "Ah! to overtake this treachery! To nip it in the bub!" There were ladies and young men in all the boxes. The note might have slipped from the hand of any one of these. But no evidence could have shaken Ivan Audreitch's belie! He ascended to the box where his wife sat and then came down again. He rushed about the corridors during the rest of the performance without being able to compose himself. At last, as the opera was about terminating in a great uproar, he seized his topc&at and fled to Gt street He soon found the house, and was hastening up the stairs when he saw a young man hurrying on before him. On the third floor a door stood half open. Ivan Audreitch would have liked to atop a moment for reflection, but at that instant he heard the down stairs door open noisily and a heavy step, accompanied by a cough, resound on the stairs. He violently pushed the door open, precipitating himself into the apartment with all the grotesque solemnity of an outraged husband. A servant tried to bar lis way. But to stop Ivan Audreitch Was njw impossible. He traversed two dark rooms and burst, like an apparition, into a third, at the same moment that a young and pretty lady hurried out by another dooj, exclaiming: "My husband r Ivan Audreitch began to perceive that he had not had time enough for reflection on the landing outside, and that he had made a shocking mistake. But could he turn back? The outer door opened ; the husband was coming in. I don't know why Ivan Audreitch did not go directly out to meet him, explain the mistake, apologize and disappear, and perhaps without glory, but in any case without disgrace. But no. He acted as though he were a Don Juan or a Lovelace. He had been concealed hitherto by the bed curtains, and now he slipped beneath th?m. Suspicious husband himself he c id not, perhaps, dare confront another h isband in these conditions. And there he was, under the bed, without being able to explain to himself how he got there. The lady's husband came in and threw himself into a chair, shaken by a tremendous fit of coughing. Ivan Audreitch was afraid to draw a long breath. With infinite precautions he began stretching himself out that he might, at leant, be more at his ease, when, suddenly, another hand seized his. There was a second man under the bed! "Who's there?" cried Ivan Audreitch in a whisper. "That's it! I'm likely to tell you at once who I am! Be still.0 But "Be still r And the supernumerary man for there was scarcely room for twopressed Ivan Audreitch's hand so tightly that he almoat cried out, "Sir!" M,Shr "Free my hand or I shall scream? "Try itr

Ivan Audreiti :h blushed with shame, "My little an$;el," began the husband, "I havo just some from Pavel Ivanoviteh's. We pi lyed a game of whist (cough), and then (cough) ah! the devil ! my back " cough). "For God's sake, give me a little more room!" whispered the wretched Ivan Audreitch "How can I? There's none to give!" "But you muitt see that I cannot remain in such i position ! It 's the Hi s t time " "Silencer "Young man, you forget yourself! You forget to -whom you are speaking!" "I am speaking to a man under the bed." "But if I am toere, sir, it's because of a mistake! If you won't give me a lit

tle more room shall have an attack of

apoplexy, and jrou will be responsible for my death! I am an honorable man, the head of a ft.milyl I can't remain in such a position !" "Why did jou put yourself in it, then? Willyoi be quiet? Don't you understand that if they hear us we are lost ? 'Sh ! T iiey are talking !" As a mattei of fact the old man's cough was grxnang less. "My little angel, Fedosey Ivanoviteh told me of a renedy to take a leaf tea. He said 1 might go into consumption. Tshe! Tshe!" "Good Heaven! Why do you say that?" cried th3 wife. "Oh!" whispered Ivan Audreitch. "Well, what i the matter now? Can't you keep quiet in "You wish to offend me, young man. I see that clearly. "Silence!" "Not at all ! I have nothing ib fear ! "Very well! If we are discovered I shall tell them that you are ray uncle and that you dragged me hear!" "You are making game of me !" "Keep silent, or 111 force you to do so! If it had not been for you I should have remained here until morning and then slipped out undetected!" "But I can't remain here until morning! I am a respectable member of society. But wl o are you? I beg of you

to tell me at o ice I "I have nc thing to tell you. Keep still r ' "My dear," iaid tae old gentleman, "don't you Inar some cats purring around here?" "What cats r What do you mean ?" said the young wife. "Why, Vaski, to be sure. I certainly heard somethi lg. Perhaps it was rats. " "Ah, now it is rats! What ails you to-night?" "Well, perhips it's neither rats nor cats nothing at all. Tshe! Tshe?" (Coughs.) "Are you saisfied? They heard us." "But if you only knew how uncomfortable I am," wiled Ivan Audreitch below his breaih. "My nose is bleed-ing-" "Well, let it bleed, and keep quiet." "Young man. I should like to know, really, in wha; societv I find mvself ?" 'Sh ! They are talking again." "Beally, my dear, I think I hear something." "Oh, no. 1 he cotton must be loose in your ears." ' "Speaking of cotton, do you know that on the flor above " "On the flcor above!" repeated the young man in a whisper. "Is this the second floor, ihen?" "What! What did you say, young man? The second floor! Why, I thought this was the third floor!" "'Sh!" "I met a veiy pretty little woman going up the stairs," began the old gentleman anew. "Well, I do:i't see that that need concern you.r "Don't be angry, my dear," said the old gentleman, coughing again. "You don't seem to be in a good humor tonight." "A pretty Lttle woman," murmured the young ma i, visibly uneasy. "She is waiting for me, perhaps. I must get away from he: e at once" " 'She f W ho is 'she V Who are you talking about That I should be imprisoned here !" "I shall get out, cost what it may." "Young ma i, what are you doing? What is to be some of me?" whispered Ivan Audreitch, clinging to his neighbor's coat tail . "Eh! Whf.t's that to me? Keep still here until morning and then you can slip out unnoticed. When they have seen me crawl out from under the bed they won t be likely to suspect that there is any o le else here. Two men under one bed at the same time that's rather stiff! Why not twelve ?n "Heavens ! I am going to sneeze !" "Don't dar to have that audacity!" "But what im I to do? If you would

only take my handkerchief out of my.

pocket. Oh, why have I been punished in this way?" "Here is ycur handkerchief. Are you aware of the ;'act that this comedy may have a very t ragic ending? That this old gentlemm may be furious if he hears you ? As for me, I am here by mistake. I intended to go up a flight higher, but got in here and was obliged to hide." "How your little dog barks!" said the old gentleman. In point of fact the lady's dog had just awakenel from a nap and was barking furiously with her nose under the bed. "Here, Amishka," cried the lady. But Amisbka persisted in foraging around over Ivan Audreitch's face. "What can be the matter with her, my dear?" wondered the old gentleman. "She is biting my nose!" Ivan Audreitch meanwhile was whispering under the bed. "Don't speak I Don't move!" "Do you want me to lose my nose?" said Ivan Audreitch, and suddenly the lit tle dog's barking ceased.

"Wretch, what are you doing? cried the young man in a whisper. But Ivan Audreitch paid no heed. He strangled the dog outright. "Amishka! Amishka!" shrieked the lady. And then, all at once "Brigands ! Barbarians ! There arc some people under the bod!" "What! Where? Under the bod !" The old gentleman seized a candlestick. Iva i Audreitch's companion, who had btoai watching all liis move?

ments, slipped out as he went around 'a the head of the bed. "Heaven!" gasped the lady. " Amishka's assassin is under the bed 1 said the young man and tied. Meantime the old gentleman hat caught lvnn Audreitch by the foot. "Murder!" Murder!" screamed the lady. "Amishka r "Come out!" vociferated the old gentleman. 'Come out! Who are you? Speak at once!" "In God's name, Excellency," implored Ivan Audreitch, "don't call any one ! Your Excellency, all this is a mistake, which I shall explain," gasped the unfortunate creature with teats,, "It's all on account " "You are a thief!" "No, your Excellency, I am not a thief. I only made a mistake in thu

door. Madame," continued Ivan Audreitch, turning with clasped hands to the lady, "you are a worn an you will understand. I killed Amishka, but I am deeply humiliated ; I am drinking the very dregs of the cup. Your High nes for it is a Prince to whom I have the honor of speaking, is it not?" "Eh? No. Stop flattering me and tell me how you got in here !" "Under cover of darkness, by making a mistake in the door. You see before you a jealous husband! Ah! I knew you would laugh, It is like a romance, of course. In the middle of the night, in a large city, a man under the bed! But Madam will permit me to send her a little dog in place of the one I so unfortunately n "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" laughed the lady, "What a ridiculous creature !" "Your Excellency, if I dared I would offer you my hand. I had an ignoble jealousv of my wife, but I ani now cured of it." "His wife!" shrieked the lady, laughing more and more. "Yes, your Excellency, I intercepted a billetdoux. X intended to go to the third floor of this house, but I made Bb mistake, and then I hid under the bed" "Ha, ha, ha!" "But I am sure now that my wife is quietly at home and asleep." "Ha, ha, ha, ha!" "Well, hasten home yourself as fast as you can, then," said the 1 lady ; "and I hope some time to make your wife's acquaintance." "Certainly! As for me, I am most happy! Most happy!" Ivan Audreitch bowed and retreated. In the street he stood a long time in expectation of an attack ol apoplexy,. He took off his hat, mopped his brow., which was covered with cold perspiration, closed his eyes, reflected, and then went home. He had the pleasure of hearing that Glafira Petrovna had come from the theater a long time since. Ivan Audreitch asked for water to bathe his face, had his clothes brushed and appeared before his wife. '"And where have vou been all this at time, sir? And, Heaven, what do you look like? Where have you been, I say?" . "My dear" At that moment Ivan Audreitch felt the need of gaining some countenance by the use of his pocket handkerchief But oh, horror! with his handkerchief he drew out of his pocket the dead body of Amishka! He had forgotten that, at the instant of assassination, and to cover up its tracks he had stuffed his victim into h;s pocket, from which she now emerged like a spectre. "What's that? Horrors!" screamed Gilfira Petrovna. "My dear," stammered Ivan Audreitch, almost as dead as Amishka, "my angel!" "Ha, ha,ha, ha!" 'Twouldn't Work. He was a plain, farmer-like man, and he was in charge of a young man with his head bound up and otherwise injured. After one of his trips to tlio water cooler to give his patient a drink, one of the passengers inquired : "That young man met with an accident?" "That's exactly what he met with, sir. Gosh dern him !" "Relation o' yours?" "My second oldest boy, Bill. I'm taking him home to be nursed up. Liked to have" had his empty head knocked off." "Careless, eh? . How was it?" "Wall, a young feller up our way tumbled off a train on this road and broke & leg and got $2,000 damages. It sort o' give our Bill eunthin' to think of, and after getting a good ready lie starts out to go up tq Rochester. What does ho do, after riding a ways, bat stick his noodle out of the window, ami purty soon along comes a switch board and flattens his face until you can play marbles on it. Ho's mendyig fast, but he's going to carry a phiz around with him which'll scare a yaller pup out of a year's growth." "And the company refuses to comb down?" "Of course it does. Bill wont agiji the rules and regulations, and he's left. If he'd had his head knocked off I might have got a few hundred on a compromise, but as it is he'll have to grin and bear it. That is, if his grinner wasn't smashed all to flinders along with his nose. Hey, Bill, how you feeling now?" "Purty weak, father." "Shouldn't wonder, but it's all right. Boy o your age, who ain't got nut h in' but marsh hay in his head, deserves no pity. Jist lay back and 9 take it easy and reflect on whether you are going to hire out to a dime museum or hum; a cave in the hills." Suitable For All Turposes. Assistant (in ready-made clothiag shop to customer) This overcoat is the best I can do for you. It may be a trifle loose, but it will be all right for next winter and save buying a new one. These boys grow so. Customer Grow! I hope he won't. He is an infant pianist and keep: the whole family. Assistant (whispering in the ear of customer) Well, I don't mind telling youthia is what we oall our 'well-wool accommodation garment.' Send your little lKy out in the rain for only cue hour and it will fit him so that you ill have to use & shoehorn to get him out.

J Mother. There was a timid knock at the -loor of the country printing oltice, or rather the room which I dubbed the "sanctum" of the Weekly Palladium, over whose destinies I presided. After the usual "come in" there entered a faded and bent old lady, whose dress immediately proclaimed her as a resident of the far back townships. She had a frightened, bewildered look, and her bombazine dress was dusty and wrinkled with the long ride she had taken over the Kansas prairies in her trip to the county seat. I regretted having called out so roughly and apologized. Slie did not notice my apology, but asked in a trembling voice: "Is this the printin' oflice?" "Yes, ma'am," I replied "what can I do for you?" "I saw ye didn't have notliin' about John in the paper." I did not know John from Adam and was about to tell her so, but was glad a moment after that I did not. "I told the undertaker," she went on, "ter see that the paper knew about it; 14 but I 'spose he didn't." "No, he never told me, I am sure." "Ye see we live out in Cheever Township, an' ye prob'ly didn't heat of John's dyin I looked fer it in the paper but didn't see nothin'." "I'm sorry, but if you will give me the facts I'll see that it goes in next week," was the only reply that I could make. "John was an awful good boy," she begun. "He was good ter me, an' that's what counts. When we came West we had kinder poor luck. My husband died an' the other boj s left me, an' with debts on the claim an no money ahead, I don't know what I'd done 'cept for John. He worked night and day, plowin' an' plantin' an' sowin'. He never had a harsh word for his mother never. " She stopped a moment to wipe her eyes and I found it convenient to look in another direction. She continued : "He was 25 years old, but lie looked ten more he worked too hard. I guess it killed him, but I didn't know he was overdoin'. He never complained. He wasn't sick long just a few days. I done all I could. I'd have given my life for John, if the Lord'd have let it be that way. You don't know how lonesome the claim is now. Jest me alone in the sod cabin; I can't die, an' it's onlv sorrow to live. I had John buried on the prairie so I ould go to him. I'll go to him fer good pretty soon, I hope." She sobbed a little, and then recovered sufficiently to give me the full name, age, etc., of the dead youth, after which, her errand accomplished, she left me to ride home across the sunbeaten prairies to the lonely cabin set beneath the billows of green, far from the rushing world's highways. If I did not give John a suitable death notice the next week, if I did not feelingly portray the unselfish heroism of the boy whose world was his mother and whose ambition was to aid her in her necessities, it was not because I did not try faithfully and ear

nestly. I hope I succeeded in bringing a little comfort to the heart of John's mother, who may be yet waiar g to join the noble son buried beneath the carpet of sod stretching away from her door. , C. M. Harger, in Detroit Free Frets

They Fought to a Finish. A party of Illinois sportsmen witnessed a savage contest on the banks of Barnett Lake, opposite Elizabethtown, 111., recently between a large hawk and an immense rattlesnake that had evidently crawled from an adjoining hillside after water. Their attention was first attracted to the hawk suddenly darting from his position in a pecan tree to the ground, and then rising again to repeat the same operation. Seeing the h iwk repeat this a dozen or more times aroused the curiosity of the sportsmen to 'ascertain the cause of its strange actions. Creeping through the bushes they arrived at the edge of a small opening and were surprised to find a large rattlesnake with the blood oozing from several wounds in its back and sides.

I With its head erect the enraged reptile : was watching the every movement of

its feathered enemy. The hawk seemed to instinctively realize that it had the sympathy of the hunters, and as they took their positions within a few yards of the rattler it made another dart at its dangerous foe, To avoid the reptile's deadly fang3 the hawk would swoop down as if to attack the snake, and suddenly wheel to one side to avoid the stroke and then return and make his attack before the snake had time to recoil. This, was repeated time after time, and the rattler, evidently realizing that it was getting the worst of this strange engagement, suddenly uncoiled and started on a hasty retreat for a log heap near by. Taking in the situation the hawk made a sudden dart, and catching the reptile just behind the head with its 3harp talons it raised the snake from the ground and soared away to the northeast, the frantic movements of the snake's body being visible as far as the eye could diseern. New York Morning Journal, Kentucky Mountaineers' Dialect. The Kentucky mountain vernacular also has peculiarities which Charles Egb(jrt Craddock did not find or no tide in his Tennessee mountaineers. Here a man who wants to say he fired two shots says he shot two shots. The Western expression of getting the drop is never used, the mountaineer saying instead that he "throwed Ids gun furst." The prefixes in and im are not known, un being used instead, $s "unpossibie" for instance. To "mislist a man is to deceive and ill-treat him, and when a man say 3 "his word is his jint" he sants to convey the impresflfbn that he is speaking as truthfully as if under oath. The queer expressions are so numerous that it is hard to understand all that is said. A dialogue that was a gem in its way was indulged in by two ymng mountain gallants, one asking: "Be it mohe fur you to see Nance this afternoon?" The answer was: "No; I don't have bound to, but I aim to." The man who has knocked on door when asked what he want's saysi "I want

lin," and in the .same styl he oul.l aslc

a stranger: Low might you laii you ?" They have no difficulty hi understanding each other, however, fer English is treated in the same m&nner by all, and even those who can rea'J and write talk a great deal as do the less learned. Louisville CourierJournal, A Maine Village, " Then there was the old cornel grocery in which I surreptitiously lur ched when to the annoyance of the good old storekeeper, I happened that way. It was always a mystery to him how nis prunes, dried apples, and soda crackers disappeared so continuously. The deacon's orchard was the subject of my dreams. Equipped with a capacious roundabout drawn tightly about the waist with a stout belt, my companions never went hungry for apples, though there was an invariable apple famine in the village, The old-fashioned New England flapjacks were the pride of our grandmother's days, end no woman who could turn them with a toss and avoid landing the delicious cuke in the fire was ineligible for the beat marriageble young men in the viklage. In the old New England feather-bed there was a luxury I never shall forget, with leathers rolling up mountains high an all sides of the venturesome occupant. Slats and springs had not been heard of down in these primitive New England villages in those days. The beds were curded, and tine manner of tightening up the cords after they had loosened was first to balance yourself upon the cord, and then tread across the bed from side to side. Talk about gymnasiums! If young men had corded beds these days there would be no use for Indian clubs or dumb-bells in search of exercise. The old New England fauilies were not then what they are now. Ten, twelve, fourteen children was a modest household, and there was always room for one mere. When visitors came the trundle bed, with capacity for three or four cliildren, was wheeled out. The ventilation in the sleeping rooms above, with the broad chimneys and airy roofs, was superb. That accounts, for the wheezing nasal twang of those who come from dear old New England. They've always got a cold. The chief production of Maine are men and stones, principally the latter. Fat women in Maine are unknown. They are always; slim, and clipper-built. In the old Maine village the lights go out at 8 o'clock. If one is seen af tor that hour the villagers know that Aunt; Nancy is preparing a cordial for a patient, or that it is Sally Ann'ji night for a visit from her beau. Those good old New England pumpkin pies were the pride of the house-, wife. They were twenty inches in diameter and six inches deep. From a: Lecture by Eev. Geo. H. Heed, P. D. Josh Billing's Philosophy The man who can't do any iaurt in this world can't do any good. The grate art ov keeping friends iz tew keep them in expectancy. After we have got all a man's sekrets out ov him, then we either dispise him or pitty him, and to be pittyed iz no better than to be dispised. There are people so addikted tow exageirashuu, that they kant tell the truth without lieing. There is no better evidence or true friendship than tew speak ov a man's vic tew hiz face, and of his irtews behind hi:s back. This setting down and folding our arms, and waiting for sumthicg tew turn up, i:s just about az rich a speckulashun az going out into a four hundred, acre lot, setting down on a sharp stone, with a pail between our kneefi, and waiting for a cow tew back up fljid be milked. Thare are people "who dont do ennything but watch their siraptotns. I have seen dogs ackt just az sensible. I have seen a rat tarrier watch the simptoms ov a knot hole, in a board fence, all day, for sum rat to cum out, but no rat didn't cum c ut. We should live in this life az tho we was walking on glaze ice, liable tew fall at enny moment, and tew be lafifed at hi the bystanders. A man may possibly git t he remembrance ov his natiff country out ov his: mind, but he never can out ov hh: heart. I don't suppoze thare haz ever lived in this wcrld, a man who haz; improved the whole ov his opportunity and abilitys. "Wimmin quite often possess superior tall en ts, but their genius lays in their pashuns. Love haz a most vorashus appetight, but a pooir digestion; what it feeds ioe. most alwus distresses it. Prudes are coquets, gone to seed. To be thoroughly pittyed will take the courage ou ; ov enny man. New York Weekly. No Wonder, Old Heartyman has an eye on a rising young lawysr for one of his daughters, so h) has invited him home to dinner. "You'll find us homelv, mv bev, but

I we're as lively s crickets. Lord! the

noise there is sometimes between us and our next dcor neighbors. On our left we have a cornet player, and when he is practicing, and Laura is singing, and Clara's playing the piano, and the dog's howling he don't like music), there ain't no hearing room left for anything else." "And does ycur right-hand neighbor join in the harriony ?" "Poor chap, ae's a raving lunatic, and almost shrieks the house down. He was one of the nicest fellows going when he first oame to live there, but he's got dotty somehow." When Baby Sleeps When baby is restless in his sleep, try turning lim on his cthe:r side, or almost on his bank, and sea if he does not reSfpse into another sound, nap without funher effort on your part Do not forget to turn the pillow

over also someiimes. The 1 or 2 -year- ) old who wakes in the night aad sits up in bed, rabbing his little fists into his sleepy eyes, feols, perhaps, hot and uu i comfortable.. Try turning the pillow, j liemember alio to keep the clothes . smooth tinder .litu. 1

THE DEAD LETTER OFFICE. Where Blneift Curio tin. Matter Finds Its Way. A queer museum is connected with the dead letter office, located in Wash-

in the mails, and cannot be restored, are placed on exhibition. AH around the room are placed cabinets, in which the articles are placed. Among them can be found a display of toys, jewelry, ana pictures. One of the rareat of the curiosities is a sheet of parchment, on which is penned the Lord's prayer in l& languages. It came to the mail in 1842, and as no trace of its owner could be discovered, it was sent to the dead lettor office. It is said to be a duplicate of a parchment which hangM in St. Peter's at Home. A beautiful crucifii of solid gold rests in a case in one cabinet. It reached the oflice marked ''unclaimed" from a Southern postoffice. For whom it was intended is not known. A lady's fan made of stork feathers, the plumes being rarer and richer than the finest ostiich plumes, is without question the prettiest thing in the whole collection. It is P magnificent fan and , no doubt graced the costume of some court beauty of the old world. In one of ti e cabinets, partially concealed in an enveloje, is a loclc of dark brown hair. An inscription reads: "This is a lock of mv hair. Charles Guiteau." It was put into the mail by the assassin of President Garfield. A human skull grins from one of the cases. It is brown with age and had apparently lain in the clay for years before it started on its journey through the mail. On the frontal bone of the grinning skull is the inscription, "Jimmy Mc Duff." A murder was executed in a Western town a number o years ugo, but it is not supposed to be his skull. A novel letter is in the form of a pretty pink shell on whi ch is inscribed a tender message of love. It reached its owner in a Massftchusetts town, who refused to pay twenty-one cents due, and was sent to the dead letter office. Thers aro several hundreds of dollars worth of gold and silver quartz in the cabinets. It is all on exhibition. A negro dol l, that was addressed to a New York society belle, upon which she re fused to pay the postage, is also on exhibition. Coins of every nationality and age are among the curiosities collected. In one case is a set of false teeth. An axe, such as is used by firemen, came in the mail to the dead letter office. A few years ago a tiu can was received at the office, and when opened eighteen rattlesnakes made their escape. The men and women took elevated seats on the tables, and gave the reptiles full iKsse3:iion. After the scare the snakes were dispatched. In one of the cases hangs a bootblack's outfit, also a saw, tin cup, washboard, hat box, gold headed crane, and a black felt cap. . Articles of wearing apparel, for both male and female, are received daily. The clerks in the dead letter office work hard, but they find many amusing things to break the monotony of their routine duties.

On the Dot Some people are alw ays behind time. They are late to breakfast,late to church, late to bed, late in getting up, late it catching the train; and a gocd manj of this kind of folk really want to b punctual, Jjut they don't seem to know how. One reason of their failure to be punt nal is, because they do not justly discriminate between the more important and the less important in work to be done. Another reason is, lecause the; have no accurate sense of the passing oi time, or its value. They have not accustomed themselves to work by the clock, to note how the minutes go, tc see hor long it taxes certain tasks to get done. Still another reason, is that the, .habit of procrastination leads them tc postpone their preparation to the last minute, and so they s.re compelled to crowd into a brief time what they should have done at leisure. Those who are always ready "on the dot" keep the end to which they are working steadily in view, and do not allow themselves to be diverted from it to side issues. They keep one eye on the calendar, and know just how the minutes and the days are passing. If there is a specially difficult task to be done, that is made the object of their first attention, and they allow themselves a margin ol time, so that unexpected hindrances may not prevent the completion of their work at the stated time. Ex.

The Austrian Journalist The Austrian journalist has the same literary methods as his German relative, but he must supply a livelier and larger paper to his readers, who are a rather frivolous lot, and he has not such amusing advertisement columns. Frequently the Austrian editor makes extensive us i)f his imagination and he can invent thoroughly. Some .time ago one of the best known Vienna papers published a. long paragraph purporting to be a tele 'jrain f rom London. It was very iuter dstxng. It told how the three daughters of the Prince of Wales were walking

downWhitehall when they observed, that a Vi etched looking woman selling flowers 'Utas doing no business. They therefore Vk her basket and sold flowers forut three hours, making s. great dual oTmoney, which the gav to the foor woman. The story did not have the lekst foundation in fact, ol! course, and che princesses were not irt London anyphere near the time tho incident was stated to have occurred. Washington War. Every Hau to His Trade. Financier You literary men haven the first idea of business. Here yoti have about 10s, 000 manuscripts piled up

in this dark cfyoset, and you say they aro

all paid for.

Editor Great Magazine Years ag,

Just think hi it! Hasn't it ever oc curred to you, j sir, that you are loainf the interest oni the money you pgfcl out 'or Chose useless bundles?" ' Huh! Yoiu financiers haven't ths first idea abouY literature. Every on of those manuscripts is from a different author, aad the whole 10,?G0 . of theci will go on buying our magazine at Si cents a copy until the articles aro printed, -t-New York Weekly.

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