Bloomington Telephone, Volume 13, Number 42, Bloomington, Monroe County, 3 May 1889 — Page 3

Bloomington Telephone BLOOMING TON, INDIANA "WALTER a BBADFUTE, - - PuBUfflSS

Thb King of Greece buys his clothes in London. The Queeu buys hers in Paris. Four marbled polecats' are recorded among the latest additions to the London Zoo. Mb. Balfoub, the Chief Secretary for Ireland, has bought 4,000 acres of land in New Zealand

In New York a bouquet of white roses is hung with the crape on the door knob of the house of a dead person. Two men 60 years old fought a prize ght in New Jersey the other day. They were trying to knock out old age. A Geobgia lady who bought a pink pearl at Nassau, N. P., for $10, has been Shred $500 for it by a New York jeweler. ' The alleged Sunday asacredn concerts which have been given in New York during the winter have been prohibited by the chief of police A Detroit paper thinks what this country needs is a maple sugar that will pass a thorough civil service examination at all season of the year. The grave of Gen. Marion, of revolutionary fame, is to have a monument in case anyone can find the grave. It has been lost for twenty years. The New Orleans Picayune says that .a coroner in a southern town actually reported not long ago that a certain man had "died suddenly without the aid

of a physician.

The saw is largely used now instead of the ax in bringing' down the giant redwood in California. The tree is sawed partly through, and then is forced over by wedges. The Czar of Russia hasn't been blown up, shot or threatened by letter in such a long time that he now dares to put on his night-shirt without first having it examined for plots and conspiracies. Mb. George Ehret, the big New York brewer, is worth $20)00,000, yet it is his practice to le at his office at 4 o'clock in the morning, and frequently he does not leave it till 8 o'clock in the evening. ' Sixes' the Whitechapel murders the social condition of the locality of that name has greatly improved, owing to the increased exertions of the clergy and the laity for the good of the people in the district

Continental swindlers are palming off upon British agriculturists great bargains in clover seed that has been treated with sulphur fumes to give it a bright and new look, but that is really old and worthless. -Rf&ian officials have tested and reported favorably upon a Russian invention for applying the revolver principle to the barrels of Berdan rifles. It is said that by this arrangement a machine gun is obtained which will fire 4S0 shots a minute. Recent advices from Japan state that an American believer in Buddhism had arrived at Kioto remained at the Chion-in-Temple. He delivered a lecture to 12,000 people, in which he explained that his object in life was to uproot Christianity. The process of manufacturing India ink has been a secret with the Chinese for many centuries, but a firm of En glish chemists claim to have discovered a process of treating camphor with sulphuric acid that produces a pigment identical with India ink.

Dan Rice's famous old trick horse, "Jimmie, died near Lexington, Ky., in the 42d year of his age. He was the first horse owiied and trained bv Dan Rice, the veteran circus man, and was the one used" by Rice when he ran the famous "One-horse Circus."

The Minneapolis Tribune says: "His sportlet, the Marquis of Queensbury, says that John Lawrence Sullivan has done more to bring prize fighting into disrepute than any other man in the world. This is the first time we ever knew John to do anything for the benefit of mankind."

Mtss Pauncbfote, the daughter of Xord Sackville's successor as British Minister -to thin country, is a beautiful young woman of 25. She is said to possess mere of English reserve than Lord Sackville's daughters, but is a good talker, a graceful dancer, and popular wherever she goes. The police are exerting extraordinary vigilance to prevent emigration from Hungary, and women and children who seek to escape from the country to join husbands and fathers already in America have to submit; to great hardships, and often are unable to get away at all. The authorities profess to fear a dearth of farm laborers.

the Secretary of the Treasury an Episcopalian, the Secretary ot War a Presbyterian, the Secretary of the Navy a Catholic, the Postmaster General a Methodist, and the Attorney General a Baptist." The widow of Richard A. Proctor, thd astronomer, who died in New York City of yeliow fever oontracted in Florida, has been granted a civil list pension of $500 a year, in pursuance of a memorial signed by the Duke of Argyle, the Earl of Crawford, Lord Oiimthorpe, Professor Tyndall, Professor Euxley, Sir John Lubbock and many otber prominent Englishmen. Women in the west end of London go about armed with small squirt guns filled with dirty water, with which they slyly soil the coats or dresses of persons when they pass. Then they meet the persons, and, with elaborate bows, beg pardon for calling attention to the fact that the dress or coat is splitshed, and offer to wipe it off with a cl ean white apron. Nine times out of ten the trick brings a generous tip. A flash-light signal for the rear of trains is being tested in England. It shows a fixed light for a stationary train and alternate flashes of red and white when the train is in motion, so arranged as to show whether the train is going forward or backward. An experienced eye can also tell by the rapidity of the flashes the speed of the train. The lights are worked by the wheels. w A New Yobk policeman stood on one side of the street and nonchalantly watched a hair-pulling match between two women on the other side. The street was the dividing line between two precincts. The New York Herald compliments the officer's fine sense of discipline, but such praise is unwarranted. No sensible policeman will fool with a woman when she is fighting mad, if he has any valid excuse for not doing so. One small boy, who ran away from his home in Cumden, Maine, and was captured in Boston, explained to the police that he wanted to have some fun, and the manner in which he intended to get it can be imagined from, the list of articles he had with him : Two traveling bags, five revolvers, a lot of comfortable clothing, novels of the blood-and-thunder sort, some cigarettes, five large rusty knives, several boxes of caps, and a bag of powder. The earl of Rosebery is described by a London paper as follows: "Somehow or other when one looks at the cleanshaven and impassive face surmounted by those strange eyes cold and warm, inscrutable and eloquent, dull and sparkling one ' inevitably thinks of those weird heroes of Balzac that cut their way to fame by sheer dint of courage, coolness, audacity, and adaptability, So far Lord Rosebery 's great f&kt has been his marriage to the decidedly ugly daughter of the English Baron Rothschild. She brought her husband a dowry of nearly fifteen million dollars. A hailstorm which swept across New Hanover County, North Carolina, the other day, was the severest on record. The hailstones were of enormous size and fell in sheets. Many were as large as hens9 eggs. Much damage was done, but the strangest fact of all was the k illing of Benjamin Moore, a young colored man, by the hail. Moore was caught in the storm in the suburbs of Wilmington, and was beaten by the enormous hailstones until he was completely exhausted. He was discovered after the storm lying helpless on the ground. He was bleeding at the mouth and nose, and his condition was so alarming that a -physician was sent for, but before he arrived Moore was dead.

Jeff Davis says of the Confederate Cabinet: "The President was an Episcopalian, the Vice Praadent a Presbylesian, the Sceretair of State a Hebrew,

' The application for places in the consular service reveal the fact that mora clergymen apply for the office at Jerusalem than for all the other consulships combined. The reason is obvious. The location is an interesting one to every student of Bible history, and, as the duties of the consulate are merely nominal, there is ample time for the prosecution of such literary or other work as the incumbent may wish to engage in. The office at Glasgow has come to be sought after by literate urs to a greater or less extent since Bret Hart and Francis Underwood, of Boston, were sent there. The compensation is about six thousand dollars a year, and accessibility to London adds greatly to its other advantages. The French custom of locking up people at the railway .stations until the train is about to start led to an aggravating incident at Havro recently. About a hundred passengers were waiting for a train, but the functionary who ought to have unlocked the doors was engaged at another part of the station, and a dullard of the true French official type shut the doors of all the carriages in a mechanical sort of way, without

; even observing that they were all empty,

gave the signal for departure, and off started the train, amid the bellowings and knockings of the imprisoned passengers, who were aroused to a sense of their position, but it was too late. The train could not be stopped till it reached the first station, and as there were no facilities for switching it had to bo sent on to its destination. Finally the furious passengers were sect off in a special train.

THE DEADLY COUPLER. Better Appliaiiiwit emled- Some Startling SUfctlHt1t!. At the session in Washington of the State Railway Commissioners with the Interstate Commerce ComuiisHion, lxCommiasioner Coffin, ot Lwa, now representing the Brotherhood of Drakemen, rnade an address which was received with marked attention. In the course of it he (said, referring to the slaughter of men by the old link ni.d link coupler and the hand brake: "Our oomfnission in Iowa has caused a law lo be made that has been on the statute books ten years, to the effect that the railroads shall report to the commissioner the accidents occurring along their lines, and it is shown that in ten years we have killed and maimed 2,4M men in the State of Iowa by these two causes alone. "These are astounding facts. The average would be something like 24.0 a year. The reports commenced whim we only had 5,000 miles of railway, while now we have 8,000. The commissioners' report last year shows that there were killed and wounded bv these two causes alone, 319. We think in Iowa our roads are managed as carefully as any roads. We are a temperance State, and our railway men are temperate and careful, and still last year there were over 349 men killed and maimed by the two causes I have spoken of. "There are 150,000 miles of railroad in the United States, and over 6,000 of their active, strong men were either killed or maimed for life from those two causes alone last year. I state these facts so as to inspire a sort of enthusiasm on the part of the Interstate Commerce Commissioners to induce them to use their influence to pass an atft by the national legislature compelling the adoption of safety appliances, I have a table in my hand, in condensed form, showing that in oil the great accidents in the last fifty years there were less killed and maimed than there Mere killed and maimed by the two causes I have spoken of last year. These facts are astounding. "Tho resolution which you have passed looks toward national legislation in regard to these safety appliances. The only legislation neoded, t in my judgment take it for what it is worth is that in regard to couplers and brakes. The matter of heating cars will take care of itself. As a matter of advertisement, every main line will have these safety heating apparatus, but you and I will send our car load of hogs or steers, or whatever it may be, on any train on any road that will take them, no majtter if a half dozen brake:aen are killed at a time in coupling the car in which our freight is to another car in a train that is to carry the load on. "Let me give you another fact. Last year, in the State of Iowa, there were 29,435,846 passengers who traveled. Not one was burned by a fire neating stove, while at the same rime we killed and injured in that State by the pin and link coupler 350" Scientific American. Practical Joking. The Youth's Companion is authority for the following: When M. F. Maury, who afterwards wrote "The Physical Geography of the Sea, was master of the sloop-of-wox Falmouth, he had on board a midshipman by the name Johns. At the end of a voyage this young fellow, who was going ashore at Norfolk, was entrusted by a comrade with a case containing two bottles of attar of rose for his sisters. That night Johns and another middy occupied the same room at a hotel. The second man was obliged to start very early the next morning. Johns was still asleep, and the thoughtless fellow took it into his head to play a practical joke upon him, by pouring out the attar of roses and filling the phials with water a very silly performance to say the least. Johns waked up in due time, carried the precious case to its destination, and then rejoined the Falmouth for a cruise in the Pacific. Before the sloop got

away, however, the man who had entrusted Johns with the errand received an indignant letter from his sisters, announcing that his messenger had sold the attar of roses, and had attempted to conceal the theft by filling the bottles witli water. The brother accepted their statement, and at once reported the affair to the entire crew, and demanded that the culprit should be "sent to Coventry," as a man unfit to associate with honest people. The poor fellow protested his innocence in vain ; everybody except the captain of the ship took his guilt for granted,, and treated him accordingly. Before the voyage was over, Johns died of a broken heart, still affirming his innocence. He was buried at Calloa, and when some time after the foolish joker was told how matters had turned, his evident remorse convinced everybody of the truthfulness of the dying man's protestations. In later years Maury used to tell this anecdote to his children, as a warning against hasty and cruel judgments, as weH as against silly and cruel practical jokes. Farmers', Qualities But ''farmers are ignorant." Are they indeed? True, they are easily imposed upon. They are used to honesty of yes or no ; and to believe that one does not mean the other. Thty are warm-hearted and hospitable, and will not only give to a pleasant-ton gued traveller a meal and a rest, but will even sign a paper for him, if it will do him any good, never dreaming of a treachery that is entirely foreign to their own natures. They are ignorant, too, of fashions, and artificialities, but in respect to solid and useful knowedge the farmer becomes a sort of encyclopedia. Practically he is a physiologist, a veterinarian, a botanist, an entomologist, even a chemist. He is eminently a field philosopher, and at the same time a mechanic, knowing the nature of woods and of metals, and adapting them in the most summary way to the special needs of his service. He uses machinery and learns its nature and the care it requires, as he learns the nature and care of his animals. There is no class that needs or possesses such a variety of practical knowledge as the agriculturalists. Their ingenuity and their judgment are continually in use arranging all their varied interests amid conflicts with the weather, the soil and its native growths, the birds, animals, insects, etc., that

surround and penetrate the camp and keep the farmer-chief continually on the qui Vive. But he find enjoyment in all this stir which affects hini so intimately, far more than is found on crowded streets, where the eye is pleased for a time, but where everyone is pre-oeeupiod and absorbed and whero our warm-hearted husband man feels lost. He finds more real sympathy and interest among his growths and dependencies at home, lick's Magazine. Constitutional Amendments. As tin is one of our eras of great striving and cry for reforms of various kinds, it is probable that we shall hear a great many proposals of amendment1! to the Constitution of tho United (States, as if the suggestion of even the best of amendments gave it any more real chance of life than if it were meritless. It is therefore necessary to retain, as a very prominent element of our political consciousness, the knowledge that the adoption of any isolated amendment is now a matter of such enormous difficulty as to be practically impossible. The time may come when some amendment shall evidently have behind it, as i the case of the civil war amendments, so general a popular and party interest as to "rush" it over all the inevitable obstacles; but that time is not now. The reform which is limited to the road of con stitutional amendment may besiege the entrance to it until it dios of inanition, it must abandon hoie long before it even enters. The very first difficulties are those of mere constitutional machinery, which Sir H. S, Maine has stated with so much Tory gusto that his story has already become classical. They are obstacles which the people imposed upon their own action in the original Constitution in order to guard against what was supposed, a century ago. to be democracy's, characteristic turbulence and impatient desire for change. A change in the English constitution, no matter how radical, needs only a majority voto in the two houses of Parliament; and in practice a determined majority in the House of Commons will insure a majority in both houses. A change in the American Constitution demands, at the very beginning, a two-thirds' majority in both houses of Congress. Every one familiar with such matters knows that the difficulty of getting a two-thirds' majority in either house is far more than a geometrical increase over that of getting simple majority; and that a two-thirds' majority in both houses is a difficulty almost geometrically gvoater still. Here the framers of the Constitution might have stopped, but they did not. They provided that the amendment, after passing the gauntlet of Congress, should not be valid until ratified by three-fourths of the State legislatures. As there are now thirtyeight States, three-fourths means twenty-nine; and, as each of these bodies have two absolutely independent houses, this means that the budding amendment must find friends to introduce it, champions to fight for it, and a majority to support it, in each of fifty-eight separate legislative bodies, each with its peculiar interests, prejudices, and characteristics. Who can name any single amendment which is at all likely ever to-- be backed by such popular interest, the country over, as to command such wholesale legislative support as this ? Century Money Loft in the Mails. There is in the Treasury vault a brown wooden box eighteen inches long a foot wide, aud weight inches deep which contains paper money of the nominal value of several hundred thousand dollars. It is not worth a dollar. The queer thing about it is the manner in which it was collected. Every bit of it came from the Dead Letter office of

the Postoffice Department. Some portion of it is counterfeit, but the most of it was genuine money years ago. The banks which issued it. and the officers who signed it are gone and forgotten. It was all sent over to the Treasury

Department Beveral years ago, and Assistant Treasurer Whelpley undertook to trace up the various banks and get as much as possible of it redeemed. Occasionally he found, descendants of some of these old bank officials, themselves bankers, who were williug to redeem some of the notes for the sake of the signatures of their fathers, and in this way he succeeded in getting several hundred dollars worth of it redeemed. But of that remaining not a bill can be redeemed. A little of it is Confederate money, but most of it is of be.nka, State and private, that went out of existence years ago. The oldest notes are dated back as far as 1812. One package contained $54,000 and another $9,000. The mystery is how so much money could have been lost in the mail. N either the men who sent it nor the ones to whom it was sent could be found by the Post Offici Department, nor could Mr. Whelpley find any trace of them or their descendants, The $9,000 package was sent from Brandon, Miss., to Jackson, Miss., in 1840, and the letter accompanying it shows that it was sent in consequence of repeated demands. The most diligent search fails to discover the slightest trace of any such banking company as that at Brandon, Miss., which issued the notes, most of which are of the $1,000 denomination. The notes are handsomely executed, as are a large majority of those in the box. Wash" ington Post Bonrding-House Aftermaths. Mrs. Slimdiet Have some more of the mackerel, Mr. Boarder? Mr. Boarder No, thank you. "Have a piece of the liver ?" "No, tharik you." How strange yen are! Why, I am extravagantly fond of mackerel and liver I could eat them all the time. Perhaps you are late this morning, and must hurry?" "Yes, I am a little late. Good-morning." "Jane!" Jane Yes, mum. "Mr. Boarder has gone down town. You can broil me that piece of tenderloin now." New York Weekly. "A fkw days ago a Chicago man displaced his heart." He probably got it mixed up with four1 spades.

Betting on Honesty One winter's day, some years ago, a couple of young men were sitting in London talking of their travels during the summer. One of them ht,& leen in N way, and could not s uificiently praise the honesty of the Norweigan peasants and their readiness in judging character. "If I am a well-diessed person and look like- a gentleman I can travel through the whole country hi my own cariole without paying a penny for the horses. I need only say- 'the one who comes on' behind will pay " That was. too much for the other, and it ended in s. heavy bet that they shc uld go together through Norway, buy their own car iole, and travel through the country, the first of Lhem half a day hi advance of the other, without a single penny in his pocket; the other should follow behind and pay. The following summer they went to Norway, got their carioies, arid started on cheir trip. But at the very first station the Englishman who had expatiated upon the honesty of the Norwegians got into a fix; he had forgotten what the magic words were in Norwegian. He could not pay the post-boy, neither could he say y "The one who comes on behind will pay' Fortunately a merchant from Christian ia came to the rescm. The Englishman told bun ail about the bet, upon which thtt merchant informed him what the words were iu Norwegian. The Englishman repeated them to the xst-boy, and they had at once the desired effect. The boy wan satisfied, and said it would no doubt ba all right about the money. The merchant, however, thought it would be best for the credit of :he country to let the new post-boy, who was to go with the Englishman to tht next station, intc the secret, and requested him to pass it on from station to station, that when the first Englishman arrived and said, "The one coming on behind will pay," no one was to trouble him about money, for on being allowed to continue his journey in this way he would win the bet. The boy undertook to do this, and ail the post-boys and station-ke-apers on the road enjoyed the joke immensely without betraying that they knew anything about the affair. And so it happened that tho Englishmen traveled through the country without paying a penny ; and thus the two Er glishmen go about telling this story, which again is told to a thousand others, that in Norway you need not pay at the posting stations, but only say, "The one who comes on behind will pay." Hjorn8t;ierne .Bjomson, in Harper's Magazine. Bogus Diamonds, Of late years jewelry, and female jewelry, in particular, as it. were, has become very numerous and ostentatious, bo to speak. Formerly the possession of a pair' of diamond ear-rings enveloped the happy female in s hallow of afiluence that caused her to be regarded as a modified female Count De Monte Cristo. A minstrel troupe, whose performance we attended not long since, made a pcinted allusion to the increased cheapness of gems. The interlocutor in conversation with the genial end man, congratulated that dusky humorist because he had been seen on the streets accompanied by a beautiful young lady. The happy en man inquires ii the interlocutor had obfterved the elegant sealskin cloak worn by the lady. The interlocutor had noticed it. With reversed thumb the end man intimates that he had bestowed it on the attractive female. "It must have cost you quite a sum of money," replies the interlocutor, who for some inexplicable reason ignores the negro dialect. "Yes, sah, $500, and did ye see dem a'. torches?" "Those what ?"

"Dem torches. I mean dem lamps, hanging in heryeahs." "Oh, you mean those large solitaire ear-rings. Yes, I saw thorn. They must have cost at lease $1,500." "Thirty cents," replied the man, reaching dora for his bones, or rather the bones with which he makes discord. The shabbily dressed, poorly paid phop girl wears gams that flash in a dozen different color's, while the young boy, who gets $4 a week in a button factory, carries on his soiled hand a diamond ring that might be a Prince's ransom in olden times if it were real. Yet jewelry, which wc-s formerly supposed to be expensive, is now worn so generally as to create a suspicion t lat the coal deposits are being subjected to a:a alarming drain. Texas Sifting s. Improvement in Building Barb Wire Fences In building barb wire fence some put the top wires on the outside and the bottom wires on the inside cf the inclosure. A better plan is to ha half the posts set with the required wires on the outside of the field, and the other posts upon the inside of the inclosure, thus having the alternate posts on either side of the wires. This is superior to the common practice of setting all the posts in a straight line. The former method s erves to prevent the wires being pushed off from either side. In Missouri the eeneral wire fence consists of three

v ires attached to posts set sixteen feet !

apart. There is a tendency now to add tire fourth wire at the bottom, thereby affording a fence practically efficient against trespass from all kinds of stock. American Agriculturist. A Primitive Industry. In Columbia the American aloe Inown there as "figue" is of groat importance on account of its Jibre, which iu used for sandals, sacks, ropes, girths, 1 aok-saddles, etc. These manufactures are among the most important of the country, the yearly value being variously estimated at from $10,000,000 to $300,000,000. No part of i;he plant except, the fibre is used, and this is now extracted by so slow and laborious a process that a skilled laborer can produce only about ten pounds of fibre doily. It is hard to understand why the photographer is so much more popular with the ladies than the c&ntist, when the former tells the dear creatures to shut their mouths and tlao latter to cpeu them.

UtVLli 'COON'S MISTAKE,

4ntniflly Thrilling Tmgftdy ot the

Aha! 'Jaught at last! When the tide is out the raoooc walks the shore in search of a free lunch of oysters on the half shell. The 'coon is very cunning, and long experience has taught him the danget of falling into the i dutches of the oyster, as innocent and dumb as the bivalve appears to be. When the oysters open their shell and are feeding, arid the shallow waters are trickling through the rushes and everything is moving along so nicely, the raccoon finds it an easy matter Ui icoop in a jolly supper of oyster with out consulting the waiter. But suddenly he reaches out his paw and makes a scoop at the oyster lying so quietliy in his shell, and he allows that paw to linger just an instant too long. "Snap!" He feels the fatal grip of the hanf shell on his foot, pud he knows that he has met his fate. With a savage cry of pam and dismay he turns thoe great yellow eyee landward for a last look at the sweep of curvihg shore where he has lived in peace and quiet so many, many years. If 'coons think, and from the curious expression of their almost human eyee I almost believe they do, he doubtless thinks of the happy days he has enjoyed asleep in the hollow of some great oak, and the jolly evenings he has spent bird-nesting among the woods. A freshening in the breeze causes him to turn hi? eyes seaward. The song of the surges is coming nearer. The vast stretch of rushing waters seems to be rushing down upon him, and he shrieks with the agony of mortal fear. He begins to gnaw at the foot thai has been imprisoned. He will hbbble out to the shore leaving his foot there rather than be drowned. The sharp teeth cut through the furry hide, crunch through the tendons and sinews, rasp against the bone. He had just missed the joint. Th waters are rising higher and higher. The boom of the billows is in his ears.' Still that; unyielding shell refuse) to give up its prey. He tears the eah with his teeth. The joint turns. It is nearly separated. One little tendon holds it. When the tide goes out the fisherman walking along the bank exclaims: "Hello, dab! OF mahn. 'coon 'e love de oystah, but 'e lahek 'urn mott too well. "Ha! Ha! OF "own git cotch up wid dis time, sho; better had er stay in de mahrah grahss, w'ah 'e belong," says another. "OF mahn hahd er good grip dough. See yeah w'ah e gnaw dis yeah foot, mos' cut ?um in two. Tide hahd erlef 'urn lone minit longah, oF mahn 'XKn gone home bn free laigs." Atlanta Constitution. "Isaac" was an Old Story. The daughter of a clergyman in thtt vicinity, who had learned to read fiiirly well, recently ased her father's permission to read aloud the Bible to a poor, old, bed-ridden woman. Permission was granted, and once or twice s week the little girl took her Bible and read a chapter to the aged invalid. A week or so passed, and the clergy man himself paid a call upon the old woman, and before he left he asked her how his daughter progressed as a reader of Holy Writ. The old woman replied enthusiastically that the child was an angel, and had read her some beautiful passages in the lite of Isaac. About a month later, the reading of the Bible having continued under the same auspices, the clergyman once more called upon the old woman. Naturally he repeated his inquiry as to Ids little daughter's reading, and was surprised when the old woman replied: Well, she reads very nicely, sir, bufc I'm getting a little tired of hearing about Isaac. 79 "Doesn't she read from other parte of the Bible?" the good minister asked, for he was puzzled. "It may be other parte, sir, but it do all be about Isaac, the old womw mode answer. As soon as he reached home the clergyman called his youngest daughter to him and asked hex why she had such a preference for the history of Abraham and Sarah's first-born. Without the least hesitation the child replied: "You see, papa, I can't read very well yet, and those long names do bother me so

that I thought old Mrs. Brown wouldn't mind if I called all the men Isaac, and that's why." Bo by this simple plan Jehotaphat and Jeroboam and Nebuchadnezzar and Melchisedec, and all the rost of the polysylabic surnames had been transformed into the simple and easy cognomen of the second of the patriarchs.Pittsburgh Dispatch. Not the Reply She Expected. A teacher was giving a natural history lesion : " Children," said she, fcyon have aU seen the paw of a cat It is as soft its velvet, isn't it? Yes, mum." " And you have seen the mw of a dog?" wYes, mum." Well, although the cat's paw fceerns like velvet, there is nevertheless, concealed in it something that hurts. What is it?" No answer. "The dog bites," said the teacher, "when he is in anger, but what does tha cat do ?" Scratches," replied the boy. "Quite right," said the teacher, no& ding her head anf rovingiy ; "now what has the cat got that the dog hesn't?" "Kittens!" exclaimed a bry in tho back row. The teacher had intended to work out a pretty moral, but after that she didn't see her way to it, and the lesson came to an end.

What I cawn't unda wstand about it is that Bylker should come and pay ms bunk thai five dollaws he borrowed (worn me without my awaking faw iW Lambrequin Perhaps he wanted fc&

borrow ten. twenty!"

"By. irfve! He mads it

IV

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