Bloomington Telephone, Volume 13, Number 41, Bloomington, Monroe County, 26 April 1889 — Page 2

JOT 3KuBLEr

wo little girls are bf-ttei than one. Two lattle boys can double the fun, Two little birds can build a tine ns Two little anus eon love mother beat. Two little pontes must go in a span. Two little pocket9 ha my little man. Two little eyes co open and close, Two little easa and one Utile nose. Two little elbows, dimpled and sweet. Two little ahoea en two little feet. Two little lips and one little chint Two little cheeks with roses set ia. Two little shoulders chnbbr and strong, Two little legs running all day lony. Two little prayers dons m' darling say, Two times does she kneel by my side each lay Two little hand soft folded down. Two little eyelids o'er cheeks so brown. Two little angels guarding her bed, One at the foot and one at the head.

MR. DIME'S REVENGE.

BY CLARA MKKWIN.

ul have hidden my emotions better than I supposed I could, n said Mr. Dinkle. "My dear Miss Sniffles, here on ray knees, allow me to offer you my hand and heart, and beg you to accept them and the life-long devotion of" "Get up, Mr. Dinkle," said Miss Sniffles. "Don't urake a goose of yourself I understand that you ask me to iarry you.w "Adorable creature," said Mr. Dinkle, "you put the question I would have asked into the most concise form." "I'll put the answer into the same form." said Miss Sniffles. faNo."

ragout, and crow soup; and Mr. RobeiU and Miss Snifiles were very sick, and 1 had to send for th doctor; and that's the way Mr. Dinkle had his revenge, and such a dirier, I hope never to eat again. Literary Annoyances. It is one of the minor annoyances of an author's life, indeed, that the world at large can never be made to recognize this plain tact, bat constantly insists on identifying the writer with his books or his articles. It takes it for granted that he writes what he likes and that he chooses his themes because he is per-

Yftn nnnnt Axmat me tc relinnuish i sonallv interested in them. Sometimes

my Hopes at once, saia iir. xunkie. "May I ask why you are not disposed to

Naturally a body meets with many lingular people in the course of keeping boarders. I think the queerest folks the Lord ever chose to make have come and boarded with me, since Mr. Jones left me with three little children to earn my living by the most ungrateful task that ever was put upon a woman's shoulders ; for there are people that never think you can do enough fer'em, and people that haven't any consideration for your feelings, and if a turkey happens to be tough, ask if it was ever known for certain what became of the pair that went into Noah's Ark, and the like of that, you know ; and there are people that have whimsies, and want raw meat, or scorched cinders, and people tliat can't bear anything fried, and people that won't touch pork, and people that take airs and don't pay, and people that are so far from being what they pretend to be, that you have to mention to them that their rooms are wanted, and all sorts of people, who do all sorts of queer things. One of the queerest things I ever knew to be done by any boarder was done I must say, by Mr. Dinkle. He came to board with me about six years ago, just at Christmas time. He was a bachelor, fifty years old, I should judge, and his face ws smooth-shaved, and he wore a mahogany-colored wig, and he was rather particular in his dress. He'd just met with a disappointment not in love, mind you, but in money. He had made liimself a slave to a rich old uncle for twenty years, expecting to be his heir; put up with all sorts of treatment ; been, huffed and scolded, and sneered at morning, noon, aad night; never said a word ; just gone on grinning and rubbing his hands, and speaking about his "dear uncle," until the old man died, when he left him only $500 a year for ids life, .ifter that he came to board with me. There was bcardincr with me at the

same time, a maiden lady named Sniffles. She was about old as Mr. Dinkle, and she was very rich. She wore diamonds in her ears so big and so shiny that I wonder the thieves let her come home alive with 'em on. And she had the same kind of diamonds on her fingers. She had four pets, a dog with curly wool, and a cat all white, except a

A . A.- I. J ft.

A peb CTVW. jjuy-touitra diw uou mem

in her room, but she hired an extra room for them, and they slept in that and it was comical to see them. Poll in tier cage, and the dog and kitten each in a sort of basket-cradle, -with refreshments set for them in case they should be hungry in the night, and the crow as dumb as could lie. Everybody isn't so careful of children. She had white quilted covers for the two animals. It was peculiar, and she was curious in a good many things. She wasn't very handsome, but she was of a very good family, and though she wanted extras, she paid for 'em. I remember asking her once why she hadn't married, and she said she always felt that the male sex was beneath her, and that she couldn't promise to obey any of 'em. She asked me if I didn't feel to despise em myself; and I said some of 'ecn I lid and some again I didn't She had written a lecture, I think, for the purpose of putting 'em down, and she was going to deliver it in my

aaysl,- "Miss Sniffles," says I, "I'm only a poor widow, depending on my boarders for a living, and as most of 'em are of the male sex, it might give 'em offense to tell 'em ail them dreadful things about themselves, and how

you despised 'em so, Miss bnimes, so she gave up the idea, and I was thankful. Well, after Mr. Dinkle came, I noticed Miss Sniffle and he used to argue together a good deal sitting in the parlor. Sometimes, too, he used to see her to church and to the lectures; arid no matter how she acted afterward, I have my eyes about me, and I noticed that she used to fix herself up very smart indeed of evenings after he came. Then he came and asked mehowmuch I reckoned she had a yea-. And she asked me what I calculated he owned. I told him that Fd heard she had $10,000 interest of her monev. and I told

her what he had and how he. got it. I couldn't tell what she thought, but I mae up my mind that there'd be a match between 'em, for I've always noticed that the more a woman talks against the men, the more apt she is to have the first one that makes her an offer. Yes. I'd made up my mind to that, when, one day, I was sitting on the porch outside the back parlor window, stoning cherries for if the giri. does it, she puts more in her mouth than she does in the pan when I heard

Miss Sniffles eome into the TarIor, and about three minutes after Mr. Dinkle he came in. I'd like to remark just here, that far from me be listening, I'm above it, but I wasn't called upon to go ivway and I couldn't help hearing, and tois is what 1 did hear : "Miss Sniffles," said Mr. Dinkle, "I am rejoiced to find you alone." MAhP said Miss Sniffles. "I have long wished for suoh an opportunity," said Mr. Dinkle. "Indeed!" said Miss Sniffles. "You can guess why?" asked Mr. Dinkle. "No, sir, I cant," said Miss Sniffles. "Is this the coquetry of your ax?" asked Mr. Diakle, u Have you not seen that I adore you?" "No," stud Miss Sniffles.

consider mv proposition ? Will you not

consider it and answer it more at leisure?" "I have considered," said Miss Sniffles. "But why?" said Mr. Dinkle. "Well, if you want to know why," said Miss Sniffles, "because I like to be my own mistress. I have plenty of money, as you know, and four charming pets, who are worth more than any six men I ever met. I didn't marry when I was a good-looking young girl, because even then I couldn't be sure any man wanted me and not my money; and now I'm an ugly old woman, I shan't throw myself into the arms of the first fortune-hunter, who has calculated that an old maid will marry anyone who asks her. You waited for dead men's shoes twenty years, I understand. Now, probably you wish to wait for mine? That is why I say 'No,' Mr. Dinkle." Next thing I heard was the door slam. Mr. Dinkle had gone and Miss Sniffles was laughing to herself on the sofa. I couldn't help it. I just peeked into the window and says I, "Hurrah, Miss Sniffles, three cheers. It was as good as a play." "It isn't the first man I've served so," said Miss Sniffles, rubbing her her nose. "Oh, they are a mean set, these men' and away she walked, with her diamonds glittering. We didn't see much of Mr. Dinkle for some days, and then he told me he was going to Europe with an invalid gentleman. So of course I knew I was going to lose a border. But I was surprised when one afternoon I received this note : My Dsab Madam Upon the eve of my departure upon a journey whence I may never return. I desire to feel myself in harmony with all with whom I have had anv slight difference. Therefore, will you permit me to pivc a little s-upper to several members of your establishment? You yourself, of course. Miss Sniffles. Mr. Koheris, and a friend of my owr. who will join us. The time, to-morrow evening. An answer will oblige. Truly yours, liEXSON DlXXl.2. Of course I agreed, and whtvi I saw Miss Suites she said the

it scolds him for Ins evil selections:

"Oh, how can you writo such horrid things !" or, "Why do you always make your plots so dreadfully bloodthirsty V" while he, poor innocent soul, with his linger to his mouth, would probably far prefer to spin out a pretty idyllic story about the domestic loves of two nice yorng people who after many vicissitudes were happily married, or to enlighten the word to the best of his ability on the precise relations of the double stars to the unresolved nebulae. They little know that at that very moment a note from an editor, supreme arbiter of fate, lies open upon his table : "Why don't you give us a little more incident ? Couldn't you manage now to kill off Guy and let "Ethel's throat bet finally cut after a desperate struggle by the insurgent Zulus?" But oftener still and this is far more annoying the world makes little complimentary speeches: "That was a sweet story of yours" good heavens ! the Trial of the Ruddigore Mystery 1 or "How I did laugh over that clever essay on the Ethics of Bores !" pumped up perforce with a nervous headache in response to an urgent demand from an employer for a humorous article. What is worst of all, the world even writes you earnest, argumentative letters about the precious subject on which you have last written, as though you cared for it: "Have you seen my pamphlet on the South Australian corn question?" or, "Do you know that there exists at Rome a more perfect copy of the Apoleo of Lysippus than even the one you praise so highlv in your interesting paper on the Development of the Plastic Art in Corinth?" Why, that tedious article was written to order, at so much per column, to accompany plates already engraved, for the editor of a leading art magazine; and you take about as much personal interest in the plastic art of Corinth or of Corioli as a shoemaker takes in the

metatarsal bones of this,

other particular custonu

Pott's

sub ie t;t

v

that, or tno You mugged young man of Chinese

it all up as Air. mucraod up the

nieia hysics, and as soon as you had de

livered your soul, according to c mtraet, or ttifi iVnoo words, neither more nor

man had a better temper than sbe . j!S3f sufficient to imbed '-hose eiht inthought. And so that very evening we : trestinff enrraviii-e$ in a i-haliow stra

turn of insipid letter press, you ma-

all walked into Mr. Dinkle's room. He

had had the beadstead put away, and hired a table, and there was Mr, Dinkle and a dark complexioned gentleiaan, and two waiters. Mr. Dinkle did the honors beautifully. He made us a little speech, and he said all sorts of fine things, and such a dinnerall hot, and very curious; pies with queer crusts, all ornamented, and ragouts, and dear knows what, and wines and things. We all eat heartily, and Miss Sniffles heartiest of all. We enjoyed ourselves, I tell you, and the dark gentleman, Mr. Moses, sang us songs afterward. At 12 o'clock Mr. Dinkta arose. "Ladies and gentlemen," he said, "the time for parting has come, I must be on board the steamer in two hours. Moses the same obligation lies on you. We part perhaps forever. Adieu. " He shook hands all around. When he

came to Miss Sniffles, he gave her a little note. "Read it alone in your own apartment, dear Madam," he said. "It may make you alter your opinion of one who will ever remember you." "Mr. Ditfkle," said Miss Sniffles, "we all do wrong sometimes. Probably I was mistaken in you. I wish you a very pleasant journey." Then he was off. "He ain't such a bad fellow, after all," said Mr. Roberts. No, he ain't," said L Miss Sniffles went up stairs very slowly. I saw ker wipe a tear away as she went, and I stopped to put out the hall lamp. I had done it, and bolted the frontdoor, when all of a sudden the houses was filled with shrieks. It was Miss Sniffle's voice, I knew, and she was sci earn

ing for help. "She's found a burglar in her room to murder her for her diamonds, at last," I said to myself, and away I rushed and up come all the boarders, and we stood in the room where she stood, holding a letter in her hand, and shrieking like mad. "Oh! where is he?"' I asked. "Where's the burglar?" "Go after him!" she cried. "Catoh him bring him back Mr. Dinkle, Mr. Dinkle, Mr. Dinkle F

"He's told her he'd commit suicide on

her account," I said to Oh! dear, Oh, dear!"

"Oh! I'm so ill," cried Mias Sniffles

"so ill! O pen the window! Im

poisoned, Oh! Oh!" "Poisoned!" says I 44 Oh! oh! oh." "Read that!" savs she, falling over

upon the sofa, very sick indeed. ' Read

that " "Mr. Roberts," says I, "I haven't my

specks.

Mr. Uoberts took the letter and read

it aloud:

"You ridiculous old fury, did you believe

that a man could forgive suoh insults as you

heaped upon him? I have had my revenge nnnn vou. and unon that nwnny, Roberts.

I am only sorry I was oblid to include that simnle old soul. Mrs. Jones. You en

joyed your dinner, didn't you? T. hope go. Moses and I enjoyed the cooking. Moses

is a fine cook. Parrot pate, poonw pie.

kitten ragout, crow soup, are goon msnos. He took care not to eat of them. 1 ut you have had your fill. I entered your pen's apartment at eight, and had them stolen and hot upon the table at cloven. Moses has kept a hotel, and knows a thing or two. "I wish you joy of your supper, and a pood night's rest. You were right about my motive in proposing to you. I'm really glad yon said no. By bye. Benson Dinkle Well, my dears, it was all true. The pets were gone; and I've no doabt we

had had our fill, as Mr. Dinkle said, ot

n.iprl tliA nlatie art of Corinth tor

good from your mind, with a fervent hope that no malign iriluenco would ever compel you in an evil hour a second time to approach the dry details of Hellenic sculpture. The Fortnightly Review. Gov. Curtiii's Proudest Moment, Some years ago a tramp was arrested and brought before the Burgess of Bellefonte, Pa., charged with defacing public residences. He had been caught scrawling cabalistic figures upon Gov. Curtin's handsome mansion , and the Governor was present at the heating, only as a spectator, however, and not as a prosecutor. "I am not a tramp," said the prisoner, when asked to give an account of himself. "I am a coal miner out of a

ob, and I am working my way from EMttsburgh to Schuylkill County. Them

marks are siffns.

"If that is the case what do the signs A T i 1 1"

mean ? queried xne uurgess.

"Thevmierht not mean anything to

a. gentleman like you," was the reply,

but to every hungry man who travels

on the road thev are plainer than print.

They will tell him when he comes along

whether it be to-morrow, next week,

or the next month, that the man who

lives in that house will always give a fellow a square ineal for the asking. n

"Despite all the honors that have

from time to time been paid to me,

said the Governor, in speaking of the

incident, "it was the proudest moment of

mv life when that poor devil spoke up f . " J.1. 1 1, 4 v-.

I or me in me u urged uuiua uwo xu juij

own town.

Frozen Milk.

At a recent meeting of the Agricul

tural Society of France, M. Guerin, of

Grandviiles, read a paper on a new

method of preserving milk. He showed

that when it was frozen milk could be

transiorted wkh the greatest ease,

and that, after being kept lor days and

weeks, and then simplv thawed out, it

retained all the characteristics of Irdsh

milli. The paper deal': first with the

method of ireeziner. which cm!d be car

ried on in the ordinary ice machines if done on a sufficiently large scale, and then described the experiments made to ascertain the precise tempei'ature at which the best results, might be expected. The. appearance and taste of the milk after undergoing the process, when thawed, were so exactly those oi new milk thai in an assemblage of twenty persons not one could perceive the slightest difference. In cooking, yield of cream, and every other respect the frozen corresponded with quite new milk, and on the fourth day the cream was still excellent, which was not the case with that of the latter. Butter amd cheese can be prepared from it quite as well as from the milk. The Blacksmith at the "Case' The "machine printer," or "black

smith," is one of the chief obstacles with which writers have to con: end. He it-

is who sets up whatever the copy looks like to him, regardless as to whether it makes sense or not. Such a one it was who set up "Gainbetia" as "I am better," and made a heading intended for "Bridge Carried Away by a Drive of Logs," read ".Bridge Carried Away by a Drove of Hogs.' Another of this ilk made an advertisement which read, "The Christian's Dream; No Cross.

Daring Feat of a California (iiri Near Forest Kanch, in the mountains above Chico, resides a young lady who for grit and pluck we'll take off our hat to every time. The lady in question, Miss Kato Lucas, resides cn a mountain ranch with her mother and brothers, the latter being engaged in furnishing the meat used by the largo lumber crews high up in the Sierras. Miss Lucas is a tall, lithe, and well-built girl, with red, rosy cheeks, jet black hair, bright, Hashing eyes, and is the acknowledged belle of that vicinity. She is an intrepid horse-woman, and rides fearlessly and alone o ve r the mountain slopes and through the ravines. Sho ecorns a saddle and at times rides a fiery mustang without either bridle or blanket, simply using a lariat, the end tied around her horse's head and neck. Sho is a captial shot with the rifle and has wrosted many of the crack shots there by her unerring aim. She has been out with her brothers hunting, and rarely failed to bag a deer or other wild animals which so abound in that section. Sometimes the young Miss assists in capturing the wild cattle when they are required for the market, and then the lariat is twirled with a precision that often puts the vaqueros to shame. A few weeks ago, after a daring ride alter a particularly wild and Heat-footed steer which showed tight from the start, the young lady laughed at the vaquero, who" seemed afraid of the animal, and smilingly challenged him to throw a rope over the animal's head and ride him. The vaquero declined with thanks. Miss Lucas then displayed a piece of courage and daring worthy of the ancient Koman arena. Springing from her horse she went up to the bound and bellowing beast quickly and deftly tied a rope around his head and neck, then told the vaquero to let him loose. This he did reluctantly,aud the enraged steer was quickly on its feet, but equally as quick the fearless lass was on its back. Then commenced a ride that is rarely

witnessed. For half an hour the wild

chase and ride was continued over the

hill and dale, through brush and canon

-when the steer gave completely out

and the triumphant girl led her captive

to the house. It was a bold feat, ana

the daring rider has made herself fa

mous in that section of the country.

Chico Enterprise. Sound Sleepers. Mr. Boyle says that it is one of the

amusements of West Africa to show

strangers how a Fantee boy can sleep. A friend of his wishing to rouse some

servants and send them to close the

shutters and lock the doors, said to him, "I'll fchow you something which you wouldn't believe on hearsay." Thereon he grasped a boy by the heels, dragged him a yard or so, turned him over, and roughly lifted him to a sitting posture; the youth sat up, rubbed his eyes, scratched his head, and went to sleep again as he lay. To- another he did the same, with a like result. Having thus got the two alongside, fast asleep, he dragged one on top of the other, and left them a moment; they slumbered placidly in that position. He then ran a-muck at them, being in slippers, and upset the pair, and ordered them loudly to close the shutters. They both got up, eyes wide open, and apparently conscious; one walked gravely down stairs, the other retired, with all semblance of reason, to the pantry alongside. The one who went down came up again in two minutes, still with his eyes wide open, and leisurely lay down to sleep again; the other we found fast snoozing in the pantry on a stool. " e took them up, and shook them violently ; they rubbed the&iselves, and went to sleep again. Dragging them into the dining-room, without a word, they silently set about their work, fastening shutters and doors. 'Do you think they are awake?" asked my friend. "Tell them to to get you something." I did so. No response. I repeated the order. They quietly went back, their work completed, and dropped asleep upon their mats. Fast stupefied with sleep all the time. -Ex

gently with the hand, and it v 111 aid them to sleep. To babies in spasms, when the muscles of the throat become rigid, great relief may be afforded by heating fiannels hot and putting quickly about the neck. The sudden danger of death lies in this rigidity stopping the breath. Of course, a child subject to j-pasms needs the constant care of a physician. Yankee Eccentricities In America the moat preposterous ideas find partisans and subscribers. Thus, I saw :in one of the most widely read American newspapers tl le an nouncf nient of a company recently founded, with a capital xf $5')0,000, called : Matrimonial Infidelity Insurance Company. The prospectus of this enterprise states its object and advantage with categorical clearness. Each sufferer, upon presenting proofs, is to receive from the company a check as a ort of court-plaster to patch up his lacerated feelings. I would not advise yon. to put a cent into the concern. I have no confidence in the dividends of an enterprise which might have some day to pay a fabulous sum to a Mormon, wIiosa twenty or thirty wives had taken it into their heads to desert in a batch. The "Consoler" .would be a good name for this company of insurance against the risks of marriage, I also note the existance of i Harmony association, the object of which is to examine men and women cbout to marry, and to give them Mr. Punch's advice, or to stamp the men warranted to wear and the women warranted to wash. No more frauds possible. Perhaps the association may presently undertake to furnish the certii cate of the decease of the future mcdier-in-law.

As a specimen of small and harmless eccentricities, I extract the following from mi American newspaper: "Mrs. Margaret of New York, had hor leg amputated the other dfty,t and insisted upon its haviug a Christian burial in her family lot in Calvary cemetery. A death certificate was made out by the doctor setting forth that the leg had died by amputation at the

Chambers street hospital, November 2VI ; that it was 50 years old, married, and part mother ofa family. The leg was buried with due ceremony." The thing being quite natural, the newspapers makes no comment upon it. It only supplies it with a god heading, something like "A Leg Gone to Heaven in Advance of Its Owner." "Jonathan and His Continent "Max O'lielL

k VAST AFRICAN MAJORITY. Mississippi Is liftdlUly tteomlnjr Keg

Mate There are probably few people who comprehend the extraordinary rapidity with which the colored race is increasing in Mississippi. The figures taken from the census of 187tW and the census of 1880 show the following state of comparative white and black population and the ratio of increase: Entire negro population in 1?J73 145,60 Entire white population in U7J .$-4,5)

Nefpro inajoritv Negro population In 2.;-3) Wlite population in

60.5U i;.3,.).H 181,733

No Crown," appear a- "The Christian's

parrot pate, aud poodle pie, and kitten I Dream : If Cows, No Cream."

A Western Tarn. "Them Winnipeg dudes, who feed a dog twelve months for the sake of one little moth-eaten, 7-cent chicken, are crazy, that's what; and they take them thin-skinned, white-livered pointer pups right out among the wild birds of the desert, careless like. The iirst thing

thev know the chickens will turn on

the dogs and hurt 'em. If 1 had a good chicken to shoot under or over or sideways on, I could get more dog-meat than a man can chop an ax in a tree. If I just put one chicken on a hill, seven miles from the Court House, in fifteen minutes I couldn't see the ground for pugs long, short, liver-colored, ring-streaked and speckled, and a party of dum fools with powder enough to blow up Hell's Gate comin' a-running arter my chicken. "I had chiekeus to sell last harvest, and I never tecbed a gun. I used to kill 'em by runnin' into 'em with a Patterson light binder. My off horse would see 'em out in the tield, when I was harvestiu', and rip snort the hull team would go bent for 'lection. He would strike the covey and bag every chicken in the flock; and them horses would come back to the grain as if nothin' had happened. 'Mash the chickens up?' Lord,' no! I tied 'em in bundles as slick as anything you ever teen. I sold 'em by the bundle aud never pretended to count 'em. "Well. I don't care if I do. Put a

little peppermint in wine." Brandon 5

Co n ner. For the Baby. Babies' first little shoes ate now made from the tops of long, kid gloves. The lower part is gathered full all around over the instep and sewed on a small, round piece of kid. Bind the part about the ankle with a narrow ribbon, and tie them from the sides with narrow ribbon. It has been decided by the professional

nurses that to bathe some nervous, deli- j cate babies every day is too often. Threo I times a week is'sullicient. It wears oft1 ! the outer cuticle, and their nerves suffer j in consequence. Every night, when un- j dreesui. it is a good plan to rub them ;

Superstitious Chinese. The Chinese are full of superstitions, and many of them firmly believe that the foreigneis make medicines out of human beings. The massacre at TienTsin in 1870, in which tweut foreigners were killed, and among them anumof French nuas, was caused ly the reports that the sisters were killing children to get their hearts and eyes for medical purjoses, and the trouble k: Corea hist spiring was caused ly the cir culation of the stories that the missionarieswere grinding up children 's bones to make medicine. This report was start ed by the Chinese, and die latest attempt of the kind I find to-day here at Shanghai. In appears h a trimonthly illustrated magazine which the Chinese publish and which uMs for 5 eenjs a copy. This contains a full description of how the foreigners make their medicine, with ghastly illustrations o the severed trunks ami the cut up limbs of human beiugs. 3ii one cut men in American clothes art bending over great furnaces in which the heads and legs of men are boiling, and beside which great baskets aad tubs of cut-up humans lie. The men are stirring the steaming mass and the picture makes one think of the witches' caldron in "Macbeth." In another cut is shown the machinery for the grinding up of the bones and flesh. A dozen old skeletons lie upon the floor, and a man with a shovel puts the ghastly mass upon the scales for weighing. In another room the medicine is packed up to be sen away, and young ladies in American dress with waterfalls aud -Frunch heels are busy at it. I asked the manager of the magazine whether he believed in such stuff, aad be replied tl at he did not know and asked if it was not really true. icer from Xhanghc l

Preparing for Journalism. Fond Sister Why do you fit up sc lata, Ham? You will ruin your health. Ambitious Youth Can't be helped, sister. The opportunity of my life has come. I am to have an editorial position on a great Chicago paper next week, and I am studying night and day to prepare for it brushing up, you know. "Is that what you waited of my Bhetoric and History of Athens?' "Yes, I left those books at college 01 lost them somewhere. I have been going over the entire classic course again, besides studying up all die noblest models of English literature, both poetry and prose. I'm bound to make my mark on my very first article if thorough preparation will dc it.'' Chicago Editor (a week later) Ah! Good morring. Glad to see you so prompt. Keady for work, I suppose? Ambitious Youth Yes, sir. "Well, taie that desk theie, and get us up a stirring editorial cn -Freights on Hogs and Hog Products.'" Fhiladelphia Becord. The First President's Suit. A notable point about tha iuaugura tion of Washington deseives special mention. He made his inaugural as th first American President wearing a suit o!; clothes wholly of Ameiican manufacture. His coat and waisi coat were of American cloth, his white silk stockings were made in his native State, Virginia, he bought his shoe buckles in New York. Even the powder in his hair was of American manufacture. In every detail of apparel, as well as in every detail of character, the first and greatest American President was all American John A dam a. the first Vice Fiosident,

voas also attired like his chief entirely from head ix foot in American fabrics. A lawyer is never so bund but he con cite authorities ,

Negro majority 171.838 The increase of the negro race for the ten years, from 1870 to 1880, was 208,404. or at the rate of 16.84 per cent. Th white increase was 1)7,179 the rate of increase being 25.27 per cent. If the same rate of increase and the same ratio has been preserved since 1880, in 1890 the negro population will amount to 959,888, while the white race will only have increased to 6u3f267, showing a negro majority of 356,921 in a total population of 1,563,155. It is supposed that the census of 1870 is not entirely accurate but it certainly gives a fair approximate of the relative population of the two race?. On the other hand, it is thought by manv intelligent persons that the negro immigration to the State has been much greater since than prior to 1880. The causes which have produced this increased of the colored race can be briefly stated. The birth rate of the negroes is higher and their death rata is a little greater than among the whites. Negroes from Alabama, Georgia, North Carolina, and South Carolina are coming in a steady stream to the Delta, while it is probable that, more white people are leaving than ore coming into the State. All these causes in combination, and continuing in full operation, in ten more years will present a condition of things difficult to contemplate or even imagine In 1880 South Carolina hd the largest colored majority of the Southern States, amounting to 212,227. Mississippi now greatly exceeds that number, while South Carolina if losing its negro population. If the westward tide of nogro immigration continues, in ten years South Carolina will probably have only a small negro majority, comparatively speaking. Louisiana in 1880, in a total population of 938,507, had a negro majority of 28,803, and this has probably been extinguished by the present time. It not it will soon be overcome by white immigration from Southern Europe. If the present state of things oontin ues in operation for ten years longer Mississippi will be the only State in the Union with a negro majority, and that will be of extraordinary proportions. Estimating one votet to every five per

sons, the figures show a negro voting population io Mississippi of 191,977 and a white voting population of 120, 653, giving a colored eoting majority of 71,326. The census of 1880 places the number of illiterate adult white males at 12, 473 out of 108,254, and colored males at 130,278, of which 99,C6f? are illiterate. The illiteracy was then, among the whites, 11 percent., and among the negroes 76 per cent Assuming that the same percentage and ratio exist at present, then out of 181,979 adult male negroes 145,804 are illiterate, and out of 120,653 white male adults there are 13,2tfl wh are illiterate; and in a total voting population of 312,023 there are 159,065 voters in Mississippi who can neither read nor write, which is slightly over 50 per cent, of the whole. It would be fair to assume, however, that illiteracy has taen decreasing in Mississippi in the lust ten years, but decreasing slowly. Allowing a wide margin for this there would be left 130,000 colored ard 12,000 white illiterate voters in the State. If illiteracy were eliminated from the suffrage there would be estimated approximately of the white voters, 108,-

! 653; of colored voters, 61,970; white vot- ! ing majority, 36,674. j This condition of affairs presents a j problem which every public man in i Mississippi shuns as he would a pestii lence. And yet everybody out of poliI tics knows that it cannot be postponed

forever. New Mississippian. A Snake That Loved Whislky. Owen Hatch, who keeps a grocery and saloon in Marion County, G eorgia, has a stock of liquor on hand in jugs One day last week a two-gallon jug of corn liquor was left sitting on the floor behind the counter. Mr, Hatch stepped behind the counter, and was surprised to Bee a large black snake coiled around the jug with its head inside. He watched it fer a moment and soon discovered that the snake was drinking liquor. It was not disturbed, and after several minutes it slowly uncoiled itself from the jug and attempted to crawl away, but was to drunk, and stretched itself out cn the floor, where it remained apparently asleep unlil the next day. Mr, Hatch examined the jug and found that the snake had drank more than a quart of the liquor- Two days later the same snake returned, and when it crawled under the counter Mr. Hatch watched it. By ooiling itself around the jug and giving its neck a twist around tliQ stopper it was able to remove the cork and again thrust its head inside and began to drink liquor. It was allowed to drink its fill again, after which it was killed. Exchange Comforting Advice. First Friend Hello, Jinks! got a bad old, I see. Bathe your feet in hot wa ter, and drink a pint of hot lemonade. Second Friend Inhale ammonia, or menthol. Third Friend Take four hours' active exercise in the ojeu air. Fourth Friend Sponge with salt w ter, and remain in a warm room. Fifth Friend Pui; on all th winter things you've got, and spend h&lf a day awing wood. Sixth Friend The best cure I know vf for a cold is to get; drunk. Jinks (with emotion) A friend in need is a friend indeed. LVs take drink. New York Weekly.

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