Bloomington Telephone, Volume 7, Number 35, Bloomington, Monroe County, 5 January 1884 — Page 6

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t ?. ; 0xe OX A TIME. 15 : ' BlXUTHEB G. RIG08. ' There never was as mournful dirire

i Of minstw-l's harp ur poet's rhyme, . A this Md sentence, in which merge Tkc buried years "Once on a tlmel f . Thsilootpst its caanns TecaUu -' I Ifcspcatejin language strong, sublime: Arthadow o'er life's auufhin falls; : . At these weird words "Once on a time!" ""Once on a timer Oh, heart of mine! Near kindred to "there might have been!" Sad syllabus, what thoughts are thine! And tongue for lands unknown, unseen! "Once on a time," with careless hand, I scattered seed on desert npace; ' E And lo! the weeds forsook the land. And golden fruit grew in their place! Thns, what we do and what we sa , Though numbered with the fleeting past, .Endured until the perfect-day, . And shall coutrent as each at last I ' : rfOY. TO THfe M MAN'S BXBS.;. Besido the open window . .,' Agry haired man sat down, ,' -. T The xailroaH train that bore him ? SpdthKHigh the erimy town;- -And everywhere, extended g", , . As far as eye could view; : The yellow corn and barley And fragrant orchards crew. Alontr the steely river ; Great factories were seen, And tiny new-born hamlets - Were nestled in the (rreen; ' And sounds of engine labor -' Yfejfe rnieinir to the skies, And-all the landscape bristled t With signs, of enterprise The Old man gazed about him And wiped away a tear, "Alas;" he sighed, "outblotted : Is all I held most dear. The trees, the woods, the mountains, f : . Tbe-prospeets I have known . All things that were familiar .' Are passed away and gone." Beside the stranger loitered A little shrill-voiced chap. And dropped a small prize package Into the stranger's lap. The old man started quickly. He started and was mute. He eyed the small boy's basket, Bis papers and his trait And from his laboring- bosom . -' - Came sighs of clad relief. And clutching at the train boy, He ntteVod this in brief: T fancied all was altered, A glad surprise has come, I see the sett-same packages '' Yea had 'ere I left home." JVew York Journal Helenore. i BY HE3XE C. GREENE. She came to oar door one dreary November day in a pouring rain, and begged in broken English thai we- would take her into our service. She belonged to a miserable' French .Canadian family that bad lived in the city for many years; but shiftless and -degraded as wiey were,-u was evident, from the young girl's account, that they condidered her the black sheep among them; and her mother, always harsh with her. for some reason had recently grown more so, till that morning, after an unusually cruel beating, Helenore she said her neme was Helet ore'Baldeau liad fled from under her hand, and

g. shaking off thadnst of her native allev,

wandered she neither knew nor cared

whither, till hunger and fatigue led her 1 v to seek a shelter with us. t Her plain and somewhat heavy face . was swollen and red with weeping, and 1 there 1 was a look of pleading in her . ; great soft black eyes that was difficult .to resist.

"Oh, if yon would but try me!" she

$ said, J. can do good many tings ; and 1 .- care only for some bread to eat and place to leer, and" with a shudder "to be hurt no more." 4 j I held, ..the door open and looked at her with compassion stirring my heart. "Poor child! she seemed so young and f yet so forlorn, standing there in her , -dripping garments. She' could not hove been more than 15 or 16 years old, 4 -J and she looked into my face with an ext pression of gentle confidence that I felt j it- would be.cruel to wholly disappoint. And. then she asked so li,ttle "only t . a place to leev and bread to eat, and to t be hurt no more.'' . The tears came to my eyes as the simple words recurred to me, and yielding to a sudden impulse I took her in, fed

her and. made her as comfortable possible; meanwhile turning it over and over in my mind as to what I should .do with her. - At dinner time I held a consultation with .Jack, the nominal head of the family; I say nominal advisedly, for he insists that I defer to him only as a -matter of form, after having fully de"termined in my own mind upon any 'Course of action. Be this as it may, he generally confirms my decisions, thus making assurance double sure; so this time, after looking over my "very latest," as he called her, he promised to go to-her another and negotiate, if he could, for Belenore's services. As a mult of that interview he found out for a certainty that Madame Baldeau was a horrible old vixen ; but she .readily agreed to let her remain in our employ if, after-a suitable trial, we so desired. When Jack came home at night he 'found us all together in the sitting-room. I was sewing, and Helenore was sitting near me playing with little Ned our S-old boy.

" Well, Helenore," said he lightly, "I have seen your mother, and you can -etay with us if you are a good girL " She turned toward him with a look -of unutterable gratitude and tried in . Tain to ftpeak; then, with' one viffc .movement, she threw herself at "my feet, E&,fastening her great eyes upon mine with aa expression I shall never forget, i. he made the sign of the cross upon her , forehead and breast. We s.aw her do this afterwards on several occasions when.deeply moved, l 'antl'it TCas as expressive and toueliing

& waj uvMijrxsuu. ... We soon became' rhuca attached to h.r aM her odd, wild ways furnished us no little amusement. One of her

A r favorite pastimes was to sit with baby in -1

4t?-tiid bacMlewraas)dplayber "ntusMj," ha, a mke calledt Hjl . rJakbdla& am inveritiaa br

MthnoT&'a, awn,, vd m only ontv btl her many and grotesque, .but,, poeaiai -.l-'oft Ttlv O C.tf .ktl AJl mi -tones, which the neighbors far and near cxm learned ; to marvel at and to deigenore s music.''

the most unearthly, but wi'tnl musical

Sometimes quite an andiehce would gather around her while' she played, and she always received their applause with much dignity, and as a majer of course. But there was one tiling about this instrument - very rtniiarkfible and mysterious; it veapon4ed to Helenore's touch and to her's Alone. Many others tried it, but always with poof success.

PEven Jack, who has a sort of facility with a dozen instruments, and can play the whole opera of "Patience" on a tin whistle, after a fashion, finally gave it up in despair, declaring that he believed Helenoire was a witch ; undoubtedly it was the peculiarity of her voice that gave to her tooting such wonderful effect. She seldom sang, and when she did, it seemed to be solely for the sake of giving vent to some powerful emotion otherwise inexpressible. ' Her- voice was low, but very sweet-and flexible; she had no high notes. I think she considered them too light ankl frivolons to convey the feelings of her soul., I once asked her why she never sang high.'f "Mine heart is down here," she answered, laying her hand upon her heart; and. I was glad to believe that in those low, deep tones of hers, so tremulous and so solemnly sweet, the strange, poetic soul of this poor, untaught creature found full expression and was satisfied. She sang her' own words generally, and they were without connectionsenseless jumble; and vet as she them them often possessed a weird and startling.significance. Here is one of her songs : . "O happy, happy me! So still, so still, white moon. To leev, to lov, to die. All still and white, to die!" J these questioning I found out what words meant to her. She .was at ease .with me, and could express herself more freely to me than to anybody else; so she tried to explain this verse. . She said she was "Oh,' so happy' with us. She loved her little chamber where she could be "all still," she loved to have the "white moon" look so kind ly upon her at night, and she felt it would be good to die there "all still and white." - In the spring, however, a change came over our Helenore.' Her deep content oave place gradu ally to a strange restlessness. She was no longer the faithful, attentive little handmaid I had learned, to love and trust. She seemed to be irresfstablv arawn away irom au ln-aoor occupations : if a bird sang near the house she t ii woula drop her work and run eagerly to the window as if she heard her own name called. If sue were sent down town on an errand, she was unaccountably long in returning; and, finally, one afternoon when she toek little Ned fpr his - accustomed airing she was gone for hours, wandering away across the fields, and bringing him home at. dusk, lying back fast asleep in his carriage, with a wreath of violets like a halo round bis golden head, and more clutched tightly in his chubby hands. She received my surprised reproof in sullen silence, and I waited in vain for some account of her absence. She grew more and more strange and restless every day, fretting and chafing over her light tasks like some caged animal, until, finally, I questioned, her : "Helenore, said I kindly, what is it that ails you? Tell me, and I will try to help you." At first she frowned darkly and would iot answer, but when I laid my hand gently and coaxingly upon her head I had noticed she loved to . have me. do so she yielded and her tongue was loose. "Oh, madam, do not be angry," she cried. "We have gypsy blood in us, mine moder do say and oh, I would be going!" stretching out her arms toward the distant fields with a swift and eloquent gesture of longing. "Oh, let me go ! I must go !" I was both shocked and disappointed, and I told her so, and tried to reason with her. . "Where would you go?" I asked. "There are no gypsies near that you could join, and you would soon starve and die alone; and, besides, how can you leave poor baby and me ? Do you not love us, Helenore?" Oh, I do, I do!" she cried, passion ately, throwing herself down upon the floor; "and I do tiy not to hear them call, I put mine fingers on my ears, but I hear them just the same !" "Who calls you, Helenore?" I asked. "All things out-of-doors; the birds and bees and the winds. They call me always,, always: they say, 'Helenore, Helenore, comef and I must go!" she cried, springing to her feet and looking wildly around. I feared she was losing her mind, and was much alarmed about her; we tried to divert and amuse her in every possible way, and for a few days she really seemed to be more quiet. But one morning we missed her. The afternoon previous, a hand-organ grinder and a woman, evidently his wife, entered our grounds, and Helenore went out to hear them play; and we noticed that she stood conversing with them in her .own language for some time afterward. . They had been hanging about the neighborhood several days, and somehow we felt sure she had gone with them. Our suspicions were confirmed by a farmer living a mile Or so above us, who sai4 he met theiri just at dusk, 03 he was? returning home . from the city a man and a woman and'ourHefcenore. He said- he recognized HeV enore at once, and. spoke to her, but she made no answer. We learned furthermore from her mother, that an organ-grinder ahoi hip .wife old acamrintgncQa, of the family i-had been . in the vicinity . for a week )asCaalfedputfuria, nfgbt of tW hei ixmae icbr she dobMi&iwft , tfr sand,' .-She made light ot aer daughter dfaapi!Mance, saying, with ft shrii 1 .etjfrtt sh3Jgars thatjkewlfj back soon, enough, . and seemm HbnwTOat in any case wfwefe wl of her. M 'ri:l ! But we missed her and we mourned her. and I did not try to fill her place. J My "very latest," as Jack stall called

her, seemed to have proved a sad fail,ure. I was lingering in my rose-garden in the-twilight of a warm September day, . hanging fondly over a Led of pet hybrids latest and sweetest of roses when I suddenly missed little Ned from my side, and, looking around for him, I spied him swinging on the front gate. 1 started to go toward him, and at that moment the figure of a woman sprang up, as it were out of the ground near him, and at the same moment I heard a glad cry from Ned : "Helenore ! Helenore!" It was our Helenore! She caught him to her breast and flew, swift as the wind, across the lawn to meet me, and dropping on her knees, with one arm still around the bewildered child, she clung to me desperately, sobbing and groaning : but not one word did she speak. 1 begged her to., rise, but she would not; so I sat down there on the damp grassland taking her head in my lap, soothed her with the old touch Gf the hand and loved so well. At last she heaved a long tremulous sigh she lifted her face to mine. "1 cannot ask you to forgeev," -she murmured humbly; "that would be too good for Helenore ; but I come to see you once more, and to tell you what is

heavy here" pressing her hand on her heart "and then to die. I led. her into the house and drew from her the history of her experience since she left us m the spring. ""Were the people with whom you went away Kind to you I" i asked. "Kind!" fIhs cr ie J,fiercely ; "Oh, they were indeed most cruel : True, tuev did never hurt me like mine moder, but they have made me to suffer that I wish not now to live any more. "But you likcdit at first, did you not the fields and woods and the music ?" "Yes; I liked well to wander and to be free ; but 1 1 earned soon that only .children and birds and squirrels are truly free not woman with a heart here and here" toueliing her forehead and laying her hand on her heart. jl wonuerea at ner woras, out x un derstood them later. 'Tor a few days we had a happy time, arid they were good to me, but then trouble' came. I could not dance when I was tired, and I could not learn to sing their songs and they laughed at my own poor songs ; so they began to speak only bad words to me and to care not if I starved and suffered. "We were far away I know not where when we came to large woods, where many men chopped the trees, and some wives and children were there, too, and I begged the music uiau and woman that I might stay and work for them and leev in a little hut; and I stayed. They, too, came back after ward and worke.d, "And were yon happy there ?" She clasped her hands tightly over her bosom, and a new and strange expression swept over her face that I did not understand. Happy! happy !r' she murmured; "Oh, ves ! listen 1 will tell vou ! "One chopper was kind to me; he said he loved me loved me !" she repeated solemnly, with a tender thrill in her voice that explained all. "And he was so kind to me, as if I had been a queen ! It was- he, too, madam, that did teach me to speak so well; for he was a YAnkee man," she added proudly, "and you see I do speak much better. JL assented. "Where is he now.'" 1 asked. "Oh, I know not! I know not!" she cried rocking herself batik and forth and wringing her hands. That wicked man and woman took me away one night ; they said that he, my Eloi, had sent for me to go to meet him far, far off; and when we found him not they mocked and laughed at my pain. Oh, I could kill them ! liars ! beasts!" The last words were only a hiss of rage, and she stopped short, choked with passion. "Helenore, I said, "why did they deceive you so? What had you done to them ? "What had I done to them ? Noting, noting; but they hated me like mine moder, and would not that I should be happy." Here she paused and a sudden revul sion of feeling seemed to sweep over her." '.'None are ever kind to Helenore." she said sadly "none but you and him." Then lifting my hands to her lips she kissed it reverently and made again that sign of the cross. I was deeply touched; 1 drew the girl to me and saidj with tears on my cheeks: "Stay with us, Helenore, and try to be happy again." "What? say you so? she cried, her i i , i it mi eyes wide with wonaer. " xnen, now, you do indeed forgeev like God." And she began to weep naturally and softly, ; shedding those tears that always relieve the heart. She was very tired, and when I re minded her, presently,- that her little chamber, and pretty white bed were waiting, she smiled for the fijst time. "Ah," she said almost brightly, "it cannot be that I shall die now, and per haps my Eloi will find me, though I could not find him. Her words proved prophetic. One night, a few weeks after her return, we were startled by the thrumming of a banjo under HelenoreY window, son joined by a lusty voice bawling ot right heartily some foolish ditty we hear in the streets. I sprang up atonce. "Jack," said I, "that is Helenore's Eloi; I know ill" . 1 went quickly to her room she had not' vet retired for the night and when opened the door she was standing like a statue by her bed; she turned as I spoke her name, and, w,ith a look of ecstacy, pointing to the window, 1 whis pered: ' "iuloi Jiloir . v "Yes," said. I; "go down and ask him to come in." ' 1 "Wait, wait !" she said mysteriously ; :and seizing her -music" the paper horn-she leaned far .out of .the window I and blew blast upon blast bt 'her most J uneartniy strains, wurai iy.iyLuiv w ib roar of her lover's voice, prcwuceef an effect indescribably strange and ludicrious. We oonoluded that he had heard

those sounas before, as otherwise, at the first blast, he certainly must have taken to his heels and run away. . Elias llogers for that was the young man's name was, in truth, a "Yankee man," as Helenore claimed, but he had lived, much among the Canadians and spoko their language like Lis own. We found that he was honestly in love with our Helenore; and, rough and coarse as he seemed, he doubtless had a romantic, sympathetic nature, or he could not have understood or appreciated her as he evidently did. We were relieved to find him in every way so worthy of her and so suited to make her happy. And now my story is soon finished. Helenore left us again, but this tinio with happy smiles and -the hope ol seeing us very often. In short, while I write, she sits out on-our piazza with her own babv in her arms, ami mv Ned

a big boy leaning on hor lop. She is tellhTig himrf he sha'l find when he conies to s'ejpll.' anil Eloi in the woods where ttopy, fue chopping birds' eggs to add Mxis collection, "Oh, so many kinds! btrelihey will only take one from eachwit' because the mother bird would be',sM i n 1 grieve." Her heart is tendervjaslof yore, but it never aches now;ex'cepf for others' woes. The Cowtiuenti I .. Humanitarian Jfjuge. 1 A good old man, being down town one evening, was nwjifed to join the Humanitarian Fiulgwii He was de lighted, and he join8. Next day,( while in his garden, he discovered a boy in his apple-tree. Here was an opportunity for showing . his neighbors how important a thing is humanitarian fudge. "See," he says, "how readily I shall subdue this -wicked boy-with humanity!" " So his neighbors . all gathered at the fence, and looked through the crack. "My good boy!" cried the - good old man, if you will come down from that tree I'll give you a great big piece of cake!" "Cheese it, cully! Whatter yu givin' me?" returned the boy, who always .used good language, because, his. parents were both respectable. The- neighbors behind the fence tittered. "Come, now, you know how wicked it is to steal! I shall have to tell vour father if your don't get down!" "He'll call you a liar, old chap, if you do. You'd better go in the house." The neigh bors tittered again. The good old man began o lose bis temper. . "Really, boy, I shall have to throw something at you if you don't come down !" "Throw and be denied ! you old fooll -I aiii't af reared o' yu!" retorted the boy. snatching another apple. "Haw, haw !" now shouted the neighbors. Here the good old man, quite angry, grasped a handful of grass-and hurled it at the boy. "Haw, haw! hee, haw!" yelled the asinine neighbors. "Fire away, ojd Stick-in-the-mud !" cried the boy. Tho old man was red-hot, and some of the neighbors had nearly sjjlit themselves. "You voung scoundrel!" he shouted, seizing a big stick of hickory stove wood, "if you don't come down this instant I'll bust you, you infernal little beast !" And without giving the boy a chance to reply, the good old man sent the cudgel flying. It grazed the urchin's ear. He dropped his apple, as the good old man reached for another club, the young rascal howled: "Oh, Lordy, mister, if you'll only let me come down, I'll pay for these apples, I will Oh, Lordy!" Down he came, and the neighbors, by instantly leaping the fence, prevented the good old man from killing tho child on- the spot. The good old man doesn't go down town any more. Louwvtllc CourierJournal. Gardens of the Sea. Among the many curious analogies born of modern investigation, none are more mterestnig than those showing striking cases of parallelism in the habits and customs of animals whose environments are totatly dissimilar. The ocean bed seems peopled with forms so resembling those of land that a modification of structure to conform witli their surroundings alone appears to be the point of difference. In drift ing over the reefs of our southern border, this resemblance between the creatures of land and sea is extremely striking. The gardens of the lower world abound in lavish growth ; trees, shrubs, waving vines are all reproduced in the wondrous forms of the sea. Here a forest of coral brandies (Madrepora) raise their myriads oi bristlingpoints, each flowered by a delieate polyp, and presenting a rich olive-green tint in contrast to the deep blue of the channel upon whose baiiks they grow. Pure as chrystal, the wkter seems to intensify the beauty I the objects, even in the greater depths; gayly bedecked fishes move lazily about, rising and Mling among the living branches, poisiag, perhaps, io pluk some morsel from a limb, in all their motions reminding us of the bircto- of the shore. These gergeous parrot'fishes are the sun-fishes of the sea; wevndrous tints azure-blue, golden-yelfow, and redmark them. Some appear irridescent and bathed in metalio tints, aa if encased in burnished armor, while many more, in modest garb, found in our colder waters of the North, call to mind the :robin and thrush, those wecome harbingers of spring. lint it is not in their color aloue that the fishes resemble the birds ; it is in the home-lifo and love of ofi'sprijaig that we find a close resemblance. Many are nostbuildors, erecting structures as complicated as those of tho birds, and eqallmg them in design attd finish. C. f. Holder, in llmipar's Magazine. Why She., Was JPuiiished. Little Miss Alice, 3 year old, has o very unfortunate haiiif of crying upon the slightest pretext. ''One day last week sh( was' warned3 ftta't 'the nex! time she crfed ' witltout good and sufficient cause she would be punished. but to play. Theptiiiishmont followed, and then this dialogued '9Do you khW why you was punished?" "Eth, mamma." "Why was it?" "Becauthe Bridget would not let me go out to play."

Soon afterward" sbfr 'iM'ed lustily. "Why-tfre you emiig ?! shfes'sked, "Becauso Bridglr :vffeitl& riS. lt me-gd

MINISTERS AND DYSPflPfll. Advice to Ailing: Clergymen fottt a'riendly My dear young brother : If you can, at the outsgt of your ministerial career, entirely divest yourself of any idea that you are possessed of lungs, throat or liver, believe me, it will be peace to your bones, and mercy to your congregation, and your usefulness in theJ pulpit Avill be largely increased. A whining man is always a horrible bore under all circumstances and in any profession. The more he whines, the. less do we sympathize with him. Wo strive to avoid him. We listen to his complaints only when he corners us; and then we don't believe one-half of them. And we charitably say that he exaggerates the other half. And whei: ' we believe he was only half so as he claimed to be first, it follows. ..that there is nothing whatever the,, matter with him. You have seen those highlycolored manikins which the demonstrators use on the platform, taking them apart to illustrate lectures on anatomy ? Well, I have sat under the ministry "of some preachers who came into the pulpit now and then, and exhibited themselves before tbe congregation as living wonders of dyspepsia, bronchitis, asthma, neuralgia, headache., torpid livers.

pore throat, influenza, a large and carefully-selected assortment of coughs and cohls, and rheumatic troubles, inflammations, congestions, sprains, bruises, contusions, malarial affections, and all the various ills to which a preacher is heir. If you aire an invalid, my dear brother, your congregation doesn't want a full report of your-, case and a detailed statement of Liebig's Concentrated Syrup of Genseng every Sunday morning. If a- congregation is any thing like other - audiences',- and I think "it is,, it doesn't eare one cent for your-' physical condition. The individual' unit of the congregation will be moved with com-' passion for your infirmity, and will - express and feel the deepest sympathy with you. But the mass of the aggregation will say, "We came here to hear a good sermon, not a lecture on anatomy." ' And they will expect a good sermon, too, and they will complain if they don't get it. Preach without any reference to yourself or your physical condition. -You can sometimes preach a Jieadache away. If you can't you will have to stand it. If you parade your distress before your congregation, you only distress the people worry and irritate and drive them away from you. They will even "wish to goodnes that man would either get well or quit, preaching." All this has a heartless sound, I know, but I believe it to be true, and it isn't altogether heartless. You must expect tov preach sometimes when you would rather run away like Jonah, than go into the pulpit. All men feel that way at times, and all men, from draymen to presidents, work when they don't feel like it. jB. J. Burdette. Druggists' Profits. "I suppose you are tolerably familiar with druggists' and the drug trade'?" said a reporter to a "traveling man," whose opportunities for going behind the returns are unexcelled. "Well, rather," answered the drummer, "I flatter myself that I do know a thing or two about the business." "I wish you would give me on the square, you know an idea of the profits of a prescription druggist." "Well, it's hard to figure it out exactly or even to average it. You see, the time consumed in making up a prescription, the cost of the drugs, etc., vary greatly, and besides, druggists have different ways of charging for them ; but Fll give you an actual occurrence and you may judge for yourself. I was selling some goods to a druggist, au old customer of our house, one day, in a town not a thousand miles from this city, when a man came in for a prescription which he had previously ordered. 'How much is it?' he asked. 'Sixty-five cents,' answered the druggist. 'Isn't that pretty steep?' asked the man. 'Oh, no; we couldn't afford to put it up for a cent less,' answered the druggist, with every appearance of frankness. After I had finished my business with the druggist, said I, smiling, 'Say, Smith, just for fun, let's figure up what that 65-cent prescription cost you.' 'AH right,' said he, smiling also. So we figured it up carefully, including every possible item his time at the rate of $5 a day, the cost of the drugs, bottle, label, cork, twine, wrapping paper, etc. The calculation was' rather difficult at times, seeing that the labels cost but 25 cents per 1,000, the corks 24 cents per gross, eta ; but we stuck to it, and the most we could make that 65-eent prescription cost was 6jcents. It happened to be one Avhich required no mixing, and the component parts were cheap ; but I gues it was a fair sample, all the same. By the way, did yotii ever notice that a druggist sel dom charges- 25, 50, or 75 cents for n prescription? He charges 20 or 30, 45 or 55, 70 or 80ents. It looks as though he was charging upon a fixed scale, instead! of guessing at it, with a liberal margin for profit, you see. It looks better, too, especially if the druggist stops and thinks a moment before announcing the price. Druggists size up their customers and charge accordingly, with an extra dime or quarter' added if the customer is unfortunate enough to be a trifle greea," Chicago Tribunt. War and Education C'eiuuared. A Belgian statistician has published some interesting facts about the comparative sums paid by each citizen in the various countries of Europe for war purposes avid for education. In England war taxes per capita amount to S-1.-15, educational- to 75 cents; in France the respective amounts are 5.17 - and 33 cents; in Prussia, $2.83 and -58 cents ; in ''Bussia, $2.45 and 8 cents ; in Italy, $1.85 and 16 cents ; in Austria, $1.60 and 39 cents ; in Switzerland, $1.16 "and $!.' Of all these countries, the last is the only one that makes a decent comparative showing for th'e instructjoft of. youth. The Bussian figures are peculiarly significant. Boston yXrcmscript .. ; ( t-'THEEE have been no bears in Connecticut since 1844. Cubans blood. eat snake meat for their

PITH 1ITD POINT.

The "dude" is a thing of the past. It 'is a "cipher" now. Natube is kind to her children, and generally provides for their needs. A soap mine has been discovered in Dakota. They are vaccinating the Indians of Alaska. If vaccination will prevent Indians breaking out, let the doctors tackle the Apaches. Air exchange says that "If Moses had been a Jerseyman,it would be a very easy matter- to tell where he was when the light went out. He would have been down in the cellar sampling applejack," Wouldn't he have been in the dark when the light went out? Texas has a girl lecturer, only 7 years of age. The New York Journal, after hearing of this prodigy, very f eelingry remarks : "It were better for the youth who will one day be her husband that a mitlstone were hung around his neck, and that he were cast into the sea." . Marysvuxe, Cal., sends the startling intelligence abroad over die country, "That boys of that place catch rats with a fish-hook and line." That may be wonderful, but there are a hundred places in the county where boys with a nsh-hooK and line, not only catch a cold, but many times they catch a licking. uaiirorma isn t so much ahead in this fish-line business after all. The papers never cease to tell funny stories on the churches that secure musicians to entertain the congregation. The latest story comes from the east. A Baptist "church secured a cornet player, and the minister, told the man to play something appropriate while the baptismal service, was bemg per formed. Just as -the good man led a convert down into the water the cornet struck up the old tune, "Pull fot toe Shore." The minister was bo mad he was fairly wet. ' rFrom Texas Siftinas. A horse-thief- m jail is worth two in the brush. There jus one cheering reflection cba nected with the subject of cremation. If it ever becomes general, caltowpoets will quit chanting their lays about the cold, cold grave. . It would never do in the world to put the telegraph wires under ground out in Wyoming. The citizens need them to string up their horse thieves and murderers on. am given to understand that Mr. Chas. A. Dana is considered quite .a fluent writer," observed au English gentleman to an American tourist. "Afflufluent writer! I shoulfl say he was. Worth over two million dollars and sports a $10,000 coop of game cocks. Affluent writer ! Well, I should say so." A State UjfiVERsrry student was pensively leaning against the Court, House, when one of his schoolmates came up anil nrlrli-Pssftfl liim ns "fn-nfftsfsnvr. " "0 please donfc do that again," said the first student imploringly. "Why-nbt?" inquired the other with no small degree of surprise. "Why people -will think I don't know anything." A man in Illinois was arrested and fined $25 for disturbing a ward meeting. We should like to know him. The man who has got the voice ;anl energy to disturb a ward meeting provided the latter-is healthy and active in its diabolical mission, is worthy of our acquaintance, and ought to be given a Government position as a fog-horn on a stern and rock-bound coast. "Don't you feel the need of the protection of the Lord?" inquired an itinerant elder of a boy lounging in front of a dwelling adjacent to a hard-looking saloon. " Well, no," answered the youth, "we don't feel the need of him much during the week, but we do shiver around some Saturday nights when the cowboys ' come into town and get drunk at the saloon. We kind o' look ' toward the Lord at those times." "What will we play now?" inquired a little Austin boy of his companion, after they had exhausted all known remedies in the way of games. "Let's play Legislature." ' "How do vote play it ?" "Why, call me." "Call you! What shall I call you, Tomaoy?" "No no; ya just call me ant 111 show down." "Show what down." "Or pshaw ! If you don't know bow to play Legislature, how do youiexpeet to do anything toward governing the people when you get to be a man'T White Lies. A man was being tried in an Arkansaw court for soaoe trivial offense Ho did not understand an excessive amount of the American language, and when the Judge said, "You are the defendant in this case, I believe," he retorted, "You can't come outside of this court and tell me thai." In Mississippi a case was being tried before a colored J ustice who had just been elected to that important position, and who knew much more about hoeing cotton than he did about law. The lawyer for the defense- m&de a long-winded speech and concluded by saying, "These are the facts in the case auu juu jj4hj utaw nuno j uh please from them." The defendant was acquitted, and as the court adjourned the Justice called the lawyer to him, and said : "I doesn't know much Tx)ut dese legal papers an' I wish you'd draw up dat infuronce fur me." Cttri Pretzel's Weekly. The Deadly American Humorist. The victory was won, but General Wolfe lay dying on the Heights f Abraham. Hearing the shouts of the soldiers, "They fly! they flyf tho General stood on his -elbow arid anxiously asked, "Who fly?" "Hqss fly," replied theergeant near by, and Wplfe, recognizing the forerunner of lie down and die before the batch ot lSSaitame along. Burlrngion JSfetofc, ye. . -S "t - ' ' ' ' ' Charles King, of Quebec, Canada, is 102 years old, but is shortening his life by the use of tobacco.