Bloomington Courier, Volume 9, Number 41, Bloomington, Monroe County, 11 August 1883 — Page 3
"TaiiK about newspapers lying and editors being unworthly of confidence,"
says Dorsey: "Why, beside the average statesman of to-day the newspaper writer is a paragon of truth and model ofw-
aoity." Dorsey evidently has. a gleam, oi
lesson aDontnittJ v
Mb. MWrauAW, a Kansas Gity scien
tist, has been traveling over the Stated
Plains of Texas, and declares that - just - below the surface of that arid region is
water in abundance for the stock: raisers. He- claims that a great underground riv
er, haTine its eourcbin New Mexico and
northwest of -the Wi
chita mountains, permeates this barren district of Texas: at the headwaters the
stream -a five feet below the surface and
y00 paces in-width. He says this river has
jjFthree or -mote outlets the first at Big
- Springs, thcseoond near Fort McKarrett
and others near Sen Antonie. Mr. Whe-
lan also says that what has been suppos-
, ed. in that remon to be white sand is
i really white marL
The last issue of the Churchman, an ecclesiastical organ which is supposed- to speak for the more conservative - episco
palians of the United States, has a note
worthy editorial against what it calls the
'Godless public school system? It reads like an-emanation from the New York
Freeman's Journal, presided over by the
"Abbe" MacMastera. The editor says
that "a gi eat many people besides the clergy of the ii'pman church are ready to
speak and think of it much as "they do, and it is obvious that the question must become the subject of searching disouesion.' And again: "Suffice it tossy that any so-called educational system which simply informs or trains the intellect.
- while he moral and spiritual part of
' man's complex nature is left to take care
The plan of the projected "Merchants and Telegraphisits' Association0 is to begin operations with a capital of $1(000,000 subscribed and paid in by 50,000 five members at 3200 each. The - organization will be formed when lO,00Q subscribers have been secured. Ihe membership will not be transferable,' which will prevent their being bought up to give one man or set of men more power than others Ho member can increase, decrease, or terminate his interest in the association, and there will bono dividends, instead of dividends each member will annually receive a telegraphing privilege to the amount of $20. When, any member dies his heirs will be entitled to the original investment and 10 per cent, on the accumulated surplus. There will be 21 directors chosen by vote, the 21 members receiving the highest votes beine- declared elected;
One of the most noted men of the conn try is Captain John Ericsson, the build er of the iron-clad Monitor that sank the Merrimae in Hampton Roads- He is again called to mind by the celebration of his eightieth birthday, on Thursday last He is still vigorous, mentally and physicially, and is intent on new 'inventions, one of his latest, a torpedo boat, being now just ready for trial His life has been one of moment. He wborn in a little mining camp in the vddle of Sweden in 1803 a granite monnnint now marking the spot At the age"of 18 he joined a corps of engineers who were surveying a shipcanal, ancThe was placed in charge of a section of the canal In 1832 he went to England, where he competed with Geo. Stephenson in the production of a locomotive engine. . Stephenson's- "rocket' -was declared the winner, but Ericsson main tains that his machine was better. Becoming dissatisfied with his. treatment in England, m 1839 he came to this country. He soon began building warships, and was brought into prominence before the world when he built the Monitor. He still resides in Beech street, N. X. city, sphere he devotes! his4 time to inventing new devices m the way of war ships. He is still in perfect health and finds nothing bat enjoyment in life. He is of medium height, of robust figure, ' with pleasant features; When he shakes hands it is with a strong grasp. In a word, he is the remarkable picture of a; hale, hearty and strong old maiC Jonathan Abnou, a wealthy land owner of Virgmia, who died recently, was a rank rebel during the war, as migh have been expected of one who was a brother-in-law of Stonewall Jackson. It might have been exacted, too, that Mrs. Arnold, Jackson's sister, vould have held like sentiments with her husband anil brother, but such was not the case: ; She remained loyal to the Union and during the early days of the rebellion opened her house to -wounded Union soldiers. Arnold was suspected' of acting as a spy for the Confederates and was arrested . and imprisoned. Upon his release he accused his wife of having instigated his H arrest This was not the case, but the s breach between them widened and a ' separation followed. In- the years that have elapsed since that time children and
friends have tried repeatedly to bring
about a reconciliation, but to no effect A
" few -weeks ago the old man fell1 sick, and
j. Mrs. Arnold, hearing of it, could remain
obdurate noloxcrer, but came uninvited to his bedside and . faithfully ministered
to him in his delirium. Before deth bis mind cleared, he recognized her who had been the beloved wife of his youth, and
asked to be text alone with her. n those
last moments the doubts and misunderstandings of twenty years melted away
into nothing, and when death came it
parted a reconciled pair; -
- ; The war was over long ago; and even
to the participants is but a dream, but
the tragedies and romances ssii: brought about will not be ended when the last rebel is eeonstnicted.wIndianapolis
Journal.
surplus shall be provided for dismbution
among the states. The idea iamonstrous.
It is deliberately proposed to raise by
taxation more money than is needed by
the government in order that a surplus
may exist in the treasury for distribution
The states are to be made rioh? happy
and prosperous by means of money
drawn from the people, and thus support
is to be purchased for the bounty system
Bounties have made the party mad.
One of the leading issues upon which the
democratic party carried the last election was that of tax reduction and an end of unnecessary revenue surplus. For a time the republican party was alarmed and
the protectionists paralyzed. A tariff
commission, organized to sustain the
tariff bounty system in all its enormity, was forced to recommend reductions. The republican majority, although stiffened up by the rallied bounty men, felt impelled to make a pretense of the wool
growers, who could least stand it
The bounty party-however, has rallied,
and through the Pennsylvania convention a step has been taken beyond anything
ever held heretofore by the wildest boun
ty theorist Instead of reductions made
advisable and necessary by a large surplus, it is deliberately proposed to hunt
up extraordinary means of expenditure in
order to continue high taxation.
The democratic party accepts the issue.
It starts out with the fundamental propo
sition, lying at the base of all taxation, that no more taxes shall be raised than
are necessary for he support of the gov
ernment economically a&mihisterecL It will lay all necessary imposts for necessary revenues so as to encourage industry,
but it will raise no unnecessary taxes for any purpose.
MOWN TG A SINGIjE ISSUE, i Cincinnati News Journal.
The republican party has come down
to a single issue in national politic?. The
party exists now solely for the protection of protection - It has to
with theidto of tariff for protection only with incidental revenue. Pennsylvania, with this extreme protection doetrine, is the controller of the republican party." The party has vone to such- extremes that the revenue idea is wholly loB 8jit oii7Bo far as revenue is concerned,' but actually the revenue is te be made the means of protecting protection. TJaV til within the past year the extremest republicans and protectionists would have regarded with horror the idea of raising revenues solely for the purpose of keeping up a surplus by which to maintain tariff bounties. To-day we find the republicans of Pennsylvania actually making it a plank in their platform that a
AN ENTERPRISING JOURNAL;
A Few Samples of the Special Telegraph
Service of a Western Paper. The Bismarck Tribune took advantage
of the opportunity offered by the telegraph strike to exhibit the robustness oi its imagination. It printed two columns of special telegrams of the most s ensa
tional cbmweter Below are a few sam
ples:
ELEVATOR ACCIDENT. Chicago, July 19. By the breaking of
a rope attached to the elevator on which
he was ascending to the third floor of the
City Hall, this mornin' , Mayor Harrison
was precipitated to the cellar, a distance of thirty-two feet, and instantly sobered.
By the breaking of the rope the city will suffer a loss, of fully 60 cents.
QA2F HE-DO rr? - Brooklyn, July 19. It is officially an
nounced that bills: will be issued in a few days. announcing that during his propos-
ecfcvisit Henry Ward Beeoher will walk a
tight rope stretched across one of the
canons of the Yellowstone Park, carrying his load of sin on his shoulders. His ability o perform this remarkable feat of strength is doubted by his friends, yet Mr. Beeoher is confident that he can suo: cePsfally accomplish. it. President Arthur wil'i it is announced, hasten his departure so as to reach the park in time to witness the exhibition. BEST ON RECORD. Bhoomsaias, I1L, July 19. In a trot against time at the Union Conrse, this after coon, David Davis made a mile in 2:02. This is the best time ever made in a single heat. The Senator's friends are much elated over his wonderful speed and solid bottom. He goes to Chicago to-morrow vjto go into training for the fall races. Just after the trot David Davis was abducted by two masked men and run off into the woods. The party were heading directly toward an oleomargarine factory and the worst is feared. ELOPEMENT OF SAMUEL J. TXLDEN AND . . THE JEBBEY LILY. Long Bbanch, July 19. The special car containing Mrs. Langtry and party reached this point early this: morning, as was announced, for a two weeks' visit. Yesterday a sasaH wiry man was observ
ed walking about the sheets with a quick
nervous tread, and it soon became known
that he was none other than Samuel Jehoshophat TSdenof Greystone. He was
approached by numerous friends, but re
pulsed each one coldly, his every movement indicating that some matter of more tuan usual import was occupying his thoughts. A few moments after the ar
rival of the special car a close carriage
drove up rand Mrs. Langtry appeared muffled in a heavy cloak. Mr. TOden
sprang to the ground and assisted her to he carriage, whispered a few words to
the driver, and then followed her into the
vehicle, which was driven away at a
breakneck speed. So rapidly was. this accomplished that lookers-on could not divine the meaning of the movement un
til the carriage was far put of sight, Mr.
Gebharthad not yet arisen, but upon hearing the commotion among the attfjhee of the car he sprang from his bed hastily dressed himself, and upon being made acquainted with the facts, cried out in. anguish, "Lily ! Lily ! Must I lose your and before any one. could prevent it, placed a revolver to his head, fired and sank to the floor of the car. A physician waa at once called,who probed the wound and announced that he had made one of
the most remarkable; discoveries of the age, the to of the unfortunate brevet husband's head being found to be hollow and entirely: devoid of brains. The bullet hole was tilled with medicated putty, and great hopes are entertained of the recovery of the wounded man. That the affair was a preconceived' one there ' can be no doubt. The present whereabouts of the giddy lovers is not known, but it is surmised that they have fled to the untrodden wilds of New;iJersey, where they can defy pursuit. Lateb, 3 o'clock p. M.At2:30 o'clock Gebhart rose from his bed, and despite tha warnihgs of his physician and the pleadings of his friends, left the hotel, proceeded to the depot and purchased a
ticket for Livingston, Montana. When asked by a reporter if he thought theLily had gone there, he replied that he did not, but that a fairer one than; she dwelt in that mountain region. Calamity Jane has been notified and advised' to light put for the hills
THE SWEET COUNTRY COUSINS.
How dear to tl hearts are tbe sweet country
cousins , . . , When d off-days 'f summer begin to draw near,
When brioka have grown hot and when sunstrokes
by dozens Pill body with anguish and bosom with fear !
The green waving field and the sweet-smelling
breezes.' ,. .... . The 1soaping from tar moll to quiet and clam.
The rioh. creamy milk, which the ready hand
seizes,
And e'en the brown cousins who live on the farm
The plain country cousins, tho uncultured cous-
... .' ;.ina, ... . .
The sweet couutry cousins that live on the farm.
The sweet oolmt ry couBins! Oh, aren't they a
trersure; How handy to have them at vacation time ! And paying one's board is a too costly pleasure When all can be had without spending a dime.
How pleasant to lire on rich cream and ripe ber-
. riee
Fresh golden-huod butter and cakes light and
. warm.
Frao use ef the horses, the carts and thowher-
...... riee.
Of fhnRTpftflt country cousins who live on the
farm.
How Hear are the sweet country cousins m sum
mer ! '. .
How fragrant the meadow, romantic the down! But straightway your faces begin to grow glum
merAt thoughts of their visit next winter to town. The theatar, the concert, the leoture, the money
Expended in tickets ! the thought gives a qualm:
The sequel of summer is not so funny
Whv flnn't, tha sw&at oousins remain on their
. farm? "
The brown-visaged cousins, the great awkward
cousins,
The clod-hopper cousins uhouia stay on tneir
farm.. , Boston Traneoript.
A RICH REWARD.
; The following placard hanga Tennessee etore window: ; ' Peppermint He for - Hedake ' '- " Belle
up in a
'Take Notice," is the name of a new town in Idaho. If it wasn't for.the name some people might not see the single saloon which comtitntes the place,
'Toor old sonlj how white she is! and
how weak she looks, and how sad!" said Clare Kainsf or d, the tears of heantifnl,
womanly compassion gathering thiok in the bine eyes, and slowly coursing down
the blooming cheek. She stood in ishe doorway of the old red brick farmhouse, and the sunshine from the broad summer fields outside rushed about her, and made living gold of her beautiful hair, and she stoodon its light, with a heavenly pity on her pure face, aB though she had but newly alighted upon earth from some fairer region. She was looking at the figure of an old woman, crouohed on a. low armed oh air, a fc the of posite wall. ' She was muoh' travel-stained. The shoes were dragged down at h el, thick with the mud of many ;highways, and in some places burst open ; the dress an old silk one was verv raeged, but not. as if
from wear; there were great rents, as if the poor soul had forced her way through thorn and bramble-thickets. Her head was unooyered, and the grey hair ieU dishevelled and unkempt. Her face wus very pinched, very white and hollow-cheeked. She had all the lo jk of 4a vagrant, wandering from rln t place,
ri-eady to take revenge on f i rViy for real
cr fancied wrongs it tuy:.d from.it. So thougnt Aunt Martha, as 'she came into the room, at the moment, with a plate holding a golden pyramid of blocks of butter; '. " . ' Gracious me, child, cried Aunt Martha. "Where did you get this creature, in the name of goodness? Why did you let her in at aUr "Well, Annt Mattie," said dare, quietly, "I can hardly say that I let her in; but I found her on the road, jusfi at cur gate, almost fainting, and I bronght her in, Aunt, as I am sure ysu would do yourself." f ' . ;V : T "AH very well, child; but this creature is a tramp, and one of the dirtiest and raggedest an i3 I hate tramps, and you know I do. And Tm not goin' to . have my house leastways Yb my brother Thomas', which is all the same filled with a nastv creature, all over mud; and Heaven knows what tuey have picked np in the woods, and fields, and ditches. So my old woman, just let me see you tramp ont o my house this minnteP The old woman turned a lack-lustre eye on the speaker, and stared at her. as it hardly comprehending her; but Aunt Martha's raised voice, the fiush on her face, and, above all, the expressive gestures towards the door, were too significant to be misunderstood. - The poor creature feebly rose, andwith a half bow, th) graceof which formed a singular contrast to her dress and appeararce, tottered, rather than walked, slowly towards the door. : : : She did not reach it, for Clare, with a fitful color in her cheek and a oertam
steely glint in her eyes, led her back to
her seat. As the poor old creature reached it she sank down on the edge; thensliding from it to the floor,laid;there a heap of muddy rags, with the white face, now insensible, staring out from it. "She has fainted, aunt Fetch a smelling-bottle rnd a glass of water." Her voice was stern and Aunt Martha had never seen such an expression in the handsome young face. 'fLaw, child!" she said, as she came in with the two requirements, and busied herself about the insensible form, t(IM never thought the poor creature could be took eo hard. If I had looked into her face a little closer J might have seen she was in no fit condition to tramp the roads. But;' she added in a whisper, 'she be
awful dirty and she be a tramp." . "I don't think she is a t ramp as the rest are, aunt. She has some trouble, you may depend upon it, and it has touched her brain." , "Nonsense, child ! You are too romantic altogether. Anybodj who looked a minute at her would say she was a tramp all her days. But she has come to. Are you better now, my de r? Could you take a glass of milk ?" . The old woman was serionsly ill too ill to be removed, even if there was any place to remove her to; so that Aunt Martha wes obliged to digest the venom of her spleen against tramps and trampdom as best she could, and the invalid
w a placed in Clare's own bed, and the doctor wact sent for; " . .. J?hen REr. Dickson, Clare's unole,oame home he entirely approved the proceedings, and declared he should never have held up his head if the lowest of God's creatures had been driven from his door to die by the roadside. Nothing could surpass the devotion of Glare to her invalid. The latter's dress had been removed andsome of Mies Dickinson's substituted. And now that she was cleaned and "tied up," she presented a much more aristocratic appearance than Miss Dickinson herself. She waa in a high fever and required careful nursing. Her ravingp were incessant, and Clare could gather from them that the surroundings of her life must have ben elegant and refined but m
olue as to her name. Clarets devotion had its origin in her pity and charity,but indeed she felt t be necessity of the occupation aflorded by this good aotion,to fill the void left hi her heart by the first great grief of her life. Clare Rainsford was an orphan, her parents having died when she was at an early age. She spent a year alternately at her paternal uncle, Mr. Rainsford's old home in Chestnut Hill, and at her maternal uncle, Mr. Dickson's farm in Buckinghamshire. At Chestnut Hill Bhe had met Philip Everett, and after a short courtship accepted him as her lover. No girl was happier than Olrre. She loved Philip with the whole strength of her strong heart and she knew she was beloved by
him. . .
in tne midst or ner joy sue reoeiyea a letter from her lover's mother forbidding the engagement, and charging her if Bhe
loveel Philip una lfishly to break it; oth-
erwi she would destroy his prospects in
life, for his mother would disinherit him and his friends forsake him.
Clare could bring her husband abso
lutely nothing but her worth and beauty,
for both her uncles were in straightened
circumstances, while Philip moved in the
highest and wealthiest circles.
She sent the letter and engagement
ring to him, and immediately went to
Uncle Dickson's, charging her Uncle
Rainsford t roveal to no one the place
of her retreat
The care of the sick woman, and the
consciousness of having done a good ac
tion, often relieved her young JUeart; but
the wound remained in it.
Alter awhile the invalid recovered so
far that she could sit in a chair in her
room.
She merely t aid that she had met with
an accident to the head some months before, which affected he intellect. She
had a vague recollection of having wand
ered far and long from her home.
She had just confided these facta to
Clare, but as a little talking exhausted
her, she could not mention who she was
or where she lived.
She had become extraordinarily attach
ed to Clare, and would lie back on the pillow of her easy-chair, regarding her
witn a fixed look of love and gratitude.
As Bhe now sank into a doze, Clare
.noif elessly left the room and went put
or a walk. Half an hour later, a handsome young
gentleman mounted on a fine horse; stop
ped at the gate, and dismounting, tied the animal to a post. He then walked
quickly up the path and marched into
the room where Aunt Martha was dust
ing the furnifcu re.
"Miss Dickson?" takiugofi his hat "I'm Mis3 Dickson," i aid that lady, "Well, nadam, about a mouth ago,my
mother, who had become somewhat de
ranged from an accident to her head, wandered away fiom home. All this time we have been unable to find her; but I
had traced her to this neigh borhcod, and
about an hour ago I learned that you
had charitably given shelter to one who
seeiCiS to answer her description. For
Hearen'3 sake, madam, tell roe! We are all nearly crazy about it."
Ho was very agitated, and spoke most
eagerly indeed, with tears in his eyes.
Aunt Martha dropped the duster and
said, -
"When this old woman came, all torn
with travel and all over mud, I says this is a tramp; and I do be down on tramps,
young man. So I won't deny itI told
the poor, sick old soul to bo ofT out of the place, as I suppose others did before
me. J3ut mv niece. Clare, how she did
flare up, and wouldn t let her go. And I thank Heaven she didn't go for she was near death's door. 1 didn't mean it hard, young man; but tramps is my abomination. Well my niece Clare she says, This ain't no tramp aunt!' and she hung on to the poor old woman and nursed her., and kept death away from her, and did muoh as if she was her child. Now yen come up stairs, but don't make no noise. You see, we intended to ask her name and where she came from, this very day. If it is your mother don't give her no slnok, and creep up ea y. Law's how you're trembling I" He was trembling, indeed, wih love and fear. He pictured his mofher, haggard, white, weak, merely paroled for a time by def.tb, before he made her prisoner for aye. He stood in the doorway; and propped up by pillows in the big arm-chair by the window sat his mother pale, indeed, but country air and wholesome food, and above all, deroted nursing, had called back into her face an expression she had wanted before she wandered away. It was plain to her son's loving eyes that she was on the high road to complete recovery. v At the moment, she opene t her eyes, lini mother and son gazed on each other, then, with a cry of love and joy, the son was kneeling beside the chair of the mother whom he had almost worshipped nil his life. Miss Dickson waited for some few minutes, to be on baud if the old lady fainted: but she did nothing of the sort.
I3he cried over her son, and called him by
name again and again. Then Aunt Martha slipped downstairs, and out into the garden. Meanwhile, -mother and son had a happy conversation. She seemed to gather new energy as he spoke. She told him all the devoted attention that she had received from her nurse. She praised her kindness, her goodness, her beauty.; The keen old eyes had even detected that she was unhappy, and, oh, how she had longed to comfort her! She had only heard her called Clare, and, of course,believed her name was .'Dickson. How could she repay this angel ? Oh, how Bhe loved her! "My son" she said, "if I could have such a daughter for life! If you could only forget your foolisn passion for that girl I have never seen, and try to love my Clare, and try to make her love you, how
happy I should be!" But her son shook his head. "Mother, the name brings up the pure, beautiful face of my Clare, whom I have lost. I can never love anyone else, and I fear I shall never see her again.'' A step came quickly but softly up the stairs, and turning round, as the door opened, the mother saw her Clare, and the son his, standing in the doorway gazing on them with a strange look of joy and fear. But the next moment "Clare!" 4Philip" rang out in tones that only ' lovers can use, and the two were locked in eaob otbr
er's arms, while onto old flfrs, Everett's
face amazement, and then joy unuttera
ble, rushed, and she held out her tremb
ling arms, and took her new daughter's
head and held it to her heaTi
Lawyer and 'Squire.
Judge West, of Ohio, is a remarkable
man. He has been afflicted all his life in some serious manner, but the most distressincr was the impairment of lus
vision twenty years ago. For a long time
he bad partial sight,but not the ability to
read, and the oulininafdou, a number of
years ago, was total blindness. He did not retire from politics or the practice oE
his profession, and has so schooled his
memory that after having the authorities
read to him in the preparation of a case
he can lay tnem away m rus capacious
brain, and when the tiM comes to use
them can recite them without an error.
An old friend relates the following story
concerning his earlier life:
I was living on tho Ohio side of Union
City, and was studying law with a young
cousin practicing in Greenville, the county seat. He was a brilliant advocate, and
had a good deal of local fame. Judge
West was then, as now, living in BaHle-
fontaine, and had already achieved some eminence in that part of Ohio. A case
was to be heard before an old farmer justice of the peace, who knew as much
about law as he did about the iiluminiint
iu vogue in the Celestial City. Judge West was employed for the prosecution and my cousin for the def mee. It was a hot day in Angust, cud the 'squire's little office was blazing from rays of the afternoon sun. Judge West proceeded with his argument, and the 'squire commenced mopping his face with a cotfeon red bandanna handkerolnef. The judge spoke for about two hours, and it was evidlent the justice was becoming very restive. At its conclusion he gave asigh of relief, but judge ot his dismay when I ontered with a great armi'ul of books, which I deposited on the table, and the young attorney proceeded to arrange them preliminary to the presentation of his side of the case. The 'squire leaned
against the wall with an air of despair,
and wanted to know how much time he
would require. "1 think I oan get
through in about the same time occupied
by Mr. West." The old fellow jumped
to his feet and shouted:
"Look here, Ed; d d if I'll stand it. If
you will say nothing about the case, . Til decide in yonr favor, but il! you make a speech, d-d if I don't decide against
you.
Ed accepted the arrangement, and West
remembered the scriptural in unction about casting pearls before swine.
The Keeley Motor.
B ston J ournal's New York Letter.
I met to-day tha chief support of that
psychological puzzle of the age the Keeley motor. Mr, Prank Gv Grren was a prosperous manufacturer of iron pipe
mtil he became infatuated with $he mo
tor in 1874 and neglected his business. Bankruptcy ensued. Since then he has
been Keeley's chief supporter, the treasurer of the company, and'eonstanfc friend
of the wildest fraud of the times. I fcnew Mr. Green when he was in the iron busi
ness, and when we meet I never fail to ask him how the mr tor is coming on. Sometimes he invites mo to a little office he has in the Boreel building and shows me pictures of the motor and reads me Mr. Keeley's latest esplauations 'of this great discovery, which might a well be written in Ohoctaw for all: the senso they convey. To-day it was the same story that I have heard for the last ten years. tIt's all right this tame," he said, "there's no mistake about it now. Our 500 horse-power engine is already to put together By the middle of next month we shall give you newspaper men an exhibition that will convert you all. The stock w 11 go up to $5,000 a share within two days after your articles appear."' "What is it worth now?" I ventured to dsk. 1 Five dollars a share if any one wants to buy. But when our locomotive brings a train of cars from Philc4elphia to New York at a cost of tsn cents, then you will believe in it, won't you? "Not only that, but Mr. Keeley lias so perfected his invention that by running wires from his generator into Pliiladelphia, says he can wor k all the engines in New York. It's the Eimplest thing in the world. Next month you will see the grandest revolution t3ie worjd has ever known." "'...., So it has been for ten ' years. It is always to happen next month, and so it will be until the public tires of it For ten years Green has been collecting money from credulous persons, while Kee.'ey tinkered at his absurd rattletrap. . Green tells me that about 200,000 in all has been subscribed, of which sum less than $55,000 has gone to Keeley, the rest having been spent upon the machines A Cure for Styes. Among the most troublesome and often-noticed eye affection are what are known as hordeolum, or common stya Dr. Couis Fitzpatriek, in the Lancet, differs from some of his professional brethren who persisb-in ordering the application of poultices, bathing-with tepid water, &c. These no doubt do good in the end, but such applications have the great disadvantage of prolonging the career of these unsightly sores, and encourage the production of fresh ones. Dr. Fitz pa trickhas found after many trials, thelooal application of tincture of iodine exerts a well-marked influence in checking the growth. This is by far preferable to the nitrate of silver, which makes an unsightly mark and often fails in its object. The early use of the iodine acts as a promp abortive. To apply it the lids should be held apart by the thumb and index-fingr er of the left hand, while the iodine is painted oyer the inflamed papilla with a finecamelhair pencil. The lids should not be allowed to come in contact until the part touched is dry. A few suoh applications in the twenty-four hours is sufficient. . ? Born a Colonel. Boston Globe. ,: A few days after a baby was born in
Newport, Kentucky, a gentleman neighb.r called in the house, and, on being shown the young one, said to it, "How are you, Colonel ?" Its mother then asked, 'Why do you call it Colonel?" "lite a male chill, isn't it?" he responded. "Yes, replied the mother. "Well, then, hea a Colonel. By the common law oi! Kentucky, every male child bom in the State is a Colonel." The mother was greatly tackled over the fact that she was the mother of a Colonel. Mrs. X., heaiing that Jullien's music was being revived in New York, wanted I to know if it was played on a "olaretnet,"
THE BAD BOY.
"1' am thy futher'u ghost," said a sheeted form in the doorway of the grocery, one eveniug, and the grocery man got behind the cheese bos, while the ghost continued in a sepulchral voice; "doomed for a certain time to walk the night," and, waving a chair around the ghost strode up to the grocery man, and with the other ghostly hand reached into a box of figs. "No you ain't no ghost," said the gr.i eery man, recognizing the bad boy, "Ghosts do not go prowling around groceries stealing wormy figs. What do you mean by this sinfal masquerade business?' My father never had no ghost' "O, we have struck it now," said the bad boy, as he pulled off his mask and rolled up the sheet he had worn around him. We arc going to have amateur theatricals to raise money to have the church carpeted, and I am going to bosB the job."
"You don't say," answered the grocery man, as he thought how much he could sell to the church people for a sfrawberry and ice ceam festival, and how little he could sell for amateur theatricals. "Who is going into it and what you going to play?" "Pa and ma, and me, and themiuister, and three choir singers, and my chum, and the minister's wife, and two deacons, and au old maid are rehearsing, but we have not yet d cided what to playi They all want to play a different play, and I am fixing it so they can all be satisfied. The minister wants to play Hamlet, pa wants to play Bip Van Winkle, ma wants to play Mary Anderson, the old maid wants to play a boarding school play,and the choir singers want an opera, and the minister's wife wants to play Lady Mac
beth, and my chum and me want to play
a double song and dance, and I am going
to give tsbeni all a show. We had a rehearsal last night, and I am the only one able to be around to-day. You see they have all been studying different plays, and they all want to talk at once. Wc let the minister sail in first. He had on a pair of his wife's
blaok stockings, and a mantle made of a
linen buggy lap blanket, and he wore a
mason's cheese knife such as these fellows
with poke bonnets and white feathers wear when they get an invitation to a funeral or an excursion. Well, you never
saw Hamlet murdered the way he did it.
His interpretation of the character was
that Hamlet wss a dude that talked
tlfrough his nose, and while he was re
peating Hamlet's soliloquy, pa, who had
come iu with an old hiinting suit on,, as Rip Yan Winkle, went to sleep, and he didn't wake up till Lady Macbeth came
m, m tne sleep walking scene, one
couldn't find a knife,- so I took a slice of
watermelon and sharpened it for her, and
she made a mistake in the one she was to stab, and she stabbed Hamlet in the neck
with a slice of watermelon, and the core of the melon fell on pa's face, as he la
asleep as Bip, and when Lady Macbeth
said, Out damned spot pa woke up and felt the gob of watermelon on his face and In thought be had been murdered, and
ma came in on a hop skip and jump, as
Parthenia,' and threw her arms around a deacon who was going to play the grave digger, and began to call bim pet names, and pa was mad, and the choir singers they began to sing, 'In the North Sealived a whale,' and then they quit acting.
You'd a dide to see Hamlet, j The piece of-
watermelon went down his ' neck, and Lady Macbeth went off and left it in the wound under his collar, and ma had to pull it out, and Hamlet said the seeds and the juice was running down inside his shirt, and he said he wouldn't play if he was going to be stabbed with p slice of melon, so while his wife was getting .the melon seeds out of his neck, and drying the juice on his shirt, I sharpened a cucumber for Lady Macbeth to use foi a dagger, but Hamlet kicked on cucumbers too, and I had more trouble than any stage manager ever had. ' Then pa wanted to rehearse the drunken scene in Kip Van Winkle, where be hugs Greohten and drinks out of a flask behind her back, and he got one of the choir singers to act as Grechten and I guess he would have been hugging her till this time, and have swallowed the flaslc if mvhad not took him by the ear, and said a little of that would go a good ways in an entertainment for the church. Pa., said he did not know as if was any worse than her prancing up tci a grave digger and hugging him till the filling came out of his teeth, and then the minister decided that we wouldn't have any hugging at all in the play, and choir girls said they would not play, and the old maid's struck, and the play come to a stand still " ifWell, that beats any tiling I ever heard tell. Itfs a shame for people outside the profession to do play acting, and. I won't go to the entertainment unless I get a pass," said the grocery man. "Did you rehearse anymore?" . . - ; ''Yes, the minister wanted to try the ghost scene," said the boy, "and he wank ed me to be the ghost. Well, they have two 'Markses' and two 'Topsies' in Uncle Tom's Cabin, and I thought two ghosts in Hamlet would about fill the bill for amateurs, so I got my chum to act as one ghost. We broke them all up. I wanted to have something new in ghosts so my chum and me g. .t two pairs of ma's lpng stockings, one pair red and-one pair bue, and I put on a red one and a blue one, and my chum did the same. Then we got some ruffled clothes belonging to ma, with flounces and things on, and put them on so they came most down to my knees, and we put sheets over us, that came clear to our feet, and when Hamlet got to yearning for his father's ghost, I came in out of the bath room with the sheet over me, and said I was the buckle berry he was looking for, and my chum followed mo out and said he was a twin ghost, also, and then Hamlet got on his ear and said he wouldn'6 play with two ghosts, and he went off pouting, and then my chum and mo pulled off the sheets and danced a clog dance. Well, when the rest of the troupe saw our make up, it nearly kills 1 them. Most of them had seen ballet dancers, but they never saw them with different colored socks. The minister said this benefit was rapidly becoming "a farce' and before we had danced half a minute ma she re-, cognized her socks, and she came lor me with a hois box. and made me take them, off, and pa was mad and said the dancing was the only thing that was worth, the price of admission, and he scolded ma, and the choir girls sided with pa, and just then my chum caught his toe in the carpet and fell down, and that; loosened the plaster overhead and about a bushel fell on tfte orpwd. Pa thought . lightning
had struck the house, the minister thought it was a judgment on them all for play acting, and he began to shed his Hamlet costume with one hand and pick
the plaster out of his hair with the other.
The women screamed and tried to get the plaster out of their necks, and while ; pa was brushing off the choir , singers ma
said the rehearsal was adjourned and
they all went home, but we are going to
rehearse again on Friday night. The
play cannot be considered a success, but
we will bring it out all right by the time
the entertainment is to come off."
"By gum," said the grocery uian, 1 would like to have seen that minister as
Hamlet. Didn't he look funny ?"
"Punny! Well, I should remark. He seemed to predominate. That is, he was too fresh, too numerous, as it were. But
at the next rehearsal I am going to work in an act from Richard the Third, and my
chum is going to play the Chinaman of the Danites,and I guess we will take the
cake, Suv. I want to work in an idiot
somewhere, How:would you like to play
the idiot. You wouldn't have to rehearse
or anything'
At this point the bad boy was seen to
so out of the crrocery real spry followed
by a box of wi oden clot lies- pins that the
grocery mai. had thrown after him. Things Worth Knowing.
To beat the white of eggs quickly put in a pinch of salt. The cooler the eggs
the quicker they will froth. Salt cools
and also- freshens them ... " . '
Beeswax and salt will" make rusty flat-
irons as smooth as glass;.
If you wish to pour boiling hot liquid
into a glass jar or tumbler, it can besafe-
ly done by put ing a spoon in the dish
before you pour, but a draft ofe cold air
must not reach it. Boasted coffee is one of the most powerful disinfectants, not only " rendering animal and vegetable effluvia harmless, but really destroying them. An attack of indigestion caused by eat
ing nuts will be immediately relieved and
cured by the simple remedy, salt. Medical men recommend that salt should be used with nuts, especially when , eaten at night. -v . The unpleasant odor left on the breath after eating onions is entirely removed by a cup of strong coffee; and the coffee being prepared while the onions are being cooked counteracts the smell. Tough meat may be made as tender as any by the addition of a little'vinefirar to
ithe water when it is put on to boil.
The reason why cabbage emits such a disagreeable smell when it is boiling is because the process dissolves the essen
tial oiL The water should be changed when the cabbage is half-cooked, and it will thus acquire greater sweetness. .., On coming out of a warm room or hall, to wa .k home on a cold or dark night, do not indulge in too much conversation, however agreeable your escort may be. Breathe through the nose and keep the
mouth shut as much as possible.
It will rest you wonderfully to change
your seat in the room occasionally if you have a long dav's sewing to do. It soothes and cools a feverish patient to bathe him with warm water iu which a little salaratus has been dissolved. Cream cures sunbur n ou some complexions, lemon juice on othere,,aud cold waiter suits still others better. "You Are a Liar " : Boston Herald ,., Uncle Hank Alien? was perhaps the smoothest and most accomplished liar in Central New YorkV Whyrtheold manV lie3 were so smooth, so artistic, that while listening to them you imagined you were listening to Elder . Cleveland's Bible stories. One day we were all talking about potato bugs in Uncle Hank's grocery, which was a sort of village farmers' club. Old' Hank scratched his head
thoughtfully and remarked: ' "Gentlemen, you don't any of you appear to know any thing about , the ravenous nature of them pofcater bugs. You may call me a liar, but I've had potater bugs to walk right into my Mtohen and yank red-hot potaters right out- of the oven. Waiting around the potater patch for the second crop! exclaimed Old hank with a sneer. "Waiting? Why, confound your eyes, I was up at Tpwnsend's store yesterday, and I saw potater bugs , up there looking over Townsend's' books to see who had bought seed potaters for next year. I did, by gosht ; The whole grocery was still when Uncle Hank finished. You could have heard a pin drop. Finally a long, lean man from Woodman's Pond raised him elf up near the door. He was e vidently a newcomer and not acquainted with Mr. Allen. Pointing his long finger at Uuole Hank, exclaimed: ' ; fYou arealiar!" Uncle Hank looked over his glasses at the stranger long and earnestly; Then holding out his hand, be inquired withf a
puzzled look: "When did you get me?"
MISPLACED
CK)NDFIDENP;
There Was'a man hehad a dock; ; Hifl name wasBIatthew Wears, ? He wYund it regulary every day ' For four and twenty yean. At last his precious timepieoeiproved An eight-day clock to be . And a madder man than Air. Hears You'd never wish to aeeV 7 1 " V
.4.
condiments:
Three times did Mare Antony present to Cft33ar a kingly crown, and Csesar thrice W refused. It is probable that Mr...,Ca3sar T wanted pie. . : : Vf,,-,.: ..; - " Most of the present (Governors of the' Southern States are going to run for reeleotion, but State treaaarers generally? run for Mexico. -; , - J An exchange eay s it makes a woman sick to keep a secret.1 He must have' guessed at it, as it has never yet been put, to a practical test.-. ,. & .. .J ' . If the pictures can be believed, it was ? very simple matter f&r an ancient Koman . to gel; ready for bed: He iv iooL:l : sandals oft that's all. 1 " a i, -y.
It has been remarked that every miner knows his lode, but the history of the rise and fall of the toy pistol has proven thai; every minor doesn't know his load' "'. The Boston City Oouncil has appoint ed a oommitte to disensa the treatment of inebriates. "Treating" is what helps to make them inebriates: . , ; ; rtk Things are coming to a pretty pass in"
Kentucky when a preacher has his salary
docked for time lost on a trip to
duel in the distant part of the State.
"This is running all my hopes into the ground," said the old girl, as she stood
weeping beside the grave of-the man to
whom she was engaged to be married. At a medical examination a yonngas-; pirant for a physician's diploma was adcf ed: "What djfes mortification ensuef "When you have proposed and are rejected." .; ;. " ; '' : u ... v-;,'.. ' A wind pump" is advertised which, it is olaimedys a great improvement over all ethers. It is pretty evident that, the inventor has never visited Congress. Wanted it charged: Ella (five years old
who has broken a window with a snow-. .
ball'j "Papa, dear, don't beat me; subr
tract it from my marriage dowry."
A speaker, in deahng with the mod
ern physioial degeneracy of , woman," ex- '
claimed: we must take good oandr of, our grandmothers, for we shall never get ; anymore." .".'V.. 4 ;
A recent dictate of fashion ib import
ant to allnarried men. It is . that small
checks will be enregle for spring and summer silk dresses, ; It generally takea . :
such checks- v v ?S' f ! if :i
Better late than never: A Jady inNor-
wioh, Conn., seventy-two years ot. age
has jaBt begun to take lessons on the
pianoforte She hopes to' live long v enough to play "Old Hundredi '' ; $L
A Louisville restaurant has 8 kinds of
pie to its bill of fare, bat the proprietor doets not announce that he is preparea tp.
furnish night-mares of all grades at short.
notice,: ' .. .- ; v' : ' .
Sbe sang "I want to be ta angel," avcii
he swore that she was one already; Ixks
this she bluahinirly demurred. Then he
married her.
;
'Kit'.
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UgUIB
??:ft
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M ' - X t V
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cinnati Saturday Night.
Demurrer sustained.r--Xluii;
acquainted with
A Tennessee Editor's Anguish. : Journahsm in some sections of the State of Tennessee may -be said to be in the evolution period. The Linden Times, published in Perry County, doesn't rise much above the protoplasm, but there is growth for it if the "job workf holds out Here are a few matters of "pith and ino-
.ment" culled at random from its turgid
columns: Send us o watermelon. Send us some peaches .-and apples Who will be the first to send us a mess of roasting-eurs ? - We have printed some job work for fir. M. ltodgers, of Wavedy. ....... Our friend, A. D. Brashear, of Webb's Lauding, came, in Monday and had us do some more job work. . Onpid darts have struck one that we never expected. It is pur. friendr A; M. Taylor. He is desperate. : . There are some people always striking at the press. There are some in this town that would make it a prime to treat - a man to a glass of beer. They as well say it out in so many words, that if a newspaper man and ins friends wants anything to drink he has to go and buy it.
Stretchy Religion. $
Dotroit'Fro Press. .
An old couple, man and wife; were x .
along the wharves a day or- two ago. 5
hunting for an upahore boat,- and ttjjgi.i man explained to a steamboat agent; ;.fV'
"It's a very stormy season and we ex- J
peot to be seasick, and we drudder go 00,
a boat where the captain, is a vreligjoas .
WW - .. - . - 1 : ...
"Well, that's all 9l
"We've got one very religious captain on our line, and hie boat sails to-nighfcJJ v " i ;.
' "Can we go down and see Mm? . "Oh. yes. . Keep right down te Btree'
; The couple walked on and finally weut $ aboiird the steamer. Tlie captain and all . hands were busy with cat go, but the old folks walked up to himandthe womasM? said: .,. ..;..,; - . ,-: i-- -::.:::"., 1 Captain, you have been recommended 1 to us sa a religious man" 5r, - - . " ,,The -r IhaveJ"hjpi ' ' They looked at each other with oon etemation depioteel in their faces, ,and-' then tbe old man said: 3 . ; : ' "Oaptsng, what church do yuu belong r ' td?'--.. ' 4 i-' ' tv" 1, See here!" roared e iofiioiaV yaar have come to.bleedme for 30 me cJiarttyy
Or want me to sign a petition, or expect
-5
I
X
I
this boat to carry a lot of dead-heads rj ;; the lake, I won't stand it! What you want?: Gut with it, no and no intonal chawing around. I'm blanked if I ain'ti bo thered with more dashed lunatics than r any other blanke'd man on .the dashed r
j
1:1 '
Si
I-, -
consult, and
lakesr
Man and wife) reticed to
after getting ten feet away,-, she eaidr
v XXvuTi j, lit? b UUb-tl itrwuq utnu .
-ii
v;v;
5 .
i ' Well, I dunno." : " . T1 A.' 1 - - - mMa"'
Yes, Maria, but you see this ia out1 West We don't swear and belmig to tba church, top, up in Kew Hampshire,- but. they may do different out here-- He
swears, but he looks like is,, nan to die
pena upon in a Bcorm. "Shan't we look for at other ?"
fliguess not, Maria. I guess the reKg- y ions out here in Michigan : ara kind stretchy, and they 'low swearing on "lEeg steamboats and around the depots. We'll -go by this boat, and if he don't swr any harder than he did to us mebt Provi- ' deuce will lei him squeeze througn otf; theup-trip and sink him w hewmea '
1 downr . i.-.Lj:',isteii"
4fc Murder- Trap inrParuy . ftfrV Iondon Chronicle, A " -;
Pabis, jul 1.-The jnystoryBurronudw ing a. prisoner at Mazss, named Martean, who obstinately refused to give any pattioulars, is now cleared UpT The accused was recognized by other prisoners taken
into custody, ancl the police have conto- s ,
uea cneir uivwjugttwuuH, . uuuujk ? 5? most exiiraordinary jponspiracy to comit.V wholesale murder, lie mother -of ;'Mfti.: teau and some young ladies ot disreputni
ble characters are implicated.! MarteaU:
9
. .. An Incident of the Strike. The other day an up-town gentleman, whose wife wished him o send up a corn doctor to the house, made the engagement and telegraphed her to the effect: 'Chiropodist will be up at 2 o'clock " The lady was greatly surprised, but somewhat consoled, when she received the following message: "Oheer, up dearest. Will be up at two o'clock.' New York Oommenoal Advertiser. The amount of tobacco rebate claims received in Washington is $3,000,000 and tfeero are several 4 wtrio(is yettp hear from,
1 ' -
H
r
lured a house near the. Bonieard Men-
ilmontant, and had a gang of well-dressed
young women to persuade men of wealthy appearance to visit them. In a dark pas-
eage there was a trap door, oommunioating with a cellar in wnicb, horrible to
relate, there were lnrge faufee, newly sharpened, coarse sponges, and a tub to receive the blood of the victims. Happi -s ly the arrest of 'XJaptaui" Marteau nsit-
put an end to this bidecus plot Several young woiaen have already rfvenL- eviT
deuce to the JUde d'lnstruotion '
1 -
fit
HA.
Windsor, Out', ppUoemen must carry darkltterns :f'.r
4
4