Bloomington Courier, Volume 9, Number 40, Bloomington, Monroe County, 4 August 1883 — Page 3

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A Bokdeaot merchant owns a monster -naatiff called lion. Walking with him the quay, there came a little mad dog along, followed by an excited crowd. Lion seized it by the neck, leaned into the water and held it under water until drowned This was excellent, and Lion received an ovation; but as lion subsequenily developed a tendency to do the same by all small dogs, mad or sane, he perforce has been muzzled.

The French are progressing in the work of opening up to European bade the valley of the Siger river. Cot Desbourdes, who has charge of th expedition, recently advanced from Medine, on the Senegal river, to Bammaken near the headwaters of the .Niger,, at which the proposed railroad connecting these two livers is to nd. The great obstacle in the way is the hostility of te natives. The French expeditionary force was frepirtly pttacked, nrd from the time that Col. Be6bOTrc?es Medine until his return the expe lition had to fight its way The London Echo is eminently correct when it warns Englishmen that there are signs of a movement in the United States against the operations of aristocratic and commercial land speculators' who are buying up enormous tracts in fcheWest. Ji says: It is urged that the seeds of a very serious land question are being sown 'by this transfer of land into the hands of foreign speculators. If a popular agitattion were to spring up the speculators would find themselves in an awkward position. .

It is likely that disease is often more fatal to the soldier in war than wounds. The Vienna Press publishes some statistics to prove this assumption. In the Crimea 10,000 of 29,000 English died by disease, and in the Kusso-Turkish war whole divisions died of cholera. , In 1866 the Prussian army lost 6,427 men from cholera against 4,450 i the field. This is not always the case, however. In the Franco-German war the Germans lost 12,000 by disease, less than half the numIber who fell in battle, and the records of -the American war show a large excess of fatalities over natural deaths.

It is seldom that the outside world gets a glimpse of the real opinions of the great middle classes of England, but it is now asserted by different observer that this mass of people are beginning to assert themselves in politics. No Parliamentary pleader can safely ignore then? presence. It is hardly a doss n years since London took to e ducating her children, and in that time the growth of a general suffrage sentiment is one of the features of history. Nothing exasperates an Englishman more than the idea of an English republic," says one writer, "but 3 up es expect to get that which is the making of a republic the ballot for every man of age' C Carries may say what they please, but in beauty of person, grace of manner, and all womanly qualities the American girl leads the world. We hear a good deal or criticism from across the waterthat "American girls are loud and boisterous" and we doubt not there are such, but they are of the class who find themselves suddenly rich and do not represent the cultivated and accomplished American woman. Says ltondon Truth: 'V ince American girls have become a part of the life of European watering places they nave made sad havoc with the tivileged supremacy of their English sisters. So fascinating, indeed, have been the winding manners and elegant -attire of the American girls at Trouville that the English women at that famous summer resort have become mightily enraged and have resolved to taboo taem, even as Newport's haughty dames threaten to taboo the most beautiful of English

women.

The plea is made in defense of good taste as well as decency and morals that mghi seers should be excluded from the bathing grounds of sea-shore resorts. An attempt to enforce such a rule would produce a rebellion that might prove fatal to the prosperity of most of the fashionable resorts, as it would offend two classes of people those who have forms to expose to the gaze of admiring eyes, and those whof arnish the admiring gaze. There is no doubt that se-v bathing is one of the most delightful and healthful of exei rises, has to a considerable degree Regenerated ivt a vicious and pandering o moibid eon Jii ions of mind and morals, and the modesty thai goes out in a "stun ming" bathing costume often never returns to its lormer possessor. A few years .-ago the system of bathing now in vogue would have created a scandal and forever :rainei t he reputation of the woman folilowiug. it. Brit we get faster and less scrupulous year by year, and the sea shore is responsible for a great deal of axity, - ' y Not since 1880 has the annnal immigration into the United States been so small as the report of the Bureau of Statistics shows it was for the year ending June 30, 1883b fhe number of immigrants arrived during th.3 year was 599,114, being 189,878 less that during the preceding fiscal year, and 70,318 less than during the year ended June 30,1S1. . The greatest falling off has been in the arrivals from Germany, 191,643, against 249,161 in the preceding year; Canada, 64,971, against 93,029; Sweden, 34,596, against 64,276;and Ireland 63,720, against 76252. The only foreign country from which there has been an in creased arrival is Scotland, which sent -us 849 more immigrants in the last fiscal year, than in the preceding twelvemonths. The great decline is caused by the improved times in Europe especially in Germany and Ireland and the end of the "boom" in this country, followed by fulling markets, dull demand for labor, failure of strikes, and other discouragements.

Mb. John Bbight stated at a recent meeting of the East India Association in London that 80 per cent, of the native population of British India is engaged in agriculture; that out of every 100 fof this 80 per cent, not more than twenty are able to carry t n their business without borrowing money from uauwrs: Thirty out of every 100 aTe bo hopelessly poor that it wou'd seem almost impossible that they should borrow, or ..that, borrowing; they should erer be able to repay yind it is said of the rcrnainder fifty oat of every 100 are in such a condition that it might be jndioioos under such circumstences to lend them money that is, to lend them aeaettag capital with afairehaaoothat the loan would in some reasonable time be repaid. The money-lendere, as might be expected, make the most of their opportunities among the unfortunate ryots or farmers. Twelve ".per . ajufc, Mr. Bright

said, is a moderate rate of interest for them to demand, and the rate in some cases is as high as 36 per cent. The consequences to the ryots are ruinous. Florence Nightingale, who has been recently investigating their condition, says: "They have been toiling and starving in order that gentlera-u might enjoy incomes of hundreds of thousands a year free from taxes." Mr. Brighf s remedy is "a scheme whioh proposes to offer to the Indian cultivator a reasonable amount of loan for a reasonable interest." Florence Nightingale's is the Irish one fair rents, fixed tenures, secured to the ryot by making it compulsatojy to record rents of holdings, conditions of tenure, and rendering the rvrt incapable of contracting himself out of his rights. Some remedy is necessary if England would avoid a civil war m India of the most terrible kind. . .. .....

POLITICAL MATTERS.

Events and Opinions, Published Without Bias, for the Information of the Reader.

... . THB VIRGINIA BBMOOKACT. The Democratic State convention met at Lynchburg, on Wednesday. The usual committees were appointed and a platform adopted, after which the convention adjourned. The following is the fourth resolution of the platform: "We favor a tariff for revenue, limited to the receeeity of a"go varum ent economically administered, and so adjusted in its application as to prevent uneqaal hardens, encourage prodnctive interests at home and afford just compensation to labor, but not to create or foster monopolies." KEARNEY AND ROSECBANS. Interview in New York World. , . Ton know, of course, General, that Dennis Kearney has come East?" "Yes, on free pWses furnished him by the railroads. Itfs surprising to me that yon Eastern folks will listen to that arrant humbug. We have pricked tb bobble of his reputation out in California, and he cannot get a corporal's guard of respectable and self-respecting citizens to listen to his insensate harangues. While he was a power the value of real estate in California fell about $40,000,0001 It was to put an end'to his stupid, not to say dangerous influence over the masses that I consented to run for Congress. There were certain abuses in the Democratic party, one of them, for instance, that no man could run for office who wasn't ready to pay $1,000 for the" privilege, and had the cash to do it with. The people cried out against this thing, and a good many left the party on account of it. Not having any place else to go they ran to the sand-lots, where the 'noble Denis was nightly making Borne howl. Any crank, any socialist or communist who wanted to turn the world topsy-turvy found a platform on the sand-lots. The really practical sensible men in the new party, which called itself the "People's party, asked me to be their leader. Thv waited me to be their candidate for Congress. T at first declined as I had previously declined the nomination of the Democratic party for Mayor of Pan "Francisco, but the men persisted, and T tTnailv consented with ihe avowed object of bringing Denis Kearney's benighted followers back to common sense. I have succeeded, as you see, anil Denis now finds himself compelled to advocate the claims of the railroad monopolists whom he formerly attacked, just in order to have something to doA GEORGIA "KTjmCET," Jack Brown, the well known Georgia republican, called on Postmaster General Gresham Fridav, and presented a formidable petition asking the removal of the postmaster at Atlanta. Mr. Oresham, seeincr the petition was signed "Jack Brown, attorney for the Repubhcans of Georgia asked Colonel Brown whether he was a resident of Atlanta. "No, sir,' said Brown. . "Bow far from the city do you live?" asked Mr. Gresham, willing to hear him. "About 170 mi'ea, sir," said Col. Brown after a mental calculation. Gresham's sndienation had been raising throughout the interview. He toldBrown plainly that he thought some republicans very queer birds, and the less he saw of them the better he liked them; that the postoffice department had too much to do to permit of trifling over a petition signed by an attorney who lives one hundred miles from his constituents. That was an exercise of the right of netition novel to him It was an innovation he did not propose to countenance. Of course the colonel left in a huff. To-day he sent the postmaster-general the following epistle; "Hon. Walter Q. Gresham: "Sra Since 3'onr remark of yesterday that southern republicans were the damnedest set of scoundrels who had come in your way since your Advent into your present position, self-respect will prevent rue calling in person. Yon are certainly a type of the human species from whom the sobriquet "Hoosier" has been given to Indianaians for in all my travels on this continent and that of Europe I have seen no man who could boast of fewer accomplishment in civiiity and politeness than yourself. Grant made a great mistake in having you appointed postmastergeneral, for all men of sense artth whom you have come in contact agree you are sans common sense, sans law and sa.is decency. What a pity for the nation that Arthur, as was his inclination did not appoint Ixmitstreet or MoLawH, of Georgia, either one of whom has integrity and force of character. Yon nor none of your. Jndianian confreres need boast. Native, natural and trained fool is clearly manifested in your decision in the caae of the.New Orleans lottery and the Atlanta Poet appeals. Your daily contest with gentlemen of business qualifications and of the world intensifies the opinion yon are an ass and bona fide Hoosier. An innate pity , for idiots and IuspKcs prevented me from Blapping your jasincon'iuectfy yesterday when yon expressed the Hoosier idea that all southern republicans are scoundrel. HadGrant,or any other man for whom I entertained respect, manifested the same spirit, I should have downed him on the apofc"

Courtly Extraagance. Napoleon IIT. was fond of pomp and show, and be derived a personal enjoyment from bis entertainments. They were on-a magnificent scale; bnt the only marked or lasting infl uence of the Imperial Court, as regards fashion or manners, was on female dress. The invitation to Onnpiegne and Fontainebleau were commonly for eight days; and a lady was expected to change her dress three or four times a day, and never to wear the same dress twice. The outfit for the visit was computed at not less than 12,000 francs. A Frenchwoman of the Imperial Circle complained that she could not dress for less than 1,000 a year. A milliner's bill, on which an action was brought, amounted to 15,000 for three years, and the fair defendant Ppaid jE12,000 into Court. The case was reported in the Gazette des Tribunaux. This spirit of extravag&nce proved catching, and exieded to otner countries, where traces of it gre atill only too plainly discernible.

THE GOOD WIFE'S PHILOSOPHY.

The good wife bnsMod abont the house, Her face stiil bright with a pleasant smile Ai broken snatches of happy song StrengUiened her heart and hand the while. The good man sat in the ohimey nook, His little clay pipe within his lips. And all he'd made and all hed Jest, Beady and clear on his finger tips. "Good wife, I've Just been thinking a bit. Nothing has done very well this year: Money is bound t be hard to get Everything's bound to be very dear: How the oattlo are going to be fed, How we're to keep the boys at school, Is kind of a debt and credit sum I can't make balance by rule. She turned her around from the baking bread, And she faced him with a ohesrful laugh, Why, husband, dear, on would think That the good, rich whoat was only chaff. And what if the wheat was only chaff: As long as we both are well and strong; I'm not a woman to worry a bit.

Somehow or other we got along. Into some lives some rain must fall. Over all the laud t tie storm must beat. But when the rain and storm are o'er The after-sunshine is twice as sweet. Through every straight ws have found a roacJ, In every grief we have found a song; We have had to bear, and had to wait, But somehow or other we get along. For thirty years wo have lored each other. Stood by each other whatever befell; Six boys have called us father and mother. And all of them living and doing well. We owe no man a penny ,my dear, We're both of us loving, and well and strong, Good man, I wish you would smoke igain, And think how we've got along. He filled his pipe with a pleasant laugh; He kissed hi wife with a tender pride; He said, "I'll do as yeu toll me, love," "I'll just count up on the other side." She left him then with a low weet song A song that followed me many a year. Somehow or other, we get along.

THE IRON ROOM.

Directly the large country bouae began to lose its guests, the hostess, Mrs. Hope had time to look about her, and one of the fit inconyenient things she saw was the very evident love affair between handsome Jack Talbott, of the th xrho had nothing in the world but his iOaptain's pay, and ber only danghter Lillian, whose nrst duty to her parents lay in making an eligible match! This would never do. But the worldly-wise lady reflected that OapK Talbot's visit was only tc last three days longer, and with true art appeared blissfully content with the position. The night before he went away the snitor applied to Mr. Hope and begged to have his prayer favorably .answered; and h Having bis brief from his wife) temporized gently: snoke of youth, changeable affections, and eo on, and said that he could not at present give a definite answer, "May I hope?" aaked the suitor. "If you like, "said the father; and nothing could, have ended better. Lilliac waved a damp pocket-handkerchief from the window and the knight "rode nwav. A month later Jock wnp rrderpd to Egypt, an Mm Hope thought it highly probable that all her difficulties would be removed by rthe Egyptians. Tf not, time was gained at nny rate, and Lillian was growing handsomer every day. "My dear," said Mr. Hope onft evening, "Lord Blaofcmoor is evidently struck with Lillian." "So T see, " responded the wife, Einiling complacently. v "I shouldn't be Burprisedit he spoke shortly." "So muob the better." "But,ah how about the other fellow?" queried Mr. Hope uneasily. "Nothing about him," said Mm. Hope resolutely; "he must not be mentioned," I'tord Blackmoor is very ( Id." "He will make the better husbAnd.'' "Lillian is a beautiful, warm-hearten girl!" faltered the father. "Had she not been beautiful a coronet would not be offered her." "But, Harriet, you and I were both young "when we were married f Mrs. Hope calmly fixed her fine eyes on the ceiling, and her husband saw sentiment would find no response. And so, while Jack was bronzing hip handsome face and fighting for his country in Egypt, his Lillian was, desired t receive the ad dresses of an elaborate old fop of seventy-five and she only eightee. But these things happen, so we mnsfc contemplate them. Between her father and Lord Blackmoor it was arranged that the wedding should take place in December, and in the meantime rumor came that Captain Talbot was killed. The Hopes' return took place the end of November, and the old bridegroomelect was to'come there in December. He arrived, and, to the girl, seemed more distasteful than ever. He followed her about with an affection of youthful ardor, which Borely waned with gout and dyspepsia. "Mamma," said the frenzied Ijillian, "if youdonytkeep him away from me now ril sav no' at'the altar !" And fearing hat this was true, Mrs. Hope ejoiced in an attack of gout, whioh confined the old nobleman to his room, where she treated him with flattery and devotion. So then the girl wandered off to the boat house. It was half a mile from the house, and there was a snugly furnished iron room there, where tea things and spirit lamps were kept. Lillian had often made tea here in , the summer time; and now ahe enterei the mom, which struck cold and damp from long disuse, and throwing herself in a chair, sobbed as if her heart were breaking. . A footstep outside made Lillian start up quickly. It was the postman . on hie, way t fcbe house. "Have you any letters for me?" asked the girl. "Yes, miss, surely," said the man; and he found three, handed them to her and passed on. Lillian re-entered the iron room, sank on a sofa, and with trembling hands tore open one -it was from Jack. As she read it she found thai; other letters had bn sent to her who had them? Jack was m London, said he was fast recovering from his wounds, and that he had determined to come down and hear from her own lips that she gave him up. And con eluded by saying that he would be at the boat house by 5 o'clock the next evening would she meet him there? The next eveiiing meant this evening' this evening that ever was; for the letter had been written the day before. Lillian's delight at this unexpected news was paramount. She hastened baok to the house determining that nothing should reveal the change. She inquired civilly after Lord Blackmoor, had five dresses tried on by a dressmaker, drove with her mother to pay soio calls; and when thev returned home ifc wiis a quar

ter to 5 o'clock. Mra Hope ordered tea for herself in her bed-room, saying she would sit afterward with Lord Blackmoor till dinner time, no Lillian was at liberty. She escaped in th dark winter afternoon, ran swiftly down through the park, and as she neared the boat-house she saw a tall, well-known figure keeping out of the way of observation. Her heart beat so violently that she could scarcely go on, and then the lover threw caution to the winds, and in another few seconds all that was needful was told, and the old, old story went on as smoothly as if no old Lord Blackmoor ex?3ted. Late that night, after Mr. Hope and the servants had gone to bed, Lillian sought ber father in the library.

"My dear girl, what is the matter?" he cried, nervously, as the fair form of his daughter, robed in a light blue dressing gown, suddenly appeared and eat down on his foot-stool. "Fapa, Jack isn't deal,' whispered Lillian, fixing her lovely eyes on Mr. Hope's wondering countenance and fondling hia hand. "Isn t he, my dear?" helplessly inquired the old j7ntleman, who rrl been aware of the iact for some time. "I am going to marry Jack, papa " . "Then don't tell me, my dear, don't tell me!" exclaimed Mr. Hope, a beam of delight on his oounlenance. Know nothing about it, mind; if I did, your mother would worm it out of me." For

there arc still "Oaudle Lectures," dear reader.

Then, dear, dear papa you won't be

angry if to-morrow

"Nevr, my love, never, as Ion? as J

know nothirg ibiut it," hastily cried the

father, kissing the pretty upturned face,

and adding in a whisper, 4Talbot is the soul of honor, and I can trust him."

In the gray morning it was Miss Hope'

habit to take a walk. She took one the

next morniuff. and a muffled fisurf

emerged from the iron room to meet hor. And by the first np train thestwo reach

ed London, and by the time Lord Blackmoor's gout relented sufficiently toenablf ham to appear at a late breakfast, where he hoped to meet his fair fiancee, a telegram from Mr. John Talbot announced

to the scandalized mother, the apparent

ly scandalized father, and the mortified nobleman that Lillian would never wear

a coronet.

She did not do badly, though. An

eccentric godmother of Capt. Talbot'F

was so impressed by the fact that a gir1

b,v! refrtsed a coronet for his sake that she left him her fortune.

A Few Snake Stories. Archie Reed, of Villanow, Ga., killed

two rattlernnkcs, one of which Tras tr.ving

to swallow a rabbit.

Hundreds of rattlesnakes have been killed in blasting away the rocks for the railroad extension beyond Bedding, Cal, . Mrs. S. A. Bobinson, of Newman, Oa , killed a coano winp snake m her frout door yard that was four and one-half feet in length. It was chasing a rat Pennsylvania appears to be full of blackwiakes this peason. Samuel Fry, a farme r, near Keamsiown, killed several in one day, the largest b9ig nine feet ong. A 6i iake six feet in lencb ntced a Boonton, N. J , boy and chased him v hundred yards. Then the boy mnprp

up courage, and turning ubout Kirei the

snake. A black snake outer' il house of F. M. VnnDyke, of West Kalamo, Mich., to get a canary that hung in a oaee in the

open window. The snake was kill el wlw n

its head was within f ix inches of tl e cat e.

A blaok snake, as thick as a man's arm and six feet in length, reared itself in the iroad in front of George Teiser's horse ae he was entering Lititz, Pa. The horse

titopped and stood upon its hind legs in fear. Mr. Yeiser killed the snake.

The attention of a faTm hand on Belle

"Hoache's ranch, near Redwood City, waB attracted by tho strange noise of a bird ciroling in the air. He, paw it suddenly fall, and, running to the place, foi nd it in the .; jaws of nratfclesnake,whtoh he killed. The snake had sixteen rattles, and was six feet in length. As Michael McCarthy and Henry "Wood were cutting Brush in the mountains, near Broadway, N. J., they were attacked by a large black snake. They killed it. "Ct wa3 eight feet seven inches long. They then started a fire in a hole in the rooks, find snakes of various kinds and sizes darted out, anl soon 86 were killed. . The two little daughters of Ezra Lewis of Shelby, Ky., discovered a rattlesnake on the lawn, and ran for something 1a throw at it. Finding a piece of broken stove lid, one of them laughingly threw it at the reptile, and singularly enough sfcrnck it on the back of the head, killing it. It was a trifle over six feet in length. The ten-year-old son of G. B. Hannay, of North Annsville, K. Y.,went into the hay loft to cather egcrs, and found a little spotted milk snake upon a hen's net, coiled so as to completely cover it. The snake chased him out of the loft and then went baok to the nest. It was finally killed. Two other snakes of the same kind were found in the field close by. W. D- Livingston, of Sylvania, Ga., says that he was crossing theLittleOafeechee Creek about two weeks since he saw about two dozen snakes all twisted and plaited together, there being rattlesnake?, blackpnakes, moccasins, garter snakes,rat snakes, coach whips, adders, gopher snake, king snakes, and pilot snakes in the twist, and all seemingly in good humor.

Personal and Political. Senator Pendleton, of Ohio, is aftlioted with the hay fever. Senator Frelinghuysen is drinking Jersey milk on his farm. Gath predicts that Tammany hall will support McDonald for president. The Hon. E. B. Washburn is at "Norlands," the old homestead, near Livermore, Me. Senator Pugh, of Alabama, says therepublicans should nominated John Sherman for president if they want to run their best man. Bobert Gh Blaine, a broker of the Hon. James G. Blaine, has been appoiuted curator of the museum at the agricultural department afc Washington.It is deemed proof positive the Hon. E. B. Washburne has no designs upon the presidency because he is writing a book on his experiences with the commune while minister to Paris. Mr. John Kelly kindly inquires through the columns of the New York Star if Mr, Pnlitzer is going to Europe, and Mr. Oockerell to St. Louis, Will (he truthful World he oil i ted wholly by cable and tlpmeat o telegraphy

THE BAD BOX Pock's Bun. "Oome in," said the grocery man to the bad boy, as tho youth stood on the steps in an uncertain sort of a way, as Vbough he did not know whether he would be welcome or not "I. toll you, boy, I pity you. I understand that your pa has got to d rinking again. It is too bad. I can't think of anything that humiliates a boy, and makes him so ashamed, as to have a father that is in the habit of hoisting in too muoh benzine. A boy feels as though everybody was down on him, and I don't wonder that such boys often turn out bad. What started your pa to drinking again?"' M0, ma thinks it was losini mney on the OlrVi? 1 vi- You see, rn is great

on put.Jer. Wo diT;i't usually beh unless he got a sure thing, but vhn he gets what they call a prn Vr, that is, somebody tells him that a certain horse is ure to win, because the other horse', are to ba pnlled back, hi thinks a job has beam put up, and if he thinks he is inside the ring he will bet. He says it does not io any hurt to b t, if you win, and he argues that a mau who wins lots of money can do a great deal of good with it. But he had to walk home from the Chicago races all the same, and he has been steam ing aver since. Pa can't stand adversity. But I gueas we hare got him all right now. He is the soar test man you ever saw," and the boy took a oan opener and began to cut the sine under the stovejust to seo if it would work as well on zinc as on tin. "What you haven't been dissecting him again have you?" said the grocery man as he pulled a stool up beside the boy to hear the news. "How did yon bring him" to his senses?" "Well ma tried having theministerjtalk to pa, but pa talked Bible, about taking a little wine for the stomach's sake, and ?ave illustrations about Noah getting full, so the minis ter couldn't brace up,and then ma had some of the sisters to come and talk to him, but he broke them all up by talking about what an appetite they had for champagne punch when they were out in camp last summer, and they couldn't have any effect on him, and so ma said I would hava to exercise my ingenuity on pa agaiin. Ma has an idea that I have got some sense yet, so I told her that if she would do just as I said, me and my chum, would scare pa so he would swear ' off. She said she wouid,and we went to work. First I took pa's spectacles down to an optician, Saturday night, and had the glasses taken out and a pair put in their place that would magnify, and I took them home and put them in pa's spectacle case. Then I got a suit of clothas from my chum's, "nncle's. trunk about half the size of pa's clothes. My churn's uncle is a very small map, and pa is eorpulenli, I got a plug hat three sizes smaller than pa's hat, and took the name out ft Xm'q h'fct and put ?t. 'n tin V 1na1-. 1 ot a shu t about hilf big eu i ; t jr pa, and put his initials on the Hung under the bosom, and got a number fourteen collar. Pa wears seventeen. Pa had promised to brace up and go to church S"n dajr morning, and ma put these sranll clothes where pa could put them o I told ma when pa woke up to tell him that he looked awfully bloated, and exoite his nnv"rv, and then send for roe. i 1 I oUv su x a trick as that fu the poor old man, li 1 you?" slid tho grocery man, as a smile came . over his face. You bet. Desperate diseases require depprate remedies. Well, ma told pa he looked arfnllv bleated, and tat his dissipation was killing him as well as all the rest of the family. Pa said he gused he wasn't bloated very much, but he eol up and put on his speotaolea and looked at himself in the glass. YouM a dide to see him look at himself. His face looked as big as two faces, through the glasses, and his nose was a sight. Pa looked scared, and then he held up Ids hand and looked at that. His hand loeked like a ham. Just then I came in, and I turned pale, with some chalk on my face, and I bejrun to cry, and I said, 0, pa, what ails you? Yon are so swelled up I hardly knew you.' Pa looked sick to his stomach, and then lie tried to get. on the panta. 0, my, it was all I could do to keep from laughing to see him pull them pamts om. He could just get his Jecjs in, and when I got a shoe horn and gave i t to him, he was mad. Hp said it was a m an boy that wr uld give hiii pa a shoe horn to put on pants with Th e pants wouldn't com around pa into ten inches, and pa said he must have eat something that disagreed with him, and he laid it to watermelon. Ma stuffed her handkerchief io her mouth to keep from laffing, when she see pa look at hisself The legs of the pans were so tight pa couldn't hardly breathe, and he turned pale, and said, 'Hennery, your pa is a mighty sick man and then ma and me both laughed, and he said we wanted him to die so we could spend his life insurance in riotons living. But when pa put no that condensed shirt, ma she laid down on the lounge aud fairly yelled, and I laughed till my side ached. Pa got it over his head, and got his hands in the sleeves, and couldn't get it either way and he couldn't "see us laugh, but he could hear us, and he said, It's darned tunny, ain't it, to have a parent swelled up this way. it I bust you will both be sorry.' Well, ma took hold of one side of the shirt, and I took hold of the other, and we pulled it on, and when pa's head came up through the collar, his face was fairly blue. Ma told him she was afraid he would have a stroke of apoplexy before he got his clothes on, and I guess pa thought so too. He tried to get the collar on, but it wouldn't go half way around his neck, and he .looked in the glass and cried, he looked so. Z He sat down in a chair and panted, he was so out of breath, and the shirt and pants ripped, and pa said tnere was no nee living if he was going to b? a rival to a fat woman in the side show. Just then I put the plug hat on pa's head, and it : was so small it was going to roll off, when pa tried to fit it on his head, and then he tcok it off and looked inside of it, to see if it was his hat, and when he found his utune in it, be saicl, Take it away. My head is all wrong too.' Then he toli me to go for the doctor mighty quick. I got the doctor and told him what we were trying to do with pa,and he said he would finish the job. So the doc came in and pa was on the lounge, when the doc saw him he said it was lucky ho was called just as he was, or he would have called an undertaker. He put some pounded ice on pa's head the first thing, ordered the shirt cut open, and we got the pants off. Then ho gave pa an emetic, aud had his feat soaked and pa said" 'Doc, if you

willbriag me out of this I will never drink another drop.' The doc told pa that Lid vas n'fe worth a button if he ever drank again, and left about half a pmfe of sugar pills to be fired into pa ever five minutes. Ma and me sat up all day Sunday with pa, and Monday morning I changed the spectacles, and took the clothes home, and along about noon pa said he felt as though he could get up. Well, you never see a tickleder man than he was when he found the swelling hid gone down so he could get his pants and shirt on, aud ho ruvr th't doctor is the be3t ii t'iirf town. Ma sas I am a Kaiart boy, and pa has taken the pledge, and we are all right. Say, you don't think there is anything wrong in a hoy playing it on his pa, once in a while, do you?"

THE BEE AND '.CHE BOY. 88ft The Bee EW Aoro&a tho lea To deck Tho small boy's nook With a lump' Tho size of. the nozzle of . pump, Hoar the boyshont, What is it all about? Why, th one. has got in its work," Or rather il dirk, And tho boy indulges not in laughter, floreafter .,. Ho will probably think it best Not to shy a briok into a btte's noat.

CONDIMENTS.

Ill-gotten wealth: The doctor's. A blackmailer A negro postmaster. More people die of excessive eat than of excessive heat. Admitt&d to bale: The sailor ordered in to a leaky boat. . True dignity In Boston the gnat is known as Nathaniel. The man who makes a motion to adj.mrn is not necessarily ad journalist. "Look before you leap," said the man who foroshed . bent pin off the chair. Whan a man says he is out of breath he doesn't know what he is talking about. He means that the breath is out of him. Seeing a carriage fall of belles and beaux drive by Aminadab remarked that it reminded hioa oC a l-ut of w3l. A young girl of the Sioux Nation is described as chiefly remarkable for her tiny dark eyes. Why not call her a blackEyed Sioux-then? & . Raskin says no couple should 1 marry Until they have courted seven years. This wonld lead one to think tha Raskin runs a soda fountain. Boston Pos?. Onu a man nrirry his deceased wife's sister in any part of America? Englishman. Not unless the shtsr is willing, and as a general thing she isn't. She knows himtowelL "The difference," said Twistera, as he thumped his glass on the bar, 'between this glass and a locust, is simply that one's a beer mug and the other a mire buo' Wltfp eni u yrrn you haveut 'iol,'T 7h d;ad r.: h, stup'd girl she is? It's positively frightful I never called on her thab !n d?d Vt ?o to sleep in half and hour." f Burclette. The -profits on the sale of Arther Sullivan's "Lost Chord" have reached $210,001. BySfc, Chilli,, an wo had ohincs, we would lose a whole woodvarxi f r h"0 t'- m Rural Scenery Gent from city: "Bat where the deuce is the scenery? What in thnndeir is there to look at?" FiOTiej(indignantly): "Why, the new barn. r What m-re do you want for $5 a week? T's a perfect beauty." - '"My son," said n Arkan3;r 0V.e' of the reformed school, "in life alwnys make it a n nut not to ght." "Suppose a man alls me a d d liar, what must I do?" uFmd out whether he has told the truth or not. l!f he has, acknowledge, tins accusation; and if he has not, move to another neighborhood." Arkansaw Traveler. Farm Notes. Profs. Oomstock, Hilgard and Biley 'have experimented with the tea or decoction mide of the flower-heads of pyrethrum, and say that the tea is the simplest, most economical and effioient method of application in all out-door uses of his insecticide In cases of garget, if the thick matter cannot bo milked out, a solution of On toaspoonful of the carbonate of soda in a pint of water may be injected into the udder with a syringe and after a few min utes milked out. The soda will dissolve the thickened milk. Ei?ht ounces of Epsom salts my be given as soon aa possible. I say whfat turns to chrat. Let any man sow fall wheat and pasture it through the winter and he will have cheat. Stock will nip off the main germ or top, or, when the ground is froeen,will tramp it off. The roots being alive and green start new bud?, and they bring forth cheat. Sow fall wheat whore water will overflow the first week in M!ay and stay one week over the growing cropland see what a fine crop of cheat y ou will have. The water drowns and the sun scalds the main germ of wheat ; the roots throw up what I call sucker sprouts, and they yield cheat or chess. E. P. Howell, for niny vears known as n extensive and successful fruit-grower, says that the experience of every grower of fruit for market is that the most important matter in beginning as a penologist is to plant very few vanetics. Nt less than four-fifths of our good fruiis are unprofitable. They will serve the purpose of the amateur, whose main object is to supply his table with a succession rf good fruit; but they will not pay the gardener. An orchard with a large number of varieties demands incessant work and constant anxiety. Several years ago a Mr. Quinly bought a farm ou which there was a fifteen-acre field of wheat. The land was poor, 6andy and the wheat yielded but seven bushels to the acre. His neighbors laughed at him for buying suoh poor land; declared that he had been taken in. . The next year he plowed the land again and, sowed broadcast froai three to four bushels of corn o the aor. The corn did not grow very rank, but when it was aboxit five feet high in some places, three feet in others he turned it carefully under and sowed to wheat again. The corn had rotted pretty well before seed ing-time and he harvested twenty-five bushels per acie of wheat and had a good catch of ol over. Scientific gentlemen have now got to work upon the American trotting horse, and it appears that if the present rate of iuoreasiug speed goes on, in 1907 there will be developed a horse that can trot a mile in two fcinutes, and in 2645 one that can make thepnile in one niinute. It is probable that the one-minute trotter will be valued at $100,000,000,000, and will be the property of the owner o? the United States,.

GAMBLING IN THE ARMY.

An Old Officer Tells a Story Why Poker-Playing Is Prevalent How He Was Taught to ' Abandon Cards The Case of Paymaster Wasson. A well-known army officer on furlough was interviewed by a New York Sun re. porter in regard to the prevalence of card-playing in the army. The major said: "I don't mind admitting to you that this card-playing t v money is a very bad 1iSiwr for le army. It's against army regulations, and contrary to good ch's.ipline, and it plays the very devil with the yoaugakers; but, bless my soul, sir, you might as well try to cashier a blizznrd or court-martial a flood on the Missouri as to abolish cards in the army. Human nature is human nature, even when it reports for duty at Port Sill or Fort Arbuckle, and the days out there.

especially the stormy ones, are apt to stretch out as long as an Indian buck's idea of his treaty rights. They will play poker, sir, and I suppose I should play, too, if I hadn't had a good lesson twenty years ago. "Yes, sir," he continued; "it was near the end of the war, j'?st before Appomattox, that I got sick of cards. Poor , who was in the Ouster affair, and I were

on our way to the front to be in at the death. We were both captains in the same regiment, and he was quartermaster. "We had just left Washington, and sat quietly smoking, when two men on the car asked us V make up a euchre table. Of course the game drifted into poker in a short time, and after losing all I oared to risk I quietly dropped . out and gave my whole attention to watohing the t two strangers, who, I Buspected, were systematically cheating, but whom I could not detect in any unfair play. ' "The hands ran small, and the game dragged. Once, when all three were in, one of the strangers bet 850, and when the captain refused to call exposed a worthless hand on the table with an evil laugh. I noticed, though, that the other stranger did not iadnlge in the folly, neither showing his hand nor c illing. "The next deal the captain received four queens and a small card. TherA was lively betting before the draw, and then he drew a king. I saw the king as he picked it up. The dealer drew cards, how many I do not remember, and the other stranger, otter some clumsy hesitation, decided to 'stand' his baud, holding the age.' ; r . , ' "Presently the dealer, the man who had once bet fifty on a worthless hand, raised the captain a hundred, and the 'age' man, who had stood his hand, dropped out. Then the storm that had been bre wine broke, the dealer made no disgn'sa cf .oultin with, his beloved partner, and ths oajfc.uu uyl m rac triel to look as if he was blufliti;. Oat of their combined funds the strangers managed to make raise of a thousand dollars. "Their cards lav on the table in front of each, the dealer's arm lying across the pack as he looked triumphantly at his adversary. The strangers had evidently gauged the captain's resources to a fine point. As the train stopped I leaned over him and whispered a word of warning, while the scamp across the table scowled as if he would like to pick a quarrel with me for interfering. " Lay down such a hand as that? Nonsense, was all the satisf actmn T got from the enptain, but he held up cards for my inspection, an 1 1 assure you, sir, on my honor as a gentle-nan, and an o c th it in place of the stray king I had seen him draw, was an ace an ace o? dismoads,9ir flanking his four queens. Of course the hand was not intrinsically worth more than before, but the whereabouts of that floating kin? had become an important factor,, and when the captain asked me to lend him money I determined to see the thing out and emptied my pockelis as eagerly as he did. Unfortunately I had but $700, and. all told, we could only muster $800. " 'Not enough, sneered his opponent with an insolence that made me in turn long for the row he evidently sought. " Wai you take my watch and ohain for the balance?' asked the captain. u Not muoh; we ain't pawnbrokers.' And his companion added: 'We'll show you what we are, if you want to know b?d Nvli-n th1 4 ime Ji i-; 4,Tho pair r.a 1 rhrown of tl disguise, and looked j'l-t what they were,, two fourth-rate sharpc. " 'I call a si ht forthe money on the table,' and the captain's voice showed the self-control of an angry mau. "The two gamblers broke into a luud laugh, and the dealer reached for the money boldly. 'Stop,' I said; 'it is a call for that sum by the rules of the game. " 'The h it is! We don't play no suoh child's game. It's play, pay or travel.!"Just here a benevolent, - pious-looking patriarch across the. aisle, who had watched the game with a' sort of-ministerial interest in original sin, quietly handed; a roll of bills to the captain, saying,, in a sing-song nasal tone; 'Friend,. if thee 5fUl gamble, thee may us& ray money, "to thy' salvation 'The captain hesitated, but the gambling fever, conquered, and. the. peaceful calm on the face -rf his new al'y reassured him. His face fell, however, as he found only the needed two hundred, not enough to teach the gamblers their own lesson. With an air of disappointment he flung the bills on the board. With an insolent leer the gambler turned his cards face u p with one hand, while with the other he reached to draw in the moneyreached only halt way, though, , for his jaw dreppe I JW twe grew white with rage and astonishment as he saw his own cards facing him. Three ace and two kings! The wandering king had found a shelter and the ace of diamonds was a hostage of war with the captain. " 'Jim you're a fool; a fool.' hissed the dealer's pal. 'Bow, did it happen?' "Happen r shouted Jim, 'I'd take ten years to know who happened it! "Twern't you,' he said to my friend, who satastoashed a the outburst, biit watchful of the money, 'or you,' he said to m; 'yer don't know enough,but the cards were all right until curse me, iC I dju't believe that canting old quaker played it on us. Who are ye, anyway?' audi Jim started toward the old gentleman. " 'You don't seem 'to care to see my four queens,' said th captain, showing his hand. " 'Ourso yer four queens. Yes,I thought so. Wher'd yer got that ace say, old man, do I know ye?' "The venerable stranger turned slowly; 'I think not, friend; but that thee may

. .... ....... .., -

4 53

know one honest man by ,:; name, : I -r thee mine,' - "J

"Jim snatched at the engraved visitrug-

card and read it in a loud, angry voico :T

: Prof. Andkhsok, Wizard of the North.

"With an oath the other gamo'er

sprang toward the money, but the oap-v tain was too quick for him, and, seizing him by both wrists, shook the money from his grasp. My turn came, too, as bis confederate attempted to draw a knife or a pistol, I never knew which, and . did not s(jp to Ink, 'tie precious, pair of rascals, however, came to the conclusion that a row 'warn't business.' They were assisted from the train, Jim getting an extra apitefal shove aud kick from hia own partner, and retorting with curses as the train moved off. . "Only once afterward did I see either of the scamps. I was sitting in my tent one day when my orderly reported to me that my men were Serving out' a gambler. Stepping outside I clearly saw the face of Jim. The men had tied . him u i to a wheel and were giving him soldiers law,' I looked she other way, sir, a$ once, and left him to pay the penalty oi his sweat-board swindle. "'. '

"Aud the professor," inquired the re

porter, "did he touch the carder fi "Re must have done so, though I did not see him, and I thought I was watch ing the game closely all the time. I su ppose, though, I was watching my adver sary's eye and not his weapon, an excellent rule in broadsword practice, if mfc

in poker."

"And you Bay you dare not v play poker?" i "Yes, sirr dare not," and the major's, eyes flashed. "You must know, sir, that I lost my head and might have lost m' commission for that game of noker. Tue money I put into that game was not my own. I had $700 which had b u hnndi ed to ne just as I left home to give t ioriSr of my men, and, I give you my wordasp an officer an! a gentleman. I dropped, that money on the table just as if it wm mine. That was lesson enough for me. A mau who doesn't stop to think wither money belongs to him or not di 1 1 better leave the army or leave gamb ling.' 4 "And you think that Paaster' W tsson may have been oareless rather th in -criminal in his gambling transaotion? ' ; -; "No, sir, I think nothing of the sor sir. 1 A man who will gamble" with gov-' ernmeut funis, manufacture false returns, cook his pay accounts? ttVl then pretend he has been robbed, while his accounts Bhow him to .be a thief, sir, may have lost hia head at last, but he lost hia honor before, if he ever had any;5 and is unfit? for the society of gentlemen and oMcers. But, sir, did I not toll you that

, I would not be interviewed?"

GENERAIj MISOEIiliANY. David Davis is reputed to flute nicely " Linen bleaches beautifully, but .doesn't dye well. , Takes things easy: The man who isn't watched. Cockleshells are very popular fordrrcs ; trimming., . ...-rr.v.---Gape May has a combined barber and . oyster shop. A lltoonB gent of ,86 years is: ontting four new teeh. . , r..- . v..v;. Alligator skin belts, made of rijj bid-1, are much worn, I ?" -,,-Vv-,-,,. - Mobile sportsmen can ahoot alligatora from the wharves. c Denver newsboys furnish 200 flshworms ?or twentv-flye cente. The "hoTsev-whiekei;' is oloeev cropped -end highn the jaw. uw.: . ' Over the garden wall bottles and cats and broken brickbats. , : The real ns.meof Joaquin MillerisCincmnatus Heine Miller. Marry in haste and repent at your fathem-laws.--Paok. 5 I want to go home. I want to. see my oa-. The liade Dollar; ' , . The new styles in ladies shoes come out flat-footed for oomfoTt. - .r Porpoises have reached Alexandria, Ya. the first time since 18 1 ;v-f v Florida turtles lay 160 eggss a day, and do not cackle a bit about ife Experiments show that seaweeds will flourish in ordinary . earth- . The history of the telescope is Jong drawn out N. Y. News. We imported enough Appllinaris water Jat year to float a steamship. -v "I..,. ., New Yorkers growl that the steam pipes heat their drinking water. A museum of found things' has been opened on the Brooklyn bridge. There are a alf a dozen professors of beauty, enamelers, etc., at Gotham. . John Brown's shackles are the latest relic to be found in all muwnms. An Alabama man has a child with' three tongues. Of course Wm a girL Huntington, Pa., has abase ball club oalled "Little Potetoes Kara to PeeL' Mrs. Harriett Beaoher Stowe wears clothes of the fashion of twentyTfive years ago. .... . ., , ,. - ''. The Generosity of Princes. ; Among the items in the estimates of expenses tor the Duke of Edinburgh's : -j special mission to Moscow is jG1,000 for : ? gratuities." People who think that this s amount is exorbitant will perhaps change f their opiniQn on learning that when thev Emperor Nicholas visited the Queen at Windsor Castle in 1841 he gave 2,000 to the servants and 1,0(K) to the housekeeper, as well as six gold snuff -boxes, with hia picture set in diamonds, to the lords of the household, and six with his cipher to the equerries vand groons-in-waiting. These were the chief gifts; but for other dependents about a bushel of ; rings, watches and brooches weredistrib- ."' uted. When the late Emperor Napoleon stayed in Windsor in 1855 he left 1,500 : for the servants. ':

s:.

A.;.-'

To Make More' of jit

Hilwnkoe 8entinel . . To lengthen out a chicken for dinner, make acofiee cupful of prepared flour in to stiff dough, wet up with an egg as for griddles, roil very thin, and about ten minutes before you dish the chicken out the dough into narrow strips and' drop into the boiling broh which has not been

thickened into soup, It will add greatly

to the dish and make moroof it

How It Affects Some Men. John B. Qough. . -1 ' .. "' ;, Under one glass the drinker slaps his

chest with a great blow o jtt&m- and

says, defiantly:

fort-a-ble.',. : . f

Second Glass 'Tm comtort-ble. 'J Third Glass -,Oomtbll ivrt. Fourth Glass "Oomt Fffth GlaaiMf.'' v i