Bloomington Courier, Volume 9, Number 34, Bloomington, Monroe County, 23 June 1883 — Page 3

Rev. Father Makoney, of St John's

Cathedral, Milwaukee, approves of Mayor StoweJi's war against saloons, and in a nwnt sermon said he could not consci

entiously administer the sacrament to any

saloon keeper who refused to obev the

commands of the church or the laws

of the state, concerning the irood order

-m - . . and welfare of the city.

Mexico has made immense donations during the hist few years to aid railroads, font she has been wiser than t he United States in making the grants, for it is

stipulated that the roads shall not charge

extortionate rates. On the American

roads near the Mexican line they charge passengers ten cents per mile, but the same roads after crossing the boundary, are permitted to charge but three cents.

Asr inventor in the east has contrived n electrical machine for executing criminals without pain. The invention may ; be a very good one, but what is more needed is a contrivance or convicting criminals who deserve hanging. The number of desperate criminals whose misdeeds should by rights bring them to the halter, but who escape justice are proportionately large, while those who are sentenced to be hanged are so few in number that it would seanthat the country could get rid of them the old way for awhile.

The continued disappearance of the sardines, once so abundant on the coast of Brittany, hasbecomeaseriousoalamity to the people of that part, where the catching has been wont to give employment to 1,500 boats and more than 9,000 fishermen, while the curing t-nd packing for home consumption and exportation have furnished a living to a very large number of male and female hands. The reason of the disapperance is believed to be the great change of tempearature during the season, the weather having for the last two years been unfavorable.

In the investigation in Chicago as to the quality of Fowler's lard which McCreoch refused to receive, an employe in "the Fowler packing house testified that it was the custom to dump into the .'prime steam lard" vats certain proportions of hog fat, beef fat, sheep's fat and 'whatever of the skinnings from the tierces and canned meats there was on hand. Whenever there was no beef fat they

wheeled tallow from the cellar and dumped it in. When the whole had been steamed it was run off into tierces, which were marked "prime steam lard of the

James Wright & Co. brand."

warm by Pterin generated by a small heater under the wagon. This method has been thoroughly tested, meals having been delivered at a long distance iu good condition. THE BAD BOY MEDITATES.

Two young la dies J were abusing another

at a terrible rate in a street ear, when the object of their abuse came in. Recoguizang her sweetly, they continued their conversation without a break, only upon an entirely different topie. -A gentleman acquaintance who had been listening,was samazed at their smooth hypocrisy and spoke to one of them about it. She informal him cooly that it was a custom jsmong ladies to always have some common place subject to tall back upon when caught in a bit of gossip. She also said that if she and two other ladies were together and she found it necessary to leave she always took one of them with her. ""You see, "said shef I take one of them with me, we can talk about the one we leave behind, but if I go away and leave them together, they will talk about me, and that's a risk I never run if I can

'The Indian has played an important Tpart in our history ever since the landing of the Pilgrims, and the story of his deeds and misdeeds possesses a romatic interest not; surpassed by any novel ever written. The pioneers who slowly drove the red men farther West were not book writers, and but few of the many thrilling conflicts between the races have found a place in history. They are scattered through so many volumes that it is probable that in the course of a few years they will be lost sight of unless collected and published in a single volume. The avidity with which the average boy devours the story of 'Bobby Bowlegs, the Juvenile Indian Slayer of the Rockies," clearly indicates that a volume containing true stories of conflicts between the Indians and the pioneers would have a large sale and would be welcomed by old and young. ... .

Disastbb has followed disaster during the five months of the present year. First came the Milwaukee fire, resulting in the destruction of nearly a hundred lives. Following this was the burning of the winter circus in Bussia, whereby over 150 persons met a horrible death. Then came the frightful floods in Central Europe, spreading destruction. The Ohio flood and its disastrous results are still fresh in the minds of all. Buzzards and tornadoes have been more numerous than ever before known in this oountry. From the 1st of January to Feburary 5 the victims of these furious forces numbered about seventy killed and 200 injured; and the loss of life in the following three months was far greater, and the destruction of property enormous. Over 100 persons have been killed in railroad disasters in the United States. The victims of the Braidwood mine horror were nearly 100. Fully 350 people have gone down at sea. Decoration Day brought a remarkable list of calamities, resulting in the death of forty-one persons and the injury of 300 more. If the remaining months of the year are to be marked by like catastrophes, 1883 will leave a bloody and appalling record.

Peek's Sun, "What yon sitting there for half an hour for, staring at vacancy ?'" said the grocery man to the bad boy, aa he sat on a stool by the stove one of these foggy mornings, when everybody feels like quarreling, with his fingers clasped around his knee, looking as though he did not know enough to last him to bed. "What yon thinking about any way?" "I was wondering where you would have bjen to day if Noah had run his ark into such a fog as tbis and there had been no fog horn on Mount Ararat, and he had pissed by with his excursion and not made a landing, and had s uoaed on around the freshet until all the animals starved, and the ark had struck a snag and burst a hole in her bottom. I tell you, we can congratulate ourselves that Noah happened to blunder on to that high ground. If that ark had been lost, either by being foundered,or being blown up by Fenians because Noah was an Englishman, it would have been cold work tryinffto populate this world. Tn that case another Adam and Eve would have to be made out of dirt and water, nnd

they might have gone wrong again, and

failed to raise a family, and where would

we have been. I tell you, when 1 think

of the narrow escapes we have had, it is a wonder to me that we have got along as

well as we hava'

'Well, when did you get out of the

asylum' said the grocery man, who had been standing back with open mouth

looking at the boy as though he was cra

zy. "Wnat you want is to nave your neaa

soaked. You are getting so you reach out too far ith that small mind of yours. In

about another year you will want to run

this world vonrself. I don't think you

are reforming very much. It is wicked

for a boy of your size to argue about such

things. Your folks had better send you

to eollega"

"What do I want to go to college for,

and be a heartless hazer, and poor base

ballplayer. I can be bad enough at home. The more I read, the more I think

don't believe I can ever be

good enough to go to heaven, anyway,

and I guess I will go into the newspaper business, where they den't have to bo goo-1, and where they have passes everywhere. Do you know, I think when I was built they left out a cog wheel or something in my head. I can't think like some boys. I get to thinking about Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, and of the dude with the cloven hoof that flirted with Eve, and treated her and Adam to the dried applss,and I can't think of them as some boys do with a fig leaf polonaise, and fig leaf vests. I imagi ne them dressed up in the lateat style. I know it is wrong, but that is whiit a poor boy has to suffer who has an imagination, and where did I get the imagination? This confounded imagination of mine shows me Adam with a plug ha on, just like our minister wears, and a stand up coliar, and tight pants, a id peaked-toed shoes, and Eva is pictured to mo in a ernshed-angle-worm-colored dress, and brown striped stockings, and newspapers in her dress to make it set out, and a hat with dandelions on, and a red parasol, and a lace handkerchief which she puts to her dps and winks with her left eye to the masher who is standing by the corner of the house in an attitude, while the tail with the dart on the end of it is wound around the rain wat r barrel so Eve won't see ife and get scared. Say, don't you think it is better for a boy to think of our first parents with clothes on, than to think of them almost naked, exposed to the inclemency of the weather, with nothing but fig leaves pinned on? I want to do right, as near as I can, but I had rather think of them dressed like our folks are to-day, than to think of them in a cyclone with leaves for wearing apparel.

Say, it is wrong to fight, but don't you think if Adam had put on a pair ot box

ing gloves, when he found the devil was

getting too fresh about the place, and knocked him out in a couple of rounds,

and pasted him in the nc se, and fired him out of the summer garden, that it would

have been a big tiling for this world. Now honest?"

"Lookahere," said the grocery man, who had been looking at the boy in dismay, "You better go right horns, and let your ma fix up some warm drink for you, and put you to bed. You are all wrong in the head, and if you are not attended to you will have brain fever. I tell you, boy you are in danger. Gome, I will go home with you." What, you going to close up the store? Well, I will see you later. I want to talk with you about something that is weighihg on my mind," and the boy got out just in time to save his coat tail from bein caught in the door, and when tae grocery man came back from breakfast he found a sign in front, "This store 13 closed till fu rther notice. Sheriff.' '

MINE SHILDREN.

A new catering company is being formed in New York. It is to be a stock corporation, limited (the stockholder-s liability being limited to the amount of his investment), with a capital of $100,000, and 4,000 shares of !$24 each. The object, as the title indicates, is to furnish single persons, families, parties,weddingp, etc, with nicely prepared meals and refreshments of the best land whenever and wherever they may be ordered. The company has engaged a noted chef, with a corps of trained assistants. Buying large uantities of supplies for cash, it will be able to save a large percentage on the general prices of retailers, and a handsome amount by cooking for a Large number in one place, and by a complete sys tern. The corporation proposes to lease for twenty years one or two lots in a central quarter, near Broadway and Thirtyfourth street, and to build a model kitchen, store room, offices, etc. Meals and refreshments will be delivered by a newly invented wagon with special apparatus. Each meal for each family will be put up at the general kitchen in a tl rht rTee-

teFfl f er , stect , 4 j , m iff) days, and weighed forty-one jplafctcieinadetoat the: bo, and kenijunds and three ounce

How Lee's Army was Counted. Natick Citizen. When Lee's army was passing through Ohambersburg, Pa., in 1863, on the way to Gettysburg, Mr. Messersmith, the cashier of the bank, took a station on the bank steps and undertook to ascertain the number of rebels, tallying every hon

ored men on a slip of paper in his hand.

A rebel officer ordered him to desist under threat of bein:? placed in arrestMr. Messersmith bowed and proceeded to his barn, and obtained one hundred grains of corn, which he held in his light hand, which was thrust into his pantaloons pocket. He again took his stand on the steps of the bank, and for every liundred men that passed he dropped a grain of corn. When his hand was empty he had numbered tsn thousand men, and then he gathered the grains up a gain to repeat the enumeration. Thus he stood in the hot sun and, indeed, the weather was scorching at the time counting until he had numbered the entire host, amounting to sixty thousand men. During the night he had comunicated to Governor

kCurtain the information he had thus oh-

ained. The Largest Fleece Ever Shorn. Detroit Poet aitd Tribune. It is stated that the largest fleece over recorded in the United States at a public shearing was taken a few days ago at Lansing, at the meeting of the Michiga n Merino Sheep Breeders' association Tfc was from a two-year-old ram, Diamond

. y . n a tf, 01 ;oja water, was

Oh, dose shiMron, dy bodilhor mine life 1

Yhv don t doy kcoi timet, hko brotchou, mine

vifo?

Vol, mnkes data ao shock fool of miflchiof, 1 vun-

der.

A shmmrimr dor worn round mit noises like

dander? Hour dot ! Vos df-rijanyding mnkc Rich n noiao As Herman nnd Otto, minodwoleedle poys. Von. I take out mine pipe for a Rood quiet shmoko, Doy crawl mo all ovor, and dink it nshoSco To ri droo mine bockots toseoyot doy nnd, U'td if mit dor latch key my ptitoh doy can rind,

Td drtkos ftfimndiiiir moro as dhoir faddor und

milder To quiet dot Otto und his loedlo brodor. Doy shtub out dhoir boots, nnd years holda in dor knooa Off dhoir donsors, nnd shtockings, und fiooch dins ais doeo, I dink if dot CrcciM was lifiing to-iny, Boeo pnys mako moro hills m dot Kainor could pay; I find me jrwick ond dot sotnn riehoe dako vings, Vfu oncli soupla a tays I nuist buy dom now dinga, Oh, doso ahildren, doso ahildren, doy boddher minolifo; Budt. ahtop ahust a lootlo. 3f Grotchen, mine vife. TJnd dopoleodloshildron doy dou'dbeon around, Und all droo her housdore pas nofor a soundVeil, poys, vy you lookout dot way mit surprise? I giwsi doy SCO tears in dhoir oldt fader's oyes. fHapor's Mngazino.

MR. HEFFERNAN'S RIDE.

"Whin T wor on the onld dart, byes, said Mr. Tereuce Hefferuan to his mates in the dining hour, "I had no occasion to work at snch ondignifN'm employment as hod-carryin Me father wor a shmall fanner in the County Clare, and his uncle

on the mother's side wor a cousin to a brother-in law av the Mayor ot Cork. Indade, if it worn't like boastin', I moight say that me ancisthors claim discint " "From Brian Born an the kings st Oonnaug-ht, I e'poee" interrupted Teddy M'Gee, "Anf so, for the matther of that, do mine. But, sure, in this counthry we are Reypublicans- that is to say. Diinmierats; an Tin not the man to be flauntin' me ryal pidigree iu the faces of the free citizens of this great raypnblic. I'm contint to submerge my prayrogotives ontil the time whin onld Ireland is free from the yoke of the Saxon toyrant," "As I wor snying," went on Mr, Heffernan with a slight accession of dignity, but not otherwise noticing the interruption, me father wor a shmall farmer " 'Oft's thrue as you're aloive, Terr;, me bye!" interrupted the irrepressibleMGee; waV wa?h't it me ovrn father as wor his laudlord, an' didn't he charge him a raysop able price rint, an' niver throuble him whin he was in or rears?" "Houldyer whist,ye lyin' blatherskite" said Mr. Heffernaii, "Ye didn't beJong in Clare at all. but in Donegal, an' ye're father niver owned n scrap av raal estate at all, but what he carried around wid him on the so wis of his brogues. But,as I wor sayin', me father wor a shmall farmer "I'm yer ?t!Pf3 for that, Terry, nhesr fear," said Teddy M'Gee; "ye're tonld us that twice afore, an' be the time ye've made up the round dozen, these jintleman 11 be afthc wakin' up to the fact," "Did yon iver hear, byes refiimedMr. HorTeinar!, m desperation, "how I came to be comiu to this counthr'?' "Sure an' wo did," answerd M'Gee; "the Immigration Society gave yer a free steerage pass on the City of Brussels, an' ye came, as all the rest of us did, be wather." "Bad cess to you intirely, ye spalpeen " said Tevence, in a rage, "yeVe no manner at all, at all, but what ye shtole from the pig-pen. An' if tke nntlomen here don't want to be listenin' to me narrative, 'tis , inesolf as can resarve it for a more appiviyointive audience!"

M,Amnfel after usm the same, says he. to be visit-in' the hiirh sheriff in the

county town, an' would I be insultin' his

honor be goin' afutV

" 'Thin savs I. there's nothin' for it

but borroin' Tim DooleyV niaro.' "The upshot av the whole matter wor,"

remarked Mr, Ileflfernno, ''that we borrow

Tim's mare an CoUvauienoy an' set out wan fiue mornin' in June, me iu an ili-

L-ant blue swallow-tail soat wid brasB

n .. -------- .. buttons which belonged to me grandfather, an' him in a pink shootin jacket whick the squire giv' him for rnnnin' errands. An' be the powem, there wom't in all Ireland two happier byes than we "Now, Tim's mare wor a quare crathnr whin she started ye could nivor sthop her, and whin she ehtopped 'twor the divil's own work to git her goin' agin'. She wasn't what yez would call a beauty, but a da-eent-lookiu' roadster, barin the spring halt, an' ringbones on her forrad feet, an' a blood spavin on her off hind leg, an a trifle av a hump on her back. But, saints preserve us! whiu she laid her ears back an'took the bit betune her;teeth,she made

the road disappear undhernathe her like

wather down a mill race. " The safe's slippery. Terry,9 said Pat-

sey, whin he got fairly on the road.

" 'Tis because Tim has been affcher var niBhin' it, to make it Ink nate and tidy,' 9aid I. " An' it slopes oncomf wtably said he. " 'A down-grade is the aisiest travehng

says I.

" Til be fallin off, sure said he, as the

mnre wint off wid a tarp; for the cnvar

niency, bein' widont springs, jolted up an' down wid iverv run an' tarn av the road.

"Ye won't if jTon hould on tight.'said I "Whin she fell in til a quieter gait. T

says to Patsey, If the truces bonld, an' that splice in the shafts don't come asunder, we'll do the sivin nrles as gentaloly

as possible in les3 nor an hour says I.

" 'We'll be shook to ajslinters in less

time nor that says ho.

We'll pull ourselves together at the

ind of our journey,' says I,

u 'If we iver rache it,' returned Patsey. " 'We're bound to do that,' says I, 'on-

liss we're struck wid perpetual motion.

" Tit's thrue for ye. Buf, Terry,' says

he, ''what's that thing lyiy' in undher the hedge thore?'

"I turned to look. "Yis a lefeher carpit

bag,' says I.

" 'It is that says he. 'An' how did it

(omn. thcro wil no man to be lookin' afther it?'

" 'No doubt says I, 'twcr left there by some traveler who's gone on an' forgot it " 'The aisest way to ba findin' out is by going an seeing says I. 'And be the same token, 'twill be a charity to be lavin it Tiid ould Gannon at the toll-gate, for some wan's sure to be makin inquiries afcher it says I. "And w-1 nl :nore,ad j, Patsey jumped off the car an wor back agin in a minnit wid the carpet bag. But ju6t as he sated himself an wor in the act ef oneiiin it. to make an invintory of the cphtiiits, all of a suddint, wid nnther word nor warnin, away went Tim Donley's mare like the cork out of beer bottle. "Just thin a man jnmoedover the hedge at the place where the bag wor lyin, wid a big shtiok in his hand, which it afterward turned out he had gone into the woods beyaut to cut, lavin his bag the while be the roadside. Whin he seen it were gone, before alons the ro?d, afther us, waving his hands and y-llin at the top of his voice: " Shtop, ye thavin vllyuns! an gimme n 0 bag that ye've shtole, or I'll brak

I ivery bone in yer body!'

" 'Whoa, ye onruly, uisbehnvin baste!

And he relapsed into a dignified silence h t tfill yeshouted I to the mare.saw-

and refused to be appeased. At length, in a thc reing har j anough to cut through after profuse apologies from Tefdy, and ; a tol.inoh plRnk? an wid no more effect

on her mouth than if I had been tickling

due representations from the others that

113 weight should be given to the wondorings of such an irresponsible character as lie, Mr. Hefferuan consented to pocket the affront and resume: "As I wor sayin' me father wor a small farmer" "Ye did, murmured Teddy. But a warning look checked him, and the narrator wos allowed to continue without interruption. "An' kep his nag an' jauntin car wid the best av "em. Faith, 'twas the iligant times we had. Wakes an' weddin's an christening, an' fairs, wid good athY an' whisky galore,an' wid more broken heads at the ind than yez could shake a shtick at! Ah, byes, but thim was the days, wid twinty-four hours of sunlight, aa a glass an a song an' a joke an' a kiss for iverv wan av 'em. "But I was tellin' ye. There was a weddin' over be Ballyduff, an me an' Patsey Gohagan wor invited. It wor to be a rale ginteal affair, wid lashin's av good aitin' an' dhrinkin', an' wid the best fiddlers an' dancers in the county, an' bein' as it wor sivin miles or more away, we didn't want to be f uttin it, but on the conthrairy, to bo doin' the thing in style; so says I to hi'm. "Patsey, don't ye thiuk we'd better be takin' yer father's pony an j mntin' ear?" " 'Av ye're ax n me opinion says Patsey, 'me auswer'll be in the nigative " 'An what for now?' Bays I. " 'Becase says he, 'we've been afther mindin' the cabin chimley wid the fltire av the ear, an' usm' the sate for chairs, an' me father lint wan av the wheels to a neighbor who'd had a misfortune wid his'n, an' the 'tothei wheel is wantin' a tire, an' most av the spokes, an' the pony is as lame as a cripple an' has got the " 'Say no more, Patsey says I, 'yer excuse is sufficent " 'Why not use yer father's shandrydan Terry V says he. " 'Av he consints says I, ' 'tis not meself aa'll raise anny objections "So the nixt mornin' says I to father: " 'Father, me an Patsey Gahaan is afther goin' to Aileen McMurtajjhs weddin' to-morrow " ' 'Tis an iligant time ye 13 be havin there, says he. " 'An' how'll we be goin, father?' says I. " 'Ye can go be the turnpike says" he or on the pad road round bo Drmnshambo, or, av ye plaze, ye can tako the short cut across the bog, though I'd not advise it " 'Tie a long thramp, father says I. " 'Twill be good exercise says he, 4an 'twill give ye an ixmllent appetite for the atables whin ye git there " 'We'd rather be ridin says f. " 'Sure, an' I don't blame ye saya he, 'avye can find anny wan that's fool enough to iind ye the loan av their conveyance

'twould be a good idea to nag

wot. thinking

be ufatf our j

her ears wid a feather. " -We're kapin it for ye!' yelled the mam " 'Shtop yer horse!' " "Tis a mare hollered Patsey, an we'd be thankful to ye if ye.'d shtop her yer6elf for we can't "On wint the mare as if all the bumbailiffs in Oonnaught were afther her wid a warrant; an on corns the man behind us, bawlin an yelhn, and behavin altogether more ltke a maniac than a Christian. Mauewhilo Pasey an mo had all we could do to I nye our sates, jumpin from side to 6ide, and bobbin up and down like a batdedore and ehuttlecock. 'She'll smash in the front of the car, Terry says Paisey, in a fright; for the ould mare were batin the rogue's tattoo on the dashboard with her heels, and ivery thump she giv made the timbers creak an the whole coucarn shiver like a ship in a shtorm. " 'Horra a bis do I care says I, if I get out of this wid me head on right side uppermost " 'Terry, honey says Patsey, 'can't ye spake her gently, an be soetherin her down a little, Cor this wheel won't hould out long says he, 'Theshyokes is rattlin about like pays in a bladdher. " 'Sure me arms is broke a'ready houldin' the reins says I. " 'An' be tae same token me back's broke intirely, houldin me sate an the carpit-bag says Patsey; ro wTereaven

" 'Bad luck go wid the carpet-bag says I, 'and ill it belongings "'Bejabeis!' says Patsey, 'bad luck enough an' io shpare is afther goin' wid it as it is, le. alone wishin' for more.' " Ai her d's plenty more of it, right atop of us, says I, 'widout the trouble of

wishin; for here comes Corny Flynn's hay-cart wid a big load of turf on it; an how we're to mate an' pass on this bit of a road without a smash-up is more nor I know "'It's th truth ye're shpakin' says Patsey, ar' the nixt time I risk me neck goin' to a weddin' behind this murdherin baste, I'll athay at home and walk there.' "At thai we both hurroo loud enough to waken he Sivin Sleepers; an' whin Corny Flvun heard it, an' seen the plight we were i 1, he did his best to turn the cart out (f the roadway. But the ould mare woi too quick foi him. Jist as we got forni 1st the cart, au' he wor in the act of tu uin' wan av his wheels wint intil a rut and unset the whole load of turf about the mare's ears, "One ace struck mo on the nose an flattens t intirely continued Mr. Meffernan, Angering that organ musingly, "which iccounts for me being slightly pug-nofed. Afore that untnekv day me iligant ioman nose wor tho admiration of all U 0 barony. Now, 'tis the wreck ye see. Hmvsomever, that has nothin to do wid me sthory. " 'Ye blundering omadhann Rented Corny 0 us, 'where are ye gob' ?' '

" To Sandy MoMauus weddiu says

Patsey, 'an good day to ye

' 'Don't ye think says I, whin Pd got

ten the turf -dust out of me eyes, its time

this thing come to a sitop?

" '1 do that says Patsey, 'purvidiu' it

don't shtop too suddintj I'm contiut

"At that I criv' the reins an oxtry twist

round me wrist for a better purchase, an'

braced up agin the back av the sate, to

make ready for pullin'.

' Throw ver arm round me waist to

hould mo tight' says I to Patsey.

" 'All right says ha 'Now, thin, pull

for yer life.'

"An I did pull so hard that no mouth in the worruld, barrin' it wor the mouth

of the Mississippi, would ha' stood it.

But, begone that shiftless egiot, Tim Dooley, had beeu after mindin the reins

wid a piece of cord, an' in a moment snap

they wint, wid part of em danglin about

the mare's legs,like to dhrive her distract ed, an' the lave of 'em hangin' loose from me hands. An if it worn't for the grip Patsey had of me waste an' the back of tho sate, we'd ha been afther laviu' the con yanieuoy widout shtoppin' to got off. " 'Saints betune us an' all harruni says Patsey; 'but what'll we do? aayshe; for if the mare wor wild afore she wor frantic now. '"Hould on as lng as we can, an' thrust to luck for the rist says I. An' we wint down on the flure of the car an' held on be the sate. " 'Sure there'll be nothin to hould on by afore long says he; 'an as to the luck

bad's the best av it!'

" 'At all evints says I, to comfort him,

av she kapea on at this rate we'll be at

the weddiu' in good time

" 'Begorra sayB Patsey, 'we're more

like to be afther attindin' two buryin's

" Arrah, thin says I, 'they'll be givin

us an illegant wake

'"'Tia a poor relish I have for the whis

ky they'll be drinking at it says ha

" 'Kape up yer spiritssays I, 'an don't

lose yer courage.'

"'I'd sooner lose me courage than me futtin', says ha "All this time the mare wor gittin' worse instid of betther, an' it wor only a question av time which would go first the wheels or the shafts, or Tim Donley's rope harness. " Lord save lis!' says Patsey, afther a bit, 'we're close to onld Gannou's toll-gate, au' whatl 1 we be doin thin ?' " 'If the gate's open we'll go through it says I, 'an' if its shut we'll go over it " 'Be jaber-Vsay b Patsey, whin e came iu sight av the toll-gate, 'here's ould Gannon runnin' tor' da ns snortin' like astame injine " 'He's eouiin for his toll, the mane ould nager, says I; 'sure he'd skin a toad for a farden an' shpoil a knife worth a sixpence "Terry says Patsey, 'the gate's shut, an' he'll niver let us through without pay in' " 'All the worse for his gate,' says I;

for 'tis ivident that Tim Dooley's mare ure an appintment to kape, an' don't iuane to shtop till she raohea the ind of her distillation "In a minute or s up came Gannon widin shoutin' distance. " 'Hello, there! he yelled, 'shtop yer horse! ' "Sure we're only passengers on this vehicle returns Patsey, 'an have no conthrol over the movemints av it, more's the pity says ha "The toll is thrippence says Gannou. Z " "Tia chape for the monev!" sis I,as we wint whirlin' past him, 'an' av I had the time I'd be for shtoppin' to pay ya' " 'I'll arrest ye he shouted afther us. " 'Av ye could do it gintly, so as to uvoid unplidint consequinces hollared Patsey, 'we'd thank ye kindly, for 'tis what we're aohin' for ' Bhssid saints!' says I, 'we'll be on the pates in a minnit, so shut your eyes, Patsey, an' prepare for the worst. 'I'm prepared for worse nor that, Terry says he, av it's only I'll be thankful " 'Byes?' added Mr. Heffernan, after an impressive pause, add with a solemnity beflttinc the theme, "tie no use me des

cribin' to ye the ivintnation of the colli sion that attinded that catastruphe, for 'tis impossible to be done. Av ye wor in a tnndhor sthonn at a boiler explosion in an iron foundry on the fourth of J uly ye might undherstand it, but not anny other way "There wor a rush and a roar a clatter an a jump, an' thin darkness, wid more skyrockets an' mateors n' f.hootin' stars rushin' tlirough me head than all the asthronomers in the worruld iver saw in a twelvemonth. "Patsey Gahagan wint head first thru the toll house windy, scarin' ould Biddy Gannon out of her wits, which wor aisy seein she hadn't anny, knockin' the table wid a big skillet of boilin wather on it, over the pig, an' scattherin' the turf fire all about the cabin.' " 'God save all here!' says he, whin he got his breath. " 'Ye murdherin' vagabone screamed Biddy, 'what d'ye mane by invadin' dacmt folk's home in this manner, an' tnrnin' 'em out of house and harbor?' aays ahe, an' she wint for him wid a broom. " 'Will ye heer me, Misthress Gannon says Patsey. " 'Niver a word says she; 'I've heard enough of it to last one's lifetimaye disthroyin reprobate. Look at me poor pig as ve've scalded to death, and who's squalin' his lungs out says sha 11 "Tis thrue for ye says Patsey in a

sootherin voice, 'but thin ye kuow,honey says he, 'a pig must be scalded afore he's fit for the atin' annywoy, an 'tis only anticipatin' matters a bit " "Tis antioipatin the lock up ye are for this day's work, ye rascally Bapparea' says Biddy, in a towerin' timper, as Patsey for very fear av her, hobbled out av doors as well as ha could, with a siperate ache an' pain in ivery bone of his body. "As for ma whin I come to meself, I wor sated in the middle av the road, Patsey holding mo up, wid them wiaps av reins in me hand, an' wid little bits an tatthers of Tim Dooley's convanienoy scattered all round, promiscuous like.but sorra a plank avit big enough to make a mortar-board out av, Tho toll gate wor shattered to splinters, an' the mare wor no where to be seen. An' worse than all boys, au iligant bottle of mountain dewthat I'd put in the pocket av the tail fir me coat to mate the ixigenoies.wor dashed to pieces an me elotlw Boaked wid tho liquor. "There wor ould Gannon stnodin over

mo wid a blackthorn ready to bate the life out av me the minuit I opened me

I eyes. " '"Terry Heffernan, Te good for noth i ing says he, 'a nioe paoer qI worrtt yev

beeu afther doin wid yer reokless, ta'iraway deviltries, destroyin property and broakin tho law. " "Tis the toil gate an' me head that's broken says I, 'and twas not me that done it at all, but Tim Dooley's ntare,bad scran to her " ''Tis nuesolf that's sorry to see the son av a dacent man like yer father takin to avil ways, Sure ye're on the high road to the gallows " ''Tis nothing av the sort saysl; we're on the road toAileenMcMurtagh'a weddin an' we'd be there now but for ye obstructin' the highway wid yer toll-gate " 'Thin she's after ohoosin' a quare place to be married in says Gannon, 'for I do be thinkin ye're both av ye bound to the county jail as straight as legs ca?a carry ya " 'Arrah, Misther Gaunon says I, yed niver be for beariu' malice agin a couple av poor byes because at a misfortunate accident, whin 'tis well known that hi yer young days ye were the loife av the whole country side wid yer rale ould Irish spirits and diviimint " 'Faith Bays Gannon, 'I wor nivi r the dith av an muooent pig, which is more nor ye can say, wid yer reckless slaugh-

terin'

"But I could see that meblaraeyin' had

t5ckled him for all he looked so sonr.whin as bad luck would have it, who should turn up but the man that owned the car-

pit-bag.

" 'Where's thim two thavin' robbers.

says he, 'as shtole the carpit-bag av a dacint man as" niter wronged a neighbor out av a fardin?'

" 'Is it so bad as that?' says Gannon, a

lookin' mighty serious; 'an' are ye afther

addin highway robbery to yer lawlessness?'

" 'Indade, Misther Gannon, honey

eays Patsey, 'we niver shtole his carpit-

bag at all, more be token it's been the

cause av all our throubles says he.

" 'Sure, here's the bag wid me name on

it says tue man, 'to prove the woi-th av

yer word an he fished it out av the re

mains av the flonveyanoe an held it afore

us.

" As Im a livin sinner sa a ljateey, we did but take it to be lavin' it wid

Misther Gannon here, in case anny man

should be lookin for it

" Tis a likely tale says Gannon, an'

yez had betther be tellin' it to the magis

trate. As to lavin the bag wid me, tis an impndent excuse to be offerin, whin ye are well a are that av me gate had been opin, divil a bit av me toil I'd have seen, let alone tho gintleman'u carpit-

bag

" ' Tis the truth we're tellin says Pat

sey

" "Tie me carpit-bag ye wor afther

shtalin says the mais.

" 1 'Tis false says I, 'an the' nixt time do an act av charity to a man that's

unable to take care av his own propity,

li be thinkin' betther av it, an actin' the

conthrairy way says L

" ''Tis what Pd advise ye to doeays Gannon, 'av ye want a good view 0$ the intarior of the jail from the outside " Take care av me propity, is it?' says the man. &iira av I can't take care of it betther than a blnndherin' oniadhaun that smashes his vahiele and loses his nag an commits more depridation generally, nor an airth quake would, I'll refciie from business and hire a shtewardl says he. "An didn't yez get io fhe weddin' afther nil?' queried one of Mr. Hefierriau's auditors. "Is it get to the weddin' ye re talkin' about?1' said that gentleman in tones of immeasurable contempt. 'Didn't a snakin' party of mounted polioe happen along, an haul me an' Patsey afore the magistrates, to answer the eharrge they made aginns? "Was it eharrge, t e'aid?" continued Mr. Heffernan, whose bile was evidently rising at the recollection of the injury and Iranuiiation inflicted on him. "There wor oharrges enough to last a regiment for a whole campaign. First thej oharrges us wid highway robbery an' violence; thn they charrged us wid furious dbxiviu', as if we wor answerable for the crazy

rly-away av Tim Dooley's; then wid wilful disthruction of county property, be

reason of breaking the toll gate an

smashin' the windy; then they charged us

wid cruelty to animals for scaldin' ould

Gannon's pig, and last of all wid drank an' disorderly conduct. But that charge wor too much for mo. Ma sphirits wor

that broke that I could boar a good dale.

hut I couldn't shtand that To think of all that good liquor shpilled on the road

an' on me clothes, wid niver a tlumblef ul

r.f it wettin' me lips, and me as dhry as a smoke-house chimley, an' thin to eharrge

me wid boin dhrunk ! " 'Ye perjured slanderers!' tays I; 'divil a dhrop has passed mo lips this blessed " Taugh!' says the magiathrate; 'ye only make matthers worse by yer lyin'; ve shmell like a whisky-still now says ha " 'Yer honor says I, ' 'tis but an ix tarior an visible sign of an intei-minal an' lamintable imptiness. Sure, the full of a shtandard quart av the best liquor iyir distilled is just thrown away over an insinsible suit av clofche,instid of reft eshin the insides of the owner of 'eim, worse luck to it? says I. "An' I whipped out av me pocket the neck of the broken bottle wid the cork still in it, to show that I'd been shpakin' the truth, . . .. , '"Yer honor can see says 1, 'that the potheen that wor in this bottle niver left it be way av the neck "Ts it verself sav he. 'that has the ef-

. nmiriciii Hofnrrt me eves the

rroiiwsi y vno v, ividino'as av yer chatin' the revenue be smuesrled whisky?'

that's an exoellent

A4S "A that same says I.

"Vhat d'ye mane sor?' saya he, gittin

as red as a turkey-cock.

" That 'tis from, the same barrel yer ,itvtfftlton kea: come from that ye 01-

HArod av me three weeks agonft says I

ilbrinkin' ver honor's

health in a thimbleful av it at the prisint tnnmint savs I, 'we could procade wid

r mntlAra wid a dale

more spirit'

" 'Silence, sorl' thundered the magisthrate; 'your untimely livity only adds to

ton maliffnity av yer ofniise. 10 are com-

xnitted to jail for thrial, and ye are im

prisoned besides ror oounmiJi ddvci

" Will yer lien or be kind enough to inforruol me says X 'which sin Unco is to k iTionted first,so that I may know whin

WV ... . - ,

it, is I'm imprisoned for contirapt, and

whin it is I'm only in jail awaitm me thrial? says L "The coort will not bandy words wid ye says he wid a wave av hie hand. Tak 'em to the lookup to wanst,' ggys he to

the pelicemen. An be the powers, byes, they jist bundled us off to jail widout avon a 'Good day !' or 'Save ye kindlyan thore we'd a laid to this day av wo hadn't got out " And how did you manage to get clear of the scrape, Terry? said an interested listener. "Sonny," answered Mr. Heffernan,with an indulgent wink, "in a week or so they bailed us out, an Patsey an mo thought a change of climate would be good for the health, so wo both wint to England for the harvest worruk, as laborers wor scarce just thin "An is all that, thrue, Terry?' said Mr. McGco, inquiringly. "As thrue as that thundherin' whistle's callin us back to worruk, Teddy said Mr. Heffernan, "an' if we don't be hurryin' they'll be dockin' us a quarther av a day, the haythens."

Hints fhat Made a Wreck. Snvannah Record." When a Georgia father found out that hi6 son John was sparking a certain farmer's daughter for a year or more without settling any question, he called him out behind the stack and said to him:

"John, do voit love Susan Tinker?" "I guess I do, dad' "And does she love you?" "That's what I dunno, and I'm 'fraid to ask her." "Well, you'd better throw out a few hints and 6nd out. It's no use wearing out boot leather unless you are going to ask her.' That night at ten o'clock John came home a wreck. His face was all scratched up, his ear bleeding, his hat gone, and his back was covered with mud. "John ! j ohn ! What on earth' is the matter?" exclaimed the old man, laying down his paper. "Bin over to Tinker's' was the reply.1 "And and ' "And I threw out a few hint to Susan' "What kind of hints?" "Why, I told her I'd been hoofing it two miles four nights of a week f 3r the last two years to set up with her while she chawed gum and sung through her nose, and now I reckoned it was time for her to brush her teeth, darn up her stockings, cure the bile on her chin and tell the folks that we are engaged." "And her father bounced yon?" "No, dad, no: there's where I'm consoled. It took the whole family, including Susan and three dogs: and then I wasn't morn half licked. I guess we moved on 'em too soon, dad I guess it wasn't quite time to throw out hints'

On Wall Street. Geo. Alfred Town send. I was talking a day or eo ago with a gentleman who sold his seat in the New York stock exchange about a year and a half ago. Said I: "What do you think about Wall sS?" "I congratulate myself on getting the highest price but one or two ever received for a seat in the stock exchange. I got 50,000 down." "What could you buy your seat back for now?" said I. "For 825,000, and perhaps fox 820,000' Said I :; "Why are seats not sold at

present so that we can get some idea of their worth?;'

"To be frank about it replied niy

friend, "they are not 6old because nobody

will buy them. Wall street has got the

dry rot. i'he large constructive operators

ike GoMld, Field, etc, got ready to go

away some time past, but now even the

ijears are jumping the street, seeing no

trade even for jnmping on the securities

that are already down. Camniaek is go-

mg away.

"What do you think," says I to this

person, "about Bassell Sage?"

"He is the biggest skin in Wall street,"

said my friend. "I see that you were imposed on the other day by somebody who talked of Sage as a man of some chivalry. He hasn't got a bit. He is penurious and mean to the last degree. It is true that

he does not quarrel, because that would

cost something. He snarls a little to his

clerics, He is one of the meftlrho have

degraded Wall street and driven business out of it by his system of puts and calls,

which is a sort of bucket-shop operation. Instead of attending to the purchase and sale of stocks, like a normal and regular

operator, he has been selling us insur

ances or "hedges," and has managed to

pick up millions by that smart yet vicious vice. Whatever way you trade with him

von are pretty sure to lose, and hence

Wall Btreet is avoided by public opinion,

by the public, and finally by the gam

blers themselves. I do not beueve it

will resuscitate," said my friend, "for several years to come. I think there is a process going on to make all those fel-

ows down there get to work m some way

and stop living on bladders and bubbles

A Negoes in Germany A letter from Paris to Philadelphia

Telegraph about Booth's visit to Germa

ny says: "Some comical incidents arose

during his tour out of the presence of his

daughters colored maid, Betty, whose

black fckin filled the average Crerman

mind with wonder and amaza be me-

tunes they set her down as a Zulu, and were surprised to learn that she was a

harmless American. 'Mr. Booths courier was several times asked, on arriving at a new hotel, as to what his strange creature

was to be fed upon. One day, -when she

was out walking with Miss Booth, a kindly

looking German, who had been staring

at the pair for some time, evidently cam

to the conclusion that Betty was some

kind of a large-feame monkey, for he dart-

oA ititn n fruiter shoo and came out

with a quantity of fine plums, which he

pressed into her hands. On another oc

casion Betty was going through the corridor of a hot el, whtn she met an elderly

ho stormed her With an

authoritative gesture. He then carefully

applied the tip of one finger to her cheek and save the chin a vigorous rub, after

ward looking a this fingers and shaking

his head in bewilderment on findiug that

the color did not come off.

Pauperism in Russia.

Roskoohny's recent work on Russia claims that there 300,090 professional

beggars in seventy one governments of

that country, who thrive and make mon

ey in this trade. Many of them have

farms and live nicely at home, but at the approach of warm weather abandou every thing and set forth upon their wanderings, enjoying the variety and vagabond life, and gathering a rich harvest as they hang around tho church doors and market places. Bigoted, lazy, and fond of drink, the average Russian peasant finds such a life the height of enjoyment. Bright days in atore When there is a; rijsii of cuatomers.

NEGRO CAMP-MEETING SONG. Ole Siater alary drappod her prido, Ap' all at tmco got fcanetiiied, An whoa ahe fell down for tor pray 8he tuck up wings anT flow rvayt O, take off your coat, po' sinner An1 prey ter do Lawd aa faaf as y aide Sister Mary, when she riz. Shnck her leg nt tho mouraatis. An1 flow away obor do turnip patoh , On her way to lift do heabenly latch. Oh, git on do rroun po' sinner man. An make a move ter jine de nan'. Ole Brnddor Iko was full ob sin, . An' at da Lawd would stan an' grin. But do debil grabbed him with a boos. An' down bolow wid him he took. Oh, roll in do san sinful chile. An1 take from your soul do debits bile. Arkansaw Traveler. GENERAL" MISGELIiAHY. High spirts The archangels. The total population of Greece is 2,067,060. r More money is made by waiting than by worrying. .

In one shoe factory in Lynn are thirty divorced wives. It is only one step from the barroom to the barred room. Vanderbilt wont allow an Jengine to bo named after him, ' It generally pays, if you have any principles, to stick to them. - The milk of a snake-bitten cowsickend several folks at Foster, Ohio. A family at Dayton has been poisoned by eating pie made of canned rhubarb. Senator Saunders, of Nebraska, is uncle of Sen tor elect Bowen, of Colorado A money-making man the counterfeiter. A famine in Hungary would be quits natural. Fire-esoapa inventions are getting as plenty as car couplers. . Tobacco is grown in the 64 of the 67 counties of Pennsylvania. . Germany has a good beet-root sugar crop, 700,000 ton?; France a poor one 880,000. . . , , , .5,., . . ... .... ' ' Philadelphia has 15 Sunday newspapersmore than any other city in the oountry. Some Boston tailors have got so hightoned and English-y that they spell fabrics with a "k? fabricks. There was stall from one to three feet of snow from the Flume to the Profile House in the White Mountains at the close of last week. Florida roasting ears are worth only 50 ots. in the Savannah market. The ear. nra a little longer than a short man's middle finger. ' ,r Ex.-Senator Chaflfee to a Denver reporter: ''Talk business to a congressman and you find him deaf and dumb.' j h, Haverly, the theatrical manager, has purchased a residence in Philadelphia, and, it is said, will make that place his home. Charles Welling, a N. Y. dry goods m-rchant who tailed in 1S65, paying fifr cents on the dollar, has j tis c paid his eret!itors the balance, 200,000. ., . Qaite a novai spectacle was vdtnessed at Peneacola, Fla., one day last week, in the way of funerals. A drayman died and his brother draymen attended his f unerel on drays. Gen. Wool's Game of Brag. W R. H., in St. Louis GlobDemocrat. ..... The mention of Gen. Wool reminds me of something which occurred during the Florida war. Wool was then inspectorgeneral of the army- He had been a fa mous card player, and it was reported that he had made a fortune from his winnings at "brag." Oapt. Forbes Britton, of the Seventh Infanty, was acting quartermaster and commissary of subsistence at a post m the Suwanee river. Bntton was an inveterate hand at sbrag'' and he won mo?t of the money paid to officers at the post Those who did not play loaned

iu.A -kA AiA nn in the end he got

most of the money. Capt, Bob Wooda run a steamboat on the Suwanee, and one time he ran into a tree top, or something of the sort; and disabled his craft, so that he was obliged to lay up at pur camp for Britton and he had a setto, and

Britton wonr not only all His money, uu his steamboat into the bargain. About that time General Wool came down there on a toltr of inspection; and Britton had an itching to give him a whirl at bras. Wool said, "No, I do not gamble, l eave iw m rfiT nvo. It's a bad practice.

Captain Britton, a very bad practice, and T nxrmfl von never to camble." Bntton

insisted, when Wool, who had been post

ed as to his intentions, relented ana took

a hand. They went at it, played all mgnt

until breakfast the nexc mormu,

Wfinl had won every cent.

Britton had, amounting to some

and the steamboat that he had got rronx Bob Wood.. Then rising from the table he said: "Captain Britton, I have won everv dollar of your money, even to your steamboat I hereby restore it all to von.

aamblinc? is a bad practice, a very r-au

practice even for those who know .how.

but vou can't play wortn a - , " ; . i Vrtti mar brt assured t hat

Britton never heard the last of that game

of brag.

Toads After a Rain.

Warner's Summer in n harden.

Why are the toads so plent? .ail auer

thunder shower? All my life long no

one has been able to answer me that qiieaV. mv

tioii. Why, after a neavy snower,

the midst ot it, do such multitudes 01

toads, especially little ones, hop about

on the gravel walks? For many years 1

believed they rained: down, aud i suppose

some people think so still. "I'hwK

toads after a shower" is one ot our oebx proverbs. I asked an explanation ot this of a thoughtful woman indeed, a great leader in the movement to have all the toads hop in any direction, without distinction of sex or religion. Her reply was that toadcame out daring the shower to get water. This, however, is not the fact I have discovered that they came out not to get water. I deluged a dry flower bed the other night with pailful after painful ot water. Immediately the toads came out of their holes to escape death by drowning, by tens, and twenties and fifties. The big ones fled away in a ridiculous streak of hopping, and the little ones sprang about, in the wildest confusion. The toad is just like any other land animal. When his home; is full of water he quits it.

John Bright, responding to the epeeoh of Granville at the banquet given the former, at Birmingham, Friday night, dwelt upon the necessity of extending freedom of trade and the franchise, and a distribution of the seats of commerce. He reprobated the coarse of theconstruc ionists in the commons, who, he said, ailred with tho Irish rebel party, wer doing. AiVnfmrttt. f!r nitikrt it imoosaible for-

the honsa to do any work

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r - t