Bloomington Courier, Volume 9, Number 25, Bloomington, Monroe County, 21 April 1883 — Page 3

A somieb at New York has just been sentenced to imprisonment for two years for stealing SI. No wonder Howgate skipped. At this rate' he would not have got out of thejpeuitentiary . until A, D. 203,884 and all his old friends would have forgotten him by that time.i :

Some learned scientist says that the effect the sun has or. the earth is to gradually absorb it, and that in about one million years there will bo nothing left of the earth, there is, t'aen, some prospect of a Conclusion of the s-tar route trials, even if a long suffering people are obliged to wait a million years for it Peck's Sun.

for the gremt wrong, something should be j Republican party, is like burning a house

done in all cases of this kind by way of to boil an egg."

compensation.

There are only four nations in the world to-day that sore paying their way. England generally manages to make ends meet and show a trifling surplus of two or three millions to be applied to the reduction of its enormous national debt;

the United btates, in spite of congressional extravance, put by every year nearly fifty times as much; and Holland and Belgium both keep about even. With these except ons every nation in the civilized world' snows an annual deficit or more or less millions.

Oxe test after another shows that electricity as an illuminating agent is far from satisfactory when the question of cost is considered. The last report on this subject is from a largeTailway station in California. A careful experiment was made, extending over a period of six months, with the employes trained to the best efficiency and expenses cut down to a minimum, and'thdtconclusion reached was that while elecfcricUy gave better light than gas, yet sufficient light could have been obtained from gas for half the money

An establishment in Chicago for raising vegetables in winter, has over four miles of hot water pipes, and 300 tons of coal are reojiired to heat the twenty-two houses cjsed in the business. The capital invested in the houses is 35,000, the ground on which they stand is valued at as much more. The great winter crop is lettuce; parsley is sewn for Thanksgiving and spinach for the holidays. An acre of rhubarb roots is taken up each year, and forcedrf or the early market. Cucumbers are raised in May, and the value of this crop when in season is S100 a day. The crops are uncertainone year $2,000 net was made on cauliflowers, the next year the crop did not pay expenses.

- Much has been said and written of the

great extent and large possibilities of Mexican haciendas. But probably few people in the United States even yet realize the extent of some of these tracts of land, where a million or a million and a half of acres often constitute a single estate in the hands of one owner. There are many such estates in Mexico large

enough to hide away many a European principality, large enough to awaken the envy of many a land proprietor in the Pacific Coast States of the" Union. These are to be found in many of the Central and Northern States of Mexico. The famous Salado ranch, forexample, contains over 600 square miles of land. It lies partly in the State of Nucvo Leon, Coahuilla, Zacateoas and SanLuisPorosi, on the highway to Mexico, and on the line

of the new railroads. It occupies the central table lands of Mexico at an average elevation of 4,000 feet. Chains of mountains traverse the estate; rich in mineral wealtn. The boundaries of the estate extend more than 100 miles -from north to

south, and flourishing farms and large

mining- towns are met at frequent inter vals. . . --: :-

In 1884 the electoral votes in the differ

ent States will consist as follows:

Alabama 10 Nevada , 3

Arkansas 7 North Carolina....... li

nnlifnmia. 8 New York,. 86

Colorado .. 3 New Hampshire.. .

Connacticut....... 0 Delaware r.t.. 3 Horida..:;;... 4 Georgia. 12 Illinois... 2 Indiana 1 Iowa w........ 13 Kansas. 9 Kentucay... 13 Louisiana 8 Maine .' 6 Maryland 8 Massachusetts 14 Michigan - 13 Minnesota 7 Missouri....; W Mississippi 9 Nebraska 5

New Jersey 9 Ohio,..;;.....;.... 23 OreironC 8

Pennsylvania. 30

Rhode Island 4

South Carolina 9 Tennessee 12

Texas 18

Vermont 4

Virginia 12

West Virginia 6

Wisconsin.... 11

Senators 73 Representatives . .325

Total 401

Cold and rainy summers, such as have afflicted England of late years, occurred in the last century, and probably in every century. History repeats itself in weathei as in all else. About 1750 Iiord Chesterfield writes i o his son from Blackheath, near Iiondon, in June, that he is seated beside a blazing fire, and in 1784 Cowper writes to his friend Newton on June 21: "Thi3 unpleasant summer makes me wish for winter. The gloominess of that season is the less felt because expected, and because the days are short. We have now frosty mornings." On July 3 he writes: "Last Saturday the cold was so severe that it pinched off the shoots of our peach trees.

The fashionable people are ranning to buttons. A New York correspondent describes a dress recently finished for a Fifth avenue lady which carries 1,800 buttons, and required the constant labor of a seamstress for ten days to sew them on. On each sleeve there are 100 buttons on the body, basque, and collar 350, and on the skirt 1,350. Those on the skirt are arranged in triangles, squares, crosses, stars, and other curious shapes, on a foundation of black satin. The dress has

a satiny appearance, and is very weighty so much so that it will require a lady of considerable strength to wear it. This may all seem ridiculous, but as long as people will spend their money there is no reason why it shouldn't pay for the employment of the poor.

The increase in the population of the United States "pursuing useful occupations" from 1S70 to 1880 was 39 per cent but the increase in the number of those engaged in agriculture has been only 29.5 while tne number of those in other occupations increased 47.7 per cent. In calling attention to this, the Railroad Gazette says that it is evident that we are becoming more and more a manufacturing people, and that we shall require each year a larger proportion of our farm products for home use, and their carriage will steadily become of less importance to the railroads. While this view is perfectly sound, it is only fair to note the progress of machinery in farming, by which the production per capita of "per sons employed is steadily increasing each year. There is no question that the volume of agricultural products in the United States has increased very much faster than the number of persons employed.

Mb; H. M. Waddle, of Somerset, Ky., is reaching confidently for the champion liar's belt, with good prospects of getting it He rises to say that on his farm a RTfliA of -round thirtv feet in diameter

c .-- - has sunk out of sight. He bases his claim to the belt on the statement that he threw a stone down the opening and "it was two oi three minutes before he heard it strike the bottom." Mr. Waddle, coming as he does from the region of few school-houses, did not know how to construct a scientific lie, and it is to be hoped a generous public will make due allowance for his inexperience in the business. A heavy body, like a stone, is calculated to fall at the -rate of sixteen feet for the first second, thirty-two feet for the second, and doubling the distance each succeeding second. A short ,calculation shows that at the end of the first quarter of a minute that stone would be going down that hole at the rate of 262,144 feet per second, and would have traversed a total distance of 524,272 feet, or about 100 miles. But that, you see, iB only a quarter of a minute. Mr. Waddle says it was two or three minutes before he heard the s"und. Again calculating, we find that at the end of the first half minute the stone would be hurrying right along at the moderate rate of 8,589,534,032 feet per second, having scored a totajj fall of 17,179,868,048 feet, or just 3,435,973 miles and some odd feet. It is apparent from these figures that the hole is certainly quite deep. But Waddle says it was two or three minutes before he heard the stone strike the bottom. Allowing a whole minute for exaggeration arising from excitement, and counting it at two minutes, science would show that, free from the resistance of the air, the stone fell a total distance of -nine hundred thousand millions of miles. Deducting, say four hundred thousand millions of miles for the time occupied in getting back to old Waddle's ear, we have 5,000,000,000,000 miles as the depth of the Kentucky indentation. We woild not have spoken of this matter, but when a Kentuckian stands up and says he can hear the noise of a small stone dropping five thousand millions of miles away, we are disposed to discredit the whole stjry, and would warn our readers not to believe it. Ind. Journal.

Thex are having a real lively time in Newport, Rhode Island, and a couple of the high-toned residents of the city are making a regular circus for the folks to laugr at It seems the two men live neigl ors to each: other, and as s matter of eon :-je, tbecame involved in a dispute about the line fence which separated them. The man who claimed that the f enee encroached three inches on his property nrent out the other morning to tear it down, when his neighbor came out and cooly sitting down on the front steps tnrned the water hose on him and drove him away. The neighbor returned the cold water move with a shower of bricks, but was arrested and conveyed to the station. Before he could, get out his neighbor had repaired the fence, and when he went to tearing the fence down again he found his neighbor on deck with the hose The man with the hose still wears the banner.

WASHINGTON NOTES; Internal revenue receipts the first nine months of the -current0 year, not withr standing all the agitation in Congress, were $2,102,881 more than those of the corresponding period of the previous year. The Treasury Department has made a ruling that the provisions of the new tariff act, amending section 2,510 of the

Revised Statutes, took effect from the

date of the passage of the act This section of the Revised Statutes, as amended by the new tariff act, provides for the free importation of shipbuilding material to be used in the construction of vessels built in the United States for foreign account.

Senator Van Wyck has been urging the

Interior Department to order the immediate sale of the Otoe Indian lands,ra Kansas and Nebraska, notwithstanding the House of Representatives neglected to pass the Senate bill, which was deemed necessarv for a complete sale. The appraisers have finished their task, and value the lands at $4 to $10 per acre. Secretary Teller is satisfied that he can protect all the interests, and the sale will be made about May 1. To judge from the declarations made by t he Star Route jury, they not only expect a hung jury, but some of the principal defendants intend to spend the rest of their days in suing newspapers for libel. It is rumored that Dorsey and Brady are, planning to sue the New York Times. The damage is laid at half a million dollars. Dorsey eays he will spend a good deal of money for what he calls punishing the Times, while Brady expects the government will in some way foot his billB. Attorney General Brewster is said to be preparing an elaborate speech to close the Star Route case; Therumor has been again revived that Mr;-Merrick proposed to withdarw from

J the star-route prosecution, but the report

is not credited, as his contract with the Department of Justice is too fat a take to be relinquished. It is now thought the Btar-route trial will be finished in about four weeks. Commenting on the enormous cost of the prosecution of the starroute cases, Senator Conkling said: "The

A mas who had been in the Michigan penitentiary for twenty-eight years was pardoned the other day by the Governor. He was convicted of murder in the first degree in 1853 and sentenced for life, Out it recently transpired that he was innocent of the crime. A similar case in Illinois was reported some weeks ago. Innocentand the hot iron of injustice has burned to the very bona The victim of such a fate suffers agonies tenfold greater than the felonsi with whom he is forced into companionship. The most vivid imagination can hardly picture the reality of the horrid nightmare experienced by one who is thrust from the world to pass bis days and months and years in a convict's cell. Hope consumed; reputation blasted,a iife wrecked t here is no Samarcand apple for ills like these. Yet the State might do more for 6ucfi a man than

- - i f"Biuuuu ui iuc c-tfceB u cnoy nave

tnar tivthe abseuf.-e of legal responsibility I been prosecuted, at the expense of the

The Commissioner of Internal Bevenue says the allowance of export drawbacks under the pi ovisions of section 3,386 of the Revised Statutes, on all tobacco, snuff cigars and cigarettes, entered for export on aud after the 1st of May 1888, will be limited to the tax on articles of this class in force on that day as follows: On manufactured tobacco, including snuff, 8 cents per pound;on cigars and cigarettessTvcighing over three pounds per thousand, S3 per 1,000, on cigarettes weighing not over three pounds per thousand, 50 cents per 1,000. Secretary Folgcr had a conference with the Director of the Mint and the Hawaiian minister with regard to the request of the Hawaiian government to have its sivlej money coined at the United States

mints. It, was decided to errant the re

quest, and preliminary arrangements for

the coinage will be made at once, The

mint at San Francisco was selected as the

place for coinage. The dies will probabh

be made at the Philadelphia mint. The

Hawaiian silver coins will be of the fol

lowing denominations: Ono dollar, 1ml f-

dollar, quarter-dollar and eighth-dollar.

The new law for the ad just u en t of the

salaries of postmasters, taken in connec

tion with t!jo forthcoming reduction of

letter postage fron 3 to 2 cents, will effect a material change in the pay of postmasters in all small offices, as well as in the

amount of revenue derived from such offices by the government. It is estimated that under the new law, and upon the present volume of business, the aggregaie revenue of the Postoffice Department from the sale of postage stamps of all kinds will be reduced 20 per 'cent. Upon the basis of this estimate, the proportional receipts of the government and postmasters respectively, in the smaller offices, will be changed as follows. In the postoffice, where the" annual revenue from stamps amounts to 50, the postmaster now receives $30 and the government $20; under the new law, for a like amount of business, the postmaster will receive $40 and the government nothing. Similar proportionate changes will be made in the receipts of the government and postmasters, according to the amount of business done, until offices are reach

ed which have gross revenue from stamps

of $250 per annum. In this class of of

fice the postmaster now receives $150 per

annum and the government $100; under

the new law the former will receive $200

and the latter nothing. In offices where

the revenue exceeds that of the class last

mentioned the government begins to de

rive revenue. For instance, in postoffices where the income from stamps amounts

to $400 a year, the postmaster now receives $240 and the gDvernment $160; under the new law the postmaster will receive $272 and the government $48. In offices where the pay of the postmasters from the sale of stamps reaches $800, the increase from the rent of boxes is usually enough to make the compensation of the postmasters $1,000 per year, and when it reaches that amount the office is placed in the third class and the postmaster is then commissioned by the President, with a specified salary, and his pay is no longer determined by the amount of stamps he cancels.

CHILDREN'S RHYMES.

TTIK KNIFE AND 1 OUK- A FATCLF. WITB A SIOKAb-S m AMY E. DUNN.

How Good Country Roads Pay. American Agriculturist. Very few persons take a correct view of the actual profit to farmers of good roads, or of how much they can afford to pay for them. Our daily telegrams from the West supply one hint. All along in Autumn, and not nnfreqnently during the Winter, we can read between the line3 of these dispatches that business is brisk, the markets active, everybody cheerful and hopeful in all departments of trade, manufactures, agriculture, etc., or the reverse of all this, according-to the state of the country roads generally. It is a fact that in some years, for months together, the whole traffic of the country, and the activity and prosperity of all claesee, are largely diminished, and the losses incurred amount to very many millions of dollars, because the condition of the roads stops general intercourse, and practically prevents the marketing of grain and other crops at the proper season.. Another view. Take, for illustration say the 700,000 farms in Illinois, Iowa and Indiana. Suppose that, on the average, frcm one-half of them thi-re are ten loads of grain and other products to be hauled to a market, and of fuel to be brought back, a distance of ten miles on the average we include only, half the farms. Call the cost per load only $2 for man, team and wear of vehicles, when the wagoning is good. If the prairie and other roads are soft, wet and miry, only hah! a load can be takenoften the team can barely draw the empty wagon If

from the condition of the roads the number of loads must be doubled, the aggre gate increased cost amounts to $7,000,000 -or enough to make fourteen thousaud miaes of good roads at ah outlay of 600 on each mile. Another illustration. Take a township of the regular size, six miles square. A road along each section," or square mile, east and west; or north or south, would require 36 miles. Suppose the town voted to expend $200 per mile on these roads, a.ad that this snm would make them fairly available at all seasons. This, if paid down, would amount to $7,200, or 31 If cents per acre for the township. Will anyone question that with good roads, available at all seasons for marketing and bringing home fuel, for town and church going and other travel, all the land in the region would be worth at least $1 more on the acre, or three times' the assessment? On a farm of 100 acres, the tax would be $31.25 not a third of the cost of an extra horse, to say nothing of his keeping. In fact, would it not pay well to expend $600 per mile on all the leading roade,auionnting to $1 per acre? The interest on this would be but $6 or $7 per annum for each 100 acres, and who would not pay that to have good roads always? The Philadelphia ZcoVer says that Mrs, Mary Gravely, Bailey's Crossroads, Buck county, Pn., has a cow which a few months ago had its right front leg cut off below the knee by a railroad train, A veterinary surgeon dressed the wounds and tied up the arteries sq fikillfully that the cow recovered, when a neighbor, a cabinet-maker, made for her a wooden leg, which he strapped on theetump. The cow topped along holding the injured Jeg np for a day or two, but now she has concludto use the wooden attachment, and limps around quite' comfortable upon it, arid seems to be iu good health. Two young ladies of Hhelby county have been indicted for disturjpg a religious service.

A knife nnd ji fork lft the inhh una ilny To walk on tUu (lirmiug-rootii floor, Tl py turned to the rir they turned to the left. They turned ! theditining-room door. "I'm tired of rattling Yf r thono plntos." Said the four-lewd fork to the knife. "Aim! I, "mid Wui knife, have boon viiitingin vain To yet any fun out of lif," "It's Hwful to Imve little Unssosy fcnnds A sticking all vor my htjnd; With ray feet stuck in boiling potatoes and meat. It1 a wonder that 1 nm not d'Bd!" Tws the fork that was talking; but just then knife

rried'Y'mi'veiniUung on earth to lament; 1Tih I who am sluupened with steel and with stone. While yon have jour legs only bent." "I'm pnt through the toughest or tendered moat On hundred ami ono little iripH, While there's hardly a lady of style in the land Would duw touch a kni fe with her lips.". "That's so!" cried the fork, jumping up with a liuigh; " Tip a joke that AmM make aiy life sweet," To know t hat the daintiest lips in the world Wvuld starve without kissing my feet." 40eh! what is theloikes o, ye doin' down here!" Crioc'. the cook, who had just found them out; "I'll rache ye to spile a d.uu' carpet far shore Wid KoattivhV yer grase all about 3 The dif h-panV a waiin' to hero form ye now, I'll jisl drp ye in, in a breath, Wld a noiec hii o' soap to mb in yer eyes; Hiliu' water1!! scald ye to death.",-

MARY SULLIVAN.

About ten years ago there lived in the bottoms along Tradevrater river, in the northern part, of Caldwell comity, two families destined to the most terrible ends the Campbells, HeDly, J, B. and Bndd. and the Snllivans,Tom and his sister Mary. They were considered neither better nor worse thau those about them. They were ignorant and rather shiftless, but so were many others in the neighborhood. Soon, however, the country people round about began to say itrabge things of the girl Mary Sullivan. She was a bright, quick girl of tweuty, with light blue eyee.and a little above the medium in size. No man for miles about could outlift'her. "With gun or pistol she

was a aeaa sno un uuiKeuHujs. mmo

wasn't n iooy in the country who could

ride faster over rougher country, or who

dared to commit half the dare-devil pranks that Mary const antly delighted in. The effect of all this in a quiet neigh

borhood can hardly bo imagined. Mary

Sullivan's name became the by -word for

all that was infamous, and the staid

country matrons frilled, tneir names to sleep with 'stories, of the horrible Mary

and her midnight rides and enmes.

Then minor turned to other things.

Mary was often seen with the Campbell

boys,and once or twice sho w.os seen with them and her brother late at night, dash-

mg at ner tisuai oreaK-uwji ojjwu. ut

the country roads. About this time the most daring robberies began to be com

mitted in the northern end of the comity.

Faimers found their smoke-houses opened night after night. Several stores were

broken into and robbed, and, strange to

say, no one Knew wuo wmuuiucu ! . " j ... j ii.

crimes. One out iarnier oegau w inux

very trebly 9 saying that he recognized Mary Sullivan at the head of the Campbells break into his smoke-house. A day or so afterward Mary galloped up to his house, called him on and asked him what he meant by saying what he did. "Did you see me aud the Campbells at your smoke-house?" asked she, at the same time pulling a big navy revolver and shoving it under his nose. The old man stammered out an apology and was never afterward heard to say a word against the Campbells. The gmig became more and more bold after this and robberies became more frequent. At this time ar event happened which was destined to cause the entire destruction of the band. Mary Sullivan met Crockett Jenkins. The meeting itself was romantic enough to merit being told. Mary was riding along the Tradewater one spring day two years ago when she saw a man on the other side preparing to come over. The water was deep, the little river had been raised by frequent rains; and she yelled over to him not to attempt to cross there. He either did not hear her or paid no attention for he plunged his horse in. The current was too strong for the horse and he soon threw his rider off and tried to save himself. Then with his heavy winter clothes on Jenkins would most certainly have been drowned but for Mary's dashing out into the stream with her horse and rescuing him at the peril of her life. She brought the man up to her brother Tom' 6 to let him dry his clothes. A mutual admiration soon sprung up which soon ripened into love. From that time out Mary Sullivan and Crockett Jenkins were warm lovers. Jenkins, who lived some miles away, moved over to Sullivan's, and the illicit love of the two was the talk of the county. From that time on the gang had no more faithful follower than Crockett Jenkins. After a few months, however,

Jenkins tired of Mary, and began paying

his attention to another woman. For some time Mary was ignorant of what was going on, but when she heard it her jealous hate was terrible. "I will kill Crockett Jenkins if he dares to betiav me," she had said to more than ouo. At length the storm burst. t,)ne night Mary accused Crockett of his infidelity. He laughed at her. She was too excited to get her pistol, but sprang at hifi throat. A struggle followed, and Mary would have strangled him thea and there but for interference. Crockett left the house. Some time beforS this the band had moved up from Tradewater bottoms, and had hired a little grocery some four miles away on a public road leading to Princeton. A day or so after the fuss betweeu Mary and Crockett a crowd of men from Princeton were riding by the little grocery, all drinking very freely, when one of them, in a moment of recklessness, fired off his pistol. The Campbel Is, thinking the mob was on them again, rushed out the grocery and began firing. The men-returned tho shots and theu galloped to town. This created another tempest of excitement, and the next day a mob was got together to exterminate the Campbells. The next night forty men, armed to- the teeth, with masks on t heii faces and hatred in their hearts, swept down the road toward the little log cabin where the Campbells kept their grnggary. The leaders ware picked men, and they were followed by some of tho roost desperate men in the country. It was resolved to do no

half work this time, but to make a sure job of it. At a dead gallop they rushed

up to tho house and in an instant it was surrounded. -The forty men sat on t' eir horses like statues, and each man with a shot gun in his hand, the hammer raised, linger on trigger, ready for work, Preparations were instantly made by the two men in the house for a fight to the death. Quarter was neither asked nor given. The mob opened firo aud the Campbells answered them. Then the firing came thick and fast. A groan came from within, and Reilly Campbell fell in a pool of blood at his brother's feet a cor pee. But Bud stood to his gun, doggedly firing away into the night whenever he saw the Hash of an enemy's gun. How long this wild warfaro nvicht have lasted no man knows.

But Bud's ammunition gave out and his shots became less frequent. The mob closed in on him. Thirty-nine to one, surely it was madness to resist longer. Bud did refist, however, and barricading doors and windows he stood ready with a clubbed gun in his hand to defend his life to the last. Suddenly he began to smell smoke about him. Then he knew

th g horrors of his fate. The mob had fired the cabin. Death by fire within, death b; the bullet without; which would he choose? The smoke became denser; he could hardly grope his way around the room. The blaze was leaping up around him like a wolf. The roof was a mass of fire; then the door was burst op; n, and out of the lire and blinding smoke that man could not breathe and live, out of this very mouth of hell staggered a man with singed clothes and gdmy face and bleared eyes, clinging to the end of a gun. Twenty pistols were leveled at him, but he fell before the hands that were so anxious to pull the triggers could move. A dozen men gathered around him, bound him hand and foot, and dazed and half dead as he was, dragged him down into the woods. A rope was quickly brought,and as the smoke of the burning cabin .floated through the trees it touched and moved the danglin g body of Bud Campbell. Nobody knew where Mary Sullivan was all this time. More than one of the mob afterwards confessed that if Mary had been there the job would not have hpmi such an easv one. A night or two

after some men returning from a visit to a neighbors thought they heard a man's voice pleading with some one for mercy. They were not positive but they thought the person addressed was called "Mary." The next day the lifeless body of Crockett Jenkins was swinging from the limb of a giant oak at the top of a tail hill The moral proof that Mary Sullivan committed' the crime assisted by her mother and sister, seemed to 5e conclusive, but there was no positive proof. And so when Mary and her mother and sister were arrested nothing could bo done to them. They were discharged. One night about ten o'clock some one called her to the door. Her ufual prudence seemed to have deserted her. She did not even take her pistol, which for five years had never left her hand day nor night. She reached the door, opened it and peered out. The night was dark and windy. Heavy, rainy clouds hid everything, and she failed to eee the five men with pistols iu their hands standing in a few feet of her. She opened the door and stepped out. Three strong pair of arms reached out from the darkmsss, and in an instant see was whirled away out to

the public road. She knew what fate lay in store for her, but uttered neither e :- treaties nor threats. She said never a word, but walked quietly along with her captors. They bound her hans and feet and, tossing her over a horse as though she was a mealsack, they joined the mob which was waiting for them on the road, They rode on until Mary recognized with a thrill of horror that they were approaching the place where Jenkins was hung. They halted under the very tree, and the leader, taking a rope from behind, it, sol emnly fastened the naose about the woman's neck. She never flinched. They took her off the horse, dragged her to the tree, threw the rope over the same limb from which Crockett Jenkins had dangled a week before and drew the woman up. The wind moaned, whispering to the trees as it went that a woman's body cold and stiff in death, was swinging from the tallest branches of the old oak tree.

The German Barber. Now York San. "Where is the Monkey Barber?'' "He is lait up from fooling mit an Inglish choke dot kind of a rittle vere von vord means ehoost der same nnd someding different aire tty. Dere comes in a man nnd to me says, You peen marrit, ain't it?' 'Yes,' I says, 'a leetle vonce.' Yen is your vife not a lady haf dex dime?' Yell now I peen pizzy too much to vaste much dalk on such nicker minstrel dings so I says, 'I gif it right avay.' 'Your vife is in der day time a lady,' says he, 'but not at night, pecause offery night she is a-bed.' " "Dot monkey pa rhor he .had to vent nnd fool mit dot choke. He goes right

avay over to der beer saloon und sees der

engineer from der corner arount,unt 6ays to him, Your vife is no lady tint I can brpof it.' Dot chentleman he vent on oncost like a pile drifer, and chumped on der parber's neck and chucked him around vonce. He sent for me, and so soon I reokernizod him, I sayt: " Ah, ha! I dolt you so. - If you fool yourself mit some purns you peen to gatch fire.1 "

The Mutual Insurance Bill. The particular clause of the act regarding mutual insurance corporations hi Indiana, winch is likely to give trouble, is the following provision: "The pr visions of this act shall in no case apply to any secret or fraternal society or lodge or as

sociation which, under the supervision of

a grand r supreme lodge, secures its membership through the" ldge system exclusively, and pr vides insurance to its members." The clause makes no trouble for the insurance departments of the Odd Fellows, Knights of Py thias, or most of the other secret orders, as they are distinct ly under tho control of the several grand or supreme lodges, but the Masonic Mutual Benefit Society, it is thought, would bo obliged to conform to the provisions of the act as to filing a heavy bond or reor. ganizing upon a different basis, as its government is separate and distinct from the Masonic Grand Lodge, although none but Masons can be members. Ex-Senator Ferry will soon sail Ur Europe to spend a venr fur the benefit of his health,

THE BAB BOY.

PockB Sun. "Well, how is the baby," asked the grocery man of the bad boy, as he oarae into the grocery smelling very "horsey and sat down on the chair with tho back gone, and looked very tired. "O, darn the baby. Everybody asks

me about tho baby as though it was mine. I don't pay no attention to the darn thing, except to notice the foolishness going on around the house. Say, I guess that baby will grow up to'be a fire engine. The nurse coupled the baby on to a section of rubber hose that run down in to a bottle of milk, and it began to get up steam and pretty soon the milk began to disappear, just like the water does when a fire engine couples on to a hydrant;. Pa calls the baby 'Old Number

Two.' I am 'Number One,' and if pa had.

a hook and ladder truck and a hose cart, and a fire gong he would imagine he was chief engineer of the fire department But the baby kicks on this milk, wagon milk, and howls like a dog that's got lost The doctor told pa the best thing he could do was to get a goat, but pa said

since we 'nishiated him into the Masons

with the goat he wouldn't have a goat around no how. The doc told pa the other kind of n goat, I think it was a Samantha goat he said, wouldn't kick with it's head, and, and pa sent me up in to the Polack settlement to see if I couldn't borrow a milk goat for a few weeks. I got a wonan to lend us her goat till the baby got big enough enough to chew beef, for a dollar a week, and paid a dollar in advance, and pa went up in the evening to help me get the goat Well it was the damdest mistake you ever see. There was two goats so near alike you couldn't tell which was the goat we leased, and the other goat was the chum of our goat, but it belonged to a Nirish woman. We got a bed cord hitched around the Irish goat, and that goat didn't recognize the lease, and when we tried to jerk it along it rared right up and made things real qtunk for pa; I don't know what there is about a goat that makes him get so spunky, but that goat seemed to have a gindge against pa from the first If there were any places on pa's manly form that that goat did not explore with its head, pa don't know where the places are. O, it lammed him, and when I laffed pa got mad. I told him every man ought to furnish his own goats when he had a baby, and I let go of the rope and started off, and pa said he knew how it was, I wanted him to get killed. It wasn't that, but I saw the Irish woman that owned the goat coming around the corner of the house with a cistern pole. Just as pa was getting the goat out of the gate the goat got cross ways of the gate, and pa yanked and

doubled the goat right up,and I thought

he had broke the goat's neck, and the woman thought so too, for she jabbed pa with the cistern pole just below the belt, and she tried to get a hold on pa's hair, but he had her there. No woman can get the advantage of pa the t way 'cause ma has tried it. Well, pa explained it to the woman, and she let pa off if he would pay her two dollars for damages to her goat, and ho paid it, and then we took the nanny goat, and it went right along with us. But I have got my opinion of a baby that will di ink goat's milk. Gosh, it is like this stuff that comes in a spoilei cocoanut. The baby hasn't done anything but blat since the nurse coupled it onto the goat hydrant I had to take all my playthings out of the basement to keep the goat from eating them, I guess the milk will taste of powder and singed hair now. The goat got to eating

some itoman candles me and my ohuni had laid away in the coal bin,and chewed them around the furnace, and the powder leaked out and a coal fell out of the furnace on the hearth, and you'd a dido to see pa and the hired girl and the goat You see pa can't milk nothing but a milk wagon, and he got the hired girl to milk the goat, and they were just hunting around the basement for the goat, with a tin cup, when' the fireworks went off. Well, there " was balls of green, and red, and blue fire, yud spilled powder blazed up.and the gcr.fe just looked astonished, and looked on as though it was sorry so much good fodder was Bpoiled, but when its hair began to burn, the goat gave one snort and went between pa and the hired girl like it was shot out of a cannon, and it knocked pa over a wash boiler into the coal bin, and the hired girl in amongst the kindling wood, and she crossed herself and repeated the catekiem and the goat jumped up on top of the furnace, and they couldn't get it down. I heard the celebration and went down and took pa by the pants and pulled him out of the coal bin, and he said he'd surrender and plead guilty of being the biggest fool in Milwaukee. I pulled the kindling wood off the hired girl, land then she got mad, and said she would. milk that goat or die. O, that hired girl has got sand She used to work in the glass factory. Well, sir, it was a sight worth two shilling admission, to see that hired girl get up on a step ladder to milk that goat on top of the furnace, with r sitti- onr barreJ of potatoes, bossing the job. They are going to fix a gang plank to get the goat down off the furnace. The baby kicked on the milk last night I guess besides tasting of powder (and burnt hair, the milk was too warm on account of the furnace. Pa has get to grow a new lot of hair on that goat, or the woman won't take it back She don't want no bald goat. Well, they can run the baby and goat to suit themselves, 'cause I have resigned. I have gone into business. Don't you smell anything that would lead you to surmise that I had gone into business? No drugstore this time," and the boy got up and put his thumbs iu the armholes of his vest? and looked proud. "O, I don't know as I smell anything, except the faint odor of a horse blanket What you gone into, anyway,'! and the grocery man put the wrapping paper under the counter, and put the red chalk in his pocket, so the boy couldn't write any sign to hang up outside. "You hit it the first time. I have accepted a situation of teller in a livery stable, said the boy, as he searched around for the barrel of cut sugar, which had been removed. "Teller in a livery stable! Well, that i a new one on me. What is a teller in a live y stable?'' and the grocery man lookpleased, anl pointed the boy to a barrel of seven cent sugar. "Don't you know what a teller is in a livery stable? It is the 6ame fts a teller in a bank, f have to grease the harness es, oil the buggies, and curry off the horses, and when a man comes in to hire a horse I have to go down to the saloon and tell the livery man. That's what a

teller is. I like the teller part of it, but greasing harnesses is a little too rich for my blood, but the livery man says if I stick to it I.' will be governor some day, cause most all great men have begun life taking care of horses. It all depends on my girl whether I stick or not If she likes the smell of horses I Bhall be a statesman, but if she objects to it, and

sticks up her nose, I shall not yearn to le governor, at the expense of my girl.

It bents all, don't it, that wimmen settle every great question. Everybody does everything to please wimmen, and if

they kick on anything that settles it. But I must go and umpire that game between pa and the hired trirl and the goat Say, can't you come over and see the baby ? 'Taint bigger 'than a small satchel," and the boy waited till the grocery man went to draw some vinegar when he slipped out and put up a sign written on a shingle with white chalk, "yellow sand wanted for maple sugar." Some Liars. THK FISH IiIAB Ranks first on the list He goes fishing about once in five years, and spends the rest of the time in lying about what occurred. He caught a bass weighing four-; teen pounds, but the hook broke and let him escape. He had a bite from a pickerel four feet long, but he stubbed his toe and couldn't pull up at the' proper moment He began fishing with minnows for bait, but the fish bit so greedily that he finally tied a horn button tothe hook and pulled 'em out as fast as he could drop the line. He caught an even tubf ul, but while ho was eating the wharf gave away and let the tub and fish into the water. The fish liar can be found sitting on the counter at the grocery of an evening, all wound up and ready to begin business, and nothing lets the sunshine into his life so quick as to get hold of some one who will gasp out occasionally, "My stars! but i3 that possible?' . 5 ME 3TOBSE TjIAR. Stands second on the list He i a man who has had a horse which could go in 2:20. He hasn't sot hifa now, but that doesn't make any difference. He has driven that horse in a race with an express train, and taken first money. And he also had a running horse which once made a dash of twenty-five miles on a bet of 85,000. He hasn't the horse or the money at the present time, but he can give you the names of a dozen leading bank Presidents and Chief justices who saw that dash. The horse liar doesn't stop at lying about his own horees, but he is ready to put in his best licks on horees he never

saw. He is in the confidence of the owners of all the celebratjd equines. In his opinion such a track is short and such a track is long. He doesn't believe that Earns was ever much of a horse, and he

feels that he could drive Goldsmith Maid three seconds faster than she ever recorded. He is the identical man who first saw speed in Flora Temple,and if he had wanted to be mean about it- he could have bought her for $10 and an old plow and made $5,000 out of the trade. He knows all abont spavins, rin'g-bonesypoll-evil, pink-eye and glanders, and he has a sure cure for each one. His seat is on the head oi the second cracker barrel from the stove each evening through the winter, and when he can 'coma across some one who has invested $15 and a cross-cut saw in an old plug of a horse to use in a cider-mill he is in his glory. He knows all about that horse; been an awful good stepper; saw him run away once and killed two women; Rarey tried to tame him but had to give it up; reckon he could go out now and give most of the boys the dust. And so on until the grocer rubs his sleepy eyes, and regretfully says: "Gome, you liars; it's time to lock up anclhvoV."

WALTZING.

A Man Who Never Drinks Water. Crittenden (Ky.) Press, A gentleman of this town having recently made a trip through Webster county tells vs of a man he met who has never taken a drink of water, though now thirty-five years of age. His name is Thos. Lawton, and he is a kinsman of Mr. W. C. Carnahan, of this place, and Mr. Carnahan vouches for the truth of the statement that he never drank water. Mi Lawton says he has no desire whatevei for the purest beverage know to creation; either has he any inclination to partake of it in any of the adulterated forms. He has had i aging fevers and shaking chills, but nothing in his composition calls for a drink. He drinks milk for its nourishing virtues, and coffee as a preventive for painter's colic, for he is a painter by trade. He once dxank some mineral water, taking it as a tonic, but the fluid was so repugnant to his teste that he did not remain long at the springs. His diet consists chiefly of fraits and vegetables; meat he never eats. He has a sister who drinlcs but little water. Effect of Sunlight on Flour. Boston Journal of Cbomistry. It frequently happens that wheat or rye flour, in spite of tho great care in baking, yields an inferior loaf and the failure is commonly attributed to adulteration; but when submitted to investigation neither microscopic nor chemical tests reveal any adulteration. Such flour is returned to the miller or dealer as . unfit for use. The miller says the flour was injured by the heating of the stones, and the dealer attributes the defect to the cirmenmstance that the sun must have shone upon the sacks during transportation. It has been proved by numerous experiments that flour can not bear the action of the sun, even when not exposed directly to its rays. When flour is exposed to the -heat of the sun an alteration takes place in the gluten similar to that produced by the heating of the stones. For this reason it is abvisable that the transportation of flour should take place if possible, on cool days or by night, as well as that flour should be stored in a cool pko?. , -j, . Indiana Crops. The Indiana Farmer, in view of the failure of the Bureau of Statistics or State Board of Agricul'ure, has collated information from every county in Indiana relative to the condition of the crops during the mont h of Maroh. It makes .the fol

lowing average:

Wheat, acres condition Rye, condition Burloy, condition Clover, condition-.. Timothy, condition Horses, condition. ('attle, condition Sheep, condition Hogs, condition Pencil buds alive Apple buds alive Wheat hi prodnoerphand.. Wages of farm hands pr mcnrkV

Per cent, 100 7& 85 81 ......... 91 ft 100 m .07 ,M 36 ......... 32

17

A down the chandelierod saloon. To notes of viol and bassoon. In mazy gossamer they whirl. The eylpfc-like senior and tho jrirl, Abont her form, in dainty pose. His arm i. semi-circle shows; n ; And when the sheltered nook is gained The grace I ul poise isuetiil ietaiuecU As 'neath the senioric ray. Like rosy lights her blushes pi ay, i. '. He reads within her eyes of brown, Waltzrng is better sitting down; ' Harvardjampoon, .

CONDIMENTS.

If I warn not Ozar. I would be attorney for the United States Government in a Star-route case. -A. Romanoff. French tinder difficultiesThe' follow ing dialogue was overheard the other day : He "Amainta, je t'adore." She '-Shut it yourself," Translated from the Omnibus; "Thun-

derwater! What wants your horse in my store?" "Pardon you, sir, the stubid brute has it his . table supposed to be." ; ' "Investigator" -wants to know what is tfood for cabbage worms. Bless your heart, man, cabbage of course. A good, plump cabbage will last several worms a week. His Excellency "You havebrothers?" Captain 1 One, your Excellency." His Ex- ' ceUenoy rIt's curious. I was talking with your sister, and she said she. hod two . brothers. How is that?' A Colorado man was recently killed while gathering a scuttle of coal in his back yard. After a fewheart rendering oc ; curences like this, wives will begin to leain their Jiousohold duties. ' Three hundred and sixty-seven papers.. . remarked.lhat "Wiggins storm has been. . postponed on account of the weather," while 286 merely observed that "Wiggins " lias a fine day for his storm." ' 7 The young lady who made 700 words out of "conservatory" last fall, has eloped We feel sorry for the young man; it is bad

enough where one word brings on another,, but just think of one word bringing .on 7ooi ' . , v. " : ; '.

A small loyf who was playing trueant

the other,' t lay -when asked if he wouldn't get a whipping when he get home, replied; "What is five minutes' Kcking to five hours pf fun?" There is food for reflection in this.

A man at a hotel fell the whole length i

of a flight of stairs. Servants rushed to pick

him up. They asked him if he was hurt? -"No," he replied, "not at alL I'm used to ,

comeing down that way, Xm a hyte-insur-

ance agent. Being caught in a party of friends who were engaged in a "treat" an abstinent New Yorker, when it became his turn,, led " the crowd into a famishing store and ask ded them what they would have. Otoe or--dered a shirt-collar, another took cuffs, a third asked for a scarf-pin, and so on "Hole on heah!" exclaimed a negro ou

trial for stealing a saddled "Hole on heab, Jedge, for Fse gwine ter turn states eyid-' ence right bereHow;ean you turn state's evidence when you are the only one conoerned?" atked the Judge. "Don't make no difference. I'se gwine to turn state's evidence rigbi heah, an'doan yer self commence ter forget uVEf I turn dat evidence an' show ysr 'xactly who stole de saddle, . yeT'll 'low me to go about my business r won't yer, judge?" "Certainly, sir; it you turn stated evidence and tell us exactly who committed the thief, the law will grant you liberation? "AH right; heah's fur de state's evidence. I stole de saddle myself, an' ar good day, gen'leman," and he walked out of the court room before the officers could sufficiently recover from their surprise to detain him. ; v

Scheme of Creation. Every bexng exists not only for himself, but forms necessarily a portion of a great whole, of which the plan and the idea go infinitely beyond; it, and in which it is destined to play a part It is thus that inorganic nature exists not only for itself

but to serve as a basis for the life of the plant and t ie animal;, and in their service it performs functions of a kind greatly superior to those assigned to it by the laws which are purely physical and chemicaL In the same manner all nature, our globe, admirable as is its arrangement, is not the final end of creation; but it x-the condition of the existence of man. It serves as ar instrument' by which his" education is acoomplishedv and performs in his service functions more exalted and . more noble than its own nature, and for which it wes made. . It in, then, thesuperior being that solicits, ep to speak, the creation of the inferiorbeing, and assooi ates it to his own functions; and it is correct to say ;hat inorganic nature is made for organnajd nature, and the wbole globe for man, as both are. made for' God, the origin and wd of all things. ' ' Swinbu roe Mistaken for an Idiot Chicago Tribme. , Wilde told an interesting- story of Swinburne. He is a famous swimmer,, and delights in the water as Byron did. One mornmg he went bathing at the Isle of Man, where he stopped at the time,and swam directly to the east, the glorious sun in his face. After swimming an hour he suddenlv came to his senses,and found . himself very tired and nearly out of sight of the island. He turned about and was almost in despair of reaching land, when a fishing smack was hauled to, and he was pulled aboard, breathing hard. He jumped up on the prow, swung hie armsr s . to keep the blood in circulation, and . broke put into a declamatory recitation of the "Aja r" of Sophocles, in the original Greek. As the fishermen turned landward with then- naked passenger he hurled-the tragedy at them with jdl his force of elocution and gesticulation. They stared at him and were awe-struck. When they had gained the pier the master of fche b oat recovered voice, shouting to those on shore, "Here we come agin, and we've .fetched a jibberin'- id jit for, A Professional F logger. ' St. Louis Po it Dispatch. .... . ' . . v;. The following is from the sworn statement of W. H. Bradbury, "governor'' of the Missouri penitentiary:- "O, well! -talk about blood running down -well, t have whipped more men, I guess, than any man on earth (an exalted distinction) and I have never seen no blood run down. I have hoard all about blood running down to the heels and over the shoe tope, and every! hing like that ; It is the rarest thing in the world to see a trickling of blood; it just raises a red stripe, and it is just aocoriing to the application or the skin that it does that; if I had a light, thin-skinned fellow know how to whip him;, I would not lay it on to him -a light tap will hurt him as much as a rough whipping will do wiih a man that has got hidr on hjbr baek. Theimoment 1 take the shirt off a. man . I ta" bow tt)

$n whip him'