Semi-weekly Independent, Volume 2, Number 38, Plymouth, Marshall County, 21 March 1896 — Page 3

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THE WINTER BLASTS.

flEV. DR. TALMAGE SHOWS HOW TO WARM THE WORLD. A Unique Text and a Powerful Fcr iiutn-Tlic F.ffect of the Untimely Cold Warmth of the Church of tiod The World's Firco'.aee. Our Weekly Sermon. The freezing Masts which have swept over the country at tie time wo expected prii;g weather make this svrmon especialiy appropriate. Dr. Talmaso's text was Psalm xlvii., 17. "Who can stand before his cold?" The almanac says t!i;i winter is ended and spring has o.ine. hut the winds, and 1 rests, r.nd the thermometers, in some l;ics t zero, deny it. The psalmist lived in a more genial climate than this, nii.l jet he must sometimes have been cut by the sharp weather. In this chapter he speaks of the snow like wool, the frost like :.shes, the hailstones like marbles, and Jes ribon the concealment of lowest teinIerature. We have all studied the power of the heat. How few of us have studied the power of the frost? "Who can stand b-fore his cold;" This challenge of the text lias many times been a. i-epted. ;t. P.). 1M1 Napoleon's great army l'eu;.n its retreat from Moscow. One hundred and lift j' thousand men, ."UK0 Iior-cs. '( pieces of f-an:ion. Io.imn straggler.-. It was blight weather when they st;ir:e.l from Moscow, but s.on something wrathier than the Cossacks swooped upon the.r thinks. An army of arctic blasts witi. icicles for hayor.er.-t and hailstones for shot, and om.manded by voice of tempest. i.ianhe.1 after th'in. the Hying ar-ti!e-ry of the heavens in pursuit. The tn.eps at nightfall would gather into circles and huddle themselves together for warmth, but when the day broke they ro- not, lor thej- wer. dead, and the rai:s came for their morning meal of c i.-e-s. The way was strewn with the ric.'! stuffs of the east, brought as booij-fr-in the Russian capital. An invisible pov. . seized Kwt.OOO m"n and hurled th-m dead into the snowdrifts and on the lifrd surfaces of the eh;!! rivers and into tie maw of the dogs that had followed them from Moscow. The feezing horror hl- h Las appalled history was proof to all aces that it is a vain thing for an' earthly power to accept the challenge of my text. "Who could stand before Ids cull!:" In the middle of December, 1777, at Valley Irge. ll.iHHi troops were, with fro:i-d cars and frosted hands and frosted fee:, without shoes. wi!i ut blankets, lying n the white pillow of the snowbank. Priuid Horrors. A during our civil war the cry was, 'Mir. to Ki. hnioiid !' v.hen the troops were rit ;eady to march, so in t ho Revolutionary war there was a demand for wintry cm paign until Washincton lost his oquilihriutu and w rote emphatically, "I assure th. se gentlemen it is easy enough seated by a coo.l fireside and in comfortable h' ii.es to draw out campaigns for the Ai;. riean army, but I tell them it is not fso ;;sy to lie ou a bleak hillside, without blankets and without shoes." Oh, the frigid horrors that gathered around the Amcriean army in the winter of 1777! Valley Forge was one of the tragedies of the '-cnturj'. Benumbed, senseless, dead! "Wuo can stand before his etddV" "Not wo." say the frozen lips of Sir John l'i:.:iklin and his men. dying in arctic exploration. "Not we," answer Sehwatka and his crew, falling back from the fort-re-cs of ire which they had tried in vain to capture. "Not we," say the abandoned and crushed decks of the Intrepid, the Resistance and the .Teannette. "Not we," Bay the procession of American martyrs returned home for American sepulture. De Poi.c and his men. The hiebest pillars of the earth are pillars of ice Mont Blanc, Jungfrau, the Matterhorn. The largest galleries of the world are galleries of ice. Home of the mighty rivers much of the yer.r are in captivity of ice. The greatest sculptors of the ages are glaciers, with nrm and hand and chisel and hammer of lee. The cold is imperial and has a crown of glittering crystal and is seated on a throne of ice, with footstool of ice and Rentier of ice. Who can tell the sufferings of the winter of 14.".". when all the birds of Germany perished, or the winter of 1CS in Ihigland. when the stages rolled on the Thames and temporary houses of merchandise were built o:i the ice, or the winter of 1S1"1 in America, when New Y.rk harbor was frozen over and the heaviest teams crossed on the ice to Staten Island? Then come down to our own winters, when there have been so many wrapping themselves in furs, or gathering themselves around fires, or thrashing their arms about them to revive circulation the millions of the temperate and the arctie zones who are compelled to confess, "None of us can stand before his cold." Kirclt'Hs Honte. One half of the industries of our day are employed in battling inclemency of the weather. The furs of the north, the cotton of the south, the llax of our own fields, the wool of our own llocks, the coal from our own mines, the wood from our own forests, nil employed in battling these inclemencies, mid still every winter, with blue Iii nnd chattering teeth, answers, None of ns can stand before his cold." Now. this being such a cold world, tiod sends out intluciices to warm it. I am glad that the Cod of the frost is the Cod of the heat; that the Cod of the snow is the Cod of the white blossoms; that the Cod of January is the Cod of June. The question as to how shall we warm this world up is a question of immediate and all encompassing practicality. In this rone and weather there are so many fireless hearths, so many broken window panes, so many defective roofs that sift the htiow. Coal and wood and flannels and thick coat are better for warming up such a place than tracts ami Bibles ami creeds. Kindle that lire where it has gone out; wrap something around those shivering limbs; shoo those bare feet; hat that bare head; coat that bare back; sleeve that bar arm. Nearly all the pictures of Martha Washington represent her in courtly dress as bowed to b.v foreign embassadors, but Mrs. Klrklaiid, in her interesting look, gives a more inspiring portrait of Martha Washington. She comes forth from her husband's hut in the encampment, the lint Pi feet long by II feet wide-she comes forth from that hut to nurse the si' k, to sew the patched garments, to con-sob-the soldiers dying of the cold. That is a better picture of Martha Washington. Hundreds of garments, hundreds of tons of coal, hundreds of glaziers at broken window sashes, hundreds of whole soulcd n: n and women, are necessary to warm the wintry weather. What are we doing to alleviate the condition of those not so fortuuate as we? Know ye not, my

friends, there are hundreds of thousands of people who cannot stand before his cold? It is useless to preach to bare feet, and to empty stomachs, nnd to .jaunt vis

ages. Christ gave the world a lesson in common sense when, before preaching the gospel to the multitude in the wilderness, he gave them a good dinner. When I was a lad, I remember seeing two rough woodcuts, but they made more impression upon me than any pictures I have ever seen. They were ou opposite pages. The one woodcut represented the coming of the snow in winter and a lad looking out at the door of a great mansion, and he was all wrapped in furs, and his cheeks were ruddy, and. with glowing countenance, he shouted, "It snows! It snows!" On the next page there was a miserable tenement, and the door was ojen, and a child, wan and sick and ragged and wretched, was looking out, and he said, "Oh, nij Cod, it snows!" The winter of gladness or of grief, according to our circumstances. But, my friends, there is more than one way of warming up this cold world, for it is a cold world in more respects than one. and 1 am here to consult with you as to the best way of warming up the world. I want to have a great heater introduced into all your churches and all your homes throughout the world. It is a heater of divine patent. It has many pipes with which to conduct heat, and it has a door in which to throw the fuel. Once get this heater introduced, and it will turn the arctic zone into the temperate, and the temperate into the tropics. It is the powerful heater; it is the glorious furnace of Christian sj'inpathy. The question ought to be. instead of how much heat can we absorb. How much heat can we throw out? There are men who go through the world floating icebergs. They freeze everjthing with their forbidding look. The hand with which they shake jours is as cold as the paw of a polar bear. If they float into a religious meeting, the temperature drops fn m JSD above to 10 degrees below zero. There are icicles hanging from their eyebrows. Thej- float into a religious meeting, and thej- chill everything with their jeremiads. Cold prayers, odd songs, cold greetings, cold sermons. Christianitj- on ice! The church a great refrigerator. Christians gone into winter quarters. Hibernation! On the other hand, there are people who go through the world like the breath of a spring morning. Warm greetings, warm prayers, warm smiles, warm Christian inlluenco. There are such persons. We bless Cod for them. We rejoice in their companionship. The Good Samaritan. A general in the English army, the army having halted for the night, having lost his baggage, lay down tired and sick without any blanket. An ollicer came up and said: "Why, you have no blanket. 111 go and get you a blanket." He doparted f'p a few moments and then came back ami covered the general up with a very warm blanket. The general said: "Whose blanket is this?" The ollicer replied. "I got that from a private soldier in the Scotch regiment, Ralph McDonald." "Now," said the general, "you take this blanket right back to that soldier. He can no more do without it than 1 can do without it. Never bring to me the blanket of a private soldier." I low many men like that general would it take to warm the world up? The vast majority of us are anxious to get more blankets, whether anybody else is blanketless or not. Look at the fellow feeling displayed in the roeky dehle between Jerusalem and Jericho in Scripture times. Here is a man who has been set upon by the bandits, and in the struggle to keep his property he has got wounded and mauled and stabbed, and he lies there half dead. A priest rides along. He sees him and says: "Why, what's the matter with that man? Why, he must be hurt, lying on the flat of his back. Isn't it strange that he should lie there? Rut I can't stop. I am on my way to temple services. do along, you beast Carry me up to my temple duties." After awhile a Levite comes up. He looks over and says: "Whj-, that man must be very much hurt. Cashed on the forehead. What a pity! Tut, tut! What a pity! Icy, thej- have taken his clothes nearly all away from him. Rut I haven't time to stop. I lead the choir up in the temple service. Co along, you beast. Carry me up to my temple duties. After uwhile a Samaritan comes along one who you might suptiose through a national grudge might have rejected this poor wounded Israelite. Coming along, he sees this man and says: "Why, that man must be terribly hurt. I see by his features he is an Israelite, but he is a man. and he is a brother." "Whoa!" savs the Samaritan, and he gets dow n off the beast and comes up to this wounded man, gets down on one knee, listens to see whether the heart of the unfortunate man is still beating, makes up his mind there is a chance for resuscitation, goes to work at him, takes out of his sack a bottle of oil and a bottle of wine, cleanses the wound with some wine, then pours some of the restorative into the wounded man's lips. then takes some oil, and with it soothes the wound. After awhile lie takes off a part of his garments for a bandage. Now the sick and wounded man sits up, pale and exhausted, but very thankful. Now the good Samaritan says, "You must get on my saddle, and I will walk." The Samaritan helps and tenderlj steadies this wounded man until he gets him on toward the tavern, the wounded man holding on with the little strength he has left, ever and anon looking down at the good Sa maritan and saying: "You are very kind I had no right to expect this thing of a Samaritan when I am an Israelite. You are very kind to walk and let me ride." Christian Sympathy. Now thej- have come up to the tavern The Samaritan, with the help of the land lord, assists the sick and wounded man to dismount and puts him to bed. The Bible says the Samaritan staid all night. In the morning, I suppose, the Samaritan went in to look how his patient was am ask him how lie passed the night. Then he comes out. the Samaritan comes out and says to the landlord: "Here is money to pay that man's board, and, if his con valescence is not as rapid as I hope for, charge the whole thing to me. Cood morn ing. all." He gets on the beast and says "Co along, you beast, but go slowly, for those bandits sweeping through the lam ma.v have somebody else wounded am half dead." Sympathy! Christian sym pathy! How many such men as that would it lake to warm the cold world up Famine in Zarepthath. I! rcry thing driei up. There is a widow with a son ami no food except a handful of meal. Sh is gathering sticks to kindle a fire to cook the handful of meal. Then sin; is going to wrap her arms around her boy ami du Here comes Elijah. His two black ser vants, the ravens, have got tired waiting on him. He asks that woman for food Now that handful of meal is to be divide into three parts. Before it was to be di vided iuto two parts. Now she iaya to

Elijah, "Come In and sit down at this solemn table and take a third of the last morsel." How many women 'ike that

would it take to warm the cold world up? Warmed by Christ. It was his strong sympathy that brought Christ from a warm heaven to a cold world. The land where he dwelt had a serene skj-, balsamic atmosphere, tropical j luxuriance; :o storm blasts in heaven; no chill fountains. On a cold December i night Christ stepped out of a warm heaven j into the world's frigidity. The thennein , i eter in Palestine never drops below zero, , ut December is a cheerless month, and : the pasturage is very poor on the hilltops, j Christ stepped out of a warm heaven into j the cold world that cold December night. ; The world's reception was cold. The surf , of bestormed Galilee was cold. Joseph's j sepulcher was cold. Christ came, tne great warmer, to warm the earth, and all ; . - . - . T V ' Christendom to-daj- feels tue glow, lie w ill keep on warming the earth until tho tropic will drive awav the arctic and tho antarctic. He gave an intimation of what ic was going to do w hen he broke up the funeral at the gate of Nain and turned it into a reunion festival, and when, with his warm lips, he melted the Galilean hurri cane and stood on the deck and stamped his foot, crying, "Silence!" and the waves crouched, and the tempests folded their wings. Oh, it was this Christ who warmed the chilled disciples when thej- had no food bjgiving them plcntj- to eat and who in th tomb of Lazarus shattered the shaeklea until tho broken links of the chain of death rattled into the darkest crypt of the mausoleum. In his genial presence tho girl who had fallen into the lire ami tho water is healed of the catalepsy, and tho withered arm takes muscular, healthy action, and the ear that could not hear an avalanche catches a leaf's rustle, and the tongue that could not articulate trills a quatrain, and the blind eye was rcillumincd, and Christ, instead of staving three days and three nights in the sepulcher, as was supposed, as soon as the worldly cur tain of observation was dropped began the exploration of all the underground pass ages of earth and sea, wherever a Christian's grave ma.v after awhile be, and started a light of Christian hope, which shall not go out until the last cerement taken oil and the last mausoleum breaks open. Ah. I am so glad that the Sun of Right eousness dawned on the polar night of tho nations! And if Christ is the great warm er, then the church is the great hothouse. with its plants and trees and fruits of righteousness. Do j-ou know, my friends, that the church is the institution that proposes warmth? I have been for twenty-seven years studying how to make tho hutch warmer. Warmer architecture, warmer hymnology, warmer Christian salutation. All outside Siberian winter we must have it a prince's hothouse. Tho only institution on earth to-daj- that pro poses to make the world warmer. Universities and observatories, they all have their work. Thej' propose to make tho world light, but thej- do not propose to make the world warm. Geology informs us. but it is as cold as the rock it hammers. The telescope shows where tho other worlds are, but an astronomer is ehilleil while looking through it. Chris-tianitj-tells us of strange combinations and how inferior affinity may be overcomo b.v superior nihility, but it cannot tell how all things work together for good. Worldlj- philosophy has a great splendor, but it is the splendor of moonlight on an iceberg. The church of God proposes warmth and hope warmth for the expectations. warmth for the sympathies. Oh, I am. so glad that these great altar tires have been kindled. Come in out of the cold. Come in and have j-our wounds salved. Como and have your sins pardoned. Come in by the great gospel fireplace. The World's Fireplace. Notwithstanding nil the modern inven tions for heating 1 tell yon there is nothing so full of geniality nnd sociability as the old-fo'.Honed country fireplace. Tho neighbors wtre to come in for a winter evening of sociability. In the middle of the afteriion, in tho best room in tho house, some one brought in n great backlog, with great strain, and put it down on the back of the hearth. Then the lighter wood was put on, armful after armful. Then a shovel of coals was taken from another room and put under the dry pile, and the kindling began, and the crackling, and it rose until it became a roaring flame, which filled all the room with geniality and was reflected from the family pictures on the wall. Then the neighbors came in two bj- two. They sat down, their faces to the fire, which ever and anon was stirred with tongs and readjusted on the andirons, and there were such times of rustic repartee and story telling and mirth as the black stove and blind register never dreamed of. Meanwhile the table was be ing spread, and so fair was the cloth and so clean was the cutlerj- they glisten and glisten in our mind to-day. And then the best luxury of orchard ami farmyard was roasted nnd prepared for the table to meet the appetites sharpened by the cold ride. Oh, my friends, the church of Jesus Christ is the world's fireplace, and the woods are from the cedars of Lebanon, and the fires are fires of love, and with the silver tongs of the altar we stir the flame and the light is reflected from all the family pictures on the wall pictures of those who were here and are gone now. Oh, come up close to the fireplace. Have j-our worn faces transfigured in the light. Rut your cold feet, weary of the journey, close up to the blessed conflagration. Chilled through with trouble nnd disappointment, come close up until j'ou can get warm clear through. Exchange experience, talk over the harvests gathered, tell all the gospel news. Meanwhile the table is being spread. On it bread of life. On it grapes of Fsheol. On it new wine from the kingdom. On it a thousand luxuries celestial. Hark, as a wounded hand raps on the table and a tender voice comes through saying: "Come, for all things are now ready. Fat, oh, friends! Drink, yea, drink abundantly, oh, beloved!" My friends, that is the way the cold world is going to be warmed up by the great gospel fireplace. All nations will come in and sit down at that banquet. While I was musing the lire burned. "Come in out oX the cold! Come in out of the cold!" New German Comedy. A new German comedy with a satiric barb to it was brought out at the Irving Flare Theater, New York, the other night. It is by Robert Misch, and !a called "Nachruhm," ami gives the story of an unappreciated composer, who is suposcl to be di'ad, ami at once becomes the rage, and returns from foreign parts to find that Le is famous. New York has au Irish population of Hx,418, the largest of auy city in the United States.

1 feöPLlSS jrooHind

THE MASK IS OFF. TIIK New York Chamber of Commerce is to inaugurate at once a campaign in favor of the single gold standard. The special committee appointed by the chamber some time ago to consider the ways and means mvessaVy to control legislation In the interest of the British gold standard met recently and outlined a policy to be followed by the Chamber id Commerce during the coming presidential campaign. . A resolution was presented by a Mr. Schwab to the effect "that the agitation in favor of the maintenance of the present standard of value and against the free coinage of silver should be prosecuted with vigor," and was adopted. A resolution was also adopted to refer the Schwab resolution to the executive committee, with the recommendation that that committee "prepare and submit to the Chamber of Commerce an address inviting the cooperation of all commercial bodies and of all business men in the movement to secure the adoption b.v the national conventions of both parties of unequivocal declarations in favor of the nia'wileiiance of the present standard of value." Chairman Hcntz of the special committee told a reporter that he had been assured personallj' by Mr. Carlisle that "he hoped there would be no

THE SHEEP'S CLOTHING FALLS AT LAST.

j0 jjl iff Wf5aC I) rj A 5

FiKiner Now I've got you without jour for the past three years and have nearly anj- more we'll just get rid of j ou now. straddling of the financial problem bj' the two great political parties, but thr.t each party would lxddly take the bull by the horns and adopt the only safe policy that favoring Till GOI.D STANDARD, for the nation to pursue." All this ought to be explicit enough to satisfy the people as to the real aims ami purposes of the money power, and as to the real policy advocated bj- its agents aud instruments in business and official life. It is to be observed that the New York Chamber of Commerce and all its connections, and even Mr. Carlisle, who was so rampant a free-coinage man a few years ago, have decided to throw off the mask entirely. We do not per--eive in the resolutions we have quoted any humorous reference to "sound" money, and as for "bimetallism," American or international, that has been thrown into the trash barrel. The contest that is now on is declared lj these agents and representatives of tho money iower to be a contest in favor of the British gold standard and against the free coinage of silver. It is a. very hopeful sign that the New York Chamber of Commerce and Secretary Carlisle have thrown aside the thin mask of international bimetallism. It is a sign that these men and the elements behind them have come to the conclusion that the honest voters of the country are not stupid enough to be deceived any longer by the talk about "international bimetallism." Four j ours ago there was not a prominent man in the country, nor a Government official, nor a candidate for office, nor a newspaper editor, who woidd admit that be was in favor of the single gold standard. All the arguments of the free coinage men were admitted being, Indeed, unanswerablebut the people were informed that to postpone free coinage would result In bringing alnnit an international agreement and the reopening of the mints of Furope and this country to the free coinage of silver. The people ought to be thankful that shylockism has arrived at that stage of its career in this country where it feels justified in throwing off tho mask behind which it has carried out its sinister designs of demonetization and currency contraction, and in laying aside the cloak under which it has been parading for twenty odd years. The people ought to be even more thankful that the money power has at last concluded to send its liars and its hypocrites to the rear anil to go before the voters of the countrj' on an issue about which there can be no mistake. An issue that is boldly made can be boldly met, and the people the honest voters of the country In the campaign that shylockism lias begun, will have the advantage of knowing who and what they are fightiug against. The situation will be

very embarrassing for some of those ollicious and official statesmen who went about in declaring for free coinage, who a little later bellowed about "international bimetallism," and who are now cooing and cuckooing about "sound" money. Rut thej- will have to put up with it. They cannot escape the deep pit into which official cuckooism is leading them. Thej- will either have to stand with the people against the gold standard and currency contraction, or they will have to stand with the money power in favor of the policy that the people abhor because it is the policy of ruin. The issue has been made a long time, but now, for the first time, the money power has acknowledged it and has announced that it proposes to declare in favor of the British gold standard and ounvnej- contraction. Such a declaration would be infinitely preferabb to hypocritical evasion and dodging, or to double-dealing. For the voters could then go to the polls with their eyes open and with a full understanding of what their ballots meant. The man who goes to bed in a mudhole knows that he is going to get up dirty the next morning. Ho is not deceived about the matter. He knows what to expect. Atlanta Constitution.

Silver Not Dead. The Record is in receipt of the following letter: "To the Fdilor: Western people disguise! You've done enough damage bankrupted us all; but you can't fool us watched with great interest the coupon voting contest of the Record some months ago when silver sentiment scored a big victory over gold in Chicago. Bj- the Record's figures there were two to one of Chicago's voters in favor of bimetallism. A canvass of South Bend, Ind., bj a correspondent showed ISO in a total of 215 business men to be In favor of silver. In fact, every time the Record has published anything to show sentiment silver has scored a winning. Now, in view of these facts, what basis is there for the 'direct and implied assertions in the Record and in other papers that the silver issue is dead everywhere except in the mining States V IIow can we reconcile actual figures in favor of silver and the random but emphatic statements that the silver right is over and past? If silver is dead how can we account for the Chicago vote, the South Rend record, etc.? If it is not dead, upon what foundation do the requiem editorials rest? The West would like to know which j correct, the figures or the assertions? "JOHN W. PACK. "Columbia Falls, Mont." Of course silver is not "dead," and the Record's correspondent labors under a misapprehension in supposing that the Eastern and Middle-Western observers of the situation think it is dead. The late episode in the Senate is only one of many signs showing that the political leaders apprehend a sovere contest on this issue. Neither silver people nor anti-silver people Avill deny that silver promises to be an issue of the first importance in the strategies of the coming campaign. Chicago Record. A Hazardous l'xperiiiient. As there is no possibilitj- of securing a return to bimetallism with the present President ami Congress, wouldn't it be just as well for the silver men in Congress to let the gold bugs, who are in control, have their way undisputed? Nothing so soon shows the weakness of any system ns its unobstructed operation. Just let the gold bugs have rope enough and they will hang themselves. Milwaukee News. The trouble with the suggestion of the News is that the ( haps who especially need the hanging are the very ones who would escape. If allowed to have their own waj completely they might so fasten the gold standard upon us that nothing short of revolution would enable the people to ever break its bonds. The experiment would be too hazardous. Ret ns curb the gold power at every oiiit. In that waj the final victory will be the more easily won. The annual profus of the Suez Canal amount to $S.(MH).hmi. and the ships using it save $lo,(XHUKo a year after pay ins the toils.

HC WAS NOT AT HOME.

Sot liven ThoiiRli the Collector Had Just Talked with Him. The death of Tom Ilannum, one time A well-known habitue of the press galleries on both sides of the Capitol, was sinccrcl.v deplored among old-tima ruenibers yesterday, and some amusing anecdotes were told of the popular newspaper man by bis friends in the Course of the day. One of the best ii ivorth repeating. Ilannum was in the habit of taking a late breakfast at the Press Club every morning. On one occasion, while he was vigorously discussing a hearty repast of bam and eggs, a bill collector suddenly walked up to Haunum's sida and laid his account before him. Ilannum looked at the bill and then at the collector, and in a deliberate tone began: "You blamed fool, can't you observe the amenities of ordinary civilized society? Don't you know that a man's club is like his home, and that you are in danger of being summarily ejected for coining in here without a card of membership and without being intpduced'r The rules of this club reojiiie that if you have business with a member you wait in the lobbj- outside until a waiter takes in your card and ascertains whether the gentleman with whom j'ou have business is present. Now, you go out into the lobby take this bill with you and comply with the rules of this club." The collector apologized for the infraction of the rules of the Press Club, which, to tell the truth, were never enforced on anything, and waited until the steward came to ascertain his wishes. "Please announce me to Mr. Ilannum." said the collector. The steward told him to wait, and he carried the man's card to Ilannum, who looked at it carel'ull then banded it back to the steward, and said: "Not at home." Washington Tost. A Wont-' Boat." The passion for any science m iv make a man hopelesslj- one-sided. Harper' Drawer tells of an old professor in Middletown, Connecticut, whose love for philologj- was such that he often disregarded the broader principles of language in a minute search for the particles binding an ordinary English word to its Atwan or Assyrian ancestor. While this was a source of exquisit pleasure to the good Doctor Dryasdust, it caused his claws a groat deal of discontent. Finally one of the boldest of the students resolved to give the doctor a hint. With mock modesty he roso and said, quietly: "Dew-tor. I have been thinking a good deal lately upon the derivation of the word 'Middlctow n.' What is your own idea of it?" "Ahem!" said the doctor. "Really, sir. I am afraid that is a -uhjeet which will require much concentrated reflection. Now might I ask. sir, whether you have discovered any light on it?" "Oh, yes," said the young man, with a demure smile. "It Is m.v linn lelief, sir, that Middletowu is derived from Moses." "Why, bless my soul: exclaimed the doctor, with a hasty glance over his spectacles, to assure himself that the young man was in earnest. "And pray, sir, how do you derive Middletowu from Moses?" "Easily enough, doctor." replied the student. "Bj dropping 'oses' and adding 'iddletow nr " Kiglit Hours on a I'lywtiecl. In the Leedom Carpet Mills of Bristol, l'a., is a white cat. which has long been a pet of the employes in the institution and has done many remarkable thinjis. The feat for which it will lielongest remembered, however, was performed the other day. Some time in the earl.v morning the cat crawled into the engine-room and went to sleep in the big llj'-wheel. The machinery was started about 1 a. m. The engineer and liremau. as the wheel revolved, noticed something white clinging to the inside, but supposed it to be a piece of paper. Wnen the wheel stopped at ' p. in. the cat rolled to the floor. It seemed dazed for a few minutes, but won recovered its bearings ami has seemed none the worse for its long ride a matter of over -oo miles, as the wheel is fourteen feet in diameter and makes eighty revolutions a minute. Horror? of Wajiipr. The rarisi'an wits are reviving an old story about the wonderful cure from deafness of a patient who was recommended to go to hear "Lohengrin." nnd to sit near the orchestra, by the trombones. The doctor accompanhil his patient, ami sat beside him. All of a sudden, while the noise of the instruments was at its loudest, the deaf man found he could hear. "Doctor." he almost shrieked. "I can hear." The doctor look no notice. "I tell you. doctor." repeated the man. In ecstasy, "you have saved me. I have recovered my hearing." Still the doctor was silent. He had become (leaf himself. Water 1'or the West. That characteristic rallying cry of the great West "Let's irrigate" is lieing put to practical use now every day in the development of the countrj'. The latest scheme proposed is the watering of LiMKUU" acres or arid land in Colorado, w hich the Government offers to give the Stale on condition it receives the proper irrigation. There np-M-ars to be pleniy of iiionej- for the venture, and enough settlers io occupy great sections of the land, but there is doubt if a large enough supply of water can 1m secured to reclaim so large an amount of land. Springfield Republican. Investigation seems to establish that woman will rave more over an actor ihau over her pastor. . .