Semi-weekly Independent, Volume 2, Number 36, Plymouth, Marshall County, 14 March 1896 — Page 6

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A FAEAN TO THE PUMPKIN.

How dear to my hosrt 7 the old yellow pumpkin When orchards are barien 't stuiTin' for pi.: "When poach r, and api!" Have both been a failure. And berries of :i kind Have greet-1 oar eyes; How fondly we turn To the fruit ( t!i . rntieM; Only fools these lespie. The old yellow pnv.ipkiu. The mud -covered pumpkin, 71 o bis-beliied pumpkin. That makes si. oh g.od pie-. -L ü rille I etn . -era t. LOVE AND JOY. If ere was one thin in all her cxpe; ' 'i r. that Susanna Mortm was Jir:;:::.'y tired of it was the evident ni f.i:t;nuotis purpose of tuankind to lmi .: her to remain a spinster. Itzc. she had boon one so long it wo;. If: -oem that she should have bocon i; :..ous'omd to it. hut by some :r:-,rv- fatality women, th.at is. the ma.i' -Ay of women, never nen-pt their lot :: :his form with ealm resignation and ..'.autiful Christian spirit which has "en for thorn tin- endearing . title of vr gentler sex. At:.; Siisnnna Morton Jiad put up with It T -s r -r Ions as he was going 1. I'. : leap year- had passed her by an-: - . had submitted gracefully, but caei' yt ru less gracefully than she had dt.- i.o year previously. ;uid there wc.f t.omonts in the lat of the four wli- -he became almost lesperate Now :hat a fifth baa come her mind w.ts ?r :e.le up. She would take the. reins of .':;pll in her own bands .and drive thft! i v. rum-sen rum liltle rascal in a ' mnr.r. r to suit herself. She knew her iro.-ü T.cints, one of wh'nh was that ehr -t.s "." j oars old or thereabouts, am, j obsessed a pose rnd 'oalanee no jt:.u. who was looking fos a real sensible :fe eoubl afford to lisrega rl. In mh'.: en to this she had- what men solder.disregard a comfortable fortune. I: was fortune that bad leen the reul fttiu.Lüng block itt the matrimonial pair, of Susanna, ami not any lack of Otirr.rtivc qualities in her possession, for he was not homely nor was she tinyrting but charming. The fortune, liowMor, which was hers from her six-tf-T.Tii birthday, bad developed in her xi '(.:: that men sought her for bor not (V and not for herself, and. never lir.v.i g fallen in love wiih any of her .;;-;,;, she did not find il difficult to fes'st advances, believing, as she d'ul, tin: re on were mercenary wretches, as i :". and that some day the one man In the world for hot would npiear a: ..: laim her as his own. II 'wovor, ho did not appear, and he r-r.: : r.:;od not to appear until Susanna tir.f reached an ago and hrmnoss of -cl'u". rector, to put it mildly, when her for :i:o would have to be at least doublet! f make her as attractive as she was .it ".. T:.is knowledge had com" io lor gradiiri'v, but w;s none the less forceful n ;:.at no oit, and she was determined -, . ,i to let ilds leap year pass without T' - ; - ol a lasting character. 'I the in'it in her train there wore peri;üi.'S h:li' a dozen who were eligible, an'! any tno of them would have made a i.'.'sband any woman could be proud of. But they wore merely friends Not a u .ai jack' of them had ever suggsted s-id a 1 1 i : i ir as matrimony to her, alio, possibly, this was why she liked llo in. So petver.se is the nature of woniai.. Anions Hii half dozen was one who foiled the greatest favor in Susana's (v's-, the uih'Ts taking their positions af:-.r him i:i regular graduation, and this one Susanna selected as her victim for h ap year, resolved to try all the ethers iu ease of failure in the tirst Instance Truly. Su -anaa was a desperate spiuater. Ard no loss spry, for in ilie ourse of t!s first all in the now year she began her operations. Hut it was a dreadful task a uil the evening passed without a sim;'e stop taken forward. The ffert bail been made, however, and courage ahvay.s comes with effort. When ho came aain she was so wrought ttj' over the work lofore her that her eyes sparkled ami her cheeks gl rived in rosy color. "Why, bless my soul. Miss Susan," said, ' how pretty you look this cvenHo was jo .wars older that she and always assumed that bless tny soul style afToc'ed by elderly men. -Oh. thank .vou. Mr. Culver," she twittered. 'I'm .sure you only think I look ju,t as I always look." " Of course. ?diss Susanna, only slightly nv,re so," smiled, but there was that in I he tone which had the rin of Insincrify, or ut least .suprficial and m- ial sincerity, which is very nearly the same ihi'i', and which made Susanna despise ti" llattery of men that so far had meint to her no dissolution of b-r ypiiisterhood. .Sue y.;s jj.iod nat tired abut it. howcicr, :iud lot Mr. Culver jro on with nhütever lie had to say. for if there was any tnau who could make flattery mire p.tht table to l.er than any oT!- r mrin. that man was Mr. Culver. Hut it was .soon over, and when he had iir.ul himself comfortably in an easy chair vvitli which he was familiar, lie emed t lt:;- forgotten whether Sua r n.i looked like n fright or a fairy ereI bo-au talking about all sfrts of th'r fis. as .-ople who talk for the more 6nke of talking. At all events, that's tlte way it prearntod itself t Susanna, and she felt the spirit of desperation slowly creepIn over he. She took a hin: breath for encuru,'f meat and tentatively turr.ed the subject of conversation upon the mst recent wedding which had occtn red Iu their circle. What a pair of fools they were and are," fcaid Mr. Culver, sentontiously, "to marry on nothing hut his salary and ttat aot big enough for two."

"But they are hapy,' argued Susanna. "I suppose so," Mr. Culver unwillingly admitted, "it takes a fool to be happy; wise people know too much." "Are you wise'.'" t'.iostionod Susanna, nervously, for she felt that she was launching herself at this point upon an unknown sea. "I'm old enough to he," Mr. Culver frankly responded, for Mr. Culver's ago was too well known to be denied and

too groat to bo hid behind a bushel. "Isn't there something somewhere about the old ftM)ls being the b'ggestV" laughed Susanna. "Hut I am not so oh, cs that yet." "Ah!" and her eyes twinkled, "is yours a case of "'Standing with reluctant foot. Where the silly seasons ineetV " Mr. Culver assumed a more serious air. and there was no smile on his face when he replied; there was rather a shadow of regret. "Yes, Miss Susanna." he said, "I do stand roluctaut, for I think if I had boon more of a fo 1 in one regard I would have boon less of a fool iu another. That is to say, a man is a fool b waste his life selfishly, as I have done." This was the auspicious mome nt Susanna had been seeking. She would now load rigid up to the matter aid lind a listener to her proposal. "Why don't you marry. Mr. Culver?" she asked with directness. "You are not too wise to consider the juistien, I hope." "Certainly not. Miss Susann i," he smiled. "I've been considering It for twenty years." "Then you ought to stop considering it and pop it." Susanna laughed and Mr. Culver also. "I hardly think I'll overdo tjiat," he said, seriously. "I wouldn't know how to go about it to make myself half presentable. I've given myself up, you know, as a bad job." "Some of these new women will lie charging down on you one of these days, teaching you the newer doctrine that women have the light to say whether you have th right to d with yourself as you please. In other words. some one of them will capture you in spite of yourself." "Not much they won't," asserted Mr. Culver, with a great show of courage. "If there is anything I don't want to marry it's a woman with fool notions of that kind." Susanna's heart went down to her shoes on the instant. Nero was an insurmountable obstacle in her path, and witfi Mr. Culver holding to such an opinion what good would a proposal bo from her even if she should muster up courage enough to make it. The thought made her mute for a minute, and in that minute a now thought came, one that had Nmmi there before, but had gone wool gathering while she was boating around the bush with I he new woman idea. "I think myself they are horrid," she said, with an effort to swallow .something that would not g down very easily. "Hut there is the leap year Privileg. All women, new and old, can claim that, t'.r.d you inusti't forget that t his is leap year." "I had forgotten if," be said, moving his chair vor into the far corner of the fireplace, but still mit so far away that he was ut of the pleasant inlluence of Susanna's nearness. II sat there for an instant, making himself shiver with terrr. and then he moved back, possibly a little nearer than befre. "Fore warned is forewarned." she said, "and now that 1 have told you of the dangers ahead 1 hope you will prolit by my ndvice." "Oh. I'm not afraid," he asserted in n good voice, "I'm just waiting for that sort of thing. The custom or tradition or whatever you may call it is an oldfa shioiud one and only an old-fashioned woman w ould think of it, aud that is the kind I want. So none of them had better trv it unless she means busi ness." Surely no finer open lug could be presentotl to a young woman In her mood than this, and Susanna gave herself a liltle shake and took another long breath. Tin? time had come, and she was not the woman to lose so glorious an opiortunity. "Mr. Culver," she began, In a firm voice and with great earnestness, "I have a long time boon thinking that you ought to marry, and I have even gone so far as to select just such a woman as I think would suit you. I had two r three consultations with her ami she is willing that I should present the matter to you, liocause I know you so well and you will understand it bejtor from me than If she should present it herself." This impersonal style was eminently ph-asing to Susanna, and she felt that h'r task was not going to be so hard after all. but she had not considered Mr. Culver's views sufficiently. When she was about to proceed further with her remarks, Mr. Culver showed signs of real anxiety and arose to Id feet. "Mis Susanna." he cxe'.r.imod, "don't say another word. Really, I cannot listen to it." "Hut 1 must say it to you," she insisted, because, as it socmel to her, that was the proper way to conduct a successful courtship, and now that she had begun it she most decidedly wished It to be successful. "I t 11 you I won't hear it. This it entirely unexpected ami I am sure nothing in my eomltiot has ever warranted you in broaching this subject to mo." Mr. Culver was evidently in earnest and Susanna almost chuckled t herself, fr this was the very way young wonit'ii acted under the circumstances in which Mr. Culver was placed. All it nco'loil now was a little more coaxing, ami Susanna nerved herself for the final pop. "Perhaps you have not thought so," she said In her noftest voice, "but to me there has ever been a desire to say to you what I am now saying. Mr.

Culver .Tohi," aad Susanna eame very (lo:-e to him, notwithstanding she w.u so nervous she? hardly know what to do. "Hohl on. Susanna, hold on," lie ex

claimed. "Confound it (that shocked her, for she know no s(irl had over talked that way under such iremiistanccs, ! however much she might have thought it I don't want you to be talking in any other woman's interest. There is only one woman in the world that I want, and and and (Mr. Culver was getting imrvous himself now, and Susanna gaspel ami oh. Susanna," he said, desperately, "don't yu know that woman is youV Vou, Susanna': lhm't you know it is you':'' Mr. Culver caught Susanna's two hands in his and lo'ed into her two oyis with such a plading. pathetic, intense sincerity that all her plans wore consutnotl as a straw in a fierce blaze, and she simply tumbled into his arms and let him finish the proposal she thought s!m had begun in such a masterly manner. And Mr. Culver finished it with glittering success, much to the relief of Miss Susauua Mortn. spinster. Now Vot k Sun. They Iet II im Talk. Nobody ever disputotl the utterances of I'mle Solomon Hangs, but it was suspeetol that ho had never learned why. More than that, it was supposed that Aunt Hulda herself, his long-suffering wife, boliev'd that his yea ought of right to be yea and his nay, nay. One morning, however, a chance visitor, who was approaching the shh? door, broke in upon a conversation which enlightened him much concerning the real state of the domestic economy. Undo Sohunoii had just buttonholed a neighbor at the gate, and drenched hint with a stream of eloquence concerning the political situatiu, and the neighbor, albeit of the other party, had boon dumb, having apparently no word to say. "Well. I guess I fixed him," said Uncle Solomon, as he entered the kitchen ami proceeded t wash his hamls at the sink. "Folks can't stan' up afore the truth. I've found that out. inoru'n once. 1 jest told hint what I thought of the carr'in's on of Congress, an' all he could do was to slii.k oft and not say a word." Aunt Hulda said nothing, but slio hanged the frying-pan energetically as she set it down. "I lunno lu nv many folks I've got the liest on, talkin' politics," sahl Undo Solomon, sitting down at the table, and beginning to pare his potato, without waiting for his wife. "All they need is to have the case sot afore 'em. 1 talk a vhih an' by me-by I git wanned up to 't, an' then they're gone. They can't stan' the trmth, an' that's all tin re is about it." At that moment Aunt Hulda dropped a sausage on the stove, ami the smoke rose to heaven. This was the straw; It brke the back f her much-tried ondu ratio'. "Solomon." saitl she, sharply, turning about with the frying-pan in hand. "I'm all boat out with your foolishness. I've hoard you crow long enough about bavin' such an inlltiem'e over folks, an' talkin' Vni down, and gittin' the best on't. You want to know how it happens? Well, I'll toll ye. "If there's one cross cow, what makes all the rest on 'em stan' aside an' let her go out of the bars fust": If there's a rag in', roarin' bull broke loose, what makes folks git over the fence? If there's a railroad run through a plaoo. an a-whistlin, tootin engine euttin" up an' down, day an' night, what makes flks move away? Well, when you've thought of some of them tvasons maybe you'll know what makes everybody from Dan to lleersheba cut an" run when you take toargymint There! I've got the stove all over grease, an" lost my temper into the bargain, un' I hope I'm satisfied!" "Well!" said Uncle Solomon, beginning to butter his potato iu a dazed fashion. "Well!" Kel'uscil oy AÜ. The little acts which go to the making of a groat example of heroism or sacrifice are ever interesting. In 1SS1. when all day long the war ships, confined within the narrow limits of the little harbor of Apia, Samoa, had been at the mercy of the hurricane and the coral reefs, there came an hour on the Trenton never to be forgotten. A writer in the Cosmopolitan Magazine tliu.s describes the scone and the incident which makes It memorable: Every one had divested himself of superfluous clothing, and with such appurtenances for safety as could be secured, stood awaiting the last plunge. On the forecastle some men were hurriedly building a raft on some empty barrels, on which they hoped to float ashore. Others hail lashed themselves to spars ami empty casks, and a fewwere providoil with life-preservers, hastily secured from below. There was one life-preserver, however, for which no one hoc med to have any use. A faithful follower and friend of the executive otlicer passed it to him on the bridge, hoping it might bo the means of Ids preservation. Hut inso-.ad of making use f it. he offered it to the admiral, who refn.se! it, ami then to the captain, with a like result. It was then thrown carelessly over the rail surrounding the bridg, and there it hung, a glowing tribute to those brave otiners, und a stimulus to the Irooplng spirits of tin fagged ut crew. Tin- Moodier Version. Teacher Have iu learned the gllen rule. Tommy? Tommy Yes'm. It is t do t? Hier people like they would do to ycu. -In-diunnpolis Journal. Never tell a secret; your confidant may not consider your secret f ;n much importance, as j-oti do. Ajs a rule, within four r lire ve'ki after ft bride conies to a slrnnse own, her kin begin to drop iu.

A BUFFALO STA MP till

n Indian Chief Saves a White Iloy Irom I'eiiiu Crushed to Dentil. A number of the bulls be::an io bel low, and to thiow dirt with their hoot's. I 1'heir noise and stir started a herd ! down the nearest hill, and we saw a ! host of ihem tome tearing down ihej slope, with long, lunging jumps, sonic of them Minting their heels and tails ! high iu the air. jumping sidewise. and ! bawling in a mad. freakish way. just j as -attle sometimes plunge down a hill, half in play, half iu a state f n rvous , eitement. There was inv a j bedlam of noise, ami clouds of lt;.-i j were rising on all hands. The chief j m1 ined to me to shoot. I carrh-d a short. thi k-barreh-d tuif-falo-gun it was ho Ion the days of i nr'o-n-ioauors w tuen threw an otitic and a half slug. I aimed at a bull some i fifty feet away, who etVere.l a hroadshle shot in Iiis pawing. Tin' heavy ball knoeketl him off his feet, and the :tet moment he was at ih last gasp. Th hief also tired his title, with what effect I did ut see. for our shots lid not startle ev-:i the nearest animals, so great was the tease if tie : own bawlings, and so thb-k the cloo.d of dust they had raised. A mad erae seonn'tl suddenly to have possessed liewhole h'id. for a great crowd had pressed tlown out of the ravine, ami hundreds were plunging down th bluffs. The situation had sinhlenlv bo.Mine startling and dangerous. The chief, in alarm, sprang to his feet, and threw the wolf-skin from his head. 1 lid the same. Ib' had 'ddontly oitnted on seatb-ring th" buffalo, ami frightening ihem off by our tirst shots. Instead, a tumbling mass f Ui-mii had gathered about the animal which I had shot. and. excited to great or frenzy than evr by the smell of blood, were filling the air with hoarse. lee;. uavering roars, whieh made the ground tremble uiulor us. The dust from the multiplying numbers which surg-d in toward us, pervaded as it was with alkali, sot me into a paroxysm f sneezing and coughing in spite of my intense alarm. It now nvelopod us in so thick a cloud that w could pruct h-ally see nothing. Suddenly I ho chief seized mo by the arm. "('nie." he sa'nl. "we go quiek!" and we started on a run. Wo lodg'd hitlmr and thither to get out d' the way of plunging, hawling animals, many of which lungotl past within arm's ro:b-h. Th' dust hal grown continuously thicker, and my eyes, tilled with the smarting alkali, failed me utterly befoiv iv' had run fifty yards. I was again seiz'l by a violent lit of coughing and sneezing. 1 slmutotl t Liltle F.ear. between my ooughings, that I euld not see. Ii' answered only. "We go quick--quick!" and. keeping a light grip upon luv arm. jrkMl me this way and that, as w' rusluMl ahead. Hut. adivo and powerful as he was. lie -ould not save lue in my blindness from collish.n. 1 was bit by one of the huge animals and knoeked oy'i The Tea tu re struck me on the left side, ami I was wrenched from the hu-f's grasp and sent rolling over and tver in i!:.'lust. In i'a l. 1 was kno-k-'d breathless, half-stunned, and -uld not have aris-n at nmr d" my own :iccolil. l siiouiu nave ien inn out and -rusIicd but for the chief. As it was. I just bad s! enough to know that 1 was jTked from the ground. ;ussed upwarl, an 1 borne forward upiu his shouhliTs. He ran like a leer, currying me .-is if I had been a papoose, jumping ami bulging this way and that, among the throng of animals, whose rumbling tread suudcd in my ears like the muttering of thumhT. Twice ho was run into and thrvn. ami we both moasuivd our full lengths; but h" was on his feet again in an instant, and, lifting nm as before, !art'd nh'nl. se'mingly unhurt. How the inajng'l to keep his eyesight ami rds barings in that ehoking clud, and among the excited ma of animals. Is. and always will bo, a mystery to me. It?t he lid it. 1I arrmd mo out of that bellowing, crazy crowd of animals, and set me upon my feet upon the hill above them, giving uttoranc to a huge grunt of satisfaetion when h' found that 1 could stand. Finnk Welles Calkins, iu the February St. Nicholas. Fpi ures and Gluttons. An epicure is one Who is particuhirly hi.v about his fod. His fare may bo plain, but it will bo the best of its kind. The opicutv is not a gormandizer: on the contrary, ho is absomious in eating and drinking, in order that he may enjoy the pleasures of the table. "Abstain in order to enjoy," sahl Fph urus. th Athenian philosopher. Acting on this maxim, th cph-utv Is often the most abstemious gu'st at an elegant table. He tastes as ho ats. and -ats s that he may taste. Th quality, not Ihe quantity, of things icconnnoml them to him. Hume, the historian, was a hearty eater. "You are a groat epicure. I boiieve," said a laly to him. "No. madam. 1 am only a glutt.m," he rplie1. He know that his was nt the epicurism that abstained t enjoy, but the gormandizing that dolightod in a full stomach. imublb'ss th epmuiv, like the otto', may be extravagant am! wasteftl. This carnivorous animal the. cpioup f Ihe genus l.utra foods in sumim-r on tish. As it eats only a mouthful or two f the best parts, it supplies itself with many more fishes than il ,-an consume. The edges of the bike or the stream ar iufeeted with lead fish, from which a lainty morse; has been bitten. Hut in wintT." says t lohlsmiih. in his "Animated Nature," "when Ihe lakes are frozen over and the rivers pour with a raphl torrent, ihe otter is often greatly distressed tor provisions, and W then obliged to live uion grass,

w ;-.v! and ovrn the "ark of trees. Vet ove;i front starvat'oti i; never le'.tns the lessou of Jlirit' or forethought. arpe diem icnjof lifei is i;s only motto."

ATE FOR A STOMACH PUMP. A Professor V Im l lorded I! i msel f I-'ou r or Five Times a Iav. IVofesxir I'atiiel I., li'iwi!. who for several years has conducted an estahlishhient for physical and vo-al culture in Fat Fourteenth streei. was committc! to ilelh'vue hospital hy Magisi rat Po'iel in t lie .IciVersn market police !. rt. The peculiar char-a-t'r of his mental alienation promises ;o make his ease an interesting study t the physicians in charge of the insane pavilion when- he is at present confined f,,r observation ami -xi animation. Iowd, who is only u years old. is said t hav a; nie lime been a ri-ii man. but re-'iitly his vagaries have been so marked thai his business declined and lm hsi almost all his pupils. His wife, who for a long time had realized thai he was failing mentally and physically. oiteah'd his condition as long as possible in the hope thai if he could be iüd'iced io rest his cure might ! -lVeciI His mania took th- form i gastroteeiiie excesses, which rivaled those ! of soi f the later llotnan emperors. He pi: into the habit of going about to restaurants and gorging himself i with the niosi amazing pianiiiy of, food, sometimes soemling as much as !

St. or Sir, on a single nmal. Ib' would j 111:11 n-'hiH-e.! in my na r ami ti.-h go l.om.. ins.Ti th- till ' :l!'"n;p tops n-sih-kin' out of my coatst,.ma. l. pun... int.. his sto.mmh ami j tail I''. l'"t I don't blow out no

do ihera i elv i-emov.- all that he ha. I ! Uen. Having thoroughly pumped himself out h' would tvturn to the r'staurant. 'ligulf another linm-r ami lvturning home again have pvoursc lo the stomach pump. This pr.urss ho would repeat four or five times a day. insisting all tin while that he had liscovero! a m'vv system of diet, w hich would result in making him ihe strongest man iu the world. lie 'vn attomph'd to make converts among his pupils, but without site -ess. The result of these '.-esses was the utter wr'k of his physical system, and h" became so gp-atly n'dtice.l that it linall; became evident, that death would result if he were not placel under restraint. More recently lm showed a b'lidem-y to become violently insane, and Mrs. lowl then realized that it was unsafe h permit him to bo at larg She jro'urt a warrant for her husband's arr-st. I)wl .showed m astonishment wlmti th' warrant was serv'd on him ami piietly neoiupani'l tlm dehviive to -urt. He said that h" full v understood the character of the charge made against him, ami when asked what ho had to say. replied juickly 'i hope I am not in th emlitioii described iu the charg'." New York I1tald. ! Flics Talk? An ingenious impiirer. armed with a microphone, or sound magnifier, has been lisU-'.iing patiently through long hours to th' curious noises made by huse Hies, ami ivports his belmf that ihey have a language of th-ir own. 'fh' language does not cnsist d" lie buzzing sound wo ordinarily hear, which is made by the rapid vibration d' thi'ir wings in the air, but f a smaller, liner ami moiv widely modulated s'ii's of sounds, audible to the human cur nly by the aid of the miTOpholU'. Frobably. this 11 y eonversatin is perf'ctly audible to the lly ears, which, as every shoolboy knows who has tri'd to hiov' his hand slowly upon them, are very acute. Tie hope is impressed that, sine the lu'p'toforo in imlihlc whispers of tlies have been deuetod and re-orlel, sonn invMitor may const rm-t a mieiophone which will enabh' us to make uit the language of tin microbes, ami so surprise them in the lmrrible secret of their mode of operation. She Got f Le ri.VJ';: Pearson's Weekly tells a story of ail Irish domestic who obtained a ituatioii by the use of her national wit, lind'r somewhat unpromising conditions. She had applied to Mrs. Van Nobbs for work as a cook, ami Mrs. Yan Nobbs asked: "How long lid you live in y.nir lust placer "Tr'0 weeks, ma'am,'' auswered Hri.lgot. "Why did you leave it so soon?" "Oi ciiddent git along wid the lady sh' was so old and cranky." "Hut I may be old and cranky.too,'said .Mrs. Yan Nobbs. "Cranky ye may be, ma'am." aid I'.ridger, promptly. "fr fuvs is sometimes desayvin', but old, nivver!" Sh' w as engaged on the spot. Small Islands. The island on which the Eddystom Lighthouse stands is ihe smallest inha bit ed one in the world. At low water it is thirty feet in diameter; at high wilier the lighthouse, the diameter of which at the base is twenty-eight and thr''-piartors fin't, coinph'toly covers It. It Is inhabited by tluve persons, ami it is nine miles off the Cornish coast, and furlMMi miles south-west of Plymouth breakwater. Flathnlme, an islaml in the Itritish Channel, 'is only a mile ami a half in eiivunifereimc, but consisting mostly of rieh pasture-land. snpporls a farmhouse bsiles tin lighthouse. w hich has a revolving light one hundred ami sixty-live feet abov' th' sa. Kansas I. Ivo Stock. In Kansas tlmfariu ami live shirk piluets combined show an increase in value over the preceding year of .flö.l'JS.iVSS. or Kt.o per cent. II in Keavon. Tim Why d you say that your cook is like your bh'jclo? Ilrim I have to give her a blowingup about once a week or she's no good.

A VAS GOING TO LOSE.

'Mohpa H. Saiiii'loison YVa'n't Coin titlilonOiit NitCia'." I was sharing my sea; with a farmerSooking man aboiti ."' years old, and when we wvro within about ten miles f Philadelphia lie p:'fi'd "lie you goiu" i. st j ai a tavern in town':" "Vs." 'Some tavern whop- they ae gas'.'" l es. "lo you know how . turn tin? blam'd thing off w hen yu go Jo bod':' "I have hn' il several tino-s. Ikm't you know how ':" For reply he tva-h'l down inh his sa!eh'I and brought up six tallow candles ami a blue box of sulphur matches ami lisplay'! them m his knee. "What are ihos( for:" I asked. "I'm also goiu' to stop at a tavern w here Haw use gas." "Yes?" "A bets It a "J-year-old steer agin a l;st spring's lamb that I blow out tho gas and am foitml dead in th niorniu. A is goiu" to it swiped! 11a! ii.v. ha!" "I sc'. You will u. the camims in plaee d' tile gas':" "Fvactly." "ibw did you happen to think of it':" "Waal. I'm naturally purty cuie on my vii account, ami thou I belong to :i family which has losj jive membevs by blow in" out th- gas at different taverns. N'othin' dangerous about talh'r. When she's bhwl she's blov"l. ami '.I.. -1 !- 11.. ! :ls " "' np-n..t it my natu' is losluia H. Sanderson, ami I guess, she is." lie Paid His Fare. Why should a story of honest liling with a street railway company Im published by tlm .o.v Ytk Tribune nti.hr the titie -A Kare Ith- iV" Is th" opinion that limp' is iv: hai'ti in e'aoatiun a railroad mpany so prevalent is to justify l!;e title? II sat in a Sixtli avonim elevated railroad car. and twine', a live-cent pm o exp'ctantly. At h'ngth he turned to a report'-, w ho happened to be sitting io'ar him. ami said: "What's Hi.- fate on this ruad r 'Five cents." "Don't tlh'.v ollect it?" 'Certainly not. You buy a ticket at the station where ret on, ami put it lu tili box on the platform." "That's strange!" said the man with the unused nickel. "Somehow I've slipped in without paying. Ygu sov" he added, confident ially, "I'm front California, and we don't rhh' around In this sort of a thing out there. Inoss j ,.., j,ut ;, ,jckt ju when I get ff. can't 1':" "Well." said ihe reporter, "the elevated road crowds ami hustles us so that some New-Yorkers wouldn't hesitate to beat the road, if it were in such an unintentional manner as yon have done it." 1 "I ihink I had h'tter pay," said ths California!!, '.eci.ledly. j Ami at Fourieeiuh street be left tho train ami said to the ticket-chopper, j "Somehow or other I have ridden up 1 hero fitun Chambers street without paying any t hing." "Sav'l a nickel. lil yer:" "I want t pay now." "I ley?" "I say I want to pay for my ride." "Hon't live in Now York, do yuV" "No." "IM. lift come from Jersey or IJrook lyn. did yer?" "No." "Whore dhl you omo from?" "California." "Christian Fmloavor convention?" "Ys." "Well, yo-i go around to that window." oxclainu'd the chopper, "plank down five vnts for a ticket, ami come around arid put it in this box. Then let ni look ;"tt yT. I've chopped tickets goiu on throe years, but 1 never seed a man lik you before." He ltcii's Cr.ra;ter. An elevator oi.Vü ill t tashlona.Lle 11 professes t In able to tell a prrt character by tin? way he r she pushes the oloeric bell. Said he, according to the New York Herald: "Should the ring be very light, I know that tin person is a mild-mannered, food-naturod, whoh-suled individiifu, w hom I am only too anxious to obligy; but should the ring be a furious je, then I conelmle the person is an impatient, povish or bot-tcm-pereil person. mre furious than his ring, ti.nl with whom I take my time in amj Aoring. "With women it is th same thing: a mihl-iminm'red woman will merely touch tin bll, while the hot-tempeyed creature will kep up a continual ringing until you desvnl. ami will then proceed to upbraid you for not hurrying." Ii iniei-M llctorts. Prisoners have a fair proprtiou f "happy answers" -rcditcl t them. Of these, perhaps, the lest known are those of the man who, when a skit! if h pleaded "guilty or not guilty." replied that he couldn't say until he hal heard tlm evhlence: and the naive rospoiis f th prisoner t the usual question lief vre sentence, "Have you anything to say. prisoner, before sentence is pronounced upon you':" "ItV very kind of your honor, and if it's piile a green lh to lh court I shouhl Iik' to say 'good evening.'" ItciH.roim Lad. Mother What liI you lo with tle inliciue tin' h tor loft for you? Small lloy-1 beard there was a poor Imy ill in th ba k stret ami I to)k P. around and lft it for him. Dundee News. We have our faults, but we can say this t our credit: We never claimed to be om of the heirs to a isrgo estate la the East.