Semi-weekly Express, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 18 May 1897 — Page 5

THE MAN IN UNIFORM

~—1—

jWOES OF A NAVAL OFFICER! ON THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE PLATFORM.

mistaken For Station Master and Reviled Accordingly—Appealed, to and Abased ,by Helpers and Indignant'Citizens—fled I at Last From a Baby.

A man in the navy rushed aboard his ship in the Brooklyn navy yard the or,her 3ay as if something terrible was after him. The mpn the wardroom looked up tmazed as he entered and sank down on the leather conch. "What's the matter, old man!-" asked Dne of the officers, "Why, where are your friends? I thought you got permission to leave the ship to go to the Brooklyn bridge to meet some friends who were coming aboard." "I did," came a response jn a muffled Voice. ''That's wjjpsro I've been." "But where are your friends?" persisted Ko. 4. "I don't know, for I didn't wait for ihem." "Didn't wait for them?" exclaimed a Ciiap whom they all call Lord Chesterfield. '•Why. that was a beastly thing to do."

Blanket}', blank, blank," exclaimed the exhausted one, jumping to his feet. "Wait till you hear my side of the story before you condemn my manners. I look us if I might have been bunkood, sandbagged or set upon by a gang of street thugs, don't I? Yes. Well, I haven't been. I merely made the mistake of going ashore In uniform. "You see, I'd been very busy working all taiorning, and when I looked at the clock I found- that I barely had time to get to the bridge to meet these friends, much less to stop, to put on civilian's attire. I got permission to leave the ship and started on a run, without once 'thinking of my uniform, but when I got in the car I had time to realize what I was wearing. 'Oh,' I thought to myself, 'I have on my service dress uniform—plain blue trousers,a rather aieat but not gaudy blouse, with considerable black braid on it, and an anchor on ithe collar. Good. This won't attract much attention.' Then I looked at my cap, with its sloping vispr -and its broad gold band nround the front ornamented with the crossed anchors, eagle and shield wrought together. 'Fine,' I said to myself. 'Nobody will guy me.' I'm sure, though, I did -wish I had thought in time to put on my {•-its. "When I landed at the bridge, I got permission, as a special favor, to go up on the second story landing to meet my friends as they got out of the train. Several people piped me off as I went up the steps and that was the beginning of my finish. I stood there gazingfot two trains ns they disgorged themselves without being interfered with. When the third one came up, a man got out, came up to me and said: 'Which is the way to the Kings County "LP"'

I don't know,''I answered. 'Why don't you know?' he asked. ." 'I don't know that, either,' was my reply, and he passed on, glaring back at me as if he would enjoy nothing more than taking my scalp. By this time the next train was in, and a woman got out and made for me. 'Which way do you get to the navy yard?' she asked. 'Go down stairs and take the car under the bridge to your right, madam,' I answered. ." 'Can't you go down and show me the way?' she queried next. 'I'm sorry I can't,' I answered, and I'll be blamed if she didn't let in and say that I was a disgusting "thing and asked me what I was paid for. "I straightened up as high ,as I could, flunking that if I assumed a military air it would bo a protection, but it didn't work. Although standing with heels and knees together, toes out at an angle of 40 degrees, ehest out and shoulders thrown back and chin held high in the air, my posture didn't produce the desired effect. Soon I became aware from a series of short whistles, such as are commonly used to tmnmon a bootblack or cabby, that some one in the ci-owd from tho next car was makiug persistent efforts to attract my attention. It was a man. I turned to cast a withering glauce. Ho grabbed me by the slbow with his umbrella handle, harnessed me up to him and said: 'Although there nro signs in the cars prohibiting people from indulging in a certain pastime, either in the cars or on the platform, the man who sat next to me coming on the bridge spit on my foot, and I want to make a •omplaint against him. There the son of gun goes now.' I thought of what Bill

Nye said when he was writing about one )f his personal difficulties with an eneiuy: 'I clinched my teeth and struck him with a bed slat. If you don't believe it, I can show you the clinched teeth and the bed slat.'

The fellow had his foot there all right, and he thought he had his man, but he could prove nothing. I told him that I could say nothing except that I regretted the occurrence, and I promised him that it should never happen again and reminded him that, although the offense was a heinous one, there was no specific penalty for it. I was unable to arrest the offender and would have to let htm go. He thanked me again and again and said he was glad to know that, along with other improvements, the bridge officials had secured such intelligent employees. "I was about used up by this time and kept wondering if my friends would ever come. Surely they'll be on tho train just coming in, I thought. It came to a stop, and a young, fairly well dressed woman motioned to me from the platform. Not noticing anything unusual, I hastened up to, tho car and found to .my distress that she had a baby about 3 months old in her arms. She said she had a very heavy basket in the car and rather suggested by a motion toward the baby, as she drew tip to me, that I toko that while she went in after the basket. But 1 didn't catch oil and rushed in and grabbed the basket by preference. "When I carucoufc with it, she said she /thought she'd better take the basket down the steps as it had some things in it that she wouldn't have broken for the world, and finally insisted on my swapping it for that darned brat. What, did I do? I dropped the basket at the top of the steps, shook the woman, baby and all, and made tracks for the navy yard. "So here I am, or at least all that's left of me. As to my friends, don't know where they are. I've been pulled and •tugged this way and that and yelled at in the last half hour no til I feel as if a battle would lie too tame." "I told you young fellows about going out. in your uniforms in the United States," said a gfny haired man. "It works iri every other country, but it flon'r go in this/' And the young officer groaned.—New York Sun.

A CURIOUS CATCH"

(Strange Manner In Which a Stolen Bicycle Was Recovered. Among the residents of Bermuda are two brothers, one of whom, besides being an •afchusiaetic yachtsman, is also a swift and ikillful rider of the bicycle. Some time *gt), shortly before the data set for a bicycle race in which he was to ba one of the •outeatruits, his wheel mysteriously disappeared, and all efforts to find a trace of it proved fruitless. „.: One day about 14 months after the bicycle kad been presumably stolen a fisherman who wa£ angling out in the middle

hooked-a large one, which instantly plunged^ into the depths of the harbor in a vain en-* deavor to escape. The angler played with him for awrfle, and then, feeling the line tighten ip his hand and the strain become steady, began to haul up. He soon realized that he had at the end of his line one of the heaviest catches that he had ever made, and—what be could not fSderstand about it—that it was apparently almost a dead weight He hauled away, however, until there appeared above the water not only the fish, that he had hooked, but a bicycle, round the handles of which the fish, in his efforts to escape, had wound tho line a number of times.

When the astonished fisherman had sufficiently recovered from his amazement at his curious catch, he took the bicycle ashore. There it was soon identified as the one which had so inexplicably disappeared. Strange to say, the machine, in spite of the fact that It had been at tho bottom of the harbor for 14 months, was but little damaged and was easily put in. running order again.

For some time no clew as to how it found its way to its watery hiding place could be discovered. Identically, however, several circumstances carnal to light that pointed to a man with whom the bicycle rider had once bail trouble. -At one time whenever he rode past thisman's place the dogs which were kept there would run out and bark and snap afc^ihe rider, causing him considerable annoyance and trouble. At'first he contented himself with simply driving off the brutes as b«jsthe could, but when he found that they were set upon him by their master he took prompt measures to have the man arrested, brought into court and fined. From various circumstances that were found out regarding the disappearance of the bicycle there seemed to be no doubt that the owner of the ugly dogs was responsible for' it, and that he stole the machine and sunk it in the harbor in order to be revenged on its owner. —Boston Transcript.

Aristocracy In Food.

A writer in the London Chronicle has been making a study, or rather quo$fc, in search of an-analogy between the world of people and the world of food. The simple formula that pork and onions are vulgar and beef and celery are not suffices to put the subject on an argumentative basis. Why should onions be vulgAr, it is asked, but is not answered, though it is admitted that some persons, "\Hth as much shallowness as ignorance,'' argue that onions are vulgar because of their too potent fragranoe. "With every desire," continues' the writer, "to treat this side of the subject delicately, I must assert that nb person of good digestion is martyred or can be ostracized by his devotion to the humble onion. It is not vulgar to' smell of onions,' but it is vulgar, I think, not to have a good digestion. Perfect personal scrupulousness demands that one be in every way clean, even—I tremble for this frankness, yet I am not ashamed of it—to having a clean stomach. Therefore, in my view, it is not his scent which labels the onion vulgar."

Other dietetic puzzles are also considered, as why cabbages take a lower rank than their cousins german, the cauliflower and broad beans are "a little vulgar," and peas, their close relatives, "not at "all why boiled corned beef ia not on the same social level as roast beef, jind. kidneys are admitted to the beet society while tripe is kept out, and other commonly accepted but rarely thought of food distinctions. The writer finally accepted it all as a bit of snobbery that should be brought to light and banished in so doing, asserting, sensibly enough, that ''the idea that all food is not equally refined is,, when looked at frankly, so inordinately ailly that one hardly dares to write it."

Greeley as a Packer.

"Horace Greeley created quite a stir when he visited New Orleans,'' said an old citizen the other day. "I remember a number of incidents in connection with his stay in this city which even now afford me considerable pleasure. On one occasion I was invited~to dine with the noted Republican and abolitionist just as he was on the eve of departure. When we had concluded dinner, we went to Mr. Greeley's room, and the old gentleman b5gan to pack his trunk. I was very much amused to witness tho novel and trmy unique manner in which this operation was conducted by Mr. Greeley. There was no attempt on his part to put his belongings in order or place them in the trunk with any degree of regularity. He just bundled up his clothes and dumped thom into the receptacle as they came to his hand. When he found that the trunk was getting crowded, he proceeded to literally jump on the articles with both i'eet, and finally by this means managed to jam his wardrobe into the case and close the lid oil the lot.. He remarked that his system was not what might be gplled orderly, but he found it a waste of time to attempt to fold his clothes and pack them as any one else might."—New Orleans Times-Democrat.

An Art Wrangle.

"When it comes to art encouragement," said the picture hook, "I think I may modestly assert that a great deal depends upon me.'' "Pooh!" said the gimlet. "You yourself are absolutely dependent on the picture molding. Now, I"— "Dear, dear!" cried the screwdriver. "What a bore you are! Not ono of you can compare in an artistic sense with my friend, the corkscrew,'who is absent this evening attending an opening on Che avenue." "Why, what does he know of art?" said the tack hammer. "What does he know cf art?" repeated the screwdriver soornfully. You probably forget that he learned to draw when a mere infant, and that he has an unsurpassed pull in all well regulated studios. What does he know of art, forsooth!"— Cleveland Plain Dealer.

Transparent Flat©?.

It is often of importance to have plates or cards of transparent material. These can easily be made of gelatin 1,iy the following process/ "Place gelatin in cold water foe. several hours until it is thoroughly softened, hiking care that no more water remains than is^necessary to swell it completely. Prepare a plate of glass, carefully clean it, then coat with the slightest possible filyu of oil. Place around this glass a rim just as high as the thickness of the plate of gelatin is to be. Pour upon the prepared glass, which should bo hot. the softened gelatin. Then lay over it a second glass, heated and oiled, and press it gently down until it rests evenly on the top cf tho frame. This makes the thickness uniform, and if care is taken there will be neither bubbles nor irregularities. When cool, remove the gelatin, which may then bo cut or shaped into any desired form. By adding coloring matter any shade can be secured* Aniline is tho best for tinting."—Now York Ledger.

The Typewriter Touch.

Now that typewriters are found in homes almost as commonly as the writing desk it is perhaps pertinent to remind women that the use of the machine is verv hurtful to a piano player. The sharp staccato movements of tho-writing machine stiffen the fingers and tend to lessen the suppleness necessary for the piano ktjs

Fought With Bows and Arrows. The last European battle in whicn DOWS and arrows were used was tliat of Leipsic, in October, 1818, wheii, the French were defeated by the sillies. The Russians brought into the field some Tartars whoi?e only weapons were hows and arrow.?, and a French general wip wounded by qa arrow ia the battle.

BONITAS AND BLUES.

•SPORT WITH THE FISHERMEN Gl*. BARN EG AT BAY.

Parade of Yachts In the Narrow Inlet. Yon Don't Always Get 'Em In After They Take the Hook—The Bonita Makes.

Yon Think He Weighs a Ton or More.

You find your particular craft, step on board, your captain takes the helm, a friendly captain on the wharf—all the male inhabitants of the piaoo are captains —shoves her off, and away you go. It is 7 o'clock in the morning. The air has the bracing freshness of the naw day. The4 sun shines with that soft wnrmth which Js co gratifying to the senses «nd so unprnphetic of the heat that is to develop later. There is just breeze enough to fill the sail and send your trim little vessel merrily over the rippling water, and you glide along you begin to realize the poet's dream of being wafted by balmy breezes over summer seas.

You are going blyefishing. The captain, who has now become your guide, counselor and friend, has saved you the trouble of deciding that, and he heads for the inlot, six miles across the bay, where the blues were biting freely yesterday. Ho does not commit himself to the assurance that they will bite freely today, for he knowns that, except the weather, there is nothing so uncertain as a school of bluefish. The faot that they have been chasing silver fish abortt Barnegat bay for the last three weeks is no guarantee that they are not, every fin of them, a hundred miles up the coast this morning. This eccentricity on their port gives tlie charm c? hazard to your pursuit of them, increases the thrill of anticipation with which you await the vigorous signal that announces the arrival of a fish at the other ond of your 100 feet of line and heightens tho triumph of your return home with a well filled basket-.

Up and down t-ha narrow waters of the inlet go the yachts in disorderly yet orderly parade. Their course is only half a mile long and scarcely half as wide, for this is where the biuefish are feeding, uud, as it is necessary to keep moving in order that the bone and metal "squibs" trailing far behind may appear to be small fishes swimming on tho surface, the vaohts must tack back and forth in this small space continually. There area couple of dozen of them.

But ycu have not much time to admire tho parade, beautiful as it is. Your captnin tosses a squid overboard, lets 100 feet or so of heavy line trial rvfter it and makes the end of the same fast on board the yacht to prevent your letting the whole business go overboard in the exoitementof the coming contest. Then he givos you the line, with instructions to wait for a ''strike!," and haul in as soon as you got It. You may be a novice, but you needuo further instruction. You will have no further difficulty in recognizing the signal by which a bluefish announces that he has put himself in communication with you. Two sharp twitches and a heavy pull indi cate his,desire not to speak to you, and your share of the performance is to get him on board before he succeeds in shaking the hook out.of his mouth, which he will do if he has haJf a ohanoe and is very apt to do with less than that. You pull in your line hand oyer hand, with long, steady strokes, and are particularly careful to avoid missing your hold at any time, as that would involve a momentary slacking of the line and give a corresponding advantage to the captive dancing and fluttering at the other end, following quietly for a time, then flashing out of water, performing a series of somersaults and dashing from side to side in the effort to'escape the strain that is constantly drawing him nearer to his doom. Sometimes he succeeds. Sometimes he tears loose jiist when you think. victory is certain, and the captain's cool "let him go" sounds to you very ironical as you realize that you cannot possibly do anything else, but if it is idle to cry for spilled milk it is doubly so to lament for a lost fish. Spit on your hook and try it again.

By and by, as you look out aloflg your line beyond the point where it loses itself in a wave, you see the water suddenly break into foam, as if there had been a small explosion beneath its rippling surface, and the next instant feol a tug at your line a little more emphatic than the twitches you have become accustomed to. You begin to haul in and succeed in starring som$thifg toward the boat, but it comes veafy slowly, and it is like hauling a canalb'oat to make it move at all. Tho struggle .between you and whatever it ia that you 'have caught becomes a regular tug of war. Sometimes one has the advantage, sometimes the other. You gain a few feet of line, and it is twitched back again,, taking the skin with it, if you have not taken the precaution to wear guards. As it cuts the. water It sings like a harp string, und its angry swish as your victim dashes about tells you his rage as clearly, as a, telephone.

But, though he darts through the water as far in every direction as your taut line will let run, he never comes to the surface or oxecutos those gymnastics that you have watched in your former captives. You become convinced that it is not a bluefish. "Bonita," says your captain, shortly, and when, after an exhaustive struggle, you bring your unwilling prize to the side of the vessel and lift him on board tho captain's judgment ia confirmed. It is a bonita, and not a very largo one as bonitaa go. for it will weigh only five or six pounds, and the captain tells you ho has caught them in the open soa weighing six times as much, but you reflect that if his were as strong in proportion as yours he must liavo used a windlass to pull it in, for your muscles ache as you throw your squid overboard and sit waiting for another bite.

The bonita is a handsome fish. It is striped somewhat like a sea bass, but has a shorter, stockier body, tapering rapidly to a very thin tail, on which tho caudul fin is stuck at right angles, like a ship's propeller on it3 shaft. The head is long and pointed, the mouth full of sharp teeth and of such a bony character that there is little danger of a hook pulling out. Once fairly fastened, the bonita is yours—or you are his. He comes on board or you go into the water. As a food fish he does not seem to bo highly esteemed. The fisherliien say he is good eating, but say it in such away as to give the impression that they mean good for something else. As a fish for sport, however, he is all that could be" desired.—Cor. Philadelphia Lodger.

PROFITS OF MURDERERS.

Few Benefit Financially by Means of Thet* Crimes. Much has been published in England about the professional assassins of Paris, writes our Paris correspondent, and in many oases fabulous gains have been attributed to them as a result of their crimes, but these exist more frequently in fiction than in fact Statistics recently compiled by the prefect of the Paris police throw a good deal of lighten the assassin's trade as practiced in modern times. Especially interesting are they in view of the popular but very erroneous idea that the assassin's trade is a profitable one. That it i3 quite the reverse seems to be clearly proved by a rccord of the profits gained by notorious assassins duiriig the last 30 years.

Biographies of a large number of French murderers, sopie of whom paid the penalty of their crimes on the guillotine, while others were transported t« New Caledonia, show that the average murderer makes far less money at his abominable trade than i? made by any third rate artisan «r even day laborer,

Her& for extpajrif, are the names of e-. -w a as to the

actual money profit that resulted in each case: Sejouraet committed one crime, and hi& profit was £2 5s Rossell, one crime, -£1 10s Dueret, one crime, £S worth of jewelry Cathelin, about 5s.

These are not princely profits, but they are.large compared with others. Three men, for example—X3eorgocs, Voty and Franek—committed a horrible crime and only made about sixpence apiece. Several others were less fortunate, for they gained nothing at all. Other knights of the road found to their dismay after dispatching their victims that they had no money on them, and they were consequently bound to be satisfied with such booty as they could obtain in the shape of watches and other jewelry, which, of course, is less desirable than money, as it is not always easy to dispose! of.

True, a few assassins have made a considerable sum of money. Three—Martin, Begheim and Lapommeraye—were especially fortunate or unfortunate in this reapeot. Martin found £200 in his victim's purse. Begheim got £1,400 worth of jewelry, and Lapommeraye also acquired a large sum of money at one stroke. These men, however, did not live very long to enjoy their wealth, as justice overtook them and quickly dispatched them to an* other world. Such men are rare, however, so rare that, a careful calculation shows that the average amount made by French assassins during the last 30 years does not exceed 9 or 10 shillings for each crime.

Such being the case, the wonder is that there are so many murderers. And a greater wonder is why, if they arp determined to kill for tho sake of obtaining money, they do not arrange to kill persona who are. known to be wealthy and do not seize an,opportunity when their intended victims have their pockets stuffed with gold. A distinguished official of the police force in Paris says that tho assassins act in their usual foolish manner simply because they are imbeciles.—London Jtlall,

THE SCOTCH MOORS.

A Wfontli There Will Work Wonders In Health and Happiness. There is nothing in this world like a month on the moors for health, happiness and innocent exMlaration. There is nothing more certainrto stave off the consultation which sends4 the patient on wearisome voyages around the world or drives him to cessation of labor and the consequent ennui which dismisses him as surely to tha grave by a more circuitous route.

Some people object to the Highland climate. It certainly has not the sunny monotony of the Sudan, or even of Sicily, but really its charm is in its infinite variety. It rains & good deal, no doubt, but the rain does no one any harm so long as he keeps on the move. We confess that one may get tired of confinement to the shooting lodge when the water is splashing steadily against the windows—more especially when tantalized by a rising barometer, till tempted to take it out of doors like the Aberdonian farmer and ask it "whether it winna believe its own een."

But life can never be worth- the living without the alternations of fear and hope. You look implioitiy forward to the eostatic morning when the moors will be bathed in ablaze of sunshine. We-love to be out in all weathers—cxcept when remorseless dotynpour has made shooting and walking alike impracticable. Nor do we know what kind of weather is most likeable—perhaps that sunny clearing up of which we have spokeu, when nature has gone in most effectually for an autumn cleaning, when the heather is steaming in the warmth, and the heat has been drawing up ihe mists till they hang in fringes and fes®ons from the waists of the mountains when distances are so deceptive that you fancy you might see a blue hare on the new bathed rock a couple of miles away when each rill has swelled to a torrent, aaid the torrents are 6till coming down in speat.

Indeed, the worst of such a morning as that is the walking, for the plunging knee fieep through the foaming burns and the staggering about as you toil up over the slippery heather roots are apt to tell severely on the back sinews. As for the sport, in the circumstances, the less said about that the better the old birds are as wild as hawks, and even the young broods are nervously restless, but what else can you expect while the waters are draining off and the weather is clearing up? Damp it may be, below and around, but the air is exhilarating as dry champagne. You stick to the low beats and come home in high spirits.—Scottish America^.

REPEATING RIFLES.

Gome Hunters Who Are Unnerved by the "Now or Never" Situation. An old hunter who has killed chamois in the Alps and mountain sheep in the Rockies, besides the antelope of the American plains and the roebuck of the European forests, says that a mijn who wants to be a good shot at big game should not carry more than five or six cartridges. He argues that if a man knows that he must kill with one shot or not at all he is apt to be cooler and, shoot with greater care than if he had 20 or 30 shells for his rifio. This old hunter, of course, was brought up on a single barreled muzzle loader, with which one could scarcely hope for a second shot

Other hunters, however, men of long and varied experience, whoso repeating rifles deal out death to moose and partridges in spite of a belt load of ammunition, say that they always shoot with greater accuracy when they know that they have several shots behind the llrst one, and so kill the game with greater expedition and cleaner, because they do not have to worry about the "now or never" which bothers the man with a single shot. As a matter of fact, no two men are alike in this respect. Single shot rifles are seldom seen in the Adirondacks, for the-repeaters are much better, according to the notions of both tho woodsmen and the visiting huntei's. In regions where the ranges are long, as in antelwpe hunting, or where great penetration is needed, as for hippopotamus, heavy single shot express rifles are used mostly, but the 30 caliber repeating rifles, with their long, lean bullets that go through anything from boiler iron to ten feet of flesh and bones, axe driving out the big 18 pound two bore rifles.

A soft point 30 caliber ballet serves well on anything from a wildcat to a moose or grizzly, and a hard point bullet will serve to shoot the head off a rabbit or squirrel, and so it appears that the all around weapon for which hunters of all classes, pot hunter? and sportsmen, poor and rich, have been looking will be found in an accurate rifle, using various charges of smokeless powder for various ranges and different styles of bullets. Ono kind of bullet to serve for all kinds of gam3 does not seem possible. A hard point bullet that would penetrate yards of wood would merely maim a deer, while a soft point bullet would have the same effect on a rabbit as exploding dynamite.—New York Sun.

The First Yacht Bruit In' America. A number of wealthy gentlemen New York city founded the New York Boat club in 1880, and for them Mr. Francis boMt the fisst yacht ever constructed in America. Se was able, you see, to turn his hand ta almost anything which, had to do with sailing on the sea. Some Canadian gentlemen wanted a racing row boat to beat the boat of some of their frien«& from England who were oomihg over from the 'motherland to give them batfcle at Quebec. Mr. Francis was called upon to build the boat. It was of mahagany, brass fastened, and it weighed only 60 pounds, a remarkably light ra&iag boat for that day. It was four oared antKwas 30 feet lung. They called It the &§le, and it W'1 deserved its name, for it wen the rac®-«gaiTist the oraek "beats a£. tfe© English. It waa th© first rowboarefcr purposes overboils in j. rrir^c*. jftafcoiaa.

THOMPSON'S YARNS.

THE ERUDITE LEGAL AU+HOR TELLS THREE GOOD ONES.

The Judges Red field of Vermont—Harrow Escape of "Handsome" Davis Frem Judge Lynch—How MeNab Was Saved by a

Frozen Sausage.

Judge Seymour D. Thompson, the author of those erudite legal works "Corporation" and "Negligence," is a prime story teller. He conveyed a party of friends into Thatcher's restaurant, and as he noticed the multiplied reflections of their faces in the mirror Ugpd walls he said: "How much you lofck like your brothers, gentlemen." Then he went on: "That reminds me of good old Judge Amasa Redfield of the Vermont supreme court Ke and his brother Isaac, who was also afterward on the supreme bench of Vermont, were as like as two peas. People frequently mistook one for the other, but they managed to preserve their identity with each other until Judge Amasa was passing out. of the dining room of a Burlington hotel one evening when he 6aw his brother approaching him. 'Why, Isaac, I didn't expect to see you here. How did this happen!' Then the judicial light found out, for his head had come into violent collision with a mirror. Isaac had disappeared, and in his place was Amasa, very much abashed. He never could keep a joke on himself, however, and he told m& the story once in his inimitable, dry way." "Tell us about 'Handsome Davis,' judge,'' said one of his companions. Judge Thompson protested. "I hove £q14 that story at least"— "Nevermind. Let us have it again." And, like the courteous gentleman he is, he yielded. "When I was in San Francisco," he began, "a tall, good looking old man used to come to *he office to see one of the stenographers in my employ. I learned that he was her uncle, and that be was one of tho California pioneers. He told me one day of his experience with Judge Lynch. 'I've had a grudge against my name (Davis) ever since it came near hanging me,' he began. 'You see, I wasn't so tough a looking customer in those days as now, and when one of the mining camp fairies christened me Handsome Davis, to distinguish me from the numerous other Davises thereabouts, the name stuck. Well, oue day I was out prospecting north of the city, and I suddenly found myself surrounded by 20 armed miners. What's yer name?"' said the ono who seemed to be tho loader. "Davis," I answered. They exchanged glances, and the spokesman said: "Well, Davis, git ready. We're goin to string you up for killin Jack Flynn. That was a cowardly, sneakin trick, and you've got to pay for it." He led the way to the nearest tree, and I followed between two of the biggest miners. "You've made a irdstake, men," I said. "My name's Davis, but you have the wrong Davis. I never heard of Jack Flynn," I protested. "Maybe not, but you shot the daylights out of him jnet the same. Come along." They threw the rope over a limb and told me I had two minutes in which to say my prayers. Instead of praying, I expostulated. "Iam from San Francisco," I said. "Oh, yes, maybe you are, and you are wanted there bad, too, but you can't go! Ypu've got to take the train to kingdom come. Hurry up and say your prayers." Just then a man mounted oil a mule rode up the knolL He was tall and slim and had a pointed hat and beard.' "It was a Yankee Doodle beard," pareflthetlcally explained the judge. "Just like that beard of Tom Carter's." "'Mr. Yankee Doodle rode up to us, and, transferring a monstrous quid of tobacco from one cheek to another, said mildly, "What are you goin to do, boys?" "You just wait a minute, and you'll see what we're goin to do. This man put buckshot into Jack Flynn, and we're goin to swing him for it.'' "'Yankee Doodle looked at me reflectively, then reminiscently. "You've got the wrong man, fellers," he drawled. "The feller what plugged Flynn is Sain Davis, and this here one's Handsome Davis. He's from San Francisco. I've seen him there." Yankee was evidently an authority among the fellers. They held a little conference and concluded to let me off. "We'll let you off if you treat the crowd," was the announcement I agreed.'

Before dinner was over the judge was prevailed upou to tell the story of another hairbreadth escape. '1 This was in Canada," he said, "and the hero, a brawny Scotchman named McNab, was a fellow colporteur of my father, the Rev. Seymour Thompson, before he entered the ministry. The two bccamo separate^ fur some reason on tho night of McNab's adventure. The Scotchman was riding through a forest unarmed. He had a package of Bibles on one sido of his saddle and on the other a string of frozen sausages, which were to bo thawed and cooked for his breakfast. A highwayman stopped McNab's pious reflections and his progress at 'the came time. The Scotchman wag friglitoncd. Ho never denied that. He had a little money in his boot, and lie leaned over to remove the boot and satisfy the demand of the robber His hand struck against the frozen sausages. He bethought of these and hoped they might propitiate the gloomy neighbor and savo Jiis money. Ho broke one of the sausages in two and was about to offer half to the highwayman, when he found himself alone and, heard the clatter of a horse's rapidly retracing hoofs. Badly frightened as he was, McNab laughed. Tho robber had mistaken tho cracLing of tho sausages for tho cocking ng fiscal and fied. "ID i~ too late for another," said the jud*"", rising from the table, "but some evti ig between sips of sauterne I will tell you how McNab killed a witch with silver bullets."—St. Louia Ropubiic.

A NEW MEXICAN METEOR.

Found on Analysis to Be Composed Chiefly of Iron. The American Journal of Science gives an account by Warren M. Fcote of Philadelphia of the recent finding of a meteorite which fell in 187G in the Sacramento mountains of New Mexico and was seen at its fall by Mr. M. Bartlett of Florence, A. T. The meteorite passed through the heavens in a southerly direction and fell with a report like a cannon. Tho facts were reported by Mr. Bartlett to Mr. 0. R. Biederman, who began an investigation, which was fruitless until, by chance, a small sample of iron found by a shepherd of the region proved to be meteoric and led to the looatingof the mass, which had fallen on the top of a limestone hill, where it was partly buried. Mr. Biederman and his party with much labor dragged it six miles over the desert to a wagon road. No pieces were found near it. and it is complete exccpt for two pieces, weighing together about five pounds, which have been broken or sawed from the mass.

The new found meteorite is a typical example of the class of sideritea, weighing about 521 pounds, .and about 82 Inches long, 24 inches broad and 8 inches thick. It has the characteristic "thumb" marks, and on a flat side it has two cup shaped pits from 4 to 0 inches in diameter, which area remarkable feature. At the point where the fragments were removed the octahedml cleavage and lines of crystallization are noticeable to a degree rarely seen in iron. It is, however, on the etched surface, prepared through treating a polished slab with diluted nitric aoid in the usual manner, that the beauty of the crystalline structure is best Keen. In this wsjeet it ranks nnaong the fioqst at recorded irons, I

tionaHy regular and "dfsfeinct." TSe tiroad bands of kamacite are symmetrical, the prominence of the interlacing of shining white threads of the niocoliferous iron heingespeoially remarkable, acd distinguishing it from the El Capitan meteorio iron, found ih 1893 about 90 mites noeth of Sacramento range. In the latter iron the percentage of iron is loss and nickel greater, phosphorus also being present. A quantitative analysis shows the following results, with a very small remainder undetermined: Iron, 91.39 per cent niekei 7.8® per cent cobalt, .53 per cent total, 99.77 per cent

The mass is perfectly preserved, there being no sign of disintegration or exudation of lawrencite. The sawing shows it to be quite soft and generally homogeneous. The entire lack of surface alteration proves that It fell at a comparatively recent date and leads to the conclusion that it is the meteor seen to fall by Sir. Bartlett, whose account led to the discovery.—New York Press.

V^ vf EASY TO SWEAR.

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The Stupidest of Parrots Can B«»«lily Aoquire the Habit. Third avenue, on the outskirts of the Bowery district, boasts the only "parrot academy" on this side of the Atlantic. In reality it is only the back room cf a bird fancier's shop, but in it many wonderful things are accomplished in the way of educating parrots. When asked about his methods, the proprietor of the shop, who is also the principal of the academy, explained at some length in exceedingly bad English. He said he was German, but he very much resembled an Italian. "You see, when the birds come in, I put them all loose in that room, whero thoy reniain for a few days until they become accustomed to their surroundings. Then I put with theiu a bird that can only say words of one syllable, as 'yes,' 'no,' 'cat,' 'dog.' He soon teaches.the. \sh$le lo$ what he knows. "Then I put in a bird that ca& say longer words and simple sentences, and when they have mastered his lessons yet another bird, who teaches them longer sentences and how to ask and answer questions. That is about as far as the bird teachers can go. "So my daughter and I finish off the smart ones, for parrots are like children, and all are not smart. I select the stupid birds and sell them off cheap, while the smart ones are still kept in that room until their education is complete. We teach them their letters and figures, how to add and subtract and to spell simple worfls with the aid of a blackboard. "Then my daughter teaches them to sing with a piano accompaniment, to tell the time of day and sometimes to dance to music. No, we never teach them to swear, for we have no demand for swearing birds, though several times I have missed selling a bright bird because he swore at me when I was trying to show him off. They learn bad words from the people who come in the store and the boys passing along tho streets. The stupidest parrot can learn to •wear."—New York Herald.

A Catastrophe.

The train was roaring along about 4t miles on hour and the conductor was busily punching tickets full of holes when little, thin old man who sat in one of tha corner seats plucked his sleeve. "M.r Conductor, you be sure and let me off at Speers station. You see, this is the first time I ever rode on steam cars, and I don't know anything 'bout them., You won't forget it, eh?" "AH right, sir. I won't forget."

The old man brushed back a stray lock of hair, and straightening himself, gazed with increasing wonder at the flying landscape, every now and then exclaiming: "Gracious!" "Byguni!"etc

Suddenly there was a crash, and after a number- of gymnastic moves that made him think of his school days, he found himself sitting on the grass of the embankment alongside the "track.

Seeing another passenger sitting a short distance away, patiently supporting various parts of the splintered car across bia legs he inquired: "Is this Speers crossing?"

The passenger, who was a drummer and not altogether new to stich happenings, replied, with a amile, although in considorabla pato: "No. This is catastrophe." "Is that so?" he irritably exclaimed. "Now I knew that conductor would put mo off at tho wrong place. "—Harper'a Round Tabla if

Voluntary Exchange and Taxes. Adajrn Smith long ago pointed out tha* in every voluntary exchange both parties profited. So tho average man, when lie buys a book or a goat, comes home with a feeling of satisfaction in T"is purchase. If the book is dull or if the coat does not fit, ho forms a resolution to deal no more with tho authors. On tho other hand, payments made for government services by way of taxation aye not exchanges, but forcible levies or exactions. The dissatisfaction inseparable from this method of expenditure ig enhanced when a man lius to p«y for a system of sewerage which he believes to be unscientific and dangerous for the education of other people's children, many of whom are as well able to pay for it as he is for the education of his own children in a curriculum which excludes his own religious beliefs and overworks them in subjects in the choice of which he has not been consulted for an administration of the poor law oppressive to the ratspaj er and inadequate and harmful to the poor themselves for costly and probably unsuccessful speculation in docks and canals and for a thousand other objects of a simikir character.—Quarterly Review.

A Crv at Man Facing Defeat. Mr. Gladstone, one of the greatest of Englishmen and man who has seen comparatively f«T7 of his plans of state suoceed, ia said to be personally disliked by Queen Victoria. Jfor years he had worked hard upon a plan having for its objeot the benofit of Ireland and Irish farmers and tenants. All of bis plans were frustrated. While his great policy was being wrecked he sat in the library of the house of commons and read tho words of a famous opera. Some friends, finding hiln there, expressed amazement. But thie act of the great minister did not indimte indiL'crenco. It showed rather a tension that sought relief Lu order to avoid worse effects, for when spoken to he said, with a voice full OX pathos, "Far the past five y^ars I have rolled this stone patiently up hill, and it is now rolled to the bottom again, and I am 81 ye*ie old.-Atlanta Constitution.

How Legged Men.

Do not revile tha bow legged man, for he plays an important part in the world. It is estimated that 40 per cent of mankind are bow legged, so numerically this clas* is entitled to great respect. Bowlegs invariably accompany robum physique. We find them one oi thfe conspicuous features of athletes. Comedians are almost always bow legged. Of the bow legged geniuses to which humanity points with pride the most illustrious examples are Cwaar, Horace, Napoleon, Wellington, Schopenhauer and Cavour, the celebrated Italian statesman.—I^ondon Answers.

Winking and Bending

:'il)r. Flck has shown that winking Us, more frequent as the re bin* becomes mot* fatigued, and it has been found that in rending at a distance the number of wmk« per minute is 1.8 with •iactriual iUuroina? tion, 2.8 with gaaiigfct- whiie with weak' illumination, which barely pennies reading, the number is G.8 per noinute.—Lon|»j .don SUincUfd.