Semi-weekly Express, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 26 January 1897 — Page 6

{THE HIRED GUESTS.

*DN5 OF THEM TELL8 ABOUT THg ,, TR10KS OF THE TRADE.

"|Th«y Get Engagements Through tlie "TTnlvenal Provider," With Whom They Refi*t«r—Mtwt Be W-ell Informed and More »r Leu Accomplished. i|£« ys

"It was not till I prevailed upon Mr. Itfhlteley of Westbourne Grove to place my came on the register be keepB for supplying people with evening guests that I reoognized the juetioe of the appellation, the 'unlvmsal provider,' said a gentlemanly looking man reoently. "My first engagement was at the house of a rich provincial manufacturer, who, having made a fortune, had left his native town and started an establishment in the west and. Some friends—for a consideration, yon may be sure—introduced him to so many good people that he at last venfenied to issue invitations for a dinner, With a ball to follow, but the day before the event the poor man had such a number of refusals that he bad to apply to Mr. Widjteiey, and 1, among others, helped to fill the vacancies "It must not be supposed that the part of a hired gnest is an easy one to play. The conversational tastes of the people we visit are so varied that I have .not only po keep myself posted on all questions and gossip of the day, but be prepared to set the ball rolling on all sorts of abstruse topics from theology to spiritualism. "As a rule, I generally get my instructions some days beforehand, but if they don't come to hand I either caM or write. Ptiblio questions require very delicate handling. For instance, if. the discussion tnitafl

the wretched Armenian business,

I fljod that the ladies are for interference at all costs, while the gentlemen are not. "From dining out so much have naturally onjtiv&ted a very fastidious palate. jTMs Is fortunate, for were I to eat otherwise than sparingly the brilliancy of my conversation would be sadly dimmed. Dinner conversation requires considerable management. When I first started, I used to let off some of my best jokes to while away that melancholy half hour which precedes the dinner. They were Invariably $o utterly wasted that I. now never joke till after the first- course, and then only slightly, till I see how the dinner is appreciated. .. 1i "Although I do well during the season, I think I like Christmas best. Strange as It may seem, there are still a number of families who love to keep Christmas in the old fashioned way. "Not long since one of the sons of my host blurted out during the evening that it was his last night a^ home, as next morning a pal and himself intended starting for South America, and, kfter making their way to* the Amazon river, start or-, ohid bunting to make their fortunes. fe "Being the favorite son, the family, or course, were greatly disturbed at the news, seeing which I calmly announoed that during my travels in South America I had personally explored every inch of the river. 'You are too late, my boy,' I said. 'All the naturalists I met Inst year were terribly disappointed. The country has been literally stripped. You won't find an orohid there, I can promise you.' "The grateful look the mother gave me pleased me almost as much as the £5 note my host slipped into my band atparting. "The growing dislike of patrioian yonng men to dnnoing sends many a Belgravian footman to Whiteley's during the season. Although we hired guests are treated with tho most charming courtesy in high life— Indeed, the higher we go the nicer I find the people are—still some of our tasks are far from pleasant. 'Look here, Mr. ——,' young Lord once said to me: 'My sister's been and fallen in love with a cad of fellow I hate. Now, I want you to out bim out. You're a good looking fellow, so I think you'll succeed. If you try, but fail, I'll give you £5 if you succeed, I'll make )t£20.' "I did sucked, but my rival took it out of me in JRogent street the night after he got his conge. lama bit of a bruiser myself, but he was a better. "Two other hired guests and myself were once the means of bringing about the marriage of a very accomplished, amiable, but dreadfully plain girl. At the house where I was engaged I noticed that not on-, )y was she not asked to dance, but was completely ignored by all the marriageable men present. But after the hired guests— there were three of us—had trotted her out It dozen times and whispered it about the room that she was a very nice girl and Hot a bit ugly when you came to talk to her, other fellows took her on. "When I met her at a ball six months later, 1 was glad to hear she was engaged. "A distinctly unpleasant episode occurred to me last Christmas. One of the daughters at a bouse where I was engaged to danoe lured me during the evening into violent flirtation. As she knew who' I was her conduct naturally surprised me. "Still, the way in which she encouraged me was so unmistakable that at last I decided she was really in love.' For quite a couple of hours I debated with myself what 4o do, deciding that it would be my duty to tell her during the next danoe that an impassable gulf separated ua. "I might have saved myself the trouble, for after a short conversation with a good looking fellow she had not spoken to during the evening she came to me and said: 'Please forgive me. It was very wrong, I know, but I have only been flirting with you to make Charley jealous. I had a row with him yesterday. I think I'll make it up now. Don't say a word. I told Charley you were a South African millionaire. Please don't tell him who you realty w»' —Pearson's Weekly. j|U

DON'T WASTE CO A*,

The World Is Burning Up Its Fuel Supply Too ITaat. The whole system of locomotion is threatened with imminent revolution. The two horses, one of flesh and one of iron, one eating oats and the other coal, find tbelr vocations going away together. Solenoe threatens to burn their caroasse^on the same pyre. Electricity offers itself as a looomotive force for the nationa The •team locomotive, vaunted embiem and token of the greatest of centuries, finds itself at the close about to be relegated to the great ash heap of curiosities before which civilization stands laughing. But the thing is not yet certain. Wo cannot make haste to dig a grave for the locomotive. It may be that tho twentieth century will still demand that heavy, 'clumsy, but very efficient brute whose ofBce It has been for two generations to carry m&n and his products to the ends of- the •Stttli. The substitution of electricity for steam as a motive force on the great railways of the United ^States,* which new- seems so imminent, will be, if it comes, the most marvelous single change that .hqs qvar occurred among the physics of the civilized life of man.

Oddly enough, tho event is held back by one of the caprices of progress. The strength of the locomotive' is its imperfeotion. The application of steam to enginery Is accompanied with an error whioh has cost civilization more dearly than any other flaw in her apparatus. The acceptance of eleotrjolty as the one great motive force is strongly impeded by a circumstance whioh, according to all logical deduction, ought long sinoe to have been obviated. This otroumstanoe lies in the application of heat, or rather in the evolhtitn of heat and its economy in the production of pows, er. Fully four-fifths of all the fuel of the 'JVworld is thrown away. Th'e 70,000,000 le l?Bf^c^t»tes_are burning

up tbelr own most precious an absolute waste of more than 80 pw of the whole. Victor Hugo cbided tbe r* risians for sending annually through sewers 35,000,000 francs into the Wbjrt si)ail we «ay of the whole world shoveling ooel into the roaring hroa" 100,000,000 furnaoes? There is not an en gine anywhere, or ever was, that eoo mlzes more than 20 per cent of the which it devours.—John Clark Rldpatsb Brooklyn Times.

SUPREME JUSTICES' GOWNS.

Our Early Statesmen's Twit In Selecting -s Fitting Court Dress. Ex Pr&sident Harrison tells of the contention created ovei*the question of an ap propriate court dress for the justices of federal supreme court in The Ladle Home Journal. "When the

organization

the court bad been set

and the hi duty of selecting the j"8"1*9 had

bean

performed by Washington,

says, "the smaller but not wholly un ro porta

question of a court "dress l°oin

up and much agitated and divided

minds of our publlo men. Shall the jus-

uiiiiuoui

WONDERFUL TIMEPIECE.

It Ticks Its Seconds as Prescribed by the "Clock Stars." The sidereal clock is considered he moat wonderful instrument in the Greenwich observatory. This marvelous instrument is in an underground room culled the magnetic basement, where it stunds like a sontinel, with its back against the wall, tiuking its seoonds as prescribed by the "dock stars."

This' referenoe to the "clock stars"— fixed stars slightly over 200 in number, which are used for determining sidereal time—brings us to the transit circle, the most important instrumentintheobservat'ory, and one of the most interesting,

It consists of a large telescope, the ontside of which is not unlike a great cannon, as it is of solid iron. This instrument is supported by trunnions, which allow the telescope to be elevated or depressed, to point north or south, and, in fact, to moke a complete revolution, but never to diverge from the north and south line. The magnifying power of this instrument is not very great, but its field of view is larga, so that it admits plenty of light, for it is not intended as a searchcr after or gazer at celestial objects, but for noting the exact time at which stars and planets pass 60uth and north of Greenwich.

Upon looking through this telescope the observer's eye is first arrested by a vertical row of what seem to be iron bars placed at equal distances from eaoh other. They are, however, neither more nor less than spiders' webs, the center one, passing through the focus of the object glass, fee-, lng the meridian line

By observing the time at which the "clock stars" pass over the web lines, or "wires," as they are called, is sidereal time regulated. The adjustment of the instrument has to be extremely exact in ordejc to obviate error. The slightest thing will put it out, even so sm^ll a matter as too much sunshine.

On one ocoasion the correction for a level error in the instrument having become inconveniently large, owing, apparently, to a, subsidence of the eastern support, about a ton weight of stone was placcd on the western pier. But thi» having no effect, the stones were removed and a sheet of very thin paper was placed under the support on the eastern side, by which means the error was corrected. This will give some idea of the delicaoy of adjustment necessary for the perfect working of this ponderous instrument.—New Orleans Picayune.

The Old and the New Terror. It is known generally that the monitor Terror, which has just gone into commission, has been building for a score of years. The same is true of the other monitors— Puritan, Monadnock and Ampbitrite. The Miantonomoh, which went into commission about two years ago, was also started at the same time that the others were laid down. That was in 1874 and in 1875.

This group of monitors represents a different grade of vessel from that for which they were intended originally. The delay in iinishing them has resulted in making them modern. They are now unsurpassed in their fighting qualities. They have modern guns, modern armor, modern engines and twin screwa These ships have been built and rebuilt. To convert them into fighting machines of an advanoed type it has been necessary to rebuild them under tho guise of "repairs." It is believed generally that the Terror has never been in oommiesion until recently. The executive officer of the Terror surprised his mates in the wardroom the other day by saying:

say, the Terror was in commission when I

was a young officer, and I was attached to

must be some one piece of the old ship in

can find that pieoe of the original vessel.

find it."—New York Sun.

Primacy of Ancient Literature.

It is suoha schooling that we get from the

world's literature. The books have disap-

peared which were not geuuine—whioh Bpoko things whioh, if they were worth saying at ajl, were not worth hearing more than onoe, as well as the bdbks which spoke permanent things, clumsily and without the 'gift of interpretation. Tba kind air which blows from age to age has disposed of them like vagrant

There was sap in them fcyr a little, but now

Class Passions In France.

In France a government always does wrong to rely solely for support upon tba exoluslve interests and selfish passions of one class. This ban ouly succeed With nations more self interested and less vain* than ours. With us, when a government established upon this basis becomes unpopular, it follows that the members of the gfeoae sake it has

larltj? prefer the pleasure of traduo-

''"H &U

ipn

IKIS?

constitutional

the world to the privileges

it assures them. The old French whloh was more enlightened oar modern middle class and posmnoh greater esprit de corps, had tbe same example. It had thinking it a mark of distinction

*own own privileges and by

MWsliig against the abuses upon whioh j: T'fted. That is why I think that, upon °'e» safest method of government IOJ|U8 to adopt in order to endure is that gwerning well—governing in the inter-f-flgpf everybody. I am bonhd to confess, that even when one follows this oottrseifc Is not very certain that one will *9* long.—Beoolleotions of D* locqaevllle.

"3 Dancing In Hungary. V-r-'r: Jtwas ^0 first time I had ever attempted ,to danoe the osardas, though I bad seen 0 performed on the stage and In the .villages score* of times before. However, we started off in great style, and the adagio movement proved easy enough. The music quicker and quicker the dancers

whirled and twirled and pirouetted. So did

Wcea"wear gown^rXnd"If yea, the gown of Jfr feet «»•. «d I filled in the 4-i.„ .Ahnio. nt tha "R.nmHn senator or of lDysrstiqes with the scholar, of the Roman senator the priestP Shall they wear.the wig of the English judges? Jefferson and Hamilton, who had differed so widely in their views as to the frame of the constitution, were again in opposition upon these questions relating to millinery and hairdressing. "Jefferson was against any needless official apparel, but, if the gown was to carry, ho said,'For heaven's sake discard tse monetrouB wig whioh makes the English judges look like rats peeping throug bunches of oakum.' Hamilton was for tue English wig with the English gown. Burr was for the English gown, but against the 'inverted woolsack termed a wig.1 lh0 English gown was taken and the wig left and I am sure that the flowing bluck silk gown still worn by tho justicos helps to preserve in the courtv^jCTn that dignity and sense of solemnity which should always characterize the place of judgment."

eri

all tbe ballot steps imagi

naple. The others left off one after the oth-

bht still my partner went on, under the impression that I wanted to danoe bim down. The gypsies played as though tbey were possessed. I grew breathless the perspiration rolled down my partner's brown cheeks And fell off on to his white sbirt in big drops. "Nagy faradt, nagy faradt!" 1 gasped, weaning to say I was very tired, thpugh not saying exaotly what I meant. He, poor man, took this as a great compliment and only danced on the harder. I dared j)ot stop, because the countess bad warned me beforehand that I must get through the danoes somehow or it-would create" offdnse. Each time we passed near them I shrieked: "Do stop hlmt I shall be dead!" But tbey were enjoying the scene, and the more eccentric my steps became the louder grew the buzz of admiration. The peasants thought it must be the latest fashion.' At last the count insinuated that it was enough, some one signed to the gypsies to stop, and I dropped into a chair exhausted.—H. Ellen Browning in "Wanderings In Hungary." ^1

The Harei^ In the Orient.

Captain J. W. 6am bier, royal navy, who has seen muoh of eastern life, believes in the harem as best suited to the followers of Islam. In The Fortnightly Review he thus cites the past:

Perhaps the most illogical attack1 of Christendom against Islam is as to the continuance of the institution of the harem, that institution whWh is literacy a red rag to a bull to us. Certain things are inherently true of themselves, and one might be disposed to imagine that the moraHty of the Omnipotent would be one of these, would be a question not admitting of dispute,' inflexible and eternal. The nfoml latot are very few, and lying (in all its branches), theft, murder and adultery Would seem to embrace them all.

But the Christian convicts his Creator of having had the laxest views as regards the last at one period—David, Solomon, and so forth—by laying his finger on this very Institution in the religion of Mohammed as the one convincing evidence of its damnable wickedness.. It seems never to occur to the Christian that the Omnipotent is under no immediate obligation to blow hot and cold to suit him. Th(^ system of the harem is admirably suited to oriental nature, as it is at present, and is an immense advanoe on that of Nicolas, a companion of Jesus," and one of the seven 'first deacons of Jerusalem, who preaohed the community of women. The court of any Biblical king was very muoh the same as that of Abdul «Azij, and there is not muoh toohoose between Ahab and Abdul Hamid —hundreds of women guarded by eunuchs, court parasites, dancers and all the usual accompaniments of eastern life all power and wealth concentrated in the hands of a timid, weak monarch thousands of poor wretches starving in countries desolated war, and so forth. J-

Speed of Suburban Trains.

In "Past Trains and Business Polioy" Colonel H. G. Prout, in The Engineering Magazine, thus explains the double advantages gained by rapid service:

It is obvious that, as increased speed of suburban trains adds to the wealth and to the comfort of mankind, so it will add to tho revenues of the railroads JUiemselves, arid It is obvious that, other things being nearly equal, the railroad that gives tho fastest service will be preferred by suburban residents. The result is a rapid developmentof its suburbs and its suburban businera. A thin suburban traffic is a bad business It is done at a. loss to tho railroad and is unsatisfactory to the commuter, and the service must, in the nature of things, he poor. A dense suburban business is probably profitable. It is easily handled, considering its volume, and is likely to be as nearly satisfactory to the commuter as it oan be made. But I have yet to know more than about« dozen satisfied commuters, and my knowledge of them is extended.

A characteristic instance of the increase of suburban speed and of Its effect oomes from one of the big railroads entering Chicago. In eigjt years the average speed rose from about 20 miles to about 30- miles an hour, and in that time the volume of the suburban business more than doubled, but I'tbe inorease is oertainly not due entirely to improved train service mora largely to other conditions."

A Tough Old Pie.

In former times passengers to Gloucester by the Great Western railway bad to stop at Swindon long enough to lunch at the

"Do you know. I once sailed into Ha-! station, says London Truth. Lord Somers vana harbor on this very ship—that is to

cften

went to and from Eastnor onstlo and

often

tried to have meals at Swindon, but

wa8

her. This is supposed to be the same ves- q0 refreshment contractors. In one sel. It is a new ship Instead. Still there

forced to leave off trying. There were

his halts he was given a veal pie in a

turret

this one. She has been completely rebuilt Eastnor. under the'repairs'system. Some day I'm I jje thought he had seen the pie before going to try to hunt around and see if I!

of crust as hard as any tower at

vftin

rust

It must be here somewhere, but I venture ?ig head. The earl had a quantity of gumto say it will be many moons before v?e

endeavored to cut into the pie

walL A merry thought oame into

labels for curios in his pocket. He

^mmed one of them on the bottom of the I {L

and

leaves. husband

left. A fortnight later he return-

ordered

You do not know the world uutil you ^bel on the bottom of the turret that was know the men who have possessed it and set before,.him. tried its waros before ever you were given k?— your brief run upon it. And there is no Old IWiioned JournaUsm sanity comparable with that which is visitor with blood J* his eye called schooled in the thoughts that will keep,

they are gone, we do not Know where. All deathliterature that has lasted has this claim upon ua—that it is not dead. But we cannot be qoite so sure of any as we are of the ancient literature that still lives, because none has lived so long. It holds a sort of primacy in the aristooracy of natural selection.—Professor Woidrow in Forum.

the same lunch and found the

a Soringfleld

an four

11,8

y«™re

editor the other day and

attempts to introduce the .latest

a Wooonn'i trmt -rtn

,ition of Smith. & Wesson's work on •'Perforation!''' He succeeded in putting head on the editor, but no crape on

^ctum^-CbicagoTlme^Herald. like Him. Bereaved—Well, doctor, now that the interval permits my speaking oalpily of

hnsband's

demise, I am promoted to

our confirmed opinion as to the causp

Doctor—A

amadaui

complication. of diseases,

__Ah I That was so.like him.

He'alwVys versatile in everything.— HJchniond Dispatch.

The Speoiesof

moss called nostoch is said

Lnatnralists

to bear an exceedingly close

E ambiance in itssensitivenessstmin aniJtruSure. Upon the least touch

•pain. I Tbe waap insect highwayman. b«ve often been observed rob beef i^^eseindnstri^^ke^tow^ %he fruits of an exp^ition, jlo tii« W**-

ESTRANGEMENT.

So, with overt breach, we JuIl apartT Tacitly sunder—neither you nor I Conscious of one intelligible wliy, AnH both

from

severance whining equal smart.

So, with resigned and acqaieeotnfc heart, Whene'er your name entente chance lip may lie,

I seem to see aa alien shade pass by, A spirit wherein I have no lo! or part. Thus may a captive, in tone forest grim.

From casual speoch .betwixt his wardens learn That June on her trtampbal progress goes Through arched and bannered woodland# while for bim phfr is legend emptied of concern,

Ani idle is the rumor of the rose. —Wttlisin Watson.

SHERIDAN AND MEADE.

A Quarrel Between Them Th*t ted to the Crashing of Stuart. Sheridan bad been sent for by Meade to come to bis headquarters, and when he arrived, between 11 and 18 o'clock that morning, a very acrimonious dispute took place between the two general^ Meade was possessed of an excitable temper, wbfob under iwitating circumstances became almost ungovernable. He bad worked himself into a towering passion regarding the delays encountered in the forward movement, and^when Sheridan appeared went at bim hammer and tongs, accusing him of blunders and charging him with not making a proper disposition of bis troops and letting the cavaliy block the advance of the infantry.

Sheridan was equally, flesy, and, smarting under the belief that he was unjustly treated, all the Hotspur in his nature was aroused. He insisted that Meade bad created the trouble by countermanding his (Sheridan's) orders, and that it was this aot whioh had resulted in mixing up bis troops with the infantry, exposing one cavalry division to great danger and rendering ineffeotual all' his combinations trding the movements of the cavalry c5^3. Sheridan declared with great warmth that he would not oommand the cavalry any longer under such conditions and said if he could have matters his own way he would concentrate ajl tha cavalry, move-out in force against. Stuart's,com: mand and whip it. His language through out was highly spiced^ ipi conspicuously italicized .with. expletpg%,

General. Meade came^over. to- General Grant's tent immedid^jrfteraoclre)ated the. interview to excitement of the one was. in singula* jgimtrast With Jtye calmness of the othpjj, ^jWhen Meade repeated the remarkfl ^wG^ by. Sheridan, that he could move §ut with his oavalry and whip Stuari, G^jal Grant quietly observed: "Did Sherj^jaOySay that? Well, he generally knows,he is talking about. Let him startr$iiitf autana do it." By 1 o'clock Sheridan Ipd received his orders in writing f^yn, Meade for the movement. Early tl»„next morning.he started upon his famous'raid in the vicinity of Richmond in re^f of the enemy's army and made good his,word.—-General Horace Porter in Century.

V|?vtj

Poultney Bigelow and Court Etiquette. The court etiquette appears to be a rigid and arbitrary rule, ^od it can be so when circumstances demand it. But in praotice the court officials charged with the social engagements of their sovereign exeroise great tact in anticipating the public or private engagements of those whom they are about to honor with a royal oommand. Americans are the principal sufferers in this matter of court etiquette abroad, bceause we are apt to see all that is disagreeable in the rule without realizing the beneficent quality of the exceptions. During my stay in the capital of Natal I was in a painful predicament on A: point of etiquette tfWaioh would have Caused no einbarrasstiaent on our side of the Atlantic.

It was in this way: The prime minister of the colony had invited me to his house for a particular date, and after I had accepted that invitation there came one fi'om the governor for the same day and hour. Now, as between citizens it was dear that I should have declined the governor's invitation and have gone to tho house of the prime minister. But I w«s not among citizens, but among subjects of Queen Victoria. In a British colony the governor receives royal honors as the personal representative of his sovereign.

I knew just enough about etiquette to know that I needed a woman's assistance, and therefore I sought the wife of an official well versed in social traditions and put the case to her. Sfre pronounced a verdict in favor of the queen's majesty, and by that verdict I was, compelled to abide, though I subsequently: discovered that the prime minister himself highly disapproved of the governor's pretensions. If this paragraph serves as a wfaraing to others, I shall not regret the discomfort whioh I had to endure.—Harper's Weekly. I c, „,

An Ennged'Ottrich.

To be overtaken all cm' a sudden without time for preparation a cheeky ostrioh is one of the greatest ill» flesh is heir to aqd might result disastrously1 to the uninitiated, but old hands are always all there in an emergency.

Undoubtedly the best weapon, barring a wire fence, is a good stout stick or, blunt pitchfork. As a rule, if a bird means to have your life or dio in the attempt, he charges from about 80 yards, when you receive bim at the bayonet's point. He rushes at yo*: with flashing eye, looking the very embodiment of fury. Drawing himself up to a height of 10 feot or more, with wings outstretched and hissing like* cobra he makes four or five strikes. You retreat a pace or two, 60 as to avoid the fork piercing through his neck, and hold him off at arm's length till he l8arns that his efforts are useless. Drawing tho fork sharply ttway, you strike hvm a blow on the naOk, rendering him insensible and taking away his breath. This quiets him for awhile, till he recovers from his bewilderment and makes a fresh oharge, when the fork is again presented.—Strand Magazine.

One of the Many.

"I say. old man," remarked the otfhar man's friend, "really, you won't take it amiss if I give you a pointer?" "No, indeed. What is it?" "Ratherjpereonal, don't you know." "TeH me. I don'tNaM1.'" "Well, now, you •'froti'fc be offended I hope, but you—er—really ought to take more pains with your dress. Now, I think you have worn that siiit three months. Haven't you?" ai ^Believe yon arerfgfll^What of it?M "It looks it. pay mote attention to your »*fl6ft»te0£ Ycrd ifcnow what they way in, Shakespeare, 'The habit oft proclaims tbbraaiif' NoW, look au mo. Don't yaa know, I?ha&l£s$w suits made during the pa^t year.'I'| vKn "You don't say I I bW joe idea there were that many new taibtcs in the city.", —Chicago Timee-Her&idt ,*

Jost liike tbo if^thera.

-/"Now, don't try to teH me anything about honeymoons, «8idn Mrs. Sprightly to her sentimental husband.

And why not, pray?" "Beoausc I've baai^4 4n four of them, and you talk just llk^ftsy other novice." —Detroit Free Press.

The legal weight of a bushel of beans in most states Is 60 pounds. In New York it is 68 and In Maine 64 pounds.

Mlik applied onoe a week with a soft cloth freshens and preserves boots and •hoes..

When tiie oat washes her face, look out %ir a rain.

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