Saturday Evening Mail, Volume 25, Number 11, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 8 September 1894 — Page 7

HOW

TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY.

If you'd make a woman happy, tix. A,* Fill her heart with sunlight raya, Make her life a joy and pleasure

And prolong her earthly days. Do not think in grand endeavor jsj Yon'd arrive at what you aim. Do not think in riches lavish -iP

Nor the baable, social fame,'

Is the royal road to heaven Compassed by a woman's heart, For the riches, fame and splendor 4

In her life is but a part. I "What will thrill her heart to trembling And allay internal strife Is the little kind attentions.

The amenities of life. —Ned Whately in Detroit Free Press.

CIRCUMSTANCES.

The king of Circumstances was feeling *«lccidelly cheerful. He had just heard -something that pleased him immensely.

Ho had sent a legion of CLrcuinstanoea -against a certain man who had, before that, been certain of success, and the man, •after a desperate struggle, had capitulated 60 the legion by dying abjectly.

So the king of Circumstances smiled -and said to ono of his Circumstances: "•'The kiug desires to bo amused. Let there be games!"

By the time the royal procession reached "the Coliseum everything was in readiness. The crowd wa9 enormous, for the fame •of the king's exceeding cheerfulness had -eprmd quickly, and his subjects knew that there would be some particularly fascinating games that day. "Now, then," began the king, a littie Impatiently, as soon as he had settled himself on the divan in the royal box, "what «omes first?"

It was the custom in the Coliseum to announce the programme by the mouth -of a Circumstance whom they called the •chairman. The chairman had an accent that belonged to the English music hall, but that also is merely a circumstance. "Hi 'ave to announce, lydies and gentlemen, that Hi've been harsked by the -well known Champion Circumstance to tissue a challenge to hany man wot wishes to meet 'im in a 5 foot ring. Roman rules to pro wail. Thumbs down, iand the whipped man parsses hout. Thumbs up, hand he goes free. Walk up, •walk up! Does hany one wish to meet the champion?"

First of all, from a far door, issued a most beautiful girl, slim, tall and garbed most delightfully. There were huge puffs in her sleeves that made her hands look jill the smaller. Her gown widened a little •where it came close to her feet, and thus it was that the slenderness of her waist seemed more symmetrical than symmetry itself her curls were flying into the breeze .a little under her large, beflowered hat her shoes were brown, and her step was as buoyant as the spring She was singing something 60 softly that the crowd only •caught the faintest echo Of It.

And while she was advancing thus, dinging, another door opened, and Cupid came forth. No sooner had he seen her than he took aim and sent an arrows traighfc at her heart. As the shutc •wounded her, the girl turned her eyes sorely toward the boy and moaned. She put her hands to her heart. But the strange thing was that she held the arrow fast and made no effort to pull it forth. So, when Cupid saw that he had wounded her and that she was glad, he began to run toward her to kiss ter, and she, with one banc fitili clasping the arrow so that it went -deeper and deeper into her heart, waited for him with parted lips and an invitation in her eyes.

The boy was within a few yards of her when a third door opened and there appeared a Circumstance. Immediately a most strange change came over the girl. Her eyes turned toward the Circumstance, -and a steely look came into them. She drew herself up a little, and a stern purpose straightened her mouth.

Cupid, wondering and pained, stopped •short. She turned away from him, and •walked toward the Circumstance, who merely stood quite still, smiling hideously. As she went, she tore AJhe arrow of •Cupid from her heart and «irow it before her into the sawdust, so that as she strode forward she stepped upon it and broke iu into fragments. And while Cupid throw himself upon his pretdA'ncc, shaking with sobs, his quiver flung i*?.sido him, the girl kissed the Circumstance

But the Ciroumstftric *.aly smiled quite •coldly, even while it folded her in its arms.

For It happened to be a Bank Account. The king had begun to be quite pleased •with this number when It happened that he felt an irresistible desire to yawn. It •was really duo to lute hours in the past, but he decided at once that it must be due to the present. So he frowned at tho chairman again. "Did you see me yawn?" he said severely. "Did you? When tho games are so stupid that the king has to yawn, h'm"— He did not finish, but tho chairman felt uneasy because of the th.ngs that the king had omitted to say. He hastened on to the next announcement. "The title of hour next number is a 'Tableau of Today,'" ho cried, "hand "which explains itself."

When everything had been arranged by a multitude of slaves of Circumstance, the scene showed ft largo office, with roller top desks and a typewriter stand. In tho foreground wan a clerk who had served his company 15 years. He looked it.

At the desk sat the Company. It was thinking, through the pangs of headache, of the night before and the day before that On the day before it bad run up against a most unlucky lot of Circumstances. It had made a huge speculation in stocks of the P. P. C. railway, and the speculation had gone very wrong indeed. Then, in order to roooup itself, the Company had trlod its luck at cards that even ing. And every trial turned out more disastrously than the last. So this morning the Company saw that it had got to do something to lessen expenses.

To resign at the club was out of tho question. Tc give up tho box at the opera would be abs trd. When you have accustomed yourself to an expensive brand of cigars and wines, it is really quite impossible to drink or smoke anything Inferior

There was only one thing to bo done, and the Company was going to do it. It called the lovely damsel who was In the next room. It said to her, ''Take a letter, please!"

And while the company was dictating the letter the clerk, who had served the company for 15 years, was thinking over the queer fate that had ruled him into this rut where he only just earned enough to keep himself and his family from hanger. And then again ho ooncluded by congratulating himself on having such good, steady employment. It was more than many men had.

He looked up, some one hating touched film on tho thoulder. It was tho lovely

typewriter damsel, and she handed him a letter. He read this: DKAB SIB—Oiroumstancea over which we have no control necessitate a reduction of expenses. Your resignation will he accepted on tho 1st of the month. THB COMPANY.

Tho clerk looked out ol the window silently. Outside the people were hurrying along tho street ceaselessly. It was like a huge torrent He read the letter again, smiling rather queerly. Then ho opened a small drawer of his desk and took out a very small tin box. It smelt of poppies. He poured the contents into his mouth and threw his head back, swallowing with a quick gulp. Then he lotted out of the window again, and walteu^for—a certain Circumstanoe.

One of the last things he heard was the Company saying to tho lovely typewriter damsel, ''Wasn't this the night you were going to take supper with me?"

There was a great deA of applause at the conclusion of this tableau. The king came so near to smiling that tho chairman began to feel safe and reckless. "HI will now present to you," haannounced pompously, "ha Domestlo Detail, which will be the last hof hour hattractions for this day." He bowed very low, and, still bowing at odd moments, returned to his chair.

The king frowned as he watched him, but he said nothing, for the play was beginning.

These two, this young man and his wife, had only been married a little over a year, and that year had boon as a dream 0Imperfect happiness. These twain had been one, in the most complete and delightful way possible. All their joys and sorrows they had shared.

But now there happened to them a Circumstanoo that wrought a cruel change in them both. The Circumstance was a lovable one, and that was the pity of it. The young husband looked at the Circumstance and began to feel a fearful hate toward It, for the reason that he caught his wife looking at it with love in her eyes. And there were moments when she. too, looking at it, found her husband's eyes fixed lovingly upon it, and then she hated it fiercely and blindly. As for the Circumstance, it kept smiling to itself.

Jealousy and unreason roigned now between these two. They grew nervous, touchy, irritable. Each feared that the Circumstance was robbing him or her of the other's love. And then, again, there came moments when, driven by pride and vanity, each determined to conquer in the fight and win the sole title to the Circumstance's love.

One day a fearful thought caiueto them both. Each struggled with the thought, but it triumphed. Then they gave way to it. The thought, in each of them, was that if the Circumstanco were out of the way they might return to the old days when they loved each other so dearly.

The Circumstance was lying up stairs, asleep. Through the half open door the husband approached on tiptoe. He went round to the other side of the couch, and in his hand, which was shaking a little, was a glass of water. He had reached the farther side of the couch and was just pouring a white powder into the water when his eyes took on a queer fixed stare.

Through the half open door came his wife, and in her right hand was a «^ass of water. Her eyes were fixed upon' the face of the Circumstance, and in the lines of her own face a. battle was raging between Love and Self Sacrifice and Hate.

The eyes of husband and wife met, and two glasses of water went crashing to the floor. Quick signs of shame dyed their faces, and after an instant of helpless consternation they came into each other's arms, and for a long time held each other so, silently

When'the Circumstance awoke, it heard had

them speaking all manner of strange things. ''We will never let it come between us again," they were saying. "We will love each other first, and for it we will have an equal, though a secondary affection. But, first of all, we will love each other."

The Circumstance smiled to itself, thinking they might have come to that conclusion long ago without all this trouble and heartache. It did not know how near it had come to never waking from that sleep. of their new cumstance bl tions. To be mean nothing more nor less than defeat.

But they merely listened to its ragings and smiled. "Wait," they said "presently we will attend to you. Just now we two have a long fast to atone for." Then in a delicious whisper, "Come, dear, let us go for a walk alone together as "we used to in the old days."

And they went out, leaving the Circumstance howling with defeat and wounded vanity.

For tho Circumstance was their own child. A queer curl camo to tho king's mouth, something between a smile and a sneer. Ho called the chairman to him. ''You will now receive the reward of justice," he said. "Kindly step down into the arena." Then ho gave a signal to a Circumstanco by his side, and this Circumstanco went down into tho arena with tho chairman, who was white and trembling.

Tho chairman, in a fearful apprelien sion, started to cry out for help. But the vast audicnct in a fashion since become quite universal, bad already arisen from its seats, and with much rustling of skirts and fans and crumpling of paper and shutting up of opera glasses and talking and laughing was proceeding up tho huge aisles and out of tho Coliseum. 80 what* ever tho chairman had wished to say was Jeft unheard.—Perolval Pollard in Chap Book,

The Way He tlked III* Hair Cut. "How will you want your hair out, sir?" said tho talkative hairdresser to tho man in the chair. "Minus conversational prolixity," re plied the patient. "How's that, sir?" "With abbreviated or totally eliminated narrations."

WI—j*—don't

The Grandson ot Sir Robert Peel Criticised For Courting Newspaper Notoriety# "Bobby" Peel, about aa well known a young fellow about town iw Loudon eve* produood, has oome over here with the avowed determination to marry Miss Kittie Sauford, the daughter of tho Adams Express Sauford a, who are of oourae awfully rioh.

Theee are the same Stvnfords whose action ruined John Hoey, and who have pursued the remnants of his estate with singular persistency.

Young Bobby Peel's ambition is ft very laudable one, as Miss Sauford is a very pretty and aooomplished girl and an heiress to boot, and better than all has evinoed a very, decided partiality for Mr. Peel.

At the same time many old fashioned people will object to the methods employed by Peel to overoome the opposition of Miss Saui'ord's family,

Love is a passion that needs no advertising, and a sweetheart's name is not the one to be bandied about in daily print

If young Peel loves Miss Sanford as muoh without as with her prospective fortune, he can elope with her at any time—provided she is willing.

just

quito catch your mean

ing, sir." "With quiescent mandibulars." "Which?" "Without effervesoent verbosity." "Sir?" "Let diminutive colloquy bo conspicuous by its abs^nock"

The hairdresser scratched his head thoughtfully for a second and then went over to the p.oprietor Of the shop with tho whispered remark: "I don't know whether that gentleman in my chair is mad or a foreigner, but I can't find out what he wants."

The proprietor went to tho waiting customer and se'd politely: "My man doesn't seem to understand you. How would you like your hair cut?" "In silence.0

The proprietor gave a withering look at his journeyman, white the latter began work and felt so utterly cruslied that he neve* even asked his patient if he'd buy a bottle of hair restorer.—London Tit-Bits-

TERRE HAUTE SATURDAY EVENING MAIL, SEPTEMBER 8,1894.

TROUBLE IN HIGH LIFE.

He hus taken the newspapers into his confidence and makes long statements about his own worthiness and undying love and calls his sought after relatives all kinds of names for denying his suit.

It is doubtful if he would try such a game at home in England. If young Peel really loves Miss San* ford as he declares he does (in the newspapers), it would be more dignified for him to keep her name out of public journals.

Love laughs at locks and' bars, but grows oold under newspaper interviews and long winded statements.

Another alternative also presents itself to Mr. Peel. If he loves Miss Sanford as much as he says he does (on papery why cannot he settle down and do something to prove his love?

The Sanfords object to him because he has been a ne'er do well and has cost his father a lot of money to keep him going in the eooiety in which he is entitled to live.

But by all odds my advice to Bobby is to keep out of the newspapers. It would be simply horrible if he published some of Miss Sanford's letters to prove how she loves him. Yet he seemed to be just on the verge of such insanity yesterday. Charley Knickerbocker in New York Reoorder.

KOCH'S LATEST DISCOVERY

Dr. Edson of New York's Board of Health Seys It Is a Sure Cure For Diphtheria.

At a recent session of the state board of health of New York Dr. Cyrus A. Edson gave an account of the theory and practical application of Dr. Koch's last discovery, which he considers an absolute and infallible cure for diphtheria if applied within 36 hours after infection. To study and report upon this remedy Dr. Herman M. Biggs, the bacteriologist of the' New York board of health, had been sent to Berlin and

retur^d confirming alljhe

enthusiastic reports concerning the discovery which had made their way to this country.

It was the purpose of the health department, Dr. Edson announced, to ask from the board of estimate and apportionment a sufficient appropriation to establish a plant for the production of this infallible specific, which otherwise would be too costly to be within the

uuiuo means of poor people. Dr. Edson assertAnd then, as the full purport fed confidently that if this remedy were resolution came to it, the Cir^ placed in the hands of the health deu.—. partment it would save next year the lives of 1,500 people in this city.

iluateaq^with mighty objects secona in their affection

The division of pathology and bacteriology at 42 Bleecker street gave an exhibition of specimens of bacteria under the direction of Dr. Biggs. Autopsies were made upon two guinea pigs which had been inoculated with diphtheria bacilli. Tho result showed that the guinea pigs had developed the disease.

The purpose of the exhibition was principally to encourage the medical profession to devote particular attention to their investigations of diphtheritio and consumption oases.

Kissing the Pope's Toe.

Our old friend, Felix Campbell, one of Brooklyn's intelligent representatives in congress, has been honored with an intentfew with tho pope, and when asked if he kissed the pope's too he laughed and said, "I guess that's not done muoh nowadays." Brother Campbell is mistaken. It is just as much done as ever. In other words, it never was dona The pope wears on his slipper a gold cross, and this it is customary with the faith ful to kiss. I was surprised to learn that the pope conversed with Brother Campbell's daughters in French. The custom is for him to address those whom he honors with private audiences in Italian, which is translated always by an interpreter.—Joe Howard. ,» 'il,

I fir.

Our National Air* 4S*

In reading aooounts of the yacht races I noticed that the English bands could not play an American national air because "God Save tin* Queen" and "America'' were the same. I have never found tho reason why "The Star Spangled Banner" should not be our national air. I have heard them all played by the best bands in 'tho ooun try, and there is none which sends a thrill of gratitude at being an American through me so as that grand finale: And the star tpangled banner in triumph doe* wave O'er the land of the free Mid the home of the bra re. —Carlos in Boston Traveler.

Mnnlteyg Can Rmolic.

The question whether monkeys can smoke has boon settled in the affirmative at the Jardin des Plan tea, Paris, where mischievous boys have taught several occupants of the monkey house to smoke cigarettes, which they grew to enjoy hugely.

MET THEIR MATCHES.

Two Cailfornlana Who Learned the Fair Regulations a Moment Uto, Frank Happersberg, the sculptor, and Jim Yung, the restaurateur, were out viewing the remains of the Midwinter fair a few days ago, when both found themselves with cigars and without matches. "Ah, I have it," remarked Yung. "Come over to the Manufactures building. I have a friend there who has a luatoh exhibit, and we can get what we want."

They walked to the booth, and as the proprietor wasn't th«re Jim took the liberty of helping hnbself to the great pile of wax matches. "Take all you want, Frank," he remarked. "He's got a wagonload here and don't want them,"

Happersberg commenced filling his pookets. "I'll need some at mystudio," and he filled his trousers pookets. "Ought to have some at my room, too," and his vest pookets were loaded. "We always need them on my naphtha launoh," and his coot pookets commenced to bulge. IP] 'Guess I'll take sdme hoine,'' remarked Jim as he commenced loading his olothes. "A few wouldn't oome amiss at the restaurant either."

Then they walked out looking like a pair of smugglers loaded for a customs officer. At the door they met the owner of the booth. Happersberg had been scratching matohes on his trousers the whole length of the building, but they wouldn't light. Yung had also worn a sliok streak on his pantaloons. "What's the matter with these matohes?" he inquired of the exhibitor. "What matches?" "Why, yours. We helped ourselves to a box or two, as you weren't there." "Oh, there is no phosphorus on them. The fair managers wouldn't allow genuine matches in the building. Those are just painted wax."

Yung and Happersberg stole down to Stow lake and unloaded.—San Franois00 Post.

HUMAN COMEDY IN STONE.

The Busts Which Will Adorn the New fclbrary Buildings at Washington. Nine busts in granite have been finished for the exterior decoration of the new library of congress in Washington. The worthies who first come to the front are Walter Scott, Dante, Demosthenes, Nathaniel Hawthorne, Emerson, Irving, Goethe, Benjamin Franklin and Macaulay.

Judging by newapaper cuts, a great variety of expression has been obtained by the respective artists who have made these nine busts

Walter Scott has the intent, forward gaze of a college sprinter waiting for the word "go." Dante looks as if Dr. Chauncey M. Depew had just refused to accommodate him with a pass flb Buffalo. The model who sat for Demosthenes was Puck's Weary Waggles. Benjamin Franklin is slyly chuckling over his success in lodging a big charge of electricity in Nathaniel Hawthorne's back hair. Macaulay has put on a beautifully and symmetrically curled wig. Ralph Waldo Emerson has got the railroad pass which Dante missed. Washington Irv iing is listening to the Hon. Amos Cummings' latest and best anecdote, and Goethe has just caught through his alert left ear an invitation to drink from a man whom his soul loathes.

For picturesque animation the work of the seven sculptors seems meritorious. If this is only a beginning, the front of the new library buildings bids fair to be a human comedy in stone. The appearance of the second nine will be waited with great interest—Washington Letter.

Will Miss Pence.

The next house will miss the soaring eloquence and quiok wit of Lafe Penoe of Colorado, who has decided not to be a candidate for re-eleotion. Mr. Penoe won his spurs by tripping Bynum in the silver repeal debate and later was conspicuous when the Coxey horde concentrated on Washington. Mr. Penoe is a lawyer, but has not allowed that fact to interfere with his being a Populist His reason for deolding not to return seems rather odd in a Populist, however. He says he cannot live in Washington on $5,000 a year.—Chicago Times.

Ayer's Hair Vigor tones up the weak hair-roots, stimulates the vessels and tissues which supply the hair with nutrition, strengthens the hair Itself, and adds the oil which keeps the shafts soft, lus trous, and silky. The most popular and valuable toilet preparation In the world.

Don't Die In Paris.

Americans visiting Europe should be careful not to die in a Paris hotel, says a Globe letter. It is too expensive. John H. Ludhain of Now York, traveling with his father, stopped at a second rate Paris house. Ludham, Sr., was suffering from a chronic ailment, was taken suddenly worse and died next morning. There was no question of contagion, and the prioe of the room was 6 francs a day, but the hotel keeper charged 1,000 francs on account of the death in his house, and Ludham, Jr., found it cheaper to pay it, as he was compelled to snii for Now York, rather than stay and fight the claim. Vi

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AMERICA'8 VIRTUOUS SUPREMACY.

A Writer Who Thinks Saratoga Can Match the Countess of Koslyn. It is much more comfortable to consider the mote in your brother's eye than tho beam in your own.

I beard some patriotic American Irdmen congratulating themselves that with all its fashionable follies and fads "swell life" in this country never did and it was not likely it ever could approach that in England.

And then one of them told that damaging little story about the young Countess of Roslyn lotting her diamond studded cigarette case in a fashionable restaurant, the case having been presented to ber by no less a personage than the Princess of Wales.

Naughty Countess of ftoelyn, to smoke ber cigarettes in a public restaurant I After all, Spartan virtue is the best sort to hold fast by. The crime consists not in the commission, but in the disoovery. Now, if she had only smoked at home! I wondered if either of those two good American dames had ever been in Saratoga during the racing season. I doubt if their strong convictions of America's virtuous supremacy oould stand the shock likely to be administered there.

One does not like to read about the universality of betting going on there among women—not fast, base women alone, women who have no reputations to lose, but all sorts and conditions, young and old, gray haired women, to whom you would think eternity was appealing as an imminent call, young girls flinging aside textbooks for betting books. Bioh and poor, the mania has seized them all, and a poolroom is at their disposal where they can empty their purses and display their lack of horse sense with the recklessness characteristic of women who, having stepped outside the barriers that mark the line of safety, care little how far they wander from the safety of beaten paths.— Jeannette Walworth in New York Mail and Express.

A NARROW ESCAPE!

.£ How it Happened.

The following remarkable event '.n a lady's life will interest the reader: "Fora long time 1 had a terrible pain at my heart, which fluttered almost incessantly. I had no appetite and could not sleep. I would be compelled to sit up in bed ana belch gas from my stomach until I thought every minute would be my last. There was a feeling of oppression about my heart, and I was afraid to draw a full breath, couldn't sweep a room without sittihg down and resting but, thank God, by the help of New Heart Cure all that Is past and I feel like another woman. Before using the New Heart Cure I had taken different so-called remedies and been treated by doctors without any benefit until I was both discouraged and disgusted. My husband bought me a bottle of Dr. Miles' New Heart Cure, and am .happy to say I never regretted it^ as 1 now have a splendid appetite and sleep well. I weighed 125 pounds when I began taking the remedy, and now I weigh 13014. Its effect in my case has been truly marvelous. It far surpasses any other medicine 1 have ever taken or any benefit I ever received from physicians."—Mrs. Harry Starr, Pottsvllle, Pa., October 12,1882.

Dr. Miles' New Heart Cure is sold on a positive guarantee by all druggists, or by the Dr. Miles Medical Co., Elkhart, Ind., on receipt of price, Clper bottle, six bottles 15, express prepaid. This great discovery by an eminent specialist in heart disease, contains neither opiates nor dangerous drugs.

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C.RATfiORt \T0/ LOUISVILLE Cr.KA. /CK

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Lake and Railway Route to

Chicag Via St. Joseph

The favorite passenger steamers "City of Chicago" and "Chlcore" make double dally trips betweeu Benton Harbor, St. Joseph and Chicago, connecting at.St. Joseph with the Vandalia railway. Equipment and scrvlce the best and time less than by any other I^ake route. The following schedule will be obseaved on and after June 10th:

BETWEEN ST. JOSEPH AND CHICAGO-I-^ave St. Joseph (Vandalia Dock) at 8 ». in., daily except Sunday (Sunday leave at 6 n. m.,) and 9 p. m. dally Including Sunday. Leave Chicago from dock foot of Wabash avenue at 9:30 a. m.,and II :30 p. m. dailyincludlngSunday also leave Chicago at2 p. m., Saturday only.

MtLWAirKKK DIVISION—The Steamer Reld will make tri-weekly trips betweeu St. Joseph and Milwaukee, leaving St. Joseph (Vandalia Dock) at8 p.m., Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Leave Milwaukee from Vandalia Dock foot of Broadway Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday at 7 p. m. For Information as to through rates of freight or passage via these routes, apply to agents of the Vandalia railway.

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