Saturday Evening Mail, Volume 14, Number 10, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 1 September 1883 — Page 4

f^ -J-

A PAPER

'rtH

•Hi!

Iha

*L0V£ IN ASHES.

"Scant of nine and the washing all out," mused thrifty Mrs. Chutter as she scrubbed the porchi "Deacon, I'll get yon to set the big tub down cellar, if voa will." "Certain, wife," responded the deacon from ltis cart, in the door-yard. "There comes Kemluli's new basket wairon with two wqnien in .it," pursued the lady, wrinjriqg her mop. "Isn't that the horse thai, bal^s?"

Being in the critical act of emptying a four-gallon bucket of soap, the good man VbtieTisafed no reply.' When the jellied mass had quivered and splashed into the barrel in waiting he looked up just in seasbn to see thp gay little pony shy at the cart and go tfearing down the road. "They'll upset! They'll be killed -Hun after'cm! Do something!" shrieketi Mrs. jChutter. "Don't get excited, wife they're all right, now. Tne girl drives like a man."

And picking up his bucket, the moderate deacon marched off for a second supply of soap. But though the liitle incident had failed to shake his nerves, it did make him oblivious of his wife?s wnsh-tub poised upon the landing of the dim stairway, and as a natural consequence he put his foot in.it. .'lbe tub rolled the deacon swayed like a pestle in a mortar there was a lively succession of bumps, followed by a clatter and I hud, and deacon, tub, and bucket strewed the floor. "Adab and Abihu!" oj \culateiVA.tb.qj fallen saint, with sinful energy. ,i, "What's up, uncltJ?" cried an anxious voice overhead. "1 enn tell you what's down," was the srrim response., "Come and brace uie while I try to step."

Tin1 owner of the voice, a fine-looking youth of one-and-twenty, was already groping i.is way among the debris, his aunt in the rear with the camphor.

The deacon's attempted locomotion resulted in a groan. "I must nave sprained my ankle, Harvey. If I'd postponed this tub race till after I'd licet) my rounds 'lwould have been hettercalculation." ••Oh, I wouldn't worry about my round, uncle. What's the hurryP" "Alv customers expect mo to-day, that's" the point. I hate masterly to break my word. Now there's the widow Cleaves "wailing for me to take her ashes, so she can scrub after me with the boiling suds, and up at Kendall's thev're clean out of soap." "And not clean without it, ehP" laughed the young man. "See here, unele since you aro^oingto feel so uneasy about, 'disappointing the people, why not.send me in your stoad?' "You in vour fine clothes! I should sitiile," mumbled Mrs. Chutter. with the stopper of the camphor botile between her teeth. ••VVny can't inv uncle's mantle call upon m'c, mini? 1 was iutch«iiug to borrow hefroeK." ••Wei., it' 1 do say it. you got the Vance common sense. Some young 'men of your bringing up wou.d be ashamed to drive a soap cart." "Humph! Some young men would be fooN.'v said the deacon with warmth. "Kiiuody has any call fo t»e sushatned ui deliver &ueh soap

-p* Ti /r A which he measured ashes, bushel bv I I—I |h Z\ I I bushel, giving exchange money, or JL

xVJLJTjLJL

FOR THE

PEOPLE.

Dilemma.

To write, or not to write, that Is tho question Whether it is nobjer in themijid to suffer TOe reputation of belnsr asked by A younir lady to write in her autograph album. And having kept the book two years, more or ions. And then not written in it— Or to lukc the jW?n apninst a host of doubts and fc:trs, And by oucc writing:, end them?—To start:—to wrirc:— To wriii)!—i'«'rchnncp, to make a blot—Ay, there's the rub flf For in that dHrksome blot what feelings ure 8tx)wii forth—nervousness, distrust ol self, And many others!—Not as When one is writing to bis girl, for then ]i he should make a blot, he drawfe a line 'Round it, and sars li was Intentional, and meant to mark A place where he did kiss. And she Believes the ya^n, and kisses it, and thinks i' That the is tippy. —Boston Globe.

I make. If you ve

a mind to run the team to-day. Harvey, 1 shall be obliged to you." Fifteen minutes later the worthy deacon was extending his aching length upon the sitting-room lounge, and gating through the open window after his youthful proxy, who duly initiated into the mysteries of the calling was driving away in the biir blue cart. Behind bounced and creaked an empty ash-bin, flanked by two covered barrels of soap but the axvingieit 'clean and comfortable, comnatxftftg *flae view of the surrounding country.

A half-mije and more the road wound through his unole's fertile acres, for Deacon ChiittJd wit's" withal li farmed. Farming indeed was his chief vocation, soap boiling being an accessory venture growing ont of,sundry extensive experiments in thensdof leacfied sjpfhfesa^ sfet* tiliser. It was one of those tuneful mornings in early June when ail nature joins in a glad doxdlogy. The newly arrived bo bo-link 8 tipsy with,glqe. caroled in the meadows. The orioles nanging their hammdoks 'in theelma, ooela scarcely work for singinsr. Gay breeaes made love to the graceful young clover, then danced away to flirt with the coy hill-side birches. Everywhere were life and motion irradiated by the indignant sun. For Harvey Varices study-weak-ened eyes there was too much flutter. He lost no time in putting on his bine

cares if they do make jxie look

like a frogP" mused he as heyaettled them astride his aristocratic ""noee. "Thank* to them and to change ol air my poor optics are undoubtedly improving. shall be back to college by mil. Ha! ha! if the fellows could only see me now!"

And here, to the Infinite surprise of staid Dobbin, bis new toaster broke into a rollicking class song, a song Abruptly ending as a turn in the road revealed a neat farm-house. "If I peddle eoap, Fll peddle it witlt 4oe decorum,'* adMoqoisad the youth, knocking upon *tbe door with the handle his whip. 1 ip.

Tto

have Ota oapabte air with

gallons of soap according to the customer's desire, one would have pronounced him bred to the soap business. Since his month's rustication at his Aunt Chatter's he had made the acquaintance of most of the farmers along the river, and these expressed their gratification at meeting "a judge's son that wasn't afraid to work," but outside the parish limits his triumphal march terminated. He was a stranger in a

strange land. One man asked if he had bought out the deacon a second hoped he wasn't proposing to ran an opposition team, and the loyal widow Cleaves could hardly be persuaded to surrender her ashes, because, forsooth, she preferred to trade with Deacon Chutter.

Obedient to bis uncle's instructions, at her cottage the young man took a cross-road to Kendall's, a summer hotel. familiarly stvled "The Eyrie." "You'll find it a long three miles." had been Mrs. Cleave's parting remark.

Three miles, and not a neighbor between here and there I couldn't blame the widow if she should want to change her situation," mused the deacons deputy, scanning the western horizon. "Shouldn't wonder if that cloud yonder meant business. I thought the sun was too bright this morning. Well, a little high-toned thunder will drown this everlasting racket."

Facing about to wedge into" j)6sition an empty soap barrel, be observed two ladies driving up the hill in a basket phaeton. "That looks like Kendall's team that gave auntie such a panic this morning," thought he. "Those ladies are some of bis boarders, I suppose—Tom Cavender's mother and sister, for aught 1 knoW. I have heard they are stopping at the Eyrie. Goodness! wouldn't it be a joke if I should fall in with them today!"r 'Meanwhile the young lady in the carriage, was.merrily commenting on the quasi soapman's active figure, conspicuously and amply clad in the deaqon'f canvas frock And overalls. "I hope he isn't a perambulating maniac, mamma." "It's the very cart that frightened the poiiy!" was the terrified response. "Do .lot us get out, Lila. Oh! oh!"

But already the horse was backing down the hill. Harvey sprang from the cart and grasped the refractory animal by the brulle just in Season to prevent the carriage from overturning in the ditch. "Thank you, sir thank you very much." said the girlish driver, the color rushing back to her face. "Now, if you'll be kind enough to lead our pony

figed."

ast

your cart we snail be yet more ob-

But what ailed that surprising ponvP The young lady chirruped to him he would not budge. She snapped the whip he stooil as stiff as the wooden horse of the Trojans. "Oh, daughter, daughter, he's balking," cried the eider lady, who appeared to bean invalid. "If there's anything I'm afraid of, its a balking horse." "Allow me, madam," said Harvey, again advancing.

He twisted the animal's ear a moment to divert his attention, then took him by the bit and led him several paces. "See, mamma, the pony has got oyer his sulks. Thank you, sir."

The young lady resumed the reins, btat the fractious quadruped promptly refused to stir.

Again,Harvey took the pony. Again the tantalizing nag stiffened in his navnpss the instant Miss Lila took the reins. Many times was this farce repeated, and" many were the minutes wasted. Meantime the sky had become overcast, and thunder was muttering in the distance. "My mother has been very ill. If she is caught in the shower she may get her death, cried Miss Lila in distress. "Oh what shall we doP" Jw "If you will pardon the suggestion, I might drive you to the Eyrie, if that is your destination," said Harvey, with a deprecatory glance at his masquerading costume. "Oh, will you? But there is your horse and cart." "I could come back for them." "And with all mamma's shawls and pillows, the phaeton is hardly ,wide enough for us two." "That is trtivi it is a Lilliputian affair." The youth was gravely testing its light springs and braces. "Is there danger of breaking downP Then go with mamma, and I'll drive the cart." "Lila Cavender! The idea!" expostulated the invalid. "Tom Ca vender's mother and sister, by the ashes of my uncle! Confound iU what a scrape!*' was the young soap merchant's inward ejaculation as he awaited the ladies' pleasure. "What better can I do. mamma? 1 shall ride famously. Unless you are afraid tb trust mo with your horse," the voung lady»added with a glance toward H*rv«y. "Not in the least 'He's far from being a flery Bucephalus."

To aid the young ladv in mounting, Harvey silently extended, a hand, whose exceeding smuttiness was intensified by

quaint setting.

Who was this anomalous being who sported costly ornaments and quoted from the classics? And where bad she seen that cameo before, or one just like it? Ah. now she recollected. Tom had worn it home last vacation, when he and his chum had exchanged rings. But how had this soap-man become pepswtsed of itP Could it be that he and Harfety Nance were identical? Tom had said that Harvey was spendiugtbe summer In the neighborhood, xhi* most be he. Yes, she was sure ol it.

Obedient to (he young man's will, that unaccountable pony darted away on the wings of the wind. Close behind, head aowa, tail up, followed old Dobbin in a heavy canter which seemed to shake the leaves on the trees. Charged upon by the empty soap bar rel. Miss Lila slipped to the other aide of the seat and clung to the ash bin. A mile was passed, two mMee. The gableroofed Syrie loomed in the distance.

sped the pony on lumbered old Dobin

on swooped the storm-cloud. A dozen guests crowded out upon the hotel piazza to witness the exciting race. "How white Mrs. Cavender looks!" cried one. "Where did she pick up thai fantastic driver?" "Is that Miss Lila in .Oo cart?" exclaimed the gentleman addressed. "Well, she is a girl of me.lie! Ha, here comes the rain!

As the phaeton dashed up. he rushed out with an open umbrella to escort Mrs. Cavender into the house. In mounting the steps she turned toward* a a "You have done us a great service, sir. I assure you we are grateful. My daughter will see that you are recompensed for your time and trouble." "The dickens she will!" thought the deacon's indignant substitute.

Standing beneath the dripping eaves, with rivulets of lye coursing down his cheeks, he assisted the moist young lady to alight. "I am—we are aeeph indebted to you,"—she stammered, blushingly. "My mother—" "Has taken no cold, I trust," said he loftily. "Good afternoon."

And horse, cart and driver disappeared kitchenward. In putting the cart to rights that evening Harvey discovered a grimy object caught between the seat and the ash-bin. It proved to be a lady's pockel handkerchief, bearing in one corner the name of "Lila Cavender." "I believe I'll take that handkerchief to Miss Cavender to-morrow, auntie, and have it off my mind," remarked Harvey carelessly, as he folded "the letter. "Well—or you might send it by the stage." But Harvey was deaf to the suggestion. v.i

Tne tiext evenihg, faultlessly attired, and' minus spectacles, he presented himself at the Eyrie, and was cordially welcomed by both Mrs. Cavender anci her daughter. Convinced that he was not recognized as 'squire of. the soap cart, he s^w no necessity for proclaiming himself such. In making his first call why should he introduce nimseif as a clown? "You've made quite a visit," was his aunt's salutation when Harvey entered the sitting room. "Was the girl, glad to get her handkerchiefP" "To tell the truth, auntie, I didn't give it to her."

Humph! Strange how a handsome *11

young woman will weaken a chap's memory," observed the deacon, slyly.

as his wife bandaged the offending ankle. "I don't gee but Harvey'lf have to call again."

He did call again, and again, and again. Indeed, his rides to the Eyrie grew so frequent that his uncle one day teasiugly counselled him to buy a second saddle-horse. "Or get a carriage that will hold two," amended his aunt At which the youth flushed guilty, confirming Mrs. Chutter in her opinion that ne was "very far gone."

He went further yet that evening eveu to the length of proposing to Mis? Lila.

The little coquette only laughed, and bade him not to be absurd. Oh, they were both so young.

Harvey looked hurt, and intimated that he, at least, was nearing the downhill of life. pisAnd he didn't know her well enough.

He eagerly protested that he knew her well enough to love her. "Besides I'm not sure but I like another young man better." "Oh, if you care for somebody else, why, then—why, in that case—" Harvey found the English tongde terribly intricate, and arose with precipitation. "I met him first, you Know," said Miss Lila, dropping her eyes apologetically, "and I am under great obligations to him." "Oh, it's all right. You're all right, lmean but I think Tom might have told me." f-'f "Told you what?" "About this other fellow." "There isn't much to tell," said Mis? Lila, demurely. "He hasn't come forward." Harvey drew on his glove with a mystified air. "But I am looking foi him any day now, for the Eyrie is nearly out of soap." "You bewitching little tease."

Miss Lila's cheeks were eddying with dimples deep enough to drown a man's heart. Perhaps thev made Harvey's head swim. I can't say. I only know that he laid hold of the young lady'f arms at that moment in the most giddy fashion, and she seemed quite willing to let him steady himself in this manner. "Well, Harvey, I expect to be on my legs again to-morrow," observed the facetious deacon, at breakfast, "and when I call at the Eyrie I guess you'd better let me give that young woman her handkerchief." "Thank you very much I attended, to that last night" "It didn't seem just right to keep Kei out of it so long, HarVey," remarked his aunt dryly, as she passed his -coffee. "You ought to have paid her interest'.' "Hnmph! don't you be a might concerned, wife," said the deacon* with a mischievous wink.. "Depend upon it, Harvey has squared accounts with that voung woman before this, and taken her note of hand. He's driven business since that day I sent him up in thecarU"

Washington Capitol. 4

tir

Had Been Them.

rti

It was on the elevated road the other morning. A man was seen to suddenly rise upward, look around on the seat, feel in all his pockets, and grow excited over the loss of something-or other. "Lost your wallet?" queried the man next to him* "No." "Had your watch taken?" "No." "Lost a roll of bills, perhaps?** "It is my check-book. I believe I left it at home. Dear, bow careless 1 am!" "It might be worse," said the oihec in a consoling tone. "I don't see how It could," growled the other, "My wife will sit down and figure np the stubs, and when I go home to dinner it'll take a full hoar to make her believe that 'iaeadental' has anything to do with household expenaee. Watt Strut Ntw*.

The Fargo Family.

In the Philadelphia Press Joe Howard thus gossip? anent the Fargo wedding at Buffalo: The old Fargo whose keen appreciation of affairs, whose subtle knowledge of human nature, whose sturdy industry and ceaseless economy secured the vast wealth upon which the present Fargo relatives base their aristocratic pretensions, was a man of very humble origin. Doubtless he knew his father, but he never knew his grandfather. All he cared to know or to remember of his origin was that he was thrown upon the streets like an Arab before he was the age of an average Arab colt, and told to pick his fields and find his pastures fresh as best he could. Accident led him into the vocation of a messenger. He was a bright, quick-limbed, little lad, always ready to earn an honest penny, and if he made two one at least was saved and put away for a rainy day. He was like the late P. Cooper, Esq., who died at the phenomenal age of 96 or 97, bequeathing to his "aristocratic relatives' something like $9,000,000, and who, in encouraging me a few months prior to his taking off. said: "My son, I never went to bed without saving half what my day'8 profits were. If I made a dollar, half a dollar was put away. I carried that rule into active life when I became a merchant and never departed from it You do. the same, and, although you may not become a millionaire, you will in old age have a deposit from which to draw." The late Fargo was just that kind of a hair-pin. At first his makings Were small. Little by little bis patronage was extendi I, and bettering his condition, he started regular expressage corporations, in which the name of Fargo appeared, sometimes as president, always, as director, and dying, he left his pretty-faced widow with his vast possessions. I don't know exactly how much he left but it is safe to say he left all he had. Naked came he into the' worid, and naked 'retired therefrom. r- ..?* What an Englishman Saw at Ohioago,

A letter to the London Daily News savs:' Of course I went to the stock 'yards at Chicago." A lively, piebald porker Was one of a number grunting and' quarreling' in- a pen, ftna I was asked •to' keep my eye on him. And what happened to that porker was this:

He was suddenly seized by the hind leg, and jerked.up*xm a.small crane. This swung him-swiftly to the fatal door through which no pig ever returns. On the other side stood a man— ?.•••••• 4

That two-handeii entdne at the doofr Stands ready to ttnitednle, and smite no inoret and the dead pig shot across a trough and through another doorway, and then there-Was a splash! He had fallen head first into a vat df boiling water. Some uuseen machinery passed him along swiftly to the other end of the terrible bath, and there a water wheel picked him up and flung.him out on to a sloping counter Hero another machinu^ seized him, and with one revolution scraped him -as. bald as a niit And down the counter he went, losing his head as ho slid past a man with a hatchet, and then, presto! he was up again by the heels. In one dreadful handful a man emptied him, and while another squirted him with fresh water, the pig—registering his own weight as he passed the teller's box—shot down the steel bar from which he hung and whisked around the corner into the icehouse. One long cut of a knife made two "sides of pork" out of that piebald pig. Two hacks of a hatchet brought away his backbone. And there, in thir-ty-five seconds from his last grunt, dirty, hot-headed, noisy—the pig was hanging up in two pieces, clean, tranquil, iced.

Flying Down a Mountain.

A party of English tourists who had ascended Mount McGregor, near Saratoga, complained to Mr. W. «?. Arkell, the manager of the inclined railway, that the}' had not had a sample of speed in any of their travels on thissido of the water. Mr. Arkell volunteered to satisfy their desire. He disposed of them in an observation car, to which was attached an engine. What happened is recorded in The Saratogian: "Gentlemen, you will be in Saratoga or somewhere else in ten minutes," said Mr. Arkell, as he waved his hand to the engineer and said: "Let her slide."

Nobody in that crowd to this day can tell just exactly what happened. Persons who were* in the neighborhood of Mount McGregor state that they saw a streak of ligntning climb down the mountain side and go plunging in the direction of Saratoga. Persons who Wer6 down at the mcGregor depot in Saratogvwere greatly surprised by the sudden appearance of a dusty little en-

Suman

ine and a single car-in which were five beings. One of them sat on the brake oalmly.picking his teeth with a silver tooth-pick. Tnis was Mr. Arkell. "Did you eojoy your little trip, gentlemefa?" said he as he stepped off the bittk'e and searched under the seats and looked oat of the window for what was left ol "these fooc Britishers. The rem-nants-of. the,four answered feebly: •'Are we still alive, sir?". "I don't know,1" said Mr. Arkell. "I know that it fc twelve miles from the end of the road at the top of the mountain to the end in tbwin. We were just six minutes and a'half coming that distance, and I-pledge yon my word, gentlemen, we didn't turn a curve on the whole trip. We went on a bee-line,and where, the tracks were out of a dead line we simply cat over t^e country till we struck- the tracks again. It was a reasonable^speed for a first trial, gentlemen but If yon will come np again, now that we have had a little experience, I think we can beat the last record by minute and a half."

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