Saturday Evening Mail, Volume 12, Number 50, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 10 June 1882 — Page 3
THE MAIL
A PAPER FOR THE PEOPLE.
TERRS HAUTE, JUNE 10, 1882
TWO EDITIONS
Of this Paper are published. Th* FLBOT EDITION, on Thursday Evening, hM a large circulation in the sarroandlng towns, where It is sold by newsboys and scents. The SECOND EDITION, on Saturday Evening, goes Into the hands of^nearly every reading person in the city, and the farmers of tfais immediate vicinity. Mvery Week's Iwue is, in fact,
TWO NEWSPAPERS,
In which all Advertisements appear for THE PRICE OF ONE ISSUE.
GUITBAC
must go.
THE doctors now camber a tonic.
pronounce the cu-
SKVKRAL stores in New York worms for angling purposes.
sell
1 HE Rev. P. S. Henson says "all newspapers, except religious ones, should be suppressed."
THB young man contemplating investing in matrimony should keep in mind that a good woman is the best say ings bank in the world.
TUB Chicago News estimates that there is more money spent in that city for liquor than tor schools, churches, boots and shoes, and clothing by the entire population of the city.
As Indianapolis preacher has been presented with a pair of sleeve buttons by a well-known gambler, because he said in a sermon that common gamblers were no worse than speculators in stocks.
TIIK wife of a Milwaukee physician is going to jail forfiftoen days rather than pay a fine of $5, which was imposed on her for persistently keeping an unlicensed dog. She wishes to be a martyr for principle
TIIK very latest for young men of the extreme type of fashion, is pants cut skin tight, geutly sloping toward the feet, whore they are pastod to the ankles with mucilage, intondod to keep ants from crawling up a man's legsat picnics.
CJEOROIA claims a genuine Bluebeard in a man 100 years old, who has bad nevon wives and has killed them all. A Southern paper calmly adds that "he ban not yet been apprehended, but the officers are tracking him through the mountains."
IT may not bo generally known, but it is nevertheless a fact, as we are told by thelvouisville Argus, that all the iniidel, atheistic and spiritualistic papers published in this country are located in the .North. Two of those sheets—the Age, formerly Seymour Times, and tho Iconoclast—are printed at Indianapolis.
A OONSOIKNOK stricken office-holder at St. Joseph, Mo., has sent to the secretary of tho treasury $2,787, whichjhe confesses to havo robbed the government of. It is supposod tho death of Jessie James stirred up tho poor fellow's remorse and forced him to disgorge. If the rest would follow his example there would soon bo enough conscience-money in the treasury to pay the National dobt.
WHAT wonder tliut tho women of the day should sport artifical jewels, when almost every feature of their porsons may at need bo no less artifical, even to false oars and false eyelashes? Tho latter havo actually been applied at Paris by means of a needle threadod with tine hair and drawn through tho flexibloskin of the eyelid. The operation is said to be painless, and the effect pleasing.
A i'AIK of suspouded animation mistaken for death is roported in Boston. A girl was pronounced dead by her physician. A few hours after, when her father turned to leavo her alone, she cried, "Ploase don't go, papa." She then told hor friends, as they gathered about her, that she had been in heaven, a glorious place, and ^wished to return. •Sho soon after died.
THB delegate at tho Chicago convention who shouted, "what are w© her® for, but for the offices?" was not more frank than Mr. Albert Daggett, of Brooklyn, who says to the Republican committeo of his city: "I am in poll tics fbr two,reasons.
One
la that I like it,
tho othor is that it has paid me, and if other gentlemen on this floor will say as much wo will get along smoothly. That it has paid me overybody knows."
DUELS between women are remarkable for their rarity, but North Carolina furnishes the story of an encounter as dmperate an it was bloody, in which two women were the only contestants. The parties were Jan©
Mo
A
Keller and Frances
McNalr, between whom there had long been great bitterness of feeling, occasioned, it is said, by the centering of their separate affections upon one young man. Friday night, bv appointment, the rivals met in a secluded dell, where thev went at each other like tigers. France* was the lighter of the two, and soon found that she was not a physical match for her opponent, and so had recourse to the assistance of a bowieknife. She plunged the blade Into Jane's heart, causing Instant death. The sight of the blood and the consciousness of her crime overpowered Frances, and she fell in a swoon upon the prwtrate body of her late enemy. It was thus they were found by a party that had Parted after them with the intention of preventing trouble.
id-hcarled. a in a
more rii mat*.
man is worth
CURRENT COMMENT.
If one would read only the words of the lawyers for the defense, remarks the Chicago Inter-Ocean, how sympathy would go out to the poor abused Malley boys! And yet people will not likely forget that whether they fail to be convicted of the crime of murdering Jennie Cramer or not, they represent a class of fast young men who think it no harm to despoil the home, dethrone virtue, and bring it to such sorrow that even death cannot end it. If the publicity of the ease and its terrible results set a multitude of young men to thinking, the imprisonment and trial will not have been in vain, even if there is a failure to convict.
The National Baptist says that the man who complains of paying ten dollars for his church pew went to the cir cus last week, taking his wife and five children, and paying a dollar apiece for reserved seats. He is going to take a cheaper pew next year, and to advocate a reduction in the salary of the pastor.
A London lecturer on female attire •aid recently: "Dressed as women are, the less exercise they take the better for health. In fact, they are seldom fit to stand erect or walk a block, but should lie rolled around or carried on a pala quin. Not one woman in 10,000 has room inside her clothes for the rise and fall of the ribs in breathing, and there is not one in 10,000 whose vital organs are not displaced by external pressure, While this is so, the less exercise the better."
Dr. Willard Parker, the eminent New York physician, writes to the Christian Union: "As to women entering the profession, I am in favor of it. If woman has got brains, and is properly educated to be a doctor, there is no reason why she should make any the less a good wife, mother, sister or neighbor. Female physicians can teach women how to manage their children, and in a great many operations and diseases, particularly those affecting their own sex and children, they do well." This is valuable testimony, coming as it does from one of tho most conservative men in the profession.
FEMJ .v ITEMS.
Young girls—betore you marry find out what your husband wants you for. The amount of money spent by a woman on her dress by no means makes her the best-dressed lady.
It is strange how, in such a world as this is, a woman with white teeth, can contrive to find so much to laugh at.
Some attention was paid to cosmeties in the fourteenth century. Here's a genuine recipe of that date: "For to make a woman's neke white and softe fresh, swynes grees molten, and hennes grees and the white of egges half rested,and do thereto a little popyl mele, enoynt hir therewith ofte."
A demure, diminutive girl, aged 18, is under arrest in Philadelphia for bigamy. Sho has three living husbands, all of whom she has married within two years. When asked why she had done this, she said "They are all good fellows, and they coaxed me so."
A Springfield woman, whipped by her husband, called in a policeman, who subdued the bully with great difficulty and started with him for the station house. Then the wife discovered that the prisoner was without shoes, declared that ho would catch cold, insisted upon delay while sho procured them, fought the officer like a fury to make him wait, and finally was taken to prison with hor spouse.
LITTLE SERMONS.
Sentimental religion is tho most foolish of shams. Never undertake to do more than you can perform.
People who have most to do often have most time to spare. One good deed done to-day is worth a hundred put off for to-morrow.
We should never forget that there is a comforting aide t» every sorrow. Never take stock in a man who habitually says man things about women.
When a man has nothing to do the devil regards it as a first class opportu nity.
Those who wait for grand opportunities of doing good really accomplish much.
Since kind words cost us nothing and are of value to others, why is it we are so sparing of them.
All men do mean actions at times but some men do fewer of them than do others.
Don't grumble at your own lot. Your own burden galls you less than any other would.
Pope said that narrow souled people and narrow necked bottles are alike, for the leas they have In thom the more noise they make in pouring it out.
Fuller said in one of his great sermons, He that spends all his life in sport is like one who wears nothing but fringes, and eats nothing but sauces."
A man thinks he knows everything when he really knows nothing, and he thinks be knows nothing when be really knows pretty nearly everything,
Once upon a time a woman died, and as the mourners were carrying her to the grave they tripped against a stump and let the coffin fall. She revived, having been only in a deep trance. Two years after sbe really died, and as they were carrying her down the same road and near the same stump the disconsolate widower sobbed: "Steady boys* Steady there Be very, very careful.
MH. F.n THICKKTT,the celebrated oars man, Kingston. Canada, says: "I have found St. Jacob© Oil a sure and certain cure for rheumatbm, etc."—New York Clipper.
Sle
flease.
I was on mj
TERRE HAUTE SATURDAY EVENING
HOW THEY DINE WITH THE QUEEN. Many of oar readers would, no donbt, be interested in knowing how people dine with her Majesty, Queen Victoria, with a description or the tomfoolery essential to enjoy so divine a blessing. The following purports to be a true presentation
A recent guest of the Queen at Windsor Cfestle has "written up" the cereof a quasi private dinner at that abode. Victoria never resides at indsor for more than four months in each year, and during that time she lives in regal state. At Balmoral and Osborne her habits are more free and easy, so that the routine of court existence can not be
monv royal a Winds
Been
to advantage save at Wind
sor Castle. An invitation to dine with her Majesty and spend the night at the Castle is equivalent to ai command, with whose execution nothing but death may interfere. On arriving at the door invited guests are received ny the pages of the chamber, who conduct them to their respective rooms, as-they are indicated on apian provided in advance. The visitor's rooms .are spacious, comfortable and supplied with all "modern conveniences.'' Those who come to the royal table must do so in full drees, and the preparation occupies seme little time. Soon after 8 o'clock the visitors find their way into the grand corridor, where they indulge in conversation with each other and await the Queen, who enters, followed by the Princess Beatrice, about 8:30. Her Majesty speaks a word of greeting to each of her guests, and then all go to dinner. The private dining room is rather small, cheery and very attractive. The meal is always very
ood, both in make-up and service, in former respect partly, perhaps, because the name of the cook, who is responsible for each dish, is written oppo site to it on the menu. Champagne and claret are usually provided. Various footmen, pages and other servants are in attendance about the room, and John Brown, in full Highland dress, is sta tioned behind the Queen's chair. The Queen leaves the room with the ladies, and the gentleman follow in two or three minutes, after which there is a half hour of personal intercourse in the corridor, the Queen entering into conversation with each of the guests. The Queen then withdraws and the visitors pass the evening smoking, at billiards, or as they
Her Majesty always breakfasts private, and the visitors depart in the morning without meeting her.
TIRED MOTHERS.
A little boy, on his way to build fires and sweep offices in Boston, while the stars were yet in the sky, said: "My mother gets me up, builds the fire and gets my breakfast, and sends me off. Then she gets my father up and gets his breakfast and sends him off. Then she gives the other ehildren their breakfast and sends them to school and then she and the baby have their breakfast." "How old is the baby?" I asked. 'Oh, she is 'most two, but s'he can talk and walk as well as any of us." Are you well paid?!' "I get two dollars a week, and my father gets two dollars a day." "How much does your mother get?" With a bewildered look, he said
Mother! Why, she don't work for anybody." "I thought you said she worked* for all of you." "Oh, yes for us she does. But there ain't any money in it." This wife of a day laborer represents a large class of hardworking women. The compensations of affection, the love of husband and children, nil »la nxm.U-r. uulllb«r)i»a blCSS" ings that come with and belong to the family life, can no more make up to a wife the loss of all money value for her service than they would her husband If the same poverty or position were thrust upon him.
COULDN'T BEHAVE HERSELF. New Haven Register. A Saratoga correspondent overboard two young ladies talking, and tkis is what they said: "Well, I'm going home to-morrow." -'What for, tray?"
Because I can't behave myself." 'Well, out with it, Jennie, what have you been doing?" "Lots of things." "Wei, give us tho first." "You know Frankivennedy, Nell?" "That soft, simperirg fellow, that always tells yon how clarming you look?" "Exactly. Thismorning I saw him coming, and made u) my mind to take him down. I put Hif diamond brooch in the chair, pin unvard, and asked him to sit down." Jbesat, of course, and what then?" "He junped up and yelled 'Oh, my 'Vhat's the troublo?' I asked. 'Nothing it particular, only I thought of an eigagement at this very moment you mut excuse me.' And oft he went, and tould you believe it, Nell, the brooch was sticking to him." "That was awfu, Jennie," and the two girls giggled toother for five minutes. Nell Droke the spell by demanding: "What next?" 'fVny, you see, I was talking with that pung sprig of a clergyman, the Rev. Toi Parsons. We baa nearly talksd eactother to death, when, as look would hf it, he made some remarks about mas4iitos. my nativft heath "at one, and began to tall
native heath *t one, him ot my «xperiec© at 'Did tl*«r l*o* Wtevery
Rockaway.
hard?' inquired Rev* Thomas, '.wish Mr. Parsons,4 said t,'you fcould ite my legs and judge for yourself.'" That waa a horrid speech, Jennie. Howrould you say such a thing?" "Why, Nil, it popped out before I knew it." 'And what did Mr. Pareons say." "He bished clean to his eyes, and I ran away.'
ADIRONDACK MURRA Sew Haven Palladium.
V. A. Fenner, formerly of Shetian, writing from San Antonio, Texaesays that among the noted residents of t» vicinity. Rev. W. H. H. Murray, "dirondack Murrav," as he is called, istere, a fallen giant,Indeed, with none sooor as to do him reverence. When hged from Boston his fair-haired private ecretary, a young lady, followed hisbrtunes, and has since lived with kn. Last year her heart-broken father one for her, and after a despairing efforto get ber to return with him, wbb proved ineffectual, the poor old rao, disgraced, broken in spint. alone in te world, and almost penniless after is long search for ber, blew out his brafe at Murray's door. Only last Sundav Sunday, mark you -I saw him at & Pedro Springs, unloading with his o« hands a wagon load of cedar ties that 1 had haulea from his little place for tl street railroad company. He was wit] oat coat, vest or collar, dirty and ut shorn, and it Would take a keen eye, as Boston man remarked to me. to dete
OOIN1 HOME TO-DA T.
BY WILL CAMJfTOIC.
My business on the jury's done—the qnibbling all is through— I've watched the lawyers right and left, and given my verdict true: I stuck so long into my ohair, I thought I would grow In And If I do not know myself, they'll nt me there ag'ln But now the court's ajourned for good, and I have got my pay, I'm loose at last, and thank the Lord, I'm going home to-day.
I've somehow felt uneasy like, since the first day I came down It LB an awkward game to play the gentleman In town And this 'ere 8unday suit of mine on Sunday rightly sets: But when I wear the stuff a week, it somehow galls and frets. I'd rather wear, my homespun rig of pepper, salt and gray— I'll have it off In half a jiff when I get home to-day.
The morning we came away we bad a little bout I coolly took my liat and left before the show was out. For what I said was naught whereat she ought to take offense, And she was always quick at words and ready to commence But then she's first to give up when she has had her say: Aud she will meet me with a kiss when I go home to-day.
I have no doubt my wife looks out as well as any one— As well as any woman could—to see that things are done. For though Melinda, when I'm there* wont set her foot outdoors. She's very careful when I'm gone, to tend to all the chores But nothing prospers half so well when I get offtostay. And I will put things into shape when I get home to-day.
My little boy—I'll give'em leaf to match him if they can It's fun to see him strut about, and try to be a man The gamiest, cheeriest little chap you'll ever want to -ee! And then they laugh, because I think the ch llaresembles me. The little rogue! he goes for me like robbers for their prey: He'll turn my pockets inside out when I get home to-uay.
My little girl—I can't contrive how it should
happen thus—
That Goil.should pick that sweet bouquet and fling it down to us! My wife she says that handsomo faco will soon make a stir And then I laugh, because she thinks the child resemb'es her! She'll meet me half way down the hill, and kiss me anyway, And light my heart up with her smiles when
I go home to-day.
If there's a heaven upon the earth, a fellow knows it when He's been away from home a week, aud then gets home again If there's a heaven above the earth, there often, I'll be bound. Some homesick fe'low meets his folks, and hugs 'em all around. But let my creed be right or wrong, or be it as it may. My heaven is just ahead of me—I'm going home to-nay.
SELLING GIRLS IN SHEETS. I)e- Moines Register. Up at Clear Lake, that center of summer pleasure parties and Sabbath-school associations in Iowa, the churches became tired of the old stereotyped plans of raising money, and anew scheme was evolved from the inherconsciousness of some bright genius. The treasury of the Congregationalist Church became rather bare, and so the young folks got together and determined to ml it even te overflowing. After tilorigdhfeassion they decided to bring about the desired end by putting all the girl" oi.«icU »C aurtluirlo Ut! UlfpOSOd
Of to the
higll-
ost bidder. The time came around, and every young man in that part of Iowa in or near Clear Lake who bad any money or could possiblv borrow any was romptly on hand, eager to bid to the ullest extent. But there were some of the girls on whom it would have been impossible to obtain the bid of an oldfashioned copper ccnt, while there were others for whom the love-sick swa}ns would willingly have bid there last dollar, and in spirit of Artemns Ward, the last dollar of any of thefr relatives. So to give all the boys an equal chance, the girls were wrapped up in sheets, so as to be completely unrecognizable. Each young man was positive that beneath'the showy folds of the sheet ho could discern tho outlines of the girl on whom he doted, and when irom fifteen to twenty of the young fellows singled out one particular sheeted object on which to stake their fortunes, excitement ran high, and money ran out of pocketbooks like water down a slanting roof.
After all the fair ones were disposed of, the order was given to "haul up the sheets and then ensued an indescribable scene of mingled happiness and disappointment. Maidens who had been purchased for a mere song, owing to a ack of bidders, turned out to be the best looking girls in town, while beings whose sylph-like appearance under a sheet excited the greatest admiration, and drew hard earned money from unwilling pocket books were fonnd to be most commonplace creatures indeed. But all made the beet of it, and the disappointed ones bore themselves bravely. Altogether the plan was a great success and as long as churches will raise money by lottery scbemcs, why not adopt this method? It is harmless, and vet as productive of as much good to the participants as any game of chance we know of. It gives the homely girls and bash ful boys an equal chance with their respective opposites, besides resulting in a
f'rand
1
financial success,and we look for ts general adoption. To be sure, it is askings good deal of modest, womanly, refined girls. But then church societies are always doing that!
TO CLEAN A BRUSSELS CARPET. First have the carpet well shaken, then tack it down in the room where it is to remain sweep it as thoroughly as possible take a pail of hot water, put in two tablespoonsful of pulverized borax wash the carpet all over the surface, using a flannel cloth. For grease spots or verv dirty plases, use a scrubbing brush freely, and \erv little soap, taking care to rinse the soap off well, after scrubbing: ehange the water quite often rub the carpet well with a dry cloth after washing, and open doors and windows seas to di as possible.
fry the carpet as quickly
It was in a New England school. "What is the feminine of tailor?" asked a teacher of a class in grammar. "Dressmaker," was the prompt reply of a bright-eyed little boy.
MRS. KATK AIKIXS, a wealthy lady of Pittsburg, Pa., writes: "Rich food and
proudest pulpil.. in the Hub. high life, tmd txenVflteUog nir hillb quite eeriously. I commenced using IxnioKsTrox and habitual oostirene&Brown's Iron Bitters, and now I am as arise from weakness of the nerves amlively as a yonng girl, and excel them all muscles of the stomach. Due attentioiin endurance. It is more refreshing to the proper habit of life, in connectiorlhan champsgne, anl its strengthening with the timely use of Brown's Iroreflects
are
lasting."
Bitters, will strengthen the affected part* and quietly remove every symptom oi IT IS stated that the demand for white the disorder. aats in 21
New York can hardly be filled.
LIVING CURIOSITIES. Kew York Showman. "While fat boys and fat girls are extremely good-natured, and soeiable and generous to a fault, the skeletons are an aggrieved, melancholy, peevish and saving lot. They avoid making acquaintances in order to be able to hoard their earnings ana get out of the business as soon as possible. A living skeleton is extremely difficult to get along with, because he always considers himself the most attractive curiosity in the show, and is constantly making demands accordingly. Most of them have come from Massachusetts, where they were rural school teachers or shopkeepers. They are usually well educated and ready with their tongue, especially when it comes to talking politics. Indeed, to talk politics is their especial hobby and amusement, end with these discussions and reading they spend most of their time. Despite their thinness, they eat about' us much as ordinary folks. The Cflffcassian women resemble ordinary persons™ ore than other curiosities." "How.do they smuse themselves?" "Well," the manager said, after a little hesitation, "I'll tell you soinethin There are no Circassian women in this •ountry. Those called Circassians are simply pretty and shapely women who have married side-show managers or members of the troupe. They soak their hair in sour beer and then pose as Circassians." "Do curiosities generally earn much money?" "Some have very large salaries. The two-beaded woman gets 9600 a week Captain and Mrs. Bates, 500. Single iants, if well known, get all the way rom $100 to $200. On the other hand, a new giant will get only $20. Fat boys, unless very famous, rarely command more than $50, while the salaries of dwarfs run, according to their intelli gence, up to $200."
CHRONIC AILMENTS. In chronic ailments resulting from fixed bad habits of the body,the removal of the evil to be permanent, must necessarily be gradual. Good health is maintained and nourished by the proper attention to the requirements of the body, and the avoidance of excesses* It is wasted and destroyed by over-taxing the mind with study, anxiety, evil habits, intemperanoe, and vicious indulgences. Keep the body and mind nourished by using that friend of temperance and long life, that Queen of all health renewers, Dr. Guysott's Yellow Dock and Sarsa rilla, and nature will mastery over disease.
ipa-
soon assert her
THE JIM-JAMS.
A correspondent of the New York World tells all about the sensation produced by jim-jams. This is the way he tackles the subject: "Delirium tremens! snakes! jim-jams! Yes, I've had touches of them. You want to know how it feels? I'll tell you. "YOB have been drunk maybe a woek, maybe more. At last liquor ceases to excite, brace up or tranquilixe. Yeu drink a half pint of brandy. It has no more effect than so much water. Then ou are close on the horrors. Pood won't elp you your stomach rejects it. Now your punishment commences. You can't sleep. You are weary. Oh, so weary, but there is no rest. You are tired of thinking, yet the brain will think. "You lie down, drop into a doze for a moment aud wake up with a shock, as if touched by an electric wire. You are covered with perspiration. You get up and waiK me room, streets—walk, walk, and then lling yourself down, praying for a few moments' sleep. "All this is for days, with people about you, and through nights. But no Chinese torturer, employed In keeping some miserable criminal awake until he dies, was ever more full of relentless vigilance than your abused nerves. Dreads indescribable seize upon you. Your hands have a sensation of being of enormous size. They do not look it. They feci It. Your head in like manner feels as if enormously puffed out. Then your breath comes spasmodically hot Hashes strike at the region of the heart all tho blood seems to rush in that direction, and you light aimlessly for life and expoct to fall dead. This is the commencement of the horrors. Now you are fixed for seeing rats and snakes and vermin."
DON'T GIRLS.
Don't think it necessary for your happiness that every afternoon be spent in making calls or on the street shopping. Home is not a mere hotel wherein to eat and sleep—too dreary to be endured without company from abroad home work is not mere drudgery, but useful ministration to those wo love.
Don't mistake giggling for cheerfulness, slang phrases for wit, boisterous rudeness for frank gayety, impertinent speeches for repartees. On the other band, don't be prim, formal, stiff, nor assume a "country face" eloquent of "primes, potatoes, prisms," nor sit bolt npright in a corner, with hands, feet, eyeaand lips caref oil posed for effect. An effect will be produced, but not one you wish. Nor yet sit scornfully reserved, criticising the dress, manners, looks, etc., of those around you. Make up yoar mind that yonr companions are, on the whole, a pretty nice set of people —if they are not, yoo had no baslness to come among them—that there is something to respect and like in each of them. Determine to have a nice time anyhow then do your part to make it so. Be genial, cordial and frank. If you can play and sing ordinarily well, do* not refuse to take your share in entertaining your companions In this way. You cannot be expected losing like a Nilsson or Kellogg. If you cannot play or sing, say so frankly, and do not feel humiliated. You probably excel in some other accomplishment. Kven if you do not, you can possess that one grand accomplishment to which all others are accessories,—that of being "a lady"—a true woman, gentle and gracious, modest and lovable.
CONJUGAL AMENITIES. "Everything requires time don't hurry to speak," said the Italian Count BuondeUmente, as he stood weeping and sobbing bv the bedside of bis dying wife, who nad been faidng away for more than a year. "But I must hasten to tell my sin," gasped the wife. "lean not die without confessing that 1 have been unfaithful to my marriage vow, and that I have loved Count Malvazzi." "I know it well enough," replied the count, blandly, "and that is why I began to poison you from the moment he first entered the house."
MRS. JANE MERKYTOK, of Paris, Ky., writes: "I have been cured of great suffering, caused by weak lungs and kidneys, dyspepsia, etc. My habits are now very regular, and I find comfort in living. I used only
two
bottles of Dr. Guy
sott's Yellow Iock and Sarsa pa rilla." dOfkPer V««k
can bp made In anyloca!
HonWhing entirely it*
nx«-nlK. $5.outfit free A CO., Boston Maw.
tu
W. lrftt*AUAH afS-Otn.
A MUtisTHR, being asked if he wot attend the funeral of a deceased cburd] member, replied: "I will with pleasure*] He meant only to be.'pollte, but the forn of his answer was by some very toucv persons constructed into an express of pleasure that the deceased was it. condition to have funeral services sa over him. Another minister, bavin] heard of the breeae which was stirred ui by the unlucky remark, replied to similar invitation and request: "It wi give me a melancholy jtteasnre to at tend." This brother was criticised be] eauselof the air of gloom he was pectea to throw into the funeral servic* The .'two brethren say that they a much at loss to know kow to answer thl next applicant for funeral ministral tions.
tells how a clerifc* He took
THB Troy Times man cured a balky horse. book and a lunch-basket along, anJ when the horse, as usual, made a dead stop, fell to reading, and when the ani ma 1. tired of standing, started up, cri "Whoa!" compelled him to wait pleasure for a good share ot tho day. cured tho balking. I
Absence or prevalence of cock roach0 in a house is a capital test of the cleanli ness and neatness of those having chargt of the sanitary management of the dwell ing. if any are seen, be sure that brau crumbs or other food refuse are left iii ajartments, for roaches do not live oi|
A CLFRGYMAN who had just marrieil a couple felt indignant when the bride-] groom gave him a feo of only a baH dolJ lar, smiled grimly, and said: "Neverl mind, you'll have'to pay a lawyor $1( for undoing what Iliave'done."
IT is reported from Texas that anj organist of an Austin church, one Sun day morning before service, asked hi pastor, "What shall I play?" Tho ab sent-minded pastor replied: "1 don't^ know I haven't seen your hand."
A QEXTLKMAN of St. Louis namedl Baby has applied for leave to change hi*] name to Bar bee.
"IT'S NO VSK," says the dyspeptic. But it is of use. You* sufferings can be relieved thousands have been cured, and you can also. Brbken down, desponding victims of dyspepsia, liver complaint, fever and ague, rheumatism, nervous debility or premature decay, will findinSiinmon8 Liver Regulator a vegotablo specific which reaches th* source of the trouble and effects an ab*. solute and permanent cure. It regulates the liver, dispels despondency and restores health.
CEMunreSIEOY
FOB
RHEUMATISM,
Neuralgia, Sciatica, Lumbago, Backache, Soreness of the Chest, Gout, Quinsy, Sore Throat, Swellings and Sprains, Burns and
Scalds, General Bodily Pains,
Tooth, Ear and Headache, Frosted Feet and Ears, and all other Pains and Aches.
No PrnptrnUon on earth eqiitU ftr. A POM
a »afe, ttttre, titnple
OIL
and
chtxtp
Xxtornnl
Remedy. A trial nntalln but th« comparaUrely trifling ouUay of (0 Cents, and
tfvrj
ono differ
ing with pain can havo cheap aad podtlr# proof of It* claim*. Dlraotloiu In Bmo Laaguagoa. 80LS BY ILL DRUOGI8T8 A¥B
DEALEBfl
IS MEDI0II&
•. VOOZXER Sl CO.. JtWimri, Md., U. B. A*
The Great
Consumption Remedy.
O W N S
EXPECTORANT
Haa been tmteA in hundred* of ca*a* and TUjvcr failed to arrest and cttre C'OSVMPT ION, if taken in time.
It Cures Coughs. It Cures Asthma. It Cares lironchitls. It Cures Hoarseness. It Cures Tightness of the Chest. It Cures Difficulty of Breathing BROWN'S EXPECJO^N"!
Is /fpcelaliy Recommended for
WMOOPfJve €QVGM* II vUl shorten the duration of the dltcaf and alleviate the paroxysm of coufMny, to a* to enable th* child to pn*» through it without tearing any trrioun contequencea.
Pit ICE, 50c and $1.00.
A. K/EFJVR, I a a 8 In