Saturday Evening Mail, Volume 12, Number 6, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 6 August 1881 — Page 2

2

THE

MAIK

A PAPER FOR THE PEOPLE.1

TKRRE HAUTE, AUGUST 6,1881

TWO EDITIONS

Of this Paperjare published. Sbe FIR8T EDITION, on Thursday Evening, h« a forge circulation In tbe surrounding towns, where it is sold by newsboys and •Cents. SEhe 8B00KD EDITION, on Saturday Evenlog, |OM into the hands oCninriy every 3 feeding person in the city, »nd the fwmen of this immediate vicinity. JSvery Week's Issue is, in tact,

TWO NEWSPAPERS,

In which all Advertisements appear tog TELE PRICE OF ONE ISSUE. p.

RUNNING A CIRCUS.

HOW THEY DID IT IN THE OLDEN TIMES.

A very jolly and successful New York manager was fouud at leisure a few days ago by a Times reporter. Hia aeaaon

WM

over and he had come oat ahead usual:

HO

fore

Sood

bad some of his friends, and

mention of one of these, who had once been prominent in tbe circus ring, led to tbo discovery that the manager himself had been in tbe circus business. "I sometimes wish myself in it now, too," said tho hearty old fellow. "I had to work like tho—well, like Garlield be­

Conkling resigned, but I never felt a» well and had as much fun as in those old days." "Old days?" "Yes they weren't many years ago, •when you come to look up the date, but tboro weren't many railroads then, and the business was managed so differently to what it is now that it seems a hundred years ago." "Which part of the business did you manage "Whichever there was most money in. At first I went ahead to 'place' the show that is, I went to tho town where we were billed to appear and made hotel arrangements for the company and secured stabling for the horses. It was no small job then—'tisn't now either—to find

accommodations in a little town for fty or sixty men and women and twice as many horses, a good many of them ready to be ugly if they weren't treated just so." "You had plenty of spare time on

your hands though, I supposo "Did I? Well, perhaps I did. don't remembor it. Why, there were

did,

The reporter virtuously replied "les, medicinally." "That's what I mean," said the old gentleman. "Didn't vou always feel pretty soon aftor as if you had been poisoned?"

Exactly." ... "Then you know why I had a compartment especially for liquors. I had one for toe, too, and one for cigars. Generally I had to start out very early in tho morning so I'd get the hotel proprietor or clork to take me down to the kitchen and give me something to make breakfast when I got under way. Thore was a sameness about hotel pantrios In those days. Thore wasn't much in thorn but broad, buttor and pork. But su«'h broad Home-made, sweet, no alum In it. Such butter! Why, oleolnergaine hadn't boon heard of then. As for tho pork, pooplo who oat the dlstillorv fod stuff that »omo Now York butchers soil don't know what pork is. I'd make a lot of sandwiches out of count rv broad, buttor aud fat pork and stow tlioin away in the wagon, with

HOUJO

grain for tho horse. Ikiforo daylight I'd 1M* out and away at a ten-mile gait, and ton minutes aftor starting I'd tc fast asleep in my soat, with the reins around mv wrist. My horso knew his business. *lto would *go like the—like tbo wind, where-ver the road was level, but if ho came to holes, stones or a niece of 'corduroy' he'd go as softly as if he had corns.' Ilo'd cross all the bridges and ford stream* that were not bridged •a long as It was dark but at the first brook he struck after daylight he would ntop short. That meant business and I'd wako up." "5, "Business?"

Yea breakfast. I'd tako him out of the shafts, take off his bridle, give him a mild drink of water and something to «at. Then I'd get out my own breakfaat and make up for the absence of coffee by mixing brook water and ice •with something out of a bottle. Jerusalem! I'd give a hundred dollars to-day for a meal that would taste as good as thoao breakfasts used to do. No clone room, vou know, smelling of tbe ghosts of thousands or bad meals no dirty waiter lounging about no-played out fellows straggling in for blac* coffee to el«*r their heads after last night spree. 1 tell vou, 'twas just the poetry of living, even If it was on fat pork, with a stump for a table and a handful of leaves for napkin,"

But you must have found something besides pork at country tavema?" Yes once in a while. In court week, or doing the county fair, they*d persuade somebody to kill a Moor and two or three sheep: bat at other time* pork was the rule, varied by ham and eggs. Chickens were scam than tliey nt« in New York, in the .Spring, though, the landlord would sometimes strike me just before dinner, explain how be tried to buy

A t^at «iit anw an#l

RH«t, but couldn't get any. and then he'd •polotfia» for being unable inftwi

anything but trout. •:3reat Oswar!" "You're right, my boy.

cheating him by collusion with tbe doorkeeper. You've been to the circus "Somewhat that is, I've been a boy." "Then you know that amtoia a wag-» on tells tickets and these arejprasentedat tbe entrance to the tent. Well, there'd. be a jam at tbe wagon a man with a wife and three or four kids would get tired of roasting in the sun so they'd make a break for tbe door and ioaist on paying the ticket taker, who ondd hide ray tots of money this way, and no the wiser. The proprietors of the show asked me if I could manage the door without taking any money, so that they wouldn't have anybody but the treasurer to watch. I said, "Certainly, if yon can stand tbe row "How did it work?" "Work? Well, I wish yon could have seen tbe racket. I weighed about one hundred and eighty, and hadn't an ounce of fat on me, either indeed, the polar bear and I were tbe only ferocious in the menagerie. I put myself into a velvet jacket, too smooth and tight for anybody to get hold of. I had my hair cut short so that no fellow could get a grip on that, then line of thirty or forty of our driven, beginning just outside the ropes and ing a good many rods away. Tbe pie had fair warning. 'No Money

awa one

at the Door' was posted in big letters wherever we had a bill. But in spite of that some people came to the door with money. A farn wouldn't count noeee and he'd reach the door without enough tickets." "What did you ao for him?" "I'd let in as many as his tickets paid for. but the man himself I'd take by the collar and the slack of the breeches, lift him over the rope—politely, you know, no swearing—and in half a minute that double line of men would have him about a quarter of a mile away,and mad enough to kill somebody. It raised a tremendous row—separated families, you know, and set women and children crying. Pretty soon the fellow would buy a ticket, come back and free his mind." "Wouldn't be show fight?"f

The manager winked profoundly. Not after the taste he'd just had of my muscle—oh, no. He'd pronounce it an infernal shame, though, and I'd tell him I thought so, too, as I did, but I'd explain that I was only following orders, and he must not blame me for it, and as a rule he didn't, for I had already been known throngh the circus route for ears as a pretty decent sort of a fellow. don't think the row helped the show any, though. Besides, the owners got up anew wrinkle nobody could go out even if in

Bight

but I

weeks at a time when I didn't sleep in a bed four hours out of the twenty-four. Nowadays, when every country town is alicod up by two or three railroads, a circuH man can move about lively but even now ho don't get much time to talk politics or play poker. In my time I travelod by wagon! I wish I was in it thin minute." "What wore tho points of this wonderful conveyance?" "Well, thore was room in it for all my personal baggage there were also places for lunch and for—by tho way, did you over have tp tako a drink at a country hotel twenty yoars ago

Ana you kept duplicates?" Not much. I knew nobody else would counterfeit my signature—my figures I mean—for the sako of getting In free besides I could roniember their faces anyhow. When the fellow came Iwiok l'(f turn him around, look at the number, say 'All Right' and shove him in. It always made a big excitement in town. I know one of tho managers came to mo one day and whispered that bethought a lunatic asylum had been let loose to come to the show. What makes you think so?' I asked. 'Because there's a lot of fellows around here with big numbers chalked on their Iwcks.' said he. When I explained-to him he laid right down on the grass aud rolled. I really thought he'd burst himself laughing." "But didn't the chalk spoil their clothes?" vas their lookout. They could choose between it and tho price of a now ticket. When a tony fellow came along that could afford the fifty cents as well as not, but was too mean to do It, he was well marked, and don't you forget it. A decent fellow who wasn't very well drowsed I'd let off with a single figure and not a very big one, either— just big enongh to warn him against going out too often but the tonier a man wan the more chalk he got. Some of them would have a whole sum In addition on their backs, and tbe figures were big enough to read half a mile away. Yon ought to have seen me fresco the backs of a lot of British officers in full uniform up in Canada one day. A genuine gentleman I'd sometimes let np on by

f'd

I

always

cepted bis apology, went into the dining room

and

found in front of my plate a

lt«h with a pile of trout looking like about two bundles of kindling wood. When I got through with that dish, yon couldn't have fed ami on what was left.

How long did this Mian last?" "Not half long soough," sighed the manager, gathering a net In his waistband that he had unconsciously let out in memory of okl tiroes "A rival concern oflteml me double pay and I went with them to break np the system of taking money at the money at the door. You the** were two or three partners snd «M& thought the xiiet* were

oing through tbe motions of chalking. do it with my knuckle." "Did you chalk women, too?" "No a woman who went out of that sweat box never wanted to go back again—not that day, at any rate. Besides, although tho numbering waa fnn to me, I couldn't stand it to bo poisoned at the door by foul air because a heartless brute wanted to bull tbe lemonade market, so I made such a hubbub that the manager forbid any more drawing up of tbe canvas except in very rainy weather." "Md people always fill circus tents in those days? "Every time, if the show had any sort of reputation. We've set our tent at a cross-roads without a house in sightjand tlx hours later we'd have the whole county there: there'd be mors wagons than anybody ever saw following

Sverthat

am

le neoTaJcen

all the while without

paying again to go

in—no

return

"How did that work?" "It made no end of trouble. The fellow who had tbe candy privilege used to go around and draw the canvas walls up taut so as to make it as hotas Topbet inside, as it would increase the demand for the vile tartaric acid mixture that he called lemonade. Just let me tell you that when you get five thousand people and a hundred wild animals in a tight eanvas tent with tho sun blazing down on it, the place is as hot as a blast furnace and shiells like aNew York gutter on a summer day. Why, once in awhile a puff of that air used to come eut the door where I was standing and almost knock me flat even a strong cigar under my nose didn't help me much. Of course people would want to come out for a breath I'd let them go, but remind them that they have to bay fresh tickets to get back with. 'Twas a regular outrage all around some of the women would faint and the children get sick, though men knocked under quickest 1n the bad air. Nine out of ten of the people who wanted to go out were men." "What did you do about it?" "I numborea them," "Numbered?" "Yes. I got a big piece of chalk and cut it down to a good broad point. When a fellow wantod to go out rd tell him that it was against the rules to come back without afresh ticket, but that I'd make an exception in his case if he'd let mo number nim. So he turn around and I'd chalk across his back in big figures any number that happened to come into my head."

MI

army, besides saddle horses enough to mount two or three regiments of caval ry. Ah, those were tbe good old timea!'

BE WISE AND HAPPY. Pna If you will slop all your extravagant Mid wrong notion* In doctoring yoarmlf and families with expensive doctors or hnmbtH euro-alls, that do harm always, aim use only nature's simple for all yonr aliment*—you will be wise, well and happy, and save great expense. I Tbe greatest remedy for this, the great, I wise, and (pnod will tell you. la Hop Mtters—rely on It,—See another column.

TERRE HAtJTE SATURI)^ EVENING MAIL.

NIAGARA FALL84

SOME OF THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE i*GONE OVER THE CAJARACO^

1f||bin twenty-five years more than sixty persons have gone over the falls. Last summer seven went over, four on tbe American side, and three on the

Of those who go. over the

American falls the bodies' are Very seldom recovered, they tell me, while tbe bodies of those who go over on the C»n»HiRn Hide are usually found. This la because of tbe jagged rocks which lie hidden in the wbirland foam at the foot Of the American falls—these, grim teeth that they ere, seise upon the victim delivered to them, and hold him in a

rip neither bell nor diver can dehim, a grip which shall not be re Wad nntii the sound of that trumpet at whose blast the graves shall give their dead. It is generally boatmen,

told, familiar with the river, who fall a prey to the falls. Crossing and recrossing tbe river in safety thousands of times, knowing, as they su

too often to the well, oome toliave their pitchers terribly- broken at last. The usual fate of all who toy with the manes of lions or attempt the role of tigertamers is theirs. Some day there is a craanch, and all ia over. Las* summer, for instance, two boatmen started to cross the river ins sail boat, taking no oars along. It bad been their home since childhood, and boating was their business. Who should presume to warn them But in mid-river the wind died away, and they found themselves in the grip of the eurrent—a grip relentless ana un relaxing as that of fate. Faster and faater, as though drawn by demons beneath the keel, their boat neared the rapids—ah, the story is soon told. From the head of the rapids to their foot—the falls—a distance of perhaps eighty rods, the decline is nigh upon ninety feet. And down this inclined plane, as ybu can very well see, the water slides with something of the speed of an express train.

It is a terrible meteor that shoots by tbe few (for the exhibition has not been advertised in advance) who stand on the banks and bridges. Two pale-faced men in a frail boat, a Hell of waters around, and a deeper damnation ofLtho falls thundering in anticipative triumph below, arms widely out, stretched for an aid which none can give, no cry for succor audible, though you know that the shrieks of the doomed are .sent up to the skies—one glimjMe of this and

110

more. The baleful vision has vanished,

like tapers in the fateful foam of the falls, but the only testimony to the tragedy is tbe great clouds of spray which roll up to Heaven like smoke from the altar of immolation.

Here, as well as elsewhere, whisky comes to tho aid of water and supplements it in the work of destruction. Liquor is cheap on the Canadian side, so an abnormal boldness may bo gotten at what seems (and is in the outset) a very inconsiderable cost. But after crossing to the Canadian side the American side not infrequently knows the boatman no more forever. Charon takes up the oar, and the Styx, not tho Niagara, is ferried. Thus Mr. Whitney, of the Cataract house, tells me that last summer

hiB

son, sitting in the summer house of the grounds above the rapids, aaw a man getting dangerously near the sliding water. Running down to the bank he shouted to him to pull in shore, or he wpuld be in the currcnt-, but a drunken sture was the only answer. A few minutes more and the boat was among the dimpling eddies—tbe smiles, as it were, whish precede tbe infernal laughter of the rapids. Then the poor wretch, suddenly sobered, realized his position. Before he could hiccup a single pater, his sodden soul stood before its God.

No human being ever went over tho fallB that lived. Sam Patch but jumped from a ladder a hundred feet high erected near tho foot of Biddle stairs. Of the cats and dogs with which humanitarians have at various times experimented it is said that some have been picked up alive, but I mainly doubt it. Why, let tho fall but brush you and 'twere death but one corner of that pondrous sheet, striking with only half the impetus gathered by its descent, would smite the life out of behemoth.

OOOD-NfGHT.

Oood-night—the little lips toucli ours, Tho little arms enfold us And oh, that through coming years They might forever hold us!

Good-night! we answer back and smile, And kiss the drooping eyes: But In our trembling hearts fne While

Tho wistful queried rise— Who, in the weary years to come, When wo are hid from sight. Will clasp these little hands and ktas

These Itttle lips "Good-night?"

THE EMMA ABBOTT KISS. New York Sun. "Don't you ever really kiss the tenor in any of your plays?" 'No, I only pretend to but it it was neccoasary to the correct delineation of a character, I should not hesitate to kiss tbe atagecarpenter. I try to forget myself in the character I am acting. Complaints have been made of my earnestness. Brigtioli onee said: 'You are a little devil—you have broken my pulse,' meaning his wrist. A baritone once remonstrated with me for tearing the sleeve from his coat. But I believe in thorougbnesa in singing, in acting, in costumes and in scenery. "The American public demands that a prima donna shall be a Patti, a R&chel, and wear Worth's dresses. I try to work up every little poiut so aa to make a perfect ensemble. I have watched Neilson and Bernhardt to gather idem. The love scene in 'Paul ami Virginia* ia taken from the picture of tbe Huguenot lovers, and I have copied the picture of tbe death of St. Cecilia with great effect. I gather up these little points until the time comes to utilise tbem."

MAKING A CI ROUS. Somenrille Journal.

"Can pa make a circus, ma "I don't know, Johnny, I suppose he could if be had a great deal of money to buy homes and wild animals but why dk yon ask Johnny?" "O, nothing, much. Only I saw that Qaston fellow, that you told sis not to have nothing to do with, standing with his arm around her at tbe back gate, last night, and he said to sis, *1 a*poee if yer old man came around now be would make a circoa,* and said,'you bet!"'

AnvirK ia cheap,—dreadfully cheap. But we most be true to our instincts of humanity and tell our suffering friends to use 8L Jacobs Oil. and surprise their rheumatism snd themselves also the result. J. D. I* Harvey ,R*]„ of Chicago say*: I would be recreant to my duty those afflicted, did I not raise my vuice in its praise.—St. Louis Cbroniek*.

stsifc^igsss

THE JAMMER'S HIRED MAN. Detroit ftec Press. "I'm kinder lookin' around tbe market for a hired man," be exclaimed aa he stopped at one -'of the stands and nibbled at an onion. "I kinder need onQ, and yet I kinder hope I shan't be able to find him.'\i "How's that?" "Well, there aint no profit in a hired man no more. No, sir, he's no good any longer." "What's the reason "Oh, a dozen reasons. First aiyi foremost, times have changed, and the hiied man baa changed with 'em. Ah! air. it makes me sad when. I think of the hired men we had before the war— great big fellers with the strength of an ox and the vim of a locomotive. I didn't have to holler my lungs out to tone of 'em out of bed at 3 o'clock in morning, and it was all I could do to coax 'em to bed at 10 o'clock at night. I'm afraid that we shan't never see no more hired men wurth keepin' around for their board." h% 1 jffM "That's sad," V^ "It's sad, and more, too. Now. aa I said, I want a hired man. I'm willing to pay |11 or f!3 a month for a smart one. Some farmers want a man to work all day and all night, but that ain't me. I have never asked one to git out of bed before 3 o'clock, never. I alius giro my man three-quarters of an honr at noon, unless tbe hogs git out or cattle break in or a shower is coming up. After a man has worked right along for nine hours his system wants at least half an hour to brace up in. They don't quit o'clock work on some farms till 3 ut I'm no such slave-driver. At half-past 7 I tell my man to knock oft. All ho has to do after that is to feed the stock, cut a little wood, mow some grass for the horses, milk four cows, nil up the water-trough, start a smudge in tho smoke-house and pull a few weeds in the garden. I never had a hired man whe didn't grow fat on my work, and they alias left me feeling that they hadn't half earned their wages."

He stopped long enough to wipo a tear from nis eye, and then went on: And now look at the hired m»n of to-day! He wears white shirts and collars. He won't eat with a knife. He wants napkins when he eats, and if we don't hang up a clean towel once a week he wipes on his handkorchief. Call him at throe and he gets up at six. He wants a whole hour at noon, and after supper he trots off to a singing school, or sits down to a newspaper. Fifteen yoars ago if my liired man was sick for half a day I dock could him. If he died I could take out a month's wages for the trouble. Ho was glad to git store orders for his pay, and he would wash in a rain barrel and wipe on the clothes line. There's bin a change, sir—an awful change, and if a reaction don't set in soon you will witness tbe down-

all of agrioulturo in this country.' "Then you wont'hire another?" "Wall,* I can't just say. Work powerfully pressing, but I'm slow. Before I hire Wm I want to know whether ho's a man who'll pass his plate for more meat and tators, and whether we've got to use starch in doing up his shirts. The last man I had took me to task for not holding family irayers twice a day, and after I had one so for three months I found it was only a game of his to beat me out of half an nour a day. He thought he had pretty soft thing, and he looked mighty louesome when I cut Old Hundred down to two lines and got through with the Lord's prayer in 40 seconds."

A BACHELOR'S REFLECTION.

I He in my bachelor chamber, Enveloped in fleecy moonbeams. And dream of you, beautiful woman,

Perpetual theme of my dreams. Had you been as loyal and loving As I've been, fair woman, to you, My cup might have held less of wormwood,

This lonely room might have held two.

KATE 3PRAGTJE.

WASHINGTON'S EX-QUEEN AT SEA SHORE.

THE

Atlantic City Letter.

Did you ever look upon a beautiful faco which told you almost as plainly as words that mental anguish had but addod to its beauty. I contemplated such a countenance in the parlor of tho Shclburne to-night. Its owner was a lady rather inclined to be tall, but with a symmetrical form which looked all tho more attractive for the extremely plain costume, black in color, and almost severe in its lack of trimming or other adornment. Her blonde hair, dressed in the prevailing seaside fashion—an English frizae—covered the foaehead to within an inch or so of the dark blue eyes, and two flushed cheeks, a mouth full of pearly teeth, lips like a ripo cherry, and a short round chin completed tho picture.

But there was something in tho face apart from its natural gifts which was calculated at once to rivet the attention of tho observer. It was an expression of indescribable molancholy and pain, as if the iron hand entered the soul of its owner and left there, not hate or vindictiveness, but sorrow and anguish—a look so plaintive, so appealing, that one might match it to melt tne hardest heart. "Who is she?" I heard tbe question asked twenty times inside of an hour, and each time tbe answer was returned:

Kate Cbase Sprague." Tho former mistress of Canonchet has been the guest of the Sbelburne since Tuesday, and proposes to remain until tbe close of the season. A maid and two nurses, who havo on tire charge of be# three children, all girls, the oldest being twelve and tbe youngest not yet three, comprise her retinue. She moves about in aareamy sort of a way, seldom mingling with the other guests or engaging with tbem in conversation.

Even when in the society of intimate friends, several of whom are at tbe same hotel, she sedelously avoids all references to her domestic difficulties. I asked her to-night if tbe sale of tbe Sprague estate, referred to in tbe morning despatches from Providence, jeopardised any of her interests, and ber mouth was open for a reply when Judge Tyner put in an inopportune appearance with a remark on tbe mosquitoes, a popular subject, which instantly changed the drift of tbe conversation.

There is one thing th.it tbe little newsboys who hunt for patronage on Michigan avenne have not been slow in finding out—Mrs. Sprague Is an attentive reader of tbe New York morning dailioa. Any morning, soon after the arrival of tbe train with the Gotham papers, a conple of lads may be seen running

nroir

ftUU MWW MV s» laughed and

am) nec* np the avetrae to tbe porch of the Sbelburne, and tbe one who

wins

is certain sure to leave with at least four papers short. Wbetber the demand will continue to exfart, now that the Albany crowd has laid Lord Roeooeon tbe •heft, to a problem to be solved.

CTHOI#**A*—NO danger from cholera if tbe Liver is In proper order snd ordinarv nrudenoe in diet is observed. Tbe aSoaidtirtcittg of Simmons' Liver Regulator to keep tbe system healthy, will sorely prevent attacks of ChoHni.

•?"».

tiegeeti thing

Sutcher

is

J§w -V#

SWEARING.

HOW MEN INDULGE IN PROFANITY— A TEST MADE IN THE INTEREST OF A WAGER-

I".

Boston Post.

A bar tender always takes an opposite view of everything. The other day

hemed even shocked a parrot and the said he'd give seventy-five dollars if he could talk like that. Gallagher had won. He rose up and explained the affair. The six, beaded by the young man from Maine, started for him as one man. They pulled him all over the lace, brushed the ceiling with him, or a foot ball, threw him down the

cellar, brought him up again, tore his clothes off and made nim drink water. They said they wanted to see if it would make him swear—and it did.

BILL ARP ON MODERN COURTSHIP. I am sorry for the little chaps of this generation, for they are stuffed and crammod with every good thing before tbey get old enough to enloy it, and their very cradles aro filled with marbles, snd tops, and pocket-knives, and balls, until they are surfeited and got tired of everything, and go about unand whining for something else. Children ain't children now. Tho boys don't play bull-pen nor town ball, nor oat, nor chinkapins, and string 'em, and put 'em around their sweetheart's necks and steal a kiss for pay. I remember I will remember—I will always remember the first sweot kiss I got from mine. Ginger cakes were mighty good in their way, but they never thrilled mo, nor waked up tho Elysian joys that slumbered in my astonished bosom. Wonder if the like of that is to come back to a man in Heaven I hope so, for love is Heaven, and that kind of love was innocent and pure. I honestly believe tho boys of the olden times loved the girls a heap bettor than the boys do now and versa-vica. There wasn't so many things to distract their attention and scatter it around promiscuously. Why. when one of tbem old time boys loved a girl he loved her as hard as a mule could kick. He loved her all over ho just felt exactly like he could wade tbroueh bloody seas to get her. But now there is so many fine clothes, so much jewelry to distract a girl's attention, thinks more of fashion and clothes than sho does of the boy and then there are so many balls and round dances, and so many promiscuous arms swinging her around, that she likes on© fellow as well as another, and the trouble is, after she gets married sho keeps on loving 'em. If I was a young man now I don't think I would riiato With that sort of a girl, monoy or

110

L.

Mr.

Gallagher was in a court street saloon andupped his chair too far back and went over and jammed his head in a cuspedore and was considerably hurt. The incident annoyed bim, and when he got up he swore liberally, and the bar tender told him he hadn't ought Gallagher said that under the influ ofsuaaen pain five men out of six would swear. Tbe bartender didn't believe it, and the result was a bet. Gallagher got an ordinary brick and heated it fearfully hot and placed it on the marble bar. Now a bride doeant show heat and. therefore, it was not surprising that when Mr. Guff came in and saw tbe brick on the bar he should pick it up. He, however, showed no dispoaiti it in his pocket or do any thing else with it. He immediately laid it down and made frantiegestures and said aaumber

to.

uenoe

Then in came a

•butcher, who also picked it up and put it down. He looked around savagely, and after freeing his mind of some unholy sentiments, said he hoped he shouldn't see anybody laugh, as he preferred not to be under the necessity of doing morder. The next victim was a Chinaman, and he spoke every word of Bnglish he knew, and two-thirds of what he remarked would have been improper in a Sunday school. He joined Mr. GufTand the butcher in sucking his fingers and watching for the next chap. He came in the form of a prominent politician, and as he placed the briok upon the bar his language sounded like after election talk. The bar tender began to be nervous, but the next man merely pranced about and wildly waved his hands without saying a word. It appeared that he was a dumb man. So the next man would decide the bet. He came. He was a young man from the lumber districts of Maine, and didn't look like a talkative chap. But whea he got hold of the brick his jaws seemed to become Joose, and the way he blas-

moiifcy—that is, if

there was any other sort within marrying distance and if I was girl I would aay, hands off, young gentleman, until tho preacher makes us better acquainted. Those aro old fashioned ideas, I know, but somehow old folks can't got rid of 'cm.

THE awful dignity of the bhinese gentleman will not allow him to manufacture his own witticisms. Hi appreciates wit and is fond of toa but he would as soon grow his own tea as make his own jokes. When he goes intcl society, he carries in his pocket a package of witticisms and repartees which he has purchased at the nearest joke s&op. When con$n»tion flags, and he jferceives an opportunity for saying som liant, he drawsja humorous the top of his package and bor. The

bril-

rfc from

ely hands gravely Dundle roprlate, al joker, us and me their vingacpicuous as one are

it to h£» neighbor. "Tbe latte reads it, and, selecting of repartee tbe one which is a returns it with a bow to tbe ori Tbe two tben amile in a cou undemonstrative way, and it conversation, satisfied as to vernation, satisfied as to their quitted themselves with co brilliancy. This proceeding marked advantage—tbe wfltl generally very good

COMPLICATED DISS A S. H. Journal and Courier, A prominent gentleman ii Cerro Gordo County, Iowa, writes ui that be finds Kidnev-Wort to be tl

5

beat

remedy be ever knew for a 00m ication of diseases. It is the spedflt action which it has on tbe liver, kidt vs and bowels, and it is tbe thousands cures which it ia performing which gi s* It its great celebrity. liquid (very Concentrated) or dry, both act efficient!

THB ladies who some time sin were unable to go out, having taken die Pinkbam's Vegetable oompeun I, are quite recovered, and have gone oj their way rejoicing.

Iltfefag Tbs symptoms are mowsw lijw P^Pir*"

pin

the rectum tbe private parts atenonMiraee aflfeeted If allowed to eobtinue

recoil* may follow.

very

Moos

"Dr.8»»y«^AI

H«al-

to*Ointment" toa pie—ant wnean Also for tetter. Itch, salt rheum, acald he* 1, «-ry«lpelsa,laartierNi tub. Notches, »H Kiel: rros* ty.etrtanenoaeniptkHM. Price 50 o«ot three txx«« for 11.25. Hent by mail to any a Jrw* 00 receipt of price. In eurnmw cent pontage tfampa. Prepared only by *yae jkhonTm north Sixth street, rhllsd pn Sold by ail prominent draRirfa. 8wayneS Pills an- the be* for all lions disorders. Core stek snd nervoos tMNfaobe.

rr"*\

BETTER YET.

On a Canada Southern train the other day a Detioiter had a seat behind a couple who got on at little statiou near St. Thomas, and be thought he bad seen the man's face before. He was looking at him sharply and trying to remember where: be bad met him, when tho man turned to him and asked: "Aren'tyau Thomas—, of Detroit?" "Yes and arent you William of Buffhlo?" •Yes." "I thought so when you came in. And ain't you running away with old Judge Blank's daughter, of St Thomas "I've got a better thing than that," whispered -William, aa he leaned over the seat, "I am running away with his wife!" f, »kta Mseaeea. "Swayncfc Ointment"*) Cures tbe most tin "Swayno1* Ointment" "Swayne'a Ointment" "Swayne'a Ointment" '•Swajne'a Ointment" "Swayne'a Ointment" "Mwayne'a Ointment"' "Swayne'a Ointment" "Swajroe's Olatmcnt" "Swayneto Ointment"' "Swayne'a Ointment" "SwayneV Ointment" "Swayne'a Ointment" "Swayne'a Ointment" "Swayne'a Ointment" "Swayne'a Ointment" "Swayne'a Ointment" "Swayne's Ointment"

veKerate eases akin disease, aneh aa tetter^alt rbema^eald head, barber's itch, sorea^dl crusty sealy itohinf, akin eruptions, and that distressing complaint, ltohlng piles, the only effectual care, no matter how obstinate or long stand i'g

Aak for it and take no other. "It oares where all eise fails. Sold by all prominent druggists.

PILESt PI1.BS!! PILES!!! A Sure Care Fonad at Last! No One Heed Bafltor.

A sure cure for the blind, bleeding, itching aud ulcerated piles has been discovered by I)r. WllUaui8 (au Indian remedy), called Dr. Williams' Indian Ointment. A single box has cured tbo worst chronic cases of 35 and 30 years' standing. No one need suflVr flvo nun-"* ... ...

iing.

nutes after applying this wonderful soothing medicine. Lotions, instruments and electuaries do more harm than good. Williams' Ointment absorbs the tumors, allays tho intense itching (particularly at night after getting warm in bed), acts as a poultice gives Instant and palnlets relief, and Is prepared only for piles. Itching of tho private parts and nothing else.

Read what tho Hon. J. M, Oofflnberry, of Cleveland, says about Dr. Williams' Indian Pllo Ointment: "I have used scores of pile cures, and it affbrds me pleasure to say that I havo nover found anything which gavo such immediate relief as Dr. Williams' Indian Pile Ointment."

For sale by all druggists, or mailed on recoipt of prioe, 11.00. HENRY A DAVIES, Prop's,

CLKVKLAND, OHIO.

Best Remedy for Chapped Hands Is Heceman's Camphor Ice. It should be rubbed upou tho part eltbcted. Tho warmth of the skin will soften it sutllclcntly, under ordinary clrcumstanoes, but in oxtreino cold weatber, it may be necessary to warm it by the Are. If the Iiaads aro badly chapped, apply every night, and protect the hands by wearing an old pair of kid gloves, liegoman's is tho best and most popular of all the Camphor lees made. Hegeman's Camphor Ice is also a cure for sore lips, chapped hands and sunburn. It is compounded with glycerine, which renders it more emolllont than any otbor Camphor Ice: and it will be found a most soothing application for the face aftor shaving. be sure to ask for liegeman's (formerly made by Hcgeman Co., New York, ana now made by the Metropolitan Med. Co., of New Haven, Conn.,) and do not be put with any other compound, Which may IHVoft" come rancid and do you moro harm thau good. Hegemau'sCamphor Ice uever fails.

Tbe Egyptian Rat Dcalroyer Is the best preparation over devised for tlio extermination of those troublesome vermin, and all other Insects, bugs, roaehes, etc. (1)

Agenta and Canvassers

Make frotb 990 to #00 per weofe selling goods for E. G. HIDEOUT fc CO., 10 Barclay Street, New York. Send lor their catalogue and terms. Aug^l-lyr.

MALARIAL? POISON.

The principal cause of nearly all sickness at this time of the yoar has Its origin In a disordered Liver, which, if not regulated In time, great suffering, wretchednoss and doath will ensue. A gentleman, writing from Kouth America, says: "I have usod your Hlmmons Liver Ilegulator with good oflwt. both as a prevention and cure for Malarial Fevers on tho Isthmus of Panama."

If you feel drowsy, debilitated, havo frequent headache, mouth tastes badly, poor appetite and tongue coated, you arosutrering from torpid llvof or "biliousness," and nothing will cure you so speedily and permanently as to take

Simmons Liver Regulator

It is given with safety and thcnapplwt restilts to the most delicate Infant. Illaktwtlie ulacc of (jiilulnc and bitters of every kind, [t is tho cheapest, purest and best family inoiilclne in tho world.

HOLD BY ALL ITtUG»IMTH. Buy tho Genuine in White Wrapper, with red Z, prepared only by J. II. Xcllln A Co

rpHE AUTOPHONE

Is the cheapest, Ixwt, nn! most comprehensive automatic musical Instrument ever brought forth. It has twenty-two notes (six moro than any other musical Instrument) plays in three keys: is simple In construction. It can beplayed by achlld. It Is absolutely qerfoct in its rendition of music,

beat­

ing its own time, while all others require faster or slower motion. Does away with cranks and handles, beln played by direct action of tho bellows, plays any kind of music, both Autophone and music are cheaper by far than all others. Send for circular. Liberal discounts to canvasaen. Address

THB AUTOPHONK CO..

S&-4L ITHACA, N. V.

Reward!

fbe above reward for an any ,sick

caseof liver complaint, dyspepsia, headache. Indigestion, constipation or oos-% tlveness we cannot cure with Wcst'n Vegetarely vegetable

^yEwlll ache, Ind less we cat bie Liver Fills, wbere thedirectionsarclonaarcsfrlctly com pi loci with. Theyare purely vegetable and never fall to give satisfaction. Kpcnr coated. Large boxes, containing£0 puis, 25 cents. For sale by all druggists. Beware of counterfeits and imitations. .Tbe gonolne manufactured only by JOHb C. wl®fT A CO., "The Pill Makwv* 1*1 and 18* W. Madl*,n street, Chicago. Free trial package sent by mail prepaid on receipt of a 3 oeut stamp.

JVervoiiB Debility!

A Cure Guaranteed! fyft E.C. WESTB Nerve snd Brain Treat-

ment a sped lie tor hysteria, dizsineas,* convulsions, nervoos headache, mental dopramton, loss of memory, spennatorrhoM, impotency, involuntary emissions, prema tore old age, earned by over exertion, sell abase or over Indulgence, which leads to misery, decay and death. One box will cure recenteasss. Each box containsonemonthV treatment. One dollar a box, or six boxes for five dollars sent by mall prepaid on receipt of price. We guarantee six boxes to core any caw-. With each order received by us for «x boxes, accompanied with five doflam, we will aend tbe purchaser our written guarantee to return the money If the treatment data not effect a en re. Guarantees Is sued only wben tbe treatment is ordered di rectfromna. Addrem JOHN C. WKHTdcOO. fM« Proprietors, 1*1 and 18? W. Madison SC. Chicago. Ills. Hold by Cook A lieil, Tern* liante, Indiana.