Saturday Evening Mail, Volume 9, Number 41, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 12 April 1879 — Page 6

6

THE MAIL!

A PAPER FOR TIIK PEOPLE.

THE DEACOX'S SEW HOUSE.

Did yoa ask me if 1 was tired Yes,I'm e'en a most tuckered ou*. But a woman that's goin'on seventy I

Hain't never so powerful stout.

It's a good three ml!es to the Deacon's, And Nance's a rodgh beast to ride 8o she's managed by inmln'and frettin'»

To gin me a pain In my side- $

Hain't I sorry I went? Not a bit, child, For I think I've been pretty well paid. I tell yoa tuat house of the Deacon a

Knocks every one's else in the shade,

It's as fine as a fiddle, Mahaly, And as bandy as it can be, From the very top to the bottom

There's nothin' a laoki.ii* you see.

Who'd ever a thought our Deacon I Would built on such a plan Why they've allers accused him of beln'

A most penurious man. That house co a heap ot money— Three thousand at least I'm shore For it's got ail them modern fixiu's,

And a rostrum over each door.

Folks say his new wife's big feelln' And as stuck up as she can be But don't you believe 'em, Haly,

She's as common as you or me.

And I hadn't been there Ave minnlls TJI1 I felt as much to hum A« ever did in the old house

Before the new wife come.

Why she took me in every room, child, And told what this and that was fur. And I wouldn't nknowed the half of 'em

If it hadn't aben for her. And I can't begin to tell you The name of this and that But you'd oughter hearn her speak 'em,

Sue had 'em all so pat.

And as soon as liayln's over, And he work hands go away, 1 want you to take old Nanc*«

And ride over and spend the day.

And I'm sure you'll not regret it, But '11 thiuk you've been well paid For, as I sed before, tin Deacon's house

Knocks every one's else In the shade. AUNT JEMIMA, in Ind. Herald. Newport, ltd., March 24,1879.

TOD.

A rippling underflow of limpid thought, loosed from the fountain-head of some pure memory, and flowing dimly down the channels of a dream. There are no words to voice its music happily— no hearts to hear. And yot the idle skater gliding o'er the frozen surface of the stream may faintly catch the murmur of the waters underneath.

Stoddard Anderson was the boy's name, though had you made inquiry for Stoddard Anderson of any boy of the town iu which he lived—and I myself lived there, a handy boy in the dim old days—you doubtless would have been informed t|jat nobody of that name lived there. Your juvenile informant, however, by way of gratuitous intelligence, might have gone on to state that two families of the name of Anderson resided there—"Old Do-good" Anderson, the proacber, and his brother John. But bad you asked for "Tod" Anderson, or simply "Tod," your boy would have known Tod your boy, in all likelihood, would have had especial reasons for remembering Tod, although his modesty, perhaps, might not allow him to inform you how Tod had "waxed it to him more'n onc't," but he would have told you, as I tell you now, that Tod Ander son was the preacher's boy, and lived at the parsonage. Tod was a queer boy.

Stoddard Anderson was named in honor of some obscure divine his father had joined church under when a boy and it was a peculiar weakness of the father to relate this experience of bis early conviction and as he never tired of repeating it, by way of precept and admonition to the wayward lambkins of bis flock, Tod mastered its most intricate and sttfcred phraseology, together even with his more religious formulas, to a degree of perfection that enabled bim to preside at mock meetings in the hayloft, and offer the baptismal service at the "swimmin'-hole."

In point of personal or moral resem blance, Tod was in no wise like his father. Some said he was the picture of his mother, they who could remember her, for she "went home" when Tod was three d-i.va old, with her mother arms locked around him, as though she would have taken him along. So closely did abe fold him to her yearning heart, be cried, and they bad to take him away from her. No, death had taken her away from him.

It need* now no chronicle to tell us how Tod thrived in spite of his great loss, and how he grew to bo a big, fat, two-flsted baby with a double chin, the pride and constant worry of the dear old randmother into whose care he had alleu.

It requires no space in history crowded page t- tell us bow he could stand up by a chair when eight months old, and crow and laugh and doddle his little chubby arms till he quite upset his balance, and pulling the chair down with him, would laugh and crow louder than ever, and kick, and crawl, ind sprawl, and jabber and never lift a whimper of distress but when being rooked to sleep. Let a babyhood of unusual interest be inferred—then add a few more years, and you will have the Tod of ten that I knew.

O moral, godlike and consistent (Christian, what is It in the souls of little children so antagonistic with your own? What is it in their wayward and impulsive natures that you cannot brook and what strange tincture of rebellious feeling, is it that emblttere all the tenderness ana love you pour out so lavishly upon their stubborn and resentful hearts Why is it you so covetously cherish the command divine, "Children, obey your parents," and yet And no warm nook within the breast for that old houseless truth that goes walling through the wortd: "A boy's will Is the wind's will, .And ttoe thoughts of yoath are loug, long thoughts.'

Tod went to school. The thriftless 'Tod—not wholly thriftless, either for, although he had not that apt way of skimming like a swallow down the plftdd rills of learning, he did possess, in aome ravsterious strength, a most extraordinary knack of acquiring just such information as was not taught at school, and bad no place within the busy hive of knowledge.

IITod was a failure In arithmetic. Tod couldn't tell twice ten from twice eternity. Tod knew nfcsolntely nothing of either Christopher Columbus or the glorious country he discovered expressly for the use of industry and learning, as the teacher would have bad him most implicitly believe. Tod couldn't tell you anything or John Smith, even, that very noted captain who walks cheek by

•*r

jowl with the dusky Pochahontas acrossthe illimitable fancy of the ten-year-old schoolboy of our glorious republic. Tod knew all about the famous Captain Kidd however. In fact, Tod could sing his hi«:«»ry with more lively interest and real appreciation than bis fellow schoolmates sang geography. The 8im pie Tod once joined the geographical chorus with— »i'd

a

Bible In my hand, .'

9* As I sailed, as 1 sailed,

1

And 1 sunk berin the sand, As I sailed."

And Tod—not Captain Kidd—had a ringing in his ears as be sung, as he sung, and an overflow of tears as he sung.

Tod rau away horn school that afternoon, and sang Captain Kidd, from A to Izzard, in the full bearing of the "Indus trial hive," to the very evident amusement of "the workers," and the discomfiture of the ruler of "the swarm."

The teacher called on the good minister tb it evening, and after a long talk on the back porch, left late in the dusk, wiping his eyes with one

tband,

and

shaking the other very warmly with the preacher. And Tod Bllpped noiselessly along the roof above them, and slid dowu the other side, and watehed the teacher's departure with a puzzled face.

Tod was ajt school next morning long before the call of "books." In fact, so early be availed himselt of his isolated situation by chalking the handle of the teacher's pointer, boring a gimlet hole in the water bucket, slipping a chip under one corner to tilt it out of balance and in many more ingenious ways contributing to the coming troubles of the day. The most audacious act, however, was to climb above the teacher's desk, and paste a paper wad above the letter "0" in the old motto, "Be good," that bad offered him its vain advice for years And as one by one these depredations met the teacher's notice through the day, and the culprit as often braced himself for some disastrous issue, his only punishment was the assured glance the teacher always gave bim, and the settled yet forbearing look of pain upon his face.

In a moment of sheer daring Tod laughed aloud—a hollow, hungry laugh, that had no mirth in it—but as suddenly subsided in a close iuvestigation of a problem iu mental arithmetic, looking very puzzled when the teacher had backea slowly toward his desk and stood covertly "awaiting further develop ments, but was left again to his own inclinations, after having, with a brszen air of innocence, solicited and gained the master's assistance in the solution of a very knotty problem, which it is needless to say he knew no more of than before yet it was noticed from that time on throughout the remainder of the day, that Tod had grown strangely thoughtful, aud was evidently evolving in his mind a more serious problem than could be found in books.

And of his own aecord, that evening at the close of school, be staid in for some mysterious reasou that even his own deskmate could not comprehend and when an hour later, this latter worthy from the old barn opposite watched Tod and the teacher band in hand come slowly down the walk, he whispered to himself with bated breath: "What's the durn fool up to anyhow?"

And ever, from that notable occasion, Tod grew to be a deeper mystery than he could fathom, inasmuch as some strange spirit of industry fell upon him, and be became a student.

Though a perverse fate bad seemingly decreed that Tod should remain a failure in all branches wherein most schoolboys readily excel, he rapidly advanced in reading and in the declamatory art he soon acquired a lame that placed him high above the reach of all his competitors.

Tod never cried when he got up to "speak." Tod never blanched, looked silly, and hung down bis head. Tod never mumbled in an undertone—was never at a loss to use bis hands nor ever had "his piece" so poorly memorized that he must hesitate with awkward repetitions, to at last sit down in wordless misery among the unfeeling and derisivo plaudits of the school. Tod, in a word, knew no such word as failure when his turn was called to entertain bis hearers either with the gallant story of the youthlul "Casablanca," "The Speech of Logan," of "Catiline's Defiance." Let a scholar be in training for the old time exercises of Friday at tern:on, and he was told to speak out clear and full—not hang his bead—not let his arms bang down like empty sleeves—but to stand up like a king, look everybody in the face as if he were doing something to be proud of—in short to take Tod for his model, and "speak out like a man!"

When Tod failed to make bis appearance with his usual promptness, one Frl day afternoon, and the last day of the term, there was evidence of general disappointment. Tod wa* to deliver a valedictory, written especially for that|OC:asion, by the teacher. The visitors were all there—the school committee and the minister, Tod's father, who occupied Tod's desk alone when "books" was called. The teacher, with his pallid, careworn lace, tip toed up and down the aisles, beudiug occasionally to ask a whispered question, aud to let the look of auxious wonder deepen on ha face a9 the respectful pupils shook their heads in silent respouse. But upon a whispered colloquy with the minister, his face brightened, as be learned that "Tod was practicing his oration in the woodbou»e half anu the bell."

jour before the ringing of

A boy was sent to bring him, but returned alone, to say that he had not been able to find any trace of him. "Oh, he'll be here in plenty time enough," said the teacher, apologetically to the sad taoed minister. "He's deeply interested in his piece for this afternoon, and I'm certain bo wouldn't purposely disappoint me."

The good man shook his head resignedly, with a prayerful flight of the eyes, indicative of bis long suffering and 'forbearance.

The opening services of singing and er. No Tod. rst class in arithmetic called—examined. No Tod.

Second class, ditto still no Tod* Primary class in ditto, composed of two little twin sisters, aged six. with very red hair and Mr skin, ana very short dressee and very slim legs. Tod failed to join bis class.

The patient and long suffering minister was ill at ease. The exercises failed in some way to appease the hunger of the soul within. He looked out the open window nervously, and watched a saucy little sapsucker hopping up aud down a tree first up one side and then down the other, suddenly disappearing near the roots, and as suddenly snrprising him with a mischievous pecking near the top fork. He thought of his poor, way* ward boy, with a vague, vague hope that he might yet, in some wise ruling of a graciout providence, escape the gallows, and with a deep sigh turned to the noisy quletof the school room he did not even smile a« he took up Tod's geography, opened it at the boy's latest work, a picture of the State seal, where a stalwart pioneer, in his shirt sleeves, hacked away at a gnarled and stubborn looking tree, without deigning to notice a stam­

ll

TEKRE HAUTE SATURDAY E EN IN G^IVOLIE.

peding herd of buffalo that dashed by in iboK alarming proximity. The utter nonchalance of the sturdy yeoman was much intensified since Tod's graphic pan had uiouLted etmb plunging monster with a daring rider, holding a slack bridlereln in one hand, and with the other swinging a plug hat in the most exultant and defiant manner. This piece of grotesque art, and others equally suggestive of the outcropping genius of their author, were pqt wearily aside, only serving, as it seemed, to intensify rather than dissolve the native gloom enshrouding the good father's face. And so the exercises wore along till recess oame, and with it came the missing Tod. "I'm in time, am I? Goody!" shouted Tod, jumping over a small boy who had stooped to pick up a slate pencil, and stopping abruptly in front of the teachdoflk, "Why, Tod what in the world!"

Tod's features wore a proud, exultant smile, though somewhat glamoured with a network of spiteful looking scratches and his eyes were more than usually bright, although their lids were blue, and swollen to a size that half concealed them. His bead, though held jauntily erect, suggested nothing but pure rakisbness his hairtowzled beyond all reason, with little wisps of it glued together with clots of blood bis best clothes soiled aud torn, and a bruised and naked knee showing through a straight rent across one leg of bis trousers, and a hundred other indications that conveyed the idea of a recent passage through some dread gauntlet of disastrous fortune.

It was nothing, Tod said, only on his way to school he came up with a blind man who played the fiddle and sold lead pencils, and the boy who had been leading him bad stolen something from bim and Tod, at the solicitation of the blind man, bad started in pursuit of the flying fugutive, only to overtake him alter a prolonged chase of more than a mile. "And now I ve got you out o' town," said the boy, wheeling suddeuly upon him, "I'll jist meller your head fur you!"

And after along pause, in which Tod's face was hidden from the curious group about bim, as the teacher bent above bim at the back steps, pouring water on bis head, he continued: "Didn't think the little cuss was sc stout. Oh, I'm scratched up, but you ought to hear him boiler 'uuff,' aud you ought to see him band over threo boxes of pens and them pen holders and pencils he stol'd, and a whole bunch o' envelopes there's blood on some of 'em, and the blind man said I could keep 'em, and he give me a lead pencil, too, with red in one end and blue in the other. Father, you sharpen it."

Tod never spoke better in bis life than on that memorable afternoon—so well, indeed, did he acquit himself the good old father failed to censure him that evening for the sin of fighting, and perhaps never would have doDe so had not the poor blind man that Tod had so gallantly befriended so far forgotten the dignity of his great affliction as to get as drunk as he was blind, two evenings following, and play the fiddle in front of the meeting house during divine service.

It was during the vacation following these latter mentioned incidents that an occurrence of far more seriousness transpired.

Tod had never seen a circus in his life, for until that eventful epoch in our uneventful history our humble little village had never been honored with the presence of this "most highly moral and instructive exhibition of tbe age." And wheu the grand cavalcade, with its blar ing music and its richly comparisoned horses, with their nodding plumes and spangles, four abreast, drawing the identical "fiery chariot" Tod had beard bis father talk so much about when all the highly painted wagons with their mys~. terious contents, and the cunning fairy ponies with their little flossy raanos and tails—when all this burst upon Tod's enraptured eyes—why, the very show bills, posted two weeks before, bad played leading parts in all bis brightest dreams, and yet how vague and dim and shadowy in splendor and magnificence were his dreams compared with this most glorious reality, bursting, flowerlike, before him, filling all his thirsty spirit with a fragrance half divine.

Tod fell mutely in his place behind the band wagon with its myriad followers, and so dazed, awe stricken and entranced, accompanied the pageant on its grand triumphant march around the town.

Tod carried water for tbe animals Tod ran errands of all kinds for the showmen Tod looked upon the gruff, ill tempered canvas hand with an awe approaching reverehce. And Tod was going to thejstrow, too, for be had been most fortunate in exchanging his poor services of tbe morning for the "open sesamo" Of all the dreamed of wonders of the arena. And Tod would laugh and whisper to himself, bugging the ticket closely to bis palpitating side, as he ran about on errands of a hundred kinds, occupying every golden interlude of time in drawing tbe magic passport from bis pocket, and gloating over tbe cabalistic "complimentary" with the accompanying autograph of tbe fat old manager with tbe broad, bejeweled ex-

Eanse

of shirt front, and a watch seal as ig as a walnut while on the reverse side he would feast bis vision on an "exterior view of the monster pavilion," where "a girl poised high in air on a cord, in spangled dress," was kissing her hand to a mighty concourse of people, who waved their hats and handkerchiefs in wildest token of approval and acclaim. Nor was this tbe sole cause of bis high delight, for tbe fat man with the big watch seal had seemed to take a special fancy to bim, and had told bim he might bring a friend along, that his ticket would pass two and even as tbe gleeful Tod was scampering off to ask tbe teacher If he wouldn't go, he met bis anxious father in a deep state of distress, and was led home, even as a lamb unto tbe slaughter, to listen in agony and tears to a dismal dissertation on the wickedness of shows, and tbe unending punishment awaiting tbe poor giddy moths that fluttered round them. Tod was missed next morning. He had retired very early the evening previous. "said the good vaguely that be adn't eaten any sapper, "and 1 thought

"He acted strange-Uke,' trand mother, recalling

I beard him crying, onoe daring tbe night. What was the matter with him, Isaac?"

Three weeks later Tod was discovered by his distracted father and an officer, stowed oowerlngly away behind a roll of canvas, whereon a fat man sat declaring with a breecy nonchalance that no boy of Tod's description was "along o' Ibat 'ere pabty." And tbe defiant Ted, when brought to light, emphatically asserted that tbe fat man was in no wise blamable that he had run away on his own hook, and would do It again if he wanted to. Bathe broke there with a heavy sob and then the fat man said to bim: "There! there! Oooteey, go with the old 'un here's a dollar for yoa." And Tod cried aloud.

Tbe goockminlster had btdttght a letter

for

Biliisi

bim, too, and as the bey Mad it

through his tears he turned homeward almost eagerly.

"Dear Tod," it ran "I have been quite sick since you left me. You must come back, for I miss you, and I can never get well again without you. I've got anew kink on a pair of stilts I've mado you, bnt I can't tell bow long to It-ave them till you come. Fanny comes over every day, and talks about yon so uiuub 1 iiaH believe sometimes she likes you better tban she does your old stick uuctt- mil I can stand that because you deserve it, and I'm too old for little girls to 1»VH much. It'll soon be the Fourth, ou know, and we must be getting ready lor a big time. Come home at once, for 1 am waiting.

To Stoddard Anderson, from his old friend and teaober." And Tod went borne. His old friend still awaited him. As be came into tbe darkened room be saw tbedearold face but it bad grown so pale—so very pale— tbe kindly band reached out to grasp his was thin and wasted, and tbe gentle voice that he bad learned to lsve bad grown so faint and low—so very low it sounded like a prayer. And as the good minister turned silently and left tbe two old friends together there were teardrops in his eyes.

And so the little staggering life went on alone. Some old woman gossip, peering through the eye of a needle on tbe institution known as the "Ladies' Iwnevolent sewing society," said that "it 'peared to her like that boy of the preacher's jest kep' a pinin' and a pinin' away like, ever s»nce they fetched him back from bis runaway scrape. She'd seen him time and time again sence then, and although the little snipe was innocent like to all appearances, she'd be bound that he was into devilment enough. Reckoned he was too proud to march in tbe school p'session at the teacher's funeral and didn't go to the meetin' house at all, but put off to tbe graveyard by bisself ana when they got there with the corpse he was a settin' with his lees a hangin' in the grave, and a pitch)n' clods in and a emilin'. And only jest the other evening," she continued, "as I was comin' past there, kind o' in the dust like, that boy was a settin' a straddle o' the grave and jest a cryin'! And I thought it kind o' strange like, and stopped and hollered: "What's the matter of ye, Tod?' and he ups and hollers back: 'Slumpt my toe, durn ye!' and thinks I, 'My youngster, they'll be a day o' reckonin' for you

And so the old world worried ou and on, till July came at last, and with it that most glorious day that wrapped tba baby Freedom in its swaddling clothes of stripes and stars aud laid it in the lap of Washington. And what a day that was! and bow tbe birds did sing that morning from the green tops of the trees when the glad sunlight came glancing through the jeweled leaves and woke them. And not more joyous were the birds or more riotous their little throb bing hearts to "pipe and trill and cheep and twitter twenty million loves," than the merry children that came fluttering to the grove to join their revelry.

O, brighter than a dream to the boy that swung his bat from the tall tree top near the brook, swept, toward him the procession of the children, as flushed with soma strange ecstacy be saw a little girl in white, with a wreath of evergreen, waving her crimson sash in answer to him as. tbe column slowly filed across tbe open bridge, where again he saw her reappear in tbe reflection in the stream below. And after the dull opening of prayer, and tbe more tedious exercises following, how tbe woods did ring with laughter how the boys vied with each other in their labors of arranging swings and clearing underbrush away preparatory to a day of unconfined enjoyment and how tbe girls would shriek to "see the black man coming," and struggle so coquettisbly when captured and carried ott by that dread being, and yet display such eagerness in his behalf. And "ring"—men and women even joining in the game, and kissing each other's wives and husbands like mad. Why, even the ugly old gentleman with a carbuncle on the back of bis neck grew riotous with mirth, and when tripped full length upon the sward by the merry little widow in half mourning, bustled nimbly to his feet and kissed her, with some wicked pun about "grass" widows, that made bim laugh till bis face grew red as bis carbuncle. And that bashful young man that bad straggled off alone, sitting so uncomfortably upon a log, killing bugs and spiders,, like an ugly giant, with a monster club—bow he must bave envied the merry freedom of those "old boys and girls."

Then there was a group of older men talking so long and earnestly about tbe weather and the crops they had not discovered that the shades of the old beech they sat beneath had stolen silently away and left them sitting in tbe sun,, and was even then performing its refreshing office for a big, sore eyed dog, who, with panting jaws and lolling tongue, was winking away the lives of a swarm of gnats with the most stocial indifference.

And so time wore aleng till dinner came, and women, with big, open baskets, bent above tbe snowy cloths spread out upon the grass, arranging "the substantiate" and the dainties of a feast too varied in its wealth of all tbing9 toothsome anything but epicurean memories to describe. And then tbe rare abandon of tbe voracious guests! No dainty affectations—no formality—no etiquette—no anything that tbe full sway of healthful appetites incited by the exhilarant exercises of tbe day into keenest rapacity and unencumbered relish. "Don't you think it's goin' to rain?" asked some one suddenly. A little rosy gilled gentleman, with tbe aid of a chicken leg for a lever, raised his fat face skyward, and after a serious contemplation of the clouds, wouldn't say for certain whether it would rain or notf but informed tbe unfortunate querest, after pulling bis bead into its usual position and laying down the lever to make room tor a bite of bread, that "if it didn't rain tbere'd be a long dry spelland then snorted a mimic snowstorm of bread crumbs on bis vis-a-vis, who looked wronged, and said be "guessed he'd take another piece o' that air pie down there." It was looking very much like rain by the time tbe dinner things were cleared away. Anxious mothers, with preserve stains on their dresses, were running here and there with such exclamations to tbe men folks as "Do hurry up 1" and "For goodness sake, John, take tbe baby till Iflnd my parasol," and "There, Thomas, don't lug that basket off till I find my pickle dish."

Already the girls had left tbe swings, which were being taken down, and tying handkerchiera over their hats and standing as though in despairing contemplation of the ruin of their dresses. Rome one called from the stand for the ladiee "not to be at all alarmed, it wasn't going to rain, and there wasn't a particle of danger of but there a clap of thunder lnterrnpted^and went on growl* ing most menacingly, while a little girl, with her hair blown wildly over her bare shoulders, and with a face, which a moment before glowed like her crimson scarf, now whiter than her snowy dress, ran past the stand and fell fklnlng to the ground. "Is there a doctor on tbe grounds called aloud voice in the dis­

Tf

"T4

tance, and, without waiting for a re-v sponse—"For God's sake, come here quick a boy has fallen from tbe swing, and maybe killed himself!"

And then tbe crowd that gathered round bim there. Men with white faces and great staring eyes, and crying women with their moaning lips and little shivering children thronging round, with wondering faces and with breathless hearts. "Whose boy is it?"

45

"Hush here comes bis father." And the good minister, with stark features ami clenched bands, passed through the surging throng that closed behind bim even as tbe waves on Pharaoh.

Did I say all were excited Not all for there was one calm lace, though verv pale—paler yet for being pillowed on tbe green grass where be fell. "You musn't move me," be baid when be could speak "tell 'em to come here." He smiled and tried to lift and fold bis arms about his father's neck. "Poor father! poor father!" he said as though speaking to himself, "I always loved vou. father, only you'd never believe It—never believe it. Now you will. I'll see mother, now—mother. Don't cry— I'm hurt, and I don't cry. ANd I'll see tbe teacber too. He said I would. He said we could always be together there. Where's Fanny? Tell ber—tell her But that strange, unending sileuce fell upon his lips, and as tbe dyiug eyes looked up and out beyond tbe sighing treetops, be smiled to catch agleam of sunshine through tbe foo\isb cloud that tried so hard to weep.—J. W. Riley, in the Indianapolis Journal.

MR. KROEQEITS DREAM "I bad a funny sort of a dream last night," said Mr. Kroeger the other evening. "What was it?" "I dreamt I was walking along the seashore with a girl, and she asked me if I thought I could walk on water with snow shoes. I told her I would try so I put on a pair and took a quiet spin close to shore. I walked with perfect ease. Then tbe girl put on a pair, and we took a promenade down to Sandy Hook and back. It was just splendid: we diln't even get our feet wet. We just put up an umbrella to keep off tbe sun, and everything was lovely. I then made abet that I could walk to England in one hundred days, if a ship would keep close to me with provisions. No one would take me up. "Shortly after this I rigged a patent snow shoe on cattle, and bad them running around the bay at large. I also bad them on horses, and people used to hitch their steeds to a sort of boat carriage and take a ride down to Rickaway. It became a common thing to see ladies and gentlemen going down to Manhattan Beach on horseback. I used to let buffalo* loose down at Coney Island, and men would mount mustangs and go out shooting on the water. "Tbe ferry companies tried to have me indicted lor selling "Kroeger's Pat ent Amphibious Snow shoes." Why, clerks used to wear them iu crossing the rivers in tbe morning and evening. And whenever there was a regetta, people would go right out on the water, and the men who rented seats at fifty cents each just howled with rage. Newspaper reporters would go direct to the seat of war and write up naval eu gagements. They would get between the ships, because tbe balls would puss over them. There was one man who would walk right up to a man-of-war and interview the commander, and get bis ideas on agriculture and all sorts of things. "One day I was out walking on tbe ocean when a terrible storm came up. There was thunder and lightning enough to make a major general go into sublime ecstacies. My gracious, how it did pour, and such mammoth rain, whew! Why, that rain came down so thick that it drowned tbe sea gulls. Great Csesar! I didn't know what to do to escape with my life. "Why, tbe rain came as thick as logs, and I thought sure I was gone, but I wasn't I just dug my snow shoes into two on each side ot me and climbed rigbt up toward the clouds. Just as I got near them and felt secure, the rain stopped and left me right on tbe butt ends of those columns of rain. Istayed there and jumped about from one column to another and surveyed things generally. It felt funny descending so fast, but" I didn't mind tbe storm at all, BO long as I was on top of it. Down, down, down I went, and was soon on the ocean again. As soon as I landed, or rather watered, a big whale fa^ed me with open mouth and—" "And what?" I asked breathlessly.^ "And then I woke up."

RECENT POSTOFFICE ULES. Feather beds are not mailable. Eggs must be sent when new.5 A pair of onions will go for two scents. Ink hotiles must be corked when sent by mail.

Ovei three pounds of real estate are not transmissible. Parties are compelled to lick their own postage stamps.and envelopes the postmaster cannot be compelled to do this.

An arrangement has been perfected by which letters without postage will be immediately forwarded—to tbe Dead Letter office.

Parties are earnestly requested not to send postal cards with money orders inclosed, as large sums are frequently lost Ln that way.

Nitro glycerine must be forwarded at the risk of the sender. If it should blow up in the postmaster's bands he cannot be held responsible.

When letters are received bearing no direction, the parties for whom they are intended will please signify the fact to the postmaster, that he msy at once forward. 'f 5^

Ghost*.

Not Col. Ingersoll's"aristocracy of the air," but real human gbosts. Ghosts that were once healthy men and women, bat are now simply the "ghosts of what they once were." As we meet them, and inquire tbe cause of all this change, they repeat tbe old, old story, "a cola," "neglected cough," "catarrh," "overwork," or "dyspepsia," "liver complaint," and "constipation," with unsuccessful pbvHicians and remedies. In offering bin Golden Medical Discovery and Pleasant Purgative Pellets for the cure of the above affections, Dr. Pierce does not recommend them as a "sure cure" in all stages. For If the lungs be half wasted away, or there be a cancerous complication, no physician or medi« cine can cure. The Discovery is, however, an unequalled pectoral and blood, purifier. It speedily cures the most aggravated cough, or cold, and in its early or middle stages, consumption. By correcting all irregularities of the stomach and liver it readily cures blotches, pimples, scrofulous ulcers, "bunches," or tumors. Hundreds testify thatithas restored their health, after eminent physicians bad failed. For constipation, use the Pellets. As a local remedy for catarrh, use Dr. Sage's Catarrh Remedy.

BROWNS Expectorant

Theooly reliable remedy for all Thro it and Lung Diseases, is a scientific preparation, compounded from the formula of one of the most sucoe48ful practitioners in the Western country. It has stood the test for the last twenty years, and will effect a cure after all othercougli remedieshavefailed.^

Read the Following

I HALL OF REPRESENT \TIVK3,' INDIANAPOLIS, IND., eb 15.1871. DR. J. H. BUOWS We have used your "Brown's Expectorant," and take pleasure in saying that we found tt the best medicine ever used lor Coughs, Colds, aud Hoarseness, and cheerfully reoommenl it to all wiio msy be troubled with Throataud Lung affections

Wra Mack,Speaker House Rep. Zenor, Rep Harrison county, Cauthorn, Rep Knox county,

I E IN IN ., August28,1871. This is to certify thai I have used 'Brown Expectorant'in my family slnco itsflrstintroduction. It has never failed to give satisfaction. My wife 1 subject to Bronchitis, and I have found no remedy equal to brown's Expectorant." I recomineud it as a safeund reliable ncedlclne.

*f

:t

Montgomery, Rep Johusou county, T*rlton, Rep Juhnson and Morgan counties, Pnchell, Doorkeeper House Rep, N Warum, Rep HancocK county^ CUP A.bb»tt, Rep Bartholomew county E C'alklu«, Rep Fulton county, Jno W Copner, Rep Montgomery county W Seff, Kep Putnam county.

It Acts Like Magic.

OFFICE J,M and I. K. K. CO.,

JEFFBHSOXVILLK. IND., APRIL 6,1871. DR. J. H. BKOWN Having suffered with a severe cough for some time past, I was induced to try one bott'e of your "Brown's Expectorant." I unhesitatingly say I found it pieasant to the taste, ana to net like magic. A few doses done the work for the cough, and I am well,

DILLARD RICKKTTS,

PBESIDKNT J. M. and I. R. R.

Read What Gen. Kimball Says.

INDIANAPOLIS, IND Dec. 80,1868.

DR.J.H.BROWN \fter having used your "Expectorant Syrup" long enough to know and appreciate its good qualities. I can cheerfully bear testimony' to its uniform success in curing the ostobstioate cases of Coughs, Colds, etc. I have frequently administered the '-Expectorant" to my children, aud always found it the very best, as well as most pleasantremerty of Its kind.

NATHAN KIMBALL, Treasurer of State.

What a Case of Consumption Says.

my

H'

David A. Sands, of Darlington, Montgomery county, says "ly wife lias been afflicted with consumption for a number of years, and during that time has tried most all the medicines recommended for that disease without affording any re'lef. I was Induced by the recommendations of Dr. Kirk, drugis

fldent it will entirely restore her health by its continued use."

It Cures Bronchitis.

J.T. BHENTON.M.D.

Browns Expectorant

Is For Sale by All Druggists.

•m /. fUfT

A. KIEFER,

INDIANAPOLIS.'

OH! MY BACK!

HUNT'S RKBfFDY.ihCKreat Kidney Medicine,curesPains in I he Back, Side or Loins, andiall Diseases of the Kidneys,Bladder and Ualnary Organ », Droppy,

•trl

,. Gravel, Diabetes,

Bright's ijlseas'e of the Kidneys, Retention, or Incontinence of Urine, Nervous Diseases ETemale Weakness, and Excesses HUWT'S REMEDY Is prepared EXPRESSLY for these diteases.

From Rev. E, G. Taylor, D. D., Pastor First Baptistchurco: PKOVIDKNCK. R. I., Jan. 8,1879.

I can testify to the virtues of HUKT'S REMEDY in Kidney Diseases from actual trial, having been much benefitted by its

E. O. l'AT IiOR,

From a retired minister of the Methodist Episcopal church. 809 No. 17th «t.,PHILA ,PA.,*TrU 10,1878.

WM.E.CLARKK—Dear Sir: HUNT S RKMEDY hftS cored- ray wife of Dropsy in Jts worst form. Ml nope had left UH for months. All say that ft isa rnlraole. Water had dropped from her right limb [for months. Forty-eight hours had taken all the extra water from the system. All other means had been tried. Nonesacceeded but HUNTS REMEDY* ANTHONY ,vrwoon.

SHV J|| II LIT)

Vegetable, and is usett by the advice of Physicians. It has stood the test of« time for 30 years] and the utmost! reliance inay bel placed ln It. OWE TBIAL WILL COKVfNt'E YOU.

9 11

REMEDY

Send for pamphlet to WM. E. CLARI^E Providence, R. x.

SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS.

TUTT'S PILLS!

tar

,a

A NOTED DIVINE SAYS

THEY ARE WORTH THEIR

WEIGHT In COLD READ WHAT HE SAYS:

DR. TtrrrDear Sir: For ten years I have been a murtvr to Dyspepsia, Constipation and Piles. Last«iriyourPip^pref^ommmided to me

I nsel

thciaf (but with little faith). I

am now a well man, bave good appetite, «gcsUon perfect, regular stools,

JJ^8pon«i

bave gained forty pounds solid fletn. Thoy are worth their Louisville, Ky.

A TORPID LIVER

rq^of nu FetfdaHle

,,. A/fovxr AfCttC "r l'il6«tRhcuiuat(HnitKionkyCompIftIntlOonc,etc.K Tutt's Pill* exert ft powerful influence on the river

Jind *itl v.ltti ci tainty relieve that Important organ from diy.a.-,e, and restore its nocmal functions.

The rapidity trith*rhieh take onf! call. while under the thtafce pHs,oH tself Indicates tbelr adapisMlr.V to Tffair.fclt tye body, jjead! tlnrfr cfReacyin

kealth an4 atymgtfMo tUe CON&?li»ATiafWi 7. Onlj neai Accent will suffice, but if it luu» becotu habitual, oj.o pHt »houl4b« taU v«ry uijjl.t, 'aradimllv

Veqttrae? ft r«ul

movement it oMaSm-d, which wlH soon follow. Sold Everywhere, 23 Cents. OFFICE, 35 MURRAY ST., NEW YOEK^