Saturday Evening Mail, Volume 6, Number 47, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 20 May 1876 — Page 1

vara

Vol. 6.---N0. 47.

THE MAIL

A PAPER FOR THK PEOPLE.

SECOND EDITION.

UNSUNG.

[T. B. Aldrieh, in Jane Atlantic.] As sweet as the breath that goes From the lips of the white rose, As welnl as the eltln light* That glimmer of frosty nights. As wlhl as the winds that tear The curled-red leafln the air. Is the song I have never snug.

1 slumber, a hundred times I've said the enchanted rhj nrta, But ere I open my eyes This ghost of a poem tile* On the Interfluent strains Not even a note romalns I know by my pulses' beat It was something wild nnd sweet. And my heart Is strangely stirred By an unremctnbered word I strive, but I strlvo In vain. To recall the lost refrain. On some miraculous day Perhaps It will come and stay In some unlmaglneU spring I niav find my voice, anil sing The song I have never sung.

Town-Talk.

A SORROWFUL STORV.

Half a dozen little boys were playing abouta lumber yard, near a mill, jumping, climbing, throwing stones, noisily chafing each other In and out among ti piles of lumber and enjoying themselves as only boys can when out from under the care of watchful eyes and left to roam about and amuse themselves at their own sweat will. Down below them lay the river bright and sparkling In the afternoon sun. "Come," cried one, "lets go down there!" "All right!" shouted two or threo others, "come onand oft* they bounded for a race as to who should reach it first. One, a chubbyfaced, bright little fellow of seven, held back, remembering his mother's Injunction not to go near the water. But the cries of the others to "come on" and merry peals of laughter already floatlug up from the water-side and, above all, the fatal fascination which all rivers have for all boys, were too much for hi* firmness, and he Joined his com pun ions below.

Then he and they forgot allcise lu their enjoyment of their play. They threw pebbles Into the water they set afloat chip boats and watched them drift away out of sight in the mysterious distance they walked out venturesomely uion half submerged timbers and bathed their bare feet in the cool waves and listened to the rippling of the current against the chain of legs that line the shore they climbed Into a boat moored to one of these and fancied themselves floating away to undiscovered countries when- it was summer *11 the time and boys could play forever and always arose merry shouts and Joyous laughter and the pleasant sounds were borne away upon the sofland peaceful air, ami life seemed very beautiful and bright and gODd, and they were very happy. .Suddenly there was a sharp, quick cry, a splash, and the gurgling waves closed over n, boy—the one who had hesitated. He had slipped from the log and the treacherous current had sucked him beneath it. A moment and his terrltled comrades had reached thetliore. When they turned to look again he was far down the stream, yet at the surface and fighting the water fiercely for his life, llut the struggle was a brief one the erncl wav«w dragged him down again while the trembling boys looked on, terror stricken and powerless to help or save him, and they saw him no more.

With pale, scared faces, the frightened boys tied from the spot and spread the news. Of course it came quickly to the poor mother of the lost bov. only two days before she had followed another of her children to the graveyard, only the mercy of God kept this fresh calamity from killing her. Sorrow and misfortune had been no strangers to her. For months sho had known little else. She had suffered a* few are called upon to suffer. In poverty, In want, her children Bick and without a physician, hungry and without bread, cold and without the means to provide a fire for them, her own strength failing for want of proper nourishment, her heart breaking with bitter grief for a loved husband confined in the county Jail for murder! How she bore the ill news, how shu reached the river, what she suffered or what she did, need not be told here. God knows It was all pitiful enough.

This occurred on Monrtny. The account of It was mercifully kept from the father 'till the following day. Who broke the news to him, and whether 'twas gently done, matters not now. For the moment It scented to crush him. Then he cried and moaned and wrung his hands In bitter agony, and tnen started up and demanded frantically to lesetat liberty that he might join In the search for his lost child—his darllng-hls poor, poor boy! And then attain, realising his miserable positlou and where he was, he sank hopelessly upon the cold, damp floor of his cell with sobs and groans, utterly broken down. At every new footsteps, he would rouse himself and llstcu eagerly for news, but, as the long hours dragged by and the body of the boy had not been found, his agony increased until it seemed Impossible to endure. Then came, at last, uie night—the long, bitter night, when sleep was banished and he saw in the darkness his little one's arms stretched towards him appealing))- for help, or tearfully watched his precious form lying at the bottom of the river among the slime and ooxe and all noxious things, his fixed and stony eyes wide open and seeming t* toproneh him, the tether, tor hts Inactivity. Is it not a wonder that the man preserved his sanity Is it not a wonder that he

live*?

Could there be a punishineut mare terrible? On Thursday, thn^e days after the death, some boys were Ashing In the rirer, near the brick yards in the south of town. Something came floating down with the current. It proved to be the body. It was gotten ashore. It was swollen fearfully. The blood was ooslng from the nostrils and mouth. Decay had set in,and the skin was faired up until the fttce had the appearance

of being covered with a coating of mud. It was sickening to look at. Think of carrying It home to that broken-hearted mother who three days before had parted with her bright-eyed, rosy-cheeked boy alive and in health!

On Thurday afternoon the burlnl took place. T. T. is glad to be able to write that the fathes was permitted to follow the body of his child to Its last renting place and bedew the grave with heartfelt agd repent ant tears. After the funeral ceremonies, he was conducted back to his prison, and the mother returned alone to her desolate home. Oh It was pitiful—f*ad and pitiful

A few months ago two men were sent on Hunday to do some work on a rolling mill In the north part of the city. One was a tinner, the other a plumber. Both were eonsideml steady, reliable men, having worked in the same shop together for almost two years. At six o'clock in the evening they returned to the shop and It was observed that both had been drlhklug freely, The tinner complained that the other had been drinking too much tobe of assistance to him In finishing the work, which it was essential should be completed that night and requested that another mau be sent in his place. This offended the plumber and he made some exasperating speech which was replied to in kind. The quarrel became serious and suddenly the plumber, in a violent tit of drunken rage, seized a fllo which happened to lie near his hand and stabbed the tinner in the side. The wound thus made proved fatal, the man dying In the course of two or three days in the greatest agony, but begging with almost his last breath that his murderer should not be prosecuted for the crime, and forgiving him freely and fully. But he had already been arrested and was then injail, and soon after thedeath ofkis victim, an Indictment was found against him for murder In the first degree. The mau was Theodore Dolle, the father of the lost boy. The name of the other was Thomas Haggart.

Ilia case came up before Judge Long, in the Criminal Court. Upon the petition of the prisoner's counsel, a chang of venue to Judge Patterson's Court was granted. Judge Patterson having already before tried a number of cases from the Criminal Court and there being no provisions in the statutes by which he could lie allowed compensation for this added work, he refused to try the case, and Dolle has lain in the county Jail ever since. So much by way of explanation.

And now a word as to the crime and its punishment. A great wrong was done when Thomas Haggart received tlio wound which caused his death, and bitter indeed has been the suffering that has followed after it. It falls not alone upon the man who caused the death. Indeed It comes heaviest on the innocent and helpless—on the children of the murdered man, left orphans on the children and the wife of the ntan-who in a moment of passion inflamed by drink, slew the friend who in sober moments he would have risked his life for,

Yet It was a murder, almost an unpro voked murder, and bitter misery has followed its perpetration. It was a murder, and the vile wretch who, In violation of the law, sold on Sunday to Theodore Dolle the liquor with which he was made drunk, Is the murderer! He is the man who should first be held responsible for it. He is the one who should suffer mast. Has he ever been molested? Has anybody ever taken the trouble to enquire who he is? Would anything be done with him if the whole world knew

It was right that Theodore Dolle should suffer, nnd he has suffered. It Is wrong—It Is INFAMOUS—that the man whose poisonous liquids Incited him to do the dreadful deed should go unpunished! But he will. The business of making drunkards and thieves and murderers—of breaking hearts anil desolating homes—of starving women ami children and shamingclvlllzation Itself—will still go on, nnd men calling themselves good citizens will do their utmost to make the infernal trade respectable. God pity the victims

Husks and Nubbins.

.No. 20S.

THE TIDE TCRXIXO.

It is stated that about twenty heads of families In Indianapolis have formed themselves lato a company and will remove to Kansas In a short time, to engage in agriculture and stock-raising. It Is their intention to purchase lands in the same vicinity, and to constitute a sort of community of themselves. It is said, also, that there will bean unusually large emigration this spring to Kansas, Texas and other new state?.

These facts seem to Indicate that the people are beginning

Mature

try

understand the true

erfthe trouble from which the conn-

suffering. We have heretofore in this column expressed the opinion that the universal prostration of business throughout the country did not haw

its

origin cith

er In a defective currency or In a deficient supply of currency and that any permanent relief could not be expected from any action of Congress in that direction that the real trouble was an over-sllmulatlon of manufacturing and mercantile Industries with a corresponding depression of agriculture. Induced by the war that owing to this condition of affairs there had been for several years past a steady and constant immigration from the country into the cities and towns. We expressed the opinion that in order to cure the evil the tide of emigration ought to be reversed and made to flow from Uie towns and cities to the country. We notice that these ideas are beginning to suggest themselves to ethers. A few days ago the Indianapolis Journal had an editorial which presented substantially this theory an4 tiie larls sUtei at the beginning of this article show that others have been thinking in the same direction.

It Is obvious th*t agriculture—the tilling of the ground—is the very basis and foundation of the whole national wealth and prosperity. The food and clothing of the world come primarily from the grouaJ. The country may seem time and insipid compared with the splendor* of the great cities but it must never be forgotten that the town and cities sprang from Uie coun

try and are supported by it. The streets which radiate from them In every direction are so many roots running through ferttle farms and grassy mendows and drawing sustenance and nourishment therefrom. There Is no more certain, independent and honorable vocation than that of farming, nnd it Is surprising that there should have been such a mania for deserting the country for the towns and cities. It probably arose In part from an exaggerated notion of the ease and splendorof city life. The contrast between tolling In the fields under a midsummer sun and sitting in the cool, clean store of the merchant or the Brussels-carpeted lawyer's office, between lumbering over dusty country rohds In a heavy two-horse farm wagon and spinning along a Nicholson paved street at a speed that defies Unwind—such contrasts as these might, well Inspire discontent In the breasts of the dwelle sIn the country and beget a longim to exchange their situation for one which gave promise of such greater ease and happiness. But never were castles in Spain built on a frailer basis of vain delusion thau were these ambitious dreams. I11 the first place the ease and luxury of city life were greatly exaggerated. It Is true that there are many rich people in the cit les and that they live In elegance nnd splendor but these are the few. On the other hand there are thousands and thousands who are held like slaves to some confining toil day after day and week after week, with no rest or recreation and alter all earning barely enough to support their families In decency and comfort. Add to these the many thousands more who live In abject want and wretchedness. The carriages of the rich roll past them only to remind them how poor they are the stately mansion rears Its head above the squalid tenement they call their home only to be the object of their perpetual envy and despair. The country knows nothing of the misery and want into which many of the city's population are plunged.

But admitting that the farmer lacks many of the comforts of city life, that his home is not so elegant nor his labor so well paid as these of the townsman, who is to blame for it He has been condemning others is not the fault largely his own As we said on a previous occasion so we say now, our farmers have been working too much with their hands and not enough with their heads. They have not brought the shrewdness, skill and enterprise Into their work that characterize their city brethren. If they have poor crops it is often because they have farmed poorly. Their fruit trees wither and die because they do not take the proper care of them. Their products bring a poor price because they raise too much of one thing aud too little of another. They have begun life without any preparatory education and continue it without any subsequent research. The experience of years is recorded for them and would be of golden value but they refuse to avail themselves of It. They go on as their fathers did before them, setting the laws of nature at defiance, ignoringthe knowledge .which others have gathered and, if not expecting to reap where they have not sown, yet satisfied to reap sparingly where they might reap abundantly. Our farmers have made their work a drudgery because they have depended alone on brawn to the exclusion of brain. There is no need for it. There Is not in the factory or the stoie or in professional life more scope for the exercise of thought, education and enterprise than there is on the farm. Everywhere this is true, that in proportion as mind comes In muscle goes out. The farmer complains that he has no time to read if he wouid read more he would have more time. He complains that his work Is slavish let him not work so hard aud his harvests will be larger. Let him spend more time in studying the art of farming, offruit growing, of stock raising, let him rest his over-tasked muscles and put his brain Into greater activity, and the farmer will soon see his circumstances rapidly improving.

Nor is there any good reason Why his home should not be neat, tasty and elegant. Let him choose a pretty location and not grudge the space for a handsomeyard with walks and drivts, let him plant trees and shrubbery and build with some reference to the rules of beauty, and he may have as pretty and comfortable a home as anyone.

People and Things.

With amateur editors vulgarity Is too often the soul of wit. A-true American is too proud bio beg, mid too honest to steal lie gets trusted.

A Southern man is "nut" of anyaccouut until he's a kernel. No mlsterv about the fact.

Everybody Is expected this centennial year to plant a tree. If you can't do that, make a bough.

Joaquin Miller says you cannot tell an Englishman who Is out driving for pleasure from one who is out burying his wife. Solemn set!

This is the time of the year when the women trade off Ulster overcoats, etc., for plaster cats and chalk kittens, with the natives of sunny Italy.

Andrew Gunn, of Portland, Me., has petitioned the legislature to change his nnme, because the street-gamins call his little boy a son of A. Gunn."

Henry Ward Boecher likens money to snow, which is a benefit so long as it lies evenly distributed over the groun^, but a plaugt when heaped up in drifts.

A man never knows until in a great emergency how much he can bear and so he never realises until he moves how many empty bottles without corks he is the soke proprietor of.

Recent investigation has brought out the fact pretty clearly that Shakespeare didn't know how to spell his own name. It would have simplified matters great deal if his name had been femith.—Globe-Demo-crnt.

An exchange aaks: "Wiiat are *ur young men doing?" We cant answer far the rest of the country, but around here they are engaged mainly in trying to lead a nine dollar existence on a seven dollar salary.— (Norwich Bulletin.

& hit

TERRE HAUTE, INDi, SATURDAY EVENING, MAY 20, 1876. Price Five Cents.

TO-NIGHT! Candidate's Ball

BANQUETandBALL

THE GRANDEST SOCIAL EVENT .OF THE SEASON! tsrtK:,!

SPLENDID ILLUMINATIONS

GORGEOUS FLORAL DECORATIONS

The City Hall Looking its Loveliest

£RK,VMY AND DELICIOUS MU$JC *t S8 1 V-.-1 FEAST OFREASON.A FLOW OFffOUL

AND FUN TILL YOU CAN'T HUNT.

Who are Going and What They are Going to Wear—Novel Effects to be Progo it A rayed in Attire Jit for the...

Court of Louis XI Ir.

Perhaps in all the history of this city 110 notable event has been so well kept a secret as the grand "Candidates Ball" which is to take place at the new City Hall to-night. As early as the 22nd of February it was discussed by delegates to the Republlsnn'State Convention at Indianapolis, and between that time and the 1st of March the preliminaries arranged, though the elaboration of details has been a work of weeks and is only now, on the last day, fully and finally completed. From its first Inception It was agreed by the managers that it should be kept a profound secret, and only published hi the columns of The Saturday Evening Mail, the single truly independent newspaper in the city, on the very day of its occurrence.* There were various reasons for tills secrecy not necessary to be mentioned now, but the one more obvious than all the rest was the desire to prevent, or rather, to eircumvent, the hundreds of applications for tickets which it might naturally be supposed would overwhelm the committee If the matter was made public. It would, of course, be impossible to accommodate everybody, and it was wisely determined t® exclude all who were not included in the original plan, and to avoid giving offence by keeping the whole matter secret. How well it has been kept the public now know.

THE ORIGIN.

Just who the Idea of this novel entertainment originated with, it is at present difficult to say. Several gentlemen claim the credit of the invention (if that is the proper word) but it really seems to have come like an inspiration to half a dozen persons at almost the same moment of time, and it has been observed that when it was imparted to others, those seemed to have had, long before, vague imaginings of a like mysterious nature and were almost ready to swear that 1 he idea had had its birth in their own breasts, aud tried vainly 10 remember to whom it was they had spoken about it days before. As agreed upon, the plan, in brief, is this: To have, immediately after the last of the nominating uonventions shalll have taken place, a banquet and ball which forsplendor and pure fun should eellpse anything of the kind ever attempted in Terre Haute, and which those present, and generations yet unborn, should recall, In after years, as an event which crowned with honor the first centennial year of the nation's existence. It was a bold and daring conception, and well has It been carried out, as will be apparent to all who follow this imperfect account to the end, or, better yet, who attend the festivities In person.

WHO ARE TO ATTEND.

The expenses of such an affair will, of course, be enormous, but these will be borne entirely by the successful candidates of the two parties who, naturally, expect to make It all back with Interest after they shall have been elected. Admission Is to be free to Invited guests, and none other aro to be admitted under any circumstances. The invited guests are to'conslst of all delegates to both conventions, the Mayor and members of the City Council, Judges of the Criminal and Circuit Courts and members of the press. These with the successful and the defeated candidates will compose the company. As stilted above, no one outside of these will be admitted ami It will lie useless for T. P. Murray, W. B. Tuell, W. R. McKeeu, or any other prominent citizen to make application. As for the more fortunate ones embraced In the first list, it will only be necessary for them to present themselves at the entrance of the City Hall, northwest corner of Fourth and Walnut streets, where they will be Immediately admitted and furnished with a costume. Dancing will begin at nineo'cleck. The banquet will take place (down stairs) at precisely eleven after which dancing will be resumed by all those not troubled by religious scrupled as to the desecration of the Sabbath.

FLORAL DECORATIONS. ',}

The floral decoration of the hall was two weeks ago placed in the hands of the Horticultural Society. Owing to Internal dissensions in the said organisation the first six days of the time allowed them for that purpose waa lost but, Captain Potter having finally been Inveigled into a newspaper controversy with Mayor Edmunds, which it was well known would occupy his entire attention for at least a week, the remaining members set vigorously to work and the result of their labors presents a bewildering scene of beauty that does credit to both their Industry and their taste. As a recompense for the apparent Imposition thus practised upon the pugnacious Captain, who has entire confidence in his own good looks, the entertainment managers have promised to provide a poll for the reception of votes to settle the vexed question of personal beauty between him and the Mayor. Ballots for this purpose will be received at S3 each.

It would be a pleasure to describe the floral decorations of the hall as they now

f#p

jtf"

appear, but, unfortunately, the art editor of The Mull is down with thespringfever^and that will have to pass. Suffice it to say that the room is radiant with political climbera and creepers of every shade of greenness and blueness that sweet-scented deadbeats, seedy old sun flowers, glowing ramblossoms and cabbage heads of countless varieties—all make up a scene that must be keen (no pun Intended) to be appreciated or even comprehended. The perfume of the garlic hangs over It all, Music by the Blind Fiddle?....

THE COBTITS!ESJ.

Up to this point, we have spoken by the card, as it were but of course

110

reader

would be satisfied without knowing some thing about the costumes. Naturally, this was a point upon which those interested were somewhat reticent, but by the most diligent inquiry we have ascertained from reliable sources what a great many of the participants will wear, though the list is necessarily far from complete. The reader will kindly overlook all shortcomings.

John Ie Buun will black his boots and go as a Hair Pin. L. W. Dicker-son will don two coats of Cod-llver Oil and go as a Bouquet.

J. W. Watts will dress In the outside of a bologna sausage obtained at great expense at White AMewhluney'sandgoasaGround Hog.

A. B. Felsectlral will enfold himself In Filbeek'sshadow and go as a Nun such. He will be lost to view for a season, but will afterward reappear as a Postage Stamp and "stick" the balance of the evening.

James M. Sandford will have the nap raised on his Jeans suit and go as The Woelly Horse.

Alex. Thomas will be gorgeously dttlred in a pair of auction socks and Ryan's shoe sign borrowed especially for the occasion and will personate Cinderella. That Homey Hand will be carried in a glass case.

H. W. Allen will be readily recognized as Charlie Ross. C. W. Brown will appear dressed about as usual, but will be recognized D- his sing ing of the ballad "Come into the garden Maud and pledge yourself to vete for me for something or other."

E. L. Girdner will wear striped stockings and personate an animated barber pole. Stanley Bobbins will appear in a long tall bombazine coat cut bias, with mask to match, and go as a County Commissioner.

David C. Grelner, hair frlszed and parted cross-wise, a glass eye and tin ear, short breeches varlgated in the seat, and a pair of clean socks, can not fail to be recognized as the Falstaff of the Third Ward.

Frank C. Danaldson in an elegant black walnut beer cask will embrace every German present who can stand the pressure.

John C. Myer will appear in a new swallow tailed coat cut out of Wabash live oak, and wearing flesh colored tights on his lower extremities.

Hugo Duenweg will be rather taking in a Havanna filling coat and Jacket decorated with "nickel" cigars upon which the requsite stamp will be pasted conspicuously

J. M. Hull had determined ta appear with his eyebrows frizzed and his front teeth scalloped. A fine effect will be produced with the aid of his bias-cut eye.

Charles Rottman will wear nothing but a boil on his nose and a clean handkerchief and will be a stunner as Mt. Vesuvlas.

Webb Casto will chalk his nose and appear as a Temperance Lecturer. W. S. Clift wearing a pair of high water stilts manufactured in Paris will personate General Tom Thumb.

L.Thomas has ordered from Berlin the Uniform of the Drum Major of the Prussian Uhlans and will represent an animated Cardiff giant. He will exchange costumes with Mr. Clift during the evening.

Thos. E. Knox with a magnificent pair of overalls decorated with a pint bottle in his pistol pocket and a paper shirt lront ornamented with a cut glass diamond and a full sized portrait of Boss Tweed, will be the observed of all observers.

Charles E. Hosford has borrowed a pair of gaffs and will go as a Wabash Game Cock. David Pugh,with black vclVet pantaloons profusely ornamented with poker check buttons, will personate General Sch&nck at the Court of St. James.

A. J. Kelley will shadow his hair and represent the Burning Bush. John E. Lamb will roll up his breeches and go as a White Stecking.

John K. Durkln will appear in a Cork suit with patent faucet pumps. Newton Rogers will sand-paper the topof his head and personate The Bald Eagle of Atherton.

George Carico will discard all superfluous toggery, and with his fantastic costume consisting of a Knight Templar plume and a pair of spurs, will establish his Identity as Buffalo Bill.

James W. Boston will wear a hotel bill of fare trimmed with parsley and tooth picks. J. M. Watson will appear as a Speculator In the Louisville Library, and other large financial schemes.

John W. Wilson will cutoff Ills toe nails and go as a yard stick. JohnS. Jordan will wear a pair of German corsets and go as a Sylph.

Newton Bledsoe will wear a rhubarb and •enuasuit, trimmed with surgeons lint. He will dispense laxative to his friend Donham.

Isaah Donham has ordered a new hat from Howe & Stoner ajid, escorted by a special policeman, will appear as—sober as poailble.

Louis Seeburger will appear In a Calico suit of two patterns, one representing a sewer and the ottyer a market house. His shapely legs will be enclosed In two

Inch

sewer pipes and the way he will waits will be astonishing. William A. Connley has secured the pelt of the original Ba-ba Mack sheep and will be recognised by the color of his wooL

Col. W. E. McLean has procured anew Jute switch to coll among hts flowing ringlets, which, added to his costume of a flowing ruflled-top night shirt, wlllfvery effectively personate Queen Elizabeth.

Geoge Krusan will go clothed in his native modesty provided the weather does not turn suddenly cold.

Pe*er Y. Bunktrk will personate The Melaneti#y Moss-back ofthe past decade. LAttls Hay will go as A Bottle of Pip-to be well shaken before takej. He fcas al

ready been pretty well shaken by Democratic conventions. C. F. Roderus will attempt the grand transformation scene in the Typographical Union.

William J. Cuslck will go ns The Ghost of Lost Opportunities, and will be suitably arrayed in a shrowd of straight Iemocratlc tickets.

John T. Scott will pin back his ears nnd appear as The Mentor of All the Sciences. Asa M., the whitest Democrat in the party, will appear In his accustomed Black, as A Living Example of the ingratitude, stupidity and general meanness of political parties.

Nick Filb*ck and Frank Clark will per sonate The Two Orphans In a manner that will move nil beholders—liken dose of salts*

THE PRESS GANG.

The Express corps will parade in a bodyanybody—under command of the Majah, wearing their regulation dree* uniform consisting of a higbcockalorum hat set well back upon the head, an interconvertible coat with a green back and leather buttons, (nix any hard metal buttons for them) flesh colored tighta and a small lamb-skin apron, significant of purity. Members of the corps will carry their rag-babies at a rignt shoulder shift.

The Gay Gazeteers will be appropriately arrayed In the juvenile costume of 1710 which consisted principally and wholly of a tow shirt and a happy tmlle. Kach will probably bear aloft his little hatchet, and together they will at intervals, chaunt in unison the touching words —though' true—"Father, 1 cannot tell a lie to save my life." It will be"very affecting to subscribers.

The Journal crowd will go en tableau vivant representing the only living organ in the city. To prove conclusively that it enjoys a monopoly of the organ business and tbat the late Republican is really dead, the head of that illstarred sheet resting on a silver-plated standing galley will be prominently displayed in front. One member of the Journal force will be thinly disguised as a Literary Saloon Keeper. The managing editor, clothed and in hii right mind, will pay more than ordinary attention to the way the organ grinds and will also keep a watchful eye on the frisky antics of its monkey attachment.

The Banner force will wear an appropriate suit of Llmburger cheese, trimmed with garlick aud sauer kraut, and will be readily recoguiacd as good judges of beer.

The attaches of this office will appear in their accustomed sails of Mail, T. T. wearing his visor] down and ear trumpet in position. Husks will take pleasure in showing his Nubbins to anybody interested in the corn crop.

THE BANQL'ET.

This will doubtless be the leading leaturo of the entertainment. To prepare this, Jlie celebrated caterer, Mr. Hlghfnlutin Hashmixer, of Chicago, has been employed, which to those who know his reputation, will be snfflcleut guarantee that it will be complete in all its details. Follows the

MEITTT. 4 SOUP.

Relief. Sponge. Mule Ear.

FISH.

Sucker, fluted. Sucker.eioss-eyed. ,, Codfhth, aristocratic.

COLD DISHEsf.

Cold Shoulder. Baked Snow. Cooked Goose.

Sole Leather, peppermint sauce. Horse Overcoat, dressing of tiles. Saddle of Jack Ass, stir-up snuce.

Crane, Stuffed with shoe pegf. Buzzard, nged 70.

GAME.

Fedroj,, Poker. F.aclire. .Old Sledges

ENTREES.

Grasshopper, on half-^hell. Steamed Itnt, Sibley town styled mr- Door Mats, fricasseed. 3k--.-9 Eye Hrow.-, larded.

Boned Flens, a In cnleh-em.

5i. .iJi Canary Birds, esealloped. Leap Year Frogs, 1K70. HubberShoes, stuffed with white mice* Left-handed Herring, pin-back sauce. jf- S M. "sv VEGETABLE .'.^ Corn. Tight-boot Corns.'

Corn Cob. Hard Corns. Corn boiled. Soft Corns. Wall Flowers. Cnll-your-fiowers.

RELISH ES.

Crooked Pudding. Squint-eyed Sauce. Croton Oil Sauce. Hem-stitched'Rubber Pl Sauer Kraut Pudding. Tree-toad Pljjfc. Mustard Pies, attachment combination

Flax-Seed Pies, machine made.

-v DESSERT.

Green Cream. Linen Jelly Oil Cake. Yeast Cake. Ague Cake. Two-llpSalve. Dog Fennel Jam. Nutsfhard.)

Onions. Osage Oranges. Sour Grapes. Mule Chestnuts. Fourth Street Hnsli. Centennial Cheese. Guttn PercIm Caramels.

Round Shouldered Doughnuts.

LIQUIDS.

Artesian Water, vintage 177(. Water, hot. vintage ISTO. Water, boiled, vintage IS7S.

Water, salt, vintage 1H76.

Water, cold, vintage 1492. I

JUST about this season of the year a good many women imagine that they know how to whitewash a ceiling as well an any man whoever wore boots. y~"

Amid the cares and perplexities"of life there arc few things that will make a man carry his head so straight as to have a ragged neckblndlng on his shirt with pleuty of starch on It, well Ironed in.

If you dont know what everylxxly else knows you had better hold your tongue and If you know something that everybody else knows you liad better hold your tongue also at the same time, If you know something that nobody else knows keep It to youtael/.

Most newspapers keep Well posted In the fashions, particularly the fashions in stockings but they never say "we notice {hat stockings are worn so and so," but always "a fashion reporter teiis us." Just now al. the Journals, from the Police Gosette to the

Christian at Work," are distressed becauao the stripes that run around have given place to perpendicular ones in the*jtockings. "This is to be regretted," say# "the Courier-Journal, "for, as every body knows, those ronnd-and-round, ladder-like stripes were of no little assistance to the eye in going up." It is to be regretted for another reason. The up-and-down stripes have the effect of attenuating the—well, they are not W so pretty as the run-arounds.

StSlfe

IBIS# &

Fried Snow.

Lnme Duck.

ROAS r.