Saturday Evening Mail, Volume 5, Number 23, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 5 December 1874 — Page 1

Vol. 5.—No. 23.,

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THELMAIL

A PAPER FOR THE PEOPLE.

Town-Talk.

-*f 0bi, BSCKIABS. T. T. does not approve of profanity when it on be avoided with wfetyThere have been a few ©cessions upon which he has hardly dared to run the risk of choking down wine rather strong expletive*. Profanity a» a regular beverage he doe* not approve. But if a man may ever resort to euss-words, it is when beset by the crowd of beggar# who infest society. T. T. does notsllode to the beggar who asks for food at the kitchen door, nor to the fellow wno pots bloody bandage® on his leg'and inststa upon shewing some dreadfij wound, ndr to any of that multitudinous claw who want a shirt, or a coat, or a pair of boots, or almost any thing in the wearing line, which they can trade tor whisky. H® wakes no allusion te the woman who whines out a list of troubles longer than amoral law. T. T. does not refer to the woman who comes with a book which nobody wants, and all her family trouble®, to induce a purchase. It is a little uncomfortable to ho compelled either to invest three dolI lars in literature never to be used,or carryfor.thoeoMdocn— ofh»vtog

had the littleness to refuse a poor woman. But this does not stir the anger of T. T. up to the boiling point. The beggars to whom allusion is made are of a different class, They are genteel. Their appeals are brought by hired messengers, or by servants, and left at the front doors. Said appeal# are beau tifolly printed, and sweet scented, and often decorated with the monogram of themendieantft. T.Ts -u$ rattrr kxmdbiksck Was when his old Mend—to tell the troth, his sweet-heart—was married, to somebody else.

T. T.

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supposed that the

"At Home, «c.,H was an invitation to the wedding. Only this and nothing mom He accepted and went. "Have you been to see the presents?" "Have you been to see the presents?" This was the question on all sides, and T. T. went into the room where the "presents" were said to be. What a glitter! Teaspoons, saltspoons, batter knives, napkin rings, card cases, fruit knives, teapots, Ac., Ac., dtc. T. T. was amssed at the splendor. "Where is your present?" asked a sprightly lasa. T. T. confessed that he brought none—hadn't thought of it. Such a look! T. T. didn know what it meant then, but be saw that for seme reason he was held in eon tempt. The next day be meta friend who had been Invited and T. T. asked him why he waa not at the wedding, as ••Confound the weddings. Can't afford to go. Presents for the last one broke me. Was groomsman yea know." «Wett, what of that asked T. T. Another look of mingled pity and eontempt, The feeling stole over T. T, as a -chill sometimes Meals up the beck—the feeling that he waa a tool, or worse. The ftfiow explained curtly, "Nobody but a jtlngy old curmudgeon would weep*

Invitation to a wedding without taking a present. That is what weddings are Jfer. Think I would go without taking a prawnt?" T. T. understood. He why he had been invited. It had seemed Uttle strange that aba should JUt him and then send the invitation. He ft.* learned that "At Home, Ac. with two other cards inclosed, mean "Presents of silverware or other Tain, atbles rcMpectfally solicited. P, 8.—list «f presents aad names oi given will be published." That la a kind of begging which makes T. T. swearing mad. But the allusion made to being

A OaOOMSJtAH

T. T. did net understand at the time tt was Not long after, however, be era* invited to occupy this important positknv.

He

tl»e«ght he waa rather too

old fear the office, and beside* h© was on veiy intimate terms with the principal* in the bMbtMt. He felt flattered how •ver, «id accepted the trust. There weM toli%«oo^«?oo«N»«)a They around to the officii for aoonsulta"Well, ota fellow, fW shall I* btr»waa tfceftrst queetkm. Alter v*» rtoes demands ft* explanations T. mm made to understand that the groomsmen we*e exported to donate generously toward setting the psir up iertlver. Nothing less lhan a hundred sad fifty dollar tee wamld 4o, they e«Jd, And T. T. tswnaed wi«t •Hurt to be groomsman. The lesson oost him just fifty doIhtra, sad the tea set mad* big «bowo» thl evening of ifee wedding, and a* tt» party could neTeraflordlokeephou~.it l« probably peeked away In seems ©id trunk Slwa*. "You are sarwetly soBeltod to join with ono or Wo friends and eon* t© the sfcock of silverware with re way howskesfliig st future tin* & nd yours ts esxpeeGWt to be the bmam i*»* of U* oees dkmf* Thet Is what it meat to be gtoomsmsr T. T.hm n» ?bje*k« to oontrilmtii^ a rraaonsbie sum towards giving hi a good off when

QtheseaotiBatn

SSfWlPlp

rsJ

V»r-•*,!* w- «**.

SSa'S,v^ci«

,-.

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but he will be blowed if he will be swindled by being groomsman to those beggars.

T» T. hut inquired into this matter and he'hns learned the tricks and the ways of these beggars. When he opens square envelope and finds that Mr. and Mis. are "At Home" on a certain evening, if there be two dates just five years apart, he understands that it .pp.™ that donations of wooden wa»e are urgently eolioitod. If the dates have

ten

years between them, On will be expected. If twenty-five years separate the 'Utna T. T. understands that it leans that silver is Wanted.

The worst thing about it is that honest folks cannot celebrate their wedding days without being reganled as beggars. If T. T. should ever get married—he never supposed such a thing possible till he learned the other d*y that a confirmed old bachelor was about to put his neck Into Hymen's noose and T. T. don't know what he himself may be left to do—if he ever should get married and send invitations to the wedding he will put a Nota Bene to the effect that the contracting parties are not beggars aad donations will not be received, and he will put the same notice at the bottom of cards of invitation to all the anniversary celebrations of the happy event.

STSSSBOSSSSSSSSSSi

Amusements.5.

l.~u.

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MANAUBBSof amusements should be given to understand in the most decided manner, that our people will not coun tenance high prices of admission. There are few, very few amusements now asking public patronage, worth more than say seventy-five, fifty and twenty-five cents, according to location of seats. Had there been less warlike charges to the Maggie Mitchell and De Mui^ka entertainments, the receipts at the treasurer's office, in both eases, would undoubtedly have been greater. Let the cry be sounded: "Down with high prices."

OLIVE LOGAN.—To-night this wel] known leeturess, authoress and actress will appear at the Opera Htmse in two new comedies, supported by a well chosen dramatic company. On this occasion she will produce tho entirely new and fashionable society comedy of every-day life, written by Olive Logan entitled "The Woman who Talks." We are told that Olive's wardrobe was prepared by Worth, the great man-milliner of Parish at an expense of nearly |20,000 expressly for this piece. The evening's entertainment concludes with "Amy's Experience,"*new petite comedy, also written by Olive Logan, in which she takes the leading role. The management have wisely, put the prices of admission at a reasonable scale—seventy five Ibr the first floor and no extra charge tor reserved seats, which can be secured at Button & Hamilton's. Our people have read Olive Logan's books and newspaper articles, have heard her upon the lecture platform, but this is her ftest appearance here in drama, and a fine audienoe may be expected to-night

The Majiltoxm.—OnMonday evening the wonderful Majiltons and their eocen trie comedy company will make their fin* visit to our city, appearing at the Opera House, in their entirely new goblin operatic sensation, entitled "DingDong." The fentastio and grotesquo performances of the Majiltons are peeu liar to themselves, and are indescribably fanny. To give our readers an idea of the performance we copy from the Journal, of St. Louis, where the company has been playing, this week, the follow iogifa

The Mftjilton mwrr* hwv^ nnuiblWhed tlt«xn*elV4M thmeughlr as popular tovr and III® U»«*t«r i* nMShtly thronged aprowtwMr audiences. Tlw formanees eottftbtt of two pieees, the former a corniest eowutrietty eutiu**! ttie "lAUghla* Hyena/* In whieh the whims and oba very exeMahle Old hop*

Su^S»Ri«d Fumer, ire mad# very neatly to near* the Mfo oat of ajwor but ianooen drag clerk named law Homblow. oitowing this erntm of t»e mnim, -mm Don*. of demon

#xtmoidinary troupe. The wonderfni man SS?»n'wwrti *.f

eflfeei beeotne* utterly lrr**l«U»ile. ti^fiewmwBM^at fteBerValiailsweeki jwetrtt them.

mtaean opportunity

Itovle family, Harry Whipple,

the Tbemas«U4«ni and Mtos Jennie Griffith Will go liowti to Prtlffetottjon tMi* day evesdng, aed give a "perler enterteinmeirt. Tlsey go up te Union Clmreh

*ta*Terre IIante Bank, in operation

lulled to otoeeita doc this week. I^arge loeuntothe lAfm*pott Railway Company i«e the mm*, Tim liabilities are stated a* *me|«,000, about one-half of whieh Is due d^KMitom. The proprietofft, Bamuel Ma^lll, W. 8. Magtll and Harvey Evaos hare turned all their real and personal peopeity into tihe hanA» of Geo. C, luy, «jd tt la said to be dent to pay all lndehtedneceu tfceyare dipHd to Ml booonsbly by all their cndttaii ami should m! he hantnwd with needlees suite. They eertainly have the warm agrmpathy of lei-lew-eitlaeas in thhi hour of titrable.

IbeytaaiiH) inv.etfceaeft««nw»n.,,

TERRE HAUTE, IND., SATURDAY EVENING, DECEMBER 5, 1874.

Husks and Nubbins.

No. 185.

TUB BLUKS.

One ought always to be ftshamed of himself when be has allowed himself to be unhappy, because happiness is such cheap and simple thing. I know there are those who think the Whole world don't contain enough to make them happy and very likely this is true of them. But in real truth it requires very little to make us happy. Talking with a friend will do it. So will walking, reading a book, Bmokiug a cigar, (this by hearsay, for the writer is experimentally unacquainted with this well-spring of joy) working, any common simple thing. Yet commonplace and inexpensive as this thing of happiness is for whieh we all live, or pretend to live, how sadly we miss it many times. It is the old story of ransacking heaven and earth for what is 'before us on the very ground. But we look so high we don't see it. Philosopher as I am I confess to being guilty of this foolishness now and then. Never a ppo? devil lived who had "the blues" vf^* than I have sometimes. In the^^ Halleck's time they used to call it the uoutjt,

•hyppo" but it amounts to tho stt -ne thing and we know it better in these days as "tho blues." It's the strangest thing. Some morning you will wake up and the day is so beautiful you think the earth is a paradise. You are so happy you can hardly do anything. \ou jast want to stand liko a plant in the soft warm glow of that new-born day and absorb its rapture. At that moment life seems so full of worth and beauty that you would be willing to havo earth tor your Heaven for all eternity. Lo, in tho evening how all is changed! The sun has set in your heart as it has set upon the world and left tho former colder and more cheerless than the other, the physical world. How can you describe the revulsion in your feelings? Best perhaps by changing every epithet you used in the morning to its intensest opposite at night. As bright and gelden as earth was at morn, so dreary and cheerless was it at evening as buoyant as you then were, so hopeless now as noble as life seemed then, so worthless

Then eternity would have been none too long to enjoy such a world in now you can only ask what there is worth living for at all. If in the morning breaking stones upon the road seemed an occupation not to be scorned, in the evening the greatest and kingliest position in the world would have afforded you no satisfaction. I do not exaggerate it is impossible to exaggerate. The strongest words stop short of the reality. What is the matter? You have 'the blues."

Perhaps not many of The Mall's readjrs will understand this. Por their sakes I hope not. Yet I know there are some that will, for I have not infrequently met and talked with such:— those upon whom this sad Simoon fells sometimes from a cloudless sky, withering tor tho moment every green and beautiful thing. For these few have written the rest may,skip.

He is a poor physician who can only desoribe the symptoms of an ailment without explaining its origin or tell what is necessary tor its cure. What is the cause of this pitiful disorder which we eall "the blues?" The lat men with flues rubicund and paunches aldecma nio reply promptly "Your liver is not doing its duty, sir." Possibly, but my liver seemed to be in very good trim In the morning it has not probably become so vastly deranged in a day. Besides, if a bright faced friend chances In the spell is broken and the demon exorcised, and you feel quite content to remain a little longer on the earth. No, it is not the liver. How many sins soever that much suspected, and tear often maligned member may be responsible tor, I for one am willing to dear it of this. My belief is that "the blues" have their origin in a peculiar unsettled condition of the mind in which it refuses to confine itself to any •ingt* occupation or N^ect. It is the old story of mischievous idleness. At such times you think of a dossti things that ydu might do, any one of which would content and satisfy yoa, but you don't do any of them. You take up a hook and If you would stick to it, would be happy butyoutbrow it down. You think of going «ut to walk and If you did it would be excellent butywi don't go. What you do hi to watttabeuttlto room, like a eaged wolf, vacant, purposeta*, unresolved and weighing down with your heavy spirits the unfortunate Innocents who happen to be In Jail with you. Though you could •njoy picking the leanest bone at the banquet, if you had nothing elf®, you pass from end to end of the table without tasting any thing hut ooweeive an utter dtegtwt tor the whole few*. Try this remedy for "the blusa" aad ape if it will not be eflkMtooa. Summon all your resolution and do any one of the doseo things that suggeet themselves, no matter which, so you but bring do*n your whole mind to it, and see if you will not be happy In forgetting t» jtm are mlserawe. 1 have fought off "the bl that way many a time, tt takes though.

People and Things.

Carl Schnrs is a dyspeptie. You mustn't believe all you hear. Humbug" luus crept Into the dictionaries.

Truth is a remorseless missile to pelt a man with. Good men not only love to live, but live to love. "Skedaddle'* died out of the langauge with the war.

Since Greeley's death, you hear nothing about peat fuel. Beecher eschews shirt-studs, and wears white-pearl shirt-buttons.

Sooner or later the man who borrows at 10 per cent, will fell. Thaf coat -fits like the akin on a sausage." [Clothing store remark.

Tho Washington correspondents are writing up orations tor the M. C.'s. ANew Albany man, who Went gunninff with a chum has a holg through his ear 41

Before ten years that ugly word bummer" will be in the dictionary, no

Tom Collins, he of Mount Vernon, is a candidate for IJoorkee^rof^? Hous° of Representatives.

Jo Jefferson's audiences don't bulge out the side walls of the theaters as mnch as they used to.

ANew Bedford man found a long-lost brother recently, by reading over the cases of cures in a patent medicine almanac. ,*§% *.,***»'# a."

It iz hard work to be is luv and not akt phoolish but luv is the only thing I know that makes a pholly excugiMe [Billings.

Bev. Talmage aays he shan nuc swp until every theatre in America is levelled to the ground.

Where's

that fellow

who said perpetual motion could never be invented? A Stoneham man has been so crazed by "spiritual" manifestations at the house of the Eddys, in Chittenden, Vt., that his friends seriously think of taking him to a mad-house.

When an Arkansas judge asoends the bench, the first thing he does is to feel under the desk for the Whisky bottle, and if the tipstaff has forgotten to have it filled, legal proceedings that day don't amount to much.

Brooklyn Argus: At a spiritual circle in this city Farragut's ghost was asked if it had any objection to Vinnie Ream doiag his bust, and it gave such a vigorous rap in the affirmative as to knock the top of the table off.

U:,

Little Albert Alexander is rocked in a cradle of silver filigree work lined with pink silk and draped with white lace. His aunt, the Princess Beatrice, has contributed a quilt of white satin embroidered with roses for this elegant crib.

George Alfred Townsend says a good word tor John Morrissey: "Of course the public will stamp on Morrissey and break his nose again at every election but he sat two years in Congress without stealing a penny or asking how to steal it."

In an Omaha street fight a rough was mortally stabbed by a fellow of his own kind. When asked who his assailant waa, the dying man replied, "D'ye think there's anything mean about me? He was a square boy, and I ain't going to squeal on htm."

Mark Twain's brother, Orion Clemens, lives on a farm near Keokuk, Iowav and does not seem to find any mere fun in hopping clods, with the plow-handles polishing his diaphragm ever aad anon, than do ordinary5 farmers whose broth era are not humorista

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A weekly paper in Illinois describes the editor of the other papor as a "bleareyed hitching-post, a goat-faced gunny sack, a wart-eared bung-hole tor a cidear barrel, and a plaster-cast tor the poopdeck on a canal-boat." There must have been a dearth of society newa that week.

The Oregon legislature has passed a law providing that a person losing money at gaming shall have the right to cover by law twioe the amount of his loss. Under this law, the more a man loses the more he wins, and such a» opportunity Ibr the breaking of faro banks was eever offered.

Mies Anna Dickinson Is responsible for tiae statement that a short time before Mr. Greely's death he said to her that he intended to bring the Tribune beck to the Republican party, acknowledged that he had bees misled, and thaf, the balance of his life should be devoted to repairing the mischief he had wrought.

Brooklyn Argus: Mrs. Harriet Beeeher Stowe Is meandering through the everglades of Florida again, looking as young aad beautiful tun ever. She is a great favorite with all classes of the people, and even the alligators crawl up on the banks and smile benignantly at her aa she passea. She has invited her old friend Susan R. Anthony to owns down and renew her youth.

OLIVE LOGAN and FuU Dramatic Compaay, "The Woman Who Talks," and "Amy's Experience," Opera House To-Kiglit.

Feminitems.

Mrs. Tilton is still with the Ovington's. The gray eye is peculiar to the eye of woman.

The best ladies in New Vork wear Japanned Jewelry. It is feared the dilhgreeable fashion of hoops is coming up again.

Miss Gary refuses to sing opera in New York on Sunday. She is right. "The Dark Girl Dressed in Blue," to Miss Kellogg's latest banjo solo.

Beuds have been stuck on moat everything except pocket-handkerchiefe. The New York belle's ambition isto stagger under a hundred weight of jet.

A good judge says blue-eyed"*women can be trusted 5 but good judges trust not over much.

An Omaha girl broke her back the other day while making ber bed. An awful warning.

Miss Hulett of Chicago, attorney at law, derives an income ftf ?3,50Q a gear from her law practice iff,

An Allentown, Pa., woman screamed so while having a tooth extracted that an alann of fire was raised.

When a female child Is born in Wisconsin the unhappy father begirs to save money to buy a piano.

Susan B. doesn't wear corsets.'We'd like to knew how our brother of the quill obtained his information.—[Ex.

Ladies are said to wear their street costumes trimmed with bugles because they assist them iu making their calls.

Philadelphia girls are sometimes enthusiasts. One of them says she would get married if she could kick like Lotta

A Detroit woman recently applied to the director of the poor for money to buy a bead belt. She was refilled "relief." ».

A

.??

Many ladies still pile up a mountain of hair 011 top of their noddles but they're not in style, and they'll have to quit it.

The fancy for wearing a little bunch of natural or artificial flowers with the bow at the throat is on the increase with the ladies.

A girl with tour legs is on exhibition at Lynchburg, Ya. Now, Mrs. Swiss helm, bring on that chemiloon!—£6t. Louis Jour.

There is nothing to be so highly prised asasoft, sweet voice in woman, except her ability to take in washing when bard times come.

A lady witWthe'terrible name of Mad. Nanette Falk-Auerback is singing in symphony Concerts at Baltimore. With such a name it would be needless to sing "You'll Remember me."

Ladies should remember to keep"their mouths shut when going out of a warm room into the oool air. In fact, wouldn't hurt anything to keep them shut most of'the time.—[Ex.

When Mrs. Swisshelm told her hearers that "the only point in the female figure to support clothing is the hipe," they wisely refrained from exclaiming '-Hip-hip-hurrah !"—[N'town Herald.

As if

,tcbemiloon"

wasn't awful

enough, a Michigan women uae invented a combination garment which she has christened "chem^jupe." Chemi Jupiter, what a name!—[N'town Her aid.

It la soipe time before a girl leaiTis the use of Italics but when she does master the art of understanding, she will make up for a year's lost time in the very ne# letter she writes.—[N'town Herald.

Miss'Clkr» Louise Kellogg, the American, prima donna awoluta, is aa true with a pistol as she is in vocalism, and can at twenty paces hit the center of a target every time, just aa she hits a high note, right on the bead.

The employment of women as telegraph operators is having a good effeot. Low Jests and vulgarity along the lines havd grown less frequent, ami aa intimation that there is a female operator on a ci*eult put a quietus on the most virulent blasphemers.

The duchess of Edinburgh convalesces In a Parisian toilet made especially for the occasion, ft is of gray velvet trimmed with white lace and worn over a blue satin sklrtv and thebest authorities prohottncelt in sdurirable contrast to t£l« Albert Ai exaader* complexion. a he A lantic fifteen times, rod h*» «ooeeeded in finding wspeoUUe homes aad oecupetkuts for twelve hundred girls. But this is not all she has made three voy- ^, to Australia and New Zealand, and has there procured situations for fifteen hundred female servants.

A St. Louis Journal reporter took breakfast with Clara Louise Kellogg one day last week, and the following was the bill of fare: Broiled steak, tenderloin, breakfast bacon, broiled ham, broiled mackerel, Wed sweet potatoes, Irish potatoes, stowed In cream, French roll*, te*, cotfee, buckwheat cakes, oranges, nuta. After this poetical repest, Miss Kellogg played on the baq}o, and sang "The Yellow Girl Dressed in Bins."

Price Five Cents.

Connubialities.

w+:

An armleii "Milwaukee woman boxes her husband's are with her feet. If I bust out a-laffin' you musnt get mad, mister." [Ft. Wayne bridegroom.

What is that which tiea two persons, but only touches one?—A wedding ring.

A young wtdowfe^ tnay go into a decline for a season, but be generally rewives.

Married, in Richmond, Va., Mr. John Henry Going to Miss Marie Bowler. Bowler Is now going, and Going's 'gone."

There, now! read the following: Mrs. Monroe, mother-in-law of Gcoige Taylor of Kenosha, arrived at his house the other day and left him a check for $10,000.

Mercy Consolation Smith is the name of tfce handsomest girl in Fort Wayne, and happy will the young man be who can one day exclaim, "Oh! Mercy, thou art my Consolation."

It wasn't highly moral, though extremely natural: Ho was young, and married the mother, forty and fat then eloped with the daughter twenty and fair. Scene, Bergen county, New Jeraey.

It is a well demonstrated fact that when a widow lias once determined to marry any particular man all young girls having designs la the same direction may as well retire at onoe. The widow will win nineteen times out of twenty.

Jacksonville, Illinois, has the funniest woman we have heard of. Mrs. Reider was playfully handling a revolver, and just for the fun of the thing pointed it at her husband. It is feared the husband cannot recover owing to an aperture in his side.

The shrewd wife at Newport, where seats are not reserved at the shows, goes early and takes with her 4 hat, which she drops in the empty seat by her side. The auditors suppose that a man has temporarily left his plaoe, and when the detained husband comes in late he puts the extra hat in his pocket and proudly sits by the side of a wife worth having.

A young lawyer recently wen the heart and hand of the beautiful Miss Sharon, daughter of the prospective senator from Nevada. The old gentleman did not cut her off with a shilling, but came down with what is denominated "a cool million" as a wedding present. The Rose of Sharon may be very fine to sing about, but who would not prefer a Sharin' like this.

Six or seven years ago Dr. Marshall, of Knoxville, was married to Miss Parsons, a brilliant and beautiful young lady. They lived unhappily together for several years, when she made application tor divorce, and wab separated from her liege lord. He married again, and his second wife was divorced from him in the same manner as the first, and now he weds his first wife a second time.

The other day Bishop Haven took an unfair advantage of a gushing youth at Marysville, in Marion county, Iowa. The Bishop waa dedicating a Methodist ohurch and soliciting subscriptions for It, and a certain yeung man whispered that if a certain young lady in the congregation would marry him he would give 9500 to the church. And the Bishop blurted It right out in meeting, and the young lady, like Barkis, announced that she was willing.

A Washington doctor says: "Ihhve known of hundreds of cases of typhoid fever being brought on by mental trouble occasioned by an unfortunate love affair. You take a man of quiet domesHe tastes, and let him onoe become wrapped up in tbesocietyof a loving woman. Then after this society has become to htm a

second

nature let it be suddenly

taken away from him under circumstances that cloud his mind with chagrin as well as sorrow, and you have a ae of madness to deal with beyond the power of physicians. Medicines are df DO avail to them."

Hie Burlington, la., Hawkey* man says the other night a man wholes out on Columbia street waa kept down town by business until a very late hoar, and his wife, knowing how cold he Would be when he got home, put an iron^n the Move, and when she heard him open the gate, she jumped up and hurriedly wrapping the lion in a piece of flannel chocked it in bed for him to warm his great feet by. The man was cold and tactiturn and cross. He crawled into bed with a growl, and shuddered with cold as be stretched himself out.

Then he gave a yell that shook the roof and jammed his head through the headboard, and screamed fire, and waltzed out en the floor and around the room In the dark, and filled the "darkness with wired profanity. When bis Vife lighted the lamp they discovered a beautifiil photograph of a sadiron en that nun's foot, and It was found that the flannel had somehow got off the foot-warmer. The man says that hereafter, if he must sleep with a hardware •tore, he wants it put in cold.