Saturday Evening Mail, Volume 4, Number 12, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 20 September 1873 — Page 2

KICK HIM WHEN tt&b DOWN.

When And

W^nd

golden sueceai frowns his

Bow friend* will then flock Stoout fci®» But if *orton«shoold h»pp«n to mrtni. How quickly he'll get the ^c° dshouldsr

And be "kicked because he is down. How kindly the world wlU smile on him When life with successes abounds How cordially blandly 'twill greet hlm

A* in pleasure he's sliding around I ttn, linn let reverses ertake hint And hi* friends both In oountry and town Hsve noi a kind sentence to cheer him,

Bat will kick htm as soon as he's down! Let a man get position or wealth. Matters not If by Intrigue or fraud. The world nods approvingly at him,

And hi* acts will loudly applaud. What though he may be a great villain, With the simple, tne wise,and the clown, While he** up he's a "tip top fellow,

But they'll "kick him if be ev«tr gets down.'

He's counted a "bully gooa ciium men, And the crowd approves all he may say Bat Just let him lose bis treasures.

Perchance, too, his health may be gone, He'll get to be uobody quickly, Anu sure to be "kicked when he down. What's the use of being moral or hone*!,

Or strive to be upright and true For unle«s a mau has "lot* of money The world'* bound to "put him right through They'll "go tor him," certain and surely,

From tne Jockey to priest In his gown— And all stand ready to "snub" him, And "kick him bemuse lie is down."

Mr. Whitings Mistake.

A woman in a calico dress, witb a towel over tier head, stood shaking and beating up a pillow upon the upper balcony of a square atone bouse and a man stood brushing the duat and specks from his coat upon the balcony below. The woman was Bridget Geoakes, and the mau was Paul Whiting.

Now it happened that just beyond the church, doa a side street, was a little low wing growing upon the body of a painted wooden house and here lived Miss Alma Disbrow, a worthy maiden with frost bitten euris, who always wore a rustling black silk gown, a heavy gold chain, and an eye-glass.

Miss Disbrow's father had been unfortunate euough to be a pioneer in this part of the lake country, so long ago as wbnn the Governor's wife rode to church in a tip-cart drawn by oxen, and when the town was lighted by glow-worms instead of gas.

But his daughtor, Miss Alma, was fortunate enough to live so lately as when tho most desirable street of a flourishing commercial city ran directly through the heart of her father's swamp lauds. And stiii luter, when, in token of her being unmarried, and an only daughter, she came into possession, by her father's will, of the principal part of his rich inheritance.

Upon thai, turning her back to ail aspiring adventurer*, and shutting her eye* agulnst hor brother's longing boys and girls, she gave the best located lots of the whole lor a church and rectory and then, throwing out this modest wing from the bouso of her youngest and least disliked brother, she settled herself down in it to sit and look all day at her beautiful gift. lint Miss Alma had eyes as shurp as A brass pin the better to BEE witb, my dear so, besides the highstoHecburcb, she perceived a great many things. And upon this particular morning she sat in her 1'iirker rocker, rustling and rocking, with her eyo-glass iu one hand and the morning paper in the oth r. On tho leather cushion of an old arm-chair, by the sunniest window, sat her confidential, a black dog with a white face, named liostjamin. This dog bad a great deal more consideration and many inoro privileges than her brother's children 5 and it was into bis pointed oars Miss Disbrow, who had not another weHkness in the world (unless in the matter of a front tooth or so,) had tho habit of dropping everything she thought or knew or guessed. And the dog Benjamin, as a man Benjamin might not have done, always listened without interruption and never repeated anything she said.

Benjamin," cried out Miss Disbrow, so suddenly that the dog Jumped upon his foot, "as true as you are born, Mrs. Baby has only Just this moment come to heip about clearing op after the church social. Well, now, I do say, if that is not real mean. Just come! When there sho is boarding, with nothing under the stars to do, not even to make her own bed ana poor, little Mrs. Greeting, with her si* children and alt ber housekeeping cares, has been here hard st work fully half an hour. I cannot stand such shirking, la*y ways—I declare I can't." lionjiimln yawned and stretched himself uiui Miss Disbrow moved her chair nearer the window and looked out on the clouded sky, the browntouched trees, and the wet walk, Rnd she saw presently tho figures upon the two pistsas of the square stone house at the corner.

By that time the ladies wore through with their work of cleauing up the vestry, and had gone home in their highheeled, clattering bnota the sorub-wo-msn and the boys had done all their runuing out ami iu and slopping about with pails of water and the old, whiteheaded sexton, in his round, steelbowed glasses, that made hint look like gra.T owl, bad locked the door and gone to his day's work, sawing wood st a grand house on the avenue. 80 Miss Disbrow had plenty of time to turn her observation and eye-glasses toward her neighbor's balconies. To tell the plain truth, between you and me and Benja Uiin, Miss Disbrow had for some tiuie felt that the Whiting family needed more looking after than they got from the sun, moon, and stars, and the city watchman and she had long been trying to act the part of the Good Mamsritan, and so with the oil and the wine, when she would have discovered the nature of the family wound. 80, whenever one of the Whitings came In sight, she put down her paper and pat

on ber eye glasses*. torn,'* ber glasses and rocking

%4*

lienjarol said she, pmienily, cking till her'(Tress rustled like an oak tree In a north wind, "Benjamin! yon cannot gurM what has happened now."

Benjamin did not seem Inclined to try, the task being so hopeless, and Ml** Disbrow went on:

That Bridget Geoakes—she la a earelees thing—Pre long seen that, snd wondered Mr*. Whiting kept ber so— she has been and left a pillow on the balcony railing. Went oft and left It I Of course the wind took It, and so

Benjamin, would yon you, go over and tell them?" Benlamin's face, about one eye, was black, and the rest of the f*ee being entirely white, this gave him a peculiarly knowing eipwjwon when be socked no that eye, as he had a way of doing. And now ne turned bis bladk eye upon Miss Disbrow, with the appearand of winking at her. Perhspa, indeed, he did. Anyhow, there waa •one invisible free-masonry between

them. Ibr Miss Dlabrow instantly responded, just as though he had spojten Well, then, I will,Beojamie. Why are we not to with an »n •—r-"7--T-vy she threw little msiae-eolored rlgOWtte over ber weather-beaten curls, and a white breakfast abawi over ber abonldera. Then putting on her glove# with the dignity of a circumnavigator, she started across the street.

pat Into this world together If help each other?" said sbS, as in afr of virtuous responsibility

One might fancy she would pick up the unfortunate pillow upon the way but no—I hope abe waa above meddling with her neighbors things! Certainly! She walkedjmpressivelv to the aoor snd rang the bell, which waa instantly answered by Mr. Whiting himself, with a carpet-bag In his hand and bis hat upon hishead. "Going away, are you?" aald Miss Disbrow. diverted for the time from her original errand by an opportunity of Insetting the wedge of inquiry.

Ah! Miss Disbrow! Yes, I am going to Chicago on a little business trip. Won't you come in "Thank you, Mr. Whiting, not this morning. Does your wife accompany you?" "No, she doesn't. Sbe is going to Cincinnati for a few days," replied Whiting, who was guileless as a apring chicken, and not much more of a mouthful for the maneuvering black fox, who always found a great deal more flavor in anything sbe bad first unreatbed by skillful digging. "You had better come iu," continued he, cordially. "Mrs. Whiting is busy packing, but ghe will be glad to see you." And tbe doluded man really believed so for, although he lived ia such olose relation with Mrs. Whiting for five years, be was only a man, after all.

But Miss Disbrow wss a woman, and so sbe knaw great deal better than to be persuaded that a person is glad to see callers when packing. "Ob, no lu deed, Mr. Whiting! Thank you but: last ran over in a neighborly way, to tell yon of a little accident I happened to observe from my window. A pillow fell from tbe balustrado wbere your chambermaid very carelessly left it, snd 1s now lying upon the sidewalk. I wss fesrful it might come to grief before any of the family missed it. Good morning." And so speaking, Miss Disbrow bowed and rustled away.

Benjamin," said she, mysteriously, when she reached ber own rocking chair again, "I cannot see why Mrs. Wbitlng takes the time to go to Cincinnati when her husband is away. It would be my choice not to leave the bouse alone with that flighty Bridget Geoakes. Or, then, why did not Mrs. Whiting go to day, while ber husband is here to see ber off? I em't understand it."

And with this, Miss Disbrow fell into a fit of musing, and mused so long and silentlv that Benjamin fell asleep uud dreamed be knew wbere thero was a woodcock's bole with a woodcock in it

Meantime, Mr. Whitiug kissed his wire (probably,) took bis valise, and went on, happily unconscious of 1 cloud no bigger than a man's hand, al readv coming iu bis domestic sky. He thought of no shadow darker than tbe bank of heavy dampness hanging above his head in tbe heavens. And that very ovenlng those vaporous clouds, having sulked long enough over tbe wretched condition of tbe muddy streets made up their minds, and expressed it by coming down in an emphatic fall of snow that glided from umbrellas anddrifted against windows, likes slipping off of great white blankets. By day-dawn the streets and root's and steeples wore white as a miller's cat, and the air rang with the scraping of shovels and jingling of slelitb bells. "Of-course Mrs. Whiting won't think of starting after such a snow, with every prospect of the roads being blocked. Of course not, Benjamin," said Miss Disbrow, seating herself to the occupation of looking upon the

things

of their neighbors with all the

eyes of ber own, and all the eyes of

her

glasses—watching them so intently that actually a pair of pigeons flew into the belfry of tbe church, and ft pair of ragged boys peeped into tbo vestry windows without her knowing it. But her watch waa rewarded, for at precisely a quarter past 11 a close carraige came up to Mrs. Whiting's door.

As sure as you are born, Benjamin, she is going i" exclaimed Miss Disbrow, apparently as violently astonished as though she bad not been looking all the morning for a sight of this very carriage. "And two trunks! What can tbe woman want of two trunks, olng down to Cincinnati for a few she continued, appearing to sus^ct the trick of tbe Trojan horse.

pe ItV

Well, now I can't see why sbe takes so much baggage. And as sure as you're made, Benjamin, she has anew traveling suit throughout, bat and all. A suit of silver gray poplin, with muff and collar of Astracban wool, and an Alaska hat. Sho looks as girlish as on please." added Miss Disbrow, wringing bor opera glass, which always lay conveniently near on a teapoy, to bear bor, for sbe stood there, to tbe untried eyes, as cheerful and innocent as a Burgundy rose. But, alas! things are not wbat they seem.

If that woman Is ever dissected I .. vnt to see her heart, Benjamin. I oWlcve she has no more than yon could put on tbe point of a needle. I do so," responded Miss Disbrow, putting down her glass as tbe carriage slowly plowed Us WRV along the snowy street, and taking'»p tbe book-mark sbe waa embroidering for the pulpit Bible.

Tbe suu "hone, the pigeons whirred past the windows, the school-boys snow-balled, tbe engine screamed, and the cars rumbled and gram bled and (tided oul from the depot, disappear•ng around the long curve, out beyond tbe city limits, and so far away Into the limitless somewhere of ibe wide world. And witb them went little Mrs. Wbitlng, blithe as a blue-jay, and Charming as a June morning. But although she looked so, wbat If, after ail, she was not simple-hearted as a daisy I

Did you know Mrs. Whiting over her* had gone awsy, Aunt Alma?" cried out her niece Moraetta, bursting into the room that afternoon, In her usual abrupt way.

Certainly, niece. Take oar*, child! Don't upeet that pot of primroses." Miss Disbrow always enjoyed a call from Moraetta, something as one would to see a calf taking his morning walk among one's verbenas. "Moraetta, a little more and yon wonld have thrown down the ahade over my wax flowers! Did yon want anything?"

4

Why, no, Aunt Alma. I just come In tnat Is all. Bat I was wondering who Mrs. Wbitlng went ofT with, and

I thought perhaps you wonld know." Why, did you see any one with beif Wbat do yon mean added Miss Disbrow, suddenly, eo Interested that abe forgot to chide Moraetta for swinging a pair of scissors by tbelr ribbon, to tbe imminent peril of Benjamin's eyes and of a pier-glass.

Yea, 1 aaw somebody. And eo did Bella Jboaler. We were coming through

tbe depot, on our way home from school, like we always do. when we ssw Mrs. Whiting. I saw ber and so

•MS W

For Cleveland Moraetta. are yon sure?" sxclslmsd Miss Dlsbi vestal horror.

TKKKR-HAPtE SATURDAY EVENING MAIL. SEPTEMBER 20. 1873.

—5

did Bells and just as we said* both together, 'There fa Mia. Whiting,' a^an tleman earn* up and kissed her very

affectionately, and she looked all in a flutter, and no did he and then they took the can for Cleveland."

brow, in

Yes, ma'am, rare. That waa what Bella and I thought so queer, for ber trunks wsre marked Clneinnsti we stood right by them snd saw the carda. Yon may aak Bella if It wssnt so. Tbere she Is going by this minute. Bella! Bella! Come In !'T sbe cried, running to the window, tapping it and nodding and beokonlng.

Mlas Dlsbrow's sense of outraged propriety wss so much shocked by the scandal of Moraetta's story that abe permitted thla breach of decorum, an insult to the dignity of ber windowa, without a word, though the window itself shook all ever under the mortification. But Bella came in. aa like Moraetta In girlish lift and hoydsnish as one bramble-bush Is like snothsr. And then out of tbe mouth of two witnesses Miss Disbrow was fbroed to beileve.

Did yon ever see tbe man before How did he look, and how did heappear sbe asked.

Ob, be was perfectly splendid, and be waa dressed elegantly!" cried tbe enthusiastic scbool-girl. "But I never saw bim here before neither did Rett%. I don't think he llvea here be earns from the Cincinnati cars. You saw bim, didn't you. Retta?" aatd Bella Mosier.

Yes, of course I did. And then he looked around aa though he expected to see somebody, till be saw Mrs. Whiting and sbe was just standing like sbe was waiting, wasn't she Bella ••Well, there, Benjamin, wbat do you make of that said Miss Disbrow, after the girls bad chattered themselves out of the room and out of tbe house. •'Don't you recollect I suspected all was not right when I saw those two immense trunks, and little Mrs. Whiting herself dressed up like a doll? I do wish I knew wbat to think."

All day leng Miss Disbrow sat putting this and that together, until the opposite house grew fairly hideous under tbe shadow of evil aod all nigbt long she lay awake upon the great, oid fashioned mahogany bedstead, still putting this and that together.

By dawn tho next morning Miss Disbrow was looking out to see if it bad fared witb the gray mansion over night as witb tbe cities of the plain. But no sentenco against an evil work is not executed speedily and there it stood, massive and square, against the reddening eastern sky. Ahd at that very moment she saw Mr. Whiting with the general look of unkept haggardness belonging to a traveler just out of a sleeping car, going iu through thestately but dishonored doorway. "Benjamin!" cried Miss Disbrow, nervously, "he has come home. Perhaps Hbe has left bim a note. Ob. Benjamin ought I to go over and teil him wbat we know? Ought I?"

Benjamin did not reply, but he looked thoughtful, wbloh was more satisfactory to the inquirer and Miss Disbrow sat down and rocked, with her face toward the cburcb, as the Jews in exile turned their faces toward Jerusalem.

Benjamin," said she, presently. "I will go. It is my duty. Tbe next train to Cleveland leaves at 7:80, and tbere is not a minute to lose." *,.•

So she weut. Mr. Whiting answered her ring this morning as before and tbougb he looked a little surprised at tbe untimely c«ll, he seemed nowise agitated or under a cloud. "Mrs. Whiting has not returned?" began the spinster.

No, ma'am. I do not expect her before the last of tbe week. Is there anything I can do for you in ber absence, Miss Disbrow?" returned the wronged husband.

Nothing, Mr. Whiting, nothing for me. Where did I understand you to say Mrs. Whiting has gone! Could it be Cleveland "No Cincinnati. Sbe has gone to her sister's, Mrs. Gaegon. Perhaps you know ber," replied the unconscious man, wondering to tbe tips of his boots wby Miss Disbrow was there. "Another pillow gone over, may be or perhaps sbe has seen Bridget giving cold pieces to a beggar at tbe back gate," mused he, listening with a hungry ear for tbe breakfast table.

But bis wonders and musings were cut painfully short. Air. Whiting," said Miss Disbrow, solemnly, "I ain afraid I have bad news for you. Your wife did not go to Cincinnati, as you supposed she went to Cleveland. And she did not go alone."

Mr. Wblting stared helplessly at the speaker, unable on tho iostant to take in such dreadlal tidings.

What I say Is true, Mr. Whiting. I have It from parties who saw her go. She has gone to Cleveland, and sbe baa not gone alone," repeated Miss Disbrow. nodding so wiselv sbe might have been own aunt to Solomon.

Mr. Wbitlng was as innocent ss a new cup of milk, but be had as many nerves as a woman and if he bad not been barn a man be certainly would have been a bluo-bottle fly, bumping about, restless and distracted. And so soon ss be fully comprehended Miss Disbrow's disgraceful story, he was nearly wild. "Ho took it hard«F tbafi I coald wish, Benjamin—harder than I could wish. Poor man I don't know when I have pitied anybody so before and truly, Benjamin, I am afraid that I shall have no appetite for my breakfast aod you know It is fish-balls today, and I am more partial to fisb-balls than anything else. It is too bad, so it is!"

Aod Miss Disbrow sighed, partly for her own loss, and partly for tbe loss of her neighbor.

Yes, Beojamin there he goes. 1 es —going to find ber and, when be finds her-what then, 1 ask yon, Benjamin?"

Benjamin did not know—be bad no means of knowing—eo be did not tell. And, after smelling a bottle of camphor, Miss Disbrow went on:

It doee eeem to me, and always bas, that if Mr. Whiting bad not been born an idiot, be might have known better than to marry such a pretty bunck of lace and feathers. But man Is always a fool about woman until be marries ber."

While Miss Disbrow, full of Wisdom snd sympathy, talked thus behind her glasses and ber window-curtains, Mr. Whiting went down the avenne to the depot, half frantic with baste and horrible nneies, blaming himself for his blindnees snd osrsleesness, while a thousand things, overlooked and forgotten heretofore, straightened and explained themselves in tbe light of this shameful flight.

Once In the ear, the train, at Its swiftest seemed to crawl like a sick cater-

{ong

illar

and oh! how tediously often and they stopped at every wood pile and hamlet of shanties! Suddenly

they stoppsd not saueh of anywhere, ana never started again. "What ianp now?" cried out Mr. Wbitlng, Impatiently.

Nothing is up. Tfttfi hridgs Is down,* snswersd somebody In sueb provokingiy oooltone that Mr. Wbtting fslt tyke asking hi* taught* "We have to go roundthrsemlhaiunslelgh, snd take Che train np t|ie other awe. Fine Stance for a sleigh ride," added tbe contented soul, whose wife sat In tbe seat beside him crocheting a very minute ssoque. 8ure enough 1 First an honr of ignominious waiting, then tbe crowded, tedloua transportation of five hundred men and momen, and each of their Ave hundred trunka, over and back. A cycle of time to a man with a awarm of beee in bia heart.

But "all things come round to bim who waits," and at laat they steamed off beyond tbe broken bridge, slower, though, thsn ever, for the road waa waabed and the train waa heavy. Yet at lost that rain ended also, slthougb it was away through the night, and finally daybreak, and even broad morning, before tbe belated train reached Cleveland.

It was too early for tbe street cars, and being off time, there were no coaches In waiting so Mr. Whiting started at once to walk to tbe residence of his wife's father.

Tbe day bad broken rough and windy, as it always lain tbe beautiful Foreat City, and theeloudedaky frowned upon tbe miserable huaband as well as the smoky stained shops and sloppy sidewalks. Even Commodore Perry, upon his pedestal in tbe park, seemed to look stonier than ever, aa he gased off upon tbe icy lake, witb a sort of pity that fore bore to look down upon tbe human wretchedness be hsd himself done with years and years ago.

Mr. Wbitlng hurried on, hardly comprehending bis errand, or wbat he feared, until a pretty gotbic cottage, set far back on a lawn behind linden trees, came into view. Tbe bouse was shut up and silent but Mrs. Whiting was always a lark at rising, and as her husband involuntarily looked up at tbe window of tbe room tbey bad so often occupied, be saw her looping back the curtains, aa cheerful and bright as a buttercup. And before be was balf way up tbe walk, abe was through the doorway and down to meet bim smiling like a morning glory.

I didn't expect you before to-mor-row," she cried in girlish Joy. "I thought you wouldn't get my letter in time. Nobody is up but me isn't that splendid Nobody in the whole house! We will g» down to breakfast before they know you are here. Wby, how delightful! 1 could hug that old mall carrier for taking round mv letter in time! But wasn't it magnificent that Theodore happened to see me? He said it was all luck and chance that be did not get out the other side of the depot. And we were just in time to catch tbe Cleveland train."

Theodore was Mrs. Whiting's eldest brother, just on his way froth India. And directly at the mention of bis name a stone of as many as twenty tons weight fell from Mr. Whiting's heart, which in consequence felt lighter than sponge bread. "So you thought you would come right home with Theodore instead of going to Cincinnati to Sarah Gaegon," said be.

Why, yes Sarah is here, you know. Didn't 1 write you that? All of us, brothers and sisters, are together, now you have come," answered Mrs. Whiting, growing sweeter with every word she spoke in the eyes of the bappy busband.

Mr. Wbitlug never told bis comical and tragical mistake, and sbe never suspected the embroidered velvet cloak and ermine furs he bought for her that very day wore, in sober reality, thank offerings.

A California Etching.

1 Arthur McEwen, in Oakland Home Journal.] The District Attorney of Murderer's Bar stood up to bis knees in the Yuba. But as his rubber boots came as high as his bips there was no fear of his getting wet, as ho made tbe muddy river muddier Dy his unceasing labor at the rocker.

Distance lent beauty and picturesque ness to the District Attorney. A near view disclosed several details that were not creditable to the guardian of the legal honor of Murderer's Bar. His red shirt, that a hundred feet off would have set an artist to sketching incontinently, at ten would bavemade a laundryman groan. At photograph dla tance bis mother would have wept, for although the District Attorney had on ly been away from Yale two vears,and in California one, bis nose bad acquired a color tbat» like tbe bue of a choice meerschaum, could oply have been gained by steady effort. If the parson of bis native town could have been con oealed on the bank of tbe Yuba, be would have changed bis opinion of tbe District Attorney's natural piety, for although tbe young man was of excel lent family, he took a clay pipe from between bis teeth and swore ably at tbe poor results of an hour's bard washing, lying in the bottom of the rocker. Then be looked up at tbe sun and transferred hlsprofanlty to that body, as be took off bis slouched bat and wiped bis forehead witb bis sleeve. As tne District Attorney thus stood scratching his matted bead, a bravely arrayed figure. bestriding a gaily caparisoned mule, trotted down the bank and cried out: •I say, sur, are ye the boss Ishyer or the BarT *1 am,' said the District Attorney, putting on bis bat.

Are ye on tbe msrry the stranger asked pleasantly, aa be got off tbe mule and took a seat on a rock by ths we ters edge.

Kb?" Is marrying in yer line I don't catch your meaning,' said tbe District Attorney, anxioualy.

I mean have ye Tver done any mar ryln' yerself,' explained the atranger, leiaurety cutting a pipeful from a plug of tobacco.

Well, no,' aald the District Attorney. 'Why Bekaae I'd like ye to splloe myself an' Mary Brady over at tbe Flat the night—Mary, ye know, daughter of Gold Brady, what keepe the deadfallkin ye do it

Oh, certainly,' said the District Attorney, without hesitation. Well, come on thin—there's a horse Air ye st tbe csbin beyant.'

Brown, who ia a dlatlagulabed lawyer now with no bad habits, nsd bis doubts about It. He bad never heard of a district attorney marrying people before. But be remorsefully reflected that bis studiss In his profession had not been profound. Anyway, it waa reasonsble to suppose that law, like morals snd religion, might relax In tbe California atmosphere on this occasion. And so Brown baa said, *1 made up my mind to risk It and go with Mr. Flnnegan over to the Flat. Beside, I have always prided myself on a good memory, eo I

hadn't any doubt, after my ptons briaglng up, tbst I could remember tbe msrrlsgs osreruouy aUaoet perfect* ly.1

The wedding waste bepeljbrated at toepolTtsn saloon*—Mr. Flnnebeen Ir(»ejr*nfc In calling it a l—md Ptatrlet Attorney ilsrg* snd tlpsrjr ebmpany rnaknmm tremendona noise ana pledging the expeotaut bride in raw turn pending tbe arrival of tbe bridegroom and himaelf. The company waa larger than aelent. The whole male population of the Flat had come out as a matter of course, despising the formality of waiting for invitations. Tbere were only three ladles—the bride and her mother and Mra. Qen. Hardlnage—wife of Gen. Hardinage, who waa atopplng for a few weeks at the Flat, with a view to Inveetment, Mr. Brady, having got money and lands by means of tbo Cosmopolitan, took an Interest in tbe General, and bia beautifully dressed lady got an Invitation. There were several other lad tea living at the Flat, but I regret to aay they were not ench as could be Invited to a wedding.

It was a very lively assemblage indeed. Old Brady himself could hardly keep hla feet, aod refused to charge for bis rum—something that Is handed down in tbe flat to this day—for when Mr. Brady waa sober or even ordinarily drunk, he waa a great skinflint. The boys were sitting round tbe tables playing cards or standing at tbe bar In knota. Everybody waa speaking at once, and everybody was anxious to drink his glaas witb everybody else in bonor of the bride. Tbe healthy young lass sat between her mother and the General's lady, who were perfect batteries of sorrowing sympathy. Poor Miss Brady was red as a piece of cinnabar, with the excitement and the attention and an ocoaaional bashful sip of watered rum, a dozen tumblers of which beverage were constantly extended by gallant bands. General Hardinage, the only man present who wore a white shirt, and bis was very large and white indeed, kept near tbe blushing Miss Brady, and aroused tbe envy of every Flatter, by bis suaye manners and handsome porson. •Gintletnen, come to orther!' cried Mr. Brady, thickly, and knocking a glass ou tbe counter in a shambling way 'the lahyer's come.'

A deep silence fell upon tbe bar-room of tbe Cosmopolitan, as this important truth was given forth. And a great many jaws dropped, and nun erous pairs of arms became burdens to their owners, as tbe District Attorney gravely followed Mr. Fiunegan, who, looking neither to tbe right nor lelt, stalked solemnly to the side of the bride. Everybody felt oppressed and uncomfortable, somewhat as one would feel on being presented at Court, if ignorant of the etiquette. General Hardlnage, in his slight embarrassment, smilingly lifted a pack of cards and shuffled them mechanically. One-eyed Jim, the gambler, took advantage of the occasion to slip an ace up Ills sleeve, and winked at General Hardinage when he saw that gentlemau observing bim.

Hould on,' murmured Mr. Brady, swaying behind tbe bar, 'Mr. Lahyer, bave a sup before tbe work.' 'Thank you,' said the District Attorney, glad or any excuse for daisy, for be found with alarm that bis memory was not near so good on tbe church service as be had thought. But be knew tbat it wouldn't do at all to look embarrassed, so be drank gracefully to tbe bride, and taking on a grave frown, be buttoned bis sbirt at tbo neck, and turned to tbe gaping aasemblage.

1

Tbe friends will please gather in a circle,' While this was being done on tiptoe, the District Attorney scowled impressively. 'The gentleman and lady about to be uMted in tbe holy bonds of matrimony will now please to stand up—tbe gentleman on the rlgbt and tbo lady on the left—so. We will begin at your convenience, madam.'

This was sddressed to tbe maternal Brady, who, as if to add to the agony of tbe purple bridegroom's position, bad thrown ber arms about ber daughter's neck and set up a bowl. The General's lady came to the rescue, and drew off tbe* fond mother In the midst of ber lamentations, and soon the fearfully constrained silence was restored.

Dearly-beloved brethren, (hem!') began the District Attorney in his sepulchral tone, 'dearly-beloved brethren be paused again to blow his nose and trcowl around at tbe Flatters, who looked guilty—'Dearly-beloved brethren, we are gathered here In the sight of God, and in the face of this company to —to—to—In feet to marry Mr. Finnegan and Miss Brady.' The District Attorney cleared his throat, aud seemed to challenge contradiction. 'This is commended by St. Paul to be honorable among all men.' Here tbo Attorney looked solemnly around again. One or two of tbo Flatters nodded assent, and Lanky Tom went so far as to murmur,

Yon bet, yer.' 'And therefore,' continued Brown, 'is not to be entered into slightly, but reverently, discreetly, advisedly, soberlv, and in tbe fear of God, the laws of God, the laws of California, and'— The District Attorney, being in the mess again, had recourse to. his

pocket-handkerchief.

The Flatters

improved the opportunity to relieve themselves by changing their position* and sighing. Mr. Finnegan also drew out a colored handkerchief to mop his brow, and the bride accepted a sip from the turn bier offered by tbe gallant General. Old Brady stiii smiled stupidly behind the bar, and nodded approvingly. 'As I bave said,' resumed tbe District Attorney desperately, Mt should riot be entered into lightly, but reverently, discreetly, snd—and—In short, Miss Brady, wilt tbou bave thla man to be tby wedded husband

Miss Brady, after an anxious look at ths General's lady, murmured that abe would.

And you. Mr. Finnegan—will tbou bave this woman to be tby wedded wife?'

Ay said Mr. Finnfgan, stoutly. Again the District Attorney waa hopelessly stuck. He scowled and pulled out bis bsndkercblef once more.

And so you both aay you will, do you Brown asked this as if clinching some damaging admlaslon of a witness.

Yis, sur said Mr. Fannegan, with the air of standing by bis colors at all hazards. •Yon dor

Yis, we do.' Mr. Finnegan becoming nettled. There was no time to JO0£, •Then hold np yonr bandsT You, Micbsel Finnegan, and you, Mary Brady, do solemnly swsar that you tell but tbe truth, and yon God

the truth, nothing bui the truth only, so help

VI* maiMl Ur Vln

Yis,' gsspsd Mr. Finnegan. Then, according to the laws 01 fornia and tbe United States I prononnce ded the

'ou man and wife. And,' aditrlct Attorney, with hla oy

rolled op, 'what God hath joined let no man put asnnder. Amen!' No calm or decorous pen can describe tbe extravsgances of congratulation that followed this impressive ceremony. Mr. Brady half sn hour afterward waa carried op stairs, and forty minutes later tbe bridegroom was also borne to bis chamber inssnsible. After

theee to be expected preliminaries the company settled down to solid enjoyment. In three hours after the retirement of the bride, every teb|» wss a roof to atleaat one deeply alumbering Flatter. By, midnight only a party of four had uot suocumbed. Tbtfr employment was poker. General' Hardinage had One-eyed Jim for a visa vis ana tbe District Attorney sat opposite Lanky Tom. Tbey were playing with that self-possessed excitement and quick-eyed eagerness belougiug only to old poker devoteee. 'Bet an ounce,' aald tbe General, In the profeealonal low tone, and reaching over to snnff tbe candle.

I'm out,1eald tbe District Attorney, so softly as scarcely to be heard abovs tbe snores snd gasps of tbe sleepers, who oevered tbe floor. •So'm I,' eald Lanky Tom. giving a sharp little kick to a gentleman on whom ho was wsrmlng his feet for moving.

See your ounce and raise you two,' said One-eyed Jim. Five better,' quoth the General. •Soe it—call.'

Four kings.' 'Yon stole'em,' said One-eyed Jim, drawing bis revolver and putting bis hand ou tbe pile of gold.

You He,' answered the General and shot him through the bead. It was done before One-eyed Jim oould raise his pistol, and as the General would in all probability bave been killed himself but for his promptness, nobody could blame him. Whether or not he stole tbe kings Is another and irrevelant question.

This was the view taken of it by the Flat next morning, and as a publio manifestation of confidence in tbe purity of tbe General's motives, every Flatter felt it a duty to ask the General to drink. And then poor One-eyed Jim had not been a favorite at tbe Flat. His profession having been poker, many of the Flatters recalled sundry losses and had their private belief in an over-rul-ing Providence strengthen.d.

But there was nothing mean auout the Flat. It was cheerfully voUd a holiday to bury One-eyed Jim. The District Attorney was sgain pressed into service as inastor of tbe ceremonies. A party was detailed to dig the grave in an old claim that had once been tbo property of the deceased.

One eyed Jim, in life, had a habit of cursing this possession as tho means of driving bim to poker, for bo had never seen the color iu it after moutbs of patient working. Another party knocked up a rough coffin for tue body, and then, after a solemn drink all round, the funeral cortego left the Cosmopolitan—the coffin on a rough bier, and General Hardlnage following, as chief mourner—for tbe General feelingly declared that no one more than himself regretted the gentleman's misfortune.

Tbe District Attorney began to think be bad mistaken bis profession. Previous to the fuueral, aud while drinking at tbe Bur witb tbe General, be bad confided to tbat gentleman that tbe ministry might have been a more congenial field. He also made a secret resolve to brush up on the sacraments. We may write it to tbe creditor iho District Attorney that be made no pretense of following tbe burial servioe over tbe body of poor One-eyed Jim. He spoke movingly of tbe increased uncertainty of life and tbe many accidents incident peculiarly to this new Western civilization. 'The gentleman who bas been tbe unwilling cause of this unfortunate fellow-cltizon's decease,' said the District Attorney, looking soberly around the solemn crowd, ana indicating the General, who stood at tbe head of the grave, hat in hand, with a woobegone expression, 'must, while regretting tbe necessity, thank God tbat no lower law than that universal law of self-preservation has—' At this instant to the astonishuiont of every one, tho General threw up bis bat with a shout of Joy and jumped into the grave. In a second he stood up witb bis head just above tbe surface, and called aloud to tbe amazed crowd, as be exhibited a balf-oanco nugget: 'Gentlemen, I ive notice that I take up this claim or sixty yards, two hundred feet each side, with all its dips, spurs, etc., according to tbe laws of the mining district or Brandy Fiat.'

Tbe body of poor One-eyed Jim was not burled tbat day, nor tho next, nor the next, for all Brandy Flat was wild with tearing up tbe ground of the now diggings and taking out the chunks of gold that have made the Flat famous. Tnen tbe disagreeable duty was done by tbo District Attorney and Mr. Finnegan at nigbt, lu ground that tbey made sure was not auriferous.

The marriage of Flunegau's was a lucky speculation for me, Mr. Brown says, when talking of '49, 'for, besides getting seven hundred dollars from tho bridegroom for my services, I had a quarrel with the rascally general. He wasn't as quick witb me as he had been with poor Jim, so I had the satisfaction of burying him besido the poor fellow two days after, and then I jumped his claim and made my fortune.'

RRVUPERA TING' A CAPE MA Y. Pittsburg Leader Letter.) Tbo pallid clerk who has worked himself to death, six hours every day, comes down here to recover his health and reconstruct bis underminefl constitution. He commences by taking a cocktail in bed, brought to him by tne ever laithful colored man. who owns everybody here. Tbe pallid clerk gets up alter the cocktail, and rings for a straight whisky, and getting tbat into birn be goes down to the bar and "takes something" previous to bis walk. After his walk he takes a whisky sour and gets bis boots blacked. Then be takes bis regular drink before breakfast, it is somewhat tedious to follow tbe pallid clerk all day, but after breakfast be begins to "build up" for dinner.

HOWKVER reduced tbe condition of tbe nervous system may be, it can be promptly toned and stimulated by ad-: ministering Hmolander's Bucbu, which Is also tbe most reliable remedy for kidney, bladder and glandular diseases, diabetes, gravel, youthful Indiscretions, female irregularities, as well as all maladies of tbe urino-genitai organs.

A Yof2*o fellow got off a smart thing tbe other day. It was a mustard piaster tbat be sat down on just before retiring for the night.

The Sfssple Eens«v

why* Hand Hspolio is the best artlclc In the world for the constant use of all cliwx* of people. Is because it will do what DO other substauce will, as follows:

MwaAsrics.—Will entirely remove far, paint, oil and varnish from tbe clothing and hands.

FASXKXS.—Its use will prevent tan, sun* burn, chapped bands. WOKXIHO WOM*!C.-It will take the place Of powders and cosmetics for beautifying the complexion, and will render the hand* white and soft, no matter how much they are used.

EVZBYBODT.—It is tbe best article in the world for removing all cutaneous blemishes from the skin, and rendering It white, beaoUfnl. and natural in color. In price cheaper titan soap—only 10 and cents a cake, according to sise.