Saturday Evening Mail, Volume 2, Number 47, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 18 May 1872 — Page 6

4i MY NEIGHBOR. BT OKRAI.D XASSER. "Love ihy Neighbor," we are (old, "Even at ThytelJ." That cretd 1 hold:

Bat love her more, a thousand fold! My lovely ne'gbbor oft we meet .In lonely lane or crowded street egt know Uie musieof her feet. ^\j

She little thinks how, on a day She most have missed her nsoal way, And waJted Into my heaij to,- aye. Or how the rustle of her dress Tlirills through me like a soft caress, '"With trembles of dallciotianess.

"Wee woman, with her smiling mien, 'And soul celestially serene. She me, tmconscloas Qaeen!

Her bee most Innoceatly good, Where shyly peeps the sweet ml blood, Jler form a nest of Womanhood! JJke Raleigh—for her dainty tread "When ways are miry—I could spread My cloak,- but there's my hea*-t instead

Ah Neighbor, yoa will never know Why 'tis my step is quickened so Nor what the prayer 1 murmur low.

I see yon 'mid yonr flowers at mora, Fresh as the rosebud newly born I marvel, can yon have a thorn? ,: If so 'twere sweet to lean one's breast Against It, and, the more it prest, Slug like the tfird that Pain hast btes.

You know not, dear, how dear yon oe All dearer for the secrecy Nothing and yet a world to me!

THE PROXY SAINT.

BY JOHN O. 8AXE.

Each for himself must do his Master's work, Or at his peril leave it all undone Witness the fate of one who sought to shl-k -The Santaary's service, yet would shun The penalty. A man of earthly alms (So runs the apologue), whose pious spouse Would oft remind him of the Church's claims,

Still answers thus, "Go thou ttici pay oar vows For thee and me!" Now, when at Peter's gate

The twain together had arrived last, He let the woman in then to her mate, Shutting the door, "Thou nast already ]as8t'd Byjr6zy," said the saint, "Just in the way

That thou on earth was woat to fast and pray!"

A Double Release.

I.

Tho course of true love ran smoothly with Di«k Severs and Isabel Lane, Shukspeare to the contrary notwithstanding, for nobody could*say it was not truo love.

It was in church that Dick ti'-st saw hor. A stray glance away f»*on the Rev. Mr. Newlight, while'fhat divine was expounding in a very lucid manner his peculiar theory of a physical future life, and he lost'right then and (here tho thread of the discourse and his heart at the same time. It was an exceedingly pretty face. Eyes a soft brown, hair of the same hue, nose and ohin delicate, a sweet mouth, and a charmingly piquant expression.

She was'simply though very becomingly altired in a closeiv fitting basquine, and this showed oft the trim little figure to excellent advantage. So did the charming little bonuet the lovely contour of the face, and the dainty kid glove the pretty hand it enveloped.

And why should not the church, I ask, where ladies sport—I beg the ladles' pardon—such loves of bonnets and things, and gentlemen look so nice in the blackest of broadcloth and whttest of linen, be the very place lit which to inspiro the gen lie weakness? I do not mean that young people should go to church for such a purpose. O no! But when there, it a young man endowed with a heart not quite as hard as stone, should happen to fall in love with as sweet a young lady as I have described, I do not think he has done the wickedest thing in the world, aud in the particular wise of Dick Severs, I don't see how he could help it.

The modest church attire and the devotional attitude ate indeed wonderfully becoming tosomestylesof women, but whether thoughts of so worldly a nature Intruded upon the reflections oi Inabol Lane, as she adjusted her bonnet strings on that fatal Sunday morning, snd lingered before the mirror perhaps three minute* longer than was absolutely necessary, ®m sure I cannot •ay.' If so, HS is not improbable. I am sure she did not take them with her be-

Jond

tho »acred aisle, for during the Iscourao hor eyes were constantly fixed u|»on the miivlster, and during the prayer they were reverently oast down.

I must not forget to mention, however. that our lovely devoteedisplayed, by the movement Just deecribed, a set or long, handsome oyelashes, and her orltlcR—of the female sex—would have said without doubt that she closed them on purpoee to show them oft. But tome persons are very hard to please, dare say that when"Miss Lane kept her eyas open, the same ones would have said it was for a purpose iust as unworthy, so hail she paid any attention to (ho remarks of such friends, ehe would not have felt at liberty eituer to •Hut hot eyes or open them. The truth in, MUM l»fte had beautiAil eyelashes, for which. If a sin, she certainly was not responsible, and they could no more help looking so than the stare oould kelp skiulng.

Ou the partlrolar morning referred to, I know that Miss Lane was entirely ignorant of the propkiquity ot the young gentleman, Mr. Severe, and serenely nconscious of the flery glances aimed a* her pew, and when the services were over, she walked oat of theohorch In a quiet and decorous maanor, iod wout to her plw# of abode*

Dick Severe walked el might to his place ofwbode also, but, being a yeu«g Juan or ardent temperament, he lost n« lime lu Stuliftg out tbe object of bia fascination, and *nore fortunate than their ITfustrtoos protoi vnes, Herrnia and I *y sander, they pssstHi through the courtship that followed without so much id ripple te ruffle the surface of the stream, and in l^^hso they wet* married.1 .' ..'7 I*.

But u£ltfSmb&y bo tw® Jtfc»ft«d to the sea, and because a oourtship is smooth. It Is nosute sign that a marriage will be. In doe time, therefore, that Indefatigable UtUe demon belonging to ih*~Jwt)*baid of the Goddess of Discord, whose particular province it is to lock after domestic infelicities, observing the harmonious state of tilings between this married pair, threw one of her apph« between them, aad they bad few words. At .first was not very •r rioiis, the apple of discord being nothing more than a little black-and-tan terrier, rib Ln*lguil!osnt ereat ure enough. The only trouble was that Dick bated the little ereaiure, and Isabel adarei him. Had it not been tor this dreumstaix*. be might bated him oor41 ally, with very good reason, tor

Dick

was not orar load of dogs, and this OM was not free from the disagreeable tricks «1I disagreeable pups •neb jumping op Into your face, pulling h& ^irty paws on yoa* olean toUes, barking at everybody,

forever under foot, and always getting lost. But Iaabel did adore him. She had, too, the disagreeable habit—at leaat, it was disagreeable to Dick—of talking to the little quadruped just aa though he were as noble ia reason, and apprehension aa much like a god, as Richard himself, which waa very annoying to the young husband, especially when his wife was too tirea to talk to him, and I am compelled to say that this was frequently the case. Not that Mrs. Severs did not love her husband and delight without doubt in his society, or that she had by any means supposed the little black-and-tan terrier was Dick's superior. But women are always doing unaccountable things, so that after they had been married a year or two, and had got to be quite an old story, it actually seemed sometimes as though she loved her dog better than she aid her husband.

One day the repeated neglect of some shirt-buttons, or else some other wifely direliction of a similar nature, had had the effect to put Richard in a mood that was not amiable, to say the least, and in an unguarded moment he expressed himself to his wile in a manner that comported with his mood. "I wish," said Dick, petulantly, "that you looked after my comfort a little, and did not devote yourself entirely to that cu»\"

Isabel did not reply to this little outburst, and Dick continued: "He is the first thing, the last thing, and the only thing, I believe, that you think of. You spend more hours talking to the brute than you do to me, and I am tired of hearing it. The other night when I came home with something to tell you about myselt, which I suppose must interest you, if you felt any interest at all in my -reifare, when I had finished, all you had to say was, •O, Dick, what do you think of nipping Jip's ears just a little bit!' The contemptible little cur!" said Dick, turning on his heels, "I detest him." "I know you—detest—him—" said Isabel, between her sobs, ''and I suppose it is because 1—1—I am so fond of him, but if Jip is a brute, I don't think he is more of one than you—you—are." And then the /oris lachryraarum broke through every barrier, and Dick broke out of the house.

It was their first qua vel, and as Dick walked out into »he cool, calm night, his angry feelings were assuaged, and when he came back to see bis wife, and saw her pretty eyes all glistening with tears, he actually confessed—te himself —that he was a "brute.

With Isabel it was a li'Me different. As soon as she heard the door close after her husband, she was all but ready to wail as loudly as Lord Ullin but as soon as he was back again she thought of what he had said. So instead of putting her arms around his neck to let him know that she had forgiven birnshe drew back upon her dign'ty, and had the best of the quarrel. iick went so far the next day as to pat Jip on the head, and he made up his miacf that in iuture, however uiucb he might dislike the animal, he would be sure to keep it to himself.

In two or three days the statu quo was fully restored. Isabel continued to lavish a good deal of affection and nonsense upon her dog, and a very considerable amount upon her husband at any rate, she looked very closely after his wants and wishes. Jip continued to be as much of nuisance as ever, and most likely Di~i£ continued to dislike him, though ii did he kept it to himself.

So as the little bark of this married pair drifted ou towaids its port, there was little danger of its splitting on so slight a rock as Jip. Nay, be could hardly be regarded in the light of even a skeleton in the connubiMl closet, since he no longer made any trouble between the two, and amused one as much as he annoyed another. He might with more propriety, perhaps, be compared as a donkey in Dick's cabbages, or to a bee in his bonnet, and something to be regretted, therefore, as far as Dick was concerned. .r ill.

Some months passed away, and Dick and Isabel were as happy, perhaps, as it is the lot of mortals to "oe, when lo! another rock appeared in sight, and this lime of more formidable appearance than the little black-and-tan terrier. It was a man wii magnificent eyes and superb moustache and this is how it happened.

Mrs. Severs h»d ag»*«ed to drive around on a certain auernoon to the house of one of her lady iriends, and real her to a drive. A« she was turning the cornerof the street, aod driving at prettv good speed, ou her way ih'ther, her horse took night

lsoe

HI

some object,

and ran away. Dick, who hanonaed at that moment to We looking out of the window, saw the catastrophe. He went down stairs at one bound, and arrived upon the scene just inline to see a handsome young army ollioer seisse the leokless horse by the bridle, at the moment when he would have dashed •round another corner, and without a doubt precipitated its fair driver upon the pavements below. •'Vou have saved my wife's life," cried Dick In a transport of gratitude.

As for Isabel, she was too terrified to speak, but she thanked ner deliverer with her eyes, to which the young officer readily replied in the same language. Indeed, he appreciated the situation. He had rescued from danger, it not from death, a beautilul young woman, and he had done it by bis bmvery and gallantry. He wss nothing short of a hero. •*I must take Mrs. Severs home," said Dick "but this is where we live," handing him card. "Call st my house not en-

—ootne this evening, if you are no gaged. I insist upon it.' The offloer promised io do so, they separated with a shake of the band which meant friendship.

and

When MtUor Lester wsssbown into the Severs parlor, chnrtuing room, brightly carpeted and upholstered, shotting in its many artistic appointments iba deft and 'fastidious hand of the presiding genius of the bouse, and yielding to the embrace O one of tbe •lost seductive of chairs, he was soon after chatting with two very agreeable people, one or them an uncommonly attractive wouma, be began to ibinL that be waa in l«ck when be encountered tbe runaway berse.

The three paMsed adelig itlulevvning together, aud, wbea ih- guest was gone. Dick and Isabel voted b*rn decidedly agreeable. Isabel thought he had magnificent eyes, and Dick though* be was uncommonly clever. "We must not forget skit we owe htm," said Dick,

Mbut

show him eve*-y

attention in our power, while remains here." And so it was bst M*i*»* L^sUr became frequent guest at be bouse of Richard Severs. Scarcely day passed that he was not tbani unless it bap. peoed loathe joined Mr. and Mrs. Severs somewhere else. Dick would euen bring him home, and often find him there wben he oame borne. He dined with them, rode with them, sang with them, and played cibba^e with tbem.

It was a capital arrangement for Les­

TKRKK-HAUTE SATURDAY EVENING MALL. MAY 18. 1872.

ter, tor he wss spending tbe summer at tbe plsce where the Severs lived, which wss, by the war, a plaoe of some resort for people ot leisure, snd until tbe runswsy norse gave him an opportunity for a sensstion, it wss getting intolersbly stupid for him.

And the Severses were equally pleased. Their circle of Mends in the

}ew

was small, indeed they had very intimate ones, snd there seemed to bes niche in their household into which the Major just fitted.

Sometimes Dick's engagement prevented him from accompanying bis wife to some evening entertainment to which she was bent on going, and on such occasions Major Lester would gallantly give his escort. He could not be excelled In deeds of gallantry, particularly where Mrs. Severs was concerned but as Dick always joined them before the evening was*over, these occasions hardly afforded material for the mos valuaDle gossip to prate about.

But it was at the p'aao where the Major was oflene^t seen, though still by the side of Mrs. Severs. Musio was Isabel's passion, and Dick had no talent fer it whatever. .Lester, on the contrary, had a fine voice, a cultivated ear, could ay well on some instruments, and understood difficult music. Indeed, his musical genius had won for him a reputation for cleverness, and had rendered him an acquisitioj to society.

So at the piano Lester and Isabel met almost every evening and discoursed sweet sounds. Lester's voice was a high and pure tenor it harmonized with Isabel's, and the two made delightful melody. They had music from the Italian operas and German masterpieces they had vocal duets and piano solos, and sometimes Lester accompanied the piano with the violin or guitar. Tnese occasions afforded Dick as much pleasure apparently, as Lester sod Isabel, for, although not musical himself, he was fond of it, and then he IKed to have some one besides himself to admire his wife's performances.

Bui there is a point you know, beyond which, etc., and after these^ delightful liUla soireeB, as they facetiously called them, had been repeated a great many timef», and Diek did not know but that, lilre Tennyson's brook, they would go oti forever, they be^an to pull upon him A little and what was more unpleasant than all tue test, he actually began to entertain a feeling of dislike for Lester. Lester was lust as bland as ever, and just as clever, aud just as agreeable, and Dick played cribbage witn him just the same every night but notwithstanding all that, aa unaccountable feeling of dislike began to creep over him, and after he once began to-entertain the feeling, it was in vain that he tried to free himself from it.

He did not communicate the sentiment to Isabel, because he knew too well that she did not share it. But he locked it up in his own bosom, which was not likelv to improve matters, since a smouldering fire is more disast/ous iu its effects tnan an open one. And so it was, that in one month's time from the day that the army officer was first made welcome at the house of Dick Severs, he was anything but welcome so far as Dick was concerned, and Dick was anything but the happy man he was one month before.

To the reader it might appear that Dick's reticence on the subject indicated jealousy, but that was something he would not admit even to himself. Any person, however who had seen Mrs. Severs and Major Lester much together, and who was at all skilled in the diagnosis of the tender passion, would have said that Major Lester was in love with Mrs. Severs. And I am not sure that he would not go still further and say that Loster had declared b'a loye. For although not a word had ever passed his lips that could have given offense to either the lady or her husband, yet he had more than once said with his eyes, "I love you."

I will not pretend to say that s. Sever* was aware of it. Perhaps she did not understand ihe language. I am sure she would not have admitted it even to herself. Would not such an admission have ended forever those delightful interviews? Who bui Major Lester could sing with her "Mira bianaca lunaf"—who could follow, with bis sympathetic appreciation, the the tender and beautitul passages in tbe "Moonlighi Sonata or who else cou'd help her to understand the grand yet simple music of Bach And then he was so gallant, so handsome and so brave. (Jould she ever forget how be saved her In that moment of peill? And could she not with Impunity accept the admiration of such a hero, if he committed himself only through his eyes? It was too delicious to resist.

It could not be expected that things would go on In this way forever, and Major Lester at last reached that point in his affairs beyond which, if forbearance was still a virtue, it was uo longer possible.

It was in the afternoon, and Lester called, bringing with him some now music. It was difficult, and, as Isabel, could not easily render it, Lester leaned ovfer ihe instrument to assist her. The two remained in this position for a moment, when she turned toward him. Their gase met, and a look into wb*ch ne poured his whole soul shot from his eyes. There was no chance to mistake it. A deep blush overspread her face, and at the same instant her husband, who had approached unobserved, entered tbe room. He and Lester exchanged chilly greetings, and after little const.ained conversation, the Major took his leave. l'he remainder of the day was spent in manner highly unsatisfactory, I imagine, to both. Isabel was silent snd distraite. She did not even vouchsafe to Jip a single caress and the state of Dick's feelings would be difficult lo describe. He held a newspaper before him, and wondered il Isabel rereally cared too much for the darkeyed officer. Was the blush that was on her cheek when be oame so unexpectedly that afternoon an evidence of guiit He loved his wife truly snd he trusted her, but Major Lester yas a dangerous man. Should he speak to her, should he fight Lester, or should be let things take their course T"

The next morning Dick brd business out of town, which he told his wife would occupy him through tbe day. So directly after breakfast be walked down to tbe station.

The tender good bye which was customary at parting between this devoted pair, did not take place tLat morning on account of their both being a little out of sorts snd when Dick arrived at his destination he wss more out of sorts than ever. Tbe consequence was that instead of stopping te transsct business, be turned right about and took ihe next train for home.

Whether or not he wss suspicious of an assignation between Lester and his srife, and came back to checkmate tbem, I, not being acquainted with all the motives of that gentleman's conduct, cannot say. But certain it ia that stepping from the car be turned up tbe street leading to his bouse, sod notwithstanding what he told his wife in

the morning in reference to bis return, he would doubtless have presented himself there at onoe, had it not been for a little adventure.

When within a abort distanoe of his honse, he wss met by a boy who in-

aBvers

uired if he oould tell him where Mr. lived. Yes," said he "whom do you wish to see

41

The lady," replied the boy. "I have got a letter for her." ,. Ah!" exclaimed our benedict, all attention. "I am goirg right there, and will deliver it myself, you can tell the gentleman," taking the letter into his nand and glancing at the superscription, "that you delivered it safe into the lady's hands.

It may be that he intended to9 but before doing so he certainly walked down to the -office—and that was not all he did. He coolly broke the letter open, and attentively perused the contents. I am inclined to think, however that he tasted the folly of wisdom, for as he read he turned pale, and seemed to be in great distress. It was half an hour before he recovered his calmness. He then very carefully resealed the letter, and, apparently in accordance with his promise to the hpy» dispatched it by another messenger to his wife. But whether safe or not after he had rifled it of its contents, is a question I will leave the reader to decide.

Tne letter was from Lester, as the reader is doubtless aware, and intended lor the eye of Mrs. Severs alone, but alone, but we have seen how the design was frustrated, so the whole world may as well know what it contained.

During his intimacy with this family Major Lester bad been studiously guarded in his uufner and language towards Mrs. Severs, but now that the ice was broken, he laid aside all reserve and boldly declared his love. He informed her that he had long observed that there was no real union between herself and her husband, and actually besought her to permit him t? occupy the place so unworthily filled by another. "I believe," said he, "that Providence designed us for each other and that He will finally remove every obstacle to our union. Promise me that, in that event you will be mine, and I will ask for nothing more."

It was a couple of hours after Dick dispatched this letter before ho went home, and how he spent the intervening period I do not know. Part of the time, however he was locked up in his office, from which he emerged looking still pale and agitated.

His wife who was reclining upon a sofa with a face as pale as bis own, saw him as he entered the house. She sprang up to meet him crying: "Oh, Dick, I am so glad you've come —but what is tbe matter? How pale you look! O, what is the matter Has anything happened?"

Her arms were around his neck by this time, and the questions, followed bv demonstrations of endearment, came so fast that it was some minutes before be got a chance to tell her that he had come back on account of an ill turn.

No one who saw his haggard face as he came into the room wonld have disputed him, but now his old looks had all come back as if by magic, and he was apparently in the very highest of spirits.

The doctor tells me," said he with the greatest hilarity, "that I have the heart disease."

Isabel shrieked, but he continued relentlesslv Major Lester tells me he has had the same symptoms, and he has given me a remedy which he says is a certain cure," taking a vial from his vest pocket.

Upon this, Isabel shrieked again, threw herself upon his neck, and begged him in the wildest manner, never to take a drop of it.

What do you mean said Dick. "Of course I shall take it where is a teaspoon

If you love your wife, never put a drop of it to your lips. I conjure you, I bag of you do not do it." "This is all nonsense, Isabel. If you don't tell me the reason whv you don't wish me to taiie it,

most

certainly shall

I take it." And he took a teaspoon from tbo tsblo I will tell you, then'" she cried. "I believe it is poison."

Poison What do you mean Isabel? Are you insane "I don't dare to tell you what I mean but I believe it is poison."

And she fell to weeping in the most piteous manner. Why should you suppose that Major Lester wishes to poison me? That is simply absurd. You are doing him a terrible injustice. I shall have lo take it to prove that you are laboring under a hallucination."

No! no! no!" she cried, seizing tbe vial. "Well, then I mnst proye it in some other way. It is a terrible ihhig that you accuse the Major of. Whicn shall I do, take it myself, or give Jip a dose "Give it to Jip," she cried, running to get his food. "I don't ca/e If it does kill him, If you only won't take it yourself."

Jip's dinner was brought, and after receiving the contents of the via^ it was

Kalf

laced before him. He ate of it, aud in an hour was stone dead. This event did not even surprise Dick so mrsh as one would have expected as for Isabel, she was so much taken up with her nusband, tail sne found no lime to la.nont over her dog.

After a few sweet preliminaries, which It will be hardly worth while to waste upon unromantic readers, Isabel confessed with many blushes, that she bad received a letter from Major Lester, at which, of course. Dick was very much astonished. That she should have shown it to him, only she was ashamed to have him see it—Dick looked a» innocent ss a lamb. Then be said something iu the letter about Providence removing the only obstacle to their uoion. And here Die Interrupted tbe narrative with burst of laughter, which was, I think entirely out of plaoe in tbe discussslon of so serious matter.

I have sent no answer back," said Isabel "but if be should now come bete—"

Before she bad time to tell what she would do, Major Lester was announced. "8bow him in,r said Isabel, her eyes flashing fire.

Lester entered with a confident air, but, upon seeing Severs, nis embarrassment was complete. One glance at Isabel suowed bim that he bad made a mistake, aud be left wUb so much precipitation that there waa no time for explanations. Dick called on him next morning but be had tbe satisfaction to find bat be bad left tbe place.

I believe the Severses removed to another town before many months, and U-eir aew home was piessanter than tbeir old one io many re*pecla. )t wss a more social place, and they soon formed au agreeable circle of friends aod acquaintances.

Dick told 'Isabel that she oould bave auotber terrier, bat sbo declared she

did not want one and I don't think she will be likely io at present, ss it is only a short time since saw her caressing something wrapt in white flannel, which was^in my way of thinking a much more attractive pet, and which looked aa much like Dick Severs sh a baby two months old oould be expected ts. As for Isabel, she was more ohsrming than ever.

Diok never made any revelations about the vial, but ss he was so retioe.it upon the subject that I had my suspicions where it came from, and I suppose the reader has his. If correct of course Ldhter had nothing to do with it, while by its means Severs got rid of two evils, the only ones that ever disturbed his married life.

THE HORRORS OF CASTOlt OIL. With all our vaunted discoveries we have never been able to produce »an ag-eeable article of castor oil or a specific for seasickness. Breathes there a man with soul so dead that he does not recollect the castor-oiUng which his poor machine used to undergo at stated periods of his youth. To castor oil a child of two to seven years of age requi es three or four strong women, a spoon, a magnum bottle of the fluid, a lump of sugar, a towel, a jumping-jack and a seraphic temper. The first motion is to endeavor to ring in tne medicine en the unsuspecting babe thinly disguised in mils. This manoeuvre failing, you parley with the enemy and atlemptto corrupt its infantile integrity with bribes of its pa's gold watch, imperial revenues of small (mange, and Hesperidfes of small oranges. After having tempted it thrice to put the spoon of Tantalus to its lips, it refuses point blank to touch the nasty thing. Thereupon your surcharged indignation finds vent' in corporeal chastisement of tbe rebellious infant. It howls. Peace being restored, you bring up reinforcements, and strategy and diplomacy having failed, determine to accept nothing but unconditional surrender, and prepare to march at once upon theenemy's works. A grand combined attack is made. The left wing firmly holds the child's hands, the right wing pinches its nose so as to compel it to open its mouth, into which the oentre pours a deadly fire f» em the spoon. Meanwhile the reserve holds up a lump of sugar, commlseratelv saying, "poor 'ittti tootsy pootsy, was it nassy hiedicy, eh?" and keeps the towel ready. The baby yells and chokes, the young mother, afraid of killing it, lets go of its nose, the infant, catering breath, discharges the whole dose upon her, and ruins all the front breadths of her black silk, aud follows up its advantage by so heart-broken a yell that the attacking party surrenders at discretion, and calls it poor, injured, "inamsie's1- own tootsens, and it won't take any more nassy castor oil, if it don't want to.'* A treatv of peace is then ratified, whereby tbe infant is ceded immunity from castor oil, and an ample indemnity in lollipops, and then the young mother ente,rs into a war with the infant's grandmother, who vigorously reprehends the weakness exhibited in dealing with children nowadays. People have tried all sorts of expedients. Taken it in milk. In soda water. From a hot spoon. Every way. But no later Franklin has ever been able to overcome and annihilate the nastlness of taking castor oil. It has a sluggish, cold, aperient look about it, like an ill-omened pool in a deadly swamp. It uncoils itself itself in to the fatal spoon like a boiled rattlesnake. It tastes like molten graveyards, and one's gorge rises at it as if it were one of Mrs. Woodhull's lectures. But the feeling, when it has been achieved, is that ones inside is full of earth-worms and cork-

METHODIST MINISTERS SHORT LIVED. A writer in one of tbe Methodist papers offers statistics to show that ministers of this denomination do not hverage as long a life as those of other Protestant bodies. The average life of the ministers of all denominations is bol ween sixty-five and sixty-six years that of the Metho.llst is twenty-threcf per cent, below this. Aggregating the Methodist ministers, who constitute one-fourth of the entire clerical body, the avenige of the rest will be raised lo sixty-eight years, a figure which, compared with the fifty years of the Methodists, shows a disparity that must command attention. The Methodist, commenting upon these statistics, does not question the accuracy of the conclusion to which they point. It adds this explanation: "Our preachers do die prematurely— not from doing too much, but from attempting to do too much at one time. Taking the whole year together, we do not think that our pastors are overworked. In the winter, however, they hold meetings which last for thirty, sixty or even ninety consecutive evenings, Saturdays, perhaps, excepted. Flesh and blood cannot endure such a strain. We are confident that this is the chief cause of the broken health and premature death of many Methodist ministers."

PLEASURE TRA VELLINO IN CALIFORNIA. Certainly in no part of the continent is pleasure travelling so exquisite and unalloyed a pleasure as in California. Not only are the sights grand, wonderful and surprising in the highest degree, but the climate is exhileratlng ana favorable to an active life the weather is so certain that you need not lose a day, and may lay out your whole tour in tbe Stale without reference to rainy days, unless it is in the rainy sesson the roads are surprisingly good, the country inns are clean, the beds good, the food abundant ana almost always well cooked, and tbe charge moderate and the journey by rail from New York to San Francisco, which costs no more than the steamer fare to London, and is shorter /ban a voyage across tbe Atlantic, is in itself delightful ss well as instructive. Probsbly twenty American go to Europe for one who goes to California yet no American wno has not seen tbe plsins, the Rocky Mountains. the Great Salt Lake, and tbe wonaers of California, can honestly say that be has seen his own country, or that he even has an intelligent idea of its greatness.

NOT TFFAT KIHD or AJ* EXAMII*ATioit.—Iu Denver a few days ago, two young l&diee, victims of & mistake, supped Into tbe office of a young insurance agent and told him tbey would like to be examined. The gentleman was slightly embarrassed, but told tbem ss politely as he could that the examining physicisn wss in tbe next room and after that be would be happy to make out tbeir policies. There was some blushing and stammering, and the girls left in short order, after giving him to understand tbey wanted to teach school and thought he was tbe superintendent who would test their proficiency.

FALU friends are like oar shadows, keeping dose to as while we walk in the sunshine, hut leaving as the ihstant we cross lotto the sbadet

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To DRIVB RATS AWAY*—Fill the ratholes with new slscked lime repeat it it a second time it necessary. If affects them in such a manner that they soon leave, very seldom requiring a repetion of the dose.'

To BLKACH COTTON CLOTH.—Take one large spoonful of sal-soda, one pound of chloride of lime, for thirty yards dissolve in clean soft water, in order that the cloth may not rot. The above amount may be whitened in fifteen or twenty minutes.

WHITENING FLAXNKL.—Immerse the flannel for an hour in a dilute solution of acid sulphate of soda, and then stir in a dilute ot hydrochloric acid in the proportion of one part of acid to fifty of water. The vessel is then to be covered over and allowed to remain for a quarter of an hour, when tbe articles are to be removed and thoroughly washed.

WASHING MADE EASY.—Dissolve half a pound of sal-soda, and the same quantity of hard soap, in half a gallon of boiling water, each separately. Pour a little boiling water over a quarter of a pound of quicklime. If quick, it will bubble when the water is applied. Boil the dissolved lime and soda together for twenty minutes, and then put all into ajar to settle.

SIMPLE BUTTER COOLER.—A simple mode of keeping butter in warm weather, where ice is not handy, is to invert a common flower pot over the butter, with some water in the dish in nioh the butter is laid. The orifice at the bottom may be corked or not. The porousness of the earthenware will keep the butter cool.

MACAROONS.—Blanch three quarte. of a pound ot sweet almonds and the same of bitter almonds, beat them veiy fine, then add one pound and a half of white sugar, the whites of six eggs beaten to a froth. Mix all well together and drop on paper, and bake in a slow oven. Of course the paper -Is to be on tin sheets.

COCOANUT PUDDING.—Mix a grated cocoanut with half a pound of melted butter, beat up six eggs, leaving one half the whites, then one gratecl nu meg. Let all be well mixed. The dis* to be lined with pie-crust of the following proportions: One pound of flour, three quarters of a pound of butter, and-half a pint of milk or water.

To CLEAN TIN COVERS.—Mix a little of the finest powdered whiting with the least»drop of sweet oil. rub tn$ covets well with it and wipe them olean: then dust over them some dry whitening in a muslin bag, and rub orlght with a dry leather. This last is to prevent rust, which the cook must guard against by wiping them dry and putting them by the fire when they come from the room, for if hung up on damp, the Inside will rust.

PEOPLE WHO^LA THE PIANO. Most young ladies play the piano e* an accomplishment. A girl's education is as much based on the piano forte as a boy's is on the Latin grammar, and too often with similar results. A

without musical tastes objects to tozart as a boy without a classical turn hates Caesar. By all means let everv gijl begin by learning the piano. Sucli a chance for gaining a svmpathtic companion for life shoula not be thrown away. Even to the unmusical girl it is valuable as a training, and to the musical girl it is value beyond price. But if a person is not musical, piano-forte instruction, aiter a certain point Is only waste of time. As'a general rule musical talent develops early, or not at all. Why snould not the girl try drawing or painting, or literary composition Why should the money be spent on her music, when she has, perhaps, show a some other gift? Many a girl, with real lltterary or artistic taste, has achieved excellence in nothing because her energise have been concentrated upon tbe piano, which she will never be able to play, or upon songs which are just as well left unsung. How many there are who would fain I spared the humiliation of exposing their weak points! Tho piano is a scource of trouble to tbem and their friends. They cry over their music lessons, their friends groan over the result, and it is difficult to say which is the worst off—the professor who has to teaeh, tho pupil who has to learn, or the people wno have to listen, ttv* the cause of music suffers most of all.,..

CHEMICAL STUDY OF A CIOAR. Mr. Nichols, in bis new book, "Fir. side Science," says there is evidently a design in tbe marvelous adjustment of the chemical atons which give to the tobacco leaf its singular properties. It is unlike anything else which the vegetable kingdom Is capable of producing. Mankind cannot be persuaded to roll up leaves of any other plant and srnoke tnem as they do tobacco. Neither chemist nor physicians are able to point any very useful purpose to which tho plant can be applied. The former may go to it for a supply of the peculiar aikaloidal principle, nicotine, but tK« substanee is only useful in destroying troublesome insects and animals. A cheaper and equally potent poison is found in the nuxvomica,strychnine. In medicine it serves no useful end not obtainable through other agents. It must be admitted that there are many vegetable productions which, so far as our knowledge extends, are valueless, of which neither contribute to the sustenance of life nor avert disease, nor add, in any way, to oui well being and happiness. Tobacco, perhaps should not be ranked with tnem for, while it is in no respect essential to existence it does seem to add to the happiness of a large portion of mankind. Fig) against as we may,brand it as a poisor as certainly we must, still the smoke of a million cigars will curl up every day, and the expectorating crowd of chewers will continue to soil our carpets and render our railway cars and hotels almost unendurable.

No JUROR.—In one of the United States Courts a short time ago, tbe Marshall was calling tbe list for tbe purpose of empanneliing a jury, am' the work was going bravely on, whe». in answer to a name, a somewhat shabby genteel individual put in an appearance, and in a very mild and self-depre-catory manner, feebly asked to be excused. The judge a very pompous and dignified gentleman, first looked astonished, and then, in a deep, rebuking voice, sternly said, "Excused, sir! excused on what ground V'

The iuror, that was not to be, cast'^ a helpless look around with a faint a tempt at a smile, replied: "I—I—ba a the itch, sir." "The itch, sir, the itch? Tbe deuce you have," said his Honor, at tbe same time rising in bis magisterial dignity.- "The itch, sir! Mr. Marshall turning to that functional y, "Mr. Marshal, scratch that manofi." The Marshal fainted, the court went into convulsions, and the joror left.— [N. 0. Times. $*-