Saturday Evening Mail, Volume 2, Number 47, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 18 May 1872 — Page 1

Vol. 2. No. 47.

THE MAIL.

Office, 142 Main Street.

Town-Talk.

THE FUHJtY WUWASCB,

or the man who is a nuisance because he thinks be is funny, and Is always trying to be funny, is the speoial, the supreme, the pet abomination of T. T. Every community is afflicted with such. Many miles of squares T. T. has walked in dodging these. But the dodge will not always work. Passing along Main street the other day T. T. saw one of these abominations Just ahead, and attempted, at a quick pace, to shoot by in safety. Just as he was rushing by with a polite, but hurried good morning^the nuisance fastened itself—himseli upon the arm of T. T. There was no help for It, but to walk with outward smiles and inward curses, at least three blocks, listening, or pretending to listen to a pointless, stale old story, told by a grunting, snickering, well-meaning, but. senseless old—gentleman Talk of Job's boils,—talk of that new book on hell,—but don't mention in comparison the torture inflicted by such a fellow.

At the party last winter, just as T. T. was getting into au animated little discussion with a faclnating woman, a witty woman, a married woman, on same that smirking old bore with a faco beaming all over with the consciousness that he had some thing dreadfully funny to tell. With a grunt intended for a chuckle, he made the attack. "Did you ever hear that story about "Yes, yes," Interrupted T. T., "half a dozen times." "Then you just listen while I tell Mrs. and that will make seven times. This joke was delivered with the grunting chuckle which seemed to say "Ain't I au awfully funny fellow?" Awfnlly funny he was to Mrs. and T. T. From the pleasant, gossipy, witty battle of words with such a fair opponent as Mrs. to listening to the funny man, was passage from paradise to purgatory. T. T. sighed for some friends to deliver hiui from fork of this old fiend. Hut It was no uso. Once he gets that fork Into a fellow, It don't come out till ho can stick It Into somebody else.

T. T. followed the crowd to hear some npoechos. But the funny man was there, and ro-talled his old |okes. No matter whether the story had anything to do with the object of the meeting, it must bo told. People laughed, and the funny man laughed must heartily of all. Ho would have laughed Just the same if he could have heard tho people saying to one another, "What an ass he alw»3*s makes of himself." Nothing spoils his enjoyment of his own jokes.

We havo in Terre Ilaute a fair share of abominable things, such as loud smelling oil wells, fragrant pig pens, dirty alloys, marauding cows, smallpox, Bigblows, and burglars, but of all things hated and feared by the sensible people with whom T. T. mingles, the worst hated and the most feared is the man who thinks hlmsolf funny. Let the nuisance be abated.

Whonever things go wrong people must growl at somebody. So in these days of oxcltoment on the subject of burglars, T. T. hears some

OHOWLS ABOUT POL1CRMK??. At the breakfast table where T. T. takes his uiorning steak and coffee there is a mixed multitude, and as the details of the last night's exploits are completed, there starts at the head of the table the question, "Where are the twUccmen The left hand side of the tablo echoes, "Where are the policemen From the foot of the table there wakes the echo Where are the policemen T" Then starts the answer, "They are in some saloon." "You will And plenty of them lounging about some corner." As I went down street to-day three were standing together on the corner of Sixth and Main, and as I came back half an hour later, the trio had moveti up to the corner of Fifth and Main." The professor—we have one at our table—speaks up and says, "For several years I have been accustomed very frequently to oome In on the night traiua, and on my way bom* 1 never yet met a policeman." That reminded T. T. that, in wandering about tho city at all hours of night, he never yet met a police man north of Cherry atroet or sooth of Ohio. These growls at our breakfast table may be all unjust. Probably, or, at all events, possibly the police are doinir tbelr level bmt to oatch tbe robbers. But it would stop more growl! (Ban "ytu can ahake a stick at," If they could only be successful In catching one or two specimens of these visitor*. Besides, now that T. T. is on the sutyect, be would giv« a bint to the efflwt that mass meet logs of tbe police at saloons are found fruit with by some grumblers. One •Id fellow, no matter who, said be "liked butter and polio* beet when spread thin—not in lumps, you know." Of course be wss a fussy old bead. But be has In flue nee and there are a

"heap" Just like him. Just nab one of these "imps of darknees," and give McKeen back his watch—no matter about the money—and it will be al all right again. Just do this little favor and we will all sing the praises of our efficient police system, and your "white boys In blue." Hurry up the cakes," If perfectly convenient.

But we have) DAYLIGHT ROBBERS as well as those who do their work in darkness. As T. T. was passing a fine house on Sixth street, a cow came along, looked over the fence and seemed to say "I want that grass and I will help myself." Gently she passed to the gate, gently she passed the tip of her horn through the lattice-work and lifted the hook out of the staple, then raised the patent fastener, opened the gate and marched in. She was tender of foot and she marched on the flower bods. Her head Itched and so she scratched it gently in an evergreen, a beautiful little cherry tree, and two or three dwarf pears. She then fed contentedly.

T. T. did hope tliat animals fiad soul?, or that cow bad one, that it might test the doctrine of universal salvation and find it false. The only thing T. T. could think of meaner than that cow, was the man that owned it, and deliberately let It run the streets. If T. T. ever gets Into the lofty posltiojn of an owner of real estate, and if he has on said estate a tree, and il one of these knowing cows enters the sacred precinct, and destroys said tree, he hereby vows that he will open for her the gate to purgatory and send her owner^to hunt her up. 7^

-The Lock Box.

:-hi

[Under tills head we will publish short communications on matters of local Interest, from the people. AU are Invited to contribute. Letters, flints, and suggestions may be left at this office or dropped In the Postofflce, addressed to The Mall.]

PUBLIC AMUSEMENTS.

"A good audience greeted Janauscnek last night. The house should bo packed to-night to hearherin "Chesney Wold." —[Express of Tuesday.

And so it would have been, but for the extravagant and unreasonable prices charged for admission. One dollar and fifty cents cannot and should not pack our beautiful Opera House with an audience. It is more than our people can afford to pay, and they should not be subjected to the Imposition. Had Janauschek's agent put the price of her tickets at one dollar, then indeed would there boon a packed house. But while there are plenty of our citizens who would be willing and glad to patronize this actress'of most unquestioned merit, at a reasonable price, they are unwilling and will not submit to what is but little if anything less than aspecierf of extortion.

These remarks are just as true with reference to other "stars" as to Janauschek. Tho reason why they fail to "pack" houses is because they put their prices so high that people oannot afford to go. Let them reduce their charges of admission to reasonable and proper figures, and they will find that they will have far better audiences and realise quite as much money from their performances. I hope the press will have independence and manliness enough to speak out on this subject, as it is certainly one that needs attention. What does the Mail say to setting the example? [The Mall fully endorses the above. It has been but a few weeks since we wrote and published an article of the same tenor.]

Thoughts pent up want air, and spoil like bales unopened to the sun." Readers who are troubled with "ideas" which they think will interest or benefit the other readers of The Mall, are invited to forward them for "ventilation" through our "Lock-Box."

Amusement Notes.

Lovers of true dramatic art had an enjoyable treat In tbe second visit of Janauscbek on Monday and Tuesday evenings last. Tbe best performance was that of Monday evening, when the historical drama, introducing the sad fete of unfortunate Mary Stuart was presented. To our mind It is one of tbe most powerful and thrilling impersonation that has ever been presented on the Opera House stage. Janauschek's magnificent, stately prwer.ee, dignified bearing and volee to thoroughly trained unite to make a pieture of a Queen as perfect as it can be.

Next Friday evening tbe ever popular DuprettC Benedict's mlnstroU return to the Open* Mowo tor one evening. There Is dbtfxnpany of tftgro minstrels dbw traveling that Is more complete or gives mor* satisfaction than this organisation. On the occa* •Ion of their reoenft vfc# to this city, they gave tbe HveMfest satisfaction, and they will receive a cordial welcome on their return next Friday owning.

A Rip Van Winkle dramatic troape Is organising in Indianapolis, who are to travel through the eouUv giving exhibitions B«kr cunv.

People and Things.

Brignoll is determined henceforth to have two thousand,, dollars a month or stop singing.

A fastidious old Turk recently paid 1200,000 for a Circassian girl in the Constantinople slave market.

A carbonic acid slaughter-house, for the painless destruction of animals, is kind-hearted Bergh's latest idea.

Rev. William Sutherland, D. D., Presbyterian minister at Qrand Rapids, Michigan, has become a Unlversallst.

A genius by tho name of Brace has Invented a machine to drive hens out of a garden, and asks a patent there-, for. I ».

Andy Johnson's claim against the Treasury of the United States for income tax, paid while he was president, is $4,694 65-

The responsible editor of a newspaper is tbe man who never sees any articles until the public has found fault with them. 1

The Chicago Times thinks Mr. Greeley, if made President, would devote his first year's salary to young men going West.

H. G. says the doughnut crop will be short this'year the severe cold weather in March having Injured the fruit buds on the dough trees.

To be truly happy—Part your hair in the middle behind, and as you move along puff your cigar-smoke into the countenance of the inoffensive passerby.

The ministers of Lancaster City, Pennsylvania, have agreed that except In cases of the clearest necessity, they will not attend a funeral service on Sunday. ^,

John S. C. Abbott used to say a short prayer for guidance aright ere he wrote a chapter of his "Life of Napoleon,' which is a striking argument against tbe efficacy of prayer.

A California lunatic fancies that he Is tbe original Abraham. Recently he carried a sheep to one of the highest hills near San Francisco and sacrificed it on the altar of stones and earth.

A Detroiter has inyented a machine which trims wall paper, holds It up against the wall, puts on the paste, and smooths down tho strips and does tbe work nicer and faster than three men.

Garibaldi is said to show his years sadly,. He can only walk by tho aid of crutches, and his hands are drawn together by rheumatism. With all these Infirmities he is cheerful and bopeful.

M. L. Sulllvant, the Ford oounty, Illinois, farmer, will employ one hundred and seventy-five men on his farm, all of whom must be unmarried, sober and industrious. He will plant 20,000 acres of corn. jf

A Detroit man turned up at Salt Lake City the other day, asking about some mining stock in which he had invested several years ago, and was slightly surprised to find it worth two million dollars.

Several veiy proper physicist^ of St. Paul refused to assist Dr. Hydeman to sew up the throat of a would-be suicide who was bleeding to death, because Dr. H. was guilty of the heinous sin of advertising.

Bishop McQuaid, of Rochester, New York, announced in the Cathedral that, hereafter the priests In his Jurisdiction shall not be permitted In faneral discourses to pronounoe any eulogy on the deceased.

The American Medical ^Association, at Philadelphia, passed a resolution against the contract system. Doctors who take yearly contracts to physic a family for a stated sum are to be classified as Irregular practitioners.

Weston, the celebrated walker, recently made application in an Iowa court for a divorce from his wife. But the lady was on hand with an answer to his bill, and Weston renewed his suit, adding another to the list of his many failures."

On one of tbe islands in Sfew York harbor there is an old lunatic who has been for years engagen in building a fort, and firmly believes that he is Governor.- His whimseys are humored by the authorities, and visitors pay him due deference.

Professor Blot 1* of the opinion that woman's specialty ia not In the cooking line. He says that tbe difference between female oooka in this oeuntry and those In Europe, has always ponied him. "For instance, the female cook In England excels In system in France In small savory dishes In G«rmanyfln making everything go as fer as ponrible but her*, am sorry to say, she exoels In nothing *ve in wasting. Wasting Is carried on so flur and so extensively In American kitchens.that it will soon be a common science." If he would ooneider for a moment the ntter laok of training of marriageable girls In tbe art of cooking in this country, and the predominance of Urfprovideo oooka. ne mystery would 900a be solved.

Petroleum V. Naaby, It is said,makes |44,000 per annum by lecturing and by his notable letters. Mark Twain made $150,000 from his "Innocents Abroad," and expects $200,000 from "Roughing It." It is well worth the while to be verdant and to haye been rough at those figures.

To every man there are many, rnanjf dark hours—when he feels inclined to abandon his best enterprises hours when he feels unequal to the burden when all his aspirations seem worthless. But let no one think that he alone has dark hours. They are touchstones to try whether we are current coin or not.

Because no murderer has been hanged in Chicago for some years, and because Mr. Gregori Peri is a murderer and impecunious, Mr. Peri is to be hanged. Mr. P. smilingly accepts kis fate, knowing that the next murderer will be sure to escape, one dangling corpse being quite sufficient to satisfy the cravings of the most bloodthirsty of Christian communities.

The most estimable convict of whom we have heard for some time is one Andrew Johnson, an inmate of the Nevada State Prison. He subscribes for the principal newspaper in the State, and having no money he carved a very handsome watch-box of stone and sent It to the editor to pay for the paper until he gets out of prison, when he promises to pay in gold coin with interest. Such convicts are scarce. The principal drawback about this one is his am —r Xit'

Fashion Chit-Chat.

Now York belles promenade with their parasols hitched to their belt.

Night-weddings are all the fashion at Paris now, and it is a correct thing to assume tbe bonds at tbe stroke of midnight. "Come into tho Varden, Maud," is the way in which musical mammas urge their daughters to try on their new calico dresses.—[Chicago Post.

The New York Mail states that fleshcolored stockings are "all the go," and that the old style garters have been superseded by stocking suspenders.

Cameo jewelry is a leading style this season. Black and white onyx is a favorite stone for this purpose, but every kind and color is used. The setting is usually dull yellow gold, ornamented with leaves of red and green

The latest thing in spring hats for young ladies is to have the rim so bent and crumpled as to be strongly suggestive of a late supper, an over portion of champagne, and a lively little tussle In a carriage the night before. Jaunty, but not judicious.

Of the popularity 0/ bows Tt seems almost superfluous to speak, they are so alarmingly prevalent upon every*suit with the least pretensions to elegance. Bows down the front of tbe polonaise, at the looplngs of the oversklrt, upon the sleeves, and also upon the shoulders, are much In vogue.

Victoria! The authoritative mandate has at last been promulgated, and trailing dresses on the streets are declared positively vulgar, while those that just touch are not the thing at all. All the spring costumes sent over from Paris are made short enough to clear the ground. Take a reef in your skirts, demoiselles. «,:

Anew style of dress is announced, when wearing which the ladies will be required to "wear their mouths slightly open." Now, this oan not be done In this city, out of doors, while the streets are so dirty as at present indoors, Jones says, the women's mouths are always open, so that the fashion will be nothing new.—[Exchange.

Tbe bonnets, which are the precise mode of 1880, have this season two advantages oombined, as they serve either for round bats or for bonnets. The hat placed upon the top of the bead, and having the strings tied behind, beoomes around hat the same little millinery devioe, placed a little further at the beck of the head, and having the strings tied under the chin, becomes thestyUsh bonnet.

It is announced among fashion items that fob-chains for gentlemen are again coming into use. Those who recall twenty years back will remember the chains of this style attached to watches. The recent vest chain, although pretty and ornamental, is to be discarded. Stoat gentlemen, whom' fobchains become, will rejoice at the change, 80 will jewelers with an old stock on band heretofore unsaleable.

There is now oo excuse for us to laugh at qbalui fhshjens of oar grand, mothers, since we are copying them with all earnestness is the very minutest particulars. Look at the high-heeled shoea and slippers* the Entitle little bonnets, the gayly-flounced chintaes, Ac^ Ac., whieh once wire *4 dear to the breasts of thone trbose beauty have ISsded long ago, and which now seem C* epbetlish the charm* of the modern yonng belle.

1 Feminitems.

Uncle Sam employs three thousand women. Nilsson is to be married in June this time. 1"

Was Dolly V. Ardon a sister of Enoch? '.di The young ladles of Yonkers, New York, have formed a boat olub, and oall themselves "Mermaids."

Sojourner Truth,is now sojourning at Mendota, Ills., having finished her lecturing tour in Iowa and Kansas.

A Minnesota woman has invented a fan to be attached to a sewing machine and put in motion by the same power.

A Keokuk girl caught a hot base ball on her eyelash and will heraftersee only half as much fun in the noble game.

Mrs. Abbie Sage Richardson will probably acoept the chair of elocution at the Cook County Ills., Normal school.

Miss Ida Greeley, whose father Horace is somewhat known as the author of a book on farming, was educated in a convent.

Archbishop Manning has issued anedict to clergy forbidding the employmentor admission of women as singers in church choirs.

Mrs. Wirt Sikes (Olive Logan) has completed her new volume, which is to have the alarming title of "Get The© Behind Me, Satan"—the Satan particularly referred to is free love.

Mr. Barnum is said to be wearing crape for the recent death in St. Louis of a colored lady who weighed over nine hundred pounds—twice as much as the lamented Daniel Lambert.

It is said that the two handsomest young ladies in Gorham, N. H., stand nearly six feet high each. They will prove good subjects for those young chaps who aim high In matrimony

A^ounglady In Burlington, Iowa, went to church and forgot her waterfall, leaving It in the window, and when she returned she found a little bluebird sitting in It on two eggs

Ti.e Jenkins of a Sac, Iowa, paper, in writing up a reception, says: -Miss Moody was noticeable for her large feet, and Miss Summers for her excessive perfume of musk-rat color."

The New York Mail, speaking of lifo insurance, calls to mind a woman who drew $30,000 on the death of her first husband, and $20,000 on the death of her second spouse. And she is ready to invest again.

There Is a female patient In the Stockton asylum whose insanity was caused by tight lacing. All women who lace tightly are Insane—the only difference is that this one was found out. The others will be in good time.

Anna Dickinson is fond of dress, and wears rich materials made up simply after the prevailing style, without extravagant ornamentation. She can well afford these Indulgences, for her receipts from lecturlngjti$ simply enormous.

There is a woman in Springfield who Is determined not to be cheated. She purchased a spool of cotton thread at a dry goods store, the other day, and insisted on having the clerk unwind and and measure lt to make sure that It did no a be 2 0 0 a 4

Tbe most popular lady in foreign society at Washington Is said to be Lady Thornton, the wife of the English Minister. She is tall, angular, homely, and her dress is dowdy and unbecoming, but she possesses rare social attractions and brilliant conversational abilities.

A bull escaped from a herd, climbed the stairs of a, photograph gallery in New Orleans the other day, while two lad lee were having their pictures taken. The injunction of tbe gentle artist to preserve a pleasant expression and let your eyee rest about here," was not obeyed to the letter by tbe sitters.

young lady who was looking at' a picture repreeentlng a pair of lovers standing on a door-step gazing a^a moon lit landscape, with tbe arm of Jhe lover gently enfolding the waist ofhls sweetheart, appreciatively exclaimed, "What lovely picture. How natural everything is!"

A cow trespassed ona coquet-ground attached to a female seminary, a short distance from Pittsburg, last week. Instead of throwing stones at her and remarking," Whoosh,you horrid beast!" the girls made a Dolly Varden out of some old tin cans, fastened lt to her narrative, and bade her fkrewelL

Women are qudfcr. Among tbe live stock of Mr Bates Sparks^of Cumberland eoonty, Illinois, wasa valuable mare which be had gfvoa 111*-Ifctm Sparks, and Mra. B*ee Spafls taking ft notion that Mr. B. 8., did not treat this valuable mace as «eli ss lib treated the other Imrsne. armed herself with an axe and a knife, proceeded to lbs stable, and, split open the benl and *«t the throat of the valuable

STRANGE TASTE,

In a recent number of tbe Philadelphia Ledger we find the following advertisement

Wcircularsaw,

ANTED AN ACTIVE YOUSTQ man, about eighteen vearsold, to work on a etc., etc.

It now beoomes a question of painful interest whether an active young man of eighteen years procured this situation, and, if so, what particular position he occupied upon that buss-saw. We do not profess to have a particularly intimate acquaintance with machinery but it does not seem to as, looking at the subject in every oonceivable light, that in whatever attitude that young man seated himself on the saw while at work he must have been in a certain sense as it were,uuoomlortable— particularly if the saw was in motion. It appears indeed aa if the aaw wonld do more work than the young man, even if he were very nnusuallv active. It is strange how human beings will consent to engage in the deadly avocations for a little filthy gain. We would not work upon a buzz-saw for all the money that has boon stolen from the city by political thieves for the last fifteen years, unless we had three or four thicknesses of boiler iron around our person and a couple of acoldent Insuranoe policies In our pocket. But men's tastes differ.—[Max Adeler.

TWO NEWRKLIOIO US SECTS. Two new religious sects have lately been added in England to the countless number already existing there, one called the Walworth Convulsionlsts and the other calling themselves the Peculiar People. The leader of the first is a Mrs. Girling, who calls herself a seven-deviled woman, although (ibo says she has rid herself of the tormentors which once possessed her. The meetings of Mrs. Girllng's followers have been Interrupted by scoffers, who were arrested by the polloe. An examination In oourt lea to an explanation of her doctrines. She said that the manifestations which had attracted attention to her meetings occur when the worshippers feel the word of God, and when it foils on them they remain in an unconscious state for some time, after which thev are impelled to dance. All who dance have passed from death to life the death takes place during tho period of unconsciousness and some persons take seven hours in passing from the old state'of Adam to the new —at least, so says Mrs. Girling. The Peculiar Peoplo believe that they aro the social obfects of divine protection and permit their children to ale of accidents or Illness without calling in modlcal assistance, because tboy have faith that God will heal them supernaturally, if it is His will that they should reoov--5=S5—

THE CIRCUS UTILIZED. The tent under which the International CircCis Company have been performing for the past few days was left standing on the public square Sunday, and the Young Men's Christian Association availed themselves of it to hold a religious service Sunday evening. In

sweeter musio than has ever been discoursed there before. The exercises were under the supervision of General Powell. Short and stirring addresses were delivered by Revs. Irwin and Roberts, and a lively Interest seemed to bo taken by tbe large audience present. Prayer and praise and a circus performance are somewhat disassociated, but if even one sinner has found salvation through tbe instrumentality of last Sabbath evening's service, the Inter

Company

national CircusCompany shall not have

visited us in vain.—[Kansas City Journal of Commerce.

A NAMELESS WOMAN. A woman without a name has for'a' long time been wandoring about the Southern portion of the city. She seems to understand no language, and has not half the intelligence of the majority of domestic animals. Whenever the poor creature sees an approaching train, it is ber invariable custom to stand bolt upright in the miA He of the track, and calmly await the approach of the train, Saveral times shK«arrowly escaped being run over, as ^ifhe certainly would bo were there not plenty of time to reverse steam and stop approaching engines. Captain Cornwall, the special or the Michigan Southern Railroad, found her wet to the skin last Saturday, and as an act of charity took her to tne station house. Justloo Banyon this morning ordered that she be provided for at the county house.— [Chicago Post.

DlRBCnosrt FOB THB SlCK ROOM.—A person who is sick enough to need night watchers, needs rest and quiet, and all the undloturbed repose he can get. It one er more are In the room rMdfng, talking or whispering, as is oftejlthe case, this is impossible. There should be no light burning in the room unless It be a very dim one, so placed as to be out of sight of the patient. Kerosene should never be usea in the sick room. The attendant should quietly sit or lie in the same room, so as to be within call if anything is required. In extreme cases tbe attendant can frequently step quietly to the bedside to see If tbe patient Is doing well, but all noise and light should be carefully excluded. It is a common practice to awaken patients occasionally for fear they will sleep too soundlv. This should never be done. Sleep Is one of the greatest needs of tbe sick, and there is no danger of their getting too much of it.

The Japarbii Excbssivblt Poirra. —Tbe Hon. E. Peshlne Smith (PbOBbus, etc.,) writes from Jspsn: "I was struck at once with the Independent, self-re-specting air of the people. They are exceedingly courteous t«Q gentlemen bow to eacn other till their bodies are

go 1

ss I did that afternoon, to order a sheet iron stove, ho ato 4rrn on his hands and knees and remains

while we ere

speaking bat he lapks jrpn In tbe face like an honest man whs does not think you are of any different sort of clay than himself, and has not the stamp which people wear who are accustomed to being oppressed and humiliated. It Is simply an nmegrtro politeness."