Saturday Evening Mail, Volume 2, Number 45, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 4 May 1872 — Page 2

AOC

O'ermanjTa dreary .And I look^»t thy dear little letter so **dly. Oh, tell me, my darling—it surely can't- be! .1 left him and thee both #o happy and cheerful,

When I sadly departed

from Joy

In a land of more freedom, though not 01 I hoped to SSBh for ye both a new For I knew, ray own Kathleen, 'twas no

AUboug!?Yor a*wh»e IUwoold leave you

"'And then'you and Patsy would come o'er ,i and meet me— And 'twould be such sweet pleasure to welcome ye, too,

For I thought with what Joy you would smilingly greet me Oh, ten me, my Kathleen—It cannot be true! Oh, Kathleen, If from Patay I thought we were parted,

And never more were to behold his bright face, sorely, my Kathleen, would die brokenhearted, For no one could ever his image replace. You must be mistaken, though,or perhaps

Kathleen.

You might surd be Joking—but that you'd not do Oh, since this drear letter, It's all misery'

I've seen

Oh, tell me, my darling, if it really is true!

Oh, Kathleen, togethar your faces have cheered me When labor aiul trouble together opprest: Together to heaven ye daily have neared me—

In having so much love I thought I was blest. But now^ my own darling, you say be is

Beneath ^fieKreen sod-oh, all pleasure has fled, And 1 feel the chill finger of care o'er me creeping!

Oh, I PraJ^^r,

dear

Katllleen»

he

But alas, my office as a faithful historian compels me to say it was wretchedly untidy. The bright carpet, littered with the crnmbs of the morning meal, the table still standing with the breakfast dishes untouched, although nearly the dinner hour and the far from snowy cloth all awry, while the mistress of the bouse discourses most eloquently of her trials. Her auditor was her aunt, who had arrived by the morning boat for a short visit, and they was discussing the merits and demerits of Mrs. Lizzie Morton's condition in life. "Charles never appreciates anything I do," continued she, giving the ftre a spiteful poke, overturning a basin of milk on the stove hoarth as she did so. "There, that is just my luck. I wish men had one half to enduro that tails to the lot of a woman. Charles grumbles oontinuttllv—'Nothing in its place or even to bo found.' I am sure it is not my fault. I get so tired picking up, and the same thing over and over day after day. A woman's work is nover done.

Just then she glanoed up and seeing tho eye of her aunt regarding a torn curtain somewhat attentively, flushed crimson, and hurriedly exclaimed—"I moant to have got those curtains put up right before you came, but somehow It didn't get done. I can't do everything. I wish Charles would allow me a girl. I am sure that he could afford one. I cannot get time to dress,or to go out at all. Before I was married I was well oft if I had only known it. Just think of it, Aunt Ellon, I have been but to one ball since, and I have been his wife for eight years Charles will not leave his storo, and I will not bo seen without him. "Let us wash up theso dishes, Lisaie, and get somewhat in trim for dinner the clock is now on the stroke of eleven, and I believe yon dlno at oie." And aunt Ellen rose from her seat with a smile—"We will see what light work two pair of hands can make of it." never mind, do not worry yourself, 1 can get the dishes done somehow—if Charles frets. I aui used to it— and if dinner is not ready he oan take ld and help me hlmsell."

Mrs. Jones saw that It was of little use to argue with her nleco in her present state of mind, so she wisely said nothing,but proo*eded to business. Lisaio soon joined her, and although complaining meanwhilea of the narrow sphere of woman, compared with that of man, she quickly brought order out of confusion.

At one o'clock, a nice, smoking hot dinner was on the table tidily arianged and the room so transformed that one would hardly have recognised It. "Hat this is something like housekeeping," said Mr. Charles Merten as he entered the room after greeting bis aunt. "I vote that you remain with us six months, and impart your skill to Lisaie. What a bouquet!" and he raised the glass, in which Mrs. Jones had placed a spray of geraneum, with one spray of rosebnd, and a bit of heliotrope, with ceitalnly an appreciative gesture.

His wife's face clouded lor a moment, then, with an effort she laughed lightly saying—"I glad yon praise anything, HIs so seldom that I have that pleasure."

His retort was not a pleasant one.and something mingled with it which sounded like "being a blessing to have company occasionally, so that things could be decent."

Aunt Klleft saw that the domestic harp was not in tune, sod like a discreet woman Introduced toother sub-

Ject, talking of business snd matters likely to lnterest,untll dinner was over. Charles lighting cigars, provoked the remark—"I wonder what men would s*y If women •pent aa much on folly °f J**

they

do on their smoking? andleftthe house. "Come, aunt, now let take a sap, £. What and leave this disorder un«HI

fbotsMpTawl a bright *jrof six vMrt, thittSinf hW cap it th# hssdlnftton the

fl^Why7F?«ddk,

wt youss tato

from school It wly two, now. Pont you see sunt Busn The child seemed really gjsd to see and weloome his sunt who alwaysjfd

a pleasant smiToJ^d sjre iifee little folks Mt pSW Hi mother's fFreddie is •do not want to 'TOJ: fear of spo can't govern all the respons! ders. Men neve:

yet *o new(

^And thou, mj? own. darling, ao trusting, tno 4 Ob, telllne^ear Kathlecn-it cannot be true!

caBnot

("Gerald," In Arthur'sHome Magazine.]

A Story for the Times.

"O dear! I hate this very room, I hate housework: nothing but dolve, delve, from morning till night—no time to one's self, or to be anybody. A woman is nothing bat a slave and gets no thank* for it either."

And Mrs. Merton glanced around the large roomy kitchen in which she sits, •with a moat nnamiable frown on her bright rosy fhoe.

The room was well furnished, and well-lighted, cheerful, and in all way? fitted for comfort, serving as a dinlngjroom as well as work room.

take anv care but the poor wife must bear afl the blame If anything goes wrong.

This mother was now gone to rest, aui the daughter, with the well being husband required of her, was as unfit for her position as a babe. Her cares were a continual torment to her. She found no delight in home duties consequently they were styled drudgery, and performed as such.

Her husband lost patience, and seeing the contusion which reigned, kept out of it as much as possible. If be complained, she retorted, and the love which promised to endure all things waxed cold and hid her face.

Aunt Ellen was a prudent woman, and listened to the story which her niece poured lorth in silence. Both were manifestly in fault, but she determined to try what a little kindly ad vice would do with Liszie first, and at tempt to establish the househould upon the firm footing of mutual forbearance and enduring affection.

Let us make some custards for tea. I think I have heard your husband say that they were his favorite dish and with some ot this nice jelly they will be just the thing she said as Lizzie sauntered in after her nap, still in her wrapper, and her hair in tangled curls about her face.

Charles does not come to tea half the time, unless I want to go out somewhere then he is sure to come, and grumble because I am not here, tied up like a dog, at home, day after day," was the unpromising answer.

Never mind, I think he will come to-day. Any way we will make them and trust to "see him bright and early."

She coaxed bis neice into preparing several little niceties which she knew «£ould please him, then helped her to decorate the table as if for an honored guest, and in spite of Lizzie's obstinate

It's now use, he never notices anything I do," substituted a neatly fitting dress for the morning paper, smoothing the really pretty curls herself, ana looping them back with a bright, fresh ribbon.

Charles did come, and was ushered into the eating-rooin by aunt Ellen, with tho remark—"Lizzie has been very pains taking in your behalf this afternoon, sir, and I expect you to show the utmost appreciation of her efforts. Sit down, and confess nothing ever tasted so good in your life."

Ho did appreciate and praise, but could not forbear a hint that to Mrs. Jones must the credit be awarded.

That evening the store got along without him, for he escorted the ladies to a first-class concert, which Lizzie had been longing to attend, but would not express tho wish, believing all that she amrmed of his indifference to herpleasure.

The next morning, 'under Mrs. Jones' skil 1 ful management, the domestic tangle was straightened out, and the friends sealed at their sewing at an early hour.

Aunt, I know that you think me In fault toward Charles. You say nothing but your manner betrays you. You little know how aggravating, he is. While vou are here, he is on bis best bi'havfor. I feel so provoked at him, I don't care whether I try to please him or not."

Supposing you try to put aside that thought, Lizzie and, indeed all thoughts of his conduct—and, remember!.ig only your Individual duty, your own accountability strive with singleness of purpose to fulfil these trusting to God lor the result. I firmly believe that you will not fail of your reward. When yon were married, it was "for betterlr for worse." You promised to "love, honor, and obey." Von did not promise that you would fulfil your part of the contract provided he did the same, but unconditionally, and as such you must adhere to your vows. "He may be slow to reoognize your efforts to please him, and your duty thereby rendered a html one but, having "put the hand to the plow," yon OAUnot turn back. Fight all your battles with yourself. The path lies straight before you, and any deviation is full of danger.

Make your home always cheerful and pleasant, and yourself always beautiful for him. He will see, and his heart will be tonched, I have not one doubt.

I leave to-morrow but, before I go, promise me that you will bear my words in your mind, and act upon them."

Mrs. Merton, with many tears, gave the required promise, forsue knew that she had been "tried ahd found wanting," although many rebellious thoughts struggled out of the mastery.

Aunt F.llen returned to her home, and quotation from a letter received by her twelve month alter, will show whethsr her words were in vain or no: "I mast always bless yon as my good angel, dear aunt, in showing me my short comming as a wire and mother ao fearlessly Mid yet so kindly. We are the happiest family in the world. I long for another visit from yon that I may compare with your laat. Charles is more my lover than before our marriage, and I know that I am more loveable. But let me confess to yon, my mentor, I saw many dark boors before I conquered myself. Poor Charles reproached himself hitterlv lor his lack of patience bot I find no word of blame in my heart for him. You cannot imagine bow happy I am. Even Freddie thinks "msma grows young lately:" and he certainly grows good. I only regret the y^ars have wasted before I learned the lessen you have taught ma."

KtoiTHAMh earned by reanalnlng so long In one position that the blood cesses to circulate. How hard we try to run in our sleep, sometimes to get nut of tho way of some terrible danger! It doea such person no good to ask what'a the matter. Do not waste time In asking question, but gtvs relief to the sleeper, by an Instantaneous ahalre, or ewn a touch of the body,that breaks lbs dreadful epell in so instant, because it sets the bood going toward tbs heart.—(Hearth and Homa.

TERRE-HAUTE SATURDA

.and iiitrfrtipon my shoulLbfnk that they can

4,

Meanwhile, Aunt Ellen tviur quietly passing to and Iro, and deftly putting the zoom to rights with her busy fingers, planning in her heart to speak a word in season, without offence to the poor, unhappy woman before her.

Mrs. Merton was an only child married at seventeen to a young man whom she fancied was angelic, and found hint after all, to be like herself, human, with human frailties, and only human patience. Her mother, a kind, loving woman, in making the great miatake of educating her for society alone, not for home, nad taken all the care and labor of the household on her own hands,leaving Lizzie to embroider a little, to play a little, to walk, ride, visit, and finally become a wife, without one serious look into the future, which dawned so rosily before her.

ton, Msine, five thousand per minute being produced there by msohlnery. India rubber carriages is the last Yankee invention. No wood is used, and no iron except for axles and tires.

New Hampshire school teacher five dollars sua costs for profhnJtfT A bill recently passed by theCalifornia Legislature provides that "religion shall be neither taught nor practiced in the public schools."

A Houston. Texas, darkey poured keroeene into nis ear to drive out a bug that had obtained lodgment there. And in death they were not divided.

The death of Manate, the rich Australian, recalls the story of his sending an order to London for a ton of books to fit up a library at his colonial home

The general conference of the Metk odistCnurch.which convened in Brook' lyn last Wednesday will elect at least eight new Bishops, and it is probable that Indiana will get at least one, perhaps more.

The insurrection in Spain grows more and more formidable. The Carlists are reported as showing greatly increased strength, and the overthrow of the existing government even is deemed possible. The Government have suppressed dispatches.

In Philadelphia the mercantile library has been open to the public on Sunday for two years, ana the average attendance has risen steadily from three hundred per day during the first year to seven hundred, nearly all of whom were young men.

One of the scentific papers of New York, referring to the California earthquake thinks that "heterogeneous parallaxes prhmatically converging are not due to the silicious introduction of photospherical asteroids, but rather to parabolical stratification of igneous zygema."

The Secretary of the Treasury's programme for May is to purchase two millions of bonds each Wednesday and sell two millions of gold each Thursday, ten millions each during the month. This will be the most extensive transaction of the department in in one month for along time.

A number of curious phenomena were connected with the earthquakes in California. Miners at work three hundred feet or more under the ground were entirely unconscious of any physical disturbance at the surface. While wooden buildings stood sgainst the shock well, adobe and brick structures are ported to have gone down like banks of earth.

John Gull is the oldest convict in the Ohio penitentiary. He has been a prisoner since 1836, and has grown old and childish in the service of the State. His crime was murder. He has ceased to labor, and spends his time in walking about through the prison he imagines that he owns the institution and is accumulating a vast fortune off convict labor. Every night in bis cell be dreams and imagines that he counts money by the ton, and drinks whisky by the barrel. 'KM* IVJ

Mount Vesuvius, now in a statebt active eruption, has already destroyed many lives and threatens to overwhelm a town of 13,000 inhabitants. The town is situated on the same site as the one which was destroyed in 1704. The fondness on the part of the people of that region for nestling up to dangerons volcanoes is not appreciated in this country. In result of an over

Hesltb A Det Mrs. Crlml

uuv rr winvvu *sa vuio

Italy it is probably tbe jver-crowdea population.

An aged but rather rnral deacon of Danbury, Bomewhat astonished his family on returning from areoent visit to Bridgeport, by disclosing in the recesses of his capacious valise two valuable volumes in blue and gold, a prize package containing gold coin, a cake of fig paste, two pictorial papers, and a package of ice-cream candy. He said a Doy on the cars gave bim these things. He coufessed that the boy was an entire stranger, but fervently "hoped heaven would paint b.im a sky blue if he ever forgot the kindness."

In a little Vermont town the Methodists and Universalists combined to build a chapel, which is oocupied by the former in the morning and the latter in the evening. A few Sundays siiice tbe Universalis! pastor ssked the Methodist minister to announce that the evening discourse would be on tbe "Death of tbe Devil." The sturdy follower of John Wesley, irritated by the the summary taking off of a personage of tbe utmost value for tbe scaring of sinners into sanctity, revenged himself by saying from bis pulpit: "This evening, my friends, there is to be a funeral in this bouse. One particular feature about the service will be that tbe son

6reaches

ow the church is closed until tbe pending lawsuit gives tbe right to it to one or the other sect, and the Universalist clergyman bdtieves that if there is anv man too wicked to be saved It is his Methodist "brother."

TAKING COLD.

If a cold settles on the onter covering of tbe lungs it becomes pneumonia, inflsmation of the lnngs, or lung fever, which in many cases carries the strongest man to his grave within a week. If a cold falls upon the inner covering of the lungs it is plenrisy, with its knife-like pains and its slow, very slow recoveries. It a cold settles in tbe joints, there is rheumatism in its various forms inflammatory rheumatism with Its agonies of pain, and rheumatism of the heart, which in an instant snaps tbe cords of lite with no friendly warning. It is of the utmost practical importance, then, in the wintry weather, to know not so much bow to core a cold as how to avoid it. Golds always oome from one csuse, some part of the whole of the body being cold re than natural tor a time. If a man will keep his feet warm always, and never allow himself to be chilled, he will never take cold in a lifetime, and this can only be accomplished by due care in warm clothing and the avoidance of drafts and undue exposure. While multitudes of Isolds oome from cold feet, perhaps tbe majority arise from persons cooling off too quickly after becoming a little warmer than Is natural from exercise or work, or from confinement to warm apartment.— [Wood's Household Magaaine.

SkuorrLocs Hcwowi.—The Vegetlne has cured many oases of SerofUla of Ave, ten and twenty years' standing, where tbe patient has bad many pbyslciana has tried many of tho known remedies and, after trying tbs Vegatine, tbe common remark Is, "It acSa differently, works differently, from any medicine 1 have ever taken. Vegetlne will cleanse scrotals from the system. Try It.

?aw

rer,

bis father's funeral sermon."

VEN1NG MAII^MAY 4, 1874

lteqis—jimmies and black

Jaoks. Pennsylvaif Gave.

low has a Mammoth

The game of billiards is five hundred W4dt n"j A! K*i Chicago rents are nearly twice as high aa.isst,yss«^^^^rt^.'iiaMiii

Ths mourning color of the Turks is lilue, A good man is an illustrated..Bible,

It were.

.I*-1 i-

Old men go to death death oome to young men. Where to find Eternal Spring—in the circus business.

A St. Louis landlady furnishes Dolly Varden hash..4 ^r The rush of travelers to Europe this spring will be very great.

Is "borrowed trouble" similar in its nature to sigh-lent grief? Should Auld acquaintance be forgot Not if they have money.

Strawberries are a drug in the San Francisco markets just now. A Missouri ruralist smoked out a rabbit by consuming a half mile fence.

We learn from most of our exchanges that their adversaries are squirming. It is humiliating to think that there are not quite 40,006 P. O.s in the U. S.

There are three hundred papers printed in the German language in the United States.

A Minnesota editor offers new subscribers a bar of soap. A clean bar-gain to the subscriber.

What are you doing there said a grocer to a fellow who was stealing his lard. ply.

"I am getting fat," was the re-

The New York Mail states as one of "the advantages of being intoxicated," tbe ability to jump from railroad trains without being killed. -mi -t] U'j it Hiit'.S* hoi, SCIENCE. i' la

Two Facts— Where Did We Oome From

A professor having recently beencriticised for a lecture delivered in Rochester, partly supporting the Darwinian theory, replies in the Democratic Chronicle, from which we make the following extract: i-niifrt u-,

4

To those whose only aim is to find the truth, let me give two facts which have transpired in Rochester, within as many weeks:

First, a dentist pulled a "wisdom tooth" with thxee fangs. ob Second, the post mortem examination of the woman revealed the fact that her death had been caused by the presence of a grape seed in tbe caecum.

The facts seem trivial. Let us see, if we can, what tbey mean. No man can take the first step in science unless the tap-root of his thought is this nothing transpires in nature which is out of relation with everything else, and therefore meaningless. We walk through a cornfield and find an ear in which the silk and tassel, the female and male flowers are blended. The flower is hermaphrodite. You ask me what it means and I tell you "it is a reversion, a .slipping back into an earlier condition of tbe corn." You understand this very well when you see in your child a resemblance to your grandfather. I have seen in English homes light haired, bine-eyed children, having no resemblance to either parent, and—I have been told—no resemblance to grandparents. The Saxon eye and hair re-appear now and then, transmitted through a millenium's blood circuits. And tbe three fangs by which the "wisdom tooth" of an ape is implanted, reappear now and then on the "wisdom tooth" of a Rochester law-

teaching him a law older than any written in books. It the reader will take up any standard work on anatomy, he will find a plate representing the digestive system. He will see a little branch of the intestine ending in a cul-de-sac. It is called the csecum. If a cherry seed, or grape seed, or anything lse, slips from the main intestine into its cul-de-sac, it can not get out. It causes in flammation and frequently death. Now, why is the caecum there? It serves no use. It is variable ill size and occasionally it is absent altogether. It is worse than useless. It is as a little deadly trap set to catch a berry seed and bold it fast for our destruction. If 1 ask you why it is there, you tell me "God made it so," and yon think the answer has at least the merit of piety. You deceive yourself. This is one of those facts which, in any religious view of nature, can not be referred directly to the creative wisdom and goodness. Besides, such snswers are no more in the line of science than the answer ol the Cadi to Layard, "O, thou joy of my liver," said the Turk, "why should we question tbe stars? Allah made them! Why should we say 'lo, this star spinneth around that.' Let it spin, for Allah is great!" Neither our religion nor our science will permit us to regard this cul-de-sac as the result ot a primal creative act. Let the student turn now to tbe beaver or tbs kangaroo, and he will find this caecum very long and large and useful. It reaches its fullest development in the beaver and the kangaroo—animals which stand low down on tbe scale. It is still quite large in tbe sheep snd in tbe grass-eaters generally. The food of these animals is coarse, snd the ducts which take up the nntriment must have a large extent of snrface, hence this second intestine. From tbe kangaroo, as you pass up to man, you will find tbe caecum growing less and less important, and smaller and smaller, till it appears as a mere rudiment. It is in man as a silent letter In word, useless but historical. Is it too much lor your credulity that some remote ancestral form ate grass like a sheep?

THE sun- flower is remarkably useful as tood for poultry, and yields a valuable oil In large proportions. As food for poultry its superiority to grain bss long been admitted, and farmers should cultivate tbs son-flower In all tbs intervening spaoss of their siftsap fences.

While tbs emperor anU empress of Brasil were on their European tour their daughter was left monarch of all she surveyed, and she bad only to say

MLa

prtsosass leveut" to make all Brazil's tawny millions bow.

A OKirruutAX having written letter, ooncloded ft as follows: "Give everybody's love to everybody, so that nobody msy be aggrisved by anybody being forgotten by somobody."

A middling-seised Boy, writiitj^a' composition on "Extremes," remarked that "we should endeavor to avoid extremes, especially those of wasps and bees." xzz r-zs "Mother," said a little boy, "I've got a bad headache and a sore throat, too." "Well, you shall have some medicine," •aid thamother. torted the shrewd urchin, "I've got 'em—but they don't hurt me." jetl

A poor little Sunday school scholar in Wisconsin was deluded into learning 3730 verses of the Bible in four weeks by the promise ot a book. They

fave

him "Hitchcock's Analysis of the ible.' He swapped it for a three bladed knife and a peck of hickory nuts.

A little boy in Palmyra, playing with a ball of worsted thread attached to his mother's crochet work, acoidently swallowed it, and had to. be held by several able bodied women while every yard of it was unwound in his bleasea little stomach by reeling the end projecting from his mouth.

A little girl in attendance St a meeting bad her childish curiosity aroused by the presence of a blind man who sat near the main entrance. When told that tbe poor man was bereft of sight, she gazea pityingly upon him for some moments, and then, turning to her mother,exclaimed:'Oh mamma, what a pity he cannot wake up!' "Papa," said a bright-eyed little girl one day, "I believe mamma loves you better thsn she does me." Papa held doubts on that subject, but concluded that it was not best to deny the soft impeachment. She meditated thoughtfully about it for some time, evidently construing her father's silence as unfavorable to.her side. "Well," said she at last, "I s'pose it's all right: you're the biggest, and it takes more to love you."

A nice little boy in Pittsburg went to the circus the other day, and amused himself by throwing stones at tbe elephant while he was drinking. When he got through, the boy tried to propitiate bim by offering him a piece of gingerbread. Befoie accepting the cake tbe elephant emptied about sixtyfour gallons of water, beer measure, over tne boy, and then slung bim into tbe third tier to dry off. This boy is very indifferent about circuses now. He says be believes he doesn't care for them as much as he used to. 'J dT

BACK DOOBS,

A man staggered into our sanctum, last Monday morning, who bore tbe appearance of having been badly used. His bat was gone, his clothes soiled, and his face airty and disfigured with wounds. Dropping promiscuouslyjnto a chair, he hoarsely murmured "Back doors!" "What is the matter with you, old fellow?" we inquired. "Back doors, I tell ye, (hie) th^'s wha's er ina'er." "Explain yourself." ""*w" "Read Mayor's or'er closing fron' s'loons Sun'y didn't ye?" "Yes." "So'm I! Took gran' tour 'vestigation yes'day t' see 'f law's 'beyed." "Well what was the result?" "T'is is er'suit. Ha! ha! (hie) he! drunke'rn biled owl." "Yes, anybody oan see that but did you find the fron' doors olosed "O yes, the fron' doors were olosed hut lordly! how many back doors I found open. Didn't know there was s'many back doors in the city. Tbey mus' have sent away and got some back doors somewhere. S'loons olosed in front, but they were s' open be(bic) hind as a fanning mill. I tried 'em all. Some had one back door, others had two'r threeex'ra ones cot in 'specially, and one s'loon up town had (hie) 'hole back end taken out to 'commodate the crowd. I ought to be on the Board of Health," he continued after a pause, "know more 'bout condition of 'er alleys and back yards than any man in the city. There's one thing 'bout it, if this thing of closing fron' doors Sunday keeps on, the'll have to widen 'er alleys. Alleys wasn't halt big enough yes'day!to oom'date the crowd. "Was tbe rush tor drinks as bad as that?" "Was! S'loon full all 'er time, and alley full of thirsty men waitin' their time to get in. llad to take turns, same's barbershop Sun'y inornin'." "Didn't any saloons have their front doors open "A few but they didn't have any customers to mention. Faot is, folks rather like sneakin' through alleys and into back doors for a drink. Hain't been dronk 'fore in dog's age my'self. I can walk bol'ly by a s'loon with 'er fron' door wide open, but shut it and hint about aback en'rance, and I'll find it, sure. It's human natur, sure' ye live."

The new regulations appear to have affected you rather disastrously." "You're mighty right. I am sufterin' from to many back doors. Tbe absence of fron' blinds has 'fleeted my (bic) con'tution. 'Sider myself a martyr to er May'rs old procernatlon 'bolishin' from' doors, and I want 'mons'rate 'gainst it throogb er press. 'Nuther Sund'y with tnem cussed bsck doors an' your uncle's gone. Alleys is too. many for roe, Buck doors is my ruin!" And with this he departed.

DIVORCE MANUFACTURING. The Harrlsburg correspondent of the Pittsburgh Leader describes an application for divorce as follows: "Tap, tap," of the gavel. "This," shouts Mr. Speaker, Is the 8enste bill No. 185, entitled an act to dissolve the marriage contract between John snd Catharine Schuler, etc. Shall tbe bill be—" "Mr. Speaker."

The gentleman from Crawford." Mr. Speaker, tbla bill is a meritorious one. I have charge of it. Catharine Schuler, the complainant, resided for tnany years in Meadvilie. 8he was reIPCCtOQ Ml "Aye, aye, aye.

tions or tbe already bored house. The gentlemen from Crawford takes tbe hint and sits down.

Speaker—" Shall this bill bs read ('no!') by title?" ("Ave, aye!") "Shall it be considered read

Carried." And Catharine and John were twain again as easily as rolling off a log. Who wants any better free love?

Iv twenty days the ergs ot one ben would exceed tbs weight of her body. So of any bird. Yet tbe whole of tnat mass of albumen is drawn directly from her blood. If stinted in food, of course It would limit tbe number as well as the sise of tne

Smlggles getting seedy springtime"

What belongs to yourself, and is used bv everybody more than yourself? Your name.

Why is a large carpet like the late rebellion Because It took such a lot of tax to put it down.

A young lady wenf Inters "im&ifc shop, and asked the clerk If he had ftMli&f^Fin told so by the girls."

A book-seller's boy entered jobbing house in New York and called for a oopy of "Who's Your Schoolmaster" He was shown "The Hoosier Schoolmaster," but he had the order written dawn in his book for something with tbe former title, and was satisfied the latter could not be the book he wanted.

Josh Billings discourses thus on the "Dinner Horn": This is tbe oldest and most sakred horn there is. It iz set tew musik, and plays "Home, Sweet Home," about noon. It has bin listened tew with more rapturous delight than ever Graffula's band has. You ken hear it farther than you ken one of Mr. Rodman's guns. It will arrest a man and bring him quicker than a Sheriff's warrant. It ken outfoot any other noise. It kauses the deaf to hear and the dumb to shout for foy. Glorious old instrument.

IN, INTO, AND UNDHI.—The vexed question oi the proper mode of baptism was thus disposed of lately, down South, by "Uncle Ctesar," a oolored preacher:—"Now, bredren," said he, "I hear great fuss about dese words in and into and folks want us to believe dat dey mean under, and dat when de Scriptur' speaks of an indlwidual going down into de water, de Bible mean to say dat' he went under de water. S'pose some day I go ober to see Brudder Solomon, and Brndder Solomon wery politely say,—'Uncle Caesar, come tnto de house,' do anybody s'pose dat dis here nigger would go under de house*" -mv-a#

TEN HARD DOLLARS. Those people who are interested in bard money will perhaps be profited by the following story Irom the Christian Weekly, by Dr. Spaulding: "My Ait her was a poor man. A large and growing family was dependent on bim for its aally bread. Coming home one wintry evening from a week's work with ten hard-earned dollars in his pocket, he lost them in the snow. Long and fruitless was tbe search for tbem. After the snow was gone, again and again was tbe search renewed, and with the same result. The snow fell and melted again for a whole generation, and still the story of tbe lost dollars was fresh in our family oirole for a silver dollar to a poor man in those days was larger than a full moon. "About a mile away lived another father of a family in similar circumctances. He, too knew bow much a dollar oost dug out of the heart of a rocky farm. At least once, or oftener every week for forty years he had occa sion to pass our door, giving and receiving the common neighborly salutations, and every time with a weight increasingly heavy on his conscience. But all such pressure has its limit snd when reaohed the orash Is greater for the severity of tbe strain. In this instance it was SB when an old oak rends its body and breaks its limbs in falling. "One day, completely broken down, he oame to my father in tears, confessing: 'I founiyour dollars lost in the snow forty years sgo. They have been hard dollars to me, and I oan carry them no longer. I am come to return them, and ask your forgiveness, and as soon as I can will pay you the Interest.' "Tbe scene was like that when Jacob and Esau met over the ford Jabbok.

He did not live long enough to pay the interest, but quite long enough to furnish a practical comment on tbe text, 'The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity, but a wounded spirit who can bear?' Who onn say that conscience, though slumbering in this life, will never awake to puuish the offender in the life to come "If any man wants hard money, let bim get'it dishonestly, and he will find it the hardest money be ever saw—bard to keep, hard to think of, and hard to answer for in tbe judgment day."

"A BAD FALLING OUT.—It is indeed A sad falling out when, after years of tbe closest intimacy, the hair parts oompany with the head. Fortunately the lamentable seperation may be oasily prevented and the twain more closely united than ever by a timely and systematic use of Lyon's Katbairon, tho most potent invigortnt of the hair and

Eromoter

0

aye,"

from all por­

of its growth and boauty

nown to modern pharmacy. It completely obviates tbe dry and parched condition of tbe roots of tbe hair, which is prellminsry to Its coming out, by supplying the precise degree of moisture requisite to Its preservation In a healthy state. It is the only true dissolvent and evaporant of dandruff and other Impurities of the scalp, whose

Keautifierisof

resenoe injurious to tbe hair. As a the hesd the Kathairon 'has no equal. It not only increases tha quantity of the hair, but improves its quality Immediately, imparting a lustrous appearance and silky texture which are exceedingly attractive.

THERE is no funersl so sftd to follow ss tbe fuoeral of oar own youth, which we have been pampering with fond desires. ambitions hopes, and all the bright berries thst hang in poisonous cluster*over the psth of life.

TBS Canton Beaper and SLOWER. Don't bar Ull you m*- it. It 3s tbe simplest In construction. It l« tbe lightest and strongest. Warranted U» suit or so sale.

OP

SAYfl YESlU

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"Aye aye!" "Shall tbs bill pasa?" .=« si Aye," (multitudinous.) ,, ,,it

JOKKSA JOXES.

THE Canton Reaper and Mower. It can't on any account be beat. It can be bought on easy term*. All repairs free tbe first year. Alt oog wheels in the centre. TBSCanton Reaper and Mower. all In the centre. Side

Impossible. The dropnew and simple. Wo mala equal to it. Call at

Jonas A JOnes.

THSCanton Reaper and Mower. It Is something new. It has only eog wheel*. It Is a Dropper

O

Mower. Bold only by Jones

Tn Canton Reaper and Mower. It has high wheels. Highest cutting mathine in use. It is not high in price. See it at Jones a Jones.

Iii.m-.aife':

CALFTOHF CAUTONF CANT ON

Is the name of the new Beaper and Mower, at Jones A Jones.