Saturday Evening Mail, Volume 2, Number 40, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 30 March 1872 — Page 2
[For the Saturday Evening Mall.] CASTE.
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HTT K. S. HOPKIHS. 5
There is asocial barrier that divide* The world'H inheritance unerringgnides In eveiy one's own inner consciousness Whose sensitive, outreaching tendrils bend Toward congenial natures with caress Boft a* the kiss of April's tenderness And twining with a touch of gentleness About some kindred heart proclaim It friend. Nor wealth nor ower can storm the citadel That guards the sanctuary of the soul From toul contamination, nor compel The mind unwilling, to remove the dole That bounds it's holy altars. Poverty Of gold excuses not from purity In thought and life. Rich Is the prophecy Of better things when in the desert waste Appear the green oases so doth caste Preserve 'mid barrenness the germs of taste.
NEWS AND NOTINGS.
Kansas women have voted for a number of vears on all questions connected witn the schools.
It is difficult to believe that thousands of people in India perish annually from the bites of poisonous snakes, but it is a fact.
The question of where all the Smiths come irom is Answered. A factory in an eastern city bears the sign, "Smith Manufacturing company."
The Philadelphia Star has discovered why people are not HO healthy now as they used to be. It is because they don't sleep on feather beds. People will please take notice.
Fred Kinsinger, of Lawrericeburg, can shoot oW his revolver without taking it out of his pocket, and catch the ball in his mouth, but it is hard on the teeth and disastrous to the laws. He will tell all about it when bis jaws knits and be gets bis new store teeth—for the present he can only indicate by signs that it was all an accident.
A span of too confiding mules attempted to walk the trestle work at the Otter Creek mines in Clay county one day last week. They bad heard of Blondln stopping and taming somersaults and the like, and bad egotism enough to try it themselves. After being suspended in midair by the neck at the end of a chain for a minute in loving and kicking proximity, they dropped to the ground some fifteen feet, and walked away with the air of mules who had done something toward bringing their kind to a proper level.
Almost every week we read of disturbances in Ireland, to quell which the riot act has to be read to the people. Would it not be quite as well (or the English Government to so far care for its Irish subjects as to teach tbem how to read the riot act and other useful literatute for themselves 7 Free schoolhouses dotted about over a country look better in the landscapes than prisons do, and school-masters cost less than policemen, while public readings of riot acts are rarely attended by people who have newspapers left at their doors every morning. '1
Generally, It is mournful to say, sons-in-law quarrel with mothers-in-law which much disturbs lhe harmony of some domestic circles. A youth in Syracuse has so far departed from the mie. as to fall In love with his stepmother, and moreover he has run away with her, taking also, to pay traveling expenses, some $T00 of his papa's money. This amorous gentleman has hardly improved upon the old custom of staying at horns, md quarreling all the lime with tbe second mamma. In this case, It but peculiar fact that though somewhat surprised by the proceedings, ttio old gentleman declines to pursue the errant pair. A wise old gentleman
Having seen a good many absurdities of fashionable dress in our time, we are prepared to believe the Paris correspondents who say that the frocks to be worn this year will bo longer ©von than those that have swept our sidewalks during the last twelve months. We tlml no difllculty, either, in accepting a* truo their assertion that the latest "love of a bonnet" is a queer-looking contrivance, which, perched upon the fashionable pile of jute, gives it the appearance of the leaning tower of Pisa. Ilut when we are jold that the heels ot ladies' boots are "higher and narrower tltnn ever," our credulity breaks down, and we become confirmed skeptics at om*e. We don't believe It possible.
The Germans »re an eminently discriminating people. Their national habit of mind is to make nice distinctions in the matter of cause and effect, as was shown recently In a Wis onsin village. A drunken Irishman killed a peaceable Teuton, and tbe occurrence so a into red the Germans of the place as to make them turn out en »HM« a« a mob bent on vengeance. Any other mob, under similar circumstances, would have hanged tbe murderer to a lamp-post or a limb, but with characteristic accuracy ol discrimination theso Germans made" their assault upon the real cause of the murder, and proceeded to demolish'every whisky shop in the villiiit", pouring out every drop of liqu-
M)fl
or to bo round. The political editors in the City ot Mexico, finding that the lime consumed in attending to their little affairs of lienor seriouulv Interteres with a proper attention to journalistic duties, have organised themselves into a society, ihe members ot which arc bound, un.1. heavy penalties, to abstain from personal assaults upon each other in the columns of their newspapers. So Ur as the manners of the City ot Mexico are concerned, we are not greatly interested but Is it not just possible that MMUC such arrangement in this country would serve to Improve the tone of inst of our political papers? Mexico it not a very good country to borrow Mean from, but this one certainly will be importation,
A well known lady ot Brookvllle read 1 «*t fall that the nutmeg crop had entirely failed. She at once saw a chance to turn an honest penny. So she communicated her plnas to a near friend. It was simply to "comer" the nutmeg market of tbe town. No sooner said than done. They put together their pin money, and bought nutmegs, till they were'ashamed to ask tbe grocers tor more. Then thev sent their little girls for nutmegs, finally tbe stock In the town was exhausted, and tbe two I ltd lea bad over one hundred dollars' worth of tbe article. Then they were liappv. Their confidence, however, weresomewhat shaken in a few weeks, when down town, for they saw more nutmegs. Yet thev had hopes. They thought the "rise' had not come yet, •nd waited patiently. Thus It went on all winter, and no "rise" earn*. A few d*vs ago they aileutly and tearftally boxed up their stock and shipped them t.» a wholesale home in Cincinnati, where they realised about twenty per nt. lew than coat price. They have demnly resolved never to "corner" jiuttnegs again.
ITEMS ABOUT WOMEN.
Shelbyville lassies use carpet-rags to rotund their forms. A Detroit young lady has made a collection of wishbones. She has 210.
Ladies who "faint away" on a slight provocation seldom taint at home. A Jerseyman eloped with the wrong woman by mistake.
The California women have nominated George W. Julian for the presidency.
Grief for the death of a pet canary caused Lizzie Robinson to attempt suicide in Memphis.
A Toledo chap was quite smitten with his neighbor's wife. She did it with a rolling pin.
An old lady lady 72 years of age was deelarcd the best dancer present at a resent Cincinnati ball.
O. W. Holmes says that crying widows marry first. There is nothing like wet weather lor transplanting.
¥i
Fifty women are confined in tbe Louisville workhouse, having been convicted of being common seolds.
An Iowa damsel having oflended a gentleman at a leap year party, he is about to send ,bis big sister to demand an apology.
Clarksville, Pike county, Mo., has a young gent with a hole in his backhand a young lady who exclaims," "I did it with my little pistol."
An exchange says: "The compositors of San Francisco embrace many ladies." The compositors in San Francisco ought to be ashamed of themselves.
Tbe supreme court of Illinois having refused togrant the application of Anna M. Hulletts, tbe female aspirant for legal practice, the lady intends to lecture about it.
A leap-year young lady in Geneva, who was about to propose, shanged her mind when she found that tbe object ot her attention did not understand housework.
Many children have their hair totally ruined by having it crimped and pinched with a hot iron when they are quite young, in order to pamper the vanity of a foolish worldly mother. -.•••• "Sunday evening teas" are the latest style of entertainment.—[N. Y. Mail.
Angeline savs that Algernon Charles is tbe most delicious Sunday evening tease she knows of.—[Ind. Eve. Jour.
One of the converts at a Western revival triumphantly told those present at a reoent prayermeeting that finding her jewelry was dragging her down to hell, she had given it all to a younger siBter.
A lady equestrian of Burlington, iwa, while out riding, undertook, to play Absalom, but her nair wasn't hung like Absalom's. The woman went on and the lute bung on the limbs, for ribald jaybirds to dart at.
Little Mary Wonner, of York, Pa., discovered a broken rail in a railroad track, the other day, and thereupon swung her apron to the engineer of an approaching train in so energetic a manner that he stopped his train and and Baved it lrom destruction.
A Boston widow wears with becoming pride a massive gold ring made from the plate of her deceased husband's teeth. She says that she wound him round her finger while he lived, and that she has got tbe best part of him wound around her finger still.
A blooming Bloomington widow of threescore and ten a fow days ago married a gushing youth but half that age, and the first to congratulate the bride-
gad
room was her son, over whose head passed the winters ot half a century.
The inscription on an Ithaca, N. Y., tombstone, composed and chisselled by a bereaved husband alter lauding to tbe skies tbe virtues of the deceased wife, concludes with the starting assertion: "She is in Heaventhen in a parenthesis, is the saving clause, "I hope."
A modest young lady at the table desiring the leg of a chicken, said "I take the part which ought to be dressed in drawers." A young gentleman oppposite replied I'll take the part which ought to wear the bustle." Hie young lady fainted, and was carried out on a salver.
A correspondent divides brides into two classes, the serious and the smiling. The first enters with a queenly step, and seems to sav, "Don't look at mo. Don't you see I'm married, and that those days are over?" The other comes up smiling, as much as to say, "I'vo landed him. Is it not good fun?"
Not satisfied with her Boston experiences, Mrs. Lincoln lias been interviewing spirits in Auburn and Moravia. On the 2d she registered herself as Mrs. Lincoln at the National hotel of the former place, where she met a distingished clairvoyant physician with whom she was so well pleased thatshe intends in a few weeks to put herself under his charge, as she is in very poor health.
The Teutonic tailor of a Pennsylvania villago havinii married a second wife indecently soon after the funeral ot the first, the voting men of the place notified their disapproval by a tin-horn serenadeduringthe progressofthe feast. The vulgar fraction of a man expostulated iu the following style: "I say, boys, you ought to le ashamed ofvouYsel'fes to be making all dis noise ven dare vas a funeral here so soon!"
The Ijswiston, Me., Journal says: "At une of pur churches, Sunday, while tbe organ was nlaylng vociferously, a good lady whispering to her neighbor In tbe pew, had to raise her voice quite high in order to be heard. Suddenly the orgtn changed from loud to soft, when the ladv, not taking uote ol tbe organ, was hemi to say to her friend. •We fry ours in butter.T
Tbe FelaUh ladies in Central Africa spend several hours a day over theii toilet. In fact tbey begin over night by carefully wrapping their fingers and toes In henna leaves, so that bv morning thev are a beautiful purple. Tho teeth afe stained alternately blue, yellow and purple, one here and there being lea its natural color, as a contrast. About the eyes they are very particular. They pencil tbem with s«lphuret of antimony.
A recent bride is thus described by the Louisville Journal "She was dressed in white Paris moalin, trimmed with lace, all of which contrasted bebewitchingty with tbe brunette of her complexion, while the sparkle of her dark and luminous eyes seemed to outdo the struggling flashes of her diamonds. She was pronounced to be too lovely tor a bride. Half hid away In the meshes of the moalin and the lacs, her delicate beauty looked more like that of an angel than a fairy ot the earth."
CHIPS AND SPLINTERS.
Divorce—the tnrn of tho tied. & A day of reckoning—Saturday, The world in arms—the babiei Corn starch will not euro oorns4 Parlor magaaines—kerosene lamps. An undertaker should never laugh. We pass one-third our time in bed. Query: Does it hurt a joke to crack it? Visionary fruit—tho apple of the eye. Tbe best bus—kissing a pretty girl. Best rebus—kissing her a second
Burst of eloquence—An exploded idea. Undertaker's jokes are apt to be grave.
House maid's horticulture—bed making. Misers are more forgetting than forgiving.
To be handled with care—Reputations. An air of importance—One's first breath.
Never become unpleasantly inquisitive. Practical Christianity is the thing to deal in.
Permanent headquarters—Tho shoulders. Time is money—Except in time of need.
High and dry—many of the public lecturers. How to serve a dinner properly— eat it.
Fools and obstinate men make lawyers rich. The joy of the dumb is always unspeakable.
A recipe for rosy cheeks—doublesoled boots. The ready-money system—Dan, or be done.
A terrible blunderbuss—kissing tbe wrong girl. Dogs smell suspiciously of the modern kid glove. "Pomeranian ringlets" is the pet name for spit curls.
Robert Browning ii gestating a poem on the woman question. Eleven editors have sunk from a life of honest poverty to Congress.
The Emperor of Brasil squandered $900,000 on his European tour. Agood name for the son of a Mormon
E Pluribus Unutn." Tbe singer who brought" down the house refused to rebuild it.
Spotted Fever is prevalent in the East ana Spotted Tail in the West. Sensible men show their sense by saying much in a few words.
Undoubtedly genuine spiritual manifestations—delirium tremens. Dirty paper surrenov is largely responsible for the spread of disease.
Is Nilsson more jealous than other singers, or is she only outspoken One thousand ooons were drowned during a recent California freshet.
tire Sunday in fruitless efforts to kill a cat. •T "1, A religious sect is announced in St. Louis wnich compels women to cut off their hair.
V:---,. -S- -."TV-
A Wisconsin editor speaks of a wind which "just sat on its bind legs and bowled."
Fashionable young ladies, like letters, require stamps,or the males reject them.
When is a man over head and ears in debt? When he is wearing a hat not paid for.
An artificial florist who lives upon the second fiooor may be called a second Flora.
Where ought we always to find tlie milk of human kindness? In tbe pale bf the church.
It is a queer woman who asks no questions, but the woman who does is the querist.
The bridal veil ot a young lady who married lately in New York, cost two thousand dollars.
Venetian gondolas are being constructed for tbe use of summer visitors te Lake George.
Mrs. Oaks has recovered $10,5^5 damages from the Georgia railroad that splintered Mr. Oaks.
When you accidentally "let the cat out of the bag" never try to cram it back again it only makes matters worse.
Peter,said a mother to her son, "are you into them sweetmeats again "No, ma'am them sweetmeats is into me."
Speaking of the danger of catching the smallpox by handling greenbacks, an editor congratulates himself that he's safeenough.
SPRING TALK.
Ovsters begin to put on a more cheerful 'look as warm weather approaches, and they become less fashionable.
Prepare to pick up empty pocketbooks, kick old hats off* from tbe side walk, and otherwise celebrate the first of April.
Youngsters who sit on the damp
faytime,
round and play marbles during the enjoy themselves .at night with the croup.
Tlie loafing business is picking up, with a fair prospect of a large exchange of goesip upon tbe street comers as soon as the weather becomes settled.
Economical housekeepers are very careful when tbey dip into the applebutter tub, or soft soap barrel, for fear thev will strike the bottom before spring with its garden truck arrives.
Pallets that are restless and not inclined to work, can be made to attend to business by patting a little glue in tbe bottom of the nest, or strapping a ten-pound dumb-bell on their backs.
Whiskers and grape vines should be trimmed now, before tbe frost gets out of tbe ground. Never eut your hair in the tall of tbe moon, for tbe ssp is circulating more lively then, and you will soon beve a "clearing" where you intended a heavy growth of anderbruah.
C0NNUBIALITIE8.
A Missouri husband obtained a divorce because his wife insisted on naming the baby Forney.
The following was picked up: 1 "My eyes with tears is led and dim, Cause be loves she and I loves him
But they'll be better by-and-by, When she cats him and he loves I. "I am afraid, said a woman to her husband, "that I am getting to have a stiff neck!" "Not at all improbable, my dear," replied her spouse, "I have seen strong symptoms of it ever since we were married.
Tho greatest run of luck on record is that of a Baltimore cigar dealer, who within the last three months has inherited a fortune, drawn a big lottery prise, found $7,000 in the cellar of his house, and lost his mother-in-law.
Mr. and Mrs. Kohn, of Hartford, Connecticut, have applied for a divorce. Mrs. Kohn was a Christian girl who renounced hei religion in order to marry Mr. Kohn, who is an Israelite. It is probable that they discovered their feelings did net Cohncide after all.
Enoch Arden Miller came home from the Indian country to Kentucky and ionnd his wile married to Philip Ray Scbrader. But be didn't go away alone like the other Enoch. He eloped with Mrs. Schrader, and both are now happy, though Schrader isn't.
Emerson preached a whole discourse in a few lines thus: "The accepted and betrothed lover has lost the wildest charms of bis maiden in her acceptance of him. She was heaven whilst ho
Keaven
ursued her as a star—she cannot be if she stoops to such a one as he."
A California court has granted a divorce to a husband on the ground that he was insane when he married. The Judge has the immediate prospect of an immense business, and the Pacific Railroad Company is making provisions for an extraordinary travel westward during the spring.
Japanese women whose lovers are faithless rise at two o'clock in the morning and drive nails into sacred trees, vowing that when her lover dies she will pull them out. She believes that the god, to save his tree will strike her lover dead. This is a little worse than lying awake nights to bihte people.
A lady in Des Moines proposed to a fascinating dry goods clerk. He said, "Ask Ma," reversing the natural order of things to suit the year. "Ma" was a keen observer, and she saw more fashion than housekeeping in the young lady. She answered "no," and the young lady left disconsolate.
A love-sick swain, in order to more fully discover the mind of bis "ladylove," closed a letter with the following lines: "If you was a dog,
And I was a hog
A rootin' away in the yard If the old man should say 'Drive that hog away,' Would you worry or bite very hard At a public "Tea Party" recently held in one of our country towns, where "sentiments" were in order, a timid bachelor was bold enough to remind the ladies that leap year was upon them, by offering tbe following: Three long dreary years I have waited for this, Now if you'll pop the question, I'll surely say yes.
To which the lady promptly responded as follows: The man without courage to do his own wooing, May do bis own washing, and baking, and sewing.
HOW THE WORLD WAS CREATED. Many extraordinary things have been written and spoken in tbe much abused name of science, but nothing probably could be given finer in its way than the following explanation of the genesis of tbe "Anti Jacobin."
Space being thus obtained, and presenting a suitable nidus, or receptacle for the generation of chaotic matter, an immense deposit of it would gradually be accumulated after which the filament of fire being produced in the chaotic mass, by an idiosyncracy, or selfformed habit analogous to fermentation, explosion would take place suns would be shot from tbe central chaos planets from suns, and satellites from planets. In this state of things tbe filament of organization would begin to exert itself in those independent masses which, in proportion to their bulk, exposed tbe greatest surface to tbe action of light and heat. This filament after an infinite series ot ages, would begin to rauiifv, and its viviparous offspring woula diversify their forms and habits, so as to accommodate themselves to tbe various incunabula which nature had prepared for tbem. Upon this view of things it seem highly probable that the first efforts of nature terminated in the productions of vegetables, and that tnese beings abandoned to their own energies, bv degrees detached themselves from the sources of the earth, and supplied themselves with wings or feet, according as their different propensities determined them in favor of serial or terrestrial existence. Others, by an inherent disposition to society and civr ilizittiou, and by a stronger effort'of volition, would become men. These, in time, wc*ild restrict themselves to the use of tbeir hind fe»t their tails would gradually rub off by sitting in their caves or huts as soon as they arrived at a domesticated state they wou'd invent language and the use of fire, with our present apd hitherto imperfect system of society. In the meanwhile, the Fuci, and Alg«\ with the Corallines and Madrepores, would transform themselves into fish, and would gradually populate all the submarine portion of the globe."
How rr FKBIJJ TO BB Hnro. A Frenchman, writing to the Goulois,
Sanging
lves an account of his sensatian while himself, which may be of benefit to persona of a suicidal turn of mind, and who would like to know "What the thing is like." As if preparing to hang up his coat, ho drove a nail into tbe wall, and therefrom suspended himself by a looped cord, which he fastened about bis nook, and then slowly kicked away his chair. From the crown of his bead to the soles ol his feet be felt a "general mixing up of tbe fluids of his body." This was succeeded by a flashing', dancing light before his eyes, and then concentrated at a •ingle fonts, and thence rippled Into space In concentric circles. His bead seemed compressed in an iron ring needle* without number seemed to dart from the ends of his fingers and toes then there wsa a terrible snapping In the nape of his neck, and a serpent seemed to wriggle down his spine. His last sensation was one of pain at the throat and shoulder-blades. He had expected to wake up and find himself dead, but kind—or unkind—friends cut him down.
WIT AND HUMOR.
A NBC DOTE OF Du. RoBIWSOIf.—Tlie Rev. Dr. Robinson, one of the leading Presbyterians of the West, was reoentIv ill of smallpox, so low that the physicians found it necessary to resort to the transfusion of blood in order to save his life. This extraordinary surgical operation was much talked of by friends, who supposed his life had by it boon almost miraculously saved. Every body wanted to learn the particulars— how it was done, and by whom—and one gentleman pressed the matter so far as to ask a Presbyterian not in sympathy with Dr. Robinson, "What animal did they take the blood from "From a male, of course," was tho
'"^he joke will not need explanation for those who know Dr. Robinson's reputation for downright stubbornness.
It is said that Dr. Robert J. Breckinridge. on his death-bed, only a short time before Dr. Robinson was taken ill, said that "two things are nectssary for the good of the Presbyterian Church in Kentucky and the South—first, that the Lord take me to Heaven and second, that He take Dr. Robinson back to Ireland, and keep him there."—[Editor's Drawer, in Harper's Magazine for April.
SHE KNEW HIM.—A ljidy of this city, of French parentage, bright, witty, and good, became the wife of a gentleman whose business called him ©very summer to Paris. In his yout his pace had been rapid, and the lady's relatives gave many shakes of the head when talking of the marriage. He told her very frankly that he had been of naughty habits, but promised to be
Eand.
roper. And he made a very good husOn each return from Paris he brought her some nice little present— sometimes a bonnet, sometimes a dozen of Alexandre's, sometimes a dress. But on this, his eighth return, he surprised her by placiug in her hands a magnificent lace shawl, the cost of vfrbich could not have been less than seven or eight hundred dollars. Well might her bright eyes sparkle, as they aid, over the exquisite gossamer-like gift. Patting an arm tenderly around his neck and giving him a soft, sweet kiss, she said "Ah, what a good, kind husband you are, to bring uie such a beautiful present! bat, Charley dear" (with a roguish smile), "how bad you must have been tn Paris this last ttme She knew him!—[Editor's Drawer, in Harper's Magazine for April.
AN APT QUOTATION.—A lady, writing to her father, described the loss ol a favorite cow as follows: "Yesterday poor Dolly strayed from the pasture, and unfortunately selecting the railroad track for the route of her luckleas liberty, was caught by the late afternoon train from toe north, and left in nearly equal portions on either side the track."
To which the father promptly and succinctly replied: "Apropos of your cow, see Genesis, xv. 17."
Consulting Genesis according to this direction, she read: "And it came to pass, that, when the sun went down, and it was dark, behold a smoking furnace and a burning lamp that passed between those vieees."
At a recent trial the connsel for the
firosecution,
after'severely cross-exam-
ning a wituess, suddenly nut on a look of severity and exclaimed: "Now, sir, was not an effort made to induce you to tell a different story?" "A different story from what I have told, do you mean "That's what I mean." "Yes, sir: several persons have tried to get me to tell a different story from what I have told, but they couldn't." "Now, sir, upon your oath. I wish to know who these persons are." "Well, you've tried about as hard as any of tbem."
A little girl w&s Standing at the depot to see her father and a gentlman friend off. when she suddenly observed to her father, referring to his friend, who was very tall and lank, "If the cars run off the track and any legs must be broken, I hope they'll be Mr. H.'s" "What's that for?" said the startled H. "Because," she added artlessly, "Aunt Mary says you have a pair of spare legs." The "all aboard" of the conductor prevented any explanation.
"Boys," said a school-teacher, the other day, "what is the meaning of all that noise in school?" "It is Bill Smith, sir, who is imitating a locomotive." "Come up here, William,' said the school-teacher. "If you are turning into a locomotive, it is high time you were switched off."
That locomotive, when awitchedoff, had a tender attachment.
"These ladies are like birds that are on the wing," said a humorous clerk to his employer, as a bevv of shop damsels left the store. "Why so?" asked the proprietor. Because it takes them a loug time to settle upon their purchase (perches)," replied the clerk. The proprietor saw the "point," and was so gratified at his acuteness that he at once raised tbe clerk's salarv.
A worthy deacon in a town somewhere or other, gave notice at a prayer meeting the other night of a cburch meeting that was to be held immediately after, and unconsciously added: "There is no objection to the female brethren remaining." This reminds us ot a clergyman who told in his sermon last Sunday of a very affecting scene, where "there wasn't a dry tear iu the house."
A little six-year old was asked by his teacher to write a composition on the subject of water, and tne following is the production: "Water is good to drink, to swim in, and to skate on when frozen. When I was a little baby the nurse used to bathe me every morning in water. I have been told that the Injuns don't wash themselves once in ten years. I wish I was an Injun
A boy was sent by his mother to saw some stove-wood out of railroad ties. Going out doors shortly after she found the youth sitting on the xaw-horse with beaa down. The mother asked her hopeful son why be didn't keep at work? The boy replied: "My dear mother, I find it very hard to sever old ties.' 4S
The Boston Times puts it in this way: Two rote lawyers Are Itke two sawyers, •fhe one does pull, the #tbw doth thrust, And the object'» rent ssopder Twesn the ooe at top and other under,
Down comes tbe dust.
When a pole cat icsoddenly walloped with a long pole, tbe rast thing that be, she or it das, is tew embalm the air for menny miles in diameter, with an akrimonious ollf&ktory refreshment which permeates tbe etherial fluid with an entirely original smell.—[Josh Billings.
A fisherman at the river got a bite yesterday, and says hell kill the dog if it takea ten years. who undertook to ride a hone radlah la now practicing on a saddle of
A boy sdlah is mutton.
[From Pomeroy's Democrat.] AN OLD SETTLKR.«M When R. S. Stevens', General Manager of the Missouri, Kansas and TBXSS railway, was pushing that great enterprise southward at the rate of three miles a day, he came across a veteran Missouri farmer, who for fifty years had lived on bis frontier plantation undisturbed, even by wars, rumors of wars, pestilence or famine, so far from disease and telegraphs was he.
One night the advance men came upon his old farm-house, when the following dialogue ensued: "Then yon'r gwine to build a railroad, are ye?" "Yes." "Whar am it comin' from, and whar am it gwine to go "From Sedalia, in Missouri, down through Missouri, Kansas, the Indian Territory, and so on thorough Texas to the city of Mexico." "The hell, you say!" "Yes, that is what is going on." 4 "Ana you's gwine to rnn it right through my plantation "Yes." "Do you hear that, old woman We've got to move!" "Not necessarily. All we want is the right of way." "Wall—you can have that are, bat who'd a' thought a railroad would ever bit 118?" y-,:, "You have a good farm here?" "Yes—fair to middling." "How many acres?" "About four thousand." "Not many improvements?" ••No—it takes me so long to look after the cattle I can't improve much." "Have you a well on the premises?" "Yes—a clippiu' good one only it leaks a little." 3 "Leaks? How's that?" •»'You see, wo dug down forty feet, wheu we came to rock, but no water.1 Then I walled it up, and we haul the water from the river about forty barrels a day, and fill into it. We don't use 1= inore'n five barrels a day all the rest g. leaks out somehow. I was gwine to dig another well next year, but 'praps I can hire the water hauled on the cars cheaper nor I can build!"
For thirteen years this old planter had hauled forty barrels of water a day to empty into that rock-bottomed hole, rather than dig a new well or bring water in a pipe fr*m spring only a mile away. Whon Northern workers of enterprise come to fill up that country and sot things to humming, how the old fossils will stare, and wonder they never thought of such things before
r.-?r
»fH
LIFE'S BRIGHTEST HOUR. is Not long since I meta gentleman who is assessed for more than a million. Silver was in his hair, care upon his brow, and he stooped beneath his burdenof wealth. We were speaking ofj that period of life when we nad realized the rather, ness ne you," said the millionaire, "when wasj the happiest hour of my life. At the age of one-and-twonty I had saved up $800. I was earning |600 a year, and my father did not take it from me, only requiring that I should pay for my board. At the age cf 22 I had secured-: a pretty cottage just outside of the city. I was able to pay two-thirds of the value down, and also to furnish it respectably. I was married on Sunday—a
period 01 me wueu we uau iwh*the most perfect enjoyment, or, her, when wo had found the happlnearest to be unalloyed. "I'll tell
t,
Sunday in Juno—at my father's house.. My wife had come te me poor in purse, but rich in the wealth of her womanhood. The Sabbath and the Sabbath night we passed beneath my father's roof, and on Monday morning I went to my work, leaving mother and sister & to help in preparing my home. On Monday evening, when the labors of tbe day were done, I went not to tho paternal shelter, as in the past, but to my own house—my own home. Tho holy atmosphere of that hour seems to Burround ine even now in the memory. I opened the door of my cottage and entered. I laid iny hat upon the little stand in the ball, and passed 011 to the kitchen—our kitchen and dininji-rooin were all one then. I pushed open tho kitchen door and was—in heaven! Tho table was Bet against tbe wall—the: evening meal was ready—prepared by the hands of her who nan come to bo my helpmeet in deed as well as
iiir:
name—and by the table, with a throb-, bing, expectant look uoon her lovely and loving face, stood my wife. I tried to speak, and could not. could only clasp the waiting angel to iny bosom, thus showing to her the ecstatic burden of my heart. The years have passed— long, long years—and worldly wealth has flowed in upon me, and I am honored and envied but—as true as heaven' —I would give it all—every dollar—for the joy of tbe hour of that June evening in the long, long ago !"—[No York •. Ledger.
MEN say that women can't keep a secret. It is just tho reverse—women can, men can't. Women carry with them to their graves secrets that would kill any man. Woman suffers and dies man blabs and lives. Man cannot keep a secret woman cannot make it known. &- What is sport to the man is death to, the woman. Adam was a sneak. Evo would have kept the apple a secret. Be ye fruitful, who ever heard a woman talk about her love fiasco/ Kvcrybody has heard a man gossip. Man delights in telling of his illicit conquests woman would cut her tongue out Hrst. Men are coarse in tbeir club room talk women refined in their parlor c-nver-sation. Who ever heard of a woman telling of her lovers? Who has not listened to the dissipation of tbe men? Men boast women don't. Women never tell tales out of school men are always blabbing. So down with another old adage. Women can keep a secret, and her ability to do so is proved bv the conduct of a St. Johns (Newfoundland) girl, who did not tell her lover she was worth four millions in her own right until after the marriage.
THK Sulky Attachment allows a plowman to ride, and tie Kood work, either In sod or old r»und, and so reduce* the draft that the horses do no more work.
It can be used with any plow. It can be use
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500 Hamilton Ftowt for the seaseason of W72. Hamilton Plows are Just a shade lower than any other, and very much better. Inquire of any one who is using:
tbem or of Jonas Jonm.
Brt dotp der vay, and der more you lif der1 longer you find it out. I'm bappey mlt my Hamilton Plow, It. makes me laugh and shoud, You know yourself, how fa Hand how Han--na's der matter mil das. It coat me no more as noting now high up datwaa?
A BOY or a giri. an old man,I Bulky Atnod or otd
SAV II or even a man with one leg can l|WM lldofcood work with 1
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Hat Jonas4t Joitis'.
nwnUMleast UYESAJadvantages,Isdiscounts,.
Ir baying the largest lot, TWfreight best Plows the market, are
tiag tbe best paying' freights and having the?
•agfet te ell the
Jonas and Jam
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