Saturday Evening Mail, Volume 2, Number 9, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 26 August 1871 — Page 2

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EXHAUSTIVE SYSTEM OP AQRICUI TURK.—Johnston, in his "Chemistry of •_ Common Life," gives the following graphic description of the system of farming commonly adopted by the first settlers on this continent:

Man exercises an influence on the soil, which is worthy of attentivestudy. He lands in anew country, and fertility everywhere surrounds him. The herbage waves thick and high, and the ^{massive trees sway their proud stems loftily toward the sky. He clears a farm from the wilderness, and ample

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returns of corn repay him for his simpie labors. He plows, liesows, he reaps, and from the seemingly exhaustless bosom tbe earth gives back abundant Jl* harvests. But at length a change appears, creeping slowly over and gradually dimming the smiling landscape.

The corn is first less beautiful, then less abundant, and at last it appears to die altogether beneath the scourge of an nnknown insect or a parasitic funJgus. He forsakes, therefore, his long cultivated farm, and hews out another from the native forest. But the same early plenty is followed by the same vexatious disasters. His neighbors partake of the same experience. They advance like a devouring tide against the verdant woods, they trample them beneath their advancing culture, the axe levels its yearly prey, and generation after generation proceeds in the same direction—a wall of green forests on the horizon before them, a half-de-sert and naked region behind. Such is the history of colonial culture in our own epoch such is the vegetable history of the march of European cultivation over the entire continent of America. No matter what the geological origin of the soil may be or what its chemical composition no matter how warmth and moisture may favor it, or what the staple crop it has patiently yielded from year to year, the same inevitable fate overtakes it. The influence ol long-continued human action overcomes the tendencies of all natural causes. But the influence of man upon the productions of tho soil is exhibited in other and more satisfactory results.

The improver takes tho place of the exhauster, and follows his footsteps on these same altered lands. Over ti sandy and forsaken tracts of Virginia and CarolinaB, he spreads large applications of shelly marl, and the herbage soon covers it again, and profitable crops or he strews on it a thinner sowing of gypsum, and as if by magic, the yield ot previous years is doubled or quadrupled or he gathers tho droppings of his cattle and the fermented produce of his farm-yard, and lays it upon his fields, whon lo! tho wheat comes up luxuriantly again, and the midge and the rust and the yellows all aoar from his wheat, his cotton, lis peach-trees. Hut the renova-

disappt and hi tor marches much slower than tho ox hauster. His materials are collected at tho expense ot both time and money, and barreness ensues from tho easy hilars of the ono, far more rapidly than green herbage can be made to cover it again by tho most skillful, zealous, and assiduous labors of tho other.

THINGS I LIKE TO SKI:.—A correspondent of the Ohio farmer likes to see things as they ought to be and the following are tho things which h,e likes to seo?

I like to soo tho farmer, when ho cuts a Held of grass, mow tho corners of the fence, cutting «U weeds, busies, etc. also around the fields of grain. I like to soo, whon the orchard is pruned, the brush picked up and burned, and not thrown over tho fonce into the highway to become burrows for woodchucks, rabbits, skunks, etc. When a farmer repairs an old fenco I like to seo all piecos of rails either picked up and burned or removed to tho wood-houso for fuel. I like to see all loul weeds destroyed by tho wayside, thus preventing tho seed scattering all over tho flold. I liko to see every farm have a good garden in which aro grown all kinds ot vegetables and small fruits so that tho good housewife ean always provido what to tho laboring man is most acceptable, namoly, a good dinner.

I liko to soo a field, whon plowed for a crop, cleared of all logs and obstructions, so that tho whole field can bo plowed or mown and no part lie useless. I like to seo a field, when planted to corn or potatoes, planted in straVht rows each way the same distance apart, anil then nicely cultivated and hoed, destroying all woods and grass. 1 liko to seo a farmer keep just so much stock as he can keop well and no more, also good stables or sheds to shelter his stock In cold and stormy weather also tho yards HO situated and littered that the tanner and his stock won't have to wallow in the mud knee deep during tho spring and fall months.

I like to see the fiirmor, his boj*s, and hired help, so quiet when around among the horses, cattle, sheep, etc., that there will novor IKJ any stampede tor the further end of the lot. I like to soo good horses well kept and cared for and used as though the driver had a soul—may

lie we will have horses to use

on tho other side of the river who knows? If wo do, ami uso them well here, we may chance to use thorn then?. If not, we will have to take up with Jacks and mules. 1 like to seo all farmers strive to raise bettor a crops, belter horses, bettor cattlo, and better sheep than «helr neighbors— not with a spirit of envy, but in alt good feeling. 1 liko to see young men Improving their morals andVnltlvatlng their minds 8 instead of cultivating a mustache. studying the most genteel way of holding a cigar, or imbibing a little distilled corn juice.

"FKRTII.ITY OK ENGLISH SOIL.—One of the reasons why the tillable soil in England is kept so "fertile is, that fully onethird of the grain of nil sorts which is consumed there is imported, fed to stock, and the manure carefully husbanded. Two-thirds of the Indian corn i" used bv F.nglish farmers Ifr from the

United "States. As high as 7.r»,5Jl) bush-, els has been received from New York in one dav. Farmers are the principal buyers, and they now pay ?!.(* in gold.

TLLKY liOVKTOOOTOSl NUATSrllOOU —All the little bovs in Han Francisco have a puvdonato fondness tor going to Sunday School, because they can vary the monotony of the religious exercises by proving to the pagan Chinamen a whom thev meet In tho streets how blessed are* the influences of Christianity upon the converted mind. They go in gangs—thw Sunday School scholars—and when a Chinaman ap-

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roaches thev get at him and pound to death*with bibles ami literary books, and then pitch pennies with their missionary money to decide which bov shall* have the dead man's queue. T*Hen they go on their way to SH school, and the superintendent gives out the hymn about "The heathen in his blindness."

Young Folks.

ANAGRAMS.

(A set of Anagram letters will be given for the correct solution of those to be drawn by lot:) 1. Man end fault. 6. Lament, Love. 2. Great pean. 7. Bad as morass. 3. ID that basin. & 8. Hail to my clog. 4. A tin scorpion pje 9. Nap punishes. 5. A rogue's out. 10. Men cord this.

SQUARE-WORD.

1. A preposition. 2. A tree. 3. An adverb. 4. Poverty. *1

RIDDLE.

Come, tell who I am, and whence I come, And why I linger in your HEARTH AND

HOME?

Why, when I dwell in skies so blue and

I come to haunt with troubled dreams your sleep? Why, when in seventh heaven I sit enthroned, I cannot rest unless in hell I'm crowned Why evil without me at once would cease, And yet without me no one could make peace Why, when I revel in exhaustless wealth, And add a charm to beauty, love, and health, Why must I come in misery and strife And be to all the last sad end of life?

GEOGRAPHICAL SUGGESTIONS. 1. A kind of leather. 2. A reply to a question about the weather. 3. A remark on the voice of a sick

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4. A friend's reply on being asked what R. can do. 5. A ipan'rf reply when asked what he calls a false statement. 6. A discourteous reply to a bumpkin's question of what some tin vessels were. JACK SPRATT.

DECAPITATIONS.

1. Behead "to consume" and leave "to roll," behead again and leave "to give." HEDWIG. 2. Behead one verb and leave another having the same meaning.

TRANSPOSITIONS,

(Fill the blanks with the same words transposed.) 1. We seldom see in these about 2. Tho merous in

of the church aro ri'ri-

3. Painters should not their MAX MAURICE.

DECAPITATION.

My whole is what farmers are doing in Julv beheaded, I fear many are doing in overy month beheaded again, I am a propeller behead and transpose and lam sometimes used a medicine behead again, I am a preposition now curtail, and leave a pronoun.

It. T. ISVESTES.

ANSWERS TO ENIGMAS, CHARADES AC. IN LAST WEEK'S PAPER.

Cross-Word Enigma, No. 1.—Mount Ararat. Cross-Word Enigma No. 2.—Edenburg.

WORD-SQUARE ENIGMA,

Lf I "SCO I) I A N O E O N I O N

O O N S E N S E

Problem.—Six children each received £200.

THE FRENCH SYSTEM OF VOTING.—It seems that we might copy the French system of voting in some of our large cities, and thereby got rid of the monstrous frauds constantly exercised. Their system is the best in use. Every man of tlio age of twenty-one years is a voter there is no property or educational qualification. Universal suffrage is absolute. Only crime can disfranchise. About a fortnight before any election there is a general registration by officials specially appointed for the purpose, and ovory voter, after being properly registered, is furnished with a certificate. On election day he carries this certificate to the polls, which aro held at tho mairies, or at other public buildings. He first presents himself before an examiner, who inspects his certificate, checks off his name on tho list, tears a pieco from the corner of tho certificate, and returns it to him. He then goes to tho ballot box, hands tho torn certificate to the judge as a voncher that ho has properly passed tho inspection, and deposits his voting ticket in tho urn. The voucher is stuck on a* file and cannot be used a second time. It serves as a tally to the number ot ballots cast, and prevents repeating. Tho formality of voting is a little more complicated than with us, but provision is made for this defect by a greater numtier of voting places, and the security against frauds amply repays any increase of labor and expense.

TOTHK question, Where shall consumptives go in order to recover? Dr. Brewer Mattocks replies, "Minnesota." Its winter climate is equable, its soil and air aro remarkably dry, and the effect of its cold on pulmonary disease is salutary, If not curative. But many Invalids WKU until every other art and resource have been tried in vain, and then having swallowed drugs enough to ml Ace a marble statue to a skeleton, and rendered recovery impossible, they manage to get out to St. Paul, only to be the worse for tho wear ana tear of the journey and the change of air. Theso people Invariably curse tho climate, condemn tho physicians, threaten all manner of bad things against the state which is only suitable for a cemetery, and write to their friends to die elsewhere. Which is doubtless wise. The truth is more people die from neglecting disease, or merely tampering with it, in its first stages than from any other cause and "in more than half the cases that prove fatal the invalid neglected to call in a skilful physiclaa and make a serious business of getting well until beyond tho reach of recovery. Minnesota tnav bo a good place far people who have stamina enough fb stand its tonic air and bracing cold/tat is the graveyard of all others.—Goldek Age.

In the next OM and JVWr, a ••union novel" will be begun, at the suggestion of the editor, the llev. Edward Everett Hale. It w:JI be called "Six of one and half dosenof the other." Mrs. Harriet B«»«cher Stowe will write tho first in-| stalment then Mrs. A. D. T. Whitney I will take it up and write enough for! another anmber Mr*. Lncreti* 1\ Hale, a slater of tile editor, will follow with another number Fred W. Loring, a recent Harvard graduate, another and Mr. Hale will tiring np with the conclusion.

TKRRK-HAUTE SATURDAY EVENING MAIL. AUGUST 26,1871.

EDITORIAL SUCCESS. In reference to the editorial profession, the Cincinnati Commercial of Sanday says: "The editorial' profession In New York seems to be a profitable one, after all—at least to some men. Ten years ago Manton Marble was a reporter on the Evening Post at twenty dollars a week, and about one vears afterward he was engaged on the World at a small salary. He worked along till he got an interest in the World, of which he {i now sole proprietor, with a fortune of a million, all made in the newspaper business. Seven years ago, Jos. Howard was employed as a reporter, or rather as a sort of "soubrette in breeches" on the Times. In the course of his operations he connected himself with the Star, which has proved to be an important concern. He now owns three fourths of its stock, and only last week sold one fourth of his interest for twen-tv-five thousand dollars, so that his three years' work on the Star has given him a property worth one hundred thousand dollars. The young fellows who took hold of the Mail a few years ago have made it very profitable property, and the poor printers who started the" Globe are working up a success. As for the older editors, everybody knows that they have grown enormously rich. Bennett, wno "created the Herald out ot nothing" thirty years ago, is worth five millions. Greeley is worth about a tenth as much—most of which however, he acquired by his 'books. Raymond, who was a smafl salaried writer in 1850, died, two years ago, a rich man. Bryant, of the Post is rich Halleck of the Journal of Commerce, is rich Hastings of the Commercial Advertiser, is rich Dana, of the Sun, has made a fortune at his profession in three years. It must be evident to anybody who wants to get rich that the best thing to do is to start a daily newspaper in New York.

REMOVAL OF FRECKLES. Freckles, so persistently regular in their annual return, have annoyed the fair sex from time immemorial and various means have been devised to eradicate them, although thus far with no decidedly satisfactory results. The innumerable remedies in use for the removal of these vexations intruders are either simple and harmless washes, such as parsley or horse-radish water, solutions of borax, etc., or injurious nostrums, consistingprincipally of lead and mercury salts.

If the exact cause of freckles were known a remedy for them might "be found. A chemist in Moravia, observing the blfeaching effect or mercurial preparations, inferred that the groth of a local parasistical fungus was the cause of the discoloration of the skin, which extended and ripened its spores in the warmer season. Knowing that sulpho-casbolate of zine is a deadly enemy to all parasitic vegetation (itself not being otherwise injurious), he applied this salt for the purpose of renowing the freckles. The compound consists of two parts of sulpho-carbolate of zinc, twenty-five parts of distilled glycerine, twenty-five parts of rose-water, and five parts of scented alcohol, and is to be applied twice daily for from half an hour to an hour, then washed off with cold watea. ........ ^....

CHEAP TEA VEL.

The cheapness of modern travel is strikingly illustrated by the rates of faro on this route. You can go fjom Niagara to Montreal for thirteen dollars from Niagara to Quebec and return to Montreal for eighteen dolrar& from Niagara to New York, by way of Montreal. Plattsburgh, Lake Champlain, Lake George, Saratogft and Albany, for twenty-seven dollars. This includes meals and state rooms as far as Montreal. From Niagara to NewYork, by way of Montreal, Quebec, Sherbrooke, Lake Memphremagog, White Mountains, Concord and Boston —a route affording every possible variety of scenery and experience—tlio fare is only forty-eight dollars. From tho Falls, tho pleasure-seeker may take any one of forty-eight trips, arranged by tho railway and steamboat companies of Canada, New England and Now York, the costliest of which—covering a period of perhaps two weeks and including every point of interest on tho St. Lawrence and tho principal resorts of Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, New York and Massachusetts—involves an expenditure for fare of only forty-eight dollars, while tho cheapest —from tho Falls toKingston—including travel by rail and steamer and a visit to Toronto, can be made for tho paltry sum of eight dollars.

REFORMING OTHER PEOPLE. Probably the greatest proportion of tho troubles incident to married life ariso from the habit too many have or endeavoring to reform the other. Probably the reason why the late Nathnniel Hawthorne and his wife lived so happily together was tho absence of this feeling on her pnrt. George William Curtis, in "Harper's Magazine" for August, says that Mrs. llawthorno's wifely ministration was as daintily done* as Ariel's spiriting, which was instinctive toafino nature defiling with an individuality so rare as Hawthorne's and a habit so shy. She was very social he had grown up entirely in the shade, and wholly unused to society and as thoy were "both more than thirty years old when thoy wore married, she felt that it was too late to attempt to break up his secluded habits. And there was this advantage even in bis extreme and, as it sometimes seemed to strangere, morbid shyness, that it had become an impregnable barrier against the intrusion of strangers. His wife thought that the work he had to do in the world was too important to allow any time to be wasted in attempting to reform his social habits. Many other wives could take a profitable lesson from hor.

COAHTES IN ANCIENT TIMES.—Although the vehicle known as a coach was not introduced into England till the year 1580, duringthe reign of Queen Elisabeth, yet tho ladios in England used to ride in carriages called whirlicotes, for wo find it recorded that in 1300 the mother of Richard II., who accompanied him in his flight, rode in a vehicle so designated. Strange as the notion inay seem to us now, riding in coaches was considered so effeminate in men that in 1601, the year before Queen Elizabeth died, an Act of Parliament was passed to prohibit them from Indulging in so enervating a luxury— and twenty-five years afterward hackney coachos were* introduced.

Wis., whose politeness leads him to extremes at times. He was driving a cow the other day through the street, when a ladv acquaintance bowed to bim, and in the excitement of the moment, he lifted his hat in the accepted stylo to the cow, and let fly a big bowlder with the other hand at the lady. The cow was greatly surprised at the occurrence, and the laav's doctor bill cost the polite gentlemen

TELLING STORIES,

Nearly everybody thinks be can tell a story, and nearly everybody tells a story when he ean. Story-telling is one of the rarest accomplishments. Ninety-nine men out of every hundred who attempt a story bore their hearers. And the hundreth man is just barely endurable.

As stoiy-telling is generally conducted under our imperfect civilization, we are not entertained at all, and therefore under no obligation. It is the narrator whom we oblige by listening— when we are obliged to.

We have heard a thousand men attempt to tell stories in our brief wrestle with the world, the flesh, Ac., yet we know but two good story-tellers. The remaining nine hundred and nine-ty-eight thought they could tell a story, but the trouble was no one else coincided with them.

Of all bores, the story-telling bore is the worst. Under the guise of entertaining, he subjects you to the very refinement of torturej We have heard all his stories a hundred times, and could probably tell them better than he. He pounces down upon you at all times and in all places. No use to plead urgent business or other engagement. He seizes you by the collar on the street or pens you up in the corner of a room and you must hear it whether you will or no.

A few years ago a society was formed in New "York for the suppression of story-tellers. Artemus Ward, Dan Bryant, Billy Florence, and men of that ilk constituted the active members. Their plan was, when a man commenced a story, to get up and saunter away one at a time, leaving the unhappy man to complete his narration to the chairs and other articles of furniture.

One day Dan Bryant so far forgot himself as to begin a story, forc-iBly brought to bis recollection by some incident of the occasion. Ward got up and sauntered out, whistling a low, melancholy air.

One by ono the remainder followed suit, with troubled looks and a sad shake of the head, sometimes sighing deeply. By the time Dan had reached the middle of his story he was alone. As tbe last man passed out Dan turned to a picture of George Washington hanging on the wall, and remarking:

Here, old fellow, you've got to hear the rest of this story I'd like to see you get down and walk off on your ear," completed his narrative, the Father of his Country and Governor Posv, of Indiana, listening to him with tliat calm benignity so characteristic of him. It is needless to say, the storyextinguishers, who were listening outside, enjoyed this part of the yarn at least.

Speaking of Washington, he couldn't tell a story, and readily acknowledged it. He told his father he couldn't when a little boy, although as things then looked a story would" have let him out. It is a pity there are not more people ready to say with Washington, "I can not tell a story, and never try it.'V#*

LA FITTES TREAS URE. Many unsuccessful searches have been made for the treasure supposed to have been buried by the pirate Lafitte on some one of the islands on the Gulf of Mexico, some eighty miles from New Orleans. One of the pirate's men, when dying, gave a family named Newell, who had befriended him,a diagram and written description ot the exact spot where this hoard of wealth was buried. Mr. Newell made three attempts to reach the place, but on the first voyage was shipwrecked, on the second his partner was sunstruck, and on the third voyage Mr. Newell liim-*" self, was taken suddenly ill, and also died. But Mr. Newell had a son, then a young man and a printer, working in the office of the New Orleans Picayune, who resolved to try to accomplish what his father could riot. Therefore, some three years ago, young Newell fitted out a small vessel and made the voyage to within sight of the island, whon a violent storm came on and his vessel was wrecked. One year after this lie made another attempt to reach the island but was again wrecked. A month ago ho fitted up another vessel, and made a third trial to obtain the golden treasure. A week ago his lifeless body was picked up near the Ri^olets, floating in the muddy waters ot Lake Pontchartrain, perforated by two bullet holes. There seems to te a singular fatality accompanying the spot where Lafitte buried liisspoils. Every person who has yet attempted to approach that island with the object of unearthing his treasures has meta sudden death. 'b

IN 1830 there was only one scientific man in all England, who belioved that a locomotive "would work"—had a sufficient hold on the rails to move a train. That man was Mr. Stephenson, the father of English railroads. Some persons recommended working tho cars, along the line, by water-power. Some proposed hydrogen, others carbonic acid, others atmospheric pressure. One urged a plan for a greased road with cog-rails various kinds of steam-pow-er wero suggested and the directors were wholly unable to choose between tho conflicting schemes.

At length the subject was referred to a select committee of engineers, who reported in favor of fixed engines in preference to locomotive poweiv

Here was the result of all George Stephenson's labors. The \two best practical engineers of the day Concurred in reporting against the employment of the locomotive. Not a single professional man of eminence could be found to coincide with him in his preference for locomotion over fixed engine-power. Stephenson, however, was a man of back-bone, and as not to be "poohpoohed" out of court.

A HOOSIER housewife furnishes this, as the original recipe for making the genuine and world-famous Indiana gingerbread: Git your ginger melt molasses till it biles over melt the butter till It's thin stir it through the molasses candy multiply by wet sugar thrash some clover ana maryander seed, and grind them together git a twelve-pound sack of flour on credit two enps of sour oil of klne beat somebody out of the eggs beat the eggs strain them to subtract the shells line the pan with red flannel saturate with equal parts of coal tar and strong butter, and pour the mixture in. Bake till it tastes good.

HERE IS what the Chicago TYuwa calls a "religious item:" A youngster, while perusing a chapter In Genesis, turning to bis mother inqnired if the people in those days used to do sums on the ground. It was discovered that he had been reading the passage, "And the sons of men multiplied upon the face of the earth."

HE has just departed from Springfield, Mam., at the age of 105 years, more or less. He was an Irishman, and hia name it was Stephen Iiieonard. He could chop three acres of cord wood, and eat four pounds of beefsteak at a meal, without spectacles, np to the time ot his death.

ALL ABOUT MY CAT.

rA correspondentJof the Ohio Faimer savs: I am going to tell the children some stories about my cat, and if Mr. T. W. Higginson, who, we are told, is to lecture next winter on "Thinking Animals," should happen to overhear them, he Is welcome to use them if he wants to, with the assurance that they are true as truth itself.

My cat has a very delicate organization, and has always objections to raise

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lying on a hard oed or in a cold je. Last winter I sat a good deal in a little room which was very cozy and warm, so much so that puss generally chose to sit there with me when she had leisure. There was one low and very soft cushioned seat, for which puss and I had a great many contests. When she got tired of the inhospitable oil cloth behind tie stove, she would come to me, smell all around the chair, put two paws in my lap and look up with a face that said as plainly as words: "You are a big woman, I'm nothing but a poor little cat, can't you give me that seat?" If I left it an instant to reach a book or put coal iu the stove, up went puss on the instant, and settled herself with the utmost nonchalance in the coveted place.

Once alter coaxing me in vain a good half hour she left apparently inahun,and sitting down by tne door mawed to be let out. "Poor old speckle," said I, "you've given it up at last," and rose up to open the door. No sooner, however, was I fairly out of that chair than she trotted and jumped into it. Now did the cat reason or not

Had this happened only once I should have called it "accidental," but it did happen at least half a dozen times, and no one who saw it thought anything else than that the cat mewed at the door with deliberate intent to "invest" that chair as soon as I should be out of it.

In the sitting room puss had a piece of carpet behind the stove for her lounging place. I have often seen her when a hot fire made her place uncomfortable, take the bit of carpet in her teeth and drag it a little one side.

One day I was lying in bed sick, and had by me a paper bag containing a few crackers. Puss is always perfectly irrepressible when crackers are about so I was not surprised to see her bouncing upon the oed, and her delicate, white nose go diving into the cracker bag. After I had given her a pretty good meal ot them, I hid the bag under some newspapers that lay on tlio bed,

but the keen nose soon smellod them out. So then I tied a string tightly around the top of the bag and wondered what she would do next. Well this is what she did. She stepped with her fore feet on one end of the bag to hold it down, and then by backward strokes with the claws of her hind feet (as you have seen cats do in mock fights with their kittens) tore a hole in the bag. I thought this very wonderful for a cat, but people I told it to didn't seem to mind it much, so I thought I would just write it out for tho little folks, who would be sure to appreciate it.

CIRCUMSTANCES ALTER CASES. Not many years ago, two Frenchmen one wealthy, and in possession of ready cash, and the other pOop and penniless —occupied by chance the same room in a suburban hotel. In the morning the "seedy" ono arose first, took from his pocket a pistol, and holding it to his own forehead, and backing against the, door, exclaimed to his horrified coinpan ion:

It is my last desperate resort I am penniless and tired of life give me five hundred francs, or I will instantly blow out my-brains, and you will be arrested as a murderer 1"

The other lodger found himself the hero of rather an unpleasant position, but the cogency of his companion's argument struck him "cold." He quietly crept to his pantaloons, handed over the amount, and the other vamosed, after locking the door on the outside.

Hearing of this, another Frenchman, of very savage aspect, one night tried to room with a tall, raw-boned gentleman from Arkansas, who had been rather free with his money during the day, and evidently had plenty more behind. Next morning, "Pike'' awakening, discovered his room mate standing over him with a pistol leveled at his own head, and evidently quaking with agitation. "What the deuce aro you standin' thar for in the cold said Pike, propping himself on his elbow, and coolly surveying tho Gaul. "I am desperate!" was tho reply. "You give me one hundred dollars or I will blow out my brains I" "Well, then, blow an' bo darn'd J" replied Pike, turning over. "But you vil be arrested for ze murdairo !"*persistod the Gaul, earnestly. "Eh, what's that?" said Piko. "Oh, I see and suddenly drawing a revolver and a five pound bowie knifo from under his pillow, ho sat upright. "A man may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb," ho coolly remarked, and at the word ho started for tho Gaul. But the latter was too nlmblo the "hoss-pistol," innocent of lead, exploded in the air, and with one frantic leap our little Frenchman was standing in his night-robe at the foot of tho staircase—a proof that what may suit for one latitnde will not answer for another.

HIFALUTIN.

In a certain drug-store in tills city there is a clerk somewhat celebrated among bis acquaintances as a con doctor of puns and the uttererof dry jokes. He is a boyish-looking youth, and officiates, when his services are required, behind tho soda-fountain.

A few mornings since, a fashionably dressed, poetical-looking young gentleman entered, and, seating himself on a stool in front of the counter, in achoice selection of terms requested the clerk to prepare him a seidlitz powder.

The following conversation, ridiculous in its oarnustness, resulted: Clerk—With sirup?

Customer (slowly and methodically) —I require it not as a refreshment. If the sirup vitiate not the effect of the compound, you may minglo with it such an amountof tne sulmtanceas will render the composition palatable. Or, to be better understood

Clerk interrupting)—I comprehend you perfectly. Permit me to assure you that the tendency of the sirup will rather enhance than diminish the purgative virtues of the drug. Customer (indignant at observing that his style is afTected by the other)—Then proceed, miracle of medical literature and wisdom!

Clerk—With dispatch, oonfounder of fools. Customer—Then, if not struck motionless. nse haste.

All tnis was so quietly, so politely said, that, although ainuseq beyond ex pression at the conversation, I stared in wonder at the parties. The clerk evidently felt cut at tbe last remark of the other, but mixed the powder, which tbe stranger triumphantly swallowed, paid lor, and started to leave the store, when—

Clerk—Should you feel any uneasiness in tbe region of the stomach with-

in the period of fifteen minutes, illustrious patron, attribute thocause to the accidental introduction into the dmught you have just taken of some drug of vigorous effect and painful consequence.

Customer (a trifle frightenedV-If I do, d—n you, I'll punch your head! Clerk—1 thought I'd bring you down to plain English but I guess you'll find the powder all right.—[Exit customer, with coat-tail standing straight out.]

HAVE WE A HEALTHY MAN AMONG US! It is the custom now a-dayB, in speaking of the physical condition of the American people, to assume that whatever characteristics belonging to it are to be traced back to woman and as even the oasual observer perceives that we, as a people, are subject to various weaknesses or disorders, the consequence is that the delicate shoulders of woman are weighed down with a heavy bundle of complaints and advioe. Against this we protest. It is not courteous, to say the least and besides, the assumption is unsupported. When it comes to matter of health, the question is not one of sex, but of race and although it is undoubtedly true that no people can long maintain itself without nealthy fathers.

Have we a healthy man among us Yes, as individuals, but be is not what is called, in current talk, "the average man." This is the land of patent medicines, and the supply is according to the demand.

There are two specific causes for the ill-health of men. In the first place, every man is trying to get on in life. We begin when we are boys. No one is born to a place in society. Every one is told and feels that he must make tor himself a place. And also, that ho may step higher up. he is continually aiming at star rather than a reo, or often exhausts himself in seeking that which is still beyond him.

In the second place, the pleasures of men often injure thorn. The young man at college rows himself out ol health, while the mau of business mistakes Excitement for pleasure. There must be something pungont and almost acrid about even the occupations of a day of leisure. There is no time in these days.tor one to sit in the sun and sing old songs.

Something more is charged upon woman. In her devotion to fashion it is said that she renders herself unfit to become a mother. But how is it with men Has not indulgence as often ruined the father as fashion the mother! N. Y. Evening Post.

THE STORY OF A FOX. The ltov. Charles D. Nott, of St. Louis, semis to the New York "Independent" a story'suggested by the romark of Dr. McCosh, that he had "doubts whether the lower animals can abstract, whether they can generalize." "A former pastor of mine, says Mr. Nott, "told mo the following: Whon a boy, he had a fox, which I regret to say, bore the reputation of possessing far more brain "than personal piety. This fox was kept in the vard in a sort of raised den, nicely sodded over, and was confined by a chain that allowed him quite a generous circumference. One evening in the fall, tho farm wagon, returning from tho field with a load of corn, passed near the den, and by chance droppetl an ear where tho fox could reach it. He was soon to spring out, seize tho corn, and carry it quickly back into the den. What he wanted with it was a mystery, as corn formed no part of the gentleman's diet. The nexf, morning, however, the mystery #as solved, lOr the lo* waS Observed,, out of his den, and considerably wlth-4 in the length of his chain, nibbling off some of tho corn and scattering it about in full view of tho poultry, after which ho took tho remainder back into the den and awaited events. Sure onough the chickens came, and while eating, out sprang the fox, nabbed his man, and quietly took his breakfast in the back parlor. Now it seems to me this is pretty good "generalizing." The fox may not have reasoned upon the most sublime theme imaginable. I regret to say he did not and for that matter, neither does Colonel James Fisk, Jr. But if heCdidn't ovolvo that chicken out of the depths of his own consciousness, then tliere is no such thing as logic.

A YOUNG man of a practical joking turn of inind (says tho Dubuque, Iowa, Times) recently persuadod a wellknown and mischievous mule-colt into a lager boor saloon of that city. The Teutonic keeper of tho saloon stood still and thoughtful a minute, swelling perceptibly about tho chest, and growing facetio'usly earnest, and then began the Eng-Doutschlish "Soo here. Vonce I know dat dls is, here, your own bruder, but he be one you call a minor—ho ish to much young to drink his glass lager— it is not for the law in no place, nor mit my saloon. He look liko you you may be one good family, as you call it, but if you ever bring dat young man bruder hero again, 1 will schust tell your old farder jackass of vou both. Now you schust go along mit yourself." The young man and the mule just went out.

THE Emperor and Empress of Brazil will spend the winter until February In Rome. Slavery is to be abolished in Brazil, and the Instrument ol abolition will be executed in Rome, and signed by tho Pope.

THE London underground railway costs four million dollars a mile.

THK FARMEII'S FIUKNUORAIW

DRILL IS the only two-horse

Grain Drill, Jn the country. For

sale by JON:

sale, by JONES A JONES.

Price* nn«l Terms «f the FARM

ERS FRIES IJKI I.I' will be gov

erned by tl».T nrxt-daM drills

sold low

sold as low as any and on jiwtas good terms.

TUB FAISMKK"* KKIKNU PHILI.

sows equally well on all kind*

of land, whether hilly or level.

The Hoes can be set either In-a r.iz-zag or In a single row. Everybody who has ever Itought

QnsiQ

the FARMKR'S FRIKXIJ DuiLLor

'liad anything to do with ltr-say

It 1* Joitt the

It Is Just the thing. JONES ON KM havea new stock

of HAYILTOK PLOWS. Every

body who bought spring

says they are the best. Every one warranted—no work no pay.

Call for the AMERICAN CIPKK

Mili,, 20 per cent, more cider

[made from it than any other.

Handsomest and be*' In the market. JONES A JONES have it.