Saturday Evening Mail, Volume 2, Number 4, Terre Haute, Vigo County, 22 July 1871 — Page 6

For It Is over, dear. Your careless touch Can thrill or start no quiet pulse of mine The voice whose magic woed and won so much,

Unheeded may its tenderest spells combine. The strange, dark eye* their wonted glances i\ steal,

But not to melt or fire me any more, And coldly turning from the inutfe appeal, I answer that their pristine might o'er.

A little sorry and a little vexed. With Just a touch of mirth, a touch of shame, And at my old entrancernent quite perplexed,

I think of hew we played our idle game. 1, who to-night can neither laugh nor sigh. Gave many an honest smile, an honest tear, To our fair folly, born of vanity,

And dead of—well, we carve no tonibstones, dear! I said, Just now, a certain phrase you used,

Trying to wake again the old, sweet thrill, That In the pretty words so much abused. We vow^d nor time could change, nor tide could chill. I said it, all alone, with lips that fain

Had trembled in the loving wont of old could not wake the perished spark again, The lire is out—the very hearth is cold.

{xmie clasp my hand in frank, free guise, my friend. •Let the dead past bury Its foolish dead rt the dark curtain fail, the pageant end.

And pass on with'calm, untroubled dread.

YSa

'Forgive,forget,each

l"ciJtr."

1lllh 18

Sm°0tli'

And so with julet, unregretful tlioueht,

It is well, and all Is over, dear:

Vet a strange bitterness Is in the word*. A sullen sadness swells to eye and heart, A moan swells sudden from Uie stricken chords,

Oh, the fair, soulless dream is loth to part! A would not let a weary anger creep Kou-od that sweet memory of our long ago.

Weak wiJU co!i love! that clasp'd yet could not keep, But there, is all over, better so!

rFor the Saturday Evening Mail.]

What I Know About .Shakspeare and His Works.

11Y JINOO.

F/r.

II A

Hamlet,

Prince of Denmark, a lead

ing. an.I in some sense, indispensable character in the play which bears his name, and to whom frequent allusion is made in many places throughout this particular dramatic composition, was the reputed son of his supposed father, Hamlet sen.,

King

the

from the municipal

Wo mlg4r

tinlesEv's

{e.iml

^tiSSHaa..

GOOD-B YE. axiom that "tfie King can do no wrong. Any corner rooster of average caliber, whose range of useful knowledge, and regard for the requirements of common decency and the proprieties of life are ordinarily about as comprehensive as the abbreviated caudle extremity of a mutilated cur, will at least be able to impart the really valuable information that thfe was not a judicious compounding of beverages, and that, with immoderate indulgence,it usually ultimates in certain lively hallucinations which admit the subject of them to cheerful 'and exhilarating views of large, promiscuous, and carefully selected assortments of snakes and other ptiles of playful habits, and sprightlv and amusing eccentricities. All of which gave color to the popular interpretation that his majesty had lit out from the effects of a high old drunk.

what the other wrought, only his Uncle Claudius, but his moth-

thU

of Denmark.

Wo use tho qualifying words advisedly, for it

cannot

bo denied that the in

discreet, not to say incontinent, behavior of the Queen, his mother, in her ili-advised relations with her husband's brother Claudius, goes far to discredit hoc marital fidelity, and forcibly carries

mind in a retrospective direc.

•lion, oppressing it with painful .speculations as to the precise extent of llu1 proprietary interest which tho

Iving may have had in any of the Hamiet progeny. That the poison of this suspicion had entered the old man's mind would appear from tho casual remark he made just before giving up

knows his own son." This apparently cynical observation may simply hare hiiil reference to young Hamlet's general habits, but a more reasonable preMimtion is that it contemplated the] arid question of paternity. ,1Mhose

,, .. to realize on tho investment, 1 allusions to the domestic rda ..s{)|n(lUli„

lions of the parties we l«g lea*® to state, are

not

made without

sidioient

warrant, hut lest the exliihiti'11 the naked truth, without

speeal permit

antilogies,

of ch»'/'-.v

lor

might

subject us to tho usun' penalties attached to the violntior eity ordinance, and perhaps -diock the moral sensibilities of threader, which is a matter of groateK011^'1'". we will put 4he nude thing*1 of sight for the present, and covert up wit lithe first avail

1 1 1

able cast— n^'.v P«ir of breeches of the creditable to the parties, and might be pence «f proper si/.e and pattern, profitably imitated by many in the

ar so much mistiness, and has become jf thoroughly permeated with the vile odors absorbed from corrupt, practices and flagrant immoralities, that we deem the garment no longer a suitable shield for common offences against decency and good morals. The Queen's alleged complicity in her husband's summiry "taking oil'," however, is quite another mutter, and will justify a closer analysis of the facts.

As to the runwrnt manner of the King's death, his Majesty, in a private and ghostly interview with his son, said ***TN «tvenout that sleeping in mine orch«!t.

A serpent stung me so the whole car of 1 Vuiunrk 1 by a forced process of my death

Ibinkty t»bused." We regret the necessity ot brand hi this us a clear mis-statement of the eon-

..... .. I humbler walks of life.

conclusively from the crown-

or'* quest," that he had I teen d«t in his cups tho previous night, and that he had hnrrndently mi set

oursull of the mantle |{ut the crowning proof of guilt was

t'da purpose, but that reserved for the ghost of Hamlet's

^nu.J used anil greatlv abused article father. 'I he previous mention of 11amrearing apparel IIMS served toe,,ver!

1,it'st,.fat!l,01

terkjk,-"A aute

Hamlet, however, was too familiar with the invulnerable nature of the old gentleman's iron-clad stomach to be taken in with any such thin stuff, and went moping about nursing suspicions of foul play, implicating not

I er as well. That these suspicions were

weil

c,roUnded would apoear from the

following circumstances,

For instance,

the Queen was observed, for some time before her husband's death, to apply herself with unwonted devotion to the King's personal comfort and happiness, and had openly manifested, in public I intercourse with him, a degree of affeciionate regard and a tender solicitude and respectful consideration which, considering their relations as man and wile, were neither in strict compliance with the exactions of good taste, or justified by the requirements of polite society. It must be confessed that this unseemly deportment of her Majesty had an ugly look, and plainly indicated some covert purpose of domestic treason and conjugal infidelity.

Hamlet also noticed that of late his Uncle Claudius had shown an unaccustomed interest in the family by borrowing small sums of money, and by accepting the Queen's repeated invitations to attend tho Theatre Comique and other refined and moral entertainments whenever trie King was absont at tho "lodge." Nor had Hamlet forgotten the night when his uncle had stolen at a late hour into his bed chamber and sportively turned on the gas with the view of ascertaining by actual experiment how long tha heir-appar-ent's respiratory functions could sustain a healthlul play with a largely insufficient supply of oxygen. And divers other extraoidinary freaks which bore to Hamlet a sinister aspect.

These suspicions of a conspiracy against the King's life were farther confirmed by t!»e circumstance of Claudius and the (^ueon having been found, immediately after their return from tho luners.1 obsequies, in close conference aver a life insurance policy

ItfCtt

rotton in

properly enough refused to comply with her Majesty's demand until he could have an opportunity of consulting with Myriek. This abortive attempt to replenish the royal exchequer had the effect of postponing the Queen's marriage with Claudius for several weeks, and it was not until the expiration of the third month after the ing's death that this interesting event was consummated. Whatever degree of suspicion Hamlet may have attached to tho circumstances of this alliance, it at least furnishes an illustrious example of considerate and virtuous forbearance

J11"'*?*

'«a

iven

lls PnUrG

,!„• Ulu nr* "l.'V

,, —»t with no visible means of

temporary quarters in his Majesty's support, when his ghostship flopped a

laots. This version of the matter ob- IweRward summerset over O'Mara's tamed universal credence at the ^°®d. slapped Brasher in the face and

I lager with

his Sch tit un-Schnapps. Now the King committed a gTa\r vrror In this, and furnished the world xiitb a triom- uinau, [K'nunm ineiMs, .MarxTllus gl phant refutation of th? prepastorott'* Hudson and Horatio Hook. Marvel- has its tray on thesill.

tlw

ghost must be taken 111 purely coll

ventionalsense.for it is well known that he did not give it up at all, but took it with him for purposes which will soon appear. The ghost's revelation, which fixed the guilt of murder on Claudius, came about in this way

Francisco Brasher and llcrnardo O'Mara. two worthy and vigilant municipal guardians of the night, were slo\\ly and wearily making their accustomed rounds near the hour of early dawn, when they encountered an apparition which thoroughly neutralized the effect of the last cocktail and set up each individual hair of their heads in business on its own account. It was the ghost of Hamlet's father raniring around promiscuously. Having

been accustomed of late to the f.imiliur eompauionship of spirits, it had instinctively turned into tiie Planet saloon for the probable purpose of extending its acquaintance, but a glance at the scurvy looking fellows arranged demurely on the shelf satisfied him

that they didn't Ixdongto his sot,and had I just passed onto the sidewalk with an

dltion of popular opinion at the time, air ofdisappointment, when he brought and cannot resist chaiaeteriadng it as a "P to faes? wilh the guards on dudMngeuuous. puerile and unworthy

insisted ol

-ittemnt !o-ibnse the miii.I rw* ilo au clong.deil shirt and a seedy looking life of ('ali.ornia, and punches him up .ut pt to abuse the mind of the unso- old pair of noccasms which had bor- because he did not take its advice and phislicated In nee in resrard to the? rowed

duplicated Prince in regard to the n.wod fn.n the ghost of Tecum- sUiv then\ instead of hiring out to Oslamnging reports afloat respecting his

r°r

•coding his death. In a literal f«pnse vptible smile, that the altitudinous then' waa uio serpent in the case, and I temperature of the cliaiate from then- were not half a soor. in all Den- ^'uHrveLrZ/nli'a of the Failure nioro elaborate murk who entertained any such belief. toilet. Yhough plied with repeated The current and general opinion on th« interio jatories concerning its identity contrary was, that the serpent alluded and family connections, its business on .» the street at that untimelv hour, and to was a figment of the Kings brain ntber questions touching" its present a phantom #f the mind a spectral il -j purposes and future plans, nothing sat lusion an imaginary many-headed '"factory could be elicited, and the po-

oeeasion. It frankly

Saturday

las belived but Horatio was skeptical. By arrangement the latter two kept watch the night following, when the ghost again appeared, and the same questions were asked and like answers returned as before. Horatio convinced, related what he had seen to Hamlet. The latter expressed'a desire to interview his father's ghost on its next return to earth, and wished to bedetailed for special police duty on the following night, but Marcellus and Horatio, with an eye to the propriety and eternal fitness of things, suggested a seance at Pence's hall adjoining the castle, and arranged for an interview accordingly. The party met as arranged at an early hour,and engaged in a game of poker.ten cent ante, until such tiuie as the King's ghost was wont to put in an appearance. At 12 o'clock sharp,Horatio, as master of ceremonies, gave three distinct knocks, and with sepulchral voice summoned his Majesty's gho9t to appear. A sulphurous odor soon began to diffuse itself throughout the room articles of furniture became uiyteriously agitated and engaged in indecorous double shuffles wierd stratus of music, in a horn, floated upon the air and a misty and ethereal forui wormed itself through a knot hole in the floor, and a moment afterward what was left of defunct majesty sJood before them in shirt and moccasins, panting, weary and travel-stained.

Marcellus and Horatio, bv reason of their long and familiar relationship with spirits, were proof against surprise and faced this august presence with marvellous composure, but the Prince was for a moment disconcerted by the novelty of the situation and edged in behind Horatio, but encouraged by the inoffensive manner and mild disposition of the ghost, sooa emerged and took the old gentlen*,an cordially l*,y the hand, and having inquired V.ter his health and passing some co'.nmonplace remarks a'oont the weather, the crops, etc., expressed some natural surprise at the geu-jral airiness and simplicity of his father's undress uni/orm. In answer :^s to where he har\ procured this unique costume, he replied that, immediately on the eve of 1ns departure from his late headquarters, he had, by lucky chance, dropped into Joe F„rlanger's establishment, and while passing through the "readymade" department waiting for some abatement, of the frantic rush ol customers, was struck with the peculiar style arAdgeneral make up of this particular suit, and finding it lxarked dowri so far below what the other stores were asking for precise^ the same article, he at once acceded to the terms, handed tho jaded looking clerk a check for the amount, and put himself inside of it. There was an atdible smile when he added, that howe\er ludicrous this costume might appear to those present, it was recognized! as a full party dress by the elite wheie he came from, and was habitually Worn on all state occasions, and at his Satanic Majesty's receptions!and other public entertainments of ajashionable and select character. Desring to conciliate his son's good opinioj as tar as possible, ho farther added, an apologetic manner, that he had indeed, in order to provide against the possible contingency of being invited o* to tea during his necessarily brief 4ay, packed away in his valise a scc«idliand fine-tooth comb and paper colar, but on making application for his ossify informed that he ccfld

port was mildly not bo furnished with transportai

fy»31jitesty had secured iu dliiig for two liundred and sev

.Ktna.ca enty three dollars. Karly on the lollow.lig morning Mrs. Hainlet, accompanied by Claudius, made application iv the oflice lor the amount insured, out Lew Hagar, the Company's genial accommodating agent believing from the indecent hasto manifested to that there ng rotten in Denmark,"

for that additional amount of freiht, as tho company's rolling stock ras limited, and etrrjfi^j-oU, f..- *iie /VSbi part, in the importation of fuel ft domestic purposes. I

Thus, beguiled by agreeable' and

chatty conversation, time passedepiekly, and the King's ghost was aibionished by the crowing of the cocli that his furlough had about expiredV He advanced to bid his son good-bye lhen the latter asked him if he had liiything of a special or personal natun to communicate before he left. Hereplied after thoughtfully musing fo\ a moment as though he were endeavoring to recall something forgotten, thit, since his son had called his attention to the matter, he believed there !/rs a little affair about which ho desired to speak privately, but which, for tie time, had entirely escaped his recollettion. At Hamlet's suggestion, Matcellns and Horatio reluctantly vaealal tho ranclie, when the ghost, in a parojvsm of gushing confidence, told bin all. We have too high a regard for tie sanctity of the occasion and tho inviolable nature of the pledge of secret' imposed on us, to reveal what was sau.

Whatever may have been the nature of the revelations made to him, enoufh leaked out to satisfy the euriois that Ilamlet's worst suspicions of lis Un«le Claudius were confirmed. Fran that time he merged, by an easy transition, into a condition "of semf-lunaiy, and went prowling around makiig mysterious threats against his fathir-in-law, but ho died without accunplishing these high resolves from an overdose of poison administered by Doctor Laertes, on the point of a sword. The closing scene was somewhat dramatic, but of no public interest.

Hamlet's treatment of Ophelia vas shabby. Devoted to her, for a ti«ie, with an ardor compared to which the love of Romeo and Juliet was, as it were, but cold potatoes, lie soon went back on her, and refused longer to furfurnish her wilh confectioneries and drives, and escort to minstrel entertainments, and soon, but eooly offered her instead, a nunnery. A breach of promise suit was urged by,some interested parties, but the heart broken girl had the good sense to drown herself. Cruel, inconstant Hamlet. Poor, wronged Ophelia.

u'os.

and delightful

And this is what..I.know about the play ol Hamlet. 1

TIIK Pittsburgh 'nmmerrial says that Rret Harte sighs for the .free and easv

for a tcrm

n.n,W

the advice now"

ineauviee now.

niaitsibilitv fbr it fn«o thin air. leaving nothing from*London speaksof the foodiiew for jjjj JjI"".»nenl_of his promise to make trom U* xtreme plausibility, fbr It ap- behind it but a streak of blue flame flowers of the Londoners, and says that 2|

evening mail! july 22.1871.

"THATSTOVE IS HOLLAR."

Mr. Davenport, a gentleman appointed at considerable expense to assist Secretary Boutwell in carrying on the Treasury Department, was sitting on a three legged stool in that gorgeous palace devoted to the nation's finances, giving himself up to sublime emotions and a hum sandwich, when two ladies appeared, and approaching the financial agent spoke to him concerning a certain cooking stove. The financial agent, balanced on that hijjh stool, was so astonished that he immediately ceased masticating his ham sandwich, and with Some in liis mouth and more in his hand gazed at the two females. These specimens of the gentler sex evidently meant business. Their eyes said "biz," and armed with cotton umbrellas, real old family affairs of heavy caliber, they gesticulated in a way to strke terror to the soul of Davenport, financial agent and assistant secretary.

Mr. Davenport, that stove I bought of you is hollar." Davenport, official agent, bolle down his mouthful of ham sandw ich, and said:

Stoves are hollow-war^, madam, so designated in schedule ten and book eighteen."

Don't care for ths^t, Mr. Davenport: I tell you that stoj you sold me ain't got no insides."/ •'Well, madame, did I ever say that stove had bowels No, madame."

Bowels,—bowels yourself. I ain't goin' to

}je

put off this way. I brought

my neighbor, Mrs. Penny whistle, along as a witness. Didn't I Susan indeed you did, and I do witness ar.d I warn you, young man, that I continue to witness—so be careful."

Yes and she went down on her two blessed knees and looked in that stove, and she's ready to make affidavit that there is no insides to that stove."

And who in the devil ever said there was? Isold you a stove, I didn't sell you insides." "Now, don't swear, Mr. Davenport. Don't use profane language in the presence of ladies."

Well, what are you going to do about it?" cried the Assistant Treasurer, getting exasperated.

Do about it!" screamed the old lady, "do about it, you mean man? l'ui going to have my money back. I want that three dollars and thirty-seven and a half cents and car hire. That's what!"

Oh, go to the devil!" Both ladies screamed a scream that wakened a messenger, who went out to see where theNstrike was. "Oh, yon profane wretch Give me my money and let us get away from your wicked presence."

I won't do it." "You won't?" No, I won't." Indignation overcame the pious sense of propriety of the two ladies making a tremendous rush at Mr. Davenport, who sat ba'ancing himself on that stool the points of the two umbrellas took the financial agent in that part of the person where he had been depositing the sandwich, and ere he could recover himself ho went flying to the door.

The fall ot the financial agent from his high position was terrific. First he fell with great rapidity in a north-north-west direction, when, striking the side of his desk, lie tilted and shot olf west-west-south, and camo down like a pile-driver, in a sitting position, having received a free admission to the fireworks. The floor about him was covered with the debris of sandwich, pOcTvot-llUoK, OKI Kliys, UIIU boot. r»ml some pantaloons. The fall of stocks in a panic was nothing to the fall of Davenport. The overturning of the column of Vendomo was a mere circumstance to this tumble. Tho building shook, Secretary Boutwell rung his bell, and all tho messengers sneezed, owing to the cloud of dust. Of the three 'inmates who witnessed this catastrophe one fainted, another hid under the table, while tho third, hastily putting olf his duster, fled in wild affright. When the police at last intervened, the two infuriated victims to this hollow mockery ot a cooking stove were brandishing their victorious umbrellas over the prostrate financial agent, who, recovering his wind, was begging in tho most piteous manner for his life.

TIIE AMADOR MINE. A California correspondent says that Alvin/.a Havward is the hero of a story equal to "Monte Christo." Ho is a Vermonter, who operated with a man named Chaniberlaine in a gold lead which was full of indications, but yielded nothing tangible. Chamberlaine at last went awav disconsolate, giving Ilayward all his interest. The latter worked at the thing for months, and was buried deeper and deeper in the ground, but at last his family were next to starving all his labors left him, and he knew of no friend in tho world except Chamberlaine.

My (od he said to this man, who had meantime been engaged in stockraising, "I am on the verge of a great strike. I know it. Can you not give me a little money

Chaniberlaine liad been on the verge himself several times, and he shook his head sadly. But lie had £1,000—his all —buried iindi a haystrck near by, and he went and dug if up. "Take it, old fellow," he said, with California heartiness "do your best!"

With this money Havward recommenced, and he had worked until it was all spent, and his men were reduced to a bag of beans for nourishment, when to the gleam of hope the precious ore blazer! suddenly up—the Amador mii.e was the richest in the world! When the mine was paying $-10,000 a month, Havward made over to his friend one perfect third of it. Chamberlaine retired upon $1,"00,000, and 'moved Fast to educate his children,

because he aid not take its advice and

years. The

£3'»X

MS Mm lh„

elegant tile-covered, travs in his pa.

fe|hvt*s" by the neck had their revenge, al windows, the love of window flowers The following evening Bernardo re-! seems universal. Half at least of all lut«d the«e ex ra ordinary spiritual the rtrst-story windows in London have 1 FOR Coughs. Bronchitis and Conirtns to two of Hamlet's in- flowers or plants before or behind the sumption, in its early stages, nothing lunate personal rt -iends, Marcellus glass. In some streets every window equals I)r. Pierce's Golden Medical

Havward buying back the whole. Finally, even Hay ward grew tired, and he sold out the mine to a stock company, of which General C'olton is President. The mine will make $450,000 net this year, and Col ton said last week "The Amador mine will hold out longer than we will!"

ing in common with the scholasticism IT will be remembered that some and conventionalism of the East. 'Cal- months since we copied from the Indiifornia needs you,' we said 'Boston anapolis People a "sad and true story," does not. The deep, nu-read meanings which was the case of a vounc lady of of the West lie an 'open secret' to you. this citv who had gone to' Indianapolis You alone of all our sons of utterances to complete her musical education, but are their sufficient voice. Go back and had sulisequently accompanicd her prebe to them their interpreter. They ceptor to Chicagc where the old graynutured your young broodings. They haired sinner had by threats and pergave vour imagination suck. Of them, sistent entreaties accomplished her you should be among them. It is your ruin. We also stated that at the indut v. It is your necessity, also. VA stance ol the young gentleman to whom she was eniraged to V- married she was sent to the Home of the Friendless at

iptter Indianapolis to await his readiness for

wife. The younji man complet

ed his studies in Lane Theological

Crn tr/o rwteiUe

bride.

made her Journal.

Discovery. 673

LOVE IN THE OIL DISTRICT.

In Clarion county, near the celebrated oil-producing district known as Parser's Landing, and not a great distance from where the Clarion river Angles its pelucid waters with the *rffter-roll-ing tide of the Alleghany, bas lived for rears a man named Howitt, who. coning to the country in i'^ early history, erected a cabin, ani maintained an humble existence by following his profession of horse-shoeing.

When the oiji excitement brought numbers of sprjculators to that section of Pennsylvania, it was discovered that the blacksmith's farm was a series of oil wells, and he sold it for a large sum

Sence

urcharging for himself a stvlisu resithe neighborhood. H-jre, with his only daughter, Laura, no of marriageable age, he lived happily until late threw h\ his daughter's way an affinity—a young man named Harry Richardson, a driller by occupation, and poor as a church mouse.

She sought his society (her father had long since forbidden his coming to the house), and hardly' a day passed but that she was seen in the derrick, watching the pulsations of the walking-beam and her heart at the same time, and listen to lijs stories of adventure by flood and (oil) field. "She loved him for the dangers he had passed," and he loved her because she believed his yarns, and no one else would.

Finally, one bright day, as he had just finished a terrible recital of escape "from death by a falling sand-pump pullv, she shrieked, and said she "wished that Heaven had made her such a man," when Harry abandoned tho tember-serew rope and "caught the fair Laura to his petroleum-stained bosom, wiped the benzine from his brow and lips, kissed her, and said: "I am the man!" 5

While enjoying the few moments succeeding their betrothal— blissful moments, that only come twice in a man's lifetime: once when he finds his mother's preserves, and the ot: er as mentioned—the lovers, were startled by the entrance of the "village blacksmith," who seized his daughter, and without a word to the disconsolate Henry, carried Laura home and locked her up.

Days passed without communication between the lovers, and while Laura grewr thin, Hcnrv also experienced badluck. liis tools got fast the sand pump bursted and his heart promised soon to follow suit.

Hut just here a happy thought struck him. Outside of the derrick was several hundred feet of gas-pipe. 1 lo could not lay a telegraph wire, but he might lay a pipe lino to his Laura's house, through which, perchance, two hearts could "beat as one," and hold communion sweet, in spite of tho defeated free-pipe bill.

No sooner suggested than acted upon. That night he laid six hundred and 6ighty-one foet of half-inch gas-pipe under ground, between his derrick and the prison of his betrothed.

A happy junction with the eavesspout was effected during the next night and shortly afterward messages were sent and received between tho lovers, Laura having brought the end of the water-pipe close to her window, and Henry had his end of the line directly beneath his pillow, where, after he was "off tour," ho would whisper words of undying affection, that only ended when he fell asleep and tho pipe slipped out of his mouth. llut while "love giggled at the locksmith," the blacksmith was preparing

tv. „..ot «..4

One day, while Laura was at her dinner, her father had, while looking around her room, discovered the misplaced pipe, and while gazing with a critic's eye at the strange spectacle, was more startled by the soft words, coining apparently from the cistern: "Laura, dear, is tho old man round?"

Mr. llowitt smelt a mouse. lie did more than that—he inhaled the genuine odor of a wharf rat but saying nothing, he merely descended the stairs, and returned with a pint of oilv-looking liquid, which he handled with extreme care.

Making a cartridge of paper that would hold nearly all of the mixture, he inserted it in 'the pine several feet, and then placing a long barofiron upon that, called out loudly enough to bo heard through cartridge, pipe, and all: "Henry, my dear, are you there?"

Quickly came the faint reply: "Yes, Laura." "Place your ear at the hole, Henry." Here the parent raised a sledge-ham-mer, and struck the iron rod.

An earthquake followed, lie fore the echoes ol which had rolled away, could be seen the disappearance of an enginehouse in mid-air, followed by the gableend of the Howitt mansion.

And now for the sequel,

in his anxiety to see "how it was himself," old Howitt remained too near the pipe, and when the glycerine went off, lie did also, and was picked up in Armstrong county, a few days later.

Hut where was Henry? Instead of applying his ear to the hole he had stepped to the derrick for a moment, during whi -h the explosion occurred. Ho was only stunned, and a few moments later met his betrothed running to see if ho was hurt

They fled at once to a neighboring justice of the peace, and were married. They have patched up the old house, and are happy, though the mysterious disappearance of their father was a subject of conversation for months after.

This is the story, as told us by an old man who lives near Henry and Laura, who heard the noise, and also saw where the ground had been torn up by the father's vengeful experiment.

If any one doubts the story, the derrick is'still to bo seen.

Hnw TO (ittow IlKAt'TiKt'f..—The woman who is indifferent to her looks is no true woman. Oot meant woman to be attractive, to look well, and to please and it is one of her duties to carry out the intention of Jier Maker. Hut that dress is to do it all, and to suffice, is more than 1 can be brought to believe. Just Itecause I do love to see girls look well, as well as live to some purpose, would urge upon them such a course I of reading and study as will confer such charms as no modixir, can supply. N. P. Willis wrote a very pretty paragraph on the power of education to beautify. That it absolutely chiseled the features that he had seen many a clumsy nose ar.d thick pair of lip' so modified by thought, awakened by active sentiment as to be unrecognizable. And he put it on th*t ground that we so often see people, homely and unattractive in youth, bloom in middle life into a softened Indian Summer of good looks and mellow ton»*s.— Working Farmer.

IT is expected that two or three hundred women will attend the Miehigan University at its next term. About thirty entered last season, and reports say that they all held their own with the male students in the entire course of study, including the higher mathematics, physical science, Latin, Greek, and medicine or law. In the rigid examinations »t the recent commencement, not one of them fitiled.

MISERIES OF OUR FRIENDS.

Do We Rejoice in Them?.

J.N9I iifft III VlJV

brief

amining

From this pointofview, then, it mighft be possible to make out some sort apology for what has at the outset sufficiently ugly look. Indeed, w« might, if we were so inclined, give ai.a almost pious aspect to the phenomenon and set forth the wisdom of Providence in so tempering human sympathies that the anguish which is intolerable on the spot becomes a source of pleasure as the circle of its influence spreads. If everybody really felt as keenly for tho sufferings of others as is sometimes represented to be our duty, tho world would be unbearable. We should be js, overwhelmed with misery, as the eyisf would be "blasted with excess of light'' if the atmosphere did not absorb th^ sun's rays as well as human sympathies But, wituout discussing a question which, to say the truth, would lead us into some awkward speculations, must be admitted that this is, alter aUi an incomplete explanation of the malj^ im. The truth which it asserts is much too unpleasant to bo glossed over by any ingenuity of speculation. Thecase of which Rochefoucauld was, doubtless,' thinking, was that dirty grain of jealousy of which it is so difficult to get rid.

The misfortunes which really give us pleasure are those which flatter our vanity in a way which we are ashamed to confess. A strong man is taken ill, and we can't quite refrain from con gratulating ourselves on the strength o» our constitutions. A rich man loso money, and we feel a little happier ii^1 tho thought that he was not so much shrewder than ourselves in his specula tions. A distinguished politician make a gross blunder, or a great artist paints a bad picture, or an eminent advocate loses a cause, and we ourselves feel an inch taller bocause the giant turns out to bo not so much more exalted than ourselves. That this leeling is as common MS it is mean is proved among other things by tho currency of the maxin in question and the peculiarity oftl case is that whereas some other vici tend to bccomo obsolete, tho tcndcnc% of modern civilization is probably increase tills particular form of weakness. Wo may laugh at tho old adages directed against revenge or avarice, because nobody is fool enough at tin present day to hide sovereigns in an old stocking, and nobody has tho time to brood over profound schemes of taking vengeance, except in sensation novels. But at a time when com] ion incroasesj when everybody is tread ing on his neighbor's toes, and he rises fastost who can tread most heavily and remorselessly, we are naturally inclined to rejoice at other people's stumbles. Jealousy, according to a rospectable old saying, is tho characteristic vieo ol democracies and there is an obvious foundation for tho remark. Nothing is more unpleasant or more strongly marked than tho delight which is always exhibited by a largo class atany revelation which tends to show tha some great man is an impostor and the same principle, of course, applies in private life. The people whom we know uest are those whose competition wo have most reasop to dread and wo are, therefore, apt to indulge, when they meet with any misfortune, in that peculiar variety of laughter which Hobbes mistook for tho wholo species and which may, without paradox, be described as a "sudden glory," or a1 Hash of perception of our own superiority. The falsehood of the systoui of morality of which this proposition forma. I

human motives are reducible in tho last, resort to a grovelling selfishness, and that, if we hadasufllci.mtly powerful means of analysis, all heroism and virtue would turn out to be nothing' but somo contemptible motivo superficially transformed. It is unnecessary to protest against the falsehood of such a theory but the fact that our bestfeolin^s are very apt to have a disagreeablo alloy of vice is as obvious as it is disagreeable. It is enough for us to note the existence ol the evil its remedy must be loft to those whose duty it is to point out at

intervals the mode

by winch human nature may be trans-1 formed into something better than it is at present—a process which does not appear to be taking place with any marked rapidity at the present moment.

FAT MKN.—It is a striking fact that most persons want to weigh more than they do, and measure their health by their weight, as if man wore a pig. valuable in proportion to his heaviness.! The racer is not fat—a good plough.! horse has but a moderate amount flesh. Heavy men are not those whicl experienced contractors employ to builul railroads and dig ditches. Thin men,j tho world over, are tho men for ondjf" a rice are the wiry and hardy thin pie live the longest. The truth is, fa a disease, and as a proof, fat people never well a day at a time—aro suited for hard work. Still, there is medium between as fat as a buttorbal and as thin and juieeless as a fenee-rai For mere looks, moderate rotundity I most desirable, to have enough flesh cover all angularities. To accomplish this in the shortest time, a man should work but littlo, sleep a great part of th«| time, allowing nothing to worry himJ keep always in ajoyous laughing mood] and livo chiefly on albuminates, HUCI| as boiled cracked wheat, and rye, am oats, and corn, and barley, with swee milk, and buttermilk, and fat meatsj Sugar is the best fattener known.

IT has been ascertained, by gor authority, that it takes less yards goods for a dress pattern for a larp sized ladv than it docs for the dearlittbl creatures" that trip along our street*| A few day since a lady in this city, o| more than ordinary mind, while ex

some goods, was told by the

clerk

that

scant

he thought the pattern rathe-

for her.

She

replied, there WJ

plenty for her, but not enough for small woman. The clerk appeared rather surprised at the idea. She accordingly explained thus—the large ones want to appear as small us the can conveniently, while the small*' ones w.nit to

show

off as big as possibUl

The last we saw of the astonished clerlJ h* was making track for the slate to set it down.

HKRR Is Paulina, Wright Davis social platform: The question is, wha free-love of which there is so muc terror? Was love ever constrained, ei forced, or purchased? Who ever Iovel because commanded to? Passion" vanity and convenience are bought an sold ill the market, are forced into mar riageand compelled into hated relation! but it is time that sensible people learn ed to use language correctly. Love an emotion of the heart, founded upor| respect, esteem, admiration, and devo tion. The law which makq£ the rendering ol martial rights ai cumpulsory maternity on the part woman in the absence of love ami to geniality of health and fitness oblig tory is a deadly despotism, and no wo' man thus subjugated «a*i bo pure it sou! and body.