South Bend News-Times, Volume 37, Number 296, South Bend, St. Joseph County, 22 October 1920 — Page 3

THE SOUTH BEND NEWS-TIMES

rniDAV Monrn. nnonrn 22. 1 !2ry s

The Handbook of Hymen By 0. Henry

the r

Sap.

r r: " Pn't. s-ts t h i down. 1 that ih- 'l'Jr .:M--)r.-il sy st-m f th-Um?-d St.it s h.ro.M in the hands J f the 'At.ithT bureau. J n ;.ou good r-:..-"n for . a r.d you : . ar.t t.M m whv .ur o;i,g- Tr' " ; t.-.rs shouldn't 1 - tr-ir ferr-d t- , th- m.tr.::- al ,.M .u tr. nt Th-y ! have 1..MI I-TH-i v. tad: ar,l th. ; mining pap-rs ,l" . " ( ; v,,,. Hi" the r- s :'r .w idr vf th'- proposition. l, r to tr!! ;.o-.i h th- we.k- . vVkI -c ,!"U v;th an elegit -l1',;1 . r i We as up in th lottrr ' j ox,r .h- Montana hm, ! o-o.ting f.r A .hm-wh.s rr"lrP-nlo , . W . ex- bagKag. i

d gruh-sa.

a Pel tl.T 'A'-l

thin? Herkimer didn t know I di in t i mis it fiut fif thf l'f'"i'. I sat and rMd that hook for four , hours. ,u the orders of r ducatbrn was "irr.pri'S.'""1 in it. I forgot th-

vow, ;ui'3 I forgot that me and f.d Id iiio was on the nutf. He whs sitti:.,' still en a stool r i1ir. tc away with a kind of partly soft nnd partly mysterious look shining through hitar. -Lark vvhik-rs. "Mahn," savs I. "what k:nl rf a be. ok is jours'.'" l'laho nnj.-t hi forKr't. ton, fi r h.- ."r;s'A-T(-i i.inrir rat, without any hlati.lf-r f.r maliriJt . "Why." ! m h "thi Ji or sm to h a voIuit:- hy Ifnir I. M " "Monu r K. M." what V I askd. "Why. jut Homer K. M ." says h-. "Vou'ro a liar."' as I. a litt!--riid thtt Mah" !-houl'1 try to jiut i:. up a trco. "N'o man H pojr. round slsjnint; books wih his initlal'v If it's Horr.T K. M. pooj.m-

' Mr. rratt." sys sh. "I always :! .ldmir a man f vdU' ation. Th r- ;ir so f-u- hol aniotit,' the sap-hadrd jiluc-Ulies of this town that it '. a ral plf-asur- to mnvrs'' with a k'"nt! n. tr, r ultur-. I'd

krat::'ifd to ha; you rail at my

in -

wh'T.evf r '"U f?r jo

h oua -rut- r. hi-.'l to a t

lvk.-. .r Homrr K. M. MrSwcfn-r

r Hor.ifr K. M

Mi'J

:i v - o

iri!-...

a P- ' rontr r- t,itir:i:

Jon" v, a T:rtn

.ml sT i- t. ar tl:r.a of . n '.,Cr : US !.,-. ; 1 1 ' . J 1 1 1 t" f r.-'.-ip. Thss l.ap r prints a V , I .Tfl.: rations of th- va-j ".d h- ...rd it .i.iit r.m-rj -' mounta.r, fr-m the- 1. th- dk vas "warmer 1 llr , u fh ::t-ht wrsfrly hrovfs j .,oh wlml ,tP.i: in th. -t. M : Idaho mos-i atp intn an o , 1 .i Vi iiiiiim-

, t v al in Iiioii ' " t . l ' i . "thinklr.s it was only a "Y ' . ,- ,!,.rrv iiat aft-r valhf.w: thi.

on a U-.f xl nt to work m

. :: !i- -t: ar.

i,:,! cruh cr.ruch for two month.. -v.. l-t thfe Hfjn.-nts rg" .ut up 11 th' v thoucht rrP' T. I f (;u to instiKat. th- ait "I ... .,.v..r hit shut two m. n up

;M a rishtoAM l.v twrutv-foot .ak..

f,.r a month. Human naiui- ;

.-;and it. , ,, , Who. th- - .nowfl.ikrs fH lur

of t h 1 1 of

tail

!i ou

Ard tha was th way I so th1 1-,'oodwi l uf thr lady in the jellow hoy,.-. i:vry Tuesday and t'riday i r.l iii:.-; I used to th re and te ll hT alajut th uruulcrs of th unirrs" .is (li-.-overed. tahulatetl. :n;d 'rmipihd from nature h llerki- ' nirr. Idaho ;md thf oti.-r fray t I.uth ran4? of tho tow n rot every ' minuf (.f th rrM of th- wrk that thfy rould. I n(r imau-in-d that Idaho "as t r i ; tr to work on Mrs. Sampson '.:th old K. M.'s rules of rourtphip till on ;iftrrnoo!i when I wns on my .way o-.r t,, (ako hr.r a hasket of wild hoir-phirnvi. I mrt th" lady

why don't omin down th- Jan- that ! d ' it.st'.id of.h.r b.ousr. Her rves was snappirc.

it lik- ;t . .tlf ard her hat m;:I a lanjc-! us dip . f a shirt n ' 'v r on- cc.

"'.Mr. rratt." she opens up. "this Mr. Hicn is a frir-nd of jo.jr. I h--!i p."

i.'. s h . "hy Homer K. M. I K'-t olor out of it at firt.

"Fo.- ninr- wars,

as I.

"'ut him out." s-avs sh

h w ip.?r -.ff th

:l rlothf s-Iir.e '.' ' "I put it t ou straicht. Sandy." says Idaho. ,i:i. t. "It's a po m

hook." J ouldn't

hut there's a rn if ou follow it u;. I wouldn't hTr mis-ed this

took for a pair of red blankets." ! "Why. ma'am." savs I.

"You're w.lrome to it." s i -, I. plain incumbent of the mountains :as I. "What 1 want a di.-intr r-: w ith asp-rities and the uual fallest d statemep.t .f fa. ts for the in-s of a sp-ndthrift and a liar, but mind to work on and that's what III n v-r on thr most momentous ocs em to find in the book I' v- ; :, sion had the heart to denv that he

Kentieman :'

He's he's

draw n

was a gentleman. It mav be that in

r o U . nt to wi.ru in ( r.d we kr.ew we way m ow - v c- cot in parity ot tire- , ,

dher's Jkes an.i prais d the stut ( . turned out of n. sklhet and . ah d,

i-read. At th. .n.l or mree i.i;ih., mak.s tlhs knwl v, i'H't t- ... ... .: x ,, : h . Id 'tir lill'k

.a- balloon on the t

...tioin of a tin i-.n. hut 1 h:ivt an de.t It v.oUld be P.Uisie of the ;., tt t,N .ttenu.:t-.l streani I ..; a oln Mated th-.ui-ht that eman- j o'ut'ot Nour .r-v,tis o! . om.ersa. , Tne kind ot luill-ma-tieated , mo:- s that you rnut ever day puts , ,.. iM mind of :t "'- ud -n i I 1 oh, e nou'h to k. P h.-r:-. V 1m rself. and "U ain't. -Mr. Ur.-:,," sa I. ".hi hivmc l. -en a trifp.d of min- om-r. I lia x.me hrMtatio'.s V. ronl.-.nc to y-..., that if I h oi mv . hair- lor son. l , between -u ;i onino.n eIlow. ,hr. e-b:ied t-ur pup. on, ot the in- J ln.a.- of this h r.- ahiri would oe , u,,K a tail just ai pient. I This way we oes on tor two . ( -hree da'-s. and then wo e.uit sp. ak-: f. on another. We divides up J eookinu- implernents. and Idaho; , ,,oks his 1,-rul. on one s.dr "l the- , t r-pl.o e. and m- on th other. 1 he , -,ow is up to the window.--, and w e L.ip to kf e; a nr.- ah i i . 1 You s-e m- and Idaho ner had, mv education laond rr:nl'.ns :iU' d-dnc "If J"hn had three app'.e and, '..rues tivo" on a .-date. We never ; H any special ne d for a inier--; decre - . though w had a. -uur. 1 ! ' -irs of lutrtn-l - int- Ih'-n, . in, .. - kin around th- world that we! ;;,';,! .t. m PaiTn. l.s. I-ut. j hound m that eabiu in th- Hit- I '. - Koots we felt for th. !irl uno ; Vat if we had s'adird Homer or i h . . k ai d irartions and lhe n'.-her , :-.,n. h. o of information, we'd have - . i sotn r-sourrts in th- hn- ot i.-.:-iti..n and private th-u.-ht. l'( ,.. ,, t' - t astern oil. tel'.ow s j x orkinK' m amr hrotu-h th. v.M. and 1 ne. r noti. d but w h.,t j , ,,!.!!) wmm b-v of a .lr.twb.ir.; t. . mi tb. iti '.ou w. -i'.d think. Why. ' . over on Sn.tke rb -r. h. n An - j drew MrWillian.s' n,.!,!!.. h.r.-.- K-.t j he ).otts. he s-nt a bu.-kbrard tt : ;

d'.es for utie ot these straiV'is that .

1 t.,ned to b- u. bo'.in:t. Hut "Hi, ,.I"so i'h 'h j nnt morninc Idaho wn- p-kinC .round with a stirk on t-p of ,t little. . r,lf that was too h:cli t. ii.icli. , I-w o bookd IeU r.o-,v p. to the floor. I ; - .nt-d toward "in.. S'Ut .-tucht ltlii- ; :v's eye. He pp.ak" for the first' ,!..! in a "'o,. I iv.n't burr, w.- br.-'ers." ms . . "In 5ite of to- f.o t that oa re. ;v to he th- .oT.ipa.r.on of a! .'ep.i-.fc: . iU-i-tu: t!.-. I ll C.e ou a i r:,ir - d--.'. Ap.-I that's more than Ul,,r pareri.- did w hn they tut no I I . b .ose m tile ': id W h h the -o- j . ib:ht of a ratt'.e-sn ik- and the . .!;de manne r rf n fr.",m turnip. ; ; p!a' j1 u a " Uli'1 o.' ver.n-llp. . 'l',' wi:"n.r to ptek up his . h-u of; ! k. the ls. r to t ike the :h-r." ' We played, and hi the. w o-.. lie ..k'-d UP his book, and t leor. m.ine. , ; h.n earh of us cot on Lis side of J hoUe and went to r idinc. i ! n.e.t "as as cbi.i to . . in! T-o,-r-- as 1 wa that book.

"What you've cot." says Idaho, "is haberdashery .and the .sense of arsi.itisti.s. the lowest crade of in-1 romance and display Idaho offends

furmiti'di tli.it exists. They'll poison (the eye, but inside, m'am. I've found your mind. (live me nid K. M.'s him imprvious to the lower grades

system of surmises-. He seems to o- r.r rrim- and obesity. Atter nine a kind of a win- agent. His f gu-, yoirs of Idaho's society. Mrs. Samplar toat is 'nothing doinu".' and he son." I winds up. "I .should hate to s. -mf to have a gru h. but he-j impute him, and I should hate to see keeps is so well lubri atd with him imputed." booZ.. that his worst ki- ks sound It.s r,Kht ppUf,.hj0 of you Mr like an imitation to split a quart. 1'ratt," savs Mrs. Sampson, "to take Hut it's poetry." v.,yy Idaho, "and I n lh(. curmudgeons in vour friend s hae sensations e.f s-om for that j 1,,-half : but it don't alter the fai t trtn k of yours that tries to convey thl. h(. h;is uyuf, ,)r(,1)niflls to s. nse in t.et and in( los. When it ; sufficiently d. noxious to ruffle the . ome.s to -xpb.inimr the instinct of j ju.n,,,n jnr ,,f ;iPV t ia-

philosophy through the art of na

ture, old K. M. has got your

'Why. now, now. now

i'ril.i Id iKii J Vknt r . . i j i

beat l.v drills. rows. paragraphs. ' " ' 1 l,t , . .4 . Iiee it ot ntvsclf sooner. I never liest measurement, and average an- . , . x . . V ' . i ..... i i...- m knew but one thing to deride in h in.

II del I I .Ulli .1 .1,

So that's the way tue ami Idaho had it. Day and night all the exritement we got was studying our books. That snowstorm sure, fixed us with a fine lot of attainments apiece. r,v the time the snow mclt-

-d if von had v'-nt.-d mi to me siiil - i 1 has', says

d. nlv a:id said- " sa i u I r m I'ratt. I "whatever it was.

and a blizzard was responsible for that. Dure while wp was snow. ' eu.nd in the mountains he became a prey to a kind of spurious and uneven poetry, which may have corrupted his d-meanor."

U has, says Mrs. Samnson.

And todav In

to lay

per box

I t ll -.Vt..V J ., n 1 .... .1. ,. t

.... i fa,ei i OUI1VI1 Ol

i roof with 20xL,r tin at $ '.. ." ' ! 1 '"u trs rom mm, and on cm is

v.hat would it cost tier soUare foot.1''!'

I'd hive tedd vou as uuich : "'inn. u a note. .now. Mr. I'ratt. you

as light could trawl the' h nglh of ;t j kn.v a lady w hen you see her; and spade handle at the rate of 1 '2.i0 ; ';" know how I stand in Rosa somiles jar second. How many can 1 'iety. Do you think for a moment do it" You wake up most any man that I'd skip out to the woods with you know in the middle of the night. ! H ,;ian long w ith a jug of wine and and ask him quick to tell you the ; ; h.af of bread, and go pinging and number of bom s in the human skel-j eavorfing up and down under the t ton e xclusive of the teeth, or what trees with him? I take a little percentage of th- ote of the Ne- 'laret with my meals, hut I'm not in braska legislature overrules a veto, i the habit of packing a jug of it into

Will he tell you? Try him and see. About what beneht Idaho got emt of his poetry book I didn't exactly know. Idaho boosted the wineagent every time he opened his mouth, but I wasn't so sure.

the brush and raising Cain in any

. such style as that. And of coure he'd bring his book of erses along, j too. He said so. Let him go on j his scandalous picnics alone! Or j let his take his Ruby Ott w ith him. I

This Home r K. M.. from what ! reckon she woubln t kirk unle?-s jt leaked out of his libretto through jwas em account of there being too Idaho, seemed to me to be a kind of i much bread along. And what do a d"g who looked at life like it was you think of your gentleman friend a tin can ti-d to his tail. After now. Mr. Pratt?" running him-elf half to d-ath. he j "Well, 'm." says T, "it may be sits down, hangs his tongue out, and .that Idaho's imitation was a kind looks at the an and says: ; ,,f poetry, and meant no harm. May"Oh. well, sine- we ean't shake j (,,- it belonged to the class of rhymes the growler, let's get it tilled at thejth.y call figurative. They offen. 1 i o! n. r. and all have a drink on me.".i.tw and order, but thry get sent lb sid-s that, it seems h- w as a j through the mails on the grounds Persian: and I ne er hear. I ofth.:t they mean something that they Persia produ ing anything worth' don't s.ty. I'd he glad on Idaho's mentioning unhs-- it w as Turkish ; ,.lT(,un. if you'd everle.ok it." says 1. rugs and Maltese- eats. 1 "and !-t us extricate our minds That spring m- and Id; ho struck ! fron, the low regions of poetry to pav or.. It was habit of ours to : the higher planes of fact and fancy.

sell out quick and keep moving. We

unloaded on n':r grubstaker for

On a beautiful afternoon like this. Mrs. Sampson." I goes on. "we

.ts.uoo api.ee: and then we 1 rifted ! should let our thoughts dwell acdown to this little town of r.na. on icordingly. Though it is w-rm here, the. Silmon river, to rest up. and:wo should remember that at the got some human gr ub, and have our ' equate. r the line of perpetual frost whiskers harvest, d. j js at an altitude of fifteen thousand Ihsa was no mining- camp. It J feet. Between the latitudes of forty laid in the v alley, and was as tree -f degrees anel forty-nine degrees It is uproar and pestilence as one of ; from four thousand to nine thouthem rural towns in the untry. ' v., nd feet." There was a three-mile trolley line) 0h Mr Pratt ?;iVS Mrjs, Samp. champing its Ml in the environs; snn ... a comfort tf) hcar and me and Idaho spent a wee,, rid-lx thfm bf.;iutiful farts aftcr ROl. ir.g on one of the ears, dropping of f I tii; U(.h a from that m,nx of iv.glus at the Sunset Al-w hotel P.e- a .. ... lp.g well read as well as traveled, we was soon pro re nata with the best) ,IS -t on this log at the soei-tN m It.sa. and was invited ..ut tradside," says I. "and forget the 1 . .U .1 J.. . 1.

.un T i,.c .1.- t. -.r-i.l h fh. 1 U'i.uni.niii) nu oiMnii i oi iai-

at ) i 1"'. H. i'. i- iii i lie r-ooijouTi in u i u I..'

or ascertained iacts ana legalized

con -

torud utert . ir.me nts. It w as nliüii reeital and a i 1 -e .1 1 inc

t.-t in the citv h.all. f or the ben .'it i nieasur. s that beauty is to be found ;n- fr., -omo.,. th.,- r. i f an.i i I thi ery log we sit upon. Mrs

Id. ho Tlrst met Mrs 1 . ('i mond I Sampson

d Idaho look

ed at h: s like

.it

f Tl

1 .oks at a stick . !' '.ardy. j M:n- was a htt hook al . .t :V.e, l.v' six im hes ca'.h d ' H- : k:m r s ; bind book ot tji.lisp.-r'.s-ib'e Inl.-rma-tmn." I i '. y J rnc. but 1 think hat was the greifest . that everj m as w ritt p.. I'v - got it today, and j 1 .an stump ru .-r ar.y tnati fifty, t.mes in hve minutes w :th the m-

-.atton m it. Ti'k 'it out Si'i---cr the New- York Tribun-' ,

Herkinter had cases on both of 'cm. j 'h.i: man must have put in .". yrars. ; i traveled a mhh- r. n.i'ef. fo f;:;d 1 'out all that stuff. Th : was th.e population ef al! th.e , ::. s j-. it. and t th- way fo te"! a girl's age. and th-t.uml-er t-eth a . am.al h It I

t, l J u the st tu::r.M in tb.world, th- : er . f the stars. h'w 1 o-.g It takes f i . hie'.vt-n-nox t-'

! rcil, e-at. v. h..: a '.a t IP. s '. l r . the . 1 1 rr.ors. the d'it.- s

P. .UedU'-tS. flow

says I. "is statistics more

I 1 - . . 1 l . . t J

Simpson, the queen of pos-.i so- ! " ih run in n any poem, me rings t ., tv :show it was sixty years old. At the ''Mis a--ops,.n w.-s a widow a r.d I depth of two thousand feet it would owned the ..nlv tw o-storv house in ' hecome c.'.il in three thousand years. i..w:. It was' p...inted v'ellow. and Th deepest 'ul mine in the world

is a t.ii.ingw urin, near .Newcastle. A box four feet long, three feet wide, and two feet eight inches deep will hold one ton of coal. If an artery i cut, cernpress it above the wound. A man's leg contains thirty

rr ' bones. The Tow er of London was

burned in e;o on. Mr. Pratt." says Mrs. Samron. "Them ideas is so original and soothing. I think statistics are Jut as lovely as they can be." Rut it wasn't till two weeks iater that I got all that was coming to me out of Harkhp.e r. Ope night I was waked up by fo.xs hollering "Firel" all around. I jumped up and dressed and went

whlehevr way you looked from ou i ould se e it as plain as egg on the .hm of an O'tlrady on a Friday. Twi-iity-two men m Rosa besides me and hliho x.t trying to stake a ' : . .... V. . ' ' . . . . ....

i 1,111:1 I'M i.iai ve.iow iiiius1'. Th-re v. a a dance aft. r the son

books and quail tones had been raked out of the li ill. Twenty-three

".oped over to Mrs

the bunch

Simpson and asked fer a

s;de-stepped the- two-step and askd per mission to -s. ort her home. That's where I made a hit (p. the way home m she: "Ain't the stars Ir.-ve'.y and bricht tonight. Mr. Pratt0"'

the

. hance

th-v v e

f. a

s.ivs I. "they're hutnfp.g thems-ln s , out of the hotel to enjoy the scene, m a tnighty creditable way. That When I s-en it was Mrs. Samjison's b.g op.e vou see is sixty-six billions house, I gave forth a kind of yell, of piil s distant. It took thirty-six and I was there in two minutes

s r. e C n . 1 g P. " v t rs of gov -the por.ian

- .,pg w ith thi.." ! rs a day '..üb! buy. the av er..ge annual t m-

x-f raf.it'' of .:;k-:;' 1. .viam-. tr.e .-anfity of s, , ,j ,u:r 1 to plant av I

, o 7 1 ,1 i I e T s j . ; , ; r 1 , , - . a I i i . U o . f. r pois. th. eiii'-.l-er - f hairs .p. !,;,.:-,! kidy s had. hw to ; r -. t-v- ggs. rf.e h igb.ts of all th.e . ;.. ... . - .... V... 'i.'iliüt.li! ' 1. V o.. .I., t . ,.. , ' ah wars a nd I atth s as i

, , -a . . r . -1 r 1 ! T' e e r. e-d p. rs n s . ' su. -.str'-ke. af.-i t!;e r.urr.! r d

i pound, and to !:;.m. and Th'Wrs a r.d !els, and

hat t do l- fore the d-.. tor cot.1..?

, ard n hundred times as i.iar.y

thlr.tr besides. I? there wu aay-

cars for its light to reach us. Wühl an ichteen-fopt trbsopc y oj can, s-e forty-thr'e mil'iop.s of 'em. it1-clu-lirig th m of th- thirtw nth n:acrp.tude. which, if one was to go put p. ow. you would keep on eeir. g it f. r tw enty -secn hundred years." "My'" says Mrs. Sampson. 'I never knew that b fore. How warm" it is" I'm as damp as I can bo from liar.cir.g so mu- h." ; "That's easy to aoa ount for " sayi I. "wh-n you happen to know that y ou'vo g 't tw o million sw rat-glands working all at once. If every one of '. your perspiratory ducts, which are a!

bm g. as placed !

r.tiarter of

eP.d to end. they would re. oh .1 'lis-' tar.ee of seven mih-s. ' "I. fw !" s-tys Mrs. Sam.psor. it soup.. is lik an irrigation ditv'h y C :

w,;s liescrjy-ir.g. Mr. Prat;. How -o v.-u g. t all this know hdg- of jrs-!

torip.atian "From observation. Mrs. Sampson." I tells her. "I keep my eyes open w h.vii I fio aL-ojl in the world."

The whole lower story of the yellow house was in flames-, and every masculine, feminine, and anir.e in. Tl.s. i. was there. s-Te'chirg and larking and g-tting in th- way of the firemen. I saw Idaho trying to get away trom six hrem-n who w e re holding him. Th-y was telling him the whole plaee was ot: f.re downstairs, and no man could go in it and come out ahve. "Whirn's Mrs. Sampson?" I asks. "She hasn't btt-n seen." says or..' of the firemen.. "She si,., pa upstairs. Wo've tried to got in. but we ean't. and our . on-.par.y hasn't got ar.y ladders y et." I runs around to the light of the

big b'.aite

yet. Tell m TrhaT. old boy. tell m wh?.t!" says I. I turned to "What to do in Case of Accidents." on rape 117. I run my fincer down the page, and struck it. r.ood old Herkimer, he never overlooked anything! It said: Suffocation from Inhaling Smoke or (has. There is nothing better than flaxseed. Place few seAd in the outer corner ef th- eyes. I shocd the Handbook hack in my pocket, and grabbed boy that wa running hy. "Here." says I. giving him some money, "run to the drug store and bring a dollar's worth of flaxseed. Hurry, and you'll grt another one for yourself. "Now." I sings out to the crowd, "we'll save Mrs. Sampson!" And I throws away my coat and hat. Four of th firemen and citizens grabs hold of men. It's sure death, they say, to go in the house for the doors wnf beginning to fall through. "How in blazes." I eings out. kind of laughing yet. but not feeling like it, "do you expert me to put flaxs-ed in an eye without the eye?" I jabbed each elbow in a fireman's face, kicked the bark off of one citizen's shin, and tripped the other or.e with a side hold. And then I busted into the hous If I die first I'll write you a letter and tell you if it's any worse down there than the inside of that yellow house was; but don't believe it yet. I was a heap more cooked than the hurry-up orders of broiled chicken that you get in restaurants. The fire and smoke had me down on the floor twice, and was about to phame Herkimer, but the firemen helped me with their little steam of water.

and I cot to Mrs. Sampson's room. ?he'd lost consciousness from the smoke, no I wrapped h-r in th bed clothes and got her on my shoulder. Well, the floor wasn't as bad as they said, or T never could have den? It not by no means. I carried her out fifty yards from the house and laid her on the grass. Then, of course, every one of them other twenty-two plaintiff to the lady's hand crowded around with tin dippers of water ready to save her. And up runs the boy with the flaxseed. I unwrapped the covers from Mrs. Sampson's head. She opened her eyes and says: "Is, that you. Mr. Pratt?" "S-s-sh." says I. "Don't talk till you've had the remedy." I runs my arm around her neck and raises her hear, gentle. and breaks the bag of flaxseed with the other hand: and as easy as I could I bends over and slips three or four of the seeds in the out-r corner of her ey e. T'p gallops the village doc by this time, and snorts around, and grabs at Mrs. Sampson's pulsK. and wants to know what I mean hy any such sa ri d - b!a st ed nonser.se. "Well, old Jalap and Jerusalem oak-seed." says I. "I'm no regular practitioner, but I'll show you authority, anyway." They fetched my coat and I gets out the Handbook. "Look on page 117," says I, "at the remedy for suffocation by smoke or gas. Flaxseed in the outer corner of the eye, it sajs. I don't know whether it works as a tmnkp cemsumer or whether it hikes the compound gastro-hippopotamus nerve into action, hut Herkimer says it,

and he wae called to the case, first. If you want to rrake it a consultation, there's no objection."

OJd doc takes the book and looks' at it by means of his spec? and a , fireman's lantern. i "Wh, Mr. Pratt." says he. "you evidently got on the wrong line ;n reading your diagnosis. The recip- , for fufforation says: T,ft the pa- ' tient into fresh air -iS quick'y .,s ; possible, md place h-r in a rechn- , ing position." The flaxseed remedy ? is for 'Dut and Cind-rs in the hyr.' ! on the line above. P.u. after all " "See h-re." ir.t-rr up' s- Mrs Sampson. "I reckon I've got on;--thing to say in this consultation.; That flaxsed done m.e more good ; than anything I ever tr -:." And. then she raises up her h-ad and' lays it bark on my arm agatn. and says: "Put some in th- other eye.' Sandy dear." And so if you was to stop off at Rosa tomorrow, or any .th-r day. you'd s'o a fine pew yellow h"t:swith Mrs Pratt, that was MiV. Sampson, embellishing and a dorr -r.z it. And if you wa to step in- ' -id you'd se e on th m trh!e-Top center table in the parlor "Herkimer's Handbook ed' IndespensablI nf ormation." all r-bo-jPd in r.d moj-e.cco, and ready to be consulted on any subject pe-rtaining to human, happiness and wisdom.

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tp.d pulls the Handbook

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daffy

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p.sation of excitement.

"Htrky. old boy," I as to it. as I flipped over the pages, "you ain't v . r lied to trie yet, and you-ain't evvr thruwed me down at a scratch

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