Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 41, Number 118, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 5 November 1909 — Page 8 Advertisements Column 1 [ADVERTISEMENT]

nor superb Disdain. But thsra was one young woman in the box party at the theater who took no part in the noisy chatter and Slggle. With her gaze fixed upon the stage bhe watched the progress of the play, indifferent to the gayety around her, except that her delicate, aristocratic, finely chlsled features bore a look of weariness, and a scronful smile curved her lips. At last, however, she turned her head slowly and looked at the other members of the party. Then she spoke to the elderly matron sitting by her side. “That girl in the blue kimona,” she said, “thinks she’s the whole custard!” —Chicago Tribune. , Not a Salesman. A house hunter, getting off a train at a suburban station, said to a boy: “My lad, I am looking for Mr. Smith son’s new block ,of semi-detached cot tages. How far are they from here?" “About twenty minutes’ walk,” the boy replied. “Twenty minutes,” exclaimed the house hunter. “Nonsense! The advertisement says five.’ “Well,” said the boy, “you can be lieve me or you con believe the advertisement; “but I ain’t tryin' to make no sale.” Changed His Diagnosis. Physician—From a hasty examine tion I am of the opinion that you are suffering from clergyman’s sore throat Patient —The devil you say! Physician (quickly)—But it is quite possible I am wrong—l will (look! again.

Correction. “Gee whiz! here’s the rain cornin’ down again and somebody’s stolen my umbrella.” "Somebody’s stolen what?” “Well, the umbrella I’ve been car rying for the last two weeks.” In Mortal Dread. "I fell out of the window of my flat yesterday.” “And you are on the fourth floor That was terrible.” ~~:t “Yes; I don’t know how to face tht janitor. I’m sure I’ve violated som< clause in my lease.” - One WgyDoctor —Did your husband follov my directions? Did he take the medicine I left him religiously? Patient’s Wife—l’m afraid not, doctor; he swore every time I gave him a dose. —Boston Transcript. * Our Baby. There’s a baby in our house, The cutest kid that goes; He’s always still as a mouse When playing with his toes. —Exchange. Why? Lecturer—No, my friends; there is nothing in this world but what has some useful function and ” Small Party—Hold on there. Doe* your wife belong to a woman’s club.— Toledo Blade. A Diagnosis. To her tongue it felt just like a pimple. Said the doctor, “It’s awfully simple To give you relief. But It’s my firm belief That it’B merely the back of your dimple.” —Lippincott’s. Bright Outlook. Diner —Dash it all, waiter , the corned beef is vile. I hope you are going to have something better tomorrow. Waiter—We are, sir. We’re goin to have corn-beef hash. —Chicago Journal.

His Part. Ethel —Let’s play house. Johnny—All right; you be ma away In the country and I’ll be pa.—New York Sun. Watery. "He carries water on both shoulders.V "Does, eh? 1 always heard he took it on the Ledger. Alleged Milk. Of all “white lies’’ the one white lie That most deserves the crown, Is that atrocious stuff we buy For “country milk’’ in tow n., —Philadelphia Press. Just So. "The paper states,” his wifey read, "A Dlrectoire gown she wore.” "Yes,” said the man, who’d seen the thing,, " Direct,’ but mostly ‘toire.’ ” —Cincinnati Enquirer.

Still He Didn’t Snore. On Sunday morning he sat in church, The strictest silence-keeping; But now and then a little lurch Betrayed that he was sleeping. —Birmingham Age-Herald. Teacher (catching Tommy Ashing on Sunday)—Do you know the wages of sin? Tommy— ls this a sin? Teacher—lt undoubtedly is. Tommy—l don't want any wages for this. I’m satisfied tordo it for fun. — Illustrated Bits. Surely. "Father, what is the curse of wealth?*’ ‘The way a naan has Ho work for It" Argentina's area under cultivation Is now 36/ 00.000 acres, comparing with 12,000,000^^1905.