Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 41, Number 103, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 14 September 1909 — HALF TRUE TALES OF THE STREET AND TOWN [ARTICLE]

HALF TRUE TALES OF THE STREET AND TOWN

A Preacher’s Story. A man once said to me: “Say, Mr. Preacher, the church is getting my assessment too'high.” “How much do you pay a year?” “Five dollars,” was the reply. “Well,” said the preacher, “how long have you been converted?” “About four years,” was the answer. “What did you pay the church before you were converted?” I was a drunkard.” “How much did you spend for drink?” “About three hundred dollars a year.” “How much were you worth?” “I hadn’t anything but a dog.” “What have you got now?” “I have forty acres of my own, four good horses, and rent 80 acres more of Mr. Jones.” “Well,” said the preacher, “look here for a minute. You paid the devil S3OO a year for the privilege of owning a dog, and now you don’t want to give the Lord, who saved you, so much as five dollars a year for the privilege of running four horses on a 120 acre farm.” [i ' Why She Shat Down. “A charming gentleman, about four years old, used to pass my house every day on his way to the kindergarten,” said a lady, “and in course of time I made his acquaintance and gave a penny to him each morning when we parted. “Eventually his mother requested me not to give any more money to him. The next morning I did not present the usual penny. He did not seem to notice the omission. The succeeding day, he said nothing. But on the morning of the third day, when the penny was not forthcoming, he sidled up to me and whispered; ‘What’s the matter? Ain’t your husband working?’ ” Why Did He Kick, Then? men were seated in a local a dish in front of them were looking pieces of porterkrs.'it', lolm lus “No, George, you take your choice.” “All right, I will,” said George, lifting the larger piece to his dish. “A gentleman,” said John, witheringly, “would have taken the smaller piece.” “Which ( one would you have taken?” asked George. “The "smallest, of course,” replied John. “Well, then, what are you kicking about?” was George’s reminder. In the Wrong Place. A one legged Welsh orator named Jones was pretty successful in bantering an Irishman, when the latter asked him: “How did you come to lose your leg?” “Well,” said Jones, “on examining my pedigree and looking up my descent I found there was some Irish blood in me, and, becoming convinced that it was settled in the left leg, I had it cut off at once.” “By the powers,” said Pat, “it wrould have been a very good thing if it had only settled in your head!”

Just Hash. A. W. Green, the president of the National Biscuit Co..said in the course of one of his recent humorous and suggestive addresses: “Use, therefore, good, fresh material. All the fancy trimmings, !aee paper and high art boxing in the world won’t atone for stale or dam T aged stock. It is like the case of Mrs. Matthews. “Mrs. Matthews bought a French cook book. The book told her, among other things, how to make ragouts and farcies and navarins out of left-over steak, the end of roasts, cold vegetables, and so forth. This was delightful. Hash, which Mr. Matthews hated, would be banished, and yet, as before nothing would be banished, and yet, as before, nothing would be wasted In the Matthews home. *if “So one evening she set her hungry tired husband down to a paper-frilled navarin and ’Escoffer. , The dish looked grand from the outside, and the man's wan sacs lit up at sight of it, but as soon as he lifted the lid the joy faded from his eyes. “‘Ask the blessing, please, George’ his wife reminded him. i ‘“I think, dear,’ George answered, wearily, ’we’ve blessed everything here before.*"

Interesting Notes From St. Joseph’s College. During this week St. Joseph’s College will begin its 19th scholatsic ‘year. Conditions at the "opening are somewhat inconvenient owing to the fact that the contractors have not been able to complete the> new buildings. It will, however, be only a few more days till the sisters’ house and the commodious dining rooms in the basement of the church will be ready for use. This will help matters very much and the students’ home here will then be more pleasant and far less crowded. There is as yet no need of hazzarding a guess as to the time* when the keys of the church will be delivered. Judging from the reports and applications the attendance at St. Joseph’s’this year will be beyond all expectations. There is no doubt that by the time the last student arrives the enrollment will reach 250, an increase of about 50 over last year’s list. The faculty will remain nearly the same as that of last year. The Rev. A. Schuette, C. PP. S., will fill the place of the Rev. J. W. Gormley, and the music department WHI be under the direction of Prof. A. Steger. The prospects for the coming year are, indeed, very bright. All the improvements, the increased attendance, and the old teaching force on duty are certain proof to the authorities that St. Joseph is embarking upon the most successful term of its useful career.