Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 41, Number 102, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 10 September 1909 — HALF TRUE TALES OF THE STREET AND TOWN [ARTICLE]

HALF TRUE TALES OF THE STREET AND TOWN

“Got any work for me this, mornin’ Mistah Boyd?” asked Billy Bulger, safe in the knowledge that no -work would be intrusted to him. “No,” was the response; and then, before Biljy could ask for the customary contribution, “but wait a minute. Lawyer Phillips has owed me S2O for twenty years. Collect it and I’ll give you half.” The merchant knowing how bad was the debt, winded at a waiting customer. The old man found the lawyer in the middle of a group of prospective clients aq<l influential citizens. Thrusting through the group he called in stentorian tones: “Mistah Phillips, suh!” “Well,” queried the lawyer, much annoyed. “Mistah 1 Boyd done tell me that you’ve owed him S2O for about a hundred years, and kin you pay him, suh.” Tile lawyer hurried to Billy’s side, j. “You idiot,” he said, sotto voice, “do you want to ruin my business? Here!” and he thrust a ten dollar bill into the old man’s hand. Back to the merchant toddled the old man. “Well, Billy,” said the merchant, “did you get it?” The old man grinned. “I got my half, all right,” he chuckled; “but you’d better look out when you go back to get your half — he's right smart over it, suh!” The News From Hard Scrabble. Matilda K. Hoplight attended the church social last night and recited 136 verses of the old testament. The silence in the audience was quite intense. Miss Pinky Slimmer has returned from her two weeks outing over to Brown Ridge much refreshed in body and mind. Tobias Jenkins has been badly afflicted with boils for several weeks, but was feeling much better today as two of his biggest boils came to a head yesterday. Uncle Rill Smithers is very much chagrined over the loss of his brindle bulldog that disappeared two weeks ago and was found in the well yesterday. The family have’been complaining of the water for several days. One of Ike Bollivar’s cow’s calves was successfully weaned last Saturday. Joel Puterbaugh was expelled from church last week for saying “dam it” three times, when he found out he’d been skinned in a hoss trade with More Bunker. Bill Fisher, of Indianapolis, was in town last Saturday and called on Rev. Lige McSwatt. Bill and Preacher Lige went to school together in Suckers’ Corners and its said Bill used to be sweet on Lige’s walleyed sister, but she eloped with old Gill Spooner, the one legged town constable, and went to Arizona, where they own a barber shop and other valuable property. Making Change In New York. A thin little man, with a long beard and a big bundle, boarded a Second avenue car at Fifth street the other day, and when the conductor came around handed up a $1 bill and asked for a transfer to the Fourteenth street line. The conductor handed the passenger a half dollar, a quarter and three dimes. The thin little man saw the three dimes and quickly thrust the change in his pocket. He didn’t wait until the car got to Fourteenth street, but alighted at Eighth street. When he had gone a passenger said to the conductor: “You gave that man three dimes instead of two.” The conductor did not smile, but said: - “Did I? Well, he’ll have a devil of a time getting rid,of the half dollar.” Particular Customer. “Ma wants two pounds of butter exactly Tike what you sent us last. If it ain’t exactly like that she won’t take it,” said the small boy. The grocer turned to his mimferous customers and remarked blandly: “Some people in my business don’t like particular customers, but I do. It’s my delight to serve them what they want. I will attend to you in a moment, little boy." L - “Be sure to get the same kind," said the boy. "A lot of pa’s relations is visiting at our house and ma doesn't want ’em to come again.” Flattery. Mistress—“ Bridget, it always seems to me that the caankieet mistress gets the best cooks." \ Cook—“Ah, go on wid blarney."