Rensselaer Semi-Weekly Republican, Volume 41, Number 98, Rensselaer, Jasper County, 27 August 1909 — CAN’T CARRY BOTH. [ARTICLE]

CAN’T CARRY BOTH.

Autos are great temperance teachers, as none can manage a jag and a buzz wagon at the same time.

John D. Rockefeller doesn’t believe in quarreling with his bread and butter. This is shown by the courteous treatment which he shows to consumers of liis products. Rensselaer automobilists, as well as those in other cities, have often noticed with surprise the difference that is shown them by drivers of Standard Oil wagons. Whenever an oil wagon meets an automobile the first driver will invariably turn out and clear the road to the latter. It has happened so many times that it cannot be called merely concidental. One man has explained it after this fashion. “John D. realizes that the autos are among his best patrons and so this great capitalist has given instructions to his octopus to show automobiles the greatest respect; All along those great tentacles the word has been passed along. If you don’t believe it, watch the next oil wagon you pass while riding in an auto.”

A firm of Boston publishers not long ago offered a prize for the best definition of the word “success.” The prize was finally awarded to a lady, a resident of Lincoln, Neb., who wrote the following classic definition: “He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much; who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children; who has filled his nicli and accomplished his task; who has left the world better than,he found it, whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem or a rescued soul; who has never lacked appreciation of earth’s beauty or failed to express it; whq has always looked for the best in others, and given the best he had; whose life is an inspiration; whose memory a benediction.”

Harry Thaw lias been sent back to Mattewan and the people of this great land will rejoice beyond all measure if he is kept there, so that their eyes will not be called upon to see stories of the shameless case in the newspapers. Now if they could only deport the “Angel Child” Evelyn, all will be well. o— The yellow legged chicken seeks the darkest corners of the barn these days, if he is a wise bird, for the -whistle of the thresher’s engine betokens the arrival of a hungry crew whom the farmer’s wife feeds on the fat of the land. Ah me! would I were a thresher man. o ' Soon will be the time when the kid eats green apples and sings “Nearer My God to Thee.” Better watch him—funerals are expensive affairs, and, then again, you have been to some expense in raising him. o Now that President Taft has taken up the tariff, will he, like the fellow who caught the bear, call loudly for some one to help him let the blame critter go 1 * o Matters political seem to be getting rather mixed as to what constitutes a Democrat or Republican in these strenuous days of tariff revision. o It is not what a man gets that makes him rich—it is what he manages to hang onto. "" | T o Laziness travels so slowly that poverty soon overtakes it. o % The only man who never made a mistake died when he was a boy.